//------------------------------// // Ch. 99: No Rhyme or Reason, Just Gotta Fight // Story: The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody) // by TundraStanza //------------------------------// The "Light" and "Dark" under "Formatting" are a matter of choice, right? Properties belong to their respective owners. --- Four Lightning Round! Here, all the fights are settled without fluffy analysis! Eight opponents! Four fights! No research! Lightning Round! Start the clock and... Go! (DC Heroes vs. Power Ponies) ---Wonder Woman vs. Mistress Mare-velous--- A faint outline of an airplane glides through the air. A small dot emerges. It grows larger and shows a rather revealing outfit on the Amazonian princess. As she lands on the street, a pony that's in a zipped-up tight outfit yelps at the sudden noise. However, the mask doesn't hide the new rise in determination. It's time to tie up the loose ends. Begin! Wonder Woman grabs her tiara and tosses it forth. Mare-velous grabs a golden horseshoe-rang and performs a similar action. The projectiles collide in midair and bounce off with a loud metallic clang. Mare-velous gallops forth and throws in a kick or two. Wonder Woman ziplines out and around the screen. She seems to be walloping Mare-velous from every straight-lined direction that is possible from off the screen. Mare-velous grabs hold of her lasso and tries to toss the loop in front of her. Wonder Woman simply blurs behind her. She pulls out her own Lasso of Truth and loops it right around the middle of the Power Pony's body. It's a mighty tight fit. Mare-velous closes her eyes as her own rope suddenly glows yellow. It rises off the ground where she had initially tossed it and snakes around Wonder Woman. Mare-velous clenches her eyelids a little bit tighter. The psychic lasso obliges and seems to squeeze extremely tightly against Wonder Woman's neck. There's a popping noise followed by the Amazonian's head rolling along the ground. Finish! This round's winner is... Mistress Mare-velous. Next up, we're fighting furries! (Dust: An Elysian Tail vs. Blue Stranger, Red Curtain) ---Dust, Fidget, and Ahrah vs. Aoi Myoujin--- Welcome to the jungle. It's got fun and games... well, not really. This particular setup just has a lot of trees and a creek. A blue and black hat bobs up and down as the first combatant runs into a clearing. He holds a very exotic sword in one hand. His tail briefly shines in white for no reason. An orange nimbat flutters while panting near his head. "So... why are we here again?" "I don't know," admits the standing figure. "I just had a feeling is all." Another figure wearing sandals steps lively from the other end of the clearing before sliding to a halt. "Dare desu ka?" "What?" The nimbat tilts her head. "Are you friend or are you foe?" The first combatant holds his blade tensely. "Ikuzo!" The wolf unsheathes his katana. A blue eye and a red eye stare ahead with determination. "Have it your way." The white fox readies himself despite his eyes not showing at all. Let your swords howl. Begin! Both swordsmen dash lightly on their toes. Aoi Myoujin leaps into the air and spins. Dust mirrors these motions. The Blade of Ahrah clangs against Kokuryū no Saishū-bin. One more spin puts Dust on top. He forces Aoi to land prematurely before quickly swinging down. Aoi steps back just in time to avoid Ahrah slamming into the ground. The fox and wolf charge each other again. This time, they perform the typical choreography of two quick sword swingers. This involves a lot of swinging, a lot of grunting, and a lot of clanging sparks. Dust sneaks in three pummeling impacts. Aoi retorts with a couple swings that draw blood and a pained exclamation from the fox. Dust steps back and spins his sword at a ridiculously fast speed. A light breeze shakes the garb that Aoi is wearing, but he doesn't look the least bit perturbed. However, the real secret to this attack is coming from a small light being launched off the nimbat behind him. As the light hits the Dust Storm, it multiplies into several light orbs. These orbs circle around and bat Aoi around from every which direction. It yields at least a seventy-five hit combo. Myoujin falls onto his back. Dust runs forward once more. But as he swings down, Kokuryū no Saishū-bin is suddenly lifted up and the swords clang once more. The wolf pushes just hard enough to send the fox flying. In an instant, the positions of the fighters are reversed and the wolf is rushing forth. "She-nay!" Aoi swings his sword across a suddenly black screen. Fidget yells as the bottom half of her body goes soaring while the rest of her falls to the ground. "Fidget!" Dust's teal eyes suddenly gleam underneath his hat. He yells in rage and rushes forth. His next swing knocks the dragon-infused sword clear out of Aoi's hand. "Dust, you're burning yourself out!" warns Ahrah as Dust's fur gains a slight tint of red. Dust hardly seems to care as he hooks one of his sword's points into the back of Aoi's collar. He leaps into the air, and swings straight down. The impact with the ground is much