"Hoot!" Owlowicious said.
He'd gotten much better at sounding like, well, an owl, since he'd first arrived in Equestria. Ah, that had been so long ago, and he and his friends, Spike the Dragon and Twilight the Alicorn, had been through so much together since then. You see, he wasn't always an owl, nor was he originally from this universe. It all started during a very odd, scary, horrifying... and rather ridiculous... Halloween long ago...
In the small town of Teufort, New Mexico...
"The bomb ain't movin', lads!" the BLU Sniper called to his team mates.
Scout was running in circles, ghosts chasing after him. Demoman was furiously waving that cursed sword of his around, trying to flay the image of that ghostly, and rather incompetent, wizard, Merasmus. The rest of the Builder's League United, or BLU, team was, to his disbelief, actually managing to shoot at something non-supernatural, the Reliable Excavation and Demoliton, or RED, team, namely the ones standing non-nonchalantly around the cart the BLU's were SUPPOSED to be pushing towards the RED base. They stood there, next to the BLU rail-cart mounted bomb, laughing at the BLU's; from behind the bomb, they hid behind their Engineer's sentries and chortled as their Medic's medigun made even the faintest scratch they received vanish into thin air.
The BLU Sniper would show them what taunting his team, and him, would get them.
"Standin' around like a bunch of idiots..." the Sniper groaned, taking aim with his trusty hunting rifle.
The New-Zealand born, Australian-raised hunter took aim at the first target he could see, the RED Medic, who was laughing in that annoying cackle of his as red bursts of healing energy shot out of his medigun.
"Steady... Steady..." the BLU Sniper whispered, taking aim.
He held is breath, concentrating hard.
He reached for the trigger, exhaling slowly as he did.
He was in the zone, he'd make the shot.
"Too slow, medicine woman!" he said, aligning his cross-hairs with the RED Medic's forehead.
All he had to do now, was pull...
"Oi! Merasmus! Go back to whatever hole ye' done crawled out from this time!" Demoman cried out, swinging at the bumbling wizard.
Sniper dropped his aim as his drunken Scottish team mate flung explosives at the wizard.
Merasmus merely floated out of the way, the bombs ricocheting off the nearest wall, bouncing up into the air... and landing promptly behind the BLU sniper, the adopted Australian being sent flying by the blast straight into the wizard's path.
"Ha ha! I'll show you, fool!" Merasmus laughed, charging a spell.
A large wheel suddenly appeared above the haunted battlefield, spinning in circles like some floating haunted parody of a game show.
"The wheel of misfortune! The wheel!" Merasmus screamed as the wheel's spinning slowed. "Come on, wheel... Merasmus needs this..."
The wheel stopped, the desolate ringing of an old church bell sounding in the distance. The area around the mercenaries, RED and BLU suddenly lit up, the ground shaking as glowing green arcane power shot through the landscape. Fissures arose in the dusty soil, screams of the dead echoing through them as mercs on both sides began screaming and running for their lives.
"Ha ha!" Merasmus went on. "You will now suffer at the wrath of... Wait, wha?"
The wizard looked up at the wheel, the arrow pointing to an image distinctly resembling a bird.
"Dead birds?" Merasmus groaned.
He really wasn't the most competent wizard on the planet.
The screams turned to squawks as the ghosts shooting up out of the fissures took on a rather distinctly feathered shape. One by one, with a comical "POOF!" the ghosts became transparent, spiritual birds, each one squawking and hooting, flying up into the night sky. The mercenaries were dumbfounded. Most looked on, flabbergasted--save for the Spies, who merely groaned at the ridiculousness of it all--as their ghostly attackers merely flew off into the night sky.
The BLU Sniper, currently being airborne, got a different view, namely the view one gets as they're carried up towards a giant floating wheel by a bunch of undead fowl.
"GYAHHHH!" the Sniper yelled, slamming into Merasmus' giant wheel as the birds carried him up.
With a green blast of energy, wheel and bird and mercenary vanished, the rather annoyed wizard merely teleporting away as the drunken, one-eyed Scotsman kept on flailing his possessed sword.
