A/N: Well, it's time to pit what I know vs. what I sort of know. See if you can tell the difference. Scratch that, we all know what I only sort of know. *cough* I didn't read the comics. *cough*
Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Marvel.
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The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (11)
---Death Battle---
So, this is the narrator's chair. Huh. I think I might like this job.
Various power houses be they physical or authoritative take the screen.
B declares, "It's time to answer the age-old question: can any man defeat God?"
W opens, "Bruce Banner the Hulk will face the formidable but compassionate Princess Celestia."
"He's W and I'm B."
"And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle."
---Death Battle---
A picture of a man in a lab coat appears briefly on screen before being replaced by a green-skinned muscular figure.
"After an accident with an explosion of gamma radiation, Dr. Bruce Banner became the unwilling superhuman known as the Incredible Hulk," introduces W.
"Holy crap!" exclaims B, "I didn't know gamma rays worked like steroids." Various screens filled with facts and figures appear on the right side of the screen as W continues talking.
"The Hulk's transformation is literally triggered by emotion. When his rage or fear has broken stretchable limits, he gains size, strength, and his green hue. The mutation boosts not only his strength but also his speed, stamina, durability, and leaping ability."
"He's a freaking beast!"
"He also has immunity to diseases, viruses, and mind control. His fast regenerative healing factor helps him withstand several missile blasts and gun power."
"If only the U.S. armed forces would stop wasting funds trying to kill this guy."
"Out of the guise of the Hulk, Dr. Banner has developed expertise in biology, chemistry, physiology, engineering, and a Ph.D. in nuclear physics. His self-labeled "Bannertech" rivals the technological developments from Tony Stark and Doctor Doom."
"Brains and brawn, hell yeah!"
The screen shows the Hulk shouting, "Now Hulk will smash other Illuminati," as he lifts a strip of earth and flings it off screen.
---Death Battle---
A beautiful, majestic, all-powerful, all-knowing, regal, glorious, fantastic, royal, stupendous, magnificent, benevolent,...
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A/N: Psst. You're laying on the adjectives just a tad thick.
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Oh, gosh sorry. I meant to say a tall, off-white alicorn pony wearing a golden tiara takes the screen. Well, she doesn't literally take it but... oh, you know what I mean.
"Princess Celestia acts as the primary monarch of Equestria," introduces W, "She holds the power to raise and lower the sun each day. Should her sister Luna become indisposed, she can also move the moon in a similar fashion."
"She's not hot pink like her doll counterpart," points out B, "...not that... I would know." Stats appear as W continues the discussion.
"As an alicorn pony, she has enhanced strength, flight, and magic capabilities. Her versatility in magic includes teleportation, levitation, celestial body movement, vocal enhancement, enchantment reversal, and beams of magic."
"It seems everybody in Equestria and other regions thinks that Celestia is a fearful, cruel, and unforgiving tyrant. But she's proven that false time and time again."
"She's acquitted cases as severe as theft, child stalking, and disturbing the peace on many occasions. She enjoys a good prank every once in a while and tries to let her subjects act casually despite her being royalty."
"Maybe they're still worried about that whole 'you banished your own sister to the moon' thing."
"True, Celestia did banish her dark and possessed sister into the moon for a thousand years, but that was only possible through the use of the Elements of Harmony. She no longer has a connection to the physical Elements and cannot use their power directly."
"Which is why she called in six crazy ponies to do her work for her."
"While Celestia is considered a goddess by many, she is not invincible. Should an outsider gather enough magical energy, she can easily be overcome by the resulting duel."
"A spawn of hell overcomes god? Now where have I heard that before?" A flashback to the comic of Spawn beating up a nanny god fills the screen before B says, "Nope, I can't remember."
"She also acts as a personal mentor for Twilight Sparkle."
"Mentor of what? How to be a trolling molester?"
"B! That's not true!"
"I'm clever!"
A scene depicting Celestia in a motherly kind of frame shows her saying, "You are a wonderful student. I don't have to get a letter every week to know that."
