I rolled over and found myself trapped in the bed sheets. Somepony was there with me, rubbing my back, at least until I entangled myself further.
“Dawn, wake up.”
My eyes scrunched closed and I tried to go back to sleep. It was uncomfortable, but sleep seemed the easiest option for myself.
“Dawn, are you alright?” Fluttershy asked.
“Yeah, let me go back to sleep,” I answered.
“You were shouting in your sleep, rather loudly…” She tugged at some of the blankets in an attempt to untangle me from the mess I’d made of her bed.
“No, I don’t remember that, I just want some more sleep.” I let out a loud yawn and tried to slither my way deeper into the blankets hoping she’d leave me alone. I knew that I hadn’t slept well; I kept waking up and going back to sleep, but I certainly would have remembered if I’d been yelling.
“Dawn, I’m worried about you.”
“Don’t be, go bug Dash and let me sleep.”
Fluttershy sighed, getting off the bed and standing next to it. “She’s not here, you asked her to make it snow for you, remember? I’m making breakfast, why don’t we spend some time together today?”
I knew she meant well, and finally gave in. “Alright, but we’re not gonna talk about it, not at all.” A few tears rolled down my cheek and I quickly pressed my face against the comforter to hide them.
“Okay, Dawn, come down when you’re ready.
After she left, things quieted down. While I waited to fall asleep, I recalled how alone I had felt when I arrived in Equestria, and how badly I wanted not to be alone. Now that all the ponies had made me part of their community, alone was the only thing I wanted to be. I slowly felt myself slipping back to sleep and into that peaceful void where nopony could hurt me.
I stretched out on a park bench and watched some birds fly by. High in the air there was a plane leaving a long contrail. It took me a moment to recall what it was, having been so long since I saw one.
I sat up and looked for another pony, spotting one walking nearby. “Hey, do you see that?” I pointed up in the air at the plane. We both looked up to where it had been, but saw nothing there.
When I looked back for the other pony they were gone, and I got the feeling I was being watched. I spun around and saw Mayor Mare standing there with two police officers. “Dawn, we need you to come in for questioning…”
I tilted my head as I heard police sirens in the distance, drawing ever closer. “What? Why?”
“Take it easy, Dawn.” The Mayor signaled the police who started to creep forward. “We just need to make sure you’re not a threat.”
“Of course I’m not a threat! There are worse ponies out there than me!”
“Are there, Dawn?” Lyra asked.
I turned back around, no longer on the park bench, but instead at the police station. On the other side of the table I saw Lyra and one of the police ponies from earlier. “Why are you doing this to me? I did nothing wrong!”
“Then why do you look so guilty?” Lyra shook her head and turned to the police officer. “The guilty ones never admit when they do something wrong.”
“Damn it!” I slammed my hooves on the table. “I told you I’ve got nothing to be guilty about! You should be out there beating the shit out of Soarin, not hounding me!”
“Toss him into lock up,” Lyra ordered.
The police pony walked around the table, levitating a pair of hoofcuffs. “No!” I turned and ran to the door and tried to open it. It was locked. Through the small window in the door I saw Iris standing there, one of my personality fragments that often haunted my dreams. “Iris! Help me! Open the door!”
She turned to look at me, her frown slowly turning into a wide grin that showcased venomous fangs. A deep laugh reverberated through the air as she turned and walked away.
I felt the police pony grab me, forcing one hoof into the cuffs. “Let go!” I kicked a leg out, hitting him in the chest. As I turned to face him I saw the wooden table with ropes, stolen potions, and the small cell…
Instead of the police officer, it was Soarin staring at me now. “Be a good girl, Dawn. You know you want me to mount you again.”
This time as I woke up I could hear myself screaming, and felt Fluttershy trying to hold me down. “You’re okay, Dawn! You’re okay!” She had a look of fear on her face I’d rarely seen. Her eyes had gone wide and her lips seemed to quiver. Fluttershy could be brave when a villain threatened her, but it shook her to the core to see her friends suffer.
“Fluttershy?” I felt my heart racing, the pulse pounding in my neck. Both forelegs were wrapped in the blanket and I slowly began to pull them out. “You’re crying?”
