//------------------------------// // I Looooove the Conga!! Wooooooo! // Story: Of mercenaries and.... Ponies? // by Lion Tale //------------------------------// The weather on the forecast said ‘rainy’, but depression came over Rainbow Dash as used up most of her energy earlier to weep for the one she had loved. A cloud nudged her, as though it was alive wanted her to release the raindrops so it can cry with her. Dash grabbed the nimbus cloud and pushed to where it was above the Ponyville necropolis. She felt a tear roll down her check at she stopped, and decided not to remove it. A high-squeaky yell caught her attention, and looked down to see Pinkie Pie waving at her, with a forced smile and apologetic look. Dash glided down, and hugged the usually happy pony. “Why did he have to die?’ Dash whimpered, letting go of her pride and the tears. “It’s okay,” Pinkie rubbed her back. “If he survived, there’s still a chance.” “But what if he got stuck on the moon? What if he was robbed, and left for himself in Manehatten? What if he got into a fight in Minos? Or even worse; he was raped by Queen Chrysalis? Just please! Tell me what happened to him, you usually know everything!” Dash cried, hugging the party pony tighter. “I don’t this time,” Pinkie said gloomily. “But I’ll Pinkie Promise you this; if we do find him—or at least his body,” Dash gave her a deadly glare. “We’ll give you at least ten minutes with him. Cross my heart, and hope to fly. Stick a cupcake in eye.” “Thank you,” Dash said. “No problemo!” The earth pony grinned, flashing her unusually white and shiny teeth. “Now let’s go to Sugarcube Corner and get us a cupcake huh? You’ll feel better and at least finish your job.” “Alright,” the prismatic pony hovered into the air next to Pinkie. “Say, have you’ve heard this new Oculi thingamabob?” She sniffled. “Yea,” Pinkie squee’d. “It’s one of the best things that a party person would have! You know what a video arcade game is right?” Dash nodded. “Well, imagine this as an arcade game booth, but you get to play it at home!” The pegasus’ mouth opened in an ‘o’ shape as Pinkie explained it. “Can I play Hoof Fighter two?” “Yea!” She grinned. “You can also play Tran and Insane Taxi!” “Where can I get one?” “I’m selling them,” Pinkie giggled. “I decided adding a video game arcade-ish area in the Sugarcube Corner would help ramp up the amount of money we get.” She explained like a professional business-pony. “It also helps pass the time when we don’t have anybody over.” The duo had taken a left where Rarity’s Boutique was located that led to the famed bakery. Dash stopped, and sighed. “What’s the matter?” Pinkie asked. “It’s just that, the first non-pony I’ve ever loved is gone,” She replied. “What about Gilda? She was a pretty close friend to you.” “The griffon?” Dash raised an eyebrow. “She was a cover-up for another pony I was into. Besides, she was like a sister if anything.” Pinkie opened the door, and held it open. “We’re here! Let’s make some cupcakes and cake!” The dinging sound of a new high score sounded once Dash entered. “Sounds like someone’s being dominated,” Dash chuckled. “I wonder who it is.” She peered to the booth and saw a whitely dressed human sitting and a changeling. “It looks like it’s just Jacques and maybe Roxy.” “Maybe,” Pinkie shrugged and walked to the back where the kitchen was located. “Come on Dash! Let’s bake some of the best things we’ll ever taste!” Dash sighed, and walked to the back, leaving the couple at the booth playing Pony Combative Instinct. “How does it feel to lose four times human?” Roxy snickered. “If I were you, I’d give up now and pay for the bakery items.” “Never!” Richard taunted then pressed a combination of buttons. “Hadouken!” he yelled. Roxy flinched as her character was knocked to the ground and lay stiff, “How’d you do that?” She yelled at the screen and pressed more buttons; forcing her fighter to get up and get into an attacking stance. “Feel the wrath of my moves!” Richard pressed down then ‘B’ to send a knockdown move, “C-c-c-c-combo Breaker!” The game announced. He then jumped into the air and kicked Roxy’s character back down as it stood up. “Game over,” it announced. “Ha!” Richard jabbed his finger to the screen. “I told you that you were going to lose!” The changeling crossed her arms and pouted, “You’re such a cheat.” She pulled out her sack of bits. “Next time, we’re doing Tran.” “I’ll beat you in that too!” Richard said. Roxy and Richard walked away from the rage-inducing arcade game and headed towards the counter. The changeling then placed the needed bits on the counter—where Mrs. Cake counted and placed it into the register—and grabbed the package of cupcakes. Mrs. Cake looked at Roxy’s competitor and gasped. “Richard? ... How did you live?” “I used nothing, I just appeared at Skittles’ place and came here since I was hungry for a sweet,” He looked around, and seeing no one else, he went closer to her ear. “Don’t tell anyone! If you do, then not only I can make a dramatic entrance, but things will go good until you do.” The baker moved her hoof across her mouth as though there was a zipper there. “You have my word,” She blinked. “I still can’t believe it, how did no one earlier realize it was the real you?” “I don’t know, maybe because I have this freakin’ awesome changeling powers!” The scout then changed into a changeling, but with his clothing still on and irises instead. “This is my disguise until I make my reveal.” Pinkie poked her head out of the swinging door and looked out to see who the customer was and found the two changelings. “Ooo! Is that your friend Roxy?” She giggled. “Not a special friend, just a brother of mine out of a twenty,” She said, nudging the scout’s arm. “Isn’t that right Dick Fosbury?” “Uhh, yea!” He exclaimed, flinching at the use of his last two names. “I’m just visiting, looking for a place to live since the Queen has abandoned hive number… err.” “You don’t even remember the name of our hive?” Roxy glared playfully. “The name of the hive was Olympics.” “Oops,” The ‘changeling’ shuffled his hooves. “It’s