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// The Land of the Free Moon 01 
// Story: The Fake Sun - The Tale of a No one that became Princess 
// by ratedoni 
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Let me ask you a question. Have you ever asked yourself how it would be if you had the power of a nation in your hands? To be able to hold the lives of countless faceless creatures and decide their outcome with just a phrase or even a single word? To have the power to create laws and rules and make every single creature that lives in your country live by them for decades and centuries? To make plans and see the world be shaped in your image? Well, I’ll tell you right now what will happen if you do that. You’ll get bored.

That’s it, you’ll get bored, point; I’m not even joking. After centuries of ruling every single aspect of the world; or at least the part of the world were ponies lived, you’ll get bored out of your mind if I start telling you all the reasons why it sucks to have become the head of government for so long with no one really trying to do some kind of rebellion or coup. It gets so boring these days with nothing happening to take your mind or save you from utter boredom.

I mean, sure, the first years were awesome; after all, I am the head of the most powerful kingdom that resides in this planet, not to mention one that is the head of every single technological discovery; although, that last one usually is very slow considering how little the creatures on this planet think about mechanical innovations.

I’m in total control of a huge kingdom, just like Spain or Britain at their pinnacle, or maybe Rome considering how very much like their senate ponies try to emulate without even realizing. Families and men of power gaining their positions and never looking backwards; always forgetting the little ponies that have to suffer the decisions of those in power. Well, that will be the case if it weren’t because of me.

It took me some time before I could detect those seeds of danger that wanted to be brought to the senate’s floor; like new taxes to ponies that hold no royal title. You can imagine what happened to the fool that wanted to do that. Their families don’t exist anymore; but at the beginning it wasn’t easy, I had to learn how to read them and play around them like nice little chess pieces. I wonder if that’s how Celestia felt the first days on the throne.

It didn’t hurt that I had common sense, something so strange that has become a super power in recent years. Nah, it has always been a powerful trait to have considering how utterly stupid ponies became the higher they climbed the social ladder.

What? Why are you looking at me like that? Still don’t know what I am talking about? Oh; right, sorry about that; I forget that not everyone has an idea of what has been going on in Equestria; after so many years doing these kinds of things like that has become a habit; now, let me introduce myself. I am The Eternal Sun; I am The One that sits in the Throne of Gold, Owner of the Gold Plume of Peace, Sun Incarnate, Ruler of all Ponykind, Princess Celestial Radiance.

Literally, those are my titles and I’ve been working the last couple of decades to shorten them to something a little bit more manageable; considering there are still some titles that I hold from way back when that many don’t even remember, the fact that all of them are omitted doesn’t affect, but between us, you can call me Celly, and a couple of centuries ago I was but a mere human being.

Still with me? Good that I didn’t lose you with all that, but it is nice to have some kind of introduction to know exactly what is going on or to paint the bigger picture. Yes, I know, right now you are wondering what is going on, right? Where do I even start? And don’t say that is easier from the beginning, because I don’t know where the beginning is anymore after all that has happened. I have some problems trying to discern where this whole adventure began… I like the word discern, I don’t know why, maybe it is because it sounds so intellectual; I have to use that kind of image sometimes to throw ponies out of balance from time to time.

Why don’t we start our story in the classical way? In the magical land of Equestria, there lived two sisters; one raised the sun while the other raised the moon. Both of them helped the inhabitants of Equestria, their little ponies, to find harmony in life, but the older sister -being a queen bee bitch type- tried to hog the limelight and love of the cutesy wutesy little ponies and left her poor little sister in the shadows; left her at the mercy of something dangerous… and no, I’m not talking about drugs, it was something called the Nightmare Forces. Believe me, if it were drugs things would have been way easier. Although, the idea of Luna going into a dark/emo phase to rebel against her popular sister is hilarious in hindsight.

I’ll try to make the story short, so let’s say that there were some awesome beams of magic like something out of a Dragon Ball Z fight and finally the poor little sister was sent into the moon where she had awesome adventures finding three different stones to come back home, wait, that’s a different story.

