//------------------------------// // Act 2, Chapter 41: Alcoholism for Fun and Profit // Story: Starlight Over Detrot: A Noir Tale // by Chessie //------------------------------// Starlight Over Detrot Act 2, Chapter 41: Alcoholism for Fun and Profit If you were to ask Equestrians what the most magical substance in Equestria is, don't bother. The Equestrian Board Of Livestock Analysis actually conducted a survey at one point, and found the answer to be: "Celestia's Pee." This entry's victory in the court of popular opinion was almost certainly due to impish magical alteration of the results. The properties of alicorn urine have not been extensively studied for a variety of fairly straightforward reasons; it further seems quite unlikely that much of Equestria would have great experience with it. Tragically, the Board did not have the budget to redo the study, nor the intestinal fortitude to try and insert a catheter into Princess Celestia. The rest of the data was more enlightening, however. The clear runner up, despite lacking explicit arcane properties, was cider. Cider, in Equestria, is what might be colloquially referred to as a Big Deal. Ponies have been known to camp out overnight for even a chance at the nation's signature beverage, and one of the first things new towns often establish is apple orchards, even in questionably hospitable terrain. While the semantics and specifics are open to debate, the nomination actually makes some sense from an emotional magic standpoint: Cider, by generating an amiable fog where stress and sourness might otherwise reign, promotes harmony. Harmony promotes friendship. Friendship is magic. Therefore, cider creates magic. Cider is curious in that it is both a great randomizer of behavior as well as a vital part of Equestrian psychological balance. The same substance that allows ponies to deal with the stresses of life and connect in compromised states also causes incidents wherein ponies attempt to mate with motor vehicles in public, mistake sandwiches for hoofwear, and, in one case in LR 11, attempt to toss the moon at exotic animals in the Canterlot Gardens whilst loudly claiming that “IT IS OUR ROYAL DUTY TO CATCH THEM ALL.” There are even ponies trying to directly harness the harmony alcohol generates; "Drunken Masters," they call themselves, although their arcane rituals seem to involve a lot of falling down, slurred words and giggling, and have yet to bear more fruit than is required to make their beverages. The ultimate upshot of cider is, however, positive; a net boon in terms of keeping Equestria stable. -The Scholar After the initial panic wore off, we all decided the best thing to do was be extremely drunk. Swift was a snoring like a kitten on Limerence’s chest while the librarian took long pulls from a bottle of battery-acid quality booze. He was a melancholy drunk, but after a short diatribe against my family, the carpet, and several early-century poets, he’d settled into a good angry glare at the wallpaper. I’d listened to some of it, then went back to demolishing a case of the most piss-water beer the little gas station store we’d popped out to had available while Taxi lay on her back with a jug of vodka propped against her mouth so it took the minimum amount of effort to take a sip. Lily was using the sheet that the helm of Nightmare Moon had been wrapped in to rest her head as she swirled another mouthful of hard cider around and studied the helmet. The dark metal eye-sockets gave me the creepiest feeling they might be watching us, but I didn’t have the energy to get up and turn them the other direction. Yes, being drunk was probably a bad idea. It was the only idea. There were no other ideas to be had. **** “Thanks,” I mumbled, putting the second ice-pack on the back of Swift’s neck. My partner whimpered, clutching her head with both hooves as she sat at Precious’ kitchen table with a big mug of water. The room was cozy, but intended for only one or two ponies, so it was a bit tight for five. Still, my friends were too hungover to care. It felt a bit wrong that I wasn’t. “Not a problem, guys and dolls. Ah admit, Ah had a moment’s worry when Ah saw you sweet bunch all piled up together back there,” The Prince replied, doling out another ice-pack to Taxi who set it on the side of her head and groaned. “By the by, Ah did call Miss Jade to come pick up her daughter. Poor little thing. Magical burn out, if Ah don’t miss my mark...” I shot bolt upright. “What?! Iris Jade is coming here right now?!”          “Hardy, Celestia herself could be coming right now and I would not care,” Taxi said, swatting in my direction with her toe. I instinctively leaned out of the way. “Sit down, and shut your yap before I paralyze your face.”          “Yes, Sir, please, Sir,” Swift moaned, squeezing her eyes shut more tightly.          Limerence didn’t bother with a threat. His horn lit up and I felt a tickle on my muzzle. When I tried to ask him what he was doing, my muzzle wouldn’t open. I reached up and touched my lips, then glared at him as I felt metal and a dangling zipper on one side. I snarled, pushing myself up from the table. “Mmmmphmmm! Phmmm! Yrf mmerfmerf!” I demanded. Lily giggled weakly from her place on the other side of the table and her horn lit up as she dispelled his enchantment. Working my jaw a little, I poked him in the side. “Not funny,” I said. “Detective, I am incapable of laughter at this moment,” he replied, rubbing his temples with both hooves. “I was being pragmatic. Your voice has the grating qualities of a pack of cats being thrown down a metal pipe full of chalk boards.” Precious chuckled, turning back towards the fridge. “Well, Jade sounded angrier’n an owlbear with his head stuck in a trash-can, but ya’ll are my guests. She knows the rules, same as everypony else. She’ll be civil, or Ah’ll turn’er over my knee.”          “Thank you, Precious. After how things have been lately, we could use some safety,” I replied.          The nature of the universe dictated that, as soon as I finished saying the word ‘safety’, there was an insistent knock on the front door of the Burning Love. Precious’ ears rose slightly and he headed out into the main room whilst the five of us froze like cockroaches in a spotlight. Thankfully, we’d had the good sense to hide the helmet again and hadn’t mentioned its presence to Precious, but I imagine he knew something was up.          