Artex double checked himself in the mirror upstairs in the Apple family bathroom,
"For the last time Artex, you look fine." Applejack said bemusedly.
Artex sighed and let his arms fall to his sides,
"I'm still not sure if this is how I want my hair or not." he studied himself again and pursed his lips in dissatisfaction, "Maybe I should just let it hang free?"
Applejack rolled her eyes,
"For pete sake ya big lug! That there 'top-knot' thingie looks just fine. It gives you a unique look an' everything about you already screams unique."
Artex frowned as he looked at his misshapen face,
"Yeah," he agreed morosely, "I'm unique alright."
Applejack scowled at his tone,
"Now see here, if'n any mare wants you she's gonna want you just as you already are, imperfections an' all. Not a one of us is perfect. We all got our imperfections. I'm a mite stubborn sometimes, Pinkie is overbearing, Rarity is fussy, Fluttershy is scared of her own shadow, Rainbow Dash don't know when to quit, heck Twilight folds under pressure 'like a cheap suite' as Rarity would say. All ya gotta do is be you. If a mare wants you, she'll want you for you, not your impression o' some fancy frou-frou type that's 180° out from the real you."
Artex bit his lower lip,
"I just want to look my best."
"Artex, your best only comes out when you're workin' hard. Heck you can practically keep up with me an' Big Mac. The real you will show through no matter what but if you really want to get to know somepony, get 'em nice an' sauced. A drunk mouth speaks a sober mind. A drop or two don't change who ya are, it just brings it to the surface. Order a good wine or somethin' an' let her have most of it while you take tiny sips but make it look like you're really goin' at it. She'll want to keep up and end up tipsy."
Artex frowned,
"I don't like that idea. It sounds too much like what sleaze-bags would do back on Earth. Get a girl drunk and then try to get her to sleep with you. I'm not like that and Razor knows Humans well enough to realize that. I don't want to give her the impression that I'm trying to pressure her into anything."
"Then don't." Applejack replied simply, "Get her a little drunk then treat her with all the respect she deserves. As long as she ain't too far gone, she'll remember how well you behaved. Either way, you win. Besides I got a feelin' she wants you anyway."
"What gives you that idea?" Artex asked.
"Ah've seen the way she looks at ya brother. Don't no mare look like that unless she got somethin' really worth starin' at." Applejack confessed, "Let me ask you somethin', an' Ah really want you to think hard about this." she stepped up to Artex and raised her front half to lean on the sink edge so she could look straight into his face, "Do you have any feelins' for her like you had with your wife?"
Artex was silent as his mind slowly processed his adopted sister's question.
"Yes, yes I do." he spoke very slowly as he explained, "It's almost the same actually. I just never thought about it before today. I'd say it's happening so fast, but really, if I'm being honest with myself, it has been happening for the past half a year. I just didn't realize it until now."
Applejack plopped her forehooves back to the floor with a heavy clop,
"Good. Now Ah want you to spend a good bit o' time thinkin' about how you feel. Let it sink in. After you come to terms with it an' really accept it, that's when it's time to act on it. Remember this isn't some acquaintance you're gonna see once in a while, we're talkin' about sharing your lives an' startin' a family here."
Artex furrowed his brow at the thought,
"Yeah and I need to act soon if I want a family. I'm passing the prime of my years. It's best for Humans to start a family before they're thirty-five and I'm only three years from there. You Ponies live a lot longer than we Humans do. I've got thirty, maybe forty more years before I die. My life is half over. I can't afford to wait much longer or else my chance will be gone." his tone was somber, almost morose again, "I can't afford to mess around if I ever want kids... uh foals, I guess. That still sounds so strange to say."
Applejack's expression softened,
"It's alright Artex, that part'll come in time. Right now you gotta get on the wagon first before you can even think about anything else. Have you at least decided how many mares you want?"
Artex nodded,
"Yeah, I want a full five. They and our... foals are all going to outlive me by quite a stretch and I don't want them to be alone for that time. I couldn't live with myself if I just died and left a single mare to live out the rest of her long life alone without her husband or any sister/wives. It's the least I can do, besides I've never been with anyone except my wife. Imagine what five would be like?" he cracked a small smile at the end as he looked at his adopted sister out of the corner of his eye.
Applejack snorted and chuckled,
"That's a crude way o' thinkin' but it's also true. Come on big brother, go get your mare."
* * *
Artex approached the library door holding his sheathed khopesh in his right hand, 'Why did I even bring this thing with me? I certainly can't take it on our date.' He glanced to his left where Suey trotted faithfully next to him, 'Applejack approved of me dating Razor. I hope Suey will too.'
He stopped at the front door but instead of opening it, he knelt down and scratched Suey's ears with his left hand,
"Suey, I'm going on a date tonight. I want you to be on your best behavior for Twilight and Spike while I'm gone. Alright?"
