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// Battle of wits #1: Lyra 
// Story: How did I get here!?! 
// by brandsca123 
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Okay now I know Pinkie doesn't use meat in her cupcakes now. When she dragged me away from the crowd of staring ponies, she thought that this might be a good thing to do. God damn you creepypasta, god damn you, you lied to me. Though I'm still a tiny bit scared to be alone with her.

Baking went of without a hitch, obviously my eight fingers and two thumbs gives me a huge advantage. Thank you genetics, without you we would still be little blobs in the sea, or was it monkeys. I don't know or even care, I'm better than Pinkie. Though with my hand chained to her torso by a long cord, it was difficult.

Pinkie: "See I knew you would like this."

Me: "Do my fingers intimidate you." *Starts stroking chin*

Pinkie: *Starts to have a giggle fit*

Me: *Sulks in the corner and says while crying* "I wish I was never born."

F*ck my life, I hate it when people laugh at me, it makes me sad.

Pinkie: "Hey now, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

Me: "....."

God damn it say something, anything.

Me: "Power armor's for pussies."

F*ck

Pinkie just looked at me curiously, but shrugged it off. It was lunch time anyway and Pinkie wanted to take me to her favorite cafe. Hey as long as it doesn't serve meat I'm okay with it. Though I think I'm starting to notice something here. Ever since I came here I've been able to think more clearly, and I could swear Pinkie is hiding something from me. I see the way she glances back at me from time to time. Nah, it's probably nothing, or is it. *Dunn dunn dunnnn*

Anyway I shrug it off. You know it's been awhile since I've been able to think to myself lately, I think I might be able to enjoy this. Just me and my thoughts.....

As we were walking down the road, I could have sworn we were being followed. I looked back and I thought I saw a green unicorn, staring at me. The gears in my head started to click as I remembered something. Lyra, oh f*ck, if she notices me here than that could mean only one thing. I know all to well about her obsession with humans. I Picked up my pace, forcing Pinkie to go a little bit faster. I looked back again. Oh shit she spotted me, she's now b-lining for me. I have to lose her, I don't want to be questioned anymore. I've had enough of that with Twilight.

I was about to round a corner when the chain on my arm jerked in the other direction. Pinkie had stopped suddenly and was now trying to talk with Lyra.

Lyra: "Hey Pinkie Pie whose this?"

Pinkie: "Oh hi Lyra, this is Curtis he isn't from around here."

Lyra: "Why is he chained to your torso?"

Pinkie: "Oh this, you see when Curtis first came here he was like CRASH, right through the roof of Sugarcube Corner, then I was Like HI and he was like AHHHHHHHHHHH, and one thing led to another and now he is chained to me."

My god how does she do that. That there is one of the many reasons why I'm scared of her. Oh god no, Lyra is looking at me say something quick.

Lyra: "Hi Curtis what brings you to Ponyville."

Me: "I am the black mage, I cast the spells that make all the peoples fall down."

*Cricket sounds*........FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

Lyra: "Uhhh, okay."

Pinkie: "Don't worry Lyra he isn't right in the head, but he won't hurt a fly, the worst he could do is scream in your face."

My god Pinkie, that's the one thing that scares others away. If others new I wasn't right in the head they would turn tail and run. Bad Pinkie bad.

I watched as Lyra turned around and walked away, what could she be thinking right now? Anyway I don't have time for thinking about that, right now I want my coffee. Ahh yes coffee, the one beverage that has five stages of pure epicniss. Stage one: Drowsiness. Stage two: A small buzz. Stage three: The high. Stage four: The downs. And last but not least stage five: The dreaded runs. It might be the best of drinks but it gets you going real quick.

We neared the cafe, which was appropriately named Le Cafe.......Nice touch. I think right now would be a good time to lose myself in the caffeine.