*Cadance*
It has been said that I am a natural born leader. My father was king of the Crystal Empire and before said bloody coup, he was the Field Marshal of its entire army. I learned everything I needed to know from him. ‘Well, except for dark magic. Yeah, I can pass on that.’ So it was easy for me to fall into the guise of a commanding officer or just take charge whenever I needed to. ‘Like in bed.’
I held my head high as I walked in front of a line of my ‘troops’. Said troops were a line of neatly green suited, changeling stallions and an equally spiffed up Discord. They were all standing at attention, waiting for my orders. Well, the changelings were. Discord was standing still, but….his eyes were playing ping-pong. I sighed, but decided to ignore it for now.
The changelings I knew were dependable. Chrysalis often allows me to have some during my more…difficult cases. She had tons to spare, so it was no problem for her. Besides, what are frenemies if they can’t loan their soldiers out to each other? Hay, we even take turns pitting our forces against one another. The Crystal ponies kind of complain, but come on. Who doesn’t love a good war?
Of course, it would make more sense to bring some Solar Guard or even my own soldiers to help with such a task, but…I found most of them lacking, especially the crystal ponies. They were far too outdated and formal and in no way a major help in my romance endeavors. I had been working on that however, but it was a really, REALLY, slow process.
Anyways, the changelings would follow me to Tartarus if I had ordered them to. I admired it, but I also knew it was hard-wired into their very species. They needed someone to order them around. Of course, it didn’t stop them from being individuals.
“Alright,” I spoke up. The night sky was illuminated by Luna’s moon. “This is it. The night of our lives. I’m not going to lie. This is going to be brutal. You’ll be in the firing zone and you might end up with some broken limbs and a sore throat. It’ll be all worth it if we do this together. Do you understand?” One of the changelings raised their hooves. “Yes, Sergeant Twinkletoes?”
“It’s Larry.”
“Well now it’s Twinkletoes,” I glared at him, forcing the changeling to reel back in fear. “Problem Twinkletoes?”
“Actually yes,” another changeling with a deep voice spoke up. “I do have a problem. My name is Twinkletoes. If he’s Twinkletoes, does that mean I have to change my name too?”
“No,” I rubbed my forehead to ease the pain. “You’re still Twinkletoes.”
“So we’re both Twinkletoes?” The two changeling spoke up as one.
“No,” I sighed. “You’re still Larry.”
“Oh...Wait, which one is still Larry?”
I grit my teeth and smoke bellowed out of my nostrils as I snorted in anger. “Look, no one is getting there name changed. I was making a point!” It’s very hard to get a point across in this world. Many phrases or items were actually ponies names or nicknames as some preferred. It made for many situations like this one and my head did not need another massive headache.
“Well Candy,” Discord spoke up. His eyes were back to normal. “I’ve got to say, you suck at this.”
“I don’t suck.”
“I feel so bad for Shining right now,” Discord put a hand to his head daintily. “A wife that will not suck. Oh how droll your nights are.”
I blushed. “You…Just, shut up and listen to me. This is your next lesson and you better listen up good. If you mess this up, you’ll set yourself back big time.”
“What is this ‘oh’ so important lesson?” Discord leaned against a tree. His tail conjured an iced tea in a small glass cup and brought it up to his lips to drink.
“Song.”
Discord looked at me in confusion. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t find it enjoyable to confuse him. He’s the god of literal confusion. To make him go ‘what’ is just hilarious. ‘I so have to bring a camera with me one of these days. His face is priceless.’
“A song?” Discord asked. “Candy, forgive me if I’m mistaken, but don’t songs happen all the time in Equestria? How is something so mundane going to win the heart of dear Applejack?”
“This is no simple song, my apprentice of love,” I smirked. I never had a student before Discord. Oh yes, some of the ponies I hooked up needed some help, but not this much. He needed my guidance, especially for this issue. Songs were the lifeblood of ponies. We breath, live, and thrive off of them. They make us who we are. “This is a serenade.”
