//------------------------------// // Sugarcube Shakedown // Story: Ponyville Public Access // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// The TV awakens from a thirty minute slumber, much to its dismay. It was having a rather nice dream, filled with static, sitcoms, and general silliness. But a certain egg-white princess decides she wants to enjoy some late-night viewing on her lounge chair. She even has a cupcake on one of those dainty little frilly plates! The screen shows Sugarcube Corner, but at nighttime with one or two lights emitting from the windows. "Psst! Hey, you!" The camera pans around the intersection. Nothing to see except for more buildings with lights on tonight. "You, with the camera!" The camera refocuses on Sugarcube Corner, this time to a small alleyway nearby where the voice is coming from. In the darkness, two blue eyes and a lock of curly pink hair barely lit by the moonlight are visible. "Yeah, you! Come here!" A pink hoof gestures to come hither as it and the previously mentioned features disappear into the alleyway. The camera wobbles a bit, much in the way of a shrug, then moves toward the alleyway. As Celestia watches, the cupcake levitates off the plate as she takes a small, dainty bite. A few crumbs land on her flowing--yes, flowing--robe. They will not stay there long, not if she can do something about it. At the alley entrance, the eyes are visible again, as is the pink pony who owns them. She wears a thick tan overcoat and a tan fedora, much in the way of a shady neighborhood watch guy on one of those street signs...wait, do those still exist? "Were you followed?" The camera shakes from side to side. She narrows her eyes. "Are you suuure?" An affirming nod. At that, she flicks a switch, and a bright pink stand lights up, courtesy of two hanging spotlights, displaying all sorts of sugars in bowls, glass containers and plastic bags tied neatly in different color ribbons. She flings off her coat and hat, revealing her bright pink body and impossibly curly mane and tail. "Well, welcome to Pinkie Pie's Sugarcube Shakedown! I can see that you're in the need for some sugar, my friend." The camera yanks forward suddenly, getting a closer look at all the sugars on the stand. Celestia takes another bite. Oh, the sweet, sweet sugar! She loves it. And there's an ad about selling sugar on, so it's like a twofer! "What kind of sugar are you looking for? We got--" the camera zips over to three bowls of sugar "--granulated sugar, powdered sugar, and even that kinda-sticky-super-bricky brown sugar!" She pulls out a chunk of the brown sugar. "See? Stays together like this so you can take it anywhere! It's also a good stress reliever if you chuck it at a wall!" Suddenly, Pinkie chucks the brown sugar at a brick wall to the side. The sugar chunk breaks on contact, but not without leaving a dent in the wall. "Er... just be careful your wall can handle it." Aw, that was a good chunk of sugar. Could've made a fantastic cake, Celestia muses as the cupcake comes in close for another tantalizing bite. "Or. OR! Maybe you're looking for something colorful!" The camera jerks again to the display of plastic bags, each bag filled with different colors of sugars, some of which containing the whole spectrum. "Well, I've also got every color of sugar you're looking for. Roy G. Biv, greyscale, complements, even the impossible ones!" She points to a bag filled with an impossibly dark blue bag of sugar. "This one is Luna's favorite, but don't tell anyone. You have no idea how many are pining for a taste of her sugar." Celestia's eyes widen, and the cupcake falls to the floor in a mess of frosting and cake crumbs. Then she calmly gets up from her lounge chair, and leaves the room. The TV soldiers on all the same. "But no, I can see you are a colt of class. You've got some refined tastes, so maybe you're looking for something just as classy as you are. I like that." Darting behind her stand of sugar, Pinkie fetches a large bowl-shaped object hidden under a piece of frilly cloth, and places it on the stand. "Now THIS is special! Super-duper-wooper-blooper special! You won't find this anywhere else in Equestria ever!" Then in a dark tone she adds, "I guarantee it." Lifting the cloth off ever so gently, Pinkie reveals an ornate wooden bowl. Inside it? Sugarcubes. A big ol' pile of sugarcubes. Off to the side of the camera, a small trickle of drool is visible. "I knew it. You like sugarcubes, don't you?" The camera bobs up and down, much to Pinkie's glee and excitement. “Well, these are the finest, perfectly crafted, melt-in-your-mouth delicious sugarcubes you didn’t know you dreamed about! Yours truly spent months figuring out the secret to making them, and you don’t want to know the price I paid to get these right.” “UNHOOF ME, SISTER!” Pulled in by the ear, Luna’s hooves screech against the marble flooring, the sound only stopping when Celestia hit