just that I’ve left the hive so long ago since that I’ve forgotten, sorry Roxy.” “Well, it was nice seeing you err, Fosbury,” Pinkie waved, not wanting to say the word ‘dick’ for the fear of the beep. “If you want, I’ll give you a party of welcoming later today!” she gleamed. “That would be great!” Richard replied, smiling in a mischievous way only visible to Mrs. Cake and Roxy. “I’ll be sure to get there; I hope something big is going to happen.” “I hope so too,” Dash’s head appeared next to Pinkie, her face covered in dough and red frosting. “Hey Pinkie, let’s make some cake just for this coming party!” She grinned, placing a tall chef’s hat on. “My hat is taller than yours.” Pinkie placed another hat on that barely touched the ceiling. “You were saying?” She went back into the area known as the kitchen. “Oh it’s on!” the pegasus giggled, more happy than earlier. She closed the door. “Competition; whoever has the better cake, judged by Roxy’s new friend,will get twenty bits!” Dash yelled from the kitchen. “Set-go!” Instant clattering was heard, making the changelings’ eyes open in surprise. “Does this happen a lot?” “Unfortunately, yes,” Mrs. Cake sighed and rolled her eyes. “Luckily, we’ve stocked up on so many ingredients for cake, that my husband gave half of what we got straight to Pinkie’s usage.” “That’s right,” Mr. Cake walked down the stairs behind them, with two foals barely out of their babyhood on his back. “Although Jennifer uses the basement more often than Pinkie, it contains the entire bakery ingredients needed.” “Well,” Roxy patted Richard’s shoulder. “We ought to get going, is Jennifer downstairs?” “No, she went to Jacques to talk to him about something,” one of the babies cooed. “And it looks like it’s Mrs. Cake’s turn to take over my job.” “Okay dear,” the baker smiled, “See you two at about six tonight.” “Bye!” Roxy waved after Richard exited the door, closing it, “Looks like we’re heading to Rarity’s now.” (...) A loud bang erupted from within the boutique, spooking the two into not really wanting to enter the carousel-like building. Another loud bang made Richard decide to find out what was going on. He knocked. “Hello it’s the police, open up!” Sudden silence followed, and a couple of locks came undone before it was opened. “How can I help you officer?” Rarity said, looking at the two un-uniformed changelings. “Wait a minute, you two aren’t Civil Protection! Who are you and… Oh, hi Roxy!” “Ma’am, would you please let us inside to investigate a possible murder scene within your home?” Richard spoke with a stone cold expression—he tried so hard not to visibly smile. “But you’re not Civil Protection!” Rarity spat. “I could have you turned in just because you’re impersonating a policeman!” “Ma’am,” Roxy spoke, pulling out a fake badge real enough to look like one. “This is my assistant for today; he’s in training for door-to-door police work. Now if you’ll excuse us, we need to enter your home for investigation. “ “Roxy, when did you start being a Civil Protection policeman? And when did they start letting changelings become one?” The fashionista spoke, opening the door wide and letting the two in. “About a week ago and stop stalling,” Roxy spoke suddenly having a catchy and popular tune in her head. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we’ll inspect this building and once everything’s clear, we’ll let you-“ “Roxy!” Richard spoke, waving her over. “I believe to have found something of significance.” He said, trying to sound as sophisticated as possible. The changeling walked over and took a look. She coughed and pulled out a pad. Roxy then used her magic to scribble down some notes. After a minute, she then put it away and pulled out a magnifying glass. “What is it?” Rarity said, trying to look over them. “We’ve found an illegal drug on the ground miss,” Richard revealed a small bag filled with multicoloured powder. “It’s about fifteen grams of Wonderbolt, a new popular thing in the market.” “That’s not mine,” Rarity said, trying to snatch the bag away. “Of course not, it’s ours now,” Roxy took the bag and placed it into her saddlebags. She turned her gaze to the disguised human. “You head to the back, make sure she doesn’t have anything else funny.” “On it,” Richard nodded. “Don’t go back there! You’re gonna have to have a warrant for that!” Rarity yelled. “We do,” Roxy flashed the paper into her face and placed it next to her hooves. “Keep going Fosbury, I’m sure you’ll find something that catches your eye.” Richard walked down a hallway and opened the third left door to find a maskless Jacques lying down sideways on the bed with his head propped with the right hand. The scout shook his head and walked in. “Seduce me,” the spy said, bending his left knee and placing his other arm on it. “You know you want to you dirty changeling.” “You jerk,” Richard chuckled. “That’s no way how to speak to a friend.” “Of course not Richard,” Jacques said, not moving a muscle. “Also, can you help me? Rarity kind of froze me here in any pose she desires so that she can have the best modeling available.” “Then how did you move your left leg?” Richard placed his porous hooves on the Frenchman and forcibly moved his body straight up. “You got me,” Jacques stood from his ‘freezing’ and straightened his tie. “But she does use the spell sometimes. Also my good friend, you may not want to look back. If anything, leap unto my arms.” “Why?” A gas mask exhalation sound came from behind, startling him. Richard yelped then leaped and clung to the pinstripe suit, trying to completely surround the spy with his arms. A chuckle came from the origin of the sound, but quickly died away as footsteps came closer. The space around them suddenly felt angry and wrathful as Richard pulled his small changeling body closer to Jacques. “Please don’t hurt me!” Richard begged. