Better Living Through Science and Ponies

by Pen Stroke

Chapter 3: The Enrichment Center

GLaDOS spun in her ceiling mount, commands going out to every corner of the Enrichment Center. Panels shifted into attention at their mistress’ call, robots toiled and turrets blinked to life. Lights clicked on, hard light bridges started projecting, and the surveillance cameras around the facility began to stream their videos straight to GLaDOS.

“Aperture Science Enrichment Center Equestrian Renovations Complete.” GLaDOS announced to her empty control room. “It took a while, but we are ready... for science.” The AI spun in her ceiling mount again. The encircling wall of monitors had become a permanent feature of the command room, GLaDOS playing video streams from the exterior cameras she found particularly interesting... watching them with her own cybernetic eye.

At the moment all the screens were showing video from the exterior of the Enrichment Center. She had sent a few robots out into the strange world, that GLaDOS now knew as Equestria, to mount a few remote cameras to some nearby trees. It allowed GLaDOS to see the huge slab of rock that contained the Enrichment Center and its new home in the middle of a lake. She saw it from all angles, all sides... which was good, because she didn’t want to miss this.

The internal clock of the AI ticked by, and at 7:59 AM she set things in motion. On the outside of the mountain, bits of rock began to fall away as test chamber panels pushed through. Those panels started to open up, unveiling tunnels into the depths of the facility.

“Aperture Science test subject recruitment protocol initializing. We’ll begin active... forceful... recruitment of new testing subjects in 3... 2... 1...”

The clock clicked over to 8:00AM and small swarms of flying robots zipped out of the opening in the sides of the mountain, dozens of robots flitting out from each hole before the enrichment center panels closed up the passage ways. The flying robots were modified turrets, their singular red eyes darting about as they were carried in the air by a twirling propeller on the top of their bodies. Beneath the turrets, hanging on its own small robotic arm, were portal devices.

“Confirmation... 30 recruitment drones dispatched with multiple target missions... 32 recruitment drones dispatched with single target missions. Confirming recruitment tasks... recruitment tasks confirmed.” GLaDOS said to herself, watching as her little drones flew out into the world.

“Let the testing... begin.”

RIIIIINNNNNNGNGGGGGG! SLAM!

Chell grumbled as she turned over in the bed, drawing the covers up over her eyes. It was 4:00 AM... and while the dull orange pony would have wanted nothing more to just sleep, a second alarm clock began to blare from the far side of the room, one that Chell would have to get up to shut off.

It had been two weeks since her arrival in Equestria, and while it had been all fun and laughter on that first day a bit of reality had set in. There was still a lot of laughter and fun, but Chell also had to worry about getting to work on time. After all, she couldn’t just mooch off other ponies for the rest of her life. She wanted freedom, she wanted a fresh start...and, well, that meant a job.

Not knowing her special talent and getting no clue from the pair of portals she had as a cutie mark, Chell had very limited employment options. Thankfully, the job she had managed to secure didn’t really require any special talents, just a strong work ethic... and getting up at 4:00 AM.

Yawning, Chell stumbled through her morning routine, having been taught by the earth pony Applejack had to take care of the basics. Even when she did brush her mane it still looked a little messy... probably because of how short it was. Still, a semi-cool shower snapped any lingering desires of sleep out of Chell. A little before 4:30 and she was heading downstairs to her workplace, the Ponyville Post Office.

The post office was previously operated by a single pony, a gray pegasus named Ditzy Doo, who also lived in the second level of the post office. It was something that Chell was noticing as a trend, ponies living where they worked. Didn’t these ponies want to get away from work in the evenings? For the farming ponies like Applejack it made sense, but for others it seemed strange.

Then again, Chell was a stranger in a strange land... even though it was a very welcoming place.

Her current employment had come the day after her welcome party. Twilight had dropped the hint that Chell would want to try and find someplace to work, a difficult task when you’re mute.

It was while Chell was walking around trying to find a job she came across Ditzy Doo struggling with a particularly large package, and after watching the pegasus fight with the package for a few minutes Chell went over to help.

The pegasus had the biggest smile on her face after Chell had helped, and through some slightly confusion conversation Chell agreed to help deliver the rest of the mail that day, so she had at least a few bits to her name. The rest just kind of happened, Ditzy Doo eagerly offering Chell a job when the pegasus found out the dull earth pony wasn’t employed.

In years past a single mail pony had been enough to tend to Ponyville, but in the recent decade the town had started to reach that point where a single pegasus couldn’t quite handle it all on her own. Ditzy Doo had been looking for help for a while, her help wanted sign dull and sun bleached when Chell agreed to take the job.

