The Elements of Awesomery

by PresentPerfect


Whisperlite's Wonderful Day

Whisperlite's Wonderful Day
by PartyPartyParty99

It was a bright, sunny, beautiful, calm, and -- most importantly -- peaceful day in Pony City. Those didn't happen all that often. I mean, that place gets attacked or blown up by stuff figuratively every other day! (Literally, every other week.) Whisperlite was taking full advantage of the tranquility to play with bunnies and stuff in Pony City Park.

The yellowy pegasus was wearing a white sun bonnet and a pale dress that her friend Fashionface had made for her. The lacy hem flounced and rippled in the sunlight as she cavorted with bunnies, squirrels, and a couple of deer. Her laughter, figuratively like pearls of purest white against a golden chime, sounded across the glades, welcoming all the animals to join her. She smiled and skipped and twirled in the sunlight, in absolute, unshakable, literal bliss.

That's when the demon showed up.

Whisperlite didn't notice him at first, for some particularly persnickety ladybugs had gained her full attention, so he cleared his throat.

Instantly, all the creatures of the woodland went stiff as figurative boards. As one, they turned to look at the demon, then scattered into the trees. The light golden pegasus took a few moments to notice this had happened because ladybugs, dammit. When she finally looked up, she beheld the big, scary, literally-just-arrived-from-the-underworld demon, and gave him figuratively the biggest smile ever.

"Wonderful to see you again, Miss Whisperlite," the demon said in a haughty accent. His name was Beelzegard, by the way. His homies called him B-Money.

The pink-maned pegasus gave him a little curtsey and giggled. She literally wasn't the teensy-tiniest bit afraid of him, even though he was big and muscly and smelled like brimstone, which smells like mega doo-doo in case you didn't know. (Bet you didn't expect that, did ya, sucka?)

Anyway, Whisperlite said something back to him, and he could hear it with his demon hearing, which was as sharp as a figurative roomful of tacks. He could literally hear a fly land on the wall. It kept him up nights. He clapped his hands together and produced a basket out of nowhere, with a flash of fire.

"Shall we begin?"

The amber pegasus nodded, smiling with the figurative light of ten suns. It was enough to make B-Money's evil heart literally pitter-patter.

"Hnng!" he hnnged, and fell over clutching his chest. But he was a smooth operator, and just landed on his side with his head propped up in one hand. The basket, which he'd been holding, flipped up and opened, spilling its contents over the grass in a perfect picnic spread. The pegasus with a coat like the sun squealed and clapped her fuzz scrubbers, smiling like a piece of amber that looked like a happy face.

"Lunch is served!" said the demon.

On the pink and white checkered picnic blanket was a black candelabra, already lit, dripping blood-red wax all over. It gave the proceedings a homey air. The spread was literally one of the best Whisperlite had ever seen. Cucumber sandwiches with real cucumbers! Finger sandwiches with real fingers! Tea cakes, tea cookies, tea scones and actual tea! Cream buns and donuts and fruitcake with no nuts! Also salad. She sat down on her flufferbuttle and dug in.

Meanwhile -- in the background -- Wondercloud Lightningbolt, Johnniepear, Midnight Twinkle, Sugar Rush and Fashionface ran past, yelling war cries and shooting lasers at a Cerbutterflerberus, which is a giant butterfly monster with three heads that shoot fire. They zoomed past the idyllic picnic scene and disappeared into the forest.

Beezlegard cupped a hand to his ear.

"Dear me, did you hear something just now?"

The flaxen pegasus flipped her floppity loppities and shook her head. No sir, she had indeed not heard a thing just then.

The demon shrugged and sipped at his tea, pinky finger readily extended past the teacup's edge. "How do you like the food?" he asked his saffron companion. "My mother helped me prepare it."

Whisperlite looked up from the bowl of berries and cream she'd shoved her booplesnoot into. She scraped it clean with her lickitytickler and gave him the figuratively biggest smile ever, as if to say, It's really good, my compliments to the chef.

"I'm so glad you like it!" he squealed, patting the blanket instead of clapping, so as not to upset his tea. "Shall I tell you about the latest gossip from the underworld, dear? The situation with Xmyltrgz and Ms. Deathfang Thousandeyes, Scourge of the Planes is heating up, if you get my drift."

He tittered and made that winky thing with his eyebrows that means two ponies are doing it. Whisperlite didn't really notice because she was too busy vacuuming up them berries, aw yeah.

The demon chuckled. "Well, Rogntharg the Defiler told me that Zzzzzrrp Pitchforkson told him..."

Meanwhile -- in the background again -- Wondercloud Lightningbolt, Johnniepear, Midnight Twinkle, Sugar Rush and Fashionface ran past, screaming and peeing a little as the Cerbutterflerberus chased them back the other way. They vanished once more into the other side of the forest.

Beelzegard frowned. "Whisperlite, dear, I am certain I heard something just now."