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry when I didn’t tell you!” A pause made him close his eyes as he prepared for the worst. Suddenly, a cold, gloved hand touched him on the back and rubbed. “Is that really you Richard Dick Fosbury?” Jennifer spoke, reaching out and grabbing the small disguised human off of Jacques chest and into her arms. “Is that really you?” She took off her gas mask and nuzzled the changeling. He opened his eyes and did a small jazz hand gesture, “Tadaa! … Yea it’s me, I’m just disguised.” He then jumped off and landed to the floor. “Don’t tell anyone else, other than Roxy or Mrs. Cake. Those are the only two that I know that know I’m here.” “What about Rarity?” Jacques said, and then his eyes opened wide. “Let me check if she’s right in the hallway, she could be hearing our conversation.” He lightly pushed Jennifer to the side and looked out into the main lobby; where Roxy and the fashionista were talking. “We’re clear,” Jacques closed the door and turned to the duo. “So Richard, where did you turn up?” “Over at Rainbow Dash’s place,” he waved a dismissive hoof, then got to the floor and changed back to his normal form. He sat down on the bed. “But the strangest thing was, when I was teleported—with no idea how long, or what happens in the outside world—it felt like as though only a second passed.” “Princess Twilight told us that it should be different,” Jacques placed a finger on his yet unshaven face. “You should’ve felt time pass by in the form of a void appearing waiting for you to choose your spot to land. I just wonder why didn’t you teleport until now.” “It was actually about a quarter of an hour after noon today that I had appeared,” the Bostonian rubbed the back of his head. “Roxy apparently found cinnamon bread clinging to my back after I had appeared lying on top of Skittles’ bed.” “Yep, bread sometimes happen every now and then,” Jennifer said. “At least you weren’t stuck in a desert that was almost literally an ocean.” “How’d they find you? I know Roxy told me that you were found, but how?” “Short story, I found them,” Jennifer sat down next to Richard and propped her elbows on her knees. “Long story; I appeared in what looked like an oasis. ‘Okay’ I say, ‘this is a nice place, but I need to get back home’. So I decided to fill my helmet and suit with water, mainly as a cooler cause I was wearing my jumpsuit underneath. I held it like a backpack, and walked away from that paradise I temporarily called home for about an hour or so. “By night I walked; by day I camped and tried to keep as cool as possible by using my jumpsuit as a short tent. By day ten of walking, I was running out of water and smelled heavily of musk and sweat. Day thirteen I had found a campground, but no one—not even a living being—had resided there. I looked around for anybody, or at least a dead body. Seeing nothing, I had raided the campground of their water—I was living on really large scorpions and small insentient nagas, at least I thought they were—and some makeshift clothing. I looked like a damned Egyptian trader as I left the campground. With plenty of water, I headed in the same direction as I had headed towards before. “About a day later; I came across a much larger oasis. But man, I found out the water had been contaminated with dead horses, large nagas still holding swords, and bipedal cats floating around in the water; so no water there. I eventually came to my wits and tested to find out how dead they were; only a day earlier they were slaughtered—I ate them obviously, needed food at the time. So I had waited in case anyone was coming by. Seeing that two days had passed, I went to walk again. “Here’s the fun part! I started to have hallucinations! Yea I know, scary. One day of hallucinations and I started to slowly lose my mind. I kept thinking that Cairo was just over that next hill after seeing a dumb mirage…It wasn’t. Eventually I ran out of my precious—it’s water Richard! Not a damn ring— and was slowly losing consciousness about how long I was walking. It wasn’t until a black box-like thing in the day had appeared in the distance that I decided to run towards it. With my mask on my belt—I left my suit behind at the campground, it carried too much weight—and my clothing moving loosely, it made me look like I was an attacking cat-thing—a war was happening between them two, but made peace as they found me to take me home. “I ran up to them, watching as the black thing was getting closer. I stopped to catch my breath, and saw that the small black thing was coming up next to me. I yelled for help and waved my hands in the air. After twenty minutes of me doing nothing but seeing spots, the black thing came closer and I noticed that it was a black-colored group of a caravan. They saw me and instantly lifted their spears so that they can recognize who I was safely. Seeing that I was in a near state of death; they took me to a medical wagon and helped me back up. The ones that saved me were bipedal cats—I called them furries because that’s what they looked like; and no Richard, I’m not making fun of your interests—and they grew interested in me and tried to trade me for several gold just so that I could become a slave, which kind of slave I don’t know. “A Saddle Arabian ambassador eventually bought me for some money and tried to make me do slave work for the leader because of my hands. It wasn’t until Sunny-Ass found me several days after I was bought to actually get away from the stallion’s grubby hooves—I knew he wanted to wreck this newfound slave—and make a deal. I wasn’t bought again, but more like snatched from his hooves. That Sun-Butt knew what she was doing, and she told me that they were on a search for me and a couple others from our team. “Then dumb politics happened between the Cat Country—I believe it was called The United Scarab Commonwealth, I don’t fucking know—Saddle Arabia and Equestria. It took a week until I came back to this imperialistic country. A welcoming party was held in my honor, and the finding of, at the castle in Canterlot. It was really touching, until I noticed that two others were gone, Fluttershy and you, Richard. Well, about Fluttershy, I was told by a guard that night that someone wanted to talk to me in Luna’s room. I opened the door to the gothic