The arrangement was simple. Chell got to stay in a spare bedroom above the post office, sharing the second floor with Ditzy and her daughter, Dinky. Chell got paid only a few bits, but it was all free spending cash since her room and board were included with the arrangement. The only other responsibility she had was to help with chores and errands.

Turning on a light, Chell slipped out the back door of the post office to a large metal hook on the side, from which a large bag of mail was dangling. Using a winch, Chell lowered that bag to the ground and drug it inside. It was all the mail that had come into Ponyville from the central office in Canterlot. That was why Chell had to be up early in the mornings, because the first part of her job was to sort all the mail that had come from the Canterlot central office and get it ready for local delivery.

At 6:00 AM Ditzy Doo came downstairs, the gray pony with blond hair offering Chell a good morning before she went to her kitchen. She returned a few minutes later with a muffin in her mouth, prancing as she went to eat it on a small bench just outside the post office’s front door. That was the regular morning routine, Ditzy Doo having a passion for muffins and liking to look at the stars while she ate, just before they flew from the morning light.

Like clockwork, the yellow eyed pony came back in fifteen minutes later, licking her lips for the last few crumbs of her food. She then worked with Chell to finish the sorting as well as getting the first load of packages loaded into the delivery cart. Chell worked in silence, but despite knowing her employee was mute Ditzy couldn’t help but ramble about this and that, if only to fill the silence of the early morning post office.

And with all that talking, it hadn’t taken Chell long to notice Ditzy Doo was a little different. Not counting her misaligned eyes, the gray pegasus pony had a little trouble speaking. She could make coherent sentences if she took her time, but other times, when Ditzy was just rambling, random words would work their way in. Sometimes Chell honestly couldn’t understand a word Ditzy was saying, but the pegasus’ usual cheerful mood and voice were enough. Besides, it wasn’t like Chell could contribute to the conversation even if she knew what it was about.

At 7:15 Ditzy’s ramblings would end as giggles erupted from the staircase to the second floor. As punctual and predictable as her mother, a purple unicorn foal with blond mane and tail came bouncing down the stairs. “Hi Chell, Morning Mommy.” The unicorn chirped. Chell could only wish she had that kind of energy in the morning.

“Morning Muffin.” Ditzy called, giving the young unicorn a bright smile. “Contrast on the Cable”.

“Thanks Mom!” The unicorn called back, zipping into the kitchen. Chell just smiled. If any pony in Ponyville understood Ditzy, it was her daughter Dinky... even when the words made no sense. Still, Chell was starting to get the hang of it herself... it was about context and how quickly Ditzy was trying to speak.

For example, the past sentence had been relaxed and fairly slow. This meant the basic structure was there just some words were replaced. Add that to the current context, and Chell knew “Contrast” was “Breakfast”, and “Cable” was supposed to be “Table”. It was only when Ditzy was trying to talk really fast, was stressed out, or nervous that her vocal handicap was at its worst.

Bringing in a muffin of her own, Dinky sat and talked about school and her friends while Ditzy and Chell finished the last of the sorting. Ditzy would ask questions or make comments from time to time, and Chell just enjoyed being a spectator.

When the mail was finally sorted, Ditzy would load up her mail bag and head out with Dinky. The first mail route of the day went by Dinky’s school, and Ditzy made it a point to always walk her daughter to school.... something made much easier with her employment. Chell would always watch out the post office window as the pair trotted off. It was something that always made Chell smile... a spoonful of happiness to start the day.

A spoonful of happiness before a long, drawn out day of tending the post office. One pegasus was enough to get the mail all delivered, but it was something that took Ditzy most of the day sometimes. That meant the post office itself didn’t open some days because Ditzy was too busy.

That was where Chell came in. She’d stay and work the post office while Ditzy was out delivering, doing all the office work that needed to be done. She’d help ponies buy stamps, send letters, and handle packages. A job behind a desk... worse things you could do for a living.

Chell raised her head from the package she was trying to drag across the floor to the weighing station. The front door bell had rung, Twilight Sparkle coming into the post office. Leaving the extra heavy package on the floor for the moment, Chell trotted back over the counter and offerred Twilight a warm smile.

“Morning Chell,” Twilight returned, taking the dull orange pony’s grin as a welcome. “I trust you’re doing all right.”

Chell nodded her head.

“That’s good. I’m here to pick up a package. Ditzy left the slip in my mailbox yesterday and I wasn’t able to come by and get it” Twilight said, getting straight to business as she put a delivery slip on the counter. Chell took it, reading the numbers on it before trotting off to the appropriate package box. From there she removed a brown wrapped package, holding it by the strings as she carried it over to the counter.

