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Super Smash Bros: Disharmony
by Dusty the Royal Janitor
Chapter 4: Roster Revealed!
Kirby blinked. Something was wrong. He wasn’t entirely sure what, though.
The little pink puffball went through his mental checklist. He’d had a big, tasty meal before he went to bed. Nothing wrong there. And given the fact that he could very plainly feel something squirming around inside his mouth he had obviously been snacking in his sleep again. Again, no problem there. Still, something nagged at his mind. He tapped his little blobby mitt against his chin, scrunching up his face and sucking on the purple and pink tail that was sticking out of his mouth. It tasted like blackberries.
And then it hit him. Eyes popping open, he reached under the bed, pulling out a little, golden alarm clock. Kirby blanched at where the little hand was on the clock’s face. He was late!
* * *
“My Faust, it’s full of stars”
Twilight’s breath caught as she gazed upon the majesty laid out before her. It was like the entire universe had presented itself before her gaze. Stars and nebulas and cosmic wonders as far as her puny mortal eyes could see. They twinkled in the distance, as if inviting her to come explore their mysteries. Massive dust clouds sparkling millions of miles away orbited singularities invisible to the eye, and stars went out in supernovas billions of years away. The vastness of the universe made Twilight feel utterly insignificant as the wonder and incomprehensibility of it all consumed her. She felt her mind slipping away as her petty problems seemed to become irrelevant. Dangling by her tail, the endlessness of the universe stretching out beneath her, she felt herself being swept up in a blast of color as a feeling of lightheadedness washed over her. The universe went red, then blue, then green, then purple. Colors reversed themselves and patterns danced before her eyes. Everything went negative, then refracted, then intensified. The feeling was beyond the description of the words of mere mortals.
And then the creature spit her out.
Kirby coughed a little and Twilight flew across the room, tumbling tail over teakettle until she came to a rest against her new bed. Twilight shook her head, shaking off saliva and sending it flying. The feelings of enlightenment slipped away from her as the world came back into focus. Blinking, she saw her little puffball of a roommate snatching an apple from his massive fridge and biting into it. Still panting and catching her breath, she shakily got to her hooves. It was only then that her roommate even seemed to notice her presence. The little creature turned to look at her as it bit down on the apple again, reducing it to nothing but a core. Swallowing, it waved a little pink fin at her.
“Hiiiiiii~!”
Her roommate then swallowed the apple core and hopped off his bed, waddling out the door and shutting it behind him.
Twilight blinked. The purple mare tried to comprehend the implications of what she had seen; to understand the vastness of what she had just witnessed. There was seemingly an entire universe: a complete, endless abyss of space, somehow stuffed inside that tiny pink creature. Her mind tried to wrap itself around it all, on top of the utter madness that she had seen in just the past few hours, now she was rooming with a creature that was, in a word, impossible. She could write a whole series of encyclopedias on the pink creature alone. Generations of archmages, alchemists, and scientists could study it and still not reach the end of its potential, and that was only covering one of the creatures here in the Smashworld. She needed to study it. She needed to learn everything there was to know about it. She needed…
...she needed...
“...Nope,” she said, crawling into bed.
She was out in seconds.
* * *
Applejack gazed at the door in front of her and grumbled. Idly, the farmer wondered whether or not to go through with this. As much as she wanted to uphold her promise to Fluttershy, she did not like the looks of her potential roommate.
The picture on the door told her pretty much everything she needed to know. Poofy hair done up all fancy. A great big dress with a jewel in the center of it that looked like it could fund the Apple family farm for generations. A smug looking smirk that reeked of self importance, exactly like the ones the Canterlot nobility seemed to strut around with when she went to the Grand Galloping Gala. A tiara on her head obviously denoted that the person inside was one of “class and prestige” as Rarity might say, and the gaudy jewelry and silken gloves suggested that whoever was within was obviously a person of some level of importance and wealth.
Applejack grumbled. As much as she wanted to uphold her promise to Fluttershy, she was NOT looking forward to rooming with a frou-frouey princess. She could barely take Rarity in small doses. Spending the foreseeable months rooming with someone like her? She’d probably go insane.
The farmer shuddered. Still, she had made a promise to Fluttershy, and she upheld her promises. She’d hardly be the element of honesty if she didn’t. Besides, she knew that her kindly friend would need the support.
Biting the bullet, Applejack reached up and grabbed the door handle, giving it a firm twist and yanking the door open.
Forty pounds of sandbag suddenly smacked her in the face.
Applejack stumbled back as she was pinned beneath a massive punching bag, a rope dangling from its top frayed and torn. The white bag seemed to have eyes painted on its side, and perhaps it was the blow to the head, but Applejack swore she saw the eyes blink. Shaking the disorientation off, she heard a voice cry out.
“Ohmigosh, are you okay?!”
Applejack blinked blearily, heaving the massive punching bag off of herself as she struggled to breathe, having been winded by the impact. Looking up, she saw the woman from the picture on her door looking down at her. She didn’t look anything like she did in the picture though. Her short, rusty red hair was soaked with sweat and there wasn’t a trace of fancy dress or jewelry anywhere on her person. Her crown had been replaced by a yellow and white striped sweat band and her dress had been swapped out for a yellow, midriff-baring tank top with a white and green stylized flower printed on the front and orange gym shorts, the whole outfit revealing her freckled shoulders and knees. While the picture on the door only showed her roommate from the waist up, Applejack had guessed that she’d find her roommate wearing fancy high heels. Instead, she was wearing ankle-high gym socks and yellow trainers. Her body was dripping with perspiration and she was panting deeply, as if she’d just come off of a rigorous workout. And judging by the lean but very visible muscles running up and down her arms and the tight abs she sported, it was likely that she had.
The woman huffed and puffed for a moment, her hands on her knees as she leaned over Applejack.
“Lemme help you up,” she said, extending an arm out to the pony. Applejack blinked for a moment before accepting the bandage-wrapped hand. The girl grabbed her hoof with a grip nopony could have ever expected given how dainty and well-manicured her hand seemed to be. With a heave, Applejack was pulled to her hooves again.