“A serenade?” Discord’s eyes literally sparkled with little stars. “Oh how wondrous. I’ve been thinking up this little number,” he flashed a mariachi band outfit and guitar. “Oh~”
Just by the first note, I knew this song was terrible. I lit my horn and the guitar was gone in a flash. I breathed a sigh of relief. “No mariachi band. Too silly.”
Discord pouted. “But I like being silly.”
“No, you like being stupid.” I pointed out.
Discord shrugged. “Tomato, potato.”
I sighed. “Discord, please be serious, at least for tonight. This song,” I put a hoof to my heart. “Has to come from here. Everything that you feel about her, everything she means to you, pour it into your music. A mare appreciates a good ballad.”
“And this will work?”
“It did for me,” I smiled as I drifted off into the land of memories. ‘Shining was so cute up there on the stage…And so hunky~ I do wonder if he still has that outfit. I would enjoy a…private performance.’ “And it will for you. This will be different, however, since it will be more personal. Singing underneath her windowsill, so late at night, shows your commitment and longing for her. This is our only shot, since it’s one of those ‘one time things’. Yes, once you get into the relationship, you can do it more often, but it isn’t the same.”
“Alright,” Discord nodded, but then pointed at the changelings. “But what’s with my sister’s goons?”
“They’re here for……………..” My brain practically shut down as I processed what he said. ‘Sister’s goons?!!!’
“Candy?” Discord snapped his fingers in front of my face and ears with four hands. “Candy?”
I shook my head. “What…What happened?”
“You zoned out for five moments,” Discord huffed. “I got so bored I had to play with those changelings.”
I turned my head to look over at the changelings. They were all dressed in clown costumes, held rubber axes, quoting Shakespeare, and a seal was currently bouncing a couple of them around like balls. “Discord….”
He sighed and snapped his fingers, returning everything to normal. The changelings sighed in relief, a feeling I could sympathize with. “Now, what about this serenade?”
“No, let’s backtrack a second here. Did you just say ‘sister’s goons’?”
Discord nodded. “Yeah, big sis is still Queen of the changelings, right? I never did get around to visiting her. I do so hope she got rid of that stick up her bum.”
“Your big sister,” I tried to explain, more to myself really. “Is Queen Chrysalis?”
Discord nodded.
“………..What is wrong with your family tree?”
Discord grinned. “Oh you don’t even know half of it.”
________________________________________________________________________
*Applejack*
There’s nothin’ better than a good night’s sleep after a hard day’s work. Trust me on this. My body was cravin’ some sweet, sweet slumber. Wasn’t suprisin’ neither. Ah didn’t have to do a lot of buckin’ or the like, but…that varmint Discord had gotten me all worked up. Ah got him eventually with my rope, but still, he riled me up somethin’ fierce. Not to mention Screwball bein’ his daughter. Ah still didn’t know why ah didn’t like the thought of him havin’ other kids with someone else. ‘None of my business. He aint mine.’
Ah shouldn’t have stayed up so late, but ah wanted to do a little late night apple buckin’ to clear my head. It was stupid of me, since ah really needed to get to sleep, but buckin’ helped calm my nerves. Now ah didn’t have to worry about nothin’ but sleep. Jumpin’ onto the bed, ah sighed in contentment. Ah nestled in good and tight, closin’ my eyes.
That is until somethin’ knocked against my window.
‘Ignore it. It’ll go away.’
More tappin’.
‘Don’t answer it.’
A rock smashed through the window.
“Consarnit!” Ah sprung up from my bed, glarin’ at the rock. “What the hay is this about?” Ah walked over to the window….And saw a bunch of neatly dressed changelings standin’ behind Discord. Somethin’ was wrong here. Ah aint one to hate on another race, but changelin’s usually were up to no good. It didn’t help that they were with Discord, who was dressed up in a nice tuxedo. His hair was done up and he was smilin’ up at me. Ah couldn’t help but blush a little and look away, but then ah remembered the rock and scowled. “YA THREW THE ROCK, DIDN”T YA?!!!”
“No,” Discord shook his head and gestured to the changeling to his right. “He did.”
