Chaos Vs. Order

by Justice3442

Chapter 3: Old "Friends"

High above Equestria, I floated amongst the vast emptiness and set about the somewhat laborious task of syphoning magic as it flowed like a small bubbling brook to who knows where… You know… with the slight addendum that the magic didn’t bubble or do much of anything. The rest of what surrounded me was even duller… mostly in that there wasn’t much of it! Just tiny specks of dust slowly falling towards the planet… I’d spent eons being amused by dust. Hardly surprising, there simply wasn’t anything else here! However, now space dust was even more boring than regular dust. At least regular dust proved to be of passing interest if I looked at it close enough…

…

… I’m letting you know how boring space is!

…

… Then I’m doing a good job! Pipe down, will you? I spent would might very well have been billions of years just examining dust! You don’t want to know just how long I can go on and on about the stuff.

…Now where was I?

Oh yes, I remember. Space… Space is boring. It’s just… ‘There’s a star. There’s another one. Star, star, star... Star… Just imagine that, but forever.

Gathering magic quickly lost its charm as well. The first few times where exhilarating, but the excitement quickly wore off as it fully dawned on me how slowly I was absorbing energy. Not to mention my thoughts kept on wandering to all the wonderful chaos I was missing out on, or even missing out on causing down below. It didn’t help that I was losing day after day floating up above the planet.

You know… relative to the passage of time. While the unicorns tried to quickly correct my changing of the time to night/day, I found it relatively simple to change it back and arrange the moon and sun as I saw fit. Something that must have driven those joyless magic users absolutely batty. It took quite a few of them to move the heavens, and it was a fairly arduous task to do each day and each night… Which were now things happening with much more frequency.

Yet one more thing I wasn’t able to witness that was starting to drive me batty.

As time went on I found myself hoping, longing for somepony to go up to the door and brave the door knocker I had left.

As luck would have it, or more likely my still constant tinkering with the cosmos itself, someone finally mustered up the courage and anger to march right up to my castle and bang right on the door.

Well… march right up and think about banging on the door. Even the denser of the ponies who routinely visited me had deduced there was near a 100 percent chance anything I created that they touched would do something unexpected.

Still, the door was knocked on which may or may not have coated everything in the vicinity in a thick layer of edible and delicious green slime and that meant it was time to take a break from the tedium of turning myself into a being of limitless power play host to whoever had dropped by for a visit.

I teleported myself down to right behind my castle doors. “Who is it?” I asked sweetly.

“You know exactly who it is, chaos beast! Open the door!”

It was my (currently) oldest associate, Amethyst the White.

…

… She was white.

… Well I don’t know why her stupid parents named her ‘Amethyst’ if she was white! I guess that’s why ponies called her ‘Amethyst the White’ since her name by itself was too confusing!

Anyways, she had clearly come to talk, or yell at me at least. Her long and usually rather tangled greying purple mane was even more tangled and wild looking than usual. Though, I couldn’t sense any anti-magic weapons on her. This was mildly perplexing to me at first, as I was sure if anypony had something to do with their creation it was her.

Still, she was ever so fun to annoy and I was ever so good at it after years of practice. Why I quickly threw in the door allowing Amethyst to look at me with eyes full of whimsical nostalgia of the good times we’ve had together…. also anger… likely partially because of said ‘good times we’ve had together’. She stood in a clean circle amongst the slime I had so generously tried to share with her, no doubt already having a shield up before braving the door knocker. The slime glistened in the morning or afternoon or perhaps evening sun… It was going to be a good day… night.

“Amethyst! Come in, come in! Here!” I appeared from under Amethyst, lifted a hoof, and placed a glass full of my most delicious and viscous creation yet. “Have a glass of slime!”

“You’ve gone too far this time, Discord!” Amethyst cried as she pointed a hoof at me and threw away the glass I had handed her. It landed with a soft ‘plop’ amongst the rest of the slime.

I slithered back a few feet with a hurt expression and placed my paw on my chest. “Me? Gone too far?” I gave Amethyst a big friendly grin that showed off my pearly white teeth fangs. “Oh old friend, I have no limits.”

“You’d at least left something as essential to our daily lives as the sun and moon alone until just recently!” Amethyst shouted back.

“Oh, please,” I replied waving my talon about dismissively. “I’ve gone plenty farther many of other times.” I gave Amethyst a stern look. “Why don’t you ask the pegasai how it felt when I made the clouds scream every time they were kicked, or how they felt when the other clouds would began accusing them of murder and attempt to form a cloudy lynch mob or drag them off to sky court? Try asking the earth ponies how they felt after the giant broccoli war… or even the small rhubarb rebellion, or even mini-corn skirmish! You’re moaning about your precious sun coming and going and there are ponies out who have sat down with delegates from the squash republic to bring about peaceful resolution to conflicts!”