“Oh, wonderful!” Twilight muttered as she saw she shape and size of the package. “It’s my copy of ‘Equestria in Retrospect’. I’ve been waiting for this for a while.” The unicorn’s horn started glowing, lifting the package and slipping it into her saddle bag. She then signed a delivery notice Chell presented, her magic allowing her to put down a very lovely signature on the “I’ve received this package” line.

“Okay, thanks Chell. See you around.”

The dull orange pony waved a hoof, happy to have seen Twilight that morning. Still, before the purple unicorn could reach the door it flew open, a blur of purple and tears running across the floor.

“CHELL!”

It was Dinky Doo, and the young foal looked terrified. Chell quickly came out from around the counter, the young purple unicorn grabbing onto her leg as she balled. “They took mommy!”

“Whoa, what’s going on?” Twilight asked, echoing the very words bouncing around in Chell’s head.

“Mommy was walking me to school, and we were almost there. Then this white monster flew down from the sky. It was all white and shiny, shaped like a piece of rice, and with a big red eye in the middle. It pointed something at mommy, and then there was a flash of orange light. Mommy fell through the ground, and DISAPPPEARED!”

At that Dinky began to cry her eyes out. Chell dropped down to her knees, trying to calm the young foal. She looked up at Twilight, the mature purple unicorn obviously worried... yet from the corner of her eye Chell saw something fly up to the window. Turning to look, the dull orange pony’s heart skipped a beat and a cold sweat began to run down her neck.

It was the monster Dinky had saw. White and shiny, shaped like a piece of rice, and with a single big red eye. To Chell, it had a name. Her vision was lock with the single red eye of an Aperture Science Enrichment Center Turret, though it had been modified to have a propeller on top and a portal gun swinging from an arm on the bottom.

“Target Acquired, purple unicorn 4 of 10.” The flying turret said, bursting through the window. The portal gun it carried fired, the ball of energy hitting the ground beneath Twilight. The mature purple unicorn dropped through the floor like a rock, the portal closing up a few moments after she had been through.

“NO! DON’T LET IT GET ME!” Dinky cried, trembling as she hid behind Chell. The orange pony glared coldly at the turret, getting down in a defensive stance. The turrets eye seemed to look past Chell, focusing on Dinky Doo.

“Target Acquired, purple unicorn 5 of 10.”

The portal gun fired, but unlike before it would take no pony. Chell used a hoof to push Dinky Doo away from where the portal would form just as the swirling blue quantum tunnel opened. It when then Chell’s turn to act. Leaping forward, she tackled the flying turret. Its propellers hit the floor, becoming embedded into the wood. The sudden strain on the internal motor caused a plume of smoke to erupted from the turret, its red eye blinking a moment before going dark.

“Transferring acquisition targets to another drone. Shutting down. Good night!”

Chell groaned as she got up, looking at her right shoulder where one of the turret’s propeller blades had nicked her, leaving a deep scratch. Thankfully the turret was deactivated, making it safe for her to step off of it. She felt Dinky Doo grabbing onto her back leg, the young purple pony poking her head out from behind Chell.

“What is it?” She asked. “What did it do to mommy... and to Miss Sparkle? Where are they?”

Even if she could have answered, Chell would not have. The reality of the situation would have been too much for the foal... especially after watching her mother drop through a portal and disappear. Still, the pony couldn’t help but grit her teeth, an image of GLaDOS popping into her mind.

Whether she knew it or not, that computer had just crossed a line.

Chell’s attention turned to the flying turret, noticing the portal gun didn’t look like she remember it. A few forceful stomps later and Chell had broken the robotic arm connecting the gun to the turret. Shaking off one of the long fall boots, Chell worked the portal gun around until she was able to slide her hoof inside.

The gun had been modified, redesigned to work with a hoof instead of a hand. Chell could feel the buttons inside that would be used to make the paired portals appear. If the guns were modified to work with hooves, then Chell’s worst fears were realized. The reason Ditzy Doo and Twilight had been taken was that GLaDOS needed test subjects.

Lowering the hoof down, Chell was happy to see the portal gun had been redesigned to double as a long fall boot, the two technologies elegantly woven together. With a familiar tool on her right hoof, Chell looked back at Dinky, motioning for the small pony to jump on her back. The purple foal didn’t argue, hopping up and clinging to Chell’s neck. The dull orange pony then reared, charging out the post office door.

“Get down under my desk children!” Cheerilee shouted, gathering all the young foals. Inside the classroom three Aperture Science flying turrets were zooming around, trying to get around the desk to the young foals but Cheerilee kept jumping in their way.