She quickly glanced away, wiping the evidence away with her hoof. “Are you okay, Dawn?”
“I’m fine… I remember screaming, but I don’t remember why. I was in the park with Lyra, and there was an airplane…” I fought the foggy haze as the dream slipped away, offering only fleeting glimpses of what had gotten me so upset.
Fluttershy nodded. “And you don’t wanna talk about it?”
“There’s still no need to talk about this stuff right now okay? If I start talking to you, soon everypony else will want to talk. It’s bad enough to say what happened once, I don’t want to have to tell it over and over again.”
Fluttershy nodded and released me from the hug. “Okay, but you owe it to me and Dash to be honest.”
I sighed, this just didn’t seem like a battle I was going to win. They wanted me to talk about it, but I could at least delay it. “Fine, but not today. Maybe if the nightmares continue, but trust me when I say I can’t deal with it right now. It’s best if we just pretend it’s a normal day so I can unwind.”
She sniffed the air. “Oh, that smells like the toast burning.” Fluttershy got up and walked towards the door. “I think I’ll have to start breakfast over.”
“That’s fine, I’ll be down in a few minutes.”
I rolled over and pulled the covers to my chin, shivering even though it wasn’t cold in the room. Memories of my nightmare were creeping back to me. I tried to think of anything but Soarin. First I tried to think about baseball. I’d never been much of a fan, so I tried thinking of a fishing trip I took once in the Atlantic instead.
The more I thought about Earth, the more I realized how little I could remember of it. Worse yet, the nightmare became the elephant in the room. The harder I tried not to think about it, the longer my mind lingered on it. As upset as I now was, it wasn’t possible I’d be falling back asleep anytime soon.
Groaning in defeat, I pushed the covers away and rolled onto my back, looking down at my belly. At least with some time alone and without hospital wires and needles stuck all over me, I could examine myself.
I’d only spent a day or two as a female before the kidnapping. It was still surreal to think I was stuck this way until I’d delivered the foal. Doctor Stable had to figure out what drugs or potions I’d been given. He’d asked if I’d like to be part of a study, and said it’d only take an extra week. Luckily Fluttershy and Dash had pushed for my discharge from the hospital.
Figuring it’d cheer me up to think positive, I tried to list some benefits of my new body. It was a bit smaller and lighter, with fewer parts to get in my way. My hair was now mostly blue, and the pink fur was growing on me as well. My eyes didn’t linger long on my stomach as I imagined what might be growing in there. If it was Soarin’s foal I’d be well within my rights to terminate the pregnancy, but the very thought scared me and shook me to the core.
What would the ponies think? Did they even allow that here? Would terminating the pregnancy just prove what Soarin said was true, that I’m a monster who doesn’t value life?
I shook my head and quickly got out of bed and went downstairs for breakfast. I didn’t want to linger on any of those thoughts right now. There were surely better ways to use my time than playing “what if”. Also, if I could just make it a week or two until things settled down I’d never have to think about it again. Everything would go back to normal, Soarin would rot in a dungeon, and I’d have a family and friends.
Once I got to the dinner table, I saw toast and eggs on the plate. Fluttershy was pouring the orange juice to go with it. “Feeling better, Dawn?”
“I guess.” There was a chair with its back to the wall and I went and sat in it, pulling my plate over. I felt a bit safer when I knew nopony could be standing behind me. Even here with Fluttershy, some part of me didn’t want to trust anypony at all.
“Well, Twilight wants to come over to see if you’re okay. Everypony does, actually, and I’ve already turned Pinkie and Rarity away this morning… I thought you wouldn’t want to wake up and find us all hovering over you like at the hospital. They’ll be back soon though, you slept in late.”
The toast was buttered and crunchy, but still tasted good to my hungry stomach. “Thanks for that.” I looked at her, chewing a mouth-full of food. “Oh… you think Dash will get the snow going?”
She nodded and swallowed her food. “If anypony can get it done in a single day, it’s her.”