Sniper felt himself being twisted and pulled as the wheel and birds became a torrent of ghostly energy around him. He was blown through the very fabric of reality, screaming as the maelstrom of ectoplasm grew bright and loud. With a final blast, all went silent, the BLU team's Sniper passing out as he felt himself land on somewhat damp grass...
Morning soon came, Princess Celestia raising the sun as she had done for more than a thousand years now. Near the small town of Ponyville sat the edge of the mysterious Everfree forest, a place so dark and shrouded in chaotic energy that few dared approach. If one had been around though, they might have heard the sound of a distinctly Australian accent, namely one put out by a being that had been screaming as they fell from the sky in a green fireball of energy before promptly crashing into the ground.
Sniper awoke from his impact-induced sleep, his ears ringing as he surveyed the scorched crater around him. He'd been blasted, shot at, and blown up plenty of times before, to be sure, but nothing ever along these lines. To make things worse, his clothes were more or less destroyed, save for his wide-brimmed hat and glasses, and his rifle was nowhere to be seen. When he saw that blasted undead wizard again, so help him...
The mercenary continued to look around, not seeing any trace of his team mates, or for that matter even the battlefield they'd been fighting over. All he saw around him were very, very tall trees, a refreshing sight from the deserts of Teufort to be sure, but definitely not where he should have been. Climbing out of the crater, the BLU Sniper noticed that he didn't quite feel like himself. Every movement seemed off-balance and wobbly, almost like he was waddling rather than walking.
Clamoring away from the debris, he noticed a pool of water.
"Maybe a drink might do me some good, 'specially after that," he muttered.
The BLU Sniper walked--waddled--his way to the pool looked into the reflective, clear surface... and promptly screamed.
"I HAVE AN OWL HEAD!" the outdoors-man shrieked, noticing his face, and for that matter the rest of him, had become distinctly avian.
It was then that the Sniper did what any professional, upstanding assassin from down-under would do; he ran off into the woods, tripping over his own limbs, not stopping for anything or anyone.
"This can't be real... No, it ain't happnin' no way! No way!" He yelled to himself.
The Sniper started to become hysterical as he tried to convince himself, in vain, that this was all some horrid dream. He began to wave his arms, now wings, in a panic, his manifested fear growing worse as he realized he'd taken off. Now flying, the Sniper winced as branches and leaves hit him as he rocketed past, the foliage stinging as it collided with his downy body.
Just outside of the haunted woods, a yellow pony was caring for her collection of animal friends, a white rabbit, annoyed and stuck-up yet still loyal as ever, aiding her as she went along.
"Ah, there we go," Fluttershy said in her soft, gentle tone. "That's enough for everyone. Thank you ever so much for all your help, little Angel Bunny."
The rabbit pridefully smiled.
"HOOOOOOT! HELP! GYAHHHHH!" a panicked voice shouted out.
The animals scattered at the loud sound, Fluttershy looking around, worried, what sounded like an injured creature. Angel went on the defensive, the rabbit jumping in front of the yellow pony, drawing a carrot as if the vegetable were a sword. The two didn't have to wait long as a brown mass of feathers darted past them, crashing with the sound of breaking pottery and flatware as the BLU Sniper sailed through Fluttershy's open front door and straight into her cupboard.
Nervous and scared, the pony ran inside, rabbit in pursuit, and promptly placed a hoof over her mouth as she beheld a rather dazed and bruised owl slowly falling out of the ruins of her dishes, the bird landing on the floor with a soft thud.
"Oh dear... Goodness, no!" Fluttershy squeaked, the kindly equine hating to see any living thing hurt.
She trotted over to the owl, picking the slightly injured bird up in her wings.
"There there," she said, "I'll make sure you heal up, Mr. Owl."
The Sniper merely groaned, still in a daze.
Several days passed, the newly-avian BLU Sniper recovering quickly. His wounds outside had healed, but the adopted Australian still burned inside. He'd make sure to put more than one bullet through that wizard's head when he got back, he'd make sure of it.
"That blasted, floating, ghostly son of a..." he muttered to himself, pacing back and forth on Fluttershy's coffee table. "First ghosts, then explosions, plus a weird spinning tornado made of who-knows-what, and now... talking ponies... ain't life as a mercenary grand? Maybe dad was right; maybe I should have just been a doctor and left it at that..."
