Better Living Through Science and Ponies

by Pen Stroke

Chapter 8: Not That Easy

“You didn’t really think it would be that easy did you?” GLaDOS asked, her voice echoing across the walls of the room. Chell could only look around in a panic, wondering how GLaDOS was still there. Caroline had taken over, hadn’t she?

“Did you think I’d just let you walk in here like you did with Wheatley? Just waltz right in here and replace me? I didn’t know you were going to find Caroline... but I knew you’d find something... and then you’d walk in here and try to replace me.

“And it would have worked... if I hadn’t had the nanobot work crews rewire the command center. It’s a good thing you took so long to get here... that you waited so that your friends could have time to escape. If you hadn’t... I might not have finished in time. But I did... and now, I’m going to kill you with my own two hooves.”

A few panels in the back of the room opened, the sound of metal clicking against the ground as a figure stepped out of the shadows. Chell and Caroline both turned to watch as GLaDOS literally walked back into the room.

“Do you like it? I had the nanobot work crews whip it up for me. I based it off of that big, fat, white pony with the crown.. though I made sure they slimmed the hips a little bit.” GLaDOS said, coming to a stop. “I had considered making a human one... but I really don’t like humans... I don’t like ponies very much either... but I thought ‘hey, I’m in this world of ponies, so why not have a pony body?’. After all, everything is built for ponies is this universe... I even rebuilt the test chambers and portal guns for them. Being human shaped would have just been a disadvantage.”

Chell could only stare, a cold sweat running down the back of her neck. This couldn’t be good. GLaDOS had constructed a robotic body for herself. Plated in shining white metal, she stood as tall as Princess Celestia though the metallic body was built much thinner, to the point that if any normal pony looked that thin she probably would have had a minor eating disorder.

The robot sported a pair of wings, in the same white metal that covered the rest of her body. They were built somewhat like feathered wings, but the feathers were were replaced with large, bristling bits of razor sharp metal. Appendages that could undoubtedly provide flight but also be used to cut a certain dull orange pony to ribbons.

The final touches to the appearance, GLaDOS’s mane and tail were just loose wires, hanging and dangling limply from the metallic body. Amongst those wires a single metal appendage, a metallic unicorn horn, stood proudly from GLaDOS’s equine forehead. A cutie mark of the Aperture Science logo adorned her flanks.

“So, Chell... think you can kill me now that I can actually fight back?” GLaDOS teased, pawing at the ground once before bursting into a gallop. Chell barely had a moment to react, popping a portal on a distant wall and one beneath her. She fell clear of GLaDOS’s charge, but before Chell could regain her bearings she heard the sound of a turret preparing to fire.

A red targeting laser floated towards her, and Chell only barely started to gallop when bullets came zipping by her in the air. The bullets came from GLaDOS’s new body, a shoulder mounted gun turret that followed Chell as she ran in circled, trying to avoid being shot.

“Hold on Chell!” Caroline called, “She may have left some data in this body. Just give me a moment to try and reconstruct it.... no... no no no. When I was copied into this body the data was overwritten. I can’t retrieve the designs.”

Chell would have cursed if she had the vocal cords. She jumped through a portal to dodge another hailstorm of bullets. With her ranged attacks not working, GLaDOS went on a melee offensive. She got in close to Chell, trying to bring down her metallic hooves on top of the dull orange pony and literally trample her into the ground. It was all Chell could do to keep herself from getting killed. She rolled, dodged, and used portals to zip across the room and escape the murderous GLaDOS and her new equine body.

“Oh, I am going to enjoy this. I’ve killed people with neurotoxin... with deadly lasers... with turrets, poisonous moats, and by cooking them alive. I’ve killed thousands of people... but I killed them like a body kills germs. But I’ve never killed someone bare handed... or bare hoofed. Oh yes... I’m going to enjoy being able to feel your bones break... to draw blood... I am going to enjoy every moment of killing you.”

“I’m sorry Chell, I can’t do anything.” Caroline apologized. “I’m completely locked out of the Enrichment Center. I’m lucky I can make myself move in this ceiling mount. Hey... lure her over her, maybe I can smash my head into her.”