“I don’t know what you are, but you leave these children alone!” Cheerilee said, twisting on her hooves and bucking at one of the turrets. It flew clear before the hooves could connect, Cheerlie flopping on the floor and getting the wind knocked out of her lungs. When she recovered she saw the turrets had chased the children out from behind her desk.

“Target Acquired... Orange Pegasus 3 of 10.”

“Target Acquired... Yellow Pony 7 of 10.”

“Target Acquired... White Unicorn 4 of 10.”

The three turrets said this in near unison, the last few words getting garbled as they closed in on their three targets, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo. The three were shivering in the corner, holding each other as they feared they were about to be eaten.

At the moment a blue sphere of energy rocketed into the room, an oval of blue color forming in the ceiling of the school. It then swirled, the blue glowing surface being replaced with blue sky as a dull orange pony fell out of the portal and crashed on top of the three turrets. Each sputtered a moment before offering a “good night” and shutting down.

“Whoa... that was cool!” Dinky said, having just ridden on Chell’s back through the pair of quantum tunnels.

“Dinky Doo... oh dear, I was so worried when you didn’t show up this morning with your mother and then these things showed up. Where is Ditzy?”

“She... she was taken by those things.” Dinky replied, her moment of happiness from the portal ride crushed as she was reminded her mom was missing. Chell lowered down, making it easier for the purple unicorn to get off her back. The dull orange pony then trotted across the room, grabbing a bit of chalk in her teeth and starting to write on the chalkboard.

“Keep all the children inside. Block the windows until the tur” Chell paused, using her nose to erase the last word. “the monsters are gone. When you can’t see any more wait an hour and then have everypony try to find their parents. If they can’t find their parents have them stay with a friend or stay here.”

Chell dropped down a little bit, this time writing in larger letters. “DO NOT go outside by yourself!”

“Not to question you, Dear, but do you know what’s going on?” Cheerilee asked. Chell just nodded, spitting out the chalk as she walked over to the flying turrets she had just destroyed. She started at them a moment. She then reared back, stomping on each turret to break free the portal guns. With a little work she had replaced each of her old long fall boots with the new, portal gun/long fall boot combo. Chell didn’t know if she would actually make use of so many portal guns at once, but at least she had spares.

That and these portal guns didn’t work like the one she used in the test chambers. They were able to pop portals on surfaces that weren’t perfectly flat or some shade of white. It was like the duel portal gun GLaDOS gave to testers had some restrictions built into it, while these offered a much wider spectrum of uses.

Tapping her back right hoof to make sure that portal gun boot was secure, Chell started walking towards the door. She then felt something grab her leg, and looking back she saw Dinky Doo.

“You said not go outside on your own; you’re breaking your own rule.”

Chell smiled, turning around and getting down on one knee. She grabbed a piece of paper and pencil that had been knocked on the floor in the commotion, scratching out a quick note.

“It will be all right. I’m going to go find your mom. I’ll be back soon.”

Chell didn’t linger long enough for Dinky to read through the note, breaking into a sprint as she rushed out the door. She lifted her front right hoof, taking careful aim as she ran. There was only one place Ditzy Doo, Twilight Sparkle, and any of the other stolen ponies could be. Chell pulled the trigger, her front right portal gun launching an orange portal into the distance. The portal took shape on the side of the huge, slab of rock that had fallen into Sky Mirror Lake, the rock that contained Aperture Science within.

Chell then popped a portal on the ground in front of her, dropping through and crossing the several hours of walking distance in the blink of an eye. Using her left front portal gun, she popped a portal higher up on the side of the mountain and then one on the ground, the pony zipping through and getting closer to reaching the very top of the mountain.

A ten portal chain later, Chell landed with a thud on the top of the mountain, surrounded once again by the tall, waving golden grass. It was sight Chell didn’t linger to appreciate, the dull orange pony galloping towards the run down metal shack that was the hidden exit to Aperture Science. While she couldn’t buck her way through the front door, a few well timed portals allowed her to fling a substantial sized boulder at the building, which put a hole in the door.

Through the crack Chell was able to see inside, and, more importantly, pop a portal inside. With a second portal below her Chell fell back into the shack, and with the elevator was gone she was able to make her way down the elevator’s shaft.

She hoped to never see the inside of the Enrichment Center ever again... and here she was charging into the death trap at a full sprint. Still... at that moment, Chell thought of all the ponies that GLaDOS had undoubtedly collected.

She would not let GLaDOS do the same thing to them that she had to endure. GLaDOS was a sin of humanity that had come to life... she would not let that personality construct poison the beautiful world she had come to know as Equestria.

Today, she was going to murder GLaDOS... and this time she was going to make sure GLaDOS stayed dead.