My Voice in a Head

by Lord Destrustor


Chapter eleven bruises that are totally not my fault

Chapter 11

A door creaked open, apparently the one leading to the kitchen or wherever that coffee had been prepared.

“Was that… is he out?”

“Come on, Key,” Lock’s voice answered the newcomer, “you saw how much of the stuff I put in there.”

Hoofsteps drew closer, joining Lock where he was standing behind his desk if the sounds were any indication. “And he drank it all?”

“To the last drop. You have the rope?”

-Oh hell no.

“Yeah, here.”


-Oh holy shit what the fuck is going on?

The clopping of what were probably eight hooves started coming closer, splitting up around the table.

“So, he’s the one?”

“Boss seems to think so, she gave me the secret word and everything.”

-Okay, fuck. I have to do something! I have to… I… I can’t do anything at all, can I?

“Well at least he doesn’t look too heavy.”

“Heh, yeah. What a nerd.”

-Unless… Hey.

“So, now we tie him up, and uh…”

-Okay, okay.

“Just catch that.”

A length of rope fell on the base of our neck. It was coarse, cold, and it definitely felt sturdy.

-Ahem. …Hey, ‘Brain’? Look, I know you can hear me, okay? I saw what you let me do with that leg yesterday. Now, I know I’m not the guy usually in charge, but I need you to listen to me for a while.

The rope slid over me, moved by the two guys while they prepared to tie me up. The foreleg still resting on the table was gently grabbed and moved backwards, held next to our back.

-I’m going to ask you one thing, and it’s very important that you listen to me, okay? I’m trying to save our life or something here, so it’d be great if you just did what I’m about to ask you.

“Are you sure he’s knocked out? He looks like he’s still listening.”

-Even if you don’t want to do it for me, at least do it for Silver, okay? You owe it to him at least.

“Oh, come on, it’s probably just a reflex; you saw the dose I mixed in there.” Our left foreleg was also grabbed, beginning its ascent to join her sister behind my back. “I’m almost more worried about him dying on us, actually.”

-What I’m asking is pretty simple: I want you… no, I need you…

“That sounds needlessly dangerous, what is that stuff anyway?” The rope drew closer to my hooves.

-To…

“Some kind of cow tr-“

“MOOOOOVE!” I suddenly managed to sit back up, flailing my forelegs everywhere while I screamed. They both hit something soft and warm, but the thing on the right was just a bit harder. I heard Lock, to my left, yell out in surprise while the guy on my right just fell down. Then, I finally managed to open my eyes.

I looked at Lock, fighting with my eyelids to keep them open. He just stared at me, his own eyes almost as wide as his entire head. He still had the rope in his mouth, and it wasn’t long before he bit down on it and narrowed his eyes.

“Oh no you don’t,” he growled, lunging at me. I’d like to say that what happened next was the result of martial prowess or incredible reflexes, but to be honest it was just a fluke. When he jumped towards me, I leaned away as if that would help; which only caused me to topple the chair. Falling like that made our body stiffen up by reflex, and the hind legs caught Lock in the stomach. He passed right over me, our collective movement sending him sailing face-first into a wall. I landed on my back and kept tumbling until I was lying on top of the other guy, while Lock just collapsed in a heap behind me.

I paused for a second, catching my breath with wide eyes.

-Holy shit that worked.

“Hholssh’t ahdwrkt”

-Great, I can’t even speak properly. Hey, Silver? Are you there? We kinda need to move and I’m not sure I can drive quadruped!

Still nothing. It was all on me, apparently. Whoop-dee-doo. Okay.

My first attempt at getting up made me push myself forward like some kind of retarded seal, jumping just high enough that the chair I had forgotten right in front of me caught me directly between the eyes.

“Aah! Ffffokk!”

I clamped my han… my hooves over my face and groaned in pain for a second or so.

-Silver! Get back here and drive this stupid body right now!

Okay, attempt number two. I stretched my forelegs as far forward as possible before bringing the hind ones back under me, and then I pushed up. To my great surprise it worked, and I was reminded of equine birth scenes in nature documentaries, where the foal tries to get up minutes after being born. I felt slightly less agile than those.