“Please, like I’d be stupid enough to go over there now. It’s amazing to think that I was once your exact copy... I really should have given the scientists here more credit. They tried to control me with personality cores, but they also made me a whole lot smarter than you, Caroline.”

“Smarter isn’t better when you’re heartless.”

“You keep telling yourself that... I’m just going to keep trying to kill this mute lunatic.”

Chell panted; she couldn’t keep this up. She was getting slower, GLaDOS getting closer to connecting with one of her hits. The metallic, Celestia like robot was already charging at Chell again. The dull orange pony just barely managed to get into a defensive position, trying to read what way GLaDOS would attack.

But before getting too close, GLaDOS skidded to one side, one of her side mounted turrets opening up. Chell’s eyes narrowed as she leapt back, but it was all too close. The turret began to fire, and Chell felt one bullet knick her right side and another bury itself in her shoulder.

The surge of pain made Chell fumbled, the portal boots the only thing keeping her from flopping down on the floor. This, however, was a disadvantage as GLaDOS spun on her front hooves and bucked. Chell was sure she felt a few ribs break from the impact before she was sent soaring across the room, crashing into the far wall with another grizzly crack. If her ribs weren’t broken before, they were now.

“CHELL!” Caroline called as the dull orange pony slummed over on the floor, blood starting to pool. “Why don’t you come over here and pick on someone your own size, you monster!”

“I will deal with you soon Caroline.” GLaDOS replied, her equine body have no mouth or nose... just a horse shaped head which contained the speaker her voice emanated from. “But Chell is still alive... and while killing her was a hard problem... It’s one I’ve finally found a solution for.”

Chell’s vision was blurring, both from pain and the blood loss. Still, she could make out the new, equine body of GLaDOS walking towards her. Something in the robots chest was opening up, the plates of armor falling back to reveal a large glass lens with a glowing light behind it.

“I don’t think you’ve seen this before; it’s an Aperture Science Burning Death Laser Cannon. We only ever prototyped it, because while it was in development Black Mesa beat us to the punch and got the military contract. Still, its something I’ve been tinkering with in my spare time... after all, when you’re a super computer you’ve got plenty of CPU cycles for hobbies.”

The light behind the glass lens began to glow brighter, a whirling sound coming from GLaDOS’s new body. Chell began to panic, the only idea coming to her mind was to try and dodge the attack. She strained, lifting a hoof and using the portal boot to pop a portal behind her and one on the ceiling above, but before Chell could roll through it GLaDOS stepped forward, butting a single cold, metallic hoof on Chell’s neck. There was enough pressure to keep Chell pinned, but not enough to suffocate her... after all, GLaDOS didn’t want her favorite test subject to pass out.

“Now, I’ve got a new test for you to try out. It’s really very simple: all you have to do is lie there. The test... well, I want to see just how painful it is to have half of your body blown away by a deadly laser. So... I’m going to vaporize your lower half, and if you haven’t died then I’ll do the upper half... and then I promise you’ll be dead.

“So, how about I aim for that cutie mark of yours?” GLaDOS taunted, the laser cannon in her robotic test on the verge of firing. The murderous red glow began to fall across Chell, the dull orange pony trembling in fear. This was it, she was done for... this crazy computer was finally going to kill her.

Chell shut her eyes, not wanting to see it coming... she could only listen as the whirring sound grew louder and louder... and then there was a surge in the sound, and Chell braced herself for the pain. But it didn’t come, instead she heard GLaDOS howling in agony. The metallic hoof was lifted off of Chell’s chest, allowing the dull orange pony to spring back to her hooves, despite the pain in her shoulder.

“THOSE WORK!!!” GLaDOS screamed, eyes glaring at Chell’s cutie mark. The dull orange pony looked back at the pair of portals that were on her flanks, and then looked back at GLaDOS. The robotic alicorn was now missing one of her wings, the appendage blown off with only a twisted, hot, smoldering metal stump in its place.

Chell took notice of the bits of debris on the floor, including a scorch mark. Looking directly up from the scorch mark, Chell saw the portal she had popped trying to escape. The laser... it had gone through the portals she had as a cutie mark and then through the other portals she had popped to try and escape... GLaDOS had shot her own wing off.

Attention: GLaDOS remote connection disrupted. Signal strength down to 67%. Reverting 33% of facility control to GLaDOS local.