“This is different!” Amethyst insisted. “You’re toying with the heavens themselves! Every pony regardless of race is feeling the effects!”

I grinned widely. For all the wisdom Amethyst thought she processed, she could be surprisingly short-sighted and self-centered in their thinking at times, though this was a trait as common to unicorns than as it is now…

… Oh, don’t get fussy with me! Your element means you’re clearly the exception…

… When it suits you.

Heh… In any case Amethyst’s attempt at suggesting that This little prank of mine was somehow the - worse - possible - prank was about to backfire. “Oh, and I suppose things like the weather and food don’t concern ponies of all races, hmmm?”

The anger in Amethyst’s face only increased. Out of the all the ponies who would try to talk to me before the inevitable breakdown in negotiations, she was usually the most successful, but she had worked herself into an angry huff over the whole sun and moon thing before she even braved my door knocker and it was far easier to wind her up today.

Speaking of winding ponies up, Rarity, do be a dear and try to take a few calming breaths. The grinding of your teeth is slightly distracting…

…

…Alright, alright! Geez! It’s not my fault most you ponies don’t have a sense of humor about yourselves…

…

… Well, clearly one of you is making up for the other five…

Anyways, Amethyst seemed close to the boiling point and we had barely gotten started. Her face had gone all puffy and was starting to turn red.

…Much like the face of the white unicorn in the audience…

…

…Heh, well anyways… I sensed she was close to unleashing her magic on me as she often did when she was at her wits in. A pity she had reached it so quickly, still I did loving pushing her buttons.

“Why, if you stuffy unicorns would just pull your horns out of—”

‘FWOUUU!’

That was quick. With a sound like air suddenly rushing in to fill a void, Amethyst horn went purple then black as she fired off a blast of magic, or anti-magic that would threaten to consume my very essence.

I quickly placed my talon and paw by my side, charged them with energy and trusted them forward. “KAMEHAMEHA!”

‘FWOUUUPHHHHOOOM…’

Our bolts of energy… or rather my bolt of energy and Amethyst’s bolt of… Eh… You all get it by now… Our attacks collided. Her swallowing up mine, but then disappearing as the magical energy filled the void it had created.

“That’s…” Amethyst trailed off as she stared into the space where my magic had met her magic anti-magic… or maybe it was just anti-magic…

Anyhow…

I smiled. “Pure magical energy!” I idly began to examine my talon. “A bit more direct and less fun than how I usually deal with problems, but effective.”

Amethyst scowled at me. “When did you learn to be so direct?”

I pointed an accusatory talon at Amethyst. “Don’t throw a tantrum because I figured out a quick way to nullify your little attack.” I grinned mischievously at my guest. “Are you really that surprised I did something ‘out of the ordinary’ to counter your little trick?”

“You… you… cough… hackchchc…”

“Goodness, Amethyst,” I said with a touch of concern. “Don’t overdo it! You’re not as young as you…” I trailed off as Amethyst gave me another scowl, but there was pain behind that look of anger. Actual physical pain.

I sighed heavily as my improved senses of all things magical helped clue me in to what had happened. “Oh you poor, desperate fool… so that’s how it’s done…”

“Cough… Anything to be rid of you, monster.”

“Well, I knew many of you would gladly lay down your life to stop me, but I have always been merciful enough to take that option off the table. And here you go and find a way to harm me that forces you to drain your own magic energy.”

 “So you figured it out…” Amethyst said, narrowing her eyes.

I rolled my own. “Oh spare me the dramatics, you know I’m more than capable of figuring out something as mundane as a spell you ponies cooked up. Still, I am surprised you’d go to such lengths.” I waved a chastising claw at Amethyst. “You’ll put yourself into an early grave sacrificing your own energy like that.” I quickly appeared before Amethyst on my knees and grabbed her silvery purple mane. “Oh please won’t you think of all the ponies who’ll miss you when you’re gone!”

With a purple glow of her horn, Amethyst pushed me away.

“Like me…” I added. “Especially me. You know what? Forget everypony else, they’re such bores anyhow.”

Amethyst pulled her lip up into a sneer and grumbled something under her breath. “As I said, ‘anything to be rid of you’,” Amethyst said grimly. “Would there be another way to use the anti-magic spell, I would employ it. But it requires created a void be getting rid of some of my own magical energy…” Amethyst managed a dark smile. “A void that must be filled.”

I furrowed my brow slightly. “Oh don’t look so happy. With all the magic you’ve already sacrifice, you’re even more crotchety and cranky than usual… It’s almost as if you’ve aged ten years since I’ve seen you last.” I frowned. “Wait… How long have I been doing the whole sun and moon thing?” I asked as I snapped my fingers causing the sun to quickly fall and the moon to quickly rise.