“Thank ya kindly,” Applejack said with a cough. She peered into the room behind the woman, spying a room that looked surprisingly spartan for what she assumed was a princess given the picture on the door. Opting not to pry for the moment, she held out her hoof to greet the woman. “Name’s Applejack,” she said, hopefully.
“Hi!” the woman said, grabbing the hoof and shaking it enthusiastically. “I’m Daisy!”
* * *
Samus stalked through the halls, her face set in a pensive frown. She was admittedly known around the Acropolis as a dour sort, save to a select few people. But if one was to observe her right now, one might sense that she was excessively grumpy today.
And who could blame her? After all, not only was there the mystery of the four ponies who had appeared in the Smashworld without their consent or knowledge of what they were getting into, but the number of purportedly villainous characters that she was going to have to deal with this time was higher than it had ever been before.
“Hello, Samus.”
And one of those villains was a genocidal maniac who had killed her parents.
Samus stopped in her tracks, putting on the helmet she’d been carrying in the crook of her arm and sealing it with a hiss. She felt something shift behind her and turned around to see a massive purple tail with a wicked-looking barb on the end dangling from above her. All at once, a sickening purple and red, gangly mass dropped from the ceiling with a soft thump at her feet. The clawed, spiked creature unfurled a set of deadly-spiked wings and fluidly opened its limbs, standing up slowly and revealing a long, beaked face with a long mouth stretching up its skull, set in a permanent, malicious grin. Its yellow eyes were slitted and seemed to glow from inside, and a sharp, scythe-like crest stretched back a couple feet from its head. Its talons flexed and it tapped its raptor-like claws on the ground as it stretched and popped its spindly, yet muscular joints. The barbed tail swished back and forth behind it, every single vertebra along it visible through its purplish, scaly skin, and its chest heaved with every breath, ribs plainly visible beneath its pectorals. The creature opened its mouth, revealing rows of needle-like teeth and a flexible dripping tongue.
Samus lowered herself into a combat stance, aiming her cannon arm at the monster that had been following her for her whole life.
“Ridley…” she growled.
“Tsk tsk…” Ridley taunted. “Oh Samus, are you planning to kill me?” he said, his sickening grin widening as he stood up to his full eight-and-a-half-foot height. “I’m pretty sure that’s against the rules, you know. You wouldn’t want that big, floating hand to have to give you a spanking, would you?”
Samus said nothing, merely continuing to aim her cannon at the monster’s face.
“Oh come now,” he sneered, beginning to pace around the huntress, like a shark circling its prey. “I’m not here to fight. I’m just here to talk,” he said raising his claws. “Can’t two old friends take a minute to have a pleasant conversation?”
“Friends?” Samus scoffed. “We were never friends, Ridley.”
“No?” the space dragon chuckled, his tail whipping and slicing the air a mere centimeter from Samus’ visor. “I seem to recall that the first thing an adorable little girl said to me was that we could be friends, no matter how different we were.”
“And I remember a monster proving that little girl couldn’t be more wrong when he slaughtered her entire family in front of her,” Samus growled.
“Oh are you still on about that?” Ridley rolled his slitted eyes and clucked his flexible tongue. “It’s been over twenty years, Samus. When are you going to drop that little mistake?”
Samus took a deep breath through her nose inside her armor, recognizing the veiled taunt for what it was. “Why are you here, Ridley?” she snapped.
“Oh, it’s just been so long since we’ve seen each other, Samus,” Ridley flashed his teeth in a needley grin.
“Bullshit. I fought you only a month ago,” she retorted.
Ridley scoffed. “Oh don’t be stupid, Samus. I know you’re smarter than that. I heard about your adventures since Zebes through the grapevine. You do know that everything attributed to me since then was the work of a clone, right?”
Samus growled. It was true, the scientists of the Galactic Federation had unwittingly cloned Ridley after her second adventure on Zebes. Even the one she had previously fought during the subspace incursion of the Smashworld had been that same clone, and it had not the memories, nor the intelligence of the genuine article, instead acting as a savage, animalistic beast. Though it did seem to retain, somehow, an instinctive hatred of the bounty hunter.
“Admittedly…” Ridley said, pensively, bringing a claw to his chin in an overly exaggerated gesture. “I suppose this body is a clone as well. My minions managed to replicate the Federation’s cloning technology. Except this time, they managed to upload my old memories into it. Again, stolen from Fed tech.”
Samus thought to her most recent adventure upon the Biologic Space Labs station, where she had discovered the memories of her old C.O., Adam Malkovich, had been stored in her gunship’s computer. If what Ridley was saying was true, it sounded like the Pirates had used similar tech to save the monster’s memories, only this time had managed to put them back into an organic body.
Ridley chuckled. A raspy sound that reminded the huntress of an eagle choking on its prey. “Really, the mind is what makes you who you really are, though. I suppose that makes me 100% the genuine article, doesn’t it, Samus?” he sneered.
“Kinda short to be the real Ridley, don’t you think?” Samus jibed, a sarcastic smirk beneath her helmet.
Samus swore she saw Ridley frown for a split second as he paced around the hunter, his wings flaring a little and his tail cracking like a whip. His visage quickly returned to one of mocking calm, though, as he continued to taunt her. “Yes, I suppose it takes a while to grow back entirely from just a cluster of cells. Alas, I’ve only had a month or two in this new body.”
“That clone of yours grew to be a good twenty feet long in just a couple days,” Samus retorted.
“Oh, but that clone was a moronic, savage piece of meat,” Ridley sneered. “Messing with the growth process tends to affect the brain, don’t you know?” Ridley took on a pouty look. “You wouldn’t want a snarling animal over my charming company, would you?”
“I’d rather be swallowed by Kraid,” Samus snarled, her eyes narrowing.
“Oh, that could be arranged as soon as we get back home, Samus. Kraid sends his regards.” Ridley chuckled, stopping his pacing and standing behind her. “But I’m not interested in fighting you anymore, you see. That’s what I came here to tell you.”
“Oh?” Samus growled, not turning to look at her tormentor.