Anyway, the younger sister was sent to the moon and the big sister had the biggest guilt trip you can imagine, waterworks and all; it was quite sad. Looking at it on the positive side, at least it made her grow up from that diva mentality and become the ruler she had to be; of course, it wasn’t that simple considering that now she had to look over the whole kingdom herself, but she did it, I’ll give her that. The difference is that the kingdom was so much more manageable than how it is today; they didn’t have to deal with so many problems like logistics, public services, taxes, zoning and other stuff that made games like Cities: Skylines so awesome.

So why am I talking to you right now instead of Oh-So-Holy Sunbutt? Well, the truth is that she made a mistake, like a really huge one that put everything in jeopardy. She fell in love. NO! Don’t think wrong! I didn’t mean it like that; there is nothing wrong with falling in love, especially when you have so much stress and responsibilities. Sometimes having someone at your side to deal with that stress is a blessing. The problem with this particular situation is that, well, things didn’t work out really well for our heroine. One thing I can tell you about this, Celestia always had bad luck with love.

She was a nice mare at first sight; something of a workaholic, somewhat cute in that librarian kind of way I suppose. She was smart too, which probably was the reason why Celestia got so much into her at first. Sadly Celestia had the bad habit of never taking down that ‘perfect ruler’ mask of hers, which led to two different problems when she tried to connect with others. They either had the pedestal where they put Celestia broken and they saw the real Celestia or they got obsessed with the Eternal Sun. Guess in which little category the mare felt into?

Which left me in my current dilemma, mainly the fact that I was left in charge of a body that was not my own, ruling a place that was not my own and with no idea how to deal with any of this stuff. Thankfully I had some time until I could find some solution.

That solution never came.

Now, as I live my new life in this foreign land, I do what I can to guide these little creatures known as ponies on a road of peace and harmony the best I can. Sadly there are some exceptions in the case of some ponies that want to be too smart for their own good. Take for example sweet little Safe Vault; he is a great help when it comes to almost anything that has to do with bits and economy, but when it comes to projects he tends to, well, listen to some not so honest ponies. I swear, some of them think they can outsmart me, as if I haven’t played this game longer than they have been alive by this point.

Waiting for a moment to strike, I arch a royal eyebrow while looking directly at the cream colored earth pony making the presentation. It was a gesture I have perfected a long time ago which has been very useful. I gotta admit it, his plan has been presented very well, with good charts showing the different ways money will flow if we introduce the reform he wants; the problem is WHERE exactly it will flow.

You see the kind of things that I have to do? Usually these kinds of stories are filled with misunderstandings and perilous adventures until the hero is capable of returning home. Sadly that time of adventures is over and instead I have turned into a ruler with only bureaucratic problems to slay. I guess that’s why no writer continues the story when the hero has gained the throne.

“My dear Safe Vault, your advice has helped Equestria and even the Duchy of Gryphony, so I know you are very good at what you do, but in the immortal words of Compound Taxes -sun bless his soul- ‘have you gone loco in the coco my boy?’”

I swear that’s what he said one day when one young banker a century ago wanted to take a one million bit loan to build a mansion that would rival the Blueblood line. The poor pony fled in terror at the subsequent chewing that he received from the seasoned veteran in matters related to money. Oh Compound Taxes, he was a blast to have in any party… imagine Voltaire but in a pony, that’s how I remember him, the best of all possible worlds when I had to deal with idiots.

Safe Vault cringed at my words, but he didn’t start crying when I stopped his explanation; good, he was starting to grow a backbone- wait, nope, start the waterworks and the pout; is like dealing with a toddler sometimes with these ponies.

“But… but… Princess,” I raised a golden shoed hoof and all sounds stopped in the throne room… I love to use this gesture; there is something cathartic in the way one movement can bring a whole audience to attention.

“I know, the plan you are presenting sounds great, but only on paper,” the smile that was growing in Safe’s muzzle disappeared, alongside the one of Gold Rush, another good mind for money, but in this case for all the wrong reasons. If anyone could be found guilty of planting the seed of this idea into Safe Vault, it could only be him and his wife. The one point of letting other people attend the court is because the ponies that are involved in a plan ALWAYS attend them to see the outcome. Sometimes I wonder about their intelligence, “tell me Safe, after the initial 4 years in the credits for the mortgage that your plan talks about, what will happen if the owners aren’t capable of paying back?”