horse’s room, and found the little butter pony calmly sleeping on the bed. I tried to wake her up, but that damned Luna appeared at the most awkward moment of me waking her up; me trying to give CPR. She blushed and walked to my side and finally noticed that sleeping custard was lying on her bed. “She yelled for the guard—who pointed spears at me instantly, damn speciesists—and told them that the missing bubblegum vanilla-pony was on her bed. Luna kissed the pony as an attempt because she read some kind of fanfiction about Snow White, and woke her up. I don’t think the True Love’s kiss actually works in this realm, but if it was, then that’s some weird lesbian shit. But Shutterfly woke up and instantly pulled out her bonesaw from the inside of her coat with the angriest look a cute pony can make. After several minutes of telling her she’s okay, she calmed down and walked down with us back to the party where she was hugged by her friends and had another party within the party,” Jennifer shrugged and opened a bottle of water and chugged it whole. “The party was about a week ago, and the whole walking and dealing with the desert situation was about twenty-one days before, and I was told that the battle in Canterlot happened about two days after my teleportation, the same day we escaped Stalliongrad,” she finished, spreading her arms wide. “I must say, it seems like your way was decent compared to Mikhail Bakunin,” Jacques stated. “What happened to him?” Richard and Jennifer spoke in unison. The Frenchman put a finger to his chin. “He landed in a brothel in the country of Grayphon, you guys know that right? Well, the thing here is, after he appeared in the brothel, our good friend Gilda—you guys should remember her from the brothel in Stalliongrad—found the guy on one of the beds in an unoccupied room. She walked in on him rubbing his head, and Gilda decided to take advantage of this moment. Once she was done with him, Gilda walked to the headmaster and recommended that he’d stay. Eventually, he grew popular around the capital city; so popular that the Empress of the country decided to hire him because the husband didn’t fulfill her desires. The Emperor was okay with this since it was a human and not another griffon—twisted huh? Word was caught to the princess in the newspaper from Grayphon that the Empress was having an affair with a bipedal ape-like creature. “Eventually Princess Celestia came to the capital with one goal, which was to get Mikhail out of Grayphon and into Equestria. The Empress wasn’t happy with the idea and they almost got into a cat fight. The Empress thought Princess Celestia was jealous—which I believe by the way—and attempted to declare war all over Mikhail. The Russian appeared after twenty minutes of bickering, really tired and dressed in nothing but a sleeping robe and clearly having a coffee noon break. All he said was ‘what’ and both girls wanted to declare him theirs. It was like watching two teenagers finally claiming their dibs and trying to redeem it at the same time. Mikhail, clearly in shock, stopped the two with his muscular strength and decided going back home was a better idea—he left his precious Sasha here at Sweet Apple Acres—once he got his clothing and items together.” “And what kind of items is that?” Richard asked, cleaning his ear with Q-tips from nearby. “Well, some of them are things given by the public fans of his...succession. The rest—which was most of it—was presents from the Empress given to him because he did a good job, which was virtually a hundred percent of the time.” “What do you mean virtually? Wouldn’t it be all the time?” Jennifer spoke, unzipping her outer, flame-retardant suit. “Well, there was only one time that he didn’t want to do it, and that was just a couple days after he was hired, all because he was tired. Boy did he learn! The Empress took a whip and dealt with him, and then dealt with him after that!” “Eww,” Jennifer gagged. “You mean after whipping…?” “Yep, but she didn’t want him too hurt. He was basically babied throughout the whole time, only punished when he didn’t do what the Empress hired him to do,” Jacques lit a cigarette and looked at the still closed door. “I’m surprised Marshmallow didn’t appear and budge in. Either Roxy had a really interesting conversation, or she completely forgot about me; most likely the latter.” The door opened and Richard instinctively transformed into his changeling form. It opened wide, and revealed Roxy with a wide grin on her face. “Jacques! Your so-called ‘in-law parents’ are in the lobby wanting to talk to you,” the changeling looked around and found Jennifer in her jumpsuit. “Nice orange suit! But isn’t it supposed to cover your entire body?” “It usually does,” The pyro tied the arm sleeves together. “But I like having my undershirt out, releases the heat from my waist down; it’s a really thick material.” Roxy slowly nodded her head, “Anyways, I’ve distracted Rarity long enough that you guys can walk out. But Jacques has to stay and talk about something to his proposed fiancé.” Jacques jumped from his chair and dashed out of the room into the hallway towards the lobby. “Fiancé! I am your fiancé?” Rarity shrieked from the lobby. “You haven’t even proposed…Oh yea, sorry.” Jennifer pointed towards the door way in confusion. “Did they really…?” “No,” Roxy replied. “But they might as well be proposed from now on, the parents know and it’s not going to be good if they find out it wasn’t even happening. Wait... By the name of my ancestors I believe he’s actually proposing!” Roxy peered out the door with Richard and Jennifer stacking above her. “Would you, my comrade in arms, and best friend,” Jacques was kneeling on the ground with a box in his hand. “Would you like to be my-“ “Yes!” Rarity squeaked and hugged the spy’s chest—even kneeling proved that he was still a little taller than the pony—in happiness and joy. “Well I was going to say my girlfriend, but I guess this can work,” Jacques rubbed the back of his head as the pony snuggled closer. “I don’t care, at least now we’re official and not