“Indeed,” Ridley said, with a little hiss, sidling up right behind her and placing his claws on her shoulders. The space dragon brought his face right up next to the huntress’s and grinned. “I’ve decided I don’t want to fight you anymore. I want to take you up on your first offer from all those years ago, Samus. I want to be friends…” He flashed his pearly-white needle teeth at her. “I want us to be best friends.”
Samus snarled. “That offer has been off the table for twenty-five years.”
“Oh, I know,” Ridley said, mock-sorrowfully, pulling his face into another false pout. “Always at odds, you and I.” His face lit up again. “But then I was invited to this wonderful tournament.”
Samus tensed up, her cannon beginning to spark with energy.
“I heard about that wish. That oh-so-tantalizing wish that everybody wants their hands on. At first I thought, ‘wouldn’t it be great to use that wish to wipe out the Federation in one fell swoop? No resistance? No plucky little rebels to fight me after all is said and done?’” The monster shook his head. “But then I thought, ‘No. That’d be much too easy. Where’s the fun in it?’”
Ridley laughed his raspy laugh again. “And then, my dear, my thoughts turned to you.”
Samus’ free hand clenched into a fist. “You wanted to kill me.” It was not a question.
“Oh, Samus, you wound me.” Ridley put a talon to his emaciated chest. “Why would I ever want you dead? Haven’t you figured it out yet?” He leaned in close, whispering in her ear. “You complete me…”
“No, Samus,” he continued, letting go of her and pacing around to face her again. “I thought to myself, ‘Samus is by far the greatest warrior in the galaxy. Greater than even myself.’ Yes I’m humble enough to admit it,” he cocked his head with a snicker. “And I realized something. ‘Wouldn’t it just be wonderful,’ I thought, ‘if Samus were merely to think a little more like I do?’”
Samus’ breathing started to grow heavy and shuddering and her clenched fist started to twitch a little as she stared into Ridley’s eyes. The monster drew his face closer to her visor, looking into her flaming eyes through the green window.
“Wouldn’t it just be excellent,” Ridley continued, “if Samus Aran’s pesky ideals and morals aligned a little more with mine? If I could just... tinker with her thoughts even a little bit? Change one or two little things in that big, beautiful brain of hers?” He sneered, bringing a claw up to tap at Samus’ helmet. “And wouldn’t it just be delightful if when I did that, she’d join my forces? That she’d do so willingly? That she’d downright beg me to be a part of my army?” He laughed a little harder. “Think of what the two of us would do. The Federation’s best and most powerful tool turned against them! Oh, wouldn’t the irony be delicious?”
Samus’ fist twitched as she snarled under her helmet, teeth gritting so hard they felt like they might crack.
“Samus Aran: Premiere general of the Space Pirate army! No force in the universe would be enough to stop us!” Ridley laughed, spraying spittle all over Samus’ visor. “The very thought makes me downright giddy, Samus.” The dragon clicked his teeth at the huntress as he grinned. “And who knows, my dear?” Ridley said, tracing a claw down Samus’ helmet, down her chest and stopping just below her waist. “Perhaps if we spend enough time together we might even become something more than comrades in arms...”
Samus socked Ridley across the face with her fist.
Ridley stumbled back, scrabbling across the tile as his footclaws fought for purchase. Blinking a little, Ridley worked his jaw, finding his balance. He turned his sickly, grinning face to Samus. “Nice shot,” he said with a chuckle. “I hope you keep that fire alive, Samus. I’d hate for it to be too easy.”
Ridley burst his wings open in one swift motion, causing a massive gust to blow through the hallway. “I’ll see you soon, dearie,” he cackled, lifting off into the air with a beat of his massive wings, sailing off down the hallway with a malicious peal of laughter.
Samus breathed heavily, her infuriated gasps fogging up her visor. The huntress worked her fist, opening and closing it over and over again before taking a deep, long breath and disengaging her arm cannon, the weapon shutting down with a descending beep. A wisp of smoke was emitted by the cannon before it dissipated in the still air.
The huntress stood still as a statue for several minutes. A gray and blue R.O.B. rolled up to her, poking at her curiously. Samus wheeled back and punched the robot in the face as hard as she could with her arm cannon, knocking the R.O.B. off its base and sending it hurtling to the floor. The robot struggled for a moment, fruitlessly attempting to get upright again, like a turtle on its back, before sending out a distress signal and beeping pitifully.
Samus snorted and turned on one heel and stomped off through the halls again, in the opposite direction Ridley had flown in, waves of hatred radiating off of her.
* * *
Deep in the Acropolis was a section of rooms that were nothing but meeting halls. By all rights, it was an entirely superfluous wing of the structure; after all, there were only fifty inhabitants within its mountainous confines. One could wander the massive castle for a week and not run into any of the other inhabitants but the R.O.B.s if one were so inclined. Most of the inhabitants kept themselves to a very small section of the Acropolis’ interior for just that reason.
Which is why having several dozen meeting halls, each capable of seating the entirety of the company in the building was a little bit excessive. Most of them never saw any use; just like most of the rooms in the superstructure.
One meeting hall, though, was currently host to ten of the Acropolis’ fifty inhabitants.
The ten characters were seated around the end of one of the massively long tables that ran down the middle of the massive meeting hall, having a friendly chat before the rest of their company arrived.
“Hurry up and pass me the donuts before Kirby shows up,” a lean, muscular man in a red, face-obscuring helmet and blue jumpsuit said, grabbing at a massive plate of donuts. “No snack will be safe when he gets here!” he quipped, nabbing a chocolate-frosted donut off the top of the pile and prepared to shove the whole thing in his mouth. He was foiled, though, when a long, cherry-red tongue wrapped itself around the donut and yanked it out of his hand and into a big green mouth across the table.
Captain Falcon grumbled as Yoshi chewed the donut happily. “Yoshi Yoshi!” the big green dinosaur squeaked happily.
“Yeah, yeah. Keep talking, fossil fuel,” Captain Falcon grumbled, crossing his arms.