To which the changeling received a nice, large rock to the head, knockin’ him out.
“Or was it the one on my left,” Discord scratched his chin, while the other changelings woke up their fallen with a few bursts of their magic. Discord wasn’t payin’ them no mind and shrugged. “Oh well.”
“Discord,” ah grit my teeth, wishin’ ah hit him instead with the rock. “What do ya want?”
“To sing!”
“Do ya want me to get my boots? Because ah will iff’n ya go through with that plan.”
Discord laughed. “Oh Applejack, you wouldn’t….” He teleported a foot to his right, to avoid a large boot, that knocked out another changeling. “Okay, you would.”
“Boss,” one of the changeling spoke up. “Can we do something that won’t get us hit in the head?”
Discord just stared at him for a moment. “You clearly don’t know who you’re dealing with, but maybe just this once….” Discord was cut off by a boot to the head. He yelped in pain and rubbed the bruise. “Applejack, just hear me out.”
“Nope,” ah threw another boot, smacin’ another changeling. Discord was a skittish critter. Ah was lucky to hit him the first time. Ah just had to be more precise from now on.
“Just one song,” Discord cupped his hands together. His tone and face were pleadin’ somethin’ fierce. “Please, that’s all I ask.”
Ah hesitated with the next boot. “Okay, just one. That’s it, y’all hear me?” They all nodded.
Discord beamed and then nodded to the changelings. Said changelings started chantin’, “Ooga-Chaka Ooga-Ooga.” Over and over.
“I can't stop this feeling~
Deep inside of me~
Girl, you just don't realize~
What you do to me~”
‘Not a bad start,’ ah mused. It had a nice melody and the varmint hadn’t pulled any strange tricks. ‘Yet.’
“When I see you~
In the Sunshine~
I’ll let you know~
That your bod’s so fine~
‘My bod aint fine,’ my scowl grew deeper, but so did the heat in my cheeks.
“I’m hooked on this feeling~” Discord belted the last part out, turnin’ a finger into a microphone. The fella pulled it out of his hand, re-growing a finger in its place. Several instruments appeared in the hooves of the changelin’s and started up with him.
“I’m not shy with saying~
That I surely love thee~
Coat as fine as sunshine~
I just want another stroke~”
Ah had to admit that it was nice when he stroked me…Ah’d never tell him though.
“Oh I so want you as mine~
Or I’ll go for broke~
Got a thing for you girl~
I didn’t know what it was~
But now that I do~
I’ll just keep this buzz~” He mimed the beating of his heart with his hands. Shamed to say this, but ah found my hoof tappin’ along with the beat.
“All the good stuff~
We do all the time~
I want that girl~
Want you to be mine~” Discord teleported him and the changeling into nothin’….
Only to appear a second later, in my room.
“I’m hooked on this feeling~
I’m not shy with saying~
That I surely love thee~”
The changelin’s kept up playin’ while Discord kneeled down to my level. Okay, close enough. He was quite a tall varmint, ah’ll give him that. At least he craned his head down to look at me.
“So,” Discord started. “Swooning yet.”
Ah snorted and turned my head away. “No, I’m just mighty miffed at ya right now, teleportin’ into my room. Don’t ya know it’s impolite to do so without the mare’s permission? Actually, don’t ya know how annoyin’ it is to be wokin’ up so late?”
“You weren’t even asleep,” Discord rolled his eyes. He interrupted me before I could accuse him of spyin’. “I talked with Granny for a bit. You were doing some late night bucking to clear your head. So, I thought I’d try and cheer you up. A friend of mine suggested music could do the trick.”
“Cheer me up?”
Discord nodded. “I want you to be happy, my dear Applejack. A happy mare is a fun mare.”
Ah was actually touched by that. He wanted me happy? And he was so sincere about it. Ah knew he did care, but to go out of his way to actually sing me a ballad?...’Gosh darn it, pony biology. Why you’ve got to make us like music so much?’