The bell on the door dinged. I couldn’t decide whether or not I wanted to run, scream, hide, or go ahead and kill myself on the hope that the Chief would be too happy to see her daughter to resurrect me for further tortures. Theoretically, I had fulfilled my side of the bargain. Yes, her child was probably scarred for life, but that was hardly my fault. Fine, maybe the part where she was hit with a sword was, loosely speaking, my fault, but the rest of it had been entirely outside my control. As I listened, I made out the sound of soft words being exchanged, then hooves pounding on carpet. They flew up the stairs beside the kitchen at a full gallop. A door slammed. The acoustics of the building were such that I could hear a soft gasp of surprise from the corner room. All the while, we sat with perked ears. Once we removed the sedation spells, Cerise was likely to wake up within a matter of hours, but that didn’t mean her mother was entirely likely to wait on explanations before starting the flesh-ripping. I was about to ask whether or not we could duck out the back, but Taxi gave me a look that said ‘If you ask me to move from this spot, they will never find your body’. I sank back and resigned myself to the inevitable. We ate in a silence punctuated only by Swift puking in the sink. I slouched in my chair at the table, eyes shut, hat pulled low, waiting with all the patience of a rabbit on his way to a griffin ambassadorial dinner. After what felt like an hour, the door to Cerise’s room swung open on creaky hinges, then two sets of hooves started down the steps. Precious came in first. He said nothing, but moved over to the sink and began quietly scrubbing at one of several dishes sitting on the side-board. His milky eyes stared straight ahead, but his ears were constantly moving. A moment later, Chief Jade appeared in the doorway. I could only see her light green hooves under the brim of my hat, but nopony else flares her nostrils in a way that makes you want to cringe from across the room. She trotted into the kitchen, stopping beside the table. It was strange, seeing her out of uniform. She hadn’t even bothered with a pantsuit, or a tie. Jade turned to Swift and hissed. My partner was double quick in hopping down from her chair and backing up against the counter. Jade dropped into it and Precious set a cup of coffee in front of her, then went to fetch Swift another chair. Taxi was still slumped over the table, but shifted her seat a little to make some more space. With seven ponies in the room, the little kitchen seemed awfully close. It didn't help that the company, all told, was taking up the perceived space of fifteen. I pushed my hat back and examined the Chief with as cool an eye as I could manage with my heart threatening to climb up my throat. I couldn’t read Jade’s expression, but she seemed to be studying her coffee cup. She looked like I looked, when I’d seen myself in the mirror yesterday. Haggard. Ancient. Too broken down for a pony her age. Her lips twitched, as though she might say something, but she just shook her head and took a slow sip. We sat for several moments, drinking our coffee, waiting for inspiration to strike. I was surprised when Taxi was the one who finally roused herself enough to speak. “Iris Jade?” The Chief sighed, using a tiny burst of magic to tip some sugar into her cup. “What do you want, Sweet Shine?” she growled. “Say ‘thank you’.” There was a long pause, then Jade let out a slow breath and said something so quietly I barely made it out. “Thank you,” she whispered. You could have cut the silence in that room with a knife. Pushing her coffee cup away, Jade got to her hooves and left without another word. The front doorbell dinged and Precious swept back in with a fresh pot and a smile. “Now there, ladies and gentlecolts, that weren’t so bad, now was it?” **** I nudged open the door to Cerise’s room to find her still unconscious, laid out on the bed. How Precious convinced the Chief not to swoop in and snatch her up is beyond me, but the Burning Love was the safest place for her to recuperate, short of a couple of places she probably had some unpleasant memories of. I shut the door on Iris Jade's daughter, and made my way back towards Lily’s room where my companions and an especially nasty question waited. ****          “What are we supposed to do with it? I mean, this is Nightmare Moon’s hat!” Swift exclaimed, putting her hooves over her face. “Keep your voice down, kid,” I snapped.          It was an hour and many rounds of coffee later. Lily, Taxi, Limerence, Swift, and I all sat upstairs in the Lily’s room. The gramophone was turned up so Precious couldn’t hear the discussion, not that I thought he was likely to eavesdrop.          “Look, Hardy, we have to take this to the Princesses,” Taxi said. “I mean, this means somepony has broken into the vaults of Canterlot.”          “I do believe we know who broke into those vaults,” Limerence murmured. “Astral Skylark was a thief of some accomplishment and the vaults were largely guarded against draconic incursion. I’ve also no doubt that the Princesses are aware this helmet has been missing for some time.”          “What makes you say that?” I asked.          “Miss Ruby Blue obviously took the helm from Astral Skylark. This was the ‘property’ that Skylark mentioned in her last moments,” he explained.          “So, if they knew the helmet was missing from the vaults, why would they send the chest plate on a tour of Equestria?” Swift asked. “The ‘tour’ of Nightmare Moon’s armor is a security measure,” Limerence replied, waving a hoof towards the helmet which was sitting on the side of Lily’s bed. The dark blue metal seemed to take the light and suck it in. “It’s a brilliant one, if I am honest, and one that should have been successful,” Limerence continued. “A moving target is extraordinarily difficult to plan a heist for, whereas the vaults are largely stationary. Keeping the chestplate moving would deter all but the most determined of attackers and the armor was guarded by wardsmiths from across Equestria. A different one in each city. Counter-spells of the sort that are necessary to break wards must be planned with some care and foreknowledge. Without those, the protective case should have been impenetrable.” “It obviously wasn’t,” Taxi grumbled. “You think the Professor was a mole?” “His death struck me as a means to an end,” the librarian said, shaking his head. “He was trusted by my father. Father is nothing if not perceptive. If he thought, for an instant, that one of his holdings might be compromised then he would deal with the pony in question immediately.” “Huh. You’re probably right,” I agreed, thinking out loud. “I mean, if you’re going to buy the guy off, why kill him immediately? It’s easier to make the trade, buy the armor, swap it for the fake, then grease him after a little while once the tour has moved on. Nopony might even have known it was fake for some time. Certainly not before it hit the next town, and maybe not even then.” “So, in all likelihood, the reason for the forgery was to present a very temporary obstacle to discovery,” Lim said. “Or their plan went jinky,” Swift added, scratching at her mane. “I mean, think about it. Didn’t it all seem kinda... rushed to you guys? They killed him and then left the body right there in his office.” I frowned in thought. “He had a ward over the door to keep anypony from messing with it, but you’re right. It would have been less suspicious for him to simply disappear. What do you think-” “Wait, wait, wait,” Taxi interrupted, jabbing her hoof at me. “None of this... and I mean none of it, is material to the fact that we’ve got Nightmare Moon’s helmet sitting right there. The only question that matters is ‘what do we do with it?’