Next to Yoshi was a lanky man in green. He wore overalls and a cap with a stylized “L” on the front and had a big, smooth moustache and a frankly massive nose. The man known as Luigi looked to his left to see a small child in a yellow and blue shirt with a red baseball cap sitting quietly and thoughtfully.
“You doing okay kiddo?” Luigi asked the child.
The child tensed for a moment, then sighed, shaking his head. “The nightmares were getting better, but they started coming back about a month ago.”
“Have you tried talking to anybody?” Luigi asked, patting the child’s back, only for him to jolt a little. He retracted his hand. “Sorry,” he said. “Didn’t realize it was still so bad.”
“It’s been three years,” Ness mumbled. “More if you count what goes on here. I think if it was going to get better it would have.”
“It’ll get better,” Luigi said encouragingly. “I had nightmares for well over a year after what happened in that mansion, but they got better.”
The boy just mumbled something noncommittal.
“Hey,” Luigi said. “I mean it. Whatever it is you’ve been through that’s still so bad you can’t talk about it? It’ll pass.” Luigi nodded. “Trust me.”
The boy smiled almost imperceptibly for a moment, his big black eyes blinking, before he turned away and started speaking again. “It’s not just the nightmares though. Something doesn’t… feel right here.”
“Like last time?” Luigi asked.
Ness shook his head. “No, last time it was like… like walking into a room and everybody in the room has green skin and fangs for teeth. This time it’s more like you walk into the room and everybody looks normal, but they’re all smiling just a little too widely and standing up just a little too straight.” He shook. “Its hard to try and describe these feelings in words.”
Luigi hummed softly. “I think we all feel a little unsettled.” He patted the boy on his back. “If you want you can go back to your room and relax? I’m sure nobody here will mind. You’re still a kid after all.”
“I want to be here though.” Ness said, before huffing. “I just wish it’d hurry up.”
The green-garbed plumber stroked his moustache. “I’m sure the meeting will start soon.”
“He has a point though,” another voice came from behind him, the plumber turning to see a blonde woman in a large pink dress, “When are we going to begin?” Princess Peach asked.
Luigi shrugged. “Mario, Link, Kirby, and Samus still aren’t here,” he said. “I think Mario, Link, and Samus were taking care of the situation with those pony newcomers. Can’t speak for Kirby.”
Princess Peach tapped her chin with a silk-gloved finger. “Kirby is probably still sleeping, the little dear,” she pondered, looking across the table and spying a brown haired woman in purple with a golden wreath crown. “Zelda! Zelda, dearie!” she called out.
Princess Zelda looked up from a stack of papers she was writing upon with a quill and ink. The Crown Princess of Hyrule raised an eyebrow. “What is it, Peach?” she asked, her voice neutral.
“Do you have any idea when Link will be here?” Peach asked with a sweet smile.
Zelda frowned, her nose wrinkling in distaste. “How should I know?” she grumbled angrily. “Why would I have any knowledge of what goes through that fop-head of his?” she snapped.
Peach brought a gloved hand to her mouth. “Oh dear, are you two having a lover’s spat?” Zelda stiffened as she spoke. “But you two were so sweet on each other the last time we were all here!”
The Princess of Hyrule fixed the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom with a glare that could melt steel. “Look, We would be most appreciative if you simply desisted bringing the subject to bear. I’m not inclined to speak of my personal life at this moment.”
Princess Peach nodded. “Very well, dear. If you’re sure…”
“Indeed,” Zelda grumbled, only to be startled by a sudden pressure on her left arm. The princess looked down to see a pink blob with big blue eyes hugging her arm.
“Jiggly Jiggly!” The little balloon-like creature said sadly, its eyes watering.
“No, I’ve no intention to talk about it,” Zelda said bluntly. “It’s between myself and Link and it simply is not appropriate.”
“Jiggly, Jigglypuff!” Jigglypuff said with a pout.
“There’s nothing you can do,” Zelda said sternly, turning back to whatever it was she was writing.
The little balloon pokemon sighed sadly. “Jiggly Jigglypuff, Jiggly Puffpuff…” she said, turning to a yellow mouse with long ears and a lightning bolt- shaped tail next to her.
“Pi, Pika Pikachu” the mouse replied, munching on a rice ball.
“Puff puff, Jigglypuff!” Jigglypuff said, motioning to Zelda, who was pointedly ignoring the two of them.
“Pika Pika Pi. Chaaa~,” Pikachu shrugged, shoving the rest of his rice ball in his mouth.
Fox blinked at the two of them, looking over at Zelda. “How can you understand them again?”
“Translation spell,” Zelda said, not looking up from her paperwork. “Any magically inclined society comes up with at least a basic one.” She said, raising an eyebrow. “We’ve spoken of this before, Mr. McCloud.”
“Yeah, and even after all this time I still have trouble wrapping my head around anything ‘magical.’” Fox snorted out of his vulpine nose. “You’ve tried to explain it before but I still don’t get it. My universe has translators, but they only work if the language in question is stored in them after thorough analyzation of their vocabulary, and it doesn’t work so well when there’s only one word or animal noises to work off of.”
Zelda huffed. “Yes, well, I’m afraid that at this given moment I am not inclined to try and explain it again,” she snapped, fixing Fox with an aside glare.
Fox raised his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Yeesh,” he said, looking aside to the big ape in nothing but a tie sitting next to him, currently devouring a bunch of bananas. “Man, she’s not having a good day, is she?” he whispered softly, motioning over his shoulder with his thumb.
“Barooo?” Donkey Kong said with a perplexed look.
Fox blinked. “Right, I don’t know why I even try,” he sighed, grumbling a little. “I need magic...”
The ten of them continued chatting for a few minutes before the door to the room was pulled open. The group fell silent as Mario and Link sauntered in, followed closely by Kirby. The little pink puffball looked as if he’d been sprinting, bending over and panting for breath.
“Heya, everybody,” Mario grinned, flashing a winning smile. “Sorry we’re late. We were busy helping the newcomers. I’m sure you know the ones we’re talking about.”
