//------------------------------// // Perhaps it is not the cake that is a lie, but reality? // Story: Rainbow Dash Fixes Herself // by Between Lines //------------------------------// Twilight Sparkle was lying on the floor, frothing. Pinkie Pie was busy learning the difference between hallucinogenics and baking ingredients. Octavia was wondering whether or not she could be held responsible for possession when technically it had been Vinyl’s stash. Everypony else was just panicking, as per usual. And Rainbow Dash was enjoying a slice of cake. “Hey girls! Sorry I’m late!” She glanced at Twilight frothing on the floor, and sighed. “Ah mare, who told her I got her the actual Tome of Tetzlectial from Daring Doo and.. well, yeah, the Tome of Tetzlectial?” When nopony responded, she glanced up to find them all staring at her in shock. “Yeah, I know, pretty awesome, right?” “Rainbow Dash,” Octavia began, again wondering why she’d ever thought a Ponyville party would end anything but badly. “Please for the love of all that is, tell me you just decided to clean up Twilight’s plate?” “Pffft! As if. She’d probably make me learn the sorting system for her trash. What’s the big… deal…?” She stared at the room that was staring at her. The room that had stopped moving. “Oooookay, come on. Maybe she doesn’t sort her trash, but I mean, it’s not that far off base?” She wilted a bit as the room continued to stare at her, stock still. “Seriously, what is up with you…” She then noticed that not only were the ponies frozen, but so was some of Twilight’s spittle. The spittle that was currently hanging in mid air. “Okay, yeah, Pinkie put wayyyyy too much sugar in this thing.” Rainbow briefly considered her plate, before tossing it into the garbage. Only for it to freeze a foot after it left her hoof. Rainbow could only stare, a grin starting to split her face. “This… is.... AWESOME.” “You think that’s awesome?” Rainbow turned around, only to find the back half of the library was now gone. In its place was a long stretch of unblemished pavement beneath a cool blue sky. Atop the pavement was a 1959 ford thunderbird in the same columbia blue as herself, with herself in the driver’s seat. “Hop in!” Now, most ponies probably would have stopped to consider the peculiarities of the situation, including riding in a nonexistent car being driven by yourself. But most ponies had a crippling disassociation between themselves and the concept of awesome. Rainbow Dash had no such handicap. “Sweeeet!” She hopped right over her own head, and dropped into the passenger seat. This close, the engine let out a satisfying rumble that honestly made her wonder why ponies hadn’t invented something like this. “I always wanted to drive one of these!” “You did?” Rainbow asked herself with a smirk, even as she slammed the car into first and let that engine roar to life. “Well yeah! 1959’s a classic!” She leaned back and let her main flutter in the wind. “Little slow, of course, but that rumble just…” she lost herself in the moment, sighing in contentment. “Tru’ dat.” Rainbow cranked it up to third, then to fourth, the wind really starting to tear past. As they did, a distant wail cut through the air. Behind them, flashes of red and blue sparked along the horizon, a mighty stormfront trailing behind them. “Aw crap. Pop quiz, what’s white and blue and a pain in the flank?” “Uh?” Rainbow puzzled over that for a minute, until the answer presented itself in the form of two police cruisers pulling up on either side of them. From one emerged the voice of princess Celestia. “Stop, Criminal Scum! You’re in clear violation of posted speed limits! Pull over--” Her speech was interrupted as the right hand door of her car was kicked clean off and over the horizon. “She’s resisting arrest!” Screamed Princess Luna, proceeding to dual wield her .454 casulls, before pulling out another two in her magic just for good measure. “Hope you’re feeling lucky, punk!” “Don’t need luck!” Rainbow shot back, not literally of course as she didn’t have a gun of her own. What she did do was slam on the brakes and let Luna’s first shot rip straight into the other squad car. “Oh hell no!” Came the voice of Lieutenant Cadance as her car’s rear tire largely exploded off the rims. “You’re a loose cannon, Luna!” “I get results!” Luna leaned right out of the open door, and leveled her revolvers back at both Rainbows, only to suddenly notice one very important fact. That thunderbird had started accelerating again. “Yoink!” Rainbow’s hoof darted out and snatched one of the revolvers straight from Luna’s grip, quickly tossing it to her passenger counterpart. “You know how to shoot this thing?” “I don’t know!” She fumbled with it for a moment, before suddenly whipping it around and snapping off two shots in quick succession. Both flew through the front suspension of Luna’s squadcar, slamming the nose into the street and flipping the whole thing end over end. As it landed, Rainbow glanced back at the gun. “Yes! Definitely yes!” “Well you better get cracking!” As she spoke, Rainbow pointed back at the crushed squad car. With the crack of breaking glass, the front windshield found itself kicked out by a pristine white hoof, followed by the sound of tearing steel as something ripped free. “No way.” Rainbow could only look on as Celestia emerged from the wreck, or at least, most of her. Where the crash had stripped away her fur, there was only gleaming metal and sparking wires. “I always knew she was a robot! But would Twilight listen? Nooooooo.” “I know, right?” Declared Shining Armor from the Cadance-mobile. “I’ve been saying it for years.” “Aren’t you going to try and arrest us or something?” Rainbow asked. “What, you mean, do things?” There was a beat of silence. “Pfffft no!” There was a