Suey looked up at him, her flat snout's nostrils flaring as she listened. After he had finished talking, Suey took a step back from him and, to his surprise, she nodded. Artex was taken aback by her gesture, but decided to chalk it up to her rare and highly intelligent breed. He stood back up, turned toward the door, raised his hand, and knocked three times, 'Boy, something sure smells good in there.'
* * *
Razor stood in front of Twilight's bathroom mirror nervously,
"Are you sure I need to walk like that? It makes my back feel funny." she asked of the lavender Alicorn.
"I said I think it would help to draw his attention to your hips. Remember, all we can do is give you suggestions, it's up to you to determine how and when to use them, if at all. I want you to have a good time and remember to tell him how you feel." Twilight said patiently.
"Do you think the makeup is enough Rarity? You didn't use that much." Razor asked worriedly.
Rarity, along with Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Fluttershy, were all crammed into Twilight's loft peeking through the open bathroom door,
"Darling it's fine. Makeup is only supposed to enhance one's natural beauty. Only insecure mares try to use it to make themselves look different. A mistake I made once when I entered the Best Young Fliers Competition in Cloudsdale. I looked positively garish. Makeup is meant to enhance, not alter. You look lovely."
*knock* *knock* *knock*
Razor turned and looked over the railing toward the front door, the source of the sound, then turned her gaze to the clock on the wall,
"He's seven minutes early! What do I do!?"
"You have a good time silly." Pinkie supplied.
"Yes, good luck Razor Wit." Fluttershy added.
"You got this in the bag Razor. He'll be falling all over you." Rainbow Dash nearly cheered.
Razor swallowed hard as she trotted down the stairs and opened the door,
"Hello Artex."
Artex didn't say anything at first as Suey trotted past the tan Unicorn mare, he was too busy gawking at his date. Razor Wit wore a tight fitting orange dress that left her forehooves free by way of short sleeves and descended half way down her hind legs tightly. Her tail poked through a small hole in the back of the dress and both her tail and mane shone with a gloss that caught the light just so. Her eyelashes, normally somewhat long in the first place, suddenly fanned down and up when she blinked and there was just the tiniest hint of blush spread evenly on her cheeks. All-in-all Artex found her to be stunning compared to how he normally viewed Kavim.
"Wow." he said quietly before clearing his throat, "You look... really nice." he shook his head to clear away the haze, "Shall we?" he asked holding the door for her.
Razor smiled and trotted past him slowly, swaying her hips the way Twilight had suggested. Unbeknownst to her, she had indeed caught Artex' attention. He stared at her hips, tightly covered by the dress, 'Holy cow!' he thought, 'She's not a woman... but... mmph... dat ass! Woo!' He politely closed the door and forcibly tore his eyes away from the hypnotically swaying, tempting, alluring hips. He took up an even pace beside Razor as they made their way to the restaurant.
Behind them, peering out from every window of the library, were five pairs of eyes,
"Are we going to follow them?" Pinkie asked.
Twilight smiled deeply,
"Of course."
* * *
Artex led the way to the nicest restaurant in Ponyville: Fresh Cuisine and Fine Dinning. The establishment was well-appointed and yet understated at the same time. There was no required dress code but reservations were required, Artex had the foresight to check before making his way to Sweet Apple Acres earlier that day. He held the doors open for Razor while doing his absolute best not to stare and drool at her well rounded, swaying hips.
The two of them approached the greeter, a light brown Unicorn stallion with slicked back mane and a thin mustache,
"Good evening Mr. Rias. I see that you have returned, I take it this lovely lady is your date this evening?"
Artex inclined his head politely,
"That's right, this is Razor Wit." he said indicating his companion, "Is our table ready?"
"It is indeed good sir. If the two of you would kindly follow me?" he lead the way to a private table near the back of the restaurant which had Artex' name clearly printed on a folded card in the center of the table.
Artex pulled out Razor's chair then pushed it back to the table once she had sat down. For a normal Human the feat would have been difficult to say the least, but with his strength, Artex found it to be a very simple matter. Two menus were placed in front of them and a waitress, a light magenta Pegasus mare, waited for them to decide on their drinks.
"Ladies first." Artex said smoothly as he perused the wine list.
"I'll have a pot of jasmine tea and water, no ice please." Razor said.
The waitress wrote down her order then turned to Artex,
"Just a moment ma'am." he turned to Razor, "Do you drink wine?"
Razor quickly began to turn toward the wine section before Artex stopped her,
"The price doesn't matter."
Razor stopped and looked up with a puzzled expression,
"I... I've never had wine before."
Artex nodded, though he had not expected her answer,
"Do you like sweet drinks?"
"Sometimes." Razor answered unsure.
Artex nodded again,
"Certain wines go well with certain foods." he turned back to the waitress, "Would you wait for a minute or two please. We need to decide what we're having first."
The waitress bobbed,
"Of course Mr. Emissary."