The citrine pegasus sighed and nodded, mumbling something about friends.

"But don't worry," she said, actually audible to the narrative for once, "I'm sure they won't bother us again."

Something told Beelzegard she was probably wrong, but he was a good guy, for a demon, and willing to trust the word of a friend.

They remained on edge for literally five minutes, but when nothing else untoward happened, they relaxed and got back into the picnic spirit of things. The topaz flypony stuffed her gob with delectable delights of the underworld. Beelzegard regaled her with tales of his latest manicure. Whisperlite got distracted by some chipmunks because her special talent is frolickiiiiing~. Yes, everything was quite toward indeed.

Then -- all of the suddens! -- their idealicious idyll was interrupted by a horde of rampaging ponies and one ornery butterfly. The pegasus who was goldenrod and carnation (the pink kind, not the red) was so startled, she fell right on her poof loof. The demon was scared into casting a hex, and with a shout of "Pfthgangqrt!", he made the Cerbutterflerberus vanish in a puff of fire and brimsmoke.

"Oh, man!" cried Wondercloud. "Whisperlite, your dumb demon friend ganked our kill!"

"A-and I'd do it again, too!" Beelzegard said, wiping his brow with a plaid handkerchief. (It was an eeeevil handkerchief.) "The nerve of you ponies, interrupting a peaceful afternoon luncheon with your... your moth monster!"

"Butterfly!" cried Midnight Twinkle snootily.

"Y'all best hush yer mouth'n's," sed Johnniepear, "afore we hushens it fer ya'n. Ah reckon."

"Yeah," added Fashionface, "you best habeeb we can get phat lewts and XP off yo' black ass!" She totally said 'phat' with a 'ph'.

Beelzegard looked like he'd taken a back. "Well, I never!"

The tension between the ponies and the demon was broken with the figuratively knife-sharp cut of a taxicab-minus-checkers pony shouting, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

All heads turned to Whisperlite. Her sides heaved as she panted through gritted teeth. Her eyes were red-rimmed, and her wings stuck straight up. The ponies cowered as she turned eyes filled with figurative fire (jalapeno-spicy, no less!) on them. Even Beelzegard cringed a little.

"All I wanted was to have a nice picnic with my friend, but you bastards can't even give me one fucking day to myself!" Whisperlite howled. "You have to come along with your DUMB FUCKING MONSTER and ruin EVERYTHING?" She started to shake.

"WHY CAN'T YOU FUCKERS LEAVE ME ALONE FOR ONCE?"

Loosing an unearthly howl, her form twisted and bubbled. Her cutie mark grew an eye, and then a whole bunch more. The ponies backed up a step or three, but it didn't matter. Whisperlite's xanthic hide split in two, ruining her lovely sundress, and an ethereal mass of black eldritch tentacles sprang forth. The ponies' eyes glowed with ancient starlight as they beheld their ends. Beelzegard stood slack-jawed, staring at the unreal sight before him.

"Mommy?"

Whisperlite unmade the world in her fury.

It of course came back, because otherwise how could they have finished their picnic, silly? They polished off the cucumber sandwiches (the finger sandwiches went sadly untouched; B-Money would later realize he should have known better), and sang a friendship song. The pegasus, who was the same color as a certain condiment that is not ketchup, thanked her demon friend for a lovely time, and he just nodded and gave her the literally gentlest of hugs, unwilling to say anything lest it draw her ire once more. He would not sleep for a week. Whisperlite went on to frolic with some fawns and groundhogs and a badger or two. It was adorable.

Oh, and it took a story, but the ponies got better. The end!

A/N: In case you forgot, that's the same demon from the fiiirst storyyyy! I like him, he's silly! :D


Pinkie Pie stood in the library's door, watching a pink tail and yellow wings recede into the distance. With a small shrug and a 'hm', she gently closed the door and turned back to Twilight, who regarded her with a look of mixed amusement and pity.

"I don't get it," Pinkie said, expression hovering between disappointment and confusion, "was it something I wrote?"

Twilight sighed. "You did sort of paint Fluttershy's alter ego as having severe emotional issues. Not to mention you went from cute slice of life to surreal horror in under two thousand words."

Pinkie grinned at her. "I'm trying something different! And Fluttershy really does have an anger problem. I mean, do you remember the gala? Sheesh!"

Twilight rolled her eyes. "How could I forget? Anyway, Pinkie, I don't think that making light of her problem will help solve it."

Pinkie turned back toward the door, as though she could see through it. Her tail swished a few times. "Yeah. You're probably right. I just won't show her my fics anymore."

"That's probably for the best." Twilight chewed on her lower lip a second, eyes scanning the ground. "Oh, and Pinkie?"

Pinkie whirled around, all smiles. "Yes, Twilight?"

"It's clear to me that you understand the difference between 'literal' and 'figurative' now." She blew an exasperated raspberry. "So you can knock it off."