Captain Falcon nodded, attempting to shove another donut in his mouth, only for Kirby to leap up and catch it. The captain scowled then turned to Mario again. “Those pony characters Zelda told us about? The ones who were pretty much kidnapped?”
Link nodded, sitting across the table from Zelda. Their eyes met for a moment before the princess looked away angrily. Link’s ears visibly drooped.
“What’s the verdict on them?” Luigi stood, giving a friendly, brotherly hug to his red-clad sibling. Breaking away, he continued. “You just said that you were going to check them out and ran off with Link and Samus.”
Mario looked around. “Where is Samus anyway?”
“She isn’t with you?” Fox asked, grabbing at a shishkebab from the massive plate of food, only for it to be snatched away by Kirby at the last second.
“She went off to park her ship,” Mario said, scratching at his moustache. “I’d thought she’d get here before us.”
Captain Falcon held up a communicator. “You want me to try and call her?”
Mario nodded. “Please.”
The Captain punched a few buttons on his comm device, holding it out for everybody in the room to hear. The little phone rang for a moment before going silent.
“She’s not picking up,” Captain Falcon said, his mouth turning down at the side a little. He turned to Mario. “You want me to keep trying?”
Mario opened his mouth to say yes, only for Princess Peach to put a hand on his shoulder. “Let her be,” the princess sighed. “She’s probably in one of her moods again.”
Zelda spoke up. “Well isn’t it understandable?” she asked, sorting through the papers she’d been working with. “After all, the creature that murdered her family is here,” she said, clearing her throat, “Speaking of which, shall we get down to business if we aren’t going to wait for her?”
Mario sighed. “Alrighty. So, who’ve we got this time around, Zelda?”
Zelda cleared her throat. “Well, to begin with, several of our contenders from last time around are no longer here. Lucas, Ike, Diddy Kong, Nana and Popo, and the other Link from that other timeline are all absent,” she explained.
“Good thing too…” Fox said, rubbing his temples. “There was something about that kid that made my head hurt when I looked at him. Like light bounced off him wrong or something.” He grimaced at the thought, opening his eyes to see the present Link scowling at him. He held up his hands in an attempt to reassure. “Not that he wasn’t a good kid.”
Link seemed placated, rolling his eyes at the anthropomorphic fox.
“Frankly, the timelines thing in general makes my head hurt,” Captain Falcon said, trying to grab at another donut while Kirby was busy trying to shove a whole watermelon down his gullet. He had just about brought it to his mouth when Yoshi suddenly wrapped his tongue around it again and it slipped out of his grasp. The green dinosaur grinned cheekily at the Captain, who growled at the little creature.
Captain Falcon fumed. “Oh you wanna go?! You wanna go, Fossil?! You wanna have a fight?!” he shouted, standing up and pointing at the little dinosaur.
“Captain, please. Enough of this tomfoolery,” Zelda remarked, flicking her wrist, a burst of magic causing the captain to slip off his feet and land with a thump back in his chair. The grumbling racer pouted and crossed his arms.
Zelda cleared her throat, unfolding a small pair of reading glasses from a pouch upon her hip and placing them upon the bridge of her nose. The princess lifted one of her sheaths of paper to her eyes and began to read. “As I was saying, according to the people we spoke to in the great hall, we’ve managed to make a mostly complete list of the contenders this time around.” She lifted a hand, motioning at Mario and Peach. “To start with, Peach tells me that her cousin, Princess Daisy, is a contender this time.”
Princess Peach blew out a long suffering sigh. “Yeah… that’s going to be pleasant.” She shook her head. “Daisy is hard enough to deal with whenever we get together to go karting or play soccer. I can’t imagine how she’ll act in a fighting tournament. I can guarantee it won’t be with any sense of decorum, though.”
“She’s just a free spirit,” Luigi sighed, scratching under his cap. “She never wanted to rule a kingdom you know.”
Peach tensed. “It doesn’t matter if she wanted it or not. She has a responsibility to-”
“You know,” Zelda said testily, “we’re going to be for quite some time tonight if we don’t hasten this along.” The princess raised an eyebrow.
The two inhabitants of the Mushroom Kingdom looked at each other for a moment before nodding and motioning that she continue.
“Thank you,” Zelda said, pushing her glasses back up. “Anyway, continuing with newcomers from the Mushroom Kingdom, we have a mage named Kamek.” The residents of the Mushroom Kingdom stiffened. “...A pirate from the Kitchen isles by the name of Captain Maple Syrup.” Peach and Mario stiffened a little further. “...And a used car salesman named Waluigi.”
Mario, Luigi, and Peach all groaned audibly.
“I take it he isn’t popular?” Captain Falcon asked with a chuckle.
“He’s an obnoxious swindler that cheats at anything he can, insists everything he does is perfect, and can never take even an ounce of criticism against him,” Peach groaned, massaging her forehead.
“He’s got some sort of irrational vendetta against me for some reason, too,” Luigi muttered. “I’ve never understood why.”
Mario cleared his throat. “He’s not really much of a threat though. Not compared to Bowser, Kamek, or even his brother Wario.” He shrugged. “He has some basic magical ability, but nothing special. Daisy and Peach both have more powerful magic than he does.”
Zelda nodded, scratching a note down next to Waluigi’s name on the list. “Very well. Moving on, from Hyrule we have a newcomer in the form of a sorcerer who goes by the name of Vaati.”
“What can you tell us about him?” Mario asked, leaning into the table.
Link shook his head, making a few distinct motions with his fingers. Zelda sighed and conjured a book in her hands. “Unfortunately not much,” she said, flipping through the book and coming to a stop at a faded page with smudged text. “Vaati was a wind sorcerer from long, long ago. There’s passages about him winning a tournament and turning an ancestor of mine to stone…” she trailed off. “Sadly, it seems most of our records of him have been lost, and those that remain are vague at best.”
“But we know he’s a bad guy,” Fox said with a nod.
“Not much else, but we can make that hypothesis, yes,” Zelda acquiesced. “I’d suggest keeping watch on him. Unfortunately, thanks to the incomplete records, we don’t know what he’s capable of.” She cleared her throat, looking back down to the paper she was reading off of. “Moving on,” she said, “we have Samus’ arch nemesis that she would not cease ranting about: one ‘Ridley.’”
