//------------------------------// // "Don't Panic" // Story: Celestia Doesn't Sweat The Small Stuff // by gchamp89 //------------------------------// "42!!!" The sound of Fakelight's shout startles the birds off the statutes in the royal garden where me and the Twilight impostor were enjoying a nice walk. I thought a nice walk with me here rather than staying in the library would get her to relax a bit. But I forgot that she thinks that the moment she blows her cover that I am going incinerate her on the spot. Any other time she may have been right but this is a special case. Like I said earlier, I'll give today to her and free Twilight in the evening. But I do want to give Fakelight the chance to get whatever it is off her chest. But to do that, I have to get her to relax a little. So I thought asking a silly question like "How many ways are there to skin a cat?" would get her to chill a bit. Which just backfired beautifully. I give the poor dear a little smile, "42? Really? There are 42 ways to skin a cat?" She casts me a quick apologetic look and regains her composure, "Oh...ah....Yes! My...ah...research has shown me there are exactly 42 ways to skin a cat. Most of them involve common household items or using kitchen utensils while 5 of those ways involve invoking ancient evil demons from Tartarus." I raise an eyebrow, "I hope this is all theoretical, Twilight." She stares at me in horror, "Oh Yes of course! Ignoring the ethical implications and animal cruelty that would result from testing that theory; Flutershy would come at me with an ax if I ever did anything like that. 42 is merely the number that resulted from my conjecture. I would never actually collect data to prove it." I quickly wrap wing around her, "Of course, Twilight . I know you would never do anything like that. I was just trying to get you to relax with a silly question." Blushing profusely, Fakelight looks at me, "Relax?" Now's my chance, "Yes, Twilight, relax. We are together now and that means sharing our joys and our burdens. Every since I saw you this morning I could feel the tension radiating off of you. I first wanted to wait until you came to me, but then I remembered that relationships don't work well like that. So am saying this here and now, if there is anything you need to say to me then please go ahead and say it. I promise whatever it is, I will not think any less of you." Fakelight looks down in deep thought. After a couple of moments she turns her face back towards me, still blushing , "Can...Can we stay like this for awhile? I just...need some time to calm down a bit." Impostor or not, Shy Twilight is as cute as ever, "Of course , my love. Take all the time you need." I sit on my haunches and keep my wing wrapped around Fakelight as she nuzzles closer to me. "And remember Twilight," "Don't Panic." Don't Panic. When you say that to a normal pony, they at least stop screaming for second so they can hear whatever it is you have to say next. When you say that to Twilight, she screams in your face, cusses you out, and starts listing all the reasons why she should be panicking. I roll my eyes and tune her out as I take stock of this whole stupid situation. We are in Twilight's bedroom in the crystal palace here in Ponyville. We are locked in here because a busy-body idiot and her equally idiotic husband decided to play match maker between this pony we know and Celestia, Twilight's marefriend. They all came here asking Twi if she would let the pony disguise itself as her and spend a day or two with Celestia. When she naturally says no, Luna suddenly appears out of nowhere and whacks her with iron bar and knocks her out. I was pretty pissed about that, as were the other conspirators. But being a dimutive baby dragon I couldn't really do anything of note to an alicorn moon goddess. Having no choice but to go along with everything, they let me grab an ice pack for Twi and brought us to the bedroom where they put that magic lock thing on her horn and locked us in the room. Luckily when she woke and remembered everything I was able to stop her from completely spazing out and got her to calm down. While she was doing her breathing thing, Celestia did her mind link and wanted a sit-rep from me. I gave it to her along with a piece of mind about this whole mess. Sun goddess or not, nopony screws arond with the pony who is basically my mother for all intents and purposes. After getting her to promise to end this sonner rather than later, I got Twilight to relax and went to call before-mentioned idiots to remove the lock. Which, of course, they don't know how to. Which brings us to here where I am trying to stay cool while Twilight completely freaks out. As I tune to back to reality I discover that Twilight has reached reason number 87 as for why she should be panicking. Which involves Discord, a catapult filled with whipped cream, a dominatrix version of Applejack, and a thermonuclear device in the hoofs of the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Sigh. Time for plan B. F.Y.I, Plan B is back-handing Twilight so she comes to her senses. When she shakes the stars from her eyes, she immediately starts to apologize, "I am so sorry, Spike. I...I just planed this week for so long and then all this happens with