//------------------------------// // Diamonds and Roses...(May not contain an actual battle) // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// A/N: I'll be frank here, I don't know for sure what I'm going to do with this chapter. Seriously, I have no personal experience forcing pacifist people to fight each other, so it's a miracle I can even do it in writing without feeling hypocritical. *sighs* Fans of any particular side... forgive me. ... Properties belong to Hasbro, Screw Attack, and Sega. --- The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (10) ---Death Battle--- I may have threatened one of the contenders that I would fatally wound Sonic if she didn't compete. --- A/N: ! --- Don't worry. I didn't mention you. --- A/N: Ugh... --- I also may have threatened the other contender to dye her mane a sick green and force her to look at tacky outfits. --- A/N: What?! --- Well, she was being all prissy saying, "A lady does not reduce herself to such barbaric measures," and junk like that. --- A/N: Why didn't you just get some other pony? --- Hey, it's your show. I'm just the narrator. --- A/N: But that doesn't mean you have to resort to threats. --- It's not a threat if you can back it up. I have green mane dye and a tied-up blue hedgehog. --- A/N: *face palm* NARRATOR! --- Whoops! Show's starting. Can't talk now. Love you. Bye! --- A/N: ... -_- ... *sigh* Bastard. --- We start the show with various shots of "everything nice". B opens with, "There's always some girl that just has to look her best whether it's for some guy she likes or just for the sake of making herself pretty." W concurs, "Like Amy Rose from Mobius or Rarity from Ponyville." "G***d**nit. Not more ponies..." "He's B and I'm W and it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle." ---Death Battle--- The title card parts to reveal a pink anthro hedgehog wearing a red dress and boots. "Standing at two-foot-eleven and a weight that no one knows," introduces W, "Amy Rose is the self-appointed girlfriend of Sonic the Hedgehog." "That girl needs a new hobby instead of ogling the blue blur," comments B. Amy's stats appear on screen as W resumes the talk. "Her obsession and training over the years has allowed Amy to run speeds just about as fast as Sonic's average, making it difficult for him to lose her. Though, it's possible she's colorblind since she's confused him with Shadow and Silver before." "While she shares a spin attack and speed dash with Sonic, she can mix things up with her Piko Piko hammer. It's a giant, red and yellow hammer capable of crushing enemies, creating tornadoes, and causing shock waves." "Amy has also claimed notable victories in Extreme Gear races and Olympic events since 2008 in Beijing." "Though she's been kidnapped by Dr. Eggman before, she's not the girl you want to trifle with." A clip of video reveals a focus on Knuckles and Amy. Knuckles says, "I'll admit you weren't half bad Sonic." "Half bad?" asks Amy as she shoves Knuckles into a tree, "He was all great!" ---Death Battle--- The title card opens to reveal a white unicorn pony with a curled, purple mane and a seductive look on her face. "Ag...uh...mf..." B sounds like he's struggling to speak. "B, is your nose bleeding?" asks W genuinely concerned. "No!" "All... right... anyway, standing at about four feet and a weight no one knows, Rarity represents the Element of Generosity." We hear sniffing sounds from B as a stat screen appears and W continues talking. "She works as a fashion designer and shopkeeper in Ponyville. She holds her standards and outward beauty in high regard and dreams of living in Canterlot." B seems silent today. There's an awkward pause before W just keeps on going. "As a unicorn, Rarity can perform basic levitation and object manipulation magic. Her unique magic revolves around her ability to apply clothes to a pony with just a flash of light and her ability to find valuable gems wherever they are." There's still no word from B. "With her high standards comes Rarity's tendency to get caught up with attention to detail. She cannot stand anything messy, wet, dirty, out-of-place, or impolite. She also has difficulties dealing with familial situations, often upsetting or arguing with her sister Sweetie Belle." Why doesn't B say anything? "Although she tends to have the most maturity of her peers, Rarity is far from being a helpless damsel in