Artex ignored the use of his title and began looking through the menu items: Grilled asparagus on a bed of steamed sunflower stems, shock-broiled temperate hay with creamy potato sauce, tulip fettuccine alfredo... the list went on and Artex quickly realized he could not easily eat many of the foods save for his altered biology. He decided to take a risk, he did adore asparagus after all.
"Ooh!" Razor purred, "They have kelvajin! I've always wanted to try traditional Minotaur food." she looked up at Artex, "It's a potato and turnip dish from Taurenvard. Very craggy land but the potato honey is THE best in the world."
Artex cocked his head to the side,
"Potato honey? How does that work?"
Razor looked at him as if he were speaking Greek,
"They harvest it from the potato bees?" she said slowly, "You know, potato bees? They burrow underground and use potato pulp instead of nectar or pollen for honey."
Artex blinked slowly,
"Potato... bees?"
Razor rolled her eyes,
"I'm just going to change the subject. You're obviously lost."
"... bees?"
"Just read the menu Artex." Razor sighed.
Artex shook his head and folded the menu,
"I'll have the grilled asparagus on a bed of steamed sunflower stems." Artex finally decided, "And to drink, I think we'll go with the ten year aged sweet blush please."
The waitress wrote down their orders then spoke up,
"We're presently overstocked on the blush and the chef has permitted an order of unlimited refills on it for an additional ten bits per customer."
Artex' eyes nearly sparkled,
"That will do nicely for the both of us, thank you." he turned back to Razor, remembering his manners, "Is that alright with you Razor?"
She decided to just bite the proverbial bullet,
"Yes, I've never had wine before, it sounds great."
Artex beamed happily,
"Thank you miss. That will be all for now."
* * *
"Good gracious!" Rarity whispered from her vantage point just beyond the window to Artex' back, "He just ordered an unlimited supply of wine with their meal. At least he chose something to compliment their dishes."
"Why would he order so much alcohol?" Fluttershy asked.
To everypony's surprise, it was Rainbow Dash who answered,
"Different wines are specifically made for different types of food in order to compliment their flavors. Each one is made a certain way and even their ingredients are altered in order to make the flavors either more robust or more subtle. There are wines for every kind of food, even meat. Artex chose a blush because of its semi-sweet flavor, fruity bite, and smooth finish. It's also one of the least alcoholic types of wine. He chose it for flavor more than anything and if Razor Wit has never had alcohol before, he was being nice in selecting a light wine with low alcohol to make her experience more enjoyable."
Everypony turned to stare in disbelief at their poly chromatic friend before turning back to the two diners.
* * *
"So," Artex began, "When I first started dating my wife, I used to ask about her family. Would you mind telling me about yours?"
Razor smiled warmly,
"Sure. My immediate family live in Trottingham. It's not far from New Humansville actually. If you look North-West from New Humansville and walk for about a day you'll be standing in Trottingham. It's not a huge town, but it's about three times the size of Ponyville. My Father and Mother live there along with my Petamines and my brother and sisters. I'm the eldest of five. What about your family?"
Artex cleared his throat,
"I have one brother and one sister, they are twins. My parents live in a city not far from the one where my wife and I live... lived. My sister, her husband, and their two boys and little girl lived close to us and my brother lived in another city not too far away. My sister is a Mother of three and a psychologist, her husband is a structural engineer. My brother is a mechanical engineer with a great job. My Father works with computers... er complex calculating machines. And my Mother is a call-center operator... she takes messages for people. Out of my entire successful family, I'm the black sheep... the stupid one."
"Don't say that Artex. I don't think you're stupid at all. You might be a little dense sometimes..." she trailed off at his deadpan stare, "Alright really dense sometimes, but you've got a good heart and you're brave. You were the one who sought us out for help."
Artex waved his hand,
"I already explained that. I had the most fat and was the least likely to starve because I knew a little bit about camping."
Razor's ears quivered,
"You're not very good at taking compliments. Why do you talk down about yourself so much?"
Artex merely shrugged,
"Because what I say is true."
"Only from one perspective. From my perspective, you're a good person, a very good person." Razor retorted.
Artex snorted derisively,
"Yeah right."
"Stop that." Razor said flatly, "You are Artex. Why are you so hard on yourself?" she demanded quietly.
"Maybe because once I grew up I was told almost every day that I was the oldest and the biggest disappointment out of all of us." he said in a dead voice, "My brother and sister had the brains to be successful and the drive for it too. The only passion in my life was to protect people and I was happy doing it. Sure it didn't pay anywhere near enough, but I got to help keep people safe and to me, that mattered." his voice dropped to nearly a whisper, "It wasn't good enough for my family though. I mean, my brother and sister were nice enough not to rub their success in my face, but Dad... he once went to the funeral of one of the extended family and the only thing he could talk about when he and Mom returned, was how he could brag about my brother and sister, but when anybody asked about me, he was so embarrassed of me he merely said I was in 'the enforcement business'. I know they all love me, even Dad, in his own way, and I do miss them, but here I don't have to be compared to everybody else. I know I have a few good qualities, but I'm going to have to work on my... my confidence I guess." he shook his head sadly, "I'm sorry. I kind of go off on tangents when I talk about my family."