.” I turned to stare at the helmet. It was a strange looking thing. Blue metal formed sweeping curves where it would sit over the eyes of a pony, although it seemed outsized for anypony I knew. Lily, who’d remained silent throughout, reached out a hoof and put it on my shoulder. “Detective, maybe... maybe your friend is right…” “Honestly, I agree,” I replied, pulling my collar up. “My feelings aside, you’re right, we should probably bring in Princess Celestia sooner, rather than later. Limerence, what possible reason could somepony have for trying to reassemble the armor of Nightmare Moon?” The librarian’s ears pinned back. “Detective, I am not the pony to ask. My knowledge of Nightmare Moon is limited to recognizing forgeries and the tales we all know. This is, I’m afraid to say, beyond me. No pony in their right mind would see this armor reassembled with the intent to make use of whatever powers might remain inside. The best possible outcomes of such a thing are catastrophically dangerous.” “Then who should I ask, Lim?” I asked, trying to keep my patience together. “In an ideal world, the Academy,” he answered, pushing his glasses up his nose. “In the real world... probably my father.” “The Don?” “Yes,” he replied. “If nothing else, we should probably store the helm at the Archive. Even Supermax pales in comparison to how deeply the Archivists can bury nonliving objects. The only ponies who will know where it is will be you, me, and my father.” “Your track record lately hasn’t been great,” Taxi murmured. “Our track record has been flawless. In fact, you just helped make it flawless once more. The Moon weapons are retrieved and disposed of, are they not? Father says he has been investigating our information leak, but I don’t believe that to be an issue if the only ones with any knowledge of the location are the three of us.” I laid my head on the end of Lily’s bed, considering my options. Stella was a possibility, but I’d no idea how the dragon would react to being presented with Nightmare Moon’s helmet, and I couldn’t, in good conscience, not tell him if I decided to go that route. I doubted that he’d welcome me delivering that kind of trouble to his door. We might have buried it at Supermax, but that was a long-term plan once the place was up and running properly and I’d no idea whether or not it might be magically tracked, now that it was outside of the trunk. Yes, it was a fortress, but the ponies hunting us had access to magically augmented assassins. I didn’t really want to rely on whatever was keeping me from being hunted with spells, either, so keeping it on my person seemed a bit dangerous, too. That left the Don. If nothing else, I needed information and he was a smart zebra. “We’ll go and see your father. Once I’ve had time to talk to him, then we will decide what to do with the hat. Clear?” I said, with a certain finality. “It is not a 'hat,' a fez or a beanie! It is an artifact of unimaginable-” Limerence hesitated, then nodded. “-I mean...Yes, Detective. My father will know what to do. He is already expecting us.” “I doubt he’s expecting this,” I replied. “Are we ready to go?” My companions started to get to their hooves, although Swift was still a bit unsteady. It was mid-afternoon and her hang-over still hadn’t worn off entirely. “Detective, may I have a moment with you before you leave?” Lily asked, quietly. I glanced at Taxi, who gave me a knowing smile, then ushered my partner and the librarian out the door. “Uh, sure. What’s up, Lily?” Reaching out with her magic, Lily picked up the helm and levitated it onto my back before stepping forward and putting her forelegs around my neck. “I wanted to thank you for taking care of Miss Skylark.” “That was really Taxi-” I began, but she cut me off with a toe on my muzzle. “You are their leader, Detective,” she said, firmly. “You got them all in and got them all out. There was nothing stopping you from walking away way back when you only knew my sister as some poor girl you found in an alleyway. You could have written her off as... as just another-” Her voice caught in her throat. “-as just another dead pony.” I laid my leg across her shoulder and exhaled. “One day soon, I’m going on a vacation,” I said, with a smile. “I promised Taxi and the kid. How is that little place you mentioned you’re from?” “Dodge Junction? It’s a pit,” she replied, laughing weakly. “But we’ve got cherries.” “Then we might spend a couple weeks shaking cherry trees,” I chuckled. “Once this is over, I’m taking you and your sister’s body back to Dodge Junction. We’re going to bury her there under a cherry tree.” Lily rested her head on the side of my neck and nodded. “Thank you, Detective. I’ll take that as a promise, though. You have to live and keep your freedom long enough to do that.” I chewed at my tongue for a second, then stepped back and tipped the brim of my hat. “Best I can promise is I won’t quit. Taxi won’t let me quit, as it turns out,” I said, patting my chest over my heart. The girl’s eyes darted towards the plug, then my badge, then back to my face. “You do that. I’ll be here. Tell me the whole story one day, would you?” “That’ll be a long day, methinks. Look after Cerise,” I said, nodding meaningfully in the direction of the other filly’s room. “Try to answer her questions when she wakes up and, above all, make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid, crazy, or teenage.” “I’ll do my best. I was a teenager not so long ago. I think the thing I needed most was probably a friend,” Lily mused, levitating the sheet over and wrapping it around the helmet on my back. “Take care, Detective.” I turned to the door, struck once again by the pressing resemblance between her and her sister. Her face was sweet to look at, but it was her eyes that made me feel a flutter in my belly. “Take care, Lily Blue,” I replied, finally, then trotted out the door before any of my passing thoughts could get too involved with any of the long neglected parts of my anatomy. **** “Empress of the Signal, Gypsy comin’ atcha! Welcome back to the show, ladies and colties! We’ve got a report from uptown, from the Moonwalk Hotel! There’s some kind of incident that’s happened up there and the Tokan and Hitlan tribes seem to have barricaded the two wings of the Hotel against all comers except room-service! Worse, the P.A.C.T. have been seen moving in on the position. We’ll be keeping you updated as things progress, but the P.A.C.T. seem to be mostly staying out of things for now. Whatever their worries about phoenix egg smugglers, it’s pretty clear they don’t want to get directly involved.” **** Precious was happy to take care of Cerise and if he couldn’t charm her out of doing anything stupid when she woke up, he had Lily there to bring some magical brawn. I was reasonably sure she was going to be safe.          That left the four of us. In the car, I laid back in the seat and pulled out Astral Skylark’s diary, flipping through it, casually. Finding the first page that wasn’t burnt beyond recognition, I began to read.          