made up,” Rarity said, squeezing his chest. “What? You mean earlier you two weren’t together in the first place?” a white, bulky stallion with a sport cutie mark spoke. “Then what was that a couple weeks ago?” “Honestly, I was trying to get her off of my chest,” Jacques grabbed the pony and lifted her up. “But she decided that clamping with such vice-grip that it really difficult to get her off.” The pink mare standing beside the stallion chuckled. “That’s my Rare-Rare. Snuggled him long and hard,” She giggled. “Maybe next time, make sure it’s a marriage proposal and not some relationship proposal, no matter how dramatic it is.” “Will do,” Jacques placed Rarity down as she groaned at her horrible nickname. He then walked to the door and held it open. “See you in a couple weeks!” “Ta-ta!” Rarity’s mother said as Jacques closed the door. “Well, I believe that could’ve gone better, don’t you think?” the fashionista spoke, fluffing her hair. “Well, Fosbury, Roxy, Jennifer and I must go,” He waved them over and looked at his watch; six forty-five. “You might as well come too; Pinkie’s having a party at Sugarcube Corner at seven.” Her eyes shot open wide, “How much more time do I have?” “About fifteen minutes before the party starts,” Jennifer started pushing the spy out of the door. “Also, we may have a huge surprise at the party,” Roxy winked at Richard as he closed the door to the boutique behind him. “And it’s all starting with a special appearance.” “You mean you haven’t officially revealed yourself?” Jennifer asked, lifting the disguised human changeling unto her shoulders. “That’s just cold-blooded man.” “I got this!” Richard exclaimed. “If anything, the worst that’ll happen is that Rainbow Dash will most likely try and make sure I’m dead. Wait a minute,” Richard searched into his hidden pocket and pulled out a familiar container. “Don’t you dare,” Jacques reached for the bottle of pills. “You’re not going to cause terror tonight!” Richard pulled them away and popped a pill into his mouth, “Too slow chuckle-nuts! I already got one!” He then swallowed and licked his lips. “I should’ve thought this through, I need to wash it down with something.” “Hey changeling, wash it down with this!” Nick yelled ahead of them with a can of ‘Bonk!’ “Heck yea!” Richard jumped from Jennifer’s head and landed next to the sniper. He then grabbed the can and took a sip. “Thank you so much! I thought my mouth was going to…Wait a minute,” Richard took another sip and tried to taste to flavor. “This tastes a bit different, did you do something to this?” the changeling asked, looking up at the Australian who was holding a video recorder. “Of course I didn’t!” Nick said, shocked. “I wouldn’t dare to mess with someone’s drink. I just opened this can and decided to give it to a fan of Richard from the goodness of my heart.” The scout took another sip. Trying to find out what the liquid was, he poured some into the ground. Like it was harvested fresh from the source, urine came out of the mouth of the drink and unto the ground. Richard dropped, and felt as though everything was going in slow motion; Jennifer was trying so hard not to vomit, Jacques was laughing and snorting, and Nick just watched with his video recorder recording the tragic event. Richard’s world spun around as he came to the realization that he drank Nick’s piss. He fell to the soft, grassy ground and slowly lost consciousness. (...) Richard slowly opened his eyes, and was forced to shut them again as a blinding light had entered into his vision. A rhythmic beeping caught his attention as he tried to find out what was going on. “Nurse Redheart! Try and get Arvin or Fluttershy here pronto!” a stallion’s voice yelled. “Wait! I think the creature’s coming to!” Richard groaned lifted a hoof to his head to deflect the bright light. “Where am I?” He weakly asked. “What happened?” The light dimmed, allowing the scout to finally see his doctor. “I’m Dr. Carrot Top and you’re in the Ponyville hospital for fainting. Although it was a small faint, we may believe that you’re allergic to something.” The Bostonian continued to rub his head, and felt a claw where his hoof should be. He suddenly realized that he was now a xenomorph. He lifted his tail to wrap it around his leg, but felt it clatter on the table nearby. “Sir, we need you to calm down! I know this must be hard to understand, but bear with me,” Dr. Carrot Top scolded. “Where’s one of the medics?” Suddenly, a door opened, and as though doves flew behind him, Arvin walked from a very bright hallway and to Richard’s side. “Oh thank god you’re here doc!” Richard said, propping himself up. “I just need a quick over-heal with that medigun and we’ll be fine!” He chuckled weakly. The German turned his head to the doctor and nodded his head towards the door. “Alright, but I’ll be just outside the door in case anything happens,” Carrot Top said, exiting the small emergency room. Arvin looked at him with a sad look in his eyes, and hugged the alien-like scout. “You don’t know how long it’s been good friend,” He said, pulling away and lifting the medigun. “This land is being too good for me. I feel myself growing less insane, and more at peace. I am such a dummkopf! Why haven’t realized this earlier?” The medigun continued to flow more of the now snow white and dark blue plasma trails into Richard’s body. “I’m sorry Rich, but I just got to talk to someone I haven’t in a long while. So, it looks like Nick had decided to give you his best prank, eh?” “Heck yea he did,” The scout coughed. “But I think I fainted out of-“ “Out of disgusted realization, am I right?” Arvin interrupted and lowered the healing device. Richard nodded. “Well, that’s wunderbar. Anyways, your order from me is to check the can of cola next time before you drink it. You are to be careful about drinking urine next time, wouldn’t want you starring in a survivalist show with that bear guy.” “At least it’s not mine,” Richard got off the medical bed. “Anyways, I have a party to go to. What time is it?” “It’s about ten after seven,” the medic replied, looking