Amethyst glowered at the moon then me. “A few weeks…” she growled through clenched teeth. It would take many unicorns quite some time to get the day back on track again… No doubt witnessing that I could control the sun and moon so effortlessly was endlessly enraging to my dear old companion here.

Still, that it had only been a few weeks was a relief. For a moment I thought I had maybe lost track of a few years.

I shook my head. “You’re not going to last long if you keep trying to get rid of me this way. Won’t you reconsider? I’ll miss our little chats when you’re gone.”

Amethyst scoffed. She actually had the nerve to scoff at my heartfelt sentiment! “Knowing I died ridding Equestria of you will make the lost time more than worth it.”

A few tiny balloons that floated one of my eyebrows off my face. “And what if you deplete yourself of energy before then? You know I’ve figured out a way to counter your little trick,” I said, popping the balloons as I finished my sentence and allowing my eyebrow to drift back into place.

“Someone will take my place.”

I sighed. “Ah, you’ll teach young Starswirl how to anti-magic himself into an untimely end too?”

Amethyst nodded. “He too is willing to lay down his life to rid your curse from these lands.”

“What a waste… he seemed like he would grow up to be so much fun...”

Amethyst grim smile returned. “There are others willing to learn as well.”

“Uuuuuughhh… I there’s a thought… dozens or hundreds of unicorns wasting their very essence to the point where they’ll need walkers to get around while they’ve only barely hit double digits in their lives!” I gave Amethyst a serious look. “Even I wouldn’t stoop so low as to deprive a pony of the very magical energy that fuels them.”

“Spare me your attempts at taking the moral high ground here, Discord! You’ve committed your existence to making other’s lives miserable.”

I placed my paw on my chest as matted strands of blond hair that got caught in a gentle breeze grew from my head. “Misérable, moi?” I created a buzzing razor and quickly shaved my unsightly locks off. “Why I’m just adding a bit more unpredictability into your ponies otherwise humdrum lives!” I said as I tossed the razor away. It began to shave the slime from my lawn castle. I folded my arms across my chest. “It’s not my fault you all can’t appreciate my kind gestures.”

“Soon we won’t have to suffer your kind gestures!”

I smirked. “My, my, so sure are you? What if I told you where wasting your time? You hope you’re at least throwing pebbles into a well that will eventually fill up.” I said as my body suddenly turned stone, and cylindrical with a large hole in the center. “Well, I’m here to tell you that the well is actually a bottomless pit.” My new hole blew out an empty sounding wind.

“That magic you fired off won’t come back! Everything has limits, Discord.” Amethyst narrowed her eyes. “Even you…”

I changed back to my usual handsome self as my smirk grew into a beautiful grin. “I don’t… Not anymore at least… I suppose I have you and your little trick to thank for that…”

“Spare me your lies, beast. I know you’re not all powerful.”

“Wanna bet?” I asked as I smiled from ear to ear… literally.

Amethyst raised an eyebrow. “If you really had unlimited power you’d force your chaos on the entire planet and not just us ponies.”

My smile waned back into a smirk. “Well, perhaps at the moment my power knows some bounds, but soon I will have UNLIMITED POWER!” I said as I suddenly created a black cloak for me to wear and fired lighting from my talon and claw tips straight up to the sky.

Amethyst gave me a skeptical look. “I don’t believe you…”

I chuckled as I quickly disrobed. “Well, why don’t we step into my castle?” I asked motioning to my open doors that lead into my empty home. “Discuss it further?”

Amethyst continued to give me the same look of suspicion but nodded after a bit of dwelling on it. Likely realizing that with me already trumping her trump card she had nothing to lose, or perhaps thinking she could catch me off guard at some point and try again regardless of what it might cost her.

“Mud?!” … exclaimed as she stepped into the bare castle and noted its complete absence of floor as her hoof sank into the muddy mess that was the ground. “Oh Discord, have some dignity at least!”

I folded my arms across my chest and scowled at Amethyst. She know what she did… or said rather.

Amethyst sighed. “I suppose I deserve that look.”

I nodded satisfactorily. I snapped my talon and suddenly a white and black checkered floor appeared over the mud and dirt floor as did a nice comfortable looking black and white checkered chair that sat. I decided to unmake the ceiling as well and also recreated my throne and sat down.

Amethyst stared at her muddy hoof as her horn glowed a deep, dark shade of purple. The mud around her hoof lifted from it and she floated the mass out a castle window where she let it fall to the ground. She then looked at the chair suspiciously. “This is going to bark at me, or lick me, or attempt to bite me if I get near it, won’t it.”

I sighed heavily and leaned my head back, letting it roll to the side and keep rolling until it had made a full rotation. “Spoil sport…” I uttered as I snapped my finger again. With some sparkling energy, the chair floated into the air a few feet, barked once, and lowered back to the ground.