I think I might go mad if I have to spend another hour listening to these wagon wheels rattle. I’m eighteen. Mom wants to stay on the road, but I’d like to settle down. I can’t keep doing shows day in, day out, trying to scrape enough bits together for dinner. Mom tells me stories of some of the shows she used to do, but she tells them like they’re morality lessons or something. I can’t help but think those would be way more awesome than doing fireworks and magic tricks. We’re heading back to...I can’t even remember the name of this town. Somewhere Mom says she has friends. Twenty more miles and we’ll be there, hopefully to do another show. Gag me. There’s this brilliant little bakery there that serves really good croissants, but that’s about the only thing I want from this town. I wonder if I could snatch a few extra for the road. It’s not as though these bumpkins ever notice when I take things. Half the time they think they misplaced it, and nopony has even suspected the pretty little mare with the big smile. After I lay a little kiss-kiss on some of the stallions, they almost beg me to take their wallets. Now and then, I’ll even find a mare who blushes when I give her ‘the look’. Those are especially fun. Give the poor desperate saps a night of fun, then let them wake up in the morning having ‘misplaced’ every bit I can lay a hoof on. They’re all too embarrassed to even admit they were stolen from. There was a chunk of pages torn out, so I moved on to the next legible entry. Six months. Six months on my own. I wonder if Mom was right. I tried to get a job in Canterlot, but these ponies don’t want a street show. I could wash dishes for a living, but that’s a special kind of Tartarus. I wish I knew where Mom was. I asked around, but she only comes into town once a year. When I told her it was time for me to go off on my own, she wasn’t even shocked. She just gave me all the money she could and told me she’d be back next year to see how I was doing. Just like that. I can’t even send her a phone call or a letter. It’s not like she logs a travel plan with anypony. She’s still traveling around like they used to do forty years ago! Well, it could be worse I guess. I’m staying in a youth hostel. The stallion who runs it is a little prudish, but I think he’s a good sort. He doesn’t like me bringing ponies back here at night. He was all ‘you have to be careful’ and acting like my father, or at least, what I imagine my father would have acted like if I’d known who he was. Thankfully, I’ve still got my ‘special skills’ to fall back on. ---- Caught! That witch caught me! I know it’s been two weeks since my last entry, but I spent the whole of it in Canterlot jail. Two weeks of misery and bad food. Granted, what I was eating before wasn’t much better. Still, I had the funniest encounter today when I was released. A pony, who might have been a mare or a stallion, came to my cell. I didn’t see his face, but I think it was a stallion. He had a hood on. He told me I had two choices. One, I could rot in the cell. Two, I could come and work for him. He wouldn’t say what kind of work it was, but he paid my bail. I’m writing this sitting on the train out of Canterlot, incidentally. You bet your tail I left! You think I’m sticking around? ---- Another week in jail. The bastard let me sit here on that rough blanket, with those awful, bland daisy sandwiches and the gritty corn muffins for another week before he showed up again. Whoever tipped off the guard that I was headed their direction was fast! They picked me up at the first station outside of Canterlot and I was back in the clink inside of an hour. I didn’t even have time to cast a spell before somepony slapped a restrictor ring on my horn and I was being stuffed back on the train for a return trip. The second shot was way, way less comfortable. Still, when the guy in the hood showed up again, he didn’t seem angry. He seemed, if anything, like he was pleased I’d tried to run. He ran this line on me about ‘escape not being an option he’d offered’, so I guess I decided to take the job. I’m pretty happy I did. He tossed me a bag of bits I could live on for two months on the road, then told me there’d be more if I followed his instructions. Lastly, he gave me this coin with Princess Celestia’s cutie-mark on it. It looked really strange. The rays were made of lockpicks.          Another whole section was ripped out, leaving only a chunk of pages towards the back still intact. I moved on, trying to find another entry. There were a few that seemed to be lists of amounts and locations, but they didn’t have much information I could use. A couple mentioned jobs and places she’d had lunch, but it all seemed pretty mundane - at best it'd settle a few unsolved thefts for the Canterlot Royal Guard. It wasn’t until I flipped to the last five pages in the book that I found another entry which hadn’t been damaged, incomplete, or boring.                   This is it! The big time! Two years in the Thieves guild and I’ve finally got a job worthy of my skills. Of course, there have been other big jobs, but this is the one that will let me pay off my debt to the guild. The newspapers are calling me the ‘Ebon Kitten’. I don’t think the guild likes that I’ve been leaving calling cards, but who cares what they think? I do the jobs even their senior thieves won’t do. Whoever the client is, they’re paying big bucks. I’m making more from this one job than I would from fifty smaller sneaks, and that’s just my cut for a successful retrieval. That won’t even count what I get for actually busting into the Canterlot Vaults. The seniors think I’m not going to be able to pull it off, but I’ve been sleeping with one of Princess Luna’s Night Guard for a month now. She’s a sweet thing, if a bit dim, and she loves to talk about her job. All it took was a few little hypnosis tricks and some tongue action and she was happy to give me all the guard rotations. After that, I told her we should ‘get a little kinky.' The ridiculous minx was almost too eager for the rope! She’ll wake up in about eight hours and have to explain to housekeeping at the hotel how somepony tied her up and stole her armor. The fuzzy pink hoofcuffs were probably mean of me, but I couldn’t resist. Anyway, the job is in three hours and I need to get ready. This armor chafes like a beast, but the guard and I were almost the same size. I need to lose a couple pounds. I should have left my diary with my trunk, but I figured it couldn’t hurt to have it along. What are they going to do if they catch me with it? Lock me up more? I turned a page and sat up a little straighter. “Guys... um... you better...” I paused, then let the book drop onto the seat. “Sweets, pull the car over!” Taxi slammed her hoof down on the brake, yanking the wheel to one side and almost tossing the three of us in the back into the footwell. “What? What is it?!” she yelped, trying to look out all the windows at once. Swift had her trigger in her mouth