He puffed up his cheeks and blew out a pent up breath,
"Let's talk about something else. I've brought the mood down and I want to hear about foals. I want to know how foals are raised here in Equestria. I never really paid close attention to that before and I do want children... foals." he shook his head, "I'm never going to get used to saying that."
Razor giggled behind her hoof,
"I can understand that. It must be a real trick to adjust to a whole new set of terms especially when the meanings of those terms used to be in reference to animals. I'll be more than happy to help you though. With foals I'm fairly well acquainted with their care. I AM the eldest of five after all."
The wine arrived in two tall-stemmed glasses as did Razor's pot of tea. Razor poured herself a cup of the aromatic jasmine tea and Artex sipped the wine, 'Boy, they sure make this stuff weak. I'll take me hours to get a buzz off this. It should be alright for Razor though. It shouldn't be too strong.'
Artex drained his glass and set it down on the table,
"How about we talk about what I want and we compare it to what you want next." he cleared his throat, "I want foals, at least two. I want to have more than one but I want to be able to give each one enough of my time to make sure I won't ever neglect them. They will be mine and I need to make sure they know they are loved. If I have a daughter, it's my responsibility to be an example of what she should look for in a stallion when she grows up. If I have a son, it will be my responsibility to guide him and show him how to he honest, just, kind, stalwart, and wise. I will show them by example and by lessons. I had a fairly stern upbringing, but my parents were rarely abusive. They believed in spanking..."
"Wait," Razor interrupted, "What is 'spanking'?"
Artex pursed his lips and chose his words carefully,
"Spanking, if done properly, is using physical pain or the threat thereof to deter or correct bad behavior or choices. Using spanking properly, means there is no actual injury to the youngster."
Razor looked concerned,
"You need to be more specific Artex."
"My parents used a flat piece of wood to hit me on my hips. They kept the piece of wood, the 'paddle', in an out of the way place so that they would have to take time to retrieve it. The reason for that was to ensure they never used it in anger. They were far from perfect but the vast majority of the time they genuinely tried to do their very best for us."
Razor looked thoughtful, almost pensive,
"I don't know if I feel comfortable physically striking any foal for being naughty. Some parents do practice something like that, but my parents used different methods."
Artex quickly held up his hand,
"You mean 'doing naughty things'. I took the time to study developmental psychology. One of the things that really hit me hard was that since youngsters are still developing a sense of self, one should never, ever call them 'bad'. They could get it into their heads that they, as an individual are bad, instead of their actions and it could permanently affect their self-image and even arrest their mental development. The other thing that really stood out to me was that for any punishment to be effective, it must be swift, certain, and severe, yet appropriate."
Razor looked somewhat pleased,
"You've given this a lot of thought before now haven't you."
Artex nodded seriously as the waitress refilled his wine glass. He picked up the glass and drained it before the poor mare even left. She refilled his glass then left the bottle on the table while she went to prep a second.
"My wife and I had talked about it quite a bit. We were ready to start trying when I ended up here. We also talked about what we should do if one of us died. We both agreed that we should have the option to remarry if we wanted. Back on Earth, I've been declared dead for months. My wife has probably moved on and it's time I do the same." he admitted sadly.
Razor gazed at him sympathetically then slowly reached her left foreleg over the table top. Artex gratefully laced his fingers through the thousands of fine, tiny hairs and felt them close around his hand. They 'held hands' for several silent minutes before Artex worked up the courage to say what was on his mind.
"I hope I'm not too rusty at the whole dating thing. I have a bit of a record to maintain." Artex smiled.
Razor looked curious,
"What do you mean?"
"Every time I've gone out on a date with somebody, I've always ended up marrying them." Artex said with a smile as he gently rubbed his thumb on Razor's 'hoof'.
Razor's eyes bulged and her ears shot straight up,
"You..." she swallowed hard, "You shouldn't make jokes like that." she said averting her eyes.
Artex knew she was giving him a way out but decided to go with his gut,
"Who said I was joking?" he asked, voice almost a whisper.
Razor looked him dead in the eyes, searching for any sign that he was making a joke. She found none.
Her breath caught in her throat,
"You're... you really mean it?" she asked in a whisper, "You..."
Artex cut her off gently,
"I'd never even thought about it until today. Once Twilight suggested that we go on a few practice dates... I began to really think about it." he squeezed her hoof gently as he spoke, "I realized that... although I miss my wife... I'm happy to stay here because... because you're here with me." he tentatively reached out and caressed the side of Razor's cheek, "I realized that... I never want to be without you and... if I...if I have you with me... I... I can face... anything." he smiled warmly at the tan Unicorn mare, "I'm sorry it took me so long to see it... how about it, pretty lady?"
