“I will challenge you Tirek!” you cry. “But to a battle of my own choice!”
Tirek is silent for a moment, but then nods. “Agreed!” he booms. “This amuses me. What form will this battle take?”
You realise that being a demon king, Tirek is probably more powerful than you, and would easily beat you in a physical battle. However, you are an expert brony from Earth, and as such have hundreds of highly-honed skills that he would never have even dreamed of.
You wrack your brains quickly. A fan fiction writing contest? You dismiss the notion – Tirek might also have an expert knowledge of pony shipping pairs. Perhaps you could see who is the best at internet trolling? You shake your head – Tirek was so evil he probably had an army of LOLcat images ready for deployment at a moment’s notice.
You snap your fingers as the answer comes to mind. “I challenge you,” you cry “to a Dance Dance Revolution battle!”
Tirek snarls. “As you wish pitiful mortal!” he roars. “But we will not use the Groove Radar!”
Tirek shows you into his house, making sure you wipe your feet as you enter. Luckily, Tirek has a rather large selection of Playstation games, and while you set up the DDR mats, Tirek the demon king makes some orange squash in the kitchen.
“Don’t put too much water in mine,” you shout as you power up the Playstation. “I like mine strong!” As Tirek enters, you swig your glass of orange concentrate in one gulp, keeping a steely face as the painfully powerful liquid swills into your stomach. Tirek is obviously impressed at how hard-core you are – with a smirk you notice that his own glass of orange squash is especially weak.
“Ladies first,” you sneer as you beckon him towards the dance pad.
Tirek throws a look of utter malice in your direction as he quickly sips down his squash and takes to the mat. “Puny mortal!” he booms, his gigantic centaur feet firmly on each corner of his specially oversized dance mat. “You can never defeat me!”
His expression changes the moment you start the song. “No!” he cries, as a fast paced musical beat fills the air. “Not ‘Drop The Bomb’!” The fast paced dulcet notes of your tune of choice fill the air, and the screen becomes a maze of arrows, scrolling faster and faster past Tirek’s eyes. The demon king summons all of his unholy powers in an attempt to dance to the beats, but he is just too slow, and collapses in a tangle of limbs.
“My turn, I think!” you cry, leaping onto the dance mat and instantly using your masterful skills in the ancient art of DDR to perfectly match every arrow, your feet a wild blur.
Tirek looks upon your majesty with unbridled awe, unable to look away. “Those combos!” he gasps as you start to wave your arms about in the air with wild abandon. “It’s impossible!”
As the song finished, you twirl around, your feet hitting the last arrows in perfect timing, as a triple A rating floats up on the screen behind you. You bow to the shocked Tirek, and step forwards in triumph. “Do you yield, Tirek?”
“No, no!” Tirek steps back, waving his hands in shock. “I am the demon king, I am undefeatable! W-what about something else? ABBA Singstar? League of Legends? I’ll even let you be Shaco!”
“No dice Tirek!” You kick over his coffee table to show your dominance, sending a stack of rustic drink coasters flying. “I win! You lose! Now hand me the Time Orb!”
Tirek sighs glumly, sinking to his demonic haunches. “Fine!” he mutters. “I yield to your superior powers. But I don’t have any ‘Time Orb’!”
Not believing the evil creature, you rampage around his castle, searching in every nook and cranny. Amongst other things, you find a stack of manga, a multipack of Doritos and a box of Transformers. No sign of any Time Orb though.
“Fine, I believe you Tirek!” You announce as you return to his sitting room. “So I’m taking these Doritos instead!” You rip open the packet with your mighty brony muscles and start to victoriously shovel delicious cheesy tortilla chunks into your mouth.
Tirek looks sad. “That was going to be my dinner,” he moans softly.
What will you do?
Explore Equestria some more