The talking bird felt a groan in his stomach. It had been a while since he'd had a proper meal, aside from the ones his equine caretaker had provided for him. Raiding the fridge was out of the question; he might be a mercenary--and an owl--but he was still quite the professional. No, he'd take care of his own eating needs. After all, he'd hate to upset the one who had nursed him back to health, especially after noticing how timid and emotional the pony was, and how many animals she cared for... all the creatures that she loved and catered to without even a second thought. The way she looked after him, and them, touched the Sniper deep inside. He knew right then and there what this mare must be doing with them all. After all, what other purpose could anyone have all these animals for?
"Hunting time," the owl mumbled, a maniacal, predatory grin coming over his face.
At the sound of the word "hunt", Angel's ears shot straight up, a bolt of fear coursing through the rabbit. He looked over at the feathered intruder, watching in horror as the owl began assembling a bow and arrow out of a piece of clothes line and sticks. Taking a few kitchen knifes as ammunition, the owl flew up to the house's rafters, taking aim at a few ferrets out in the yard. Licking his beak, the sniper grabbed the bow in one leg and the knife-arrow in the other, hovering with his wings as he drew the improvised arrow back.
"Take this, ya' greasy weasel," he said, eying up the ferret.
Angel screamed, throwing a frying pan up towards the avian attacker. The pan struck the sniper clean over the head, a resounding "oof!" echoing through the room as the knife fell from his talons. Angel leaped into the air, catching the blade as it just barely missed a sleeping cat who had been resting on the floor.
The rabbit sighed, carefully putting the blade down.
"Angel," Fluttershy said, walking in through the door, "put that back in the kitchen, please. You know knives are too dangerous for little bunnies to hold."
Angel turned around, spying his caretaker as she returned from feeding the outdoor creatures. The rabbit placed the knife down, quickly waving one arm while pointing at the owl with the other, a strained look on his face. The Sniper, dazed but still conscious, flapped his wings and landed in the rafters, letting out an improvised "HOOT!" as he noticed the pony looking at him.
"Now Angel," Fluttershy went on, "you shouldn't blame others for what you did. Now please, put the knife back in the kitchen."
Fluttershy trotted away, leaving the annoyed rabbit staring up at the owl. The bird promptly stuck his tongue out at the rabbit and, as soon as the pony was out of sight, drew another knife, taking aim once more at his quarry outside.
Angel panicked, the rabbit running outside to scatter the ferrets as the Sniper took aim.
"Steady... Steady..." the mercenary bird said, focusing on his target.
The knife sailed through the air, the owl grinning as it came within inches of its target. Angel managed to get there first, the ferrets bolting as the rabbit ran at them, the knife landing harmlessly on the ground. Angel wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead, waving a fist at the owl as he gathered the two knives and hurried them back to the kitchen.
Needless to say, the Sniper was less than amused.
"Oi, back off!" he shouted at the Rabbit. "You big-head wa-"
Fluttershy dropped the dishes she was holding, hearing the rather obscene word echo through her house, several of her animals covering their ears. At first she was scared, fearing an intruder in her home--animals didn't talk after all, save for parrots and crows--but afterwords became quite annoyed; she did NOT like swearing, especially around her animal friends.
The pony quickly bolted into the living room, a glare on her face. Looking around, she saw no one but the animals, her owl guest landing on the back of her couch.
"Well," she huffed, closing the open door, "at least that Mr. Rude-mouth is gone."
The equine noticed a white rabbit, still waving and pointing at the owl, miming the motion of firing a bow and arrow.
"Now Angel," she said, "I know you must have been scared, and ever so hurt, but that rude pony, whomever they were, but Mr. Owl couldn't have done it; owls don't talk."
The rabbit firmly placed a paw over his face, annoyed that he just couldn't prove the owl's guilt.
Angel didn't have to wait long for another chance though, the owl soon flying off to the kitchen after Fluttershy had vanished from view, retrieving yet another blade and flying to the door. The rabbit leaped up, trying to follow the hungry raptor as he landed on the door hook, eying a mouse that was scampering about on the floor below.