Razor's eyes watered as she grinned at him,
"Yes." she whispered hoarsely, "I think that... that sounds... really great."
Artex kept his voice low,
"I'm not asking you to marry me yet or anything... but I think you definitely deserve a chance. It would be my pleasure."
Razor blinked hard as her eyes betrayed her, happy tears spilling down her cheeks,
"I like the sound of that."
Artex pulled his hand from her cheek and used his thumb to wipe her tears,
"Then let's really talk about this." he said quietly, "Take a few minutes to pull yourself together... and let's have a serious discussion about what a future together looks like."
Razor nodded and sniffed,
"I need to use the little filly's room. Excuse me."
She rose from her chair before Artex could rise to pull it out for her and trotted to the bathroom.
* * *
Rarity sniffed as she dabbed her eyes with her handkerchief,
"I never would have guessed he already had feelings for her."
Fluttershy smiled hugely,
"That was so sweet."
Rainbow Dash held her hooves over Pinkie's muzzle to keep her sobs quiet as she bawled out rivers of tears.
Twilight just smiled,
"And to think, we were worried that she'd have trouble attracting him. She seems to have done so well enough on her own."
* * *
Razor trotted back to the table a few minutes later, just as the waitress brought out their meals,
"This looks really delicious." Artex commented as he drained the wine glass again, "I never would have thought that flower stems could smell so.good."
Razor smiled as she picked up her fork in the tiny hairs of her hoof,
"It does." her eyes drifted over to the wine, "You know what? I'm going to try some of this."
Artex glanced up quickly,
"Start with small sips. You haven't developed a tolerance for alcohol yet so anything alcoholic is going to affect you more."
Razor smiled at her date,
"Thanks for the concern Artex, but you're going through it like it's water. I think I'll be alright." she levitated the glass to her lips and took a tentative sip, "Mmm, this is... REALLY good!" without another word she upended the glass and all but chugged the contents.
Artex raised his eyebrows,
"Just be careful Razor. If you start to feel dizzy or woozy, you need to stop right away. I've seen what alcohol poisoning can do."
Razor smirked as she levitated the bottle over and refilled her glass,
"Alright I won't get too into it." she set the bottle down and took a bite of her dinner, "You know, I'm... I'm really glad that you... like me like that. In a romantic way I mean."
Artex smirked as he speared a piece of asparagus onto hos fork,
"I'm just glad you're willing to give this a try. Although, from your reaction I would think this is a dream come true for you."
Razor blushed deep crimson,
"I've actually had a crush on you for a while now. Twilight called me out on it after you left today. I was going to tell you later this evening, but then you went a beat me to it before we even ate." she said shyly.
Artex grinned impishly as he swallowed his asparagus, the flavor was very good,
"I meant what I said you know. Once I realized my attraction to you, it really clicked to me that we might have a real chance at a future together." he took another bite of his dinner before continuing, "I also meant what I said about a serious discussion. If we're thinking about making this really serious, we need to approach it from a logical standpoint before our emotions get too terribly involved. So, in light of that, I know from experience that every family argues and fights. It is a fact of life. You and I and any other mare we bring into our family will argue. What matters the most is to keep in mind that even if one of us or all of us are unhappy with the outcome, that we still care about everybody involved and don't lose sight of that. Does that sound good to you?"
Razor chewed her kelvajin while she gave the issue the appropriate amount of serious thought it deserved before answering,
"It does. Although keep in mind we may need time to cool off after a particularly rough fight."
Artex nodded as he swallowed a bite of his flower stems,
"Good point, I can't argue that one. Now I happen to know from experience that there are three things couples tend to fight about the most: money, sex, and children. Let's just go right on down the list here." he took a sip of his wine and continued, "First of all: the job. You and I are, I fear, going to be doing a bit of traveling and if we're romantically involved I don't know how I feel about playing opposite sides in a debate, like we've practiced. Especially if the outcome of that debate decides the fates and treatments of large numbers of my people. What if you and I have an argument the night before and it bleeds through to the debate? Furthermore, how are we supposed to start a family if we're traveling so much?"
Razor bit her lower lip, Artex really had given the topic some thought,
"I'm glad to see that you're taking this seriously. To counter your argument, first: we have to remain objective in the debates and I don't know about you but when I lived with my family, I liked to resolve my arguments before I went to bed. There is an old saying: never let the sun set on your wrath. I find it to be a good idea, besides I sleep terribly if I go to bed angry. Second: we don't have to start a family right away. We can wait until life has calmed down a bit. Three: even if we did start a family quickly, you know the average family in Equestria has several mares. While we're gone, the others could care for the foals. We could send them our pay. BELIEVE me, we make more than enough with just the two of us to pay for five other adults and several foals. Nopony else in the family would strictly need to work."
Razor tipped back her third glass of wine and poured herself another, suddenly feeling much more confident and open.
