//------------------------------// // The Worst Night Ever // Story: My Little Pony: Friendship is Absurd // by Lord Seth //------------------------------// “Here we are at the Gala!” declared Trixie. “Yes,” said Sunset flatly. “We are indeed at the Gala. I could not have possibly known that we were at the place we were preparing to go to and spent a while traveling to if you didn’t mention it.” “Glad to be of help!” “All right!” declared Suri with a manic grin. “This is it! Finally I’m here! Now I can finally succeed at my goal!” “Goal?” wondered Sunset. “Oh, right, I never got the chance to tell you in all of that chaos over the tickets. I am going to woo the heck out of Prince Blueblood.” “Blueblood? Isn’t he that notoriously unpleasant and stuck-up stallion who isn’t even technically prince but for reasons that haven’t been revealed retains that title and privilege?” asked Trixie. “Why in the world would you want to do that? Why would you want a relationship with him?” “Relationship? Ha!” said Suri. “All I have to do is get him to like me just enough to endorse and/or wear some of my designs, and they’ll completely take off! Then I’ll dump him like the rotten banana he is.” Lightning Dust stared. “Rotten banana?” “All right!” declared Flim. “Time for Shark Den!” “Hooray,” said Gilda without a trace of emotion. “Hey, so what were you planning to do here anyway?” asked Trixie. “I mean, you’re the only one of us who didn’t bother to dress up.” “You know what?” interrupted Flim. “I think this is a great opportunity for us to express or re-express our goals in the form of a song!” “No!” said everyone else simultaneously. “Fine,” muttered Flim. Sunset spotted Sombra. “There is he. Maybe I can take the opportunity to impress him enough to get that promotion I want.” Without further ado, the seven split up. Suri looked around for Blueblood. “He must be somewhere,” she said to herself. Soon she spotted him. “Okay, Suri. It’s the most obnoxious prince that’s ever lived. Time to make a good first impression.” She went up to him. In the most pleasant voice she could manage, she asked, “Why, hello, Prince Blueblood. Would you like to spend some time together?” Blueblood stared at her for a few seconds before simply stating, “No.” He then walked off. Suri frowned. Clearly this was going to take more work than she hoped. “All right,” said Trixie to herself, “time to impress everypony here.” Trixie ran up to the stage where several musicians were performing. “Attention everypony!” she announced. “The Great and Powerful Trixie is here to show you amazing feats!” Whatever Trixie’s amazing feats were will be lost to the ages, because several guards quickly grabbed her and started removing her from the floor. “Hey!” she protested. “Let me go!” “Sorry, but you were clearly making a disturbance. We have to remove you.” “Fight the power!” screamed Trixie. “Fight the–” She was cut off as the doors slammed shut. Upper Crust turned around. “Did something happen? I thought I heard some shouting.” Jet Set shrugged. “Maybe somepony was just being a little loud.” Lightning Dust made her way to an area where a high number of Wonderbolts appeared to have gathered. She looked around, trying to see a good opportunity to make a good impression. One soon did in the form of accidentally dropping his pie. “My pie!” he exclaimed. If I grab that, that’ll make me look good! thought Lightning Dust to herself. She lunged to try to grab it… only to be cut off by a rainbow-maned pegasus who caught it first, causing her to instead skid straight into a wall. “Ow,” she said. After she managed to clear her head, she looked back to see the aforementioned pegasus joining the Wonderbolts in what looked like a VIP area. “Rainbow Dash… you again,” she growled. “My archrival gets the best of me again!” “Uh, you know that she doesn’t even know who you are, right?” asked Trixie. “Trixie?! Where did you come from?” “Oh, well, I got kicked out for being disruptive, but I totally snuck back in.” “Well, you’re an expert at getting noticed,” said Lightning Dust. “How would you suggest I go about getting their attention?” “You could–” “In a positive manner,” added Lightning Dust quickly. Trixie made a face. “That’s a tougher one.” Flim and Flam looked around. “This place is big. Where could the Shark Den auditions be?” Flim asked. Flam spied a sign. “There!” he said. “It says ‘This way to Shark Den’ with an arrow pointing in said direction. That must be it!” The two followed the sign and soon came across a long line of ponies. “Oh boy,” said Flam, “I can’t wait. If we can pass this audition, exposure will be ours!” “So King Sombra either said ‘Welcome to the Gala, and I hope you have a good time’ or ‘Soon you will all be under my iron dominion,’” said Sunset. “You don’t know which one?” the griffon asked. Sunset shrugged. “Probably the first?” This appeared to satisfy the griffon, as he then left. Sunset desperately hoped she was translating Sombra’s charades correctly. Her performance could mean the difference between getting out of