We sat and ate in silence, and I quickly devoured most of what she had prepared. I hadn’t had someone to cook for me before so most of my meals came from a can. Now that I was a pony, most of them came from apple trees. Perhaps it’s good that I’ve found something other than fresh fruit to eat.
“That breakfast was delicious.” I leaned back and patted my full belly.
Fluttershy gave me a curious look, her eyes focused on my belly. “You’re not feeling nauseous?”
“Huh, why?”
“Usually in the first couple months mares can get morning sickness.”
A light switch flicked on in my head and I looked down, remembering with a small shudder what she was talking about. With a foal growing inside me I’d likely be noticing several changes coming on soon, and not all of them were good. “Oh… None yet.”
“I’ve got a plant for nausea so if it does happen just let me know, okay?”
She got up and started grabbing dishes. I would have gotten up and offered to help, but something outside caught my eye. Once I was close enough to get a better view outside, I saw powdered snow falling to the ground. It was so fine that it was hard to see, but it was definitely the first snow of winter in Ponyville.
I quickly went outside and stood on the stone path in front of her cottage. The stones were still warm from the sunlight and hadn’t been covered in the thin layer of snow yet. Looking upward I saw the white overcast sky from whence all of this weather was coming. A few shapes darted around, and I recognized one of them as Thunderlane.
The fur and feathers kept me comfortably warm, though I could tell from my quickly freezing nose that it was in fact quite cold outside. Still, it beat wearing layer upon layer of clothing, and just being here in the snow brought back memories. Making snow angels, snowball fights, or the time my friend and I thought it’d be a good idea to sled down a hill towards a thicket of trees.
“Isn’t it beautiful?” The voice came to me like a whisper on the wind. I turned to face the source and jumped back in surprise.
“Don’t sneak up on me like that!” Dash was grinning ear to ear and I gave her a playful push away as my heart pounded in my chest. I felt myself let out a soft laugh and then reached over and hugged her.
“You okay, Dawn? You’re crying.”
“Thanks, Dash. For the snow, for being here, everything… I’m…” I felt tears well up as I looked into the eyes of the mare who had committed to seeing me through this whole ordeal. As she wrapped her forelegs around me protectively, I could smell her scent digging deep into my nostrils. I inhaled, closing my eyes and willing the stress, memories, and nightmares all to dissipate. I felt safe. As long as Dash had me in her embrace, I would be just fine.
The sound of Pinkie laughing and ponies chatting rose over the far hill. Shapes began to come into view as our friends approached from the distance. I reached a leg up and waved towards them, then gave Dash a kiss before sitting down on the ground next to her.
“You’ve got horrible bed feathers, and yet your mane looks fine…” Dash shook her head and let out a chuckle. “Well, I can fix the feathers, but are you going to be okay with… everything else?” Her voice was soft and motherly, comforting and calm. As she straightened a few hairs away from one of my wings, she began to preen it.
“Yeah I’ll be fine, I’ve got the two hottest mares in Equestria sharing a bed with me. I think I can manage.” I laughed, earning a light punch in my side.
“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” Dash was making quick work on my wings as I watched the snow fall. “Just let me know the second anything’s not okay, deal? Because next time you kick me out of bed, I might kick back.” She stuck her tongue out at me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “All is fair in sleep and war.”
“Come on, let’s get inside and make sure the fire is lit. I had a talk with them, so hopefully things don’t get too awkward, just some mares having hot cocoa and talking about winter.”
Dash turned and walked towards the door, keeping an eye on me until she reached it and went inside.
My mind wandered from that one simple phrase she had said. I was a mare now, and a pregnant one at that. If someone had told me I’d be like this I wouldn’t have believed them. I’d probably have thought they were insane and hurried across the street before they robbed me.
Now, things were different, far more serious and difficult to deflect. I shuddered as the memories came back, and struggled to force them out. Trying to not think of something is far harder than thinking of something. I began to focus again on the positives, that despite everything that had happened, I had a loving family. I’d been accepted in the community and had several close friends.
Soarin may have broken me, even if I won’t admit it, but with my friends’ help, I’d piece my life back together one step at a time.