Artex let out a relieved sigh,
"That's a load off my mind, but there is one other problem. Please, please don't take offense to this Razor but... Kavim... I just don't... I don't find myself physically... longing for the Kavim body."
To his surprise, Razor chuckled,
"I certainly HOPE not."
Artex was floored,
"Huh?"
"You think I get anxious and giddy whenever you walk into the room? Don't kid yourself Artex. As far as good looks go and being pleasing to the eye, you have almost nothing." she cleared her throat as she downed another whole glass of wine, "Now your personality MORE than makes up for it, but trust me, I'll never have to worry about drowning in compliments about my husband's looks."
Artex blinked in confusion,
"So... you don't find me attractive?"
Razor finished off another glass of wine and poured another,
"Physically? Not in the least. Now, if we're talking about personality, you're solid GOLD. I'm not a shallow mare, I don't think, so your looks aren't what drew me to you. Looks fade to wrinkles and saggy skin, it's life's way, but a personality stays. You may be as ugly as a wart, but you have a good mind when you use it, a fantastic personality, steady income, you're dependable, family oriented, emotionally mature most of the time... you're pretty much ideal in EVERYTHING except looks. I can deal with that. If my husband's biggest flaw is that he's hideous, I can EASILY live with that."
"I... really don't know how to respond to that." Artex admitted.
Razor waved her left forehoof,
"Then don't. What makes you hunky is who you are, now what you look like. Who you are is what gives me the shivers and makes my hips tingle when you're around."
Artex picked up the wine bottle, only to notice a second and third behind it. He picked up each one and discovered they were all empty.
"Uh Razor, I think you've had enough wine tonight." he said carefully.
Razor smiled,
"You're probably right. You've got more experience than I do anyway. Hehehehe," she giggled quietly, "Both in and out of bed... ahahehehe."
Artex rolled his eyes,
"Oh lord."
"Aw come on Artex." Razor whined quietly, "I'm curious. What's it like?"
Artex had a bad feeling about the question, but his curiosity demanded satisfaction,
"What 'it' are you referring to?"
Razor leaned part way across the table,
"Being... in bed... together... with somebody you love."
Artex leaned back,
"That, my lovely lady, is a conversation for a different night I believe." he turned toward their waitress who was standing near the door to the kitchen, "Check please."
* * *
Applejack had joined the rest of the girls, completing the mane six as they trailed behind Artex and Razor,
"We need to get closer to them." Rainbow Dash hissed.
"No," Twilight said firmly, "Humans have better omnidirectional hearing than we do and their eyes are much better in the dark. We have to stay back."
The six mares snuck from building corners to bushes trying to keep up but making excessive amounts of noise while doing so.
* * *
"Let's go to the park." Razor suggested, "It's supposed to rain later on and I want to enjoy a nice romantic walk, just the two of us. The sky is still clear enough to see the stars."
Artex warmed to the idea immediately,
"You know, that sounds fabulous."
The two altered their course and arrived in the Ponyville Park a few minutes later. Artex was feeling somewhat ill at ease by the time they arrived. He kept hearing whispers and the rustling of bushes and he was absolutely certain there were eyes on he and his date. Nevertheless he wanted to make sure Razor enjoyed herself as much as possible, so he kept quiet and did his level best to stay aware and still enjoy his time with his best friend/girlfriend.
Razor seemed to get carried away in the park. She practically danced among the bushes and trees. Artex had to admit to being somewhat mesmerized by her. He had moved past her tempting backside and was more focused on the feeling in his chest as he watcher the young mare enjoy herself around nature. She eventually decided to stop in front of the pond set into the center of the park.
Artex removed his cloak and laid it out on the grass,
"Care for a soft seat?" he offered pleasantly.
Razor turned and looked down then smiled softly,
"I'd love to, but only if you join me." she cooed.
Artex chuckled, Razor was fun when she was tipsy,
"I wouldn't have it any other way."
He sat down beside the tan Unicorn mare and together they sat there and just enjoyed staring across the pond.
A tiny flash of yellow light caught Artex' attention,
"Was that a firefly?"
Razor blinked sleepily and leaned into his side,
"Might have been."
Suddenly it was like somebody flipped a switch. Fireflies began beaming their lights all across the park and over the pond. Razor gasped lightly and Artex smiled at the sight. He saw one of the little bugs flying nearby in the darkness and reached out his hand. He caught the firefly and held it down to Razor. She peered closely at the tiny bug and took a small breath. She pursed her lips and lightly blew out. The firefly caught the wind and flew off, away from the two sitting on the shore.
Razor leaned into Artex a little deeper and he slipped his left hand around her shoulders,
"This is beautiful." he whispered.
Two tiny light close together caught his attention as they floated past,
"Oh, looks like we aren't the only ones interested in romance tonight." he whispered at the two copulating bugs.
Razor giggled lightly,
"Look, there's another pair... and another... and another... oh dear."