Ponyville or remaining stuck there. “Erm,” she said to the next guest, looking at the complicated set of gestures Sombra was engaging in. “I think what Sombra is trying to express here is either ‘I’m glad you could make it’ or ‘This entire night is nothing but a farce.’” Suri watched as Blueblood entered the gardens. She quickly went in after him, trying to remain inconspicuous. When he walked towards a rose bush, she leaped into action, grabbing a rose and presenting it to him. “Would you like this?” she asked. “It does go with my eyes,” he said as he took it. He then wandered off, leaving Suri standing there awkwardly. Okay, thought Suri to herself, I guess he needs even more buttering up. “Are you sure this is going to work?” asked Lightning Dust. “It seems like it could backfire.” “Nonsense!” declared Trixie. “It’s foolproof! And I’m the one taking the real risk in hitting the guy; you just have to catch him. Then the Wonderbolts will see your act of heroism and thing you’re awesome.” “Yeah, surprised me you would volunteer for something like that,” said Lightning Dust. “Seems oddly selfless of you.” “Hey, I already got kicked out. Can’t make things worse for myself. Might as well have some fun.” “Okay,” said Lightning Dust, “give it a go.” Trixie slammed into one of the guests. Lightning Dust quickly sprang into action, making a dive to try to catch him. However, this attempt resulted in her slamming into a wall again due to Rainbow Dash saving the guest in time. “Look at the cute little mice,” slurred Lightning Dust before collapsing. Trixie looked at the nearby Wonderbolts, who hadn’t even taken notice of the rescue. “Enh, wouldn’t have worked anyway.” The line moved at a glacier’s pace. Well, maybe not quite that slow, but it was slow nevertheless. “Wow, who knew how many people wanted to try out for Shark Den,” observed Flam. “Wait, what?” asked someone else standing in line. “This isn’t the line to try out for the Shark Den show. This is the line to see a den of sharks. That’s the line for Shark Den.” They pointed towards a much longer line going in another direction. Flim and Flam sighed and joined the other line. “Why would so many even want to see a den of sharks?” Flim wondered. “Wait, that’s the line for that?” asked the person in front of them. “I’m in the wrong line, then. Hey, everypony! The line to see the den of sharks is that way!” A mad stampede resulted in the other direction, trampling Flim and Flam. “At least the line is shorter now,” mumbled Flim as he got up. Suri observed Blueblood about to open a door. She quickly ran up and opened it for him. “Huh, thanks,” he said. “You know, you’ve been awfully helpful all evening.” “Just showing proper respect to a prince!” said Suri. “Yes, there has been a lack of that towards me,” Blueblood said huffishly. “One would think that a distant relative of a deposed monarch would attract more respect. Care to join me?” Yes, thought Suri, finally things are looking up! “This seems even more unlikely to work than the previous plan,” said Lightning Dust dubiously. “What do you have to lose?” asked Trixie. “Well, they could dislike me, and I’d be guaranteed to not get into the Wonderbolts.” Trixie considered that. “Enh,” she said. “Anyway, I’ll provide a distraction to hopefully get some attention for myself, then you can just go talk to them.” “Why are you repeating the plan I already know?” asked Lightning Dust. “Posterity,” replied Trixie. “Now watch!” Trixie walked into the center of the room and loudly declared, “Observe the Great and Powerful Trixie!” She then performed several magic tricks. Attention was taken off the Wonderbolts, leaving them open. Lightning Dust took the opportunity to approach them. “Hi!” she said. “I’m Lightning Dust!” “Weren’t you the one who made that tornado during that competition?” asked one of the Wonderbolts. “Seemed to be reckless endangerment.” “Well, uh, yeah,” stammered Lightning Dust. “But I did correctly identify the fake baby, even if someone else got all the credit for that.” “Well, that was something,” admitted the Wonderbolt. “So, what did you want?” “Just to hang out, I guess.” The Wonderbolt shrugged. “Seems okay.” Awesome! thought Lightning Dust to herself. Finally getting somewhere! Trixie, meanwhile, seemed to actually be attracting some positive attention. “Maybe I can get some gigs out of this after all,” she said to herself. After what seemed like an eternity but was probably just a long time, Flim and Flam had reached the audition area. “Well, here’s to hoping our well-rehearsed pitch will get us on the show!” said Flam. Sunset wasn’t great at reading Sombra’s mood, but as far as she could tell he didn’t seem upset at her. She didn’t have too much time left before someone else took over for her in regards to the translation. If she could do the job until then, she’d surely at least rise slightly in Sombra’s graces. “All right!” said Thunder Strike as he, Stormy Skies, and Maelstrom Tempest entered the main room. “This time no lousy laws of physics will stop us. The Shadowboltz