“That guy from the Subspace mess?” Captain Falcon said, leaning over to get a look at Zelda’s notes, only for the princess to pull them away, like they were students in a classroom. “Why would the Master Hand bring on somebody who tried to kill him and destroy reality as we know it?”
“We aren’t sure,” Mario said, stroking his moustache. “There’s a lot going on that doesn’t add up if you haven’t noticed.” The plumber raised a bushy eyebrow.
“On a less disturbing note,” Zelda said, smiling faintly, “Pit informed me that a friend of his by the name of Magnus was here. Apparently he is a powerful warrior for the side of good.” She looked directly at Link. “I believe I shall speak with him myself to see how his claims hold up, though Pit has proven trustworthy in the past. I’ve no doubt Magnus will turn out to be a close ally.”
Link frowned, his ears pulling back as he turned away and suddenly gained a vested interest in a crumb of breading from a fried chicken leg.
Fox cleared his throat, speaking up to try and chase away the awkward conflict going on a few seats over from him. “Anyway,” he said hesitantly, “As far as my world goes, there’s me and Falco, and also my fiancée, Krystal.”
“Indeed.” Zelda nodded. “Fox has vouched for Krystal, and while abrasive, we all know Falco can be trusted.” Tracing her finger down the list, she came to the next contenders. “Moving forward, from Kanto we have Pikachu and Jigglypuff returning.”
“Pika Pi!”
“Jiggly!”
“...but sadly, it seems that Red and his team are not with us this time.”
Across the room, Ness mumbled something softly under his breath.
“Instead, we seem to have gotten a friend of his. A girl by the name of Leaf. Apparently, she trains a slightly different team from Red’s.” She nodded to Captain Falcon. “You said she showed you her teammates, Captain?”
The race pilot nodded. “Yeah, she was real eager to show them off. One was a tiny orange lizard called a Charmander. I think it was a baby form of that Charizard thing. The next was a big, dark Squirtle with silly ears called a Wartortle, and last was a giant Ivysaur with a big-ass flower on its back called a Venusaur.” The Captain grimaced. “The flower smelled like something died.”
“How pleasant,” Zelda said, a dry sarcasm permeating her words. “Leaf also informed us of another contender from her world… unfortunately another one we’ll have to watch out for.” She nodded to Pikachu. “Pikachu? Jigglypuff? If you would?”
Jigglypuff nodded, handing Pikachu a big marker with a green cap. Pikachu took it in his stubby paw, then grabbed a blank piece of paper from Zelda’s stack. After a few squeaky moments of furiously scribbling on the paper, Pikachu lifted it up to show the rest of the company what he had drawn. A surprisingly well drawn and detailed bust of a man in what appeared to be a fancy Italian suit sneered at the rest of the folks in the room. He had a severe face with a hawkish nose and short, blackened hair, and a smile that would send shivers down the most hardened trainer’s spine.
“This is Giovanni,” Zelda said. “According to Leaf and Pikachu here, he’s the ex-leader of some world-spanning organized crime ring called Team Rocket. Currently underground, he apparently has been trying to rebuild his organization ever since Pikachu’s old trainer took it down. He is purportedly not above such things as sabotage, dirty dealings, and other dishonorable methods. What’s worse, we are not yet aware what kind of team he trains. Keep a lookout for him.”
“Alright, will do.” Mario nodded. “Who else is new?”
“Hmmmm…” Zelda leafed through the papers. “Not many others from established worlds. Marth, Olimar, Sonic, and Mr. Game and Watch are all here, but there’s nobody new from their worlds. Kirby is here, of course, with Meta Knight and King Dedede, but nobody else from Dreamland. From there, we go to contenders we recognize but had no actual contact with before. Specifically, Little Mac, Isaac, and Starfy, who were all assist trophy constructs the last time around.”
“Yeah, it’s gotta be weird for them.” Luigi chewed on his lip. “It’s like… we recognize them, but they have no idea who we are.”
“Little Mac and Isaac didn’t seem too put off,” Peach said, leaning over the table to get a better look at the list. “And Starfy seems a little bit like… well… Kirby.”
The entire room turned to look at the little puffball sitting in the center of the table, happily resting in a pile of food scraps.
“...He seems the unfazable sort.”
“That brings us to newcomers we’ve no knowledge of,” Zelda said. “Unless Mr. Snake would like to share with the class?”
A sharp note rang out as something thumped under the table. Everybody in the room jumped, startled, before leaning over to check whatever it was beneath them. Grumbling and rubbing his head, a grizzled, bearded man in a skintight gray-blue suit and blue bandanna shimmied out from under the table.
“Snake,” Zelda greeted “Nice of you to join us.”
“Hnggh…” Snake grunted, noncommittally.
“You do know this is meant to be a private meeting, right?” Captain Falcon sneered, glaring at the old soldier who’d sat down next to him.
“Yeah,” Snake said offhandedly, lighting a cigarette. “That’s why I was spying on you. Not that Otacon didn’t know most of that intel already.”
“Ah yes, that would be your prophetic friend back in your realm, correct?” Zelda asked, raising an eyebrow.
“...Something like that, yeah,” Snake mumbled. “He still wants your autograph by the way.”
“Maybe later,” Zelda said, waving him off. Snake didn’t pry any further. “For now, why don’t you tell us what your prophet friend has ordained about the other contestants?”
Snake grumbled, pulling out a number of photographs from a pouch on his chest and tossing them across the table at Zelda and Mario. The two veterans picked them up and started leafing through them. Zelda pulled out a photo of a man in leather armor with a long whip at his belt, while Mario found himself with a picture of a small boy in blue armor.
“Simon Belmont and Megaman,” Snake grumbled. “The first one is a vampire hunter from 17th century Europe. Apparently, he managed to kill Dracula, if you believe that Dracula actually existed beyond the historical Vlad the Impaler.”