and Limerence’s horn glowed with incomplete spell work. I held up the book with the last page open. It was written in a strange hoof that curled and swept, each letter formed with a fanatical attention to detail. There was no mistaking the writing, though. It was the same as the back of Ruby’s diary. Sweet little factor. You play my game so artlessly, but you play it all the same. Come and see me, when all of your answers have run dry. You’ll know where to look. The note was unsigned. Dropping the book, I pushed it away like it was a snake that might bite. Limerence picked it up, then raised one eyebrow as he read it over. “Detective, I do believe this may be for-” he began. “I know who it’s for, dammit!” I snapped, cutting him off. “I know who it’s for and I don’t need it hammered home. This is screwed up enough as it is!” “Yes, but...it does suggest some things about our opponents.” Taxi cocked an ear towards the back seat. “What do you mean ‘opponents’. You say that like there’s more than one group at play here?” “Obviously,” he replied, tapping the book with his toe. “The law firm is simply one aspect of a multi-headed hydra that must span the city, but there would appear to be another influence working counter to their aims.” “Else, why would somepony be leaving me these helpful little notes,” I said. I squinted at the book, then pulled it out of Limerence’s magical grip. “No… no, you’re right. Each time somepony has left me one of these, it has dragged us somewhere we needed to be. That first letter carried me to the Monte Cheval, and then the second one ended us at Supermax.” “Precognition is not… unheard of,” Lim added. “The police force tried pre-crime magics awhile ago,” Taxi said, pulling us back onto the road towards the Archive. “It’s finicky and extremely unreliable. A weather forecast at best, and totally unusable if you don’t account for every magical variable. The best we ever managed was a spell that tracked the stolen snacks in the office to Officer Trumpet.” “This is much more specific. Whoever has been doing this knows me. They know how to lead me around by the nose,” I growled. Swift’s let her trigger drop. “But...but, sir, these came from before you were even on the case. Somepony wrote these knowing you’d read them.” “Yeah, and that’s bothering me, but not near so much as knowing somepony has my number. If they’d just said ‘Be here, at this time’, I doubt I would have. I had to believe there was a clue. I had to think there was something valuable,” I groaned, throwing my hooves in the air as I slid onto my side. “Whoever this bastard is, he’s had me figured from day one.” The silence that followed had a certain air of expectation to it. “Sooo...what do we do about it?” Swift asked. “I mean, doesn’t this all smell of ‘trap’ to you, Sir?” “Of course it does,” I replied, watching the scenery slide by. “Why would somepony take time to gloat in the back of Astral Skylark’s diary if they thought I had any options? This is a trap, kid, and I’m afraid our only option is to wiggle a little deeper and hope it doesn’t close before we can see the shape of it.” **** We were getting towards the grittier parts of town around the Archive and I could smell the industrial run-off. It smelled like home. To be honest, I was going to be glad to see the Don. I needed to unload a little since Supermax. Whatever else he might be, I knew I could ask him for a moment alone and he’d give it to me. His friendship with my father was a long one, and while he was a pragmatic sort, he’d gotten into the business because he cared. Criminality was just a side effect. If nothing else, he was a connection to my dad, and I really needed that just then.          **** Leaving the cab a quarter mile away in the only decent parking garage on that side of town, we aimed ourselves towards the Archive and set off on hoof. The trip gave me much needed time to stretch my legs. I’d elected not to take the helmet along, so I left it in the Night Trotter’s trunk instead. If I needed it, Swift could fly back. I didn’t feel great about leaving it unguarded, but Taxi’s trunk was secure enough and anypony bringing real force to bear wasn’t going to be stopped by the kind of firepower we had on us. Limerence was practically dancing as we trotted along the sidewalk, although as we got closer, his expression slid a little. He began glancing at the rooftops of nearby buildings. I followed his eyes to what looked to me like another empty industrial building lining the road. The sign out front said ‘Noble Publishing’. There didn’t seem to be anything special about it that I could see. His face edged down into that familiar frown, though, as we hit the block one up from the Archive itself. “Lim? What’s wrong?” I asked. He shrugged and shook his head. “It could be nothing. Excuse my paranoia, Detective. There’s meant to be guards posted at some of these buildings. Our perimeter spells are fine, though, which suggests we haven’t had a breach. Why father would pull the guards back is a bit mystifying. Still, he could just let the talismans do the work, but he’s somewhat old fashioned.”          I exchanged a look with Taxi and we stopped, drawing back into the nearest alleyway. Limerence and Swift both looked a bit puzzled as they followed us in. I freed my trigger and turned my revolver’s safety off, then motioned Taxi to start scanning the skies. Leaning toward Swift, I whispered, “Kid, you still got a ladybug on you?” She nodded and the insect wiggled out of her fur, then took to the air, dropping onto my nose. “Alright, sunshine, sunshine and all that business. Do you have an overhead view of our area?” I asked, peering out at the empty road. A bit of wind picked up a newspaper, toying with it down the street, but there was nothing to indicate trouble. Why was my cutie-mark tingling? The ladybug seemed to think, then bobbed up and down. I shut my eyes and leaned against the wall as the world went to black. **** The particular insect the Collective chose to drop me into was somewhere behind us, drifting on a thermal high above the city. I had to fight my own urge to flail my hooves at the heights, since I didn’t have hooves at the moment. Once I had my panic under control, I began studying the buildings passing under us. The Archive was an unmistakable blob of unfinished concrete and girders dumped in the middle of the cityscape. I scanned the buildings and had, momentarily, the surreal experience of seeing my own body standing down there in the alley we’d chosen for our hiding place. I moved on. All of the rooftops seemed to have some kind of writing on them. They looked an awful lot like pegasi advertising and a few of them were definitely hawking things like ‘wing massage’ and ‘feather treatment’, but some were too abstract for that. I thought those must have been the spells Limerence mentioned. Alright, I’m done here, I thought. The image distorted, stretched, and vanished. **** Swift was standing at the end of the alley as I opened my eyes. The ladybug lifted off my nose and landed on her