more forceful this time around. Neither of Aoi's eye colors is visible. As the fox pants harshly, there are a few quiet bells as three mysterious wall chickens disappear from his inventory. Finish! This round's winner is... Dust. The next round is electrifying! (Mortal Kombat vs. The Conversion Bureau) ---Raiden vs. Xenolestia--- A large barrier is consuming the human planet. A mockery of Celestia stands proudly as her facilities "save" the humans from being erased. However, several golden dragons and a burst of blue lightning interrupt her unconditional takeover. Something in the visage of a man stands with glowing white where his eyes should be. "You violate our will!" he shouts in several different voices at once. "You merge the realms without victory in Mortal Kombat! Our penalty is clear!" May the gods be ever in your favor! Begin! Raiden holds his hands in a motion similar to a Ryu's Hadouken, though a bit slower and deliberate. Orange lightning races forth from his hands. It is quickly scattered along a large barrier that Xenolestia conjures around herself. She crashes her own spell and takes flight. A burst of magic spits out of her horn. A surge of blue sparks washes over Raiden, and he vanishes. He teleports behind Xenolestia, and delivers three precise slaps. The third of which is accentuated by a closed circuit of blue lightning. After imitating one of Frankenstein's spasms, the alicorn quickly teleports herself away and turns around to stare angrily at her opponent. The thunder god zaps forth several lightning jolts. Xenolestia puts up a force field and deflects the electricity. Raiden's quick-paced teleporting delivers five kicks from just as many directions against her shield. She expands her orb and the sudden increase in the spell's diameter knocks Raiden back several yards in the air. He spouts a line of gibberish as he glides forward again. From within her sphere, Xenolestia calls upon both her Equestrian sun and this new world's sun to rain solar fire upon her approaching enemy. Several trees, grassland, and houses get consumed by the resulting flames. One of the unlucky ponies releases the Wilhelm scream. Too bad for the pony ruler, but Raiden teleports inside her barrier and injects kilowatts into her that are off the charts. Several pony chunks scatter inside the sphere before the shield spell dissipates completely. In a showing display, Raiden holds his hands up and sparks fly between them. Finish! This round's winner is... Raiden. Fatality! Let the destruction continue! (Dreamland vs. Equestria) ---Kirby vs. Pinkie Pie--- The little pink puffball waves his limb around in a punching flurry. Meanwhile, his opponent hops around in blissful glee. "Whee!" she cheers, "This is going to be fun!" Go for broke! Begin! Kirby leaps up and throws his hammer down. The mallet smacks Pinkie right on the forehead, leaving her squinting in pain. Meanwhile, Kirby performs a backflip in midair before slamming down in his stone form. He bounces off the pony and she recoils back from the impact. She shakes her head before pulling out her piñata-breaking bat. The star warrior tries inflating himself and floating a few feet up. However, the pony quickly stretches her neck like a giraffe and whacks him with the bat. The Warp Star flies in and catches the falling warrior just as he shakes off his injury. The pony chooses this time to take a snack break and starts drinking straight from a hot sauce bottle. Kirby interrupts by inhaling the bottle right out of her hoof. A twinkle transforms him into Fire Kirby. He breathes out a huge inferno over his entire surroundings. When the fires finally calm down a bit, a charred Pinkie Pie releases a smoky cough. Despite her second-degree burns, she still finds the strength to pull out a different bottle and... blow bubbles. The glycerol spheres pop upon impact with Kirby's head, but they also put out that particular Copy power. Upon this light burst, Kirby falls onto the ground with a bouncing sound effect. He steps back to his feet and starts sucking up like there's no tomorrow. The vortex drags Pinkie Pie closer and closer to his mouth. She swims against the current, but to no avail. In a last ditch effort, Pinkie uses both hooves to grab the sides of Kirby's mouth. The rest of her is comically already inside of him. Suddenly, her shade of pink starts flowing out and covers Kirby. Pinkie's cheeks swell as she starts sucking on the puffball himself. She then proceeds to spit him out and sticks out her tongue in disgust. The pony then proceeds to grab the little guy and stuff him into her Party Cannon. She slams down on the fire button. At high speeds, Kirby is launched out. He screams all the way into the distant sky. He disappears like a twinkling star. "Who says Kirby isn't bright?" Pinkie chuckles. Finish! This round's winner is... Pinkie Pie. --- Next time on Death Battle... ~Ah, ah, ah Ah, ah~ "What was that?" ~Ah, ah, ah Ah, ah~ "What was that?" ~Ah, ah, ah Ah, ah~ "Don't worry. I can handle 'em." ~Ah, ah, ah Ah, ah~ "Sonic Hedgehog, remember: We work together!" ---