“As for Megaman, he’s an android called a ‘Robot Master’ with the ability to copy the abilities of other Robot Masters. He’s a very versatile, combat ready robot with a humanlike consciousness. According to Otacon, he’s managed to take down a mad scientist by the name of Doctor Albert Wily upwards of ten times.”
Zelda nodded. “Yes, we’re familiar with these two actually,” she said, her brow knitting. “Pit informed us he knew them somehow.”
“Oh?” Snake said, interested.
Mario nodded, looking confused. “Yeah. When we asked him how he knew them, he just started saying ‘Never again, never again’ over and over and then walked up to a wall and started banging his head against it.”
There was silence in the meeting hall for a second as everybody looked between each other. In the silence, Kirby burped a little.
“Weird,” Snake mumbled.
Zelda leafed through her stack of photos again, pulling out a picture of a black haired woman with frightfully pale skin in a blue tank top and tight black pants. “And this might be?”
Snake took a drag of his cigarette. “Introduced herself to Peachy’s cousin as one ‘Winona Fit.’ Said she was a yoga instructor. Otacon wasn’t familiar with her.”
“Oh?” Zelda said with a proud smirk. “Could it be there is something your oracle friend doesn’t know?”
“Hnnnh,” Snake grunted, continuing. “From the look of it, late twenties. Looks to be an albino if the skin and eyes are any indication. Probably dyes her hair. Looks quite fit, appropriately for her surname. Fighting capability unknown. Doesn’t seem hostile, but worth checking up on.”
“We’ll keep her in mind,” Mario said, nodding. “What about the ponies?”
Snake shook his head. “Otacon didn’t recognize them. He knows nothing about any of them.”
Zelda added a quirked eyebrow to her smirk. “Seems he’s not being particularly useful this time around.”
Snake was about to retort, but Mario interrupted him by clearing his throat. “Samus, Link, and I already spent some time with the ponies anyway so it isn’t a biggie,” he said placatingly. “The three little ones are named Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, and Fluttershy.”
“How saccharine…” Fox said with a chuckle.
Princess Peach giggled. “They sound adorable.”
“Twilight at least seems capable of some very powerful magic,” Mario continued. “I can’t say I know everything she’s capable of. Fluttershy is, of course, winged. It’s safe to assume she can fly but we haven’t seen her try to do so yet, and beyond that we aren’t sure. As for AJ, she doesn’t seem capable of flight or magic, but I have a feeling she’s got some tricks up her sleeve.”
“And what about the big buggy black one?” Luigi asked. “What did you learn about her?”
Mario sighed. “That would be Queen Chrysalis, and unlike the rest of them, I don’t think she can be trusted,” he said with a sad stroke of his moustache. “She seems capable of both magic and flight, and acts very entitled and high on herself. According to Twilight and the others, she can copy the appearance of any thinking creature she sees and drains emotions for food.”
Captain Falcon stopped and stared around the room. “Wait… so does that mean that… any one of us could be Chrysalis right now?”
Zelda, Peach, Mario and Snake all facepalmed.
Captain Falcon continued, glaring suspiciously at Donkey Kong, who had been paying rapt attention the whole time whilst making his way through his bananas. “You’ve been pretty silent the whole time, big guy. You got something you wanna say?”
Donkey Kong blinked. “Baroo?”
Captain Falcon threw back a laugh. “Likely story!”
“Captain, enough,” Zelda said, snapping her fingers and sending a bolt of magic through the air. Everybody in the room felt a tingling on their skin for a moment before it dissipated. “There, I have just cast an anti-disguise spell on this room. Chrysalis is not here.”
The Captain slouched back in his chair with an embarrassed chuckle. “Sorry, big guy,” he said with a sheepish grin.
DK snorted.
Captain Falcon looked at Kirby and Yoshi. “Why don’t you guys ever steal his food?”
The two gluttonous creatures’ eyes widened, looking back and forth between Donkey Kong and the bounty hunter incredulously. Captain Falcon looked confused for a moment before Snake chuckled. The racer raised an eyebrow.
“Have you seen what he does to people who steal his food?” Snake asked with another, grim chuckle. The Captain shook his head prompting Snake to continue. “Let’s just say that King K. Rool hasn’t been seen in almost a decade.”
Captain Falcon blinked, then grimaced and went back to sitting silently. Donkey Kong thumped his chest with a fist and grinned, then went back to eating his banana bunch.
Zelda sighed. “If we might find our way back on track?” she asked, exasperatedly, pulling out two pictures, one of a classy looking man in a large top hat and the other of a small boy in a red, knitted cap carrying a notebook, out of the stack of photographs. “Has your oracle friend any idea who these are?”
"The kid is named Maxwell. From what I hear, he's a good kid, if a little irresponsible. Which isn't helped by the fact that his magical notebook can literally conjure anything from thin air."
"Anything?" Peach gasped.
"Well, not quite anything." Snake grumbled. "Can't make a decent jug of whiskey, and it seems like anytime he tries to make something living he just ends up with a construct, like the ones the Smashworld makes. There are other limitations, too, but that notebook packs some serious mojo. He's not malicious, but keep an eye on him just in case. That's a lot of power for one so young."
"Of course." Zelda nodded. "And the man in the top hat?"
“Professor Hershel Layton,” Snake said, nonplussed. “Mid to late thirties. Professor of archaeology, consulting detective for Scotland Yard, and puzzle enthusiast. Highly intelligent, genius IQ. Fancies himself some sort of ‘True Gentleman’ and lives by a code of honor and chivalry. From what I understand, he’s also a capable fencer and boxer, but prefers to solve things with his head rather than his fists.”
“Rather an odd choice for a fighting tournament, then,” Peach said, cocking her head. “It’s a bit tricky to think your way out of a fighting ring...”
“Tricky, maybe, but not impossible,” Snake muttered. “Besides, if pushed, he’ll definitely fall back on those fighting skills he keeps boxed up.”
“He doesn’t sound dangerous though,” Fox said, looking at the photograph. “You said he lives by a code of chivalry and stuff.”