shoulder, wiggling under one of the straps on her combat vest. She glanced back at me. “What’s going on, Sir?” she asked. I shook my head and turned to Limerence. “Your father would never leave all the rooftops unguarded, would he?” The librarian’s face took on a worried cast. “Most assuredly not. Father’s security measures are very firm. The Archivists are not a frequent target, but we have had attacks in the past from rogue Cyclones who thought our territory might be easy pickings.” I pointed straight up. “Our eye in the sky has no movement for three blocks in every direction of the Archive. I mean nothing, too. No cars, no ponies.” Tilting her head to peer out at the street, Swift bit her lower lip and asked, “Nopony at all?” “That is not...entirely unusual for this end of town, but the unguarded rooftops is bizarre in the extreme,” Limerence murmured. “Alright, we’re going to move up. Just because I didn’t see anypony out there doesn’t mean they aren’t watching. Keep your eyes on the skies and the buildings. Anyplace with windows or a catwalk. Lim, can you lay your silence on us?” He nodded. His horn flashed. “Then we move. Swift, get in the air and watch for snipers. Keep your speed high enough to make sure nopony can get a shot on you,” I added. She snapped a salute, then exploded out of the alley so fast I had to press my hat down on my head against the rush of wind and feathers. I set my jaw and marched out of the alley as the silence spell came down like an anvil, blocking out everything. We moved up along the avenue, scanning each building one after another. The streets were still empty, but the sensation in my cutie-mark was starting to become uncomfortable. Less a tingle, more a solid burn. Still, we were unmolested on our way towards the 10th Archive Librum Public. One block over from our destination, Limerence communicated to my driver with gestures that he want to borrow her binoculars. She passed them to him and he let the silence drop, then marched up the side of the nearest building. Watching a pony walk perfectly perpendicular to the ground was still a bit weird. Magic is like that, though. You get used to filtering the obvious defiance of physics. A moment later, he returned and we eased back into the lee of an abandoned cheese factory that smelled vaguely of stale gouda. “Detective... there is no movement around the Archive,” he said, softly. “You make that sound like a bad thing,” I replied. “It is. At best, it means that Father has withdrawn our forces in anticipation of an attack,” he explained, floating the binoculars back to Taxi, who tucked them away. “Though, who would dare attack the Archivists in our home on such a scale as to cause full mobilization is beyond me.” Swift swept in from above like a bullet train, braked sharply at the edge of the building, and bounced off of it with all four hooves, coming to a gentle rest in front of me. She brushed a bit of dust off her bunny patch and came to attention. “Sir, there’s no activity anywhere that I could see or hear. I checked all eight of the buildings surrounding the Archive. They’re all empty or unused. There’s not even any squatters, although... mmm... I did find some blood on top of one building in what looked like somepony’s camp site. It was only a tiny bit and it was dry, but... it definitely blood.” I sat back against the wall, pulling off my hat and wiping my forehead with the back of one leg. There were many dozens of ways the situation could go bad. Nopony besides Limerence and the Don knew that we were coming, which worked to our advantage, but if there was an attack on its way there were plenty of directions it could come from. Diamond dogs weren’t unheard of in that end of the city and they could burrow through asphalt, given time. An attack wing of Cyclones could swoop in from almost anywhere and be on top of us before we could get our guns ready. The perimeter spells would likely keep out teleports, but there were other options aplenty. For all I knew, our magicked assassins with the pointy teeth could have had snipers disguised with spells to blend into the brickwork or the clouds. Phased combatants could hide in the walls, although that magic was almost unheard of. Nothing was off the table. We were facing an unknown, with opponents who had a seemingly unlimited set of resources. Retreat might have been a good idea, but then what? Come back later? Go smoke some Zap with the buffalo? I needed to see the Don. “Lim, do you have some way of making contact besides your little ritual?” I asked. He shook his head. “A phone call, but if the defenses are active, our incoming phone system turns on a filter that will shut out any numbers it’s not familiar with to prevent hypnosis attacks. We’d have to go back to the Nest. Our spells should keep the worst forms of magical aggression and camouflage from being effective in this area, but... that is no proof against bullets.” I sagged, pulling my collar straight against a chill breeze blowing down the street. “Damn. Is there at least some way in besides the front door?” Limerence sucked a breath. “In? No. There are several exits, but only the one entrance, I’m afraid.” Sighing, I pulled my sleeve back off of my revolver and readied the hammer. “There’s no way this is going to be safe, is there?” Swift asked, gently kicking Masamane’s trigger up into her mouth. I shook my head. “I’m afraid not, kid. Normally, I wouldn’t even show up here with weapons, but I think the Don will understand, considering recent events.” “Father is no fool, but yes, I believe he will forgive us. At worst, we will have to leave our weaponry with somepony at the front if this turns out to be nothing significant. I do wish I’d thought to bring my crossbow, though,” Limerence mused. A dozen knives detached themselves from his vest, flying out of various secret holsters to hang in the air around his head, spinning slowly in his levitation field. “Ah, well, I will have to make do.” “Trust me, you’re not the only one...” Taxi replied, flexing her front and back legs. I admit I wasn’t envying her just then; stuck on the ground, unarmed, with only martial combat skills and her friend’s firepower to keep her safe against an unknown force. Still, she was game. I had the thought that not enough ponies have friends like her, followed quickly by the thought that most ponies wouldn’t survive having friends like Sweet Shine. “We’re moving out. Keep close to the buildings and try to move from cover to cover if possible. Swift, you’re our eyes. If there’s any unusual activity, fire Masamane. That thing has a pretty distinctive sound. Now...get moving.” She nodded and took off again, soaring out over the warehouses. “Taxi, you and me are out front,” I continued. “Limerence, have your silence spell up and take the rooftops.” He bobbed his head, then stepped up onto the wall. I caught his back leg before he could run off. “If an attack comes, your first priority is to leave. We’re not getting into a firefight out here. Get back to the Night Trotter, and if you can’t make it