//------------------------------// // Snow // Story: Healing // by korrasami_is_canon //------------------------------// It was already 2 pm and Fluttershy was still asleep, her body curled under her covers and her mane and tail sprawled out. It was tangled and oily, as she couldn’t bring herself to bathe the past week or so. She couldn’t bring herself to do much of anything, to be honest. Had it not been winter and all her animal friends hibernating or migrating, she would have had to force herself out of bed to care for them. But with nothing driving her to leave her cottage, she spent her days crying or getting lost in thought. It still hurt. It had hurt two weeks ago when Discord so easily threw their friendship away and it still hurt now, even though they had made up. Fluttershy couldn’t stop revisiting the incident, couldn’t stop thinking she did something wrong; couldn't stop thinking about how little she actually meant to Discord, wondering if his apology was really enough, if he really meant it, if Discord would ever do the same thing again, if she was just being a silly pony for putting so much faith in him and thinking she ever meant so much to him. It had become a chore to eat, and she would go whole days forgetting to put anything into her system. Even when she recognized her hunger, everything tasted empty. She would walk slower and pause mid walk every now and then. She would be laying on the couch and tears would run down her cheeks without her even realizing it. Her friends had visited her to make sure she was okay, and when they were over, the whole Tirek incident actually left her mind. She enjoyed herself with her friends and was actually really happy. So they thought she was fine and went back to their normal business. But as soon as they left, everything would come flooding back and the cycle would start anew. Fluttershy had dealt with anxiety her whole life, and she had been depressed every now and then, but it had never been this overbearing. Normally her animal friends were there to comfort her and help her through something like this, but they were all asleep or gone for the winter. And the weather didn’t help much, either. Every time she looked outside it was bleak and empty. There were no flowers swaying in the cold winds, no critters skittering about, and the sun was barely up. And when it was it was usually covered by clouds. She wanted to reach out to her friends for help, but she also didn’t want to make them worry. She wanted somepony to confide to, to vent to… but every time she tried to walk out of her cottage and go to one of her friends, she would find herself stopping in her tracks and turning back. She couldn’t bring herself to do anything. It was 2:30 now, and Fluttershy was finally starting to wake up. She stirred a bit under her blankets and pushed her head out from underneath her covers and sighed. She stretched her legs without getting up and relaxed her body again, staring out the window and looking at the snow-covered trees. She started crying again. I’m a mess… Maybe if she actually ate something she’d feel better. She lay in bed thinking of what to eat: a salad… or maybe some soup… oh or maybe a cucumber sandw-- And her crying turned to wailing. She grabbed her pillow and squeezed her arms and legs around it as if it was the only thing keeping her grounded and pushed her face into it, muffling her cries. She shook her head vigorously and stood up, leaving her grip on the pillow, “NO!” Her body began to shake all over and she snapped her jaw on the pillow and threw it at the floor and rushed downstairs away from everything and outside her cottage and burrowed herself in the snow under one of her trees and screamed. She had finally snapped and she couldn’t take it any more. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. Everything she had kept pent-up since the Tirek incident had started to rush out all at once and it was just too much to take. She needed to get away from it all and just scream everything out. She lifted her head out from of the snow and wailed at the sky, tears rushing down her face and her already ruffled mane clinging to her fur from all the sweat and tears she had been secreting. Her throat started to get sore but she couldn’t stop. Not now. She had already started and she needed to get everything out. She didn’t care how cold the snow was around her submerged body or how the icy wind burned her face or how her wings were getting stiff from the cold… She screamed again, and again, and again. Her tears were freezing on her face but she couldn’t stop. “YOU HURT ME DISCORD,” she cried out into the emptiness around her, “YOU HURT ME So much,” she started to sniffle, lowering her head and calming down. She lowered her voice to a whisper, “what did i do wrong…” Then she heard a soft voice. “Oh Fluttershy… you did nothing wrong.” She turned her head toward the voice and saw Discord sitting a few feet in