at a large clock. “Can I come with you? This town is so boring without barely any medical emergencies, it’s all mainly just colds and since the season is coming up; some various kinds of flus and dangerous coughs.” “Flu is coming?” “Well, our team doesn’t have to really worry about it, blame the medigun for having such a cure-all,” Arvin placed his coat on a nearby rack and removed his gloves. “Come on, you have a party to go to, we don’t want to be late.” (.) Richard sighed as he approached the door to Sugarcube Corner in his changeling from. He opened it to find that the room was pitch-black and very quiet. He rolled his eyes, and turned on the nearby magical light switch. “Surprise!” Everybody in the room yelled with joy. “Welcome to Ponyville Fosbury!” Pinkie yelled, and appeared two feet in front of him. “This is virtually all of Ponyville! I’m so glad you came here.” “Why,” Richard shuffled, still feeling the after-effects of changing back into a changeling from a xenomorph. “Because we a huge surprise for you! Come, I’ll show you where it is!” the pink pony grabbed his hoof and pulled him next to a table with two cakes. “This is my cake,” Rainbow Dash said, pointing to an orange cake with three layers and designs, with her face covered different coloured icing and flour. She then pointed at a single layer cake with Richard’s exact changeling look on it. “And this one’s Pinkie’s. Mine was supposed to be based on the new Quarter-Life game; I was told there was going to be three games and I just wanted to show you how much this game is going to be awesome!” she squee’d. “Mine’s all about you, new friend!” Pinkie took a knife and sliced both cakes. “Not tell us, who made the better cake?” She handed him two plates with slices of cake looking exactly like each other. Richard swallowed and took a fork from a nearby table. “Which one is Rainbow Dash’s?” Pinkie looked at the right plate, then to the left. “I really don’t know, but try this one!” She gave him the right plate. Using his magic, he then took a forkful of the cake and bit into it. He chewed and paused, finally noticing how quiet the party got to and noticed that they were all watching him. Richard swallowed and made his judgment before reaching for the other plate. After eating a little of both pieces of cake, the Bostonian nodded and pointed to the left cake. Everyone in the room gasped and started whispering to each other. “Woo!” Dash yelled. “I won! I actually won at something I wasn’t even good at!” She did an air-moonwalk. “But, how?” Pinkie looked at the ground. “But I’m usually the best at baking. Please, tell me how did I lose?” She grabbed ahold of chest and shook him. Richard scratched his neck. “For one thing, Dash’s cake did have a lot more flavors into it. The other thing was that,” He bit his lip. “Honestly Pinkie Pie, your cake was too sugary for my mouth.” The crowd gasped and grew silent. “W-w-what?” Pinkie stuttered, releasing him and sat on her haunches. “H-how can this be?” “Well for one thing, I’m not a pony,” Richard chuckled and prepared to change. “Oh and by the way, I ain’t even a changeling, well sort of.” Green flames erupted from his back hooves as he stood up. His body changed material, and the clothing that were on his before fit to his human body. Richard yawned as the flames dissipated to reveal his face and new hair features. “Do you have any idea who you were talking to?” He spoke, patting Dash’s head. “I’ve told my last name dumbo. How did you not get that it was me the whole time?” Dash stood there with her mouth wide open as she tried to realize what was happening. “It’s like a dream come true,” She muttered. The pegasus then grabbed the scout’s shirt and pulled him closer. “How are still alive? We thought you were dead!” “If I was, then I’m a spooky scary skeleton,” A little ticking sound came from his feet. He looked down and found Pinkie’s head turning clockwise in time to the ticks. “Now that’s creepy.” A ringing sound erupted as Pinkie’s face lit up in a large smile. “Oh my gosh! It’s you!” Pinkie hugged his legs. “Yea of course it’s me,” Richard said, spreading his arms. “Anyone else want a hug that missed me? It’s only a bit to do so!” Several minutes later showed Richard hugging the last of the partygoers—whose coat was a light blue colour with white, extremely frazzled hair. He sighed, and let go of the final pony. “Bark!” She giggled and walked away from the confused human. “I’m just kidding, or am I?” He shook his head. “Any idea on the pony that’s supposed to keeping tabs on her?” He yelled to the crowd. Dr. Carrot Top appeared and coughed. “I am, but she seems like she’s acting good today; so I let her go to this party,” he then fluffed his hair. “Hey uh, doc,” The pony turned his head. “Do you have any funny jokes that should be told? Or can you make up one with a few props?” “I do have some jokes,” He chuckled. “But I like to do them in my hidden alias, although no-one here actually knows who you are if you just hide your cutie mark and restyle your hair; I like mine really stretched out and hanging rather this weird flattop style.” “Where’s Arvin?” “Oh he’s nearby Screw Loose—that’s her name by the way—and keeping a close eye on her,” He pointed to the duo playing a game of pin the tail on the pony. “I don’t know if it’s just me, but it seems like the medic always knows what Screw is going to do.” “Because he’s cuckoo!” Richard made swirls around his head. “Well, he was and I’m assuming that’s why he just knows.” “Ah, that would explain why,” Dr. Carrot said. “Well, I must be off to take Screw Loose back home, seems like she’s getting attracted to the medic.” He pointed to the group showing that the said pony was hugging the German and nuzzling his neck. “Bye!” Richard stood from his chair and walked over to the punch bowl where Jennifer, Mikhail, and Dell were, dressed in tuxes. “Hey guys! Long no see apparently,” Instantly, he was hugged the by massive heavy weapons guy. “I thought the little baby was dead forever,” He spoke, in a more fluent way. “Hey! If you don’t let me go, then