-Oh great, now I’m imagining equestrian ponies giving birth. Thanks, brain, I really needed that right now!

“Ahrreelin’deddatrihtnau!”

Whatever, now I needed to get the hell out of there. And that meant walking. Fuck. Okay, my arms were already extended in front of me, which meant the hind legs needed to go first.


-Spring, you fucker, how did you make this feel so easy?

I focused for a moment, trying to remember how he had been doing it all this time. You’d think it would be easy after doing it for two days… I really should have paid more attention.

So I tried lifting the left hind leg and bringing it a bit closer, which was a challenge in itself because setting it down actually implied reaching out with the very tip of what I felt was my “foot” and basically standing like I was wearing high heels. It took me a few tries.

So then it was time to move one of the front legs? I wasn’t really sure yet. But then one of the two guys on the floor grunted in pain, and I found myself running into the wall I had been looking at.

Adrenaline pumping, I looked at them to make sure they weren’t actually moving or getting up. They weren’t. Good.

“Waaaidaminutt.” I was not where I’d been just an instant before. I had moved? I managed to run?

-Oh, great. I have to not think about it if I want it to work.

I looked at the door, just a few feet ahead.

“Leshtry dhis.” I willed myself forward, deliberately avoiding thinking about those stupidly numerous legs under me. I decided to focus on something else, something not related to the task at hand at all; something round-ish and orange and heavy and apparently delicious for some reason and seriously Silver what is it with you and pumpkins it’s starting to seep into me!

-Damnit I never even tasted anything made with pumpkins! Silveeeeeer! Wake up you stupi-oh Hey I’m at the door.

I was, indeed, at the door. Wow, such amazing progress, I had managed to walk about ten feet!

And now I was faced with a door. A closed door that I couldn’t just grab with my hand and open, like the thousands of doors I had already opened in my life. I looked down at the hooves that had usurped my hands, then at the doorknob, then back at my hooves, then back at the door.

“There’sh noway thish ihz gonna work.”

I let myself lean on the wall for support while I lifted the right hoof and brought it to the latch-like rounded knob-thingy that stuck out from the door. It felt a little bit softer than what I expected, or maybe I was imagining things since these hooves clearly weren’t as tactile as I expected my own appendages to be.

So, with a firm-ish grip on the knob, Silver’s stupid brain decided the best way to turn it was to kinda lean forward, putting too much weight on a limb that wasn’t holding me up. Yup, it was definitely Silver’s brain’s dumbness that sent me slide-falling on the floor when the door clicked and swung open away from me and the wall that used to be propping me up. I certainly wouldn’t have been that stupid in my own body, no siree.

Anyway, I eventually let go of the knob, finding myself once again on the floor. Oh, but this time I was facing the ceiling, so there was that, I guess. And then it turned out the door had kept going after I let it go, bouncing on the little wall-protecting door-stopper spring-thingy to come back straight for my head.

-Ow, god damnit!

“Ow, gdd dfffrt!”

Setting aside the latest entry in this wonderful parade of minor injuries, and the growing feeling that I really needed to work on my pronunciation of words; I remembered I was in somewhat of a hurry to get the hell out of this place.

“What’s going on out there?” As if the world wanted to confirm my latest thought, it brought to my creepy mobile ears the surprisingly terrifying sound of Doctor Bullshit’s voice seemingly wafting through at least two doors or walls. “You know I want silence for this!” Although distant and muffled, the words were clearly shouted.

And then, the sudden act of noticing my right eye was actually derping outwards by itself made me internalize just how fucked up this whole situation was. Trapped in an alien body, drugged, barely in control of said body, completely alone and with no idea what to do to change any single one of those things.

-Yeah, great, I’m really feeling it today. Absolutely wonderful! Y’know what, Silver? I think I’m just going to get up, learn how to run, and then I’ll do that until you wake up. How about that?





-Great! I knew you’d like that idea! Here goes!

So with a nice, friendly grin that was in no way an indication of my rapidly deteriorating mental stability, I blindly swung both my left legs towards the right. I thus rolled to my belly and proceeded to rise back up like I’d done a few minutes ago. …A few seconds ago? Whatever. I shook my head and looked out the open door, noticing the imminently setting sun and definitely not the grunts and the sounds of hoof-on-floor somewhere behind me. Oh, no sir, there was no way these two guys were already waking up! I mean, if they were indeed waking up, they’d have a chance to catch me, and…

“Yoo can’t catshhh DA WIND!”