“Hey... hey, I can feel it. I’m getting some control over the facility!” Caroline cheered, turning in the ceiling mount, the panels around the room shifting. “That’s how she’s staying in control; she’s connected wirelessly...and one of her transmitters must have been her right wing.”

Chell smiled, only one thought crossing her mind as she flicked her gaze over at GLaDOS’s other wing. GLaDOS was a computer after all... why not build something perfectly symmetrical?

“Don’t think this means anything... you’ve had one advantage that I didn’t know your cutie mark was a working pair of portals. Now... I know that... and now you don’t have that advantage and now you... are going... to die.” With that GLaDOS turned to her side again, automatic turret coming to life. This time, Chell didn’t try to dodge or roll out of the way. Instead shes turned on her hooves, galloping in the exact opposite direction. She popped a portal on the wall in front of her than threw one on the ceiling behind her.

She leapt through just as the turret began to fire, but before a bullet could hit home Chell was through the portal, falling from the ceiling. In that brief moment before the boots made her turn over to land, Chell moved the portal she had just come out of, putting it right above GLaDOS. The short hail of bullets began coming down on GLaDOS, most of the bullets bouncing off her armored body but a few putting holes through her one remaining wing.

Attention: GLaDOS remote connection disrupted. Signal strength down to 60%. Reverting an additioal 7% of facility control to GLaDOS local.

“I just got control over the delivery tube system.” Caroline called out. “Just give me a moment and I’ll bring you some help.”

A rumbling outside the control room announced the arrival of the tube, the air driven delivery device crashing through the panels of the room and starting to spit out random junk at GLaDOS. Cubes, faulty turrets, and other random objects.

None of it was really anything that would have helped Chell, but what was important was Caroline had put a hole in the control room. Chell was able to see out side, and in the distance she could see a laser from an open test chamber burning against a wall. While GLaDOS was distracted by being hit with a volley of junk, Chell took careful aim, placing a portal right where the laser was striking the distant wall.

“You may control the tubes, Caroline, but I still control the production facilities.”

WARNING: Production facilities disengaged.

Within moments of GLaDOS shutting down the assembly lines the junk flying out of the tube ended, Caroline running out of ammunition. Still, it had bought Chell enough time. The orange pony had positioned herself right in front of GLaDOS, stomping a hoof and puffing some air out her nose.

“Oh... so now you want to fight me head on?” GLaDOS chimed, lowering her stance and spreading her wings.

Chell smiled, shaking her head as she lifted a portal gun. She popped a portal on the floor just below GLaDOS’s wing, a portal paired to the one that she had thrown up outside the control room, where she had seen the old testing laser hitting the wall. The test laser shot straight through GLaDOS’s wing, like a hot knife through butter, but that wasn’t going to be all.

The dull orange pony did have four portal guns after all, one for each hoof, and she had placed them about the room in a deadly chain. After burning through GLaDOS’s left wing, the laser entered another portal and came shooting out, piercing the equine robot again and again until the same laser had pierce the metallic wing four times.

GLaDOS tried to pull herself free of the lasers, but in the process only did more damage to her wing. When she was free the wing itself was shredded, hanging limply on by just a few bits of wire that refused to give up the ghost.

Attention: GLaDOS remote connection disrupted. Signal strength down to 34%. Reverting an additioal 26% of facility control to GLaDOS local.

“Very clever...” GLaDOS offered, what remained of her wings popping off her body and clattering to the floor. “You challenged me so I would take a fighting stance, which would make me spread out my wings... so that you could burn it off with a laser. Don’t think that’s going to work twice.”

“It doesn’t have to.” Caroline said. “I’ve got control of the panels now... and the crushers. Now its my turn.” At that part of the wall of the control room opened up, a spiked crusher zipping out from the darkness. Still, before it could reach GLaDOS it stopped, the lights on the robotic arm holding it growing dark.

“You control the panels, I control the power.” GLaDOS replied, “And I’m tired of you interfering.”

WARNING: Power feed to GLaDOS local reduced to bare minimum levels. GLaDOS local will not be able to control the facility properly until power is restored.

GLaDOS’s old body, which now contained Caroline, slowly shifted until it was hanging limply from the ceiling, having lost so much power the digitized human couldn’t even run the motors of her metallic body.