maybe I will be big guy,” Mikhail released his hold. “Wow, I’ve heard about your return from the teleportation troubles.” The Russian heartily laughed. “It was decent up until pony princess appeared, reminding me of my Sasha,” He drunk the rest of the punch in his cup. “The griffon Empress just wanted cuddling and an intimate relation with me. Big griffon didn’t care about it,” He leaned in, and whispered. “But he also wanted to see if I lived up to rumors… Let’s just say he can no longer worry about loud farts.” “Eww!” Jennifer squealed. “No more details Heavy!” Dell laughed and threw his arms around the group. “I missed you guys; let’s make sure we never stop being friends.” “Hey Richard Douchebag Fosbury,” A tomboyish yell from behind them caught their attention. “Yea Dash?” Richard replied. “Catch!” The scout turned and saw a cake flying to his face. He attempted to react to the flying bakery item, but it slammed unto his face before he even moved. “That’s what you get!” “Alright, I did deserve it,” Richard wiped the black icing off of his face. “Now that I’ve noticed it, I think Pinkie’s cake is better than yours.” “You take that back,” Dash flew up to him and poked him on the chest. “My cake was better and you know it!” She huffed. The scout waved a dismissive hand and wiped his face clean of any icing. Suddenly, the crowd grew again grew quiet as he threw the sugar filled napkin into the trash. “Hey Richey,” Jennifer whispered into his ear. “You better look your best, all three of the princesses—and I’m assuming a forth one is the pink one walking with Twilight—are in the room. They’re probably interested in you coming back.” Richard turned his gaze and was met face-to face with the tall, white alicorn with a slight smile on her face. “Yo what’s up?” He said, jerking his chin up. “What’s up is that thou art alive despite what’s happened to thine teammates,” Princess Luna spoke, her mane now very similar to her sister’s; ethereal and sparkling like they use glitter glue as conditioning. “But we digress; we—my sister, Twilight, our niece and us—are here to celebrate that thou is not dwelling within the necropolis.” “What my sister is saying is that-“ Princess Celestia started. “Yea I already know what’s she’s trying to say,” Richard sighed. “I was forced to study archaic language for high school.” Luna’s eyes beamed, “So thou understand what we speak?” She clapped her hooves together and smiled. “Not only him,” Jennifer spoke. “Most of us understand, well the ones that naturally speak English.” “How?” The dark princess cocked her head. “And what’s this English?” “It’s the language we speak,” Jennifer handed a cup of punch to the pony. “And there was this class in school we had to take where we had to study several books and poems that came from at least from two centuries, to up to a millennia ago.” Luna rubbed her chin then looked at her sister with a disappointed face. “We’ll to talk thee later,” she then turned her gaze around the room and saw the rest of the mercenaries scattered around, standing and not really bowing unlike the ponies. “Why art thou ape-creatures not bowing?” She boomed. “Well,” Arvin spoke walking up next to Celestia. “We’re not officially your citizens, but if we are then not all of us actually have had royalty rule over us with a harsh bowing rule.” “Luna,” Celestia spoke. “These humans never had any royalty ruling over them; maybe one or two, but never all of them.” “Tavish’s Scottish,” Richard thumbed in his direction, where he was hanging on a ledge with a bottle of rum in his hand. “But I’m not really sure if he has the Queen of England technically ruling over him.” “Wait,” Celestia raised a brow. “Does this Queen rule with an iron hoof?” “Not really,” Jacques said, leaning near the doorway in case of enemies. “She’s one of the kindest people you’ll possibly meet. Then again, she’s pretty old compared to us, about forty years at least.” “Does she have any descendants?” Cadence asked. “Does she at least have a king ruling with her?” “Nope,” Jennifer shook her head. “She only has a son that’s married and I believe they have a child with them.” “But the queen is still living, how much longer though?” the pink alicorn said. “I’d give it about two years,” Richard shrugged. “Half a year, given how's she's in the late eighties,” Arvin said. “Not even! I’d say about three year’s tops for old age!” Nick yelled nearby the cash register. “Can you guys stop? You making the pink pony worried,” Jennifer yelled then turned her gaze towards the four princesses. “Are you here for business? I have a feeling that having us will cause more chaos than needed be.” “Not really,” A disembodied voice spoke. “You guys are in fact helping balance everything out.” The chimera appeared, drinking a cocktail. “If you want, I could get you guys sent home without any problems. Well in fact one little tiny problem.” “So what’s this little problem?” Jane spoke with a cigar in his mouth, and pulled out a shotgun and loaded a shell. “I’ll make sure it’s gone.” “Well the problem is, if I send you back, there’ll be no way for you guys to ever come back,” He chuckled. “So all the harmony that you’ve ever-“ “I just want to get home dammit!” the pyro yelled, pulling out her giant shard of volcano fragment. “If you can do that, then maybe I won’t have to use this.” “Whoa! I didn’t know you were so eager to get home,” Discord rubbed his chin. “What about you guys? It’s a one-way trip over all.” A tap on his shoulder caught his attention. The chimera turned and faced a Texan holding a PDA. “I’m afraid that our family is mighty worried about us,” Dell said, pressing a few buttons. “But I need to tie up a few loose ends before I go; mostly unfinished business.” “Anyone else want to take care of business before leaving?” Discord snapped his fingers and was suddenly surrounded in a ticket booth and was dressed as a ticket agent, complete with a red vest and hat. “I’ll be waiting until you guys decide whenever. But only for a limited time, so come on down!” The Wheel of Fortune theme suddenly played out of