So my face met the dirt outside, but it was fine! There was a lot of grass on that cobblestone road!

And then I fell again, but this time I aimed for the side of the road, so I only got two or three pebbles in my mouth! And I made it at least two steps further than my first attempt!

The third try was really fun! I flew about five feet when I tumbled down, and I did a little acrobatic pirouette when my head hit the ground! I finished rolling with all four hooves on the earth, so I was primed and ready to try again!

The fourth attempt lasted a lot longer than the other ones; I didn’t actually fall when I tripped on my own legs and a random stone simultaneously! I just kinda crumpled into a crouching position, but I kept going. This was getting easier! Maybe I wouldn’t fall down again at all this time!

And I didn’t! I just stumbled around like I was nearly black-out drunk. With my eyes refusing to stay open, this all made running pretty hard. But hey, I managed to get the hang of it!

I was running! Or galloping, whatever! Running like a pony!

“Hah haha heh, I’m a pony!” I laughed as best as possible given that I was running and slowly getting out of breath, which meant it was a kind of choppy giggle. “I’m a sshilly lliddle pony!”

Then I came to a screeching halt, gasping. I looked at my hooves.

And then I punched myself, because I had forgotten gentle slaps aren’t possible with hooves. I stumbled around for a second, recovering from the holy-shit-my-everything-hurt.

-What the hell are you even doing you dumbass?




I don’t really know why I expected a response; I knew it was a self-rhetoric question, Silver’s brain wasn’t making me that stupid. I guess I was just used to his presence or something.

Speaking of which, he wasn’t here to answer, and that was a huge problem; a huge problem I should have been doing something about instead of just running across town while giggling like a drunk idiot.

But what could I do? This crazy world had yet to do anything to conform to my perfectly reasonable expectations, so I couldn’t trust even trust my own judgement in here! I… I really needed Silver to wake the fuck up.

I needed help.

I looked up, wrestling with my eyelids to keep them open. The streets were practically deserted, which made sense given the orange blaze of the setting sun was being methodically eaten up by the purple of the night. Yeah, because being drugged and lost sounded so much more fun at night.

I decided to resume walking at least, in case those two goons were chasing me. It couldn’t hurt to keep moving. I, of course, kept my eyes as peeled as possible despite their stubbornness, looking for anything that could help me; either something to wake Silver up, or someone I could maybe try to reason with. Or at least the two guys who might be after me so I’d know to run away.

And that was how I managed to spot the huge leafy thing looming in the distance in front of me.

-No… fucking way. …Of course.

Yes, a giant-ass tree, that I recognized as housing a… still-awesome library; that I remembered as housing a certain “national hero” who also happened to be a purple horse.

Sure she was the one who sent me to that creepy twitching maniac, but something told me one didn’t become a national hero by being accomplice to whatever the doc wanted with us.

…Unless this world was way more fucked up than I’d given it credit for…

But the main question was, of course, what other choice did I have? At the very least, I wouldn’t have Silver chickening out on what I told him to say. If you want something done right, I guess.

Thanks to either crazy luck or simple panicked paranoia, I glanced behind me in time to see a pair of stallions run out of an alley. A visibly bruised pair of dudes I instantly recognized as exactly the ones I was running from.

With all the grace of a dead whale, I threw myself behind the nearest random crate in the hopes that they wouldn’t see me. Straining the ears to point towards them, I heard them arguing about something.

“One of us should’ve stayed near the station to make sure he can’t stir the police!”

“No, we have to look for him before he gets anywhere! If he didn’t head straight for the guards, he probably didn’t think of it yet! I’m sure he’d run home first! Come on, he wrote his address on the form, and I know where that is, so let’s at least check there next!”

“Can’t we just split up to cover more area?”

“As if either of us could take him on one on one! He already kicked our faces in way too easily for such a…”

The rest of their conversation got too quiet to hear once they ran farther into the street that would lead them to Silver’s house. I stayed quiet and hidden until even the sound of their hooves faded, and then I toppled to the ground when I tried to get back up.

