//------------------------------// // The Worst it Could Possibly Be - Famous Last Words - Random, Adventure // Story: Jonathon Smythe's Write-Off Compilation // by Jonathon Smythe //------------------------------// It started like any regular Monday, with the alarm waking me up far earlier than it had the right to. I walked downstairs and started cooking up some breakfast, (waffles with golden syrup. Only good part of a Monday, if you ask me,) when I heard some screaming. So I looked outside, being a good citizen, to see what the matter was. To no surprise, I saw the Flower trio running around aimlessly, screaming about the end of the world. I thought nothing of it at the time, given that they were always screaming about some catastrophe or another. If I knew the universe was going to end that day, I probably would have paid more attention. So then I turned back to the waffles, and lo and behold, they were burnt! Stupid Mondays, ruining my breakfast. It was the perfect batter too. Ah well, no use crying over burnt batter. I quickly mixed up another batch and started cooking, when I heard another voice add itself to the fray. I was about to turn and see what the matter was, but then I thought, ‘Ah, trying to catch me off guard again, eh, Monday? Well, you won’t fool this dragon a second time!’ Hehe. Sure showed Monday that time. Perfect waffles, nice and crisp, golden syrup filling the little squares, delicious. Sorry for the drool there. But by the time I’d finished off the waffles, it almost sounded like the whole town had started screaming. As it turns out, I wasn’t far from the truth there. So I went outside and tried to ask some ponies what all the screaming was about, but that didn’t really work. They just kept on screaming. Eventually I found one of my friends, Pinkie Pie, and tried to ask her what was going on. She put down her popcorn, grabbed my head and tilted it up, so that I could see the sun and moon in the sky, having a laser battle. “Odds are on the sun at the moment, but the moon can dodge like no pony’s business!” She said, reclining on her beach chair and reclaiming her popcorn, which she then held out to me. “Want some?” “No thanks, Pinkie, I think I need to find Twilight. This seems Elements of Harmony important.” “Oh, they won’t work. Discord turned bad and stole them again. He also turned Cerberus into a three-headed potted plant and transformed Fillydelphia into a giant amusement park. I hear they have the best rollercoaster in Equestria!” “...What? How did- How do you know all of this?” “Oh, our queen made a deal with him in exchange for giving him the princesses when they took over Equestria.” “...Our quee-” Fwoosh! “Oh, you’re a changeling. I’ll just be running now.” “Bye Spike! See you on the other side of total annihilation!” It is at this point that I ran as fast as my feet could carry me towards the library, hoping that Twilight could bring some sense of reason to all of this. Yeah, that didn’t work. “Twilight! Discord is free and the Elements are gone and Pinkie was replaced by a changeling and changelings have taken over Equestria and-” “Twilight’s not here Spike. It’s just your old pal Discord now!” Oh, right, Twilight’s a princess now, which means Discord got her as part of the deal. I guess that’s why she didn’t come downstairs for waffles. “Exactly right, Spike. And yes, I can read your mind.” “...So let me get this straight. The sun and moon are fight-” “Celestia and Luna. I trapped them in the sun and moon and made them fight.” “...So they’re fighting a giant laser death battle in the sky, changelings have taken over all of Equestria, you’ve turned evil again, and the Elements of Harmony are nowhere to be found.” “That pretty much sums it up. I can see why Twilight kept you here, very astute for a young dragon.” “Well then. I don’t think today could get any worse.” Discord just started grinning wider and wider before he said, “I was hoping you would say that.” Then he snapped his fingers, and the universe ended. --- “...So what do you think?” “That is quite possibly, the most chaotic story I’ve ever heard. Could you write it down? This tofu noodle soup does not work well for Tatzlwurm flu. A big old bowl of chaos is just what I need right now,” Discord said, before sneezing against Twilight’s quarantine forcefield.