The hare tackled, the bird, the Sniper sent flying into the near-by Victrola record player. The needle dropped and the device began to spin, the owl sliding off as the song "millionaire holiday" began to play. The Sniper stood back up, gripping the knife as the mouse scampered past.
"Stabbing time," he grinned, chasing the rodent.
Angel yelled in horror, the bird closing in on the mouse. The rabbit's eyes clenched shut, fearing for the worst, but it never came, much to his relief. Without warning, the door flew open a trio of fillies standing their, unaware that they'd managed to wedge a certain bird between the wooden door and wall, the knife dropping to the floor with a harmless clang.
"Fluttershy!" they called in unison, "We're here!"
"Oh, hi girls," the yellow pony said, remembering she'd invited the three crusaders over. "I'm sorry, but could you wait a few minutes, please? I have to take care of some food for the ducks in the kitchen."
The fillies nodded in agreement, watching as their hostess walked away.
Now normally, any other pony would have politely waited for her to return, but these were fillies and fillies didn't like to be kept waiting around. Boredom set in almost as quickly as Fluttershy had left, and immediately the three set off looking for something to do. As they walked inside, the door opened lightly, a rather stunned owl falling with a thud to the floor. The sound got the attention of the fillies, the trio quickly staring at the bird as he groaned his way back to consciousness.
"Is that owl okay?" the silver-coated Sweetie Belle asked.
"Ah don't know," Applebloom, the farm pony replied.
"Maybe he's having trouble flying," Scootaloo, the orange filly added in. "Hey, maybe we can help him fly again!"
"Cutie Mark Crusader Bird Helpers!" the three shouted.
Darting back outside, bird in hoof, the three scrounged up materials from the nearby bushes, improvising a catapult in a matter of seconds. The Sniper soon found himself in the device's scoop, the fillies pulling the nearby string. The sniper was no fool when it came to improvised weapons, the owl going wide-eyed as he realized what was about to happen.
"Ah, pi--" he said, his words stopped short as the device was triggered.
Across Ponyville, various members of its populace heard a distinctly Australian voice screaming as a brown, barely-visible feathered object rocketed through the air, crashing in the branches of the Golden Oaks Library Tree.
Back at Fluttershy's cottage, the yellow pony looked around, noticing her owl guest had vanished.
"Did you three fillies notice where that owl went off to?" She asked the trio, the crusaders having quickly hidden their improvised artillery piece.
"Um, he flew off," they said, "in a hurry too."
"Oh," Fluttershy smiled, "he must be feeling better by now then. That's such a relief."
In the branches of the library, Sniper groaned once more, the owl falling into a catatonic state that lasted until the evening.
"Just great," The Sniper said, staring up at the now darkened sky. "I'm stuck who knows how far away from home, the life I had not that great either, now that I think about it. Now I don't even have that though, and sure as heck can't even get something to eat on my own..."
The Sniper let out a soft "hoot", sounding more like an owl than ever. A door creak caught his attention as a purple pony, illuminated by candle light, looked out at him, a concerned expression on her face.
"Oh great... this can only get worse..." he thought as the librarian carried him inside.
The Sniper couldn't have been more wrong. In the coming days, he managed to find a friend in the purple pony, the pony letting him actually earn his keep instead of just sit around. He helped keep the place clean and rodent-free, and she helped him with whatever scraps of food she could spare, and a bit of shelter too. With time, he began to adapt, even embracing the name she'd given him; Owlowicious, the now-former mercenary well aware of the amusing pun. Eventually, he earned the trust of her dragon, Spike, the two even spending time together.
Now, more than two years after their first meeting, Owlowicious was on quite good terms with the ponies in his life, the ex-Sniper living with the librarian, now Alicorn Princess, Twilight Sparkle in her rather astounding crystalline castle in what used to be the cursed Everfree forest. He still stayed with her, helping her carry scrolls around the palace grounds, and kept out the mice, now fully embracing his new-found avian nature.
"Heh heh heh," he laughed to himself one day, having just chased off some cheese-stealing rodents, "I am really good at being an owl."