that interloper, Luna and all the rest...and...now my horn..." Tears start to form up at this point. I give my mother figure a hug, she needs it. "It's okay Twilight, I know that you've been pushing yourself more than usual, getting all that paperwork done so you could take this week off and be with Celestia. Then all this B.S. happens and it seems your week is ruined now." I step back and stand up straight. "But fear not, your No. 1 Assistant is on the case and you will have your special time with Celestia. I swear to you on my title as a "Noble Dragon"." She smiles and wipes the tears from her eyes. "Thanks Spike, you always know what to say." I smile, "Between you and Rarity I get a lot of practice." She chuckles a bit at that and gives me a sly smirk. "I hope she makes it worth it for you." Gee, I am really hoping me blushing doesn't stand out too much on my scales. "Al-Alright enough of that, lets go ahead and get wingus and dingus here so we can figure out what to do about your horn and that home-wrecker posing as you." "Spike! I am not exactly happy with them right now either but that is no reason for name-calling." I shrug. "Those two put an ancient magical artifact on your horn to seal your magic with no reliable way to take it off and the other is disguised as you with the hope getting her mack on with Celestia. What I am trying to say, in other words, is this: 'I calls them as I see them'." She huffs and puts a hoof to her horn, feeling the lock. I take the hoof in my claws. "Don't worry Twi, everything will be okay." "Don't Panic." Don't Panic. Just don't panic. I keep telling myself that as I walk down a lone hallway in the castle. With me in my magic I carry a scroll that must be delivered to Celestia. This scroll is either one of two things. A: my return ticket to the moon. B: my ticket to immortal life walking with a severe limp As I lament my fate, a thought occurs. My dear sister won't be upset about this In fact, she can't get mad about this, because she didn't give me any warning something like this could happen. It's not like she actually warned me to not just sign every document put in front of me by the nobles and to actually read the documents because the nobles may try to sneak in a law or two that Celestia would never sign if she were there. It's not like she warned me about that exact thing multiple times prior to this week. She also didn't tell me how upset she would be with me if I let that happen. And there is no way I was playing with that fascinating ball in the cup toy and tuning her out every time she warned me. Wait...Oh shit. In my defense ball in the cup toy is really mind-boggling. You toss the ball in the air and you try to catch it with the cup. But if you miss, that's okay because the ball is at attached to a string at the bottom of the cup so you can try again. I am sure once I explain my position to my dear Tia she won't get mad at all. I am the mistress of the dreams and even I can't dream of that happening. As I continue to walk and contemplate my doom, I notice a lone pony walking, no, strutting down the hallway towards me. It's that insufferable Prince Blueblood. That self-deluded jackass who believes that he is Celestia's gift to mares. A snobbish pretty boy who doesn't have enough energy in his brain to power a light bulb. Speaking of light bulbs, one just went off in my head. I realize what Prince BlueBlood is most of all, a patsy. I'll get him to deliver the scroll to my sister and say something stupid and arrogant which pertains to the message in the scroll. Which will make her think the he had something to do with it. Then Tia will take out most of her anger on Blueblood, leaving me with the embers. Since Blueblood is an complete asshole I won't feel bad about it. I straighten up and assume my Regal Pose. "Prince Blueblood, We summon thee!" His eyes widen and he immediately scampers to and bows. "How may I serve you, Your Majesty?" I had the scroll to him with my magic. "We charge thee with delivery of thine scroll to our sister, Princess Celestia. This information within thine scroll is top secret and for our sister's eyes only. And when thou hath delivered thine scroll you are to avail yourself to any service specified in said scroll. Due to other...maters I cannot make this delivery myself. This is a mission of the utmost importance She is somewhere on the castle grounds. Do you accept this task? He looks at the scroll with awe. "Yes I do...and thank you." I look at him, puzzled. "For what?" He stands up straight and with a face beaming with pride. "For trusting me with this noble task. I know I have a history of being a regular ass around ponies and such but when I woke this morning I resolved to change my image. I resolved to put others before myself, to treat other ponies with dignity and respect regardless their station in life. I want to prove that I am more than just a pretty face and become a better pony. Thank you Princess Luna for giving me this small chance to get my hooves dirty and change my image." He salutes me and gallops off, searching for my sister. Leaving me standing there feeling like the biggest jackass in Equestria. I hang my head in shame as I retreat to my Royal Hiding Spot. All the while telling myself. "Don't Panic"