nowhere, and Sugarcube Corner turned into the set with the wheel and mares in velvet dresses, wondering how they got there. A pad revolved a wall around to reveal a large mock making of a ticket with Saxton Hale’s face on it. Discord walked from behind the ticket, holding a microphone with a very short, and cut off cord. “Hi everybody! Let’s bring our first contestants down!” He snapped his fingers again then Luna, Jacques, Richard, Dell, and Mikhail appeared at the bidder’s booth. “How much are you going to bid on this ticket to go back to your solar system on planet Earth?” Discord yelled into his microphone. He then pointed to the crowd of what used to be the partygoers behind them. “Help them out you guys!” “Ten bits,” Luna said. Richard looked behind him into the confused crowd and then leaned into his microphone. “I say eleven bits,” He smiled, knowing that he was the one guy that bidden higher than the other person. “One hundred euros,” Jacques said, then adjusted his Frenchman’s Beret. “It’s free?” Mikhail finally spoke after looking at the ticket nonstop. “Ding-ding-ding!” Discord chimed. “My Russian friend is correct! Or he was probably Russian the answer.” He laughed, and then snapped his fingers and teleported them back the bakery. “All you have to do is ask to go back home, but it only lasts until tomorrow! So you better get ready to head back home,” several baggages appeared next to him as aviators floated from the sky and landed on his nose. “You better start packing up! This offer closes at this exact time tomorrow!” Discord conjured a giant golden clock with a chain and put it around his neck, “It’s only nine o’clock and you have twenty-four hours left!” He snapped his fingers and Richard felt a tug on his chest as he was pulled towards the chimera. “You’re a special case here boy.” “What?” the Bostonian reached for his three-pronged blade, but it fell as he was lifted into the air. “Discord!” Princess Celestia’s voice yelled. “Don’t you dare hurt him, or I’ll make sure you’ll be hurt” “Oh please,” He scoffed. “I only wanted one thing from him.” He snapped his fingers and a small bottle lifted from the scout’s pocket, he dropped and clenched his chest. “And that thing was a bottle of alien gene-splicers. I’m going to give these to a good friend of mine, and have him make some permanent draconequus splicers.” “Why?” Richard asked, trying to regain his breath, “Just so that you rebuild your extinct population?” “My race is not extinct!” the chimera hissed. “Thanks to you, they’re now going to be prosperous once again!” “But they’re not you,” Richard gasped. “They’re not going to be as magical and powerful like you. I bet they’re going to be just mortals!” “I will make them powerful then!” Discord raised a fist, but lowered it as a sad frown grew on his face. “Who am I kidding? They’re never going to be pure-bloods, no matter how much magic I put into them.” Jane reached for the bottle and pulled it away from the psychopathic demon creature. “Sorry private, but magic belongs in Canada!” He yelled into his ear. “Do it like a man and make your own babies!” Discord pulled out a white handkerchief and blew his nose. “Thanks Solly,” He threw the cloth behind him as it turned into doves. “I have one question, will you be the one to-“ “Hell no,” the American said bluntly. “I will not be your mate. But what I can do is recommend-“ “Fluttershy?” “Err, close enough,” Jane then pushed him forward and patted his back. “Go get ‘em lion, goat thing?” Fluttershy watched as the chimera walked up to her in a confident swagger. “C-can I help you?” She whispered. He then kneeled down and whispered into her ear. “…Okay, I will.” “Really?” Discord smiled. “Well, we’ll start tonight! Once we get back home.” Arvin rubbed his temples and secretly hoped that it wasn’t what he thought. “Okay everypony—and humans,” the chimera clasped his paw and claw together. “We’ll get some rest and—you don’t really have to, no really, don’t—pray for the best tomorrow, farewell everyone and have a wonderful night! Don’t forget that Hearth’s Warming Day isn’t that far! Ta-ta!” He snapped his claw and disappeared in a flume of smoke, along with Fluttershy. “Well,” Princess Celestia looked at Richard, who was drinking even more punch. “I see that you’re back into your usual liquid drinking, but where did you appear?” He smiled, and tossed the cup towards a trashcan like a professional basketball player. “I appeared on top of Rainbow Dash’s bed, and I nearly hurt my sister-like changeling, Roxy,” She appeared right beside him like a dog getting its name called. “Though I wonder what’ll happen after I leave; will she happy here and safe?” “Of course I will!” Roxy proclaimed. “In fact, I believe I’m seeing somepony that’s not here at the moment.” Richard patted her head, “Good for you. There could’ve been weirder places I could’ve appeared by the way, but I’ve been through worse.” “Very well,” the alicorn spoke then looked around to meet her eyes with the humans. “I shall see you tomorrow exactly twenty-three hours from now. “Good night, and be packed up and ready,” she concluded as she pulled them all together with her magic. She then surrounded her long forelegs as much of the group—without getting Tavish's drunken breath on her. “You have made a change in the nation, and I will thank you for your efforts. If it wasn’t for you guys, I don’t what would’ve happened.” “It wasn’t really a big deal!” Jennifer chuckled, “Just another day at work.” “But at least work doesn’t deal with having to sleep with snoring dinosaur,” Richard joked. A loud bang from the kitchen caught his attention. He turned, and saw the pegasus holding a rolling pin, and bouncing it on her left hoof. “For the last time,” Dash snorted, visibly revealing a puff of white air. “I don’t snore!” She leaped towards the Bostonian and swung the wooden weapon down. He dodged and ran out of the building through a nearby window—completely ignoring the wide-open doorway. He ran into the dark night with the angry pegasus chasing after him, totally forgetting any past troubles.