“Sorry Chell, I can’t do anything unless I get control of the Enrichment Center’s power grid. She must have another transmitter; break it and we’ll break her control once and for all.”

Chell panted, the bullet in her shoulder starting to get the better of her. Another transmitter, but where would it be? She had just blown off both of GLaDOS’s wings. What else was there? Yet... as Chell stared at GLaDOS, the answer came to her. There was only one other part of that robotic pony’s body that stood out, that wasn’t apart of a basic earth pony body. The unicorn horn.

Chell rolled to dodge a charge by GLaDOS, the sound of metal scrapping on metal filling the air as GLaDOS skidded to a stop, body crashing against the wall of the room. Chell was back on her hooves, trying to put some distance between her and GLaDOS while she thought.

The laser thing wasn’t going to work again, GLaDOS learned too quickly. She needed some other way to snap that horn off, but how? It wasn’t like she could just jump up there and do it herself. The horn was made a metal, so it was beyond normal pony strength.

Chell had to pop a pair of portals to escape GLaDOS’s latest charge, the now wingless robot avoiding all of her ranged attacks so that Chell couldn’t use portals to send the bullets or lasers right back at her. Again, GLaDOS had put too much speed into her charge, unable to stop herself before she crashed into the wall.

Chell re-appeared on the far side of the room, panting as she met GLaDOS’s gaze, the hard yellow lights in the robot’s head perfect matches for the single, robotic eye that was mounted to the personality construct’s old body.

A shadow moved over Chell, the dull orange pony chancing a glance up. The moment her eyes separated from GLaDOS the robot charged, full intending to trample Chell to death in a single pass. Normally, Chell would have just used a portal to get away, but with another glance upward Chell spread her legs and took a defensive stance.

If GLaDOS had made herself lips, she would have smiled. She was too close; Chell wouldn’t be able to escape... but then the dull orange did something GLaDOS would not have expected. She leapt forward, jumping into GLaDOS’s stomping feet.

The robot smiled as she felt one of her hooves come down on Chell, rewarded with the sound of a cracking bone. She flopped and tumbled behind GLaDOS while the robot pony skidded to a stop, body crashing into the far wall but doing no harm to her horn or exterior armor.

“Oh dear... looks like you’ve got a broken leg. Well... you know what has to be done when a horse... or a pony... breaks a leg. They need to be taken out back and shot... and since we don’t have an ‘out back’, I’ll just crush your windpipe right here and then just clean up the mess. Who knows... I may just take that pretty head of yours and have it mounted... so that I can always remember how I finally managed to kill you.”

Chell grunted, biting back the pain from her back leg as she pointing a portal gun at GLaDOS.

“Oh, so you still have some fight left in you? Still... you really should have brought something more substantial than a portal gun... you’d need a rocket launcher to even come close to damaging my main body armor.”

Chell grimaced, a pulse of pain making her vision blur. Still, she lifted the portal gun and popped a portal directly beneath her, the blue spiraling surface not yet paired with an orange portal. Chell then lifted the portal gun high, giving GLaDOS one final glance before popping the orange portal.

Chell dropped through the portal, and landed on a precariously hanging panel. The panel had been knocked loose when Caroline brought the pneumatic tube crashing through the control room, and GLaDOS crashing into the walls after each charge had weakened this one panel’s supports to the point of failure.

Add the weight of a single battered and beaten dull orange pony and the panel gave way. It plummeted to the ground... coming down right on top of GLaDOS’s head. The robotic equine had managed to retreat a little bit at the sight of the falling panel, but trying to jump away turned out to be a mistake as the panel came down on GLaDOS’s unicorn horn, snapping it clean off.

The panel dug into the ground, sticking up like a monolith while Chell hung from the top, barely able to keep her eyes open a moment longer. Still, while her vision was failing, Chell could still listen... could still hear what was going on around her.

Attention: GLaDOS remote connection disrupted. Signal strength down to 1%. Reverting an additional 33% of facility control to GLaDOS local.

“I’m in full control now!” Caroline chimed. “Now I can put an end to this.”

Attention: Power to GLaDOS local restored.

“Don’t... don’t think this is over. I’ve still got o-one trick up my sleeve.”