bout of laughter, followed by sounds that Rainbow desperately hoped were just two ponies making out. “I’m not taking that chance.” Rainbow leveled her revolver at the gas tank, and fired, causing the whole car to erupt into a plume of flame. “I liked them.” Growled Robo-lestia from where she’d clambered onto the trunk, her hoof slapping away the gun into the sunset. “Unlike you.” “Ghhhkkk,” Rainbow managed through the sudden stranglehold around her throat. “Feeling’s--hhhkk--mutual!” “Use the force Rainbow!” shouted the other Rainbow. “Use the--ggghhhskk--trunk!” gurgled the other other Rainbow. “Oh, good call.” With that, the first other Rainbow popped the trunk, launching Celestia into the air. This would have been a good thing had she not still had Rainbow in a death grip. ”Oops.” “Why am I so--hhhgk--stupid!” Rainbow facehoofed, before remembering that there were better faces to apply her hoof to. Like Celestia’s. “Let… go… you… fat… nag!” “You…” Celestia released her suddenly, tears brimming in her glowing red eyes. “You think I’m fat?” “Uhhh, which answer makes you die?” Rainbow asked. “Yes,” Celestia answered. “Then yeah. Totally fat.” Rainbow then promptly covered her ears as Celestia let out a sky-splitting wail and exploded. Unfortunately, said explosion launched Rainbow straight through said split in the sky. She suddenly found herself in an empty void, completely blank of any color or texture. For a moment, Rainbow just hung there. She sighed. “Do I really have to say it?” More silence. “Fine. Today couldn’t get any weirder.” “You’re right, it couldn’t.” Rainbow turned around, again finding herself, this time settled quietly on a mat with a small tea set beside her. “Have a seat?” “Uh, sure.” She settled down beside herself, and sipped at her cup. Black tea, not bad. “So, uh, what’s the deal with all this?” “Finally noticing how strange this all was?” The other her smirked, hiding the expression behind her own teacup. “Notice anything else?” “Yeah, actually, come to think of it…” She started to notice other things. Canterlot. Manehatten. Appleoosa. Baltimare. Doorknobs. Her teacup fell from her grasp, splashing across the ground. She started down at her hooves, and at its handle. Its handle. For her hooves. “So you see.” Her counterpart said. “What is… what does… what?” She looked up, then down again, then up. “How? Why?” “Who knows?” The other laughed softly. “I think there’s a more important question for you to answer.” “What do I do now?” Rainbow could only stare at her hooves. She couldn’t even bring herself to reach down and try that handle again. She looked up, but she was gone, a simple door standing in her place. A door she remembered all too well. With a push of her hoof, she stepped into Sugarcube Corner. There was everypony again, Twilight on the floor, Octavia glaring at her, Pinkie tilted nearly sideways with confusion. Except, they weren’t there. They were all Rainbow. Earth pony, unicorn, alicorn, it didn’t matter. They were all Rainbow Dash. She backed up, back out the door, only to step into the main square of the crystal empire. There was Princess Rainbow Dash, being thrown to intercept the crystal heart by her husband Rainbow Dash, even as King Rainbow Dash raced up to catch it, Rainbow Dash falling helplessly to the earth as he did. She turned around, and she as at the Rainbow Dash invasion. There was Rainbow Dash and her friends, Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash, Rainbow Dash, and Rainbow Dash fighting against all the Rainbow Dashes to try and get to the elements of Rainbow Dash. She turned around, and there she was in the center of Rainbow Dashville, as Rainbow Dash turned it to the Rainbow Dash capital of Rainbow Dashestria. She turned around, and there was Rainbow Dash laughing from on high at her victory over Rainbow Dash, and promising that the Rainbow Dash would last forever. She turned around, and there was Rainbow Dash diving off the Rainbow Dash as Rainbow Dash fell helplessly towards the Rainbow Dash, even as Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Dash looked on laughing. “I get it,” Rainbow Dash said. “It’s never been about anyone else, has it?” She looked at her hooves, then out over the suddenly empty world. “Plato, Descartes. It’s always been… me, hasn’t it?” “Just you.” Rainbow Dash said. Gone was the tea set, the mat. There was just her. “Okay.” And she beheld creation. For she was creation. For in the beginning there was the word, and the word was Rainbow Dash. And there was light. And stars. And a green world around a yellow sun. And a pony called Rainbow Dash. Who had just eaten a slice of cake. And it all made sense. Slowly, Rainbow Dash opened her eyes. The steady beep of the EKG measured out a rhythm beside her, mirrored by another in the same room. She rolled over slightly, spotting Twilight sitting up with a book. At the sound of her movement, Twilight turned to her. “Hey. Quite a party, huh?” Rainbow grunted, and Twilight smiled. “We really need to give Pinkie a food safety course.” “So that’s why you were flopping around like that.” Rainbow leaned back into her bed. “Did anyone tell you what I got you?” “Yep.” Twilight chuckled and held up her book, the very Tome Rainbow had gotten her. “You really outdid yourself.” “Thanks.” Rainbow paused for a moment. “Hey, Twi, what did you see, when you ate the cake?” “Oh, uh.” Twilight coughed, suddenly blushing. “It’s kinda hard to explain. I think you would have enjoyed it.” “Oh, huh.” Rainbow Dash nodded. “You’ll have to tell me sometime.” “Sure thing, if I can ever get it straight in my head.” She rubbed her chin. “What did you see?” “Me?” Rainbow dash smiled, her expression surprisingly enigmatic. “Twilight, you ever wonder why all light is made of rainbows?”