there, head for the Nest. We’ll meet you there.” “And... if you don’t, Detective?” he asked. “Then we’re dead. If you aren't, you take the Night Trotter with the helmet still inside it out to this old mine-shaft on Thirty Second street, just north of the city. It might take you a bit to find, but I promise it’s there. Drive it into the cave, shove it down the shaft, then collapse the hole on top. You got me?” He hesitated, briefly, then gave me a short nod. “I... have you, Detective. Please, do be careful.” He paused, then he gave me a slightly intense look that I couldn’t read. “I find myself... not particularly liking the notion of continuing my investigations alone.” With that, he was off, darting up the wall like a spider. Taxi and I glanced at one another, then stepped out onto the sidewalk, moving cautiously towards the Archive. **** When the hideous grey building came into sight, I was simultaneously relieved and sick to myself. I doubt most ponies would find the appalling architecture of the 10th Librum especially relieving, but it was still standing. There were a number of scenarios I’d had time to consider where we’d round a corner and find a smoking ruin. Swift was still out there and I hadn’t heard her gun, so I had to assume she was alright. Whatever we were walking into was likely to be a trap, but whether it was a trap for us or simply an ugly coincidence left me with a chilly ache in my stomach. My talent was almost buzzing by that point, but it’d never been especially good at giving directions. Taxi moved off to the other side of the road, keeping to the shadows of the early afternoon where she could find them; a garbage dumpster, a sign, the corner of a warehouse. The road leading up to the Archive was an ideal sniper alley; two rows of empty buildings with low rooftops right to the library’s entrance. I was pretty sure, however, that if somepony was going to take a shot at us that they’d have already done it. I edged in close to the last building on the row, wishing I’d kept my bulletproof jacket on. The things are hateful and itchy, but they do protect against an awful lot of things that an enchanted trenchcoat won’t even touch. There’d still been no movement from the building. Motion out of the corner of one eye brought my head up and I watched Limerence stepping down off the wall, his knives flicking underneath his vest. Swift plummeted out of the sky a second later, her wings flaring open to snap her out of a high speed fall at the last moment, just inches from the pavement. She fluttered delicately, then darted over to my side, pressing up against the wall. “Sir, this whole thing is giving me the heebie jeebies,” she reported, scuffing her hooves on the concrete. “I mean, there’s zero motion out there.” Her ears laid back on her head and she patted the front pocket of her vest. “I... um…” “What is it, kid?” I asked. Limerence trotted over to investigate as Taxi broke off from her cover at the nearest building on the other side of the road to join us. “I...found this up on a rooftop,” she murmured, pulling open her vest pocket. Reaching in, she carefully pulled out a bundle of bloody, white feathers and laid it on the sidewalk at my hooves. “Celestia have mercy, that’s not what I needed today,” I whispered. It was a dead pigeon. Worse, it looked to have been chewed. Sure, it could have been a cat or a bored griffin out for a morning flight, but I had an inkling that I knew exactly what kind of teeth had done the job. Swift swallowed hoarsely, running her tongue over her sharp canines. I stepped away from the bird and turned towards the Archive, kicking my trigger-bit up into my mouth. There were so many things that could go wrong, but if my presence made one iota of difference, I was going to try. Crossing the street, I waited at the foot of the short stairs leading up the great, globular building until I heard my companions behind me, their hooves echoing on the lonely, deserted road. At the top of the stairs, I reached for the revolving door that opened into the Archive. “Detective! No!” Limerence shouted, suddenly from behind me. I didn’t have time to look over my shoulder before I felt a powerful yank on my tail, dragging me backwards, almost sending me for a tumble down the steps. Pushing myself to my hooves, I glared at him as his magic faded from my sore backside. “You wanna tear it out by the root?!” I snapped, patting my tail and feeling a few strands come loose. “Come on, what is it?” “Detective...The Archive’s interior defenses are active!” Limerence exclaimed. “I felt the energy build-up when you reached out. Apologies for your tail, but I thought you might value your life more than a few hairs.” I peered at the glass revolving door, nervously. “You mean-” “If you’d touched that door, it would have turned your bones into a thick soup after charbroiling your brain,” he finished, turning in a little circle. His horn was flashing little pulses of light that were answered by other pulses on pieces of the framework around the door which looked vaguely like letters or runes of some kind. “And... when were you going to tell us that was a possibility?” Taxi asked, testily. “You’ll excuse me if I happen to be a bit unsettled, Miss Taxi!” Limerence snarled, swinging around to face my driver. “I am not able to think of every possible scenario! I did not believe it even conceivable that somepony might breach our exterior defenses, much less require the activation of these!” I held up my hooves, placatingly. “Lim...take a deep breath. I’m fine and no harm done. Can you shut the defenses down?” The librarian drew in a breath, lowering his eyes slightly as the fire went out of them. When he raised his head again, the cool facade was back in place. “Pardon me, Detective. I am... worried. Yes, I can place an exception for the four of us in the enchantment matrix. Father taught me to control the Archive’s defensive systems the day my horn began useful operations.”          “Then do it. I want to be out of the open as soon as possible,” I said.          The next several minutes were some of the longest of my life. Standing, exposed against the front of a building while our unicorn waved his horn in little circles at the runes on the door was giving me a taste of what Nightmare Moon’s lunar vacation must have been like. Swift, Taxi, and I watched the skies, but there was still nothing moving up there. There wasn’t even any air traffic, although that might just have been the time of day.          At last, Limerence sucked his teeth and his horn pulsed. All of the runes around the door faded into the woodwork.          “There. The four of us are excepted from the matrix. I’m... afraid my usual exception is not working, as I left my pocket watch to be repaired,” he said, quietly. “Just... do not take off your hat while we are inside, Detective, lest you wish to be flash fried.”          “What? You mean you just told the spells not to kill somepony wearing a hat?” I asked, incredulous. “Well, specifically, a hat, saddlebags, or a ridiculous rabbit patch,” he replied, gesturing to the three of us.          