“Well your Highness, to solve the problem the bank will have to sell these debts to recover the original payment,” Safe still seemed a little confused of where I was going, although Gold seemed to have lost all good humor and was starting to feel something was happening. Now, let’s close the net around him and really make him shiver in fear.

“And let me guess, these debts will be bought by private companies and loaning houses… probably situated in Canterlot, am I right?”

“Yes your highness,” this is too easy sometimes, the way ponies don’t ever see the danger closing on them. What is it with ponies that make them so trusting of others? I mean, it is good to spread harmony, but there must be some limit to how naïve good ponies are.

“Don’t you think that it is a little weird that the places where the mortgage credits will be in effect are places like for example Trottingham and Ponyville, which by the way, are cities with low GDP compared to other cities like… say, Manehattan or Canterlot? Now, I’m not an expert at this, that’s your area of expertise after all and I don’t want to intrude, but hypothetically speaking, if these ponies wanted to pay the mortgage of their houses, what options would they have if they cannot get the bits needed by themselves?" Come on Safe Vault, I know you can do it.

“Well,” the young stalling took a second to think “if they have no money to solvent the mortgage then some of their possessions will be seized to pay back their debt, although another way would be to… get… a loan,” his eyes were little by little growing bigger and I swear Gold Rush was starting to sweat a river “probably from the same people that could hypothetically buy those same debts from the bank,” YES! YES! YES! I KNEW IT! Oh my dear Safe Vault how proud I am of you, I swear that if we weren’t in front of at least a dozen ponies I would rush and glomp you!

“And THAT is the reason why I don’t feel comfortable with the idea,” I said with a very bright grin on my muzzle that I always felt was perfect for situations like this; nothing like beating someone’s scheme to be openly mocking.

“Yes, yes I see your highness,” Safe Vault said looking directly in the direction where Gold Rush had been standing a minute ago “I think I will have to talk with the original backers of this reform,” he said trying to find the now retreating pony, not that there was any chance of that considering that he was in MY court.

“Good to have that cleared… ah, Gold Rush, is so good to see you,” I said aloud stopping the pony on his tracks as my guards stood in front of the doors to block him; it was so damn funny to get them when they were not expecting it “I was wondering when you will appear, I got a letter saying that you were interested in getting a permission to start building something; I believe it was for a new house and according to the letter, you said you were wanting to build a mansion that would make Fancy Pants green in envy, although I do wonder how that would be possible considering that stallion never gets angry at other’s success.”

“Really?” continued Safe Vault, obviously with an idea on his mind “now that I remember, one jewelry house in the artisan market was spreading the word that your wife had acquired recently new sets made of gold and diamonds apparently to have them made as necklaces in the same design of our highness,” really? That’s news for me… what? I am not omniscient okay? That’s why I have people like Safe Vault.

“Oooohh, that’s really interesting, please tell me more because this is some juicy gossip,” oh, to see your ruler act like the mean girl of a teen movie, it must be priceless; that is if ponies weren't used to things like this by now.

“Yes your Highness, I believe that our illustrious Gold Rush has something to talk about with my brother Clear Vault,” I could practically hear the gasp of everypony in the room. Even I felt a shiver traveling on my back at the name drop.

Gold Rush whined like a puppy that had been admonished while looking at me for salvation… which of course was never going to come considering how much I enjoyed the full retribution that will be dropped on his head. I just waved them goodbye with a grin on my face and grinned at his face of terror while Safe Vault kept pushing him out of the court. The whole show was enough to make me almost lose composure in front of everypony and start rolling around in laughter. Not that I have much composure considering the way I act most days.

As the good commander Lightning Rapier said to me once before the campaign in the Zebrican savanna ‘Send me next to my enemy’s spears, and as far away from the IRS you can’.