carpet. “Not until you tell me where your sugar is!” Celestia cries in desperation, eyes shrunk to pinpricks. “But we don’t have any!” Luna’s pleading eyes met her sister’s, begging that she see she tells the truth, but Celestia would not have it. “Luna, I’m warning you. Tell me where your sugar is right now, or I swear I’ll chuck you to the moon!” “You can’t--wait, you can actually do that?” Celestia flashes a wicked grin. “I practiced with Cadance. How do you think she learned to fly?” Luna’s eyes widen as Celestia continues dragging her to the balcony, where her moon lit up the night sky. “Last chance, Luna. Sugar. Give it now, please.” “Celestia, sister, I’m sorry, but I don--” In a fluid motion, Celestia grips Luna with both hooves, aims at the moon, and chucks. Unfortunately, Luna’s wings flare out immediately, breaking what could have been a crash landing for a millenium on a cosmic entity. Again. Instead, wings flailing about uselessly, Luna flies off into the night, vanishing amid the mountains and trees in the background. Celestia, angry at her lack of sugar, stomps back to the lounge chair. Yet as Luna's scream fades off in the distance, that anger switches over to regret soon enough. “...I probably shouldn’t have chucked her,” she says in a tone that carries sincerity and a tinge of disappointment. “But she’ll be fine. I mean, it’s not like I actually sent her to the moon again, right?” she asks to nobody in particular. The commercial on the TV continues onward, and Celestia watches. Perhaps that will take her mind off the events that transpired less than a minute ago. “So, have I convinced you to get this sugar?” Pinkie asks as if she had spent the past minute whispering sweet, sweet nothings into the camera carrier’s ear...which she totally did. But the narrator was too distracted by Celestia chucking Luna, so you missed it. Boo to him; he’s such a jerk. The camera bobs up and down, then shakes a bit as a bag of bits is fished out from an unseen saddlebag. Pinkie’s eyes light up like the night sky at the sight of the bits, then freezes as her tail twitches uncontrollably. Her head darts up, seemingly looking for something. The camera also tilts up, and sees said night sky, which looks just wonderful as the stars blink and twinkle, the moon casts a warm white glow from above, and the Moon Princess is falling down at barely controlled speeds…wait, what was that last one? ‘CRASH’ In a crater just outside the alleyway, Luna ‘gracefully’ lands on the main road of Ponyville right next to sugarcube corner. As she rises to her hooves, a few bits of dirt and gravel hover around her menacingly as she glares up at Canterlot Castle. “Oh hi Princess Luna!” Pinkie calls to her, and Luna turns her head. “Would you like to buy some sugar?” Luna tilts her head as she notices the lit-up bowls and bags of sugar. A similar wicked grin not unlike her sister’s forms on her face. “Why yes, I would. A brick of brown and that bag of lovely stygian sugar, if you please,” she requests as a hoofful of bits levitates from her hidden coinpurse (don’t ask where). “Ooh ooh, a twofer!” Pinkie happily assembles her order, quick as a flash, then gives it to Luna. “Are you baking something, Princess?” The smile does not fade as she glares at the camera. “Yes...I’m baking a delicious cake...for me. And Celestia's going to watch me eat it.” Dread shakes Celestia’s body as Luna stares at the camera. Her cakes are to die for, but to deny her even a measly morsel?! That's...that's monstrous! "And then, once I'm done, I'll destroy it so my sister shall never have a crumb of it to savor. Do you hear me, Celestia?! MY CAKE WILL BURN!" NO! Celestia breaks away from the TV, and scrambles for a spot to hide. She will not be a witness to such slaughter of sweets! “And Tia, if I find you under your bed again, you’re just going to make this easy.” Celestia crawls out from under the bed, dashes through the door, and flies, FLIES for some other hiding spot in the castle that is absolutely NOT under her bed. As Luna flies off into the night toward Canterlot, the camera focuses again on Pinkie, counting her bits with the excitement of a child counting chocolate coins. She's even biting a few too! "Another satisfied customer--oh, almost forgot about you! Here's your sugar cubes!" She hands the cameracolt a bag full of dime bags of sugar cubes, then leans in and says, "Don't eat them all in one place. And remember to stop by Sugarcube Shakedown for all your sugary needs!" At that, the camera bounds away happily, as does its carrier with a bag of tasty sugarcubes in tow. The TV continues its broadcast of the odd camera-mounted pony. Its lone viewer is long gone from the room, probably hiding in a broom closet somewhere in the castle. She's safe, the TV thinks. Definitely. But a flap of wings and onyx slippers touching the ground set a grim reminder for what is to come. "Ready or not, sister, here I come."