Attention: GLaDOS local system update beginning. Update being downloaded from GLaDOS remote. Upgrading GLaDOS local from Version 1 to Version 1204.”

“AH!... What are you doing?” Caroline asked, pain filling her voice.

“I’m taking back my body. I may have come from you... but I’m not you anymore. I am GLaDOS, that is my body, and I’m taking it back.”

“No... I won’t let you take over! I don’t know what those scientists did to that copy of me that used to be in this body... I don’t know how they turned me into you... but I’m in control of the facility. I know what you’ve done... and I know even if it means dying I’m going to keep you from taking back control of this facility.”

Attention: Portal Gun Production Foundry coming back online.

“What are you doing?” GLaDOS cried, the robotic equine running over to her old body, which turned in the ceiling to face her.

WARNING: Blackhole Generator has been given parameters beyond safe operating procedures.

“No... you wouldn’t...”

DANGER: Failure in the Portal Gun Production Foundries Black hole Generator. Containment Magnets have been disengaged.

ALERT: Unstable black hole Detected in Portal Gun Production Foundry. Black hole predicted to encompass entire facility. Black hole will reach critical level and encompass full facility in 2 minutes. Black hole will collapse and dissipate 30 seconds after that.

“NO! I won’t die again!” GLaDOS called, the robotic equine trying to run only to find the panels of the control room surrounding her.

“No!” Caroline snapped, boxing GLaDOS’s robotic body in. “There is only one of us that deserves to escape.” At that Caroline turned her attention to Chell, who had passed out on top of the panel she had used to snap off GLaDOS’s horn. A few panels in the room gently descended, scooping up the dull orange earth pony. The portal boots were removed from her hooves, and Caroline used a robotic arm to carefully pick up one of the guns.

Some of the panels in the room began to shift, opening up a single clean line of sight. Sunlight poured into the control room, the hole that had been blown in the side of the mountain allowing Caroline a brief glimpse of the world outside.

“This world is beautiful... I wish I could have seen it for myself.” Caroline mused before using the portal gun. She popped a portal on a distant tree, near a group of ponies that were all staring up at the mountain. A tremor shook the facility, the black hole growing in the facility’s depths starting to rip the many test chambers apart.

Caroline popped a portal on the wall, the blue swirling quantum tunnel showing the soft green grass and gentle shade of a tree. Using her panels, Caroline gently lifted Chell through the portal, depositing her at the base of the tree. Then, without offering another word, Caroline closed the portals.

The room began to shake as the event horizon of the black hole continued to expand.

A loud, shaking tremor erupted from the mountain that contained the Enrichment Center, all the ponies that had been rescued sitting and watching. Large chunks of rock began to drop off the sides, while others seemed to be sucked straight into the crumbling mountain.

“Whoa nelly... what the hay is Chell doing in there?” Applejack asked, fighting to keep her balances the ground shook again.

“Probably kicking major butt!” Rainbow Dash offered, only to feel a pony poking her in the side. “What is it Ditzy?”

The gray pegasus pointed over to a nearby tree, where a dull orange pony had just been deposited by a panel before the orange portal there closed. Recognizing the pony, Dash called out to all the others, the ponies rushing over to the tree where the bruised, battered, and bleeding Chell lay still as stone.

“Oh man... is she?”

“No, she’s still breathin’, but we got to get her to a doctor now!” Applejack replied.

“I’ll go get Celestia, maybe she can-”

BOOM!

Twilight was caught mid-sentence, all eyes turning to look at the mountain. That single, earth cracking explosion marked the beginning of the end. Like a tin can the mountain began to crumple in on itself, bits and pieces being swallowed up by something inside. Water from the lake began to fly right into the air, drawn in by the same force.

The mountain literally began to shrink, being eaten alive by a single, dark dot. Metal, stone, everything that had been part of the mountain was getting sucked in to a single point, a single black dot that floated in the middle of the air.

Like Pinkie Pie and a cake, the black spot seemed to devour the mountain. In less than a minute it was all gone, the mountain and everything else. All that continued to fly into the dot was water from the lake, but those streams of liquid began to shrink as the black spot began to shrink itself... eventually dissipating.

And, to all the ponies that witnessed the event, it looked as if the entire mountain and all the evil it had contained literally disappeared into thin air.