Artex blinked at the veritable insectoid orgy going on around them,
"There's going to be a lot more fireflies here before too long." he chuckled.
* * *
Fluttershy was having a complete meltdown,
"Oh my... please... um... never-mind you're busy." she spotted another pair, "Um could you please not... oh I'm so sorry for interrupting." she saw another set and her eyes bulged, "Oh, um... that looks kind of awkward... oh my..." she saw another pair and peered closely, "Um if you don't mind... could you... oh, that was quick." she patted the disgruntled looking female firefly on the head, "Don't worry... I... I... I'm sure he'll get better with practice."
Pinkie Pie was giggling almost uncontrollably as two of the amorous bugs decided to make use of her mane,
"Hey, at least they're happy."
Twilight was busy taking notes on the reproductive habits of two that had landed on her muzzle. Rarity was swinging her tail, trying to dislodge the ones that decided to take up residency while Rainbow Dash was trying her hardest not to guffaw at Fluttershy's intense blush and Applejack just watched with an amused expression.
Thunder boomed overhead and Rainbow Dash gritted her teeth at the clouds that had rolled in while they were distracted,
"Those feather brains!" she hissed, "I told them to hold off until later."
* * *
Artex looked up at the sky with worry on his face,
"I think we should get going. The bugs would probably like their privacy."
Razor blushed at the insect burlesque show they were witness to and agreed,
"That's probably a good idea. We should hurry before the rain starts."
As if on command, a heavy downpour began right on top of them.
Artex quickly grabbed his cloak and flung it over his date,
"Come on," he said, already drenched after a few seconds, "Let's head back to the library." he reached down and picked up the startled Unicorn mare then burst into a run, heading back to the library tree.
Razor squeaked initially as Artex lifted her, but quickly calmed down when she realized what he was doing. Even though he was carrying her, his grip wasn't too tight or even uncomfortable. He had thrown the cloak around her in such a way as to shield her from the rain, she was completely dry the entire time. Her heart melted slightly at the noble gesture and she couldn't help but to snuggle deeper into his arms. By the time they reach the library, the wine, the lulling effect of Artex running, plus his arms around Razor, combined to draw her into a state of near sleep. She felt safe and secure. She couldn't describe why she felt the way she did, but she wasn't about to complain. Artex crouched down and opened the door, stepped inside, then closed it. He was soaked to the skin as he walked across the floor leaving puddles behind.
He crouched down and gently laid his bundle on the couch then peeled away the top of the cloak,
"Did you manage to stay dry in there Razor?" he asked awkwardly, "I'm sorry for picking you up, but I just wanted to get out of the rain."
Razor lifted her head and looked up at his soaked features,
"You're drenched all the way through."
Artex waved a hand,
"I'll live. I've been through much worse." he furrowed his brows and looked around, stopping when he saw the fireplace, "Since our romantic visit to the park ended up getting cut so short, how about I start up the fire? We can sit together..." he looked down at himself, "After I go get a towel."
He stood up and grabbed a pair of his boxer-briefs and a spare pair of trousers before heading upstairs to the bathroom. Razor smiled at him as she watched him go, 'It was a silly thing for him to do, but... it was really sweet at the same time.' she suddenly remembered the loaf of pumpkin bread she had made earlier for him and sighed sadly, 'At least one thing can still go right tonight.'
Razor didn't want to move. The couch was soft and Artex' cloak was warm. She lowered her head until the fabric brushed against her chin and inhaled his unique scent. It tingled her nostrils but it brought with it a sort of gentle comfort she already associated with him. His scent was relaxing and she closed her eyes as she breathed him in. She took several slow and long breaths to help soothe her nerves. The night had been a disaster, but she still had one thing that could go right. She opened her eyes as she felt a tiny speck of determination. She got down from the couch then turned around and lit her horn. She levitated the drippy cloak onto the coat rack by the door. She then turned to the kitchen, set on making cocoa and slicing up the pumpkin bread for Artex to enjoy. Suey was lying on her bed in the back of the kitchen and perked up the second Razor set hoof in the room. She wrinkled her snout a couple of times then laid her head back down as Razor smiled and opened the door of Twilight's refrigerator.
Her world came to a terrible screeching halt. A full quarter of the loaf of pumpkin bread was missing. A note had been left in the empty space where the bread had been. Razor picked it up with her magic and read it slowly,
Dear Twilight,
Thank you for leaving me the pumpkin bread, I recognize the smell from the stuff Pinkie bakes. Could you please let me know a little earlier next time? A note would have been helpful so I know whether or not to make dinner. I appreciate the thoughtful gesture and I'll see you in the morning.