“In my experience,” Snake grumbled, “just because you live by a code doesn’t mean you can’t be a monster.” He stared off into space as he spoke, his mind elsewhere.
“Speaking of monsters,” Zelda said, pulling another photo, this one of a man in a military garb with blonde hair and skin covered in electrical scars. “Friend of yours?”
“Colonel Yevgeny Borisovich Volgin,” Snake said. “Never knew him, but… he was an enemy of an old enemy, you might say.” Snake was silent for a moment as he took a long drag from his cig.
“So he is a friend then?” Mario asked curiously.
“You wish,” Snake said, breathing smoke out his nose. “Man tried to start a third World War and drop nukes on the entire western hemisphere. All so he could rule the inevitable rock of fire and ash with an iron fist. The sick bastard glorified war and fighting like nothing else and got off on peoples’ pain, treating torture like some kind of sick art,” he grumbled, putting his cigarette out. “Just because an enemy of mine fought him doesn’t mean he’s my friend. Watch out for him. He may just be the most evil man here.”
The weight of Snake’s words settled heavily around the room. “We’ll keep a close eye on him,” Mario said after a moment.
“And what about this last one?” Zelda said, pulling the last photo out of the stack. Depicted on it was a man in a tooth-rimmed bush hat and leather vest with frayed jeans and hiking boots, a bullwhip wrapped around his waist. The man was passed out drunk at a buffet table in the Great Hall, clutching a bottle of Jack Daniels in one hand and a broken shot glass in the other. There was a goofy grin on his face as he lay there, slumped over the table.
Snake shook his head. “Don’t recognize him.”
“And your oracle friend?” Zelda asked.
“He said there was something about him that seemed familiar, but that he couldn’t put his finger on it,” Snake said. “I can’t get a bead on him from just his looks, but I’d say, given the way he was acting, he’s probably harmless. Keep an eye on him though, just to be sure.”
“Thank you, Snake,” Mario said, standing up. The old, grizzled soldier stood up with him, stepping past the other members of the little gathering and up to the short plumber. Mario held out a gloved hand. “You’ve been a big help.”
Snake hemmed and hawed for a moment, before grasping the plumber’s hand. “Taking a gamble on you guys,” he grunted. “Hope you can keep these goons in line, while I take care of business.”
“And what sort of business would that be?” Zelda asked, removing her glasses and fixing him with a stare.
Snake raised an eyebrow and smirked faintly. “My business,” he simply replied.
“Of course,” Mario nodded. “Thanks again.”
“Sure,” Snake said, stalking out of the room. “I need some sleep.” The man closed the door behind him leaving the thirteen occupants in silence again.
“Well,” Peach said with a huff. “Never one for pleasantries that one, is he?”
Mario shrugged. “He is who he is.”
Zelda looked at the photo of the strange drunken man from the party earlier in the day. “We’re still left with the mystery of who this fellow is, though…”
“Eh, don’t worry about it,” Fox said, waving it off and kicking his feet up on the table. “I’m sure we’ll figure out who he is sooner rather than later.”
* * *
Fluttershy sighed contentedly as she snuggled into her cozy bed, her new animal friends snuggled around her as she dimmed the lights with a clap of her hooves. The sheets were like gentle, massaging hooves around her and the bed felt downy and soft, almost like sleeping on a cloud bed but without the riskiness of having to sleep in the air. The room was gently scented a warm, flowery scent, and the only sound to be heard was a gentle tune playing on a boxy wooden radio she had found.
‘Maybe... ’ Fluttershy thought. ‘Maybe it won’t be so bad here...’
Fluttershy made to close her eyes and drift off to sleep in her perfect room. Her eyes were just fluttering shut when she noticed the other, previously blank side of the room suddenly spring to life with furniture and other accoutrements. A four post bed covered in a raggedy quilt, an unfinished wooden floor, several footlockers, and a plain wooden dresser all sprung into existence on the other side of the room, along with some photos that she couldn’t quite make out. About the only thing she could make out with any real detail was a sleeping alligator that appeared at the foot of the bed, like her animals. She felt the animals around her shudder as the alligator in question grunted in its sleep.
Suddenly the door flew open, with a thunderous SLAM.
“HOOOOOOO-EE!”
Fluttershy squeaked and fell out of her comfy bed, tumbling with her animals onto the floor. The critters all scattered and fled into their various hidey holes around the room as their caretaker scrabbled to find her footing on the floor and the strange creature tromped around the room squealing pig calls.
“HOOO-WEE that’s some mighty good drink!” The crazy man shouted, waving an empty bottle of whiskey around and stumbling against the wall. “Can’t even feel myself think!” He chuckled, hiccuping. “Heh, I’m a poet!” He grinned dumbly, stumbling into the middle of the room and burping, scratching at his bare chest, which was visible thanks to his open leather vest. Grabbing his hat, he tossed it across the room, where, despite the man’s utter drunkenness, it landed neatly on one of the posts of his new bed. Kicking off his boots and stumbling around in his stocking feet, he stopped when he caught sight of Fluttershy.
“Eep!” Fluttershy squeaked, hiding behind her bed.
“Well, howdy there! Ain’t you a cute l’il jackrabbit?!” the boisterous stranger joked. “Must’a drank more than I thought. Y’all look downright pink and yellow!”
“Um… a-actually…” Fluttershy stuttered.
“Hey, y’all think ya could feed Ollie, little lady?” The crazed man asked, pointing at the alligator, who had since snapped awake at all the commotion. “Boy gets a little cranky when there ain’t nobody to feed him, an’ I’m about to pass out now.”
“Wait, what?” Fluttershy asked, startled.
“Whoop!” the man suddenly yelped. “Over I go!”
With that, the strange character suddenly flopped over and collapsed, face down on his new bed, snoring the moment his face hit the mattress.
Fluttershy blinked, clutching her blanket to her chest. The buttery pegasus could barely process what had just happened. The moment her mind started to clear and she tried to think about it, though, she heard a menacing hissing sound coming from the strange man’s side of the room. Ears perking up, she looked over to see Ollie the Alligator up and about, crawling slowly over towards her.
“Oh… my…”