---Death Battle---
W concludes, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all."
B interrupts, "Hold up, W. I got to go buy me some gamma-radiated steroids."
"You've got to be kidding me."
"Screw Attack!"
---Death Battle---
A screen shot of screwattack.com appears on screen.
"At Screw Attack's website, you can find all of the previous episodes of Death Battle plus lots of other great video game content."
"And you can get extra goodies for signing up for the low-cost advantage program. In Death Battle's case, gag reels and early access to new episodes will be available."
"What are you waiting for? An invitation? Oh, that's right. It's time for a Death Battle!"
---Death Battle---
A rather cartoonish, green hill zone marks the premise of this episode's battle. A massive green giant slams the ground from above causing small fault lines to be seen. The Hulk growls in anger and rage. From the right side of the screen, we see the alicorn combatant slowly flying in. She makes a more graceful landing and has a sad smile on her face.
"FIGHT!"
"Forgive me," whispers Celestia as she fires a yellow beam of magical light against her opponent. While it does connect, it doesn't seem to be doing any damage. In fact, the only result is a slightly more angry man. This leads to another growl of anger.
"RAAAARGH!" yells the Hulk. He lifts a patch of earth and smashes it down to cause a sort of rock wave. Before the wave comes anywhere near her, Celestia manages to fly out of the way with a few flaps from her wings. The princess then proceeds to use her magic to levitate some of the unearthed boulders. These rocks are sent flying toward the enemy.
A few of his powerful punches quickly transform the boulders into dust and rubble. Celestia alters her magical grab and aims it towards the sun. Fires start raining from the sky as miniature solar flares. They start rocketing towards the Hulk. Although they appear to force him back a few feet, he doesn't seem to be any worse for wear, aside from an increasing temper.
The Hulk decides to jump to the Princess's height for some closer combat. However, somewhere along the way, Celestia manages to grab him in a telekinetic hold, stopping him from rising any higher. She looks like she is straining and beads of sweat are dripping from her head. She can't do much with her levitating hold and ends up just letting the Hulk fall to the ground from gravity. The impact from the fall does not have any visible effect on him.
Celestia is looking more fatigued than ever and her position in the air starts to descend. Hulk tries another jump at her. This time he catches the alicorn off guard in his grip. As they both fall to the ground, he positions her in a way that she gets slammed into the grass.
"Pony try to hurt Hulk! Hulk smash pony!" yells the green giant. He then lets loose a few punches on the Princess lying on the ground. A few X-ray shots reveal that some bones that should not be breaking are getting broken. From the third punch onwards, she's coughing up blood.
It's now or never. Just as Hulk raises both of his fists for a finishing blow, Celestia disappears in a glow of golden light. She had no chance of victory left.
Despite his apparent victory, the Hulk decides to lift another patch of earth in rage. This rock wave flips the camera man flat on his back. We're left with a screen shot of the open, blue sky.
"K.O.!"
---Death Battle---
"Where is your god?!" shouts B in a mocking, rhetorical fashion. A stat screen regarding the events of the battle appears while W takes the floor, I mean starts speaking.
"The magic that Celestia is capable of is quite awe-inspiring. But her lack of violent tendencies gave her a disadvantage against an enemy that wanted nothing but destruction. Remember, she's not invincible and although her attacks may have actually caused some damage to the Hulk, his fast-regenerating factor made nearly all of that damage moot."
"This battle lasted almost 2 minutes. Darn. Now I owe somebody $5 on a bet."
"The winner is the Hulk." A picture of the large green mutant appears on screen with his name underneath.
---Death Battle---
Credits play with the usual closing theme for Death Battle episodes.
"Thanks for watching."
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A/N: Honestly, I was trying to think of a way that Celestia could win but... I couldn't really think of anything at her disposal that wouldn't also destroy herself. (Be it a sun impact or a moon impact with Earth and that wasn't going to happen.)
Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Feel free to leave ideas even though I might not do all of them.
Later days.