distress. Using her sophisticated vocabulary and her open-ended complaints, she was able to manipulate a pack of Diamond Dogs and managed to take their entire stash of gems away from them." "All right. I'm back from the bathroom." "..." "What?" "N-nothing." A dramatic cut scene complete with blue back lights shows Rarity saying, "As Celestia is my witness, I shall never be sister less again." ---Death Battle--- Do I even have to tell you? W says, "All right, the combatants are set. Let's end this debate once and for all." B shouts, "Time for a Death Battle!" ---Death Battle--- An open, clean, and white hallway reminiscent of Castle Oblivion marks the stage for this battle. The combatants enter from either side of the screen, though they seem begrudging and resentful. Perfect. "FIGHT!" Amy pulls out her trusty Piko Piko Hammer before starting her spin dash. Oddly, Rarity's gem finding spell allows her to dodge the dash as she is dragged toward a diamond in a nearby stone cube that's about her height. "Wait just a moment!" calls Rarity, "Why are we fighting?" "Because," answers the pink hedgehog, "that horrible man threatened my Sonic and your good looks." "What a preposterous yet unfortunate predicament." "Yeah, I don't know what else to do though." "I'm not certain but... I might have a plan." They whisper as they exchange some of the most fake punches and kicks in acting history. "You really think that'll work?" asks Amy. "We won't know 'til we try," says Rarity. "All right. Let's do this!" They each race off opposite ends of the screen- wait... that wasn't supposed to happen. What's going on? "Hey, you jerk! Let's see how you like green mane dye!" What, Amy?! Wait, no! Put that down! AAAAAAAH! Meanwhile on the opposite side of the stage, Rarity uses her magic to maneuver the bindings of Sonic off of him. "Thanks," he says, "You're Rainbow Dash's friend, right?" "That I am," she beams, "You should be able to get out of here now." "Right! Oh and tell Amy I'll catch up with her later." "Very well, Sir Sonic." Sonic runs off as Rarity returns to the scene. ... Uh, hello? --- A/N: Oh, hi. What's up? --- Uh, yes. I was told to meet "the Director" here. --- A/N: That's me. I take it you're the new narrator. --- Yeah, so... uh... what is it I'm supposed to do? --- A/N: Just read your scripted text as it's uploaded to your e-reader. Easy right? --- All right, sure. *Ahem*. Meanwhile, on the other set, Rarity and Amy are doing a team effort to make "the jerk" look as ridiculous yet as fabulous as possible. It's quite amusing, really. I guess you just have to be there. "Quite amazing what one can do with just a rope and some green dye," comments the fashioner pony. "Yeah, I had a lot of fun today," agrees Amy. "The jerk" is currently gagged and unable to input his opinion. "It was a pleasure working with you, Ms. Rarity." "Likewise." They bump hoof-to-fist. "FRIENDSHIP!" "Friendship?" questions a random announcer voice, "Again?" ---Death Battle--- B seems in a better mood, "Ah ha ha. HA HA ha ha ha!" W is intrigued, "Wow, I had no idea they could get so creative with just one color." "Ha ha ha. Oh-ho, my ribs. Ah ha ha ha." "This Death Battle is a draw." Pictures of Amy Rose and Rarity appear onscreen with the bold word "DRAW" underneath. ---Death Battle--- "Next time on Death Battle..." announces B. The screen becomes black as bold phrases pass. You're making me angry. ... You won't like me... ...when I'm angry. ... ... "I'm a princess. Are you a princess too?" Augh! Where did that voice come from? *bang* --- "Special thanks to the various actors who offered their voice talents for Amy and Rarity." "Thanks for watching." --- A/N: I'm not sure when I decided to make this a 'joke' chapter. It just sort of started flowing out as I continued typing. Maybe in the future, I'll do an actual battle between Amy and Rarity. Properties belong to their respective owners. I gain no profit for this. Yada yada, etc. etc. P.S. Why don't I change the story's status from "Complete" to "Incompleted"? Well, it was initially a one-shot. Then I got inspiration for another episode. Then another. Eventually I just started writing more without pause. Technically, you could read the first chapter and get all your dose of random story-reading for the day. Frankly, I'm not entirely sure when I'm stopping. But when I do... at least it won't end on a cliff hanger.