Much thanks,
Spike
Razor's eyes watered as she stood there looking at the loaf of pumpkin bread that was missing a sizable chunk, 'It's ruined... I worked so hard on that and it's ruined. Can this stupid night get any worse?' In truth the loaf was still good, since only one fourth of it was missing, but the poor mare's somewhat alcohol addled brain didn't see it that way. All she could see was another failure. The loud clunk of the front door closing caused her to peek around the corner of the kitchen and into the front room, 'There goes any chance of cuddling by the fire.' Razor thought morbidly as she spotted Twilight, 'This is so stupid! Why can't anything go right!?' her frustration boiled over and she slammed the refrigerator door closed with a bang. A drippy Twilight drug herself into the kitchen half a second later. Her mane hung over her eyes obscuring her vision and her tail dragged behind her toting twigs and various debris it had collected along the way. She held her head low and peeked through a small spot where her mane didn't block her sight.
"Remind me to ask you to teach me that rain proofing spell tomorrow." Twilight answered quietly, "How could I go my entire life without learning something like that?" she whispered quietly to herself.
"Twilight?" Razor asked, staring at the fridge "I would have thought you were in bed already." she turned hear head slowly toward the soaked lavender Alicorn, "Did you know, you forgot to leave Spike a note about what he was supposed to do about dinner for himself? Well, he assumed the pumpkin bread was for him."
Silence reigned in the kitchen for more than a full minute as the two mares stared at one another. Finally Razor just decided to surrender, the evening was shot and there was no point in moping about it.
Razor sighed, the effects of the wine still in her system,
"You should go dry off. I'm sure Artex would be willing to hand you a towel from the bathroom." she said quietly
Twilight noticed through her drooping mane, that Razor looked glum, it didn't take a genius to figure out why,
"I guess tonight didn't exactly go as planned huh?"
Razor shook her head sadly,
"No, nothing did. I didn't confess to Artex, HE confessed to ME. Then I end up drinking way too much wine and probably looking like a total idiot. Then our romantic stroll in the park turned into a bug orgy, we got caught in the rain, which was supposed to hold off for another hour, then we make it home and poor Spike didn't know any better and ate a quarter of the pumpkin bread..."
Twilight placed a gentle, soaking we hoof on the tan Unicorn's back,
"That was my fault, I should have left him a note. I'm so sorry Razor."
Razor groaned in response, planting her face flat against the table.
"Twilight?" Artex' voice called from the doorway of the kitchen, "I guess you got caught in the rain too huh?" he tossed her a partially damp towel, "Here, you can use this one. What's wrong with Razor?" he asked in a concerned voice.
"Everything." Razor groaned, face still planted firmly into the top of the kitchen table.
"Are... you having second thoughts?" Artex asked hesitantly.
"No," Razor whined, "I just wanted tonight to be perfect."
Of all the reactions she could have expected from her boyfriend, laughter was probably the lowest on the list,
"Is that all?" he asked.
Razor raised her head, looking close to tears,
"Is that ALL!? I spent a lot of time trying to do things right for you and I asked Twilight and her friends to help and... and... and it all fell apart!" she was so frustrated she forgot to mention the pumpkin bread.
For the second time that night, Artex picked up a Unicorn. He carried her belly up and Razor was sure he would try to peek at her teats, but to her surprise, he kept his eyes ahead. He carried her over to the fireplace and set her down. He had already started it up before he went to the kitchen. A thick blanket had already been laid out on the floor, presumably by Artex. He set Razor down on the blanket, then knelt down beside her.
Artex' face softened into a sad smile as he put his hand on Razor's back,
"Listen, life doesn't play fair. If it did then I would still be on Earth with my wife." he reached down and tipped her chin upward with a finger, "But it's not all bad. Things could have been so much worse. One of us could have gotten food poisoning, or the fireflies could have been mosquitoes, or we could have been hit by lightning. We still have the rest of the night to enjoy. Nothing goes the way you plan it to, but you just make it into what you want it to be. And I want tonight to be a night where I cuddle with the mare I think I love. There's nothing on this world that can stop me, either. It may not be perfect, but it's ours. Come here." he pulled her into a hug, pressing the side of her head into his bare chest, "How about I make us something to drink then we can cuddle up in front of the fire together. How does that sound?"
Razor gently pulled away from his embrace and nodded, sniffling,
"That sounds... perfect."
She sat there gazing into the crackling flames while her boyfriend made up two mugs of cocoa for them. She thought about what he said, how the night could have been so much worse, 'He's right. There are a thousand ways it could have gone wrong, at least we still have this: the warm fire and good company.' a small smile played at her lips, 'Who would have thought that kind of deep thinking could have come from him? We don't give him enough credit.'
"Hey Razor," Artex called from the kitchen, "I was looking around and I found this loaf of pumpkin bread that Twilight apparently left for Spike, if this note is any indicator. I love pumpkin bread, do you think he would mind if I carved a couple of pieces for us to share?"
Razor Wit could not help but to roll her eyes at his question and suddenly his statement meant just that much more to her as she smiled at his ignorance,
'It may not be perfect, but it's ours.' she thought.