-Fuck this body.

So I got back up properly, and resumed my fantastic journey to the library. The setting sun was both a blessing and a curse for that, as the advancing hour seemed to make most ponies retreat to their homes. Not having a crowd to weave through was nice, but having a crowd to hide in would have been a whole lot nicer. As it was, I couldn’t help but look everywhere in fear of seeing those two goons show up out of nowhere.

Fortunately, I seemed to attract less attention than I expected from someone hurriedly stumbling around town while drunkenly watching every corner of the streets. An aggressively fuchsia mare nodded at me with a sly, knowing grin while pointing a green glass bottle in my direction. She was obviously drunk, a state I guess I must have resembled with the droopy ears, eyes, and the stumbling.

Holy hell did getting smashed sound inviting at that moment, though. However, while I did arguably look drunk, I was still able-minded enough to know that it would be an unbelievably bad idea; even ignoring the fact that boozing it up while being chased by shady dudes was incredibly stupid, I couldn’t imagine what effects mixing whatever drug we’d taken with alcohol could have.

I’d probably have a very bad time either way.

And besides, I had other things to think about; the house-tree-library was drawing closer. The leafy branches hid the full glory of the architecture, but then again I liked the tree’s design and didn’t care for the layout as much as the fact that sweet hell that was a literal tree-house. Looking up at said branches let me see the darkening sky for a moment before the canopy hid it.

My eagerness to find myself at least a wall away from my pursuers made me overlook the idea of thinking about what I was about to say before politely battering the door with my hooves.

A light voice said something I didn’t understand over the rattling of the door, and I soon found myself face-to-face with Twilight Whatsherface herself.

“Help!” I shout-whispered, already walking forward without waiting to be invited. She had the presence of mind to back away, avoiding a collision. As soon as it was physically possible, I slammed the door behind me and looked for a way to lock it. After about half a second of fruitless search, I resorted to just leaning back against it.

Twilight was looking at me with a puzzled and slightly worried expression, a single foreleg raised to her chest. “What-“

“You’re shome kind ov’ero, right?”

“Uh, w-“

“Like, one of dzhe good guysh, for real?” I walked past her to lift the curtain from the nearest window, looking outside while the cool breeze of the young night blew past my face. They were nowhere in sight.

“I suppose I did do a few ‘heroic’ things; and I’m definitely not a ‘bad guy’, if that’s what you mean by that,” she spoke behind me. I turned to face her. “Is there a problem? You seem-“

“Okay, okay, …okay. What I’m about to tell you ijh gonna shound incredibly fucking crajhy, but,” I ignored her shocked expression, “I really really needjou to believe me because I’m pretty shure livjes are liderlaly at stake here.”

“You sound… uh, drunk. Are you-“

“No, not drunk. Look, I jusht really wantshou to try to keep an open mind and please pleashje try to believe what I’m about to say.”

“Honestly, I’m almost certain I’ve seen worse than whatever you’re about to say, and I-“

I‘m not quite sure what that expression on her face was; some kind of smugness or probably something meant to be reassuring, but it quickly vanished when I replied.

“I’m not Silver Spring. I’m not even a pony. I woke up in his head, in his mind, yeshterday morning and we have no idea what’s going on. Silver sheems to trust you, and I don’t know who else to trust, so… help?”

I kinda reached out to her, which, come to think of it, is something I’m not sure why people do. She backed away with an almost imperceptible hop.

“Okaaay,” she said, an awkward smile curling her lips, “Haven’t heard that one before. Did you visit that nice doctor I told you ab-“

“Yeah, we did! And that’sh exzactly the fucking problem right now, because she had her creepy assishhhtants put some kind of fucking drug in our coffee while we weren’t looking, and n-snork-did you hear that!? He’s snoring now! He’s asleep and I can’t wake him up and I don’t know what to do and-“

Everything turned pink. Or rather, pink-er. I felt the hooves leave the wooden floor as a flashy cloud of pink… energy appeared around me.