Swift gave him a slightly irritable look. “It was the only one the kids at the Vivarium had.”          “Yes, and I note you have still not made any efforts to repair your armor since,” Limerence said, with a small smirk. Swift let out a growl in the back of her throat, flashing a few of her pointier teeth at him.          “Alright, let’s go ask Tome exactly why everything is on high alert,” I said, stepping into the revolving door. Swift came in behind me, pushing the door with her forehead.          “Sir? I was just wondering. Why has nopony come to meet us out here? I mean, tactically, wouldn’t you want to watch the front door?” she asked. I hesitated at that thought just long enough for the turning door to smack me in the rear end, sending me sprawling into the library nose first. I had the presence of mind to catch my hat before it could come off, but I did end up tumbling onto my stomach.          “Ow,” I groaned, and started to push myself up. My hoof touched something soft that most definitely wasn’t the carpet. “Sir? What is-” Swift trailed off as she moved up beside me. Her eyes followed mine down to the floor and she let out a strangled whimper. Taxi filed in behind her and stopped, staring. Her yellow face paled, noticeably. The shape on the floor wasn’t really a pony anymore. It would have even been difficult to tell what species they might have been were it not for a clump of brightly colored pink fur clinging to one of the rear hooves. Besides that, there wasn’t much flesh left. The poor bastard was curled into a fetal position, both front legs drawn up against the belly and one rear leg stretched out as though attempting to fend off an attacker. Heat from whatever had killed them had warped their bones and skin, leaving them looking like a modern art piece. They still wore a piece of scorched cloth around their upper half and a lump of shiny, golden metal seemed to have been melted into their ribs. Limerence nosed his way between Taxi and I. “Detective, what is it? What do you...” He paused there, gazing at the body with a dull expression, as though he wasn’t really seeing it. “Is this one of the attackers-” I started to ask, but before I could finish, Limerence leapt forward, jumping over the body. He hit the carpet running and shot off between the stacks of books at a full gallop. “Dammit, Lim!” I grumbled, then made a quick decision and danced around the corpse, charging after him. Getting lost in the Archive’s massive collection wasn’t terribly likely to lead to starvation and I didn’t want to find out if it was possible, but I also couldn’t let Limerence run head long into an ambush of some kind. Wings beat the air behind me as Swift took off, coasting overhead between the high shelves of books with the grace of a sky-dancer, darting around corners to follow her ground-bound partner. I turned a corner into an intersection of four bookcases and lost track of Limerence, but Swift called out, “Turn left!” and I took off after him. At the next turning, I saw his flank just vanishing around a bend. Onward we ran. Row after row of books flashed by. I could hear Taxi somewhere behind me, calling out. I couldn’t make out what she was saying, but I shouted back, “Sweets! Go to the wall! I’ll have somepony come get you in a minute!” Dodging around a stack in the middle of the aisle, I almost tripped over another body. Swift flew on, keeping track of Limerence, and disappeared around a corner. I stopped, pausing to check the form sprawled on the carpet. This one was a mare, much more recognizable than the first. She was probably young, with bright blue fur and a cropped mane. I couldn’t tell what had killed her, but her eyes were frozen open and she lay on her side, a pile of books draped half across her side while another lay in front of her. She was a unicorn, in the uniform of the Archivists; vest, waistcoat, and golden pocket watch. The watch was toast, melted into a semi-liquid puddle that was still cooling. I could only tell what it had been because the chain survived the cooking process. Her death had been quick, at least. That sad wretch at the front looked like they’d had time to feel it. Shaking myself, I raised my head just in time to hear a shout from somewhere up ahead. Maybe it was more of a cry. An anguished, frightened cry. I stumbled forward, then managed to get my hooves moving in the right direction. I moved more cautiously, picking up my trigger bit from beside my knee as I eased sideways around the bookshelves. I knew Swift wouldn’t go down without a fight, but there was no sense in leaping in. Stepping over the dead mare, I aimed myself in the direction I thought I’d heard the sound come from. Tucking the fear into whatever professional bubble exists inside me where all the darkness goes while the job is still to be done, I moved on. I made a few turns back and forth, trying to get my bearings. My ears swiveled around, until I caught something that might have been soft moaning. Picking up speed, I rounded two more corners, the sound growing louder until it became agonized weeping, just out of sight. I turned again, feeling for some reason, like I was in familiar territory. Something about the way the shelves were stacked seemed as though I’d seen it before, but my sense of direction lets me down every time. Around one more row of books, I finally reached the source of the noise. It was the little sitting area the Don greeted us in that first day, when he’d given me his Last Will and his son, a surly intellectual with the loyalty of an alleycat. The area was little changed. The fire in the little fireplace was burning low and there were still the two seats, one high-backed and comfortable, the other still cushioned, but more worn since it was for visitors. A plate of cookies and a half-empty glass of milk still lay on the tiny end table along with a set of gold rimmed spectacles and a book of Zebran poetry with a tasseled bookmark draped across the cover. Limerence knelt beside the chair, his hooves clutching at the arm as he sobbed incoherently into the upholstery. Swift sat nearby, her eyes glazed and tears leaking down her cheeks. I felt my world start to swirl in the strangest fashion. Space seemed to open up under my hooves and I found myself sitting, but I didn’t remember how I’d gotten there. Don Tome was still sitting there, his calm face resting on the arm of his chair. Unlike his subordinates, he looked like he might have just fallen into a doze as he sat there. Even in death, he exuded peacefulness. Were it not for his front left hoof, which had been hacked off just below the knee, there would have been no sign of how he’d died. His pocket watch sat open on the carpet, the face melted and cracked, but the time still visible behind the glass marking the time of his death. It was barely an hour ago. I took a couple of steps closer, dragging my back legs. Six words flew round and round inside my head, screaming like banshees in the night. He’s dead. The Don is dead.