And THAT, ladies and gentlemen, is how you can fight boredom, Long Live the Princess indeed. But to be truthful, this kind of moment was far and between, like small islands in a sea of boredom.

These days I find the most joy in teaching more than politics or adventuring. Back in the day I was quite the daring explorer, but that was when I had the time to waste. Now, Equestria is expanding far and beyond my imagination and things are more or less settled down on a routine. If it weren’t for my two girls and their accomplishments I would be overwhelmed by the sheer boredom of routine in which I have settled. What an irony; I’m a human trapped inside the body of the pony monarch and even this has become just another day in my life.

I was about to start calling for the last petitioner of the day when the unmistakable ashes of a message came from one of the windows and floated all the way up to me and materialized again in a flash. Oh my dear Twilight, let’s see what silliness you have gotten yourself into; last time it had been about a certain magical experiment that exploded in the face of almost all the students.

For a whole day the whole classroom had found themselves in the horseshoes of the other gender; Twilight looked so funny wearing that purple dress as her, well, his punishment that day. Alright, let’s see what she has to say.

My Dearest Teacher;  yes, I know, I know, not very creative, but you should have seen all the time we spent talking about the way she would address me in her messages. For some reason the silly filly had the idea that she should put every single title I currently own or had owned at one time in the scroll; poor Spike would have finished with a hurt claw before he even started the letter, so this was the simplified form we agreed upon.

‘My continuous studies of pony magic has led me to discover that something bad is going to happen, for you see, the mythical Mare on… the Moon. Fuck.

That was today? Well, I kinda forgot. And here I was saying that things had become routine and boring. That’ll teach me to be complacent in my job again. The problem when you inherit a 500 year old plan in motion is that sometimes you forget it even exists as it enters a new stage.

I swear, I would strangle Celestia if I knew where she was, but no, she had to go and get herself stabbed by the love of her life. But if it weren’t for that I wouldn’t be here talking and planning for her; I would be six feet under after being trampled by the metal and carbon fiber monster so if I can finish this plan and bring back her sister, no, OUR sister from the madness of the Nightmare then, by everything that is holy and right in this world then I will do it!

If only I could find the original plan.

IT MUST BE AROUND HERE! PLEASE TELL ME IT WAS STILL HERE! Celly, why cannot you be more organized! You had like, three hundred years to learn that. Why do I always put everything everywhere? Kibitz is looking at me with one eyebrow raised but hasn’t said anything; he is only holding the scroll that I was looking for. I knew there was a reason why he was my scheduling advisor. I had to create that position considering how good he was; he even had an answer to Twilight’s letter already made. Damn, he’s good. And that is the reason why I never organized myself properly; there were others that did it for me

So now, I can only wait until night. God, if you exist in this universe, please give me a hand, claw, hoof or whatever so everything goes perfect, but I know my part wasn’t over in this pantomime.

Inside my heart is breaking.

My make-up may be flaking.

But my smile still stays on.

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If I could find Celestia, or what is left of her I would gladly give her back the body I currently possess, but no amount of wishing can change what happened or what will happen. I can only live with the consequences of that day that in a way saved my life.

So there she was, Celestia with a dagger close to her heart, me trapped under a car, two instances so far away and so close that became one; the opportunity for life. While the unicorn that had betrayed Celestia’s love burned alive trying to contain the energy she wanted from the most powerful magical being in the world a new opportunity was born and I was the result of it.

There were not even ashes of her body at the end; only whispers from Celestia, only memories of people that even now haunt me, among them those about poor Luna. Now here I am; a no one that was thrown to the wolves that had to grow into the role Princess.

Let me ask you a question. Have you ever asked yourself how it would be if you had the power of a nation in your hands? To be able to hold the lives of countless faceless creatures and decide their outcome with just a phrase or even a single word? To have the power to create laws and rules and make every single creature that lives in your country live by them for decades and centuries? To make plans and see the world be shaped in your image? Well, I’ll tell you right now what will happen if you do that. Nothing but pain and regrets.

I could only stare at the visage full of rage and hate in her face. A face so well known to me and yet only the first time I have seen it.

“Hello Luna.”