“Well,” ah was so red in the face that ah swear ah could pass for a tomato. “Thank you….” Then, ah did somethin’ ah didn’t expect. Ah leaned over and kissed his cheek. Discord froze in shock. “But don’t be expectin’ more of that any time soon, ya hear? One kiss is all this is good fer.”
Discord just nodded. He looked so laughably stunned, but ah was too hot and bothered to make somethin’ of it. Honestly…ah don’t know what ah’d do if the changelin’s weren’t here. ‘Nope, not that far. Consarnit music.’
“Now get out of my room or ah’ll get the boots,” ah growled, glarin’ so hard as to pierce their hides. The changelin’s cried out in terror and rushed for the open window, twirlin’ me around in their panic. Thankfully, Discord caught me before ah bumped into somethin’. Ah harshly poked my hoof into his snout. “That goes double fer ya, varmint.”
Again, Discord nodded without a word. It was unsettlin’, seein’ him to quiet. ‘Did ah do that?’ He steadied me onto my hooves and disappeared in a flash. Ah went over and looked out the window, but none of them could be seen.
Ah sighed. “This is going to be harder than ah thought.” ‘Felt nice, bein’ held so gently….no, no, no. Don’t go thinkin’ he’s gentle. He’s up to somethin’. Ah just know it.’
___________________________________________________________________________________
*Cadance*
Victory always tastes so sweet. Oh and I was victorious tonight. Discord actually pulled my plan off without his usual antics. Oh I was so proud of him. I didn’t see what happened in the room however, so I don’t know if he messed it up. I didn’t hear any shouting, or cursing, nor was Discord or my/Chrysalis’s soldiers chucked out the window. So, I’ll just chalk it up to a good night’s work.
However, when Discord came walking over to me in a zombified daze, I frowned. “Discord,” I trotted over to him. “Are you alright?”
No answer.
“You can tell me.”
Again, no answer.
“Please just say something. You’re scaring me,” I nuzzled him. He was my friend, in a strange sort of way. I hated seeing him like this.
“YAHOO!” Discord cried out so suddenly, I jumped back. He shot into the air like a rocket, even leaving a thick trail of smoke behind him. Once in the air, heart shaped, fireworks burst all around him and he kept on dancing. “She kissed me. She kissed me. HAHA! She actually kissed me.”
I smirked. “I see it worked after all.”
I yelped as Discord appeared by my side and pulled me into a tight hug. “Oh, I have to thank you, Candy. You’re the best love goddess ever!”
“Hold your enthusiasm,” I chuckled. “We’re not done yet. We still have a long ways, before Hearts and Hooves Day. Though, if she did kiss you….cheek or lips?”
“Cheek,” Discord started nailing a picture frame into his cheek, over the supposed kissing spot.
“Ah,” I nodded. “Good. I knew Applejack wasn’t ready for lip contact yet, so this is very good. It’s a big step and we might be further along than I thought….And get rid of that frame. It’s kind of creepy, doing that.”
Discord rolled his eyes and tapped the picture frame. Said frame than turned into a bird/frog/thing and ribbit/chirped as it flew away. “As you wish.”
“Discord, stop messing with mother nature.”
“I’ll stop messing with her when she apologizes,” he crossed his arms and snorted. “Just because I pulled some innocent pranks, doesn’t mean she can sick her anti-chaos Timber Wolves on me. Come on, I was a kid. How was I supposed to know that Atlantis couldn’t handle a little water? They shouldn’t have had that plug in the first place….It was just begging to be pulled.”
“They had a plug?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“I put it there, because I thought it would make the place look better,” Discord beamed in satisfaction.
“So,” I gave him my best ‘really?’ face. “You put a plug…in a city…that is above the water…to make it look better?”
“Yes,” Discord nodded.
“And then you pulled it?”
“Not automatically,” Discord rubbed his claws against his chest, like it was something to be proud of. “I mean, that would be stupid and reckless.”
I face-hooved. “Just….Let’s just plan for tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow~” Bright light shined behind Discord as he started singing again.
“No,” I harshly poked his chest. “No more singing! Just…just no more anything until I can wrap my head around all this nonsense.”
“That’s going to take a while.”