front of her, head hanging low and averting his eyes to the snow in front of him. He slowly turned his gaze to the pegasus before him and saw with his own eyes what he had done to her. Her mane and tail were disheveled and clung to her tear-stained face. Her wings were frozen stiff against her body, an almost a light blue from the cold. She was shaking all over and her face was a bright pink from crying, and she had the deepest bags under her swollen eyes. Discord began to shake and his voice hitched as he took in a breath. “Oh Fluttershy,” he choked as he stood up and tried to close the distance between them. He lowered his body and was about to embrace Fluttershy in the warmest hug he could, wanting to thaw all the frost collecting on her body and wipe away her tears and heal her from everything he had done-- when he saw her flinch. She started to shake even more, mixed emotions gathering on her face. But of all of them, anger seemed to be the most prominent. She stood from her spot and Discord could see tears begin to form in her eyes. “You think you can just,” she sniffed, “show up after two weeks and pretend a hug will fix everything? Discord you meant the world to me and I… I thought I meant something to you, too. I, I thought you valued what we had.” She lowered her voice, “you hurt me, Discord…” Then she sat down, head lowered, and gasped for air. Discord just stood there, staring at the pegasus before him before sitting down, too. Then in an uncharacteristically soft and level tone, “I know.” This caught her attention and she raised her head, staring into his eyes. To her surprise, he hadn’t been averted his gaze. He was looking straight at her, with the most serious look on his face. “I know I hurt you, Fluttershy,” he continued, “I’ve hurt you more than I can ever apologize for and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make it up to you. I thought that,” he gulped and shuddered at the name, “Tirek could offer me something more than friendship. But there is nothing more and I can’t just snap my fingers and fix everything this time. Friendship’s not that simple and I know that now. “Fluttershy you mean the world to me, and if I could go back in time and stop all of that from happening I would,” he started to cry. He lowered his gaze. But Fluttershy didn’t. She remained there, still as a statue as she continued to stare at him, taking in every word he said. “I had no idea you were in such a state. You looked so cheerful when we parted ways after the whole… incident. But I should’ve known better and I shouldn’t have just left. I just, I just thought giving you space would be best. I came over today to surprise you and catch up, but,” he put his face in his hands, “seeing you in such a state...” He raised his head and looked into Fluttershy’s eyes and slowly reached out his paw, being ready to pull back if she showed any sign of resistance. But she didn’t. She just continued to stare back at him, a blank expression on her face. “Fluttershy if I had known I had hurt you so much I would’ve never left your side. I would’ve stayed with you and let you get everything out and done everything I could to mend what I had broken. And… if you’ll let me,” his breath hitched as more tears started to fall down and his lion paw made contact with her face, “I’d like to do that now.” He cupped her cheek, still waiting for any sign she wanted him to stop. She drew in a quick breath and hiccuped, more tears starting to form, causing Discord to draw his paw back just before she lunged forward and wrapped her hooves around him, burrowing her head into his fur and crying. Discord was drawn back for a moment but his face softened and he closed his eyes as he slowly returned the embrace. His body arched over to keep her warm, one arm snaking into her tangled hair, holding her close, and the other methodically rubbing her back, hoping to help calm her. Tears trickled down his face as he soothed the shaking pegasus in his arms and his embrace tightened just a bit. He needed to keep her safe and help her heal. He needed to show her he would never betray her again. He needed to be there for her. “I’m going to teleport us inside,” he whispered in as soft a voice he could, and waited for her to nod against his fur before snapping his tail. Discord used his magic to start a fire in the fireplace and lay down plenty of layers of blankets in front of it before levitating him and Fluttershy on top of the pile. He held her close as she continued to shake in his arms and cry into his chest. He curled around her on the blankets and rubbed circles on her back until her breathing slowed and her body grew limp against his. As soon as he was sure she was asleep he snapped his tail and turned the already dimmed lights off. The fire crackled throughout the night as Discord kept watch over Fluttershy, keeping her warm and rubbing her back when she shook from nightmares, a solemn look on his face.