will attain the glory they deserve!” “I still think we should’ve stuck with Team Shadowbolt,” complained Stormy Skies. “That Z just looks stupid. And it’s not like more than just a handful even knew that was our name; we could still introduce ourselves as such and no one would think of that whole Cloudsdale incident.” “Silence!” declared Thunder Strike. “That’s not what’s immediately important. What is important is that we enact our plan correctly to make ourselves look great and have everypony like us, which is step one towards us taking over Equestria! It took a lot of effort to get those Gala tickets, and I do not want it to be wasted.” “I will admit,” said Stormy Skies, “this plan is better than the last one.” “Okay,” said Thunder Strike, “now for step one, we… wait, what’s that sound? Sounds like rushing water.” The three, along with everyone else, suddenly found themselves swept up in a giant wave of water. “Oh, come on,” said Gilda outside of the castle. “There’s got to be a way to rescind–” “I told you,” interrupted the other griffon, “it’s not easy to shorten these things. Maybe if you–” This time the other griffon found himself interrupted by a large torrent of water depositing a huge number of guests onto the lawn. “Huh,” said Gilda as she looked at the wet and bedraggled ponies, griffons, and other species. “Glad we talked out here. I wonder what happened.” With the Gala canceled due to the castle being overrun with water, the seven ended up going to a restaurant instead after they managed to drive themselves off. “Ugh,” said Suri. “So close to winning over Blueblood.” “So close to possibly getting on Shark Den,” muttered Flam. “So close to fame and fortune,” complained Trixie. “Meh,” said Gilda. “Who knows if any of you would have succeeded anyway, from what you’ve told me.” “What were you doing, anyway?” asked Sunset. “Seeing if I could get my banishment revoked earlier than schedule,” said Gilda with a shrug. “Wait, banishment?” “Oh, guess I never told you. I kinda got banished from griffon lands a few years ago. See, there was this prank I pulled that kinda ended with the leader of the country getting a wedgie, and he didn’t take it well. So I got kicked out for a while.” “That’s why you’re living in Ponyville?” “You think I’d be there if I had a choice in the matter?” Gilda asked. “Well,” said Sunset, “if there’s anything I think we can all agree on, that’s that this was the worst night ever.” “I’ve had worse nights,” said Suri. “There was this one time where I got kidnapped by these diamond dogs, and–” “Don’t care,” said Sunset. “But fine, if we add up all of our experiences, then it was the worst night ever for us a group. At least I don’t have to write up a letter about it. Incidentally, I do wonder what caused all that water.” “Well, so much for that brilliant plan,” said Stormy Skies sarcastically. “Took me forever to get dry.” “Hey!” protested Thunder Strike. “That was totally a brilliant plan. Not my fault all that water came bursting out. How was I supposed to account for that? And what even caused that?” “Oh, I did ask about it. It seems somepony got every toilet in the entire castle to flush simultaneously, causing a buildup in the pipes that caused them to explodes.” “How the heck can anypony flush every single toilet simultaneously?!” Stormy Skies shrugged. “Apparently they hooked up something to all of the individual toilets to make them flush at a designated time. Probably required at least two people to make it happen though.” “Why?” Stormy Skies rolled her eyes. “Because you needed a female to set it up for the girls’ toilets and a male to set it up for the guys’ toilets.” “Hrm,” said Maelstrom Tempest. “So, Gilda, did you think it was worth it?” asked a griffon, not to be confused with the griffon Gilda was talking to earlier. “The interruption did mean you didn’t get a chance to try to get yourself un-banished earlier.” “Who cares?” asked Gilda. “That probably wouldn’t have worked anyway. And seriously, Gilbert, I will never get a chance to pull a prank that great again. Totally worth it. My only regret is that I can’t ever let anyone know I was the one who did it without getting into way bigger trouble than I want. By the way, thanks for your help.” “Man, that was just like old times,” Gilbert said. “Next time I visit Equestria or you come back, we’ll have to do something like this again. Was it as hard for you to not laugh when you saw the results?” “Horribly,” said Gilda. “I had to struggle so hard to remain composed or else I might give away the fact I did it.” There was a pause. “So… uh… bye?” asked Gilbert. “Man, ending conversations can be hard.” “Yeah,” agreed Gilda. “Ah well. Pulled off my best prank ever and with no consequences. Best night ever.” A few days later… “Extra extra!” shouted the pony trying to sell papers. “Read all about it! Griffon leader gets so angry about the water catastrophe at the Gala he was attending that he decides to extend all banishments for several additional years!” Gilda sighed. “I hate my life,” she said.