“First of all; language,” she said, her horn glowing while she lifted me off the ground. “Secondly, I’m not sure what’s going on with you, but I’m pretty sure I’m not actually qualified to deal with it. You’re either having some sort of episode or you simply had too much to drink.”

“But-“

“No! That’s enough interruptions! Rainbow was right; I don’t have time to deal with this.” I felt the strange pull of inertia in my gut when she started floating me on my back towards the door. “I’m expecting very important guests tonight, and you’re making me late in my preparations! If you really have a problem, I know some nice policeponies on Hay Avenue who would be glad to decide if I actually need to get involv-“

I swear I didn’t mean to interrupt her that time. It’s just that floating upside down in a freaky cloud of tingly light while hearing my hopes getting murdered by her skepticism was kinda hard on my already-fragile disposition.

…I started flailing blindly and screaming.

Turns out she’d turned to look at the door while she glided me by. I felt my right hand, or rather Silver’s right fore-hoof, collide with something soft and warm and yelping for the second time in the span of a few hours. I immediately fell to the floor, almost in sync with her.

-Holy shit what did I just do?

A second passed where I caught my breath after having it knocked out of me by a hard floor, and then I rolled to our hooves in order to assess what had just happened.

“Oh my god I’m so shorry!”

Twilight was curled up on the floor, clutching her face and groaning in pain, with a small yet growing puddle of blood dripping from under her hooves. Her right eye cracked open to look at me, and I instinctively backed away, shaking my head.

“Ow… How…” she bubbled out with her pained snort-breaths.

-I just fucking punched some kind of fucking celebrity square in the fucking face.

“Ohmygodohmygod I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t mean to it was an accident I just panicked and-“

And then someone knocked on the door.

“Miss Sparkle,” Lock’s voice shouted from outside, “Is everything alright? We came to ask if you’d seen an unstable stallion who ran away from Doctor Smiles’ care, but we think we just heard you yell! Are you okay Miss Sparkle? Is somepony in there with you?”

I bet if my eyes had managed to open wider than they were right then, they would have swallowed Silver’s entire head. Even Twilight had stopped moving and was just staring at me with her own amethyst dinnerplates.

-Yup, now I’m definitely an insane person. No one will ever believe otherwise. It's already written in the history books.

I felt as if the world was suddenly shrinking around me, constricting my lungs and my head and making everything generally spin. I took a deep breath to calm myself, then another one when that didn’t work, then another and another and another…

-I fucked everything up again and now Silver will find a way to kill me when he wakes up because the one time I was in control I made him assault a VIP and holy shit that’s a lot of blood and what am I even going to do I’m already on the run and the cops will be after me too and those two assholes are right at the fucking door and I don’t even know what to say anymore because there’s really nothing I can say to defend myself now because she must already think I’m crazy and anything I tell her is fucking pointless after saying I’m a non-pony impostor who stole Silver’s body somehow and how could I ever think she’d even believe that and and and I… I…

-I just ruined Silver’s life, didn’t I?

Drops of… sweat, probably, ran down my face and fell to the floor, shaken loose by my rapid breathing and the left-right swaying of my head. My vision was all blurry all of a sudden; I guess the drugs were kicking in again or something. “Please don’t blame Silver Spring for this,” I whispered, “It’s not his fault I’m such an idiot.”

She seemed puzzled, which was good for her because I didn’t really feel like thinking too much about anything anymore. This spinning dizzying room was getting way too hot and my enthusiastic breathing didn’t seem to be doing me much good. I needed some fresh air. Also I needed to get away from here, and then I’d… figure something out, I’d do… whatever.

The cold wind from the open window right behind me sent an energizing chill up my spine, and I moved before I could even think about it. I heard a garbled shout behind me and felt a stinging pull on my tail; but the ripped-out hair didn’t stop me from leaping right out the window. Thankfully the windowsill smacking right into my hind legs as I passed helped me forget the tail's pain. I looked to my left as I landed, seeing a shadow stretching in front of the tree, cast by a light and a pony I couldn’t see from there. This meant he couldn’t see me either, and I decided to seize the chance. I turned and ran in the opposite direction.

I… maybe if I ran far enough, everything would turn out fine somehow?

...Or at least I wouldn't get hurt as much?