Amethyst walked up to the chair and poked it cautiously. When it behaved very much like a chair, she crawled up onto it. She sat on her haunches and made herself comfortable. she gave me a stern look and opened her mouth as if ready to launch into her speech. However her expression shifted before any words could come up and a glanced at the chair she was sitting in. “Does the chair do anything—”

‘SPROING!’

“—eeeeeeeelseeaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

I smiled. “ONLY IF YOU THINK IT MIGHT!” I shouted up at Amethyst as she took an unexpected trip straight up into the air at what was likely an alarmingly fast speed for the unicorn. I decided to join her up there, it was a bit closer to the topic of our discussion anyhow.

As Amethyst reached the zenith of her flight, I arrived to gift her with many balloons which would keep her buoyant enough that we could enjoy Equestria’s beautiful stratosphere.

“Happy birthday!” I cried as I tied the balloons around Amethyst’s body a blew through a noisemaker.

“Can’t… can’t breathe…” Amethyst choked out as her eyes began to bulge a bit.

“Oh right… That thing you all do with your lungs and repertory system is necessary… I forget on account that I just do it for fun!”

Amethyst glared at me as she continued to choke.

I snapped my fingers and a round bowl like helmet appeared over Amethyst’s head complete with a tube leading into an air-tank. I was even so kind as to provide a snug little hole for her horn.

“There you are… Nice clean air!”

Amethyst hugged herself and began to shake. “Ca…cold!” she said as her teeth began to chatter.

I sighed and shook my head. “It’s always something with you mortals isn’t it? You’re always complaining about not having enough food, or having so much water that your lungs are full of it, or even being too hot that your skin starts to turn red and blister and also explode.”

Amethyst simply glared at me as her teeth continued to chatter.

I ignored her little temper tantrum. “Seriously! When’s the last time you internally combusted just for fun?!”

Amethyst furrowed her brow at me. “That would ka-ka-kill me.”

“… When’s the last time you killed yourself just for—”

“ENOUGH OF YOUR SENSELESS PRA-PRA-PRATTTLE, CHAOS LORD! GIVE ME A CO-COAT AND TA-TELL ME WHY DID YOU BROUGHT ME HERE!”

I chuckled to myself and snapped my finger giving Amethyst a nice, fashionable thick wool coat and a steaming hot mug of cocoa. A mug she promptly tipped upside-down, possibly to spite me, or possibly because she remembered she was wearing a helmet and that she couldn’t drink the beverage anyhow.

I placed my talon around Amethyst’s shoulder and motioned out to the starry sky. “Tell me old friend—”

“I’m no friend of yours, monst—”

“Tell me old obnoxious unicorn, what do you feel beyond the great expanse of the sky?”

Amethyst gave me a quizzical look. “Feel? How am I supposed to feel anything?”

I smiled and shook my head. “Typical unicorn… only able to understand the magic in themselves. Surely such an aged and—cough— wise scholar as yourself has noticed…”

Amethyst’s face went all red and puff again. “I KNOW of the magic inherent in all things in Equestria! Enough of your game! Just tell me what you want to tell me!”

I chuckled. “Well since you asked so nicely…” With a snap of my talon I was wearing a quite dapper pink suit, and silver bow tie. With a white cane in my hand, I began to sing…

“Whenever life gets you down, And things seem hard or tough…”

“Discord…” Amethyst growled out.

“… And ponies are stupid, obnoxious or daft…”

“Discord!”

“… And you feel that you’ve had quite enooooooouuuuuuuuuuugh~!”

“DISCORD!”

“Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving And revolving at—”

“DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORD!”

“Oh what is it now?!” I said as I gave Amethyst a look so dirty, mud began to drip from my face.

“JUST SKIP TO THE POINT ALREADY! EVEN WITH THIS COAT, I’M STILL COLD!”

With an annoyed grunt I snapped my talon causing suit, bow-tie, and hat to disappear. “I’ve learned how to syphon the magic that drifts through the planet as it leaves! Happy?!”

“… Where you actually going to explain that through your song?”

“… No… no I was not…” I admitted. “All things considered, the song was probably a complete lie given Equestria’s cosmology.”

“… Well then… ”

I sighed and snapped my talon returning us to the front of my castle. “You always knew how to suck all the fun out of our little visits.”

Amethyst gave me a serious look. “So… you’ve discovered a way to harness even more magic.”

I pointed at my face with a talon as it turned wooden. “Oh, Amethyst. I’d never lie to you…” My new wooden nose suddenly grew several feet, and some leafy branches.

“Yes you would,” Amethyst said as small yellow birds began to nest in dense foliage of my nose. “… But I doubt you’d lie to me about this…”

I quickly produced a hacksaw and removed my new nose. The birds squawked as their new home fell to the ground. My face returned to its full furry glory. “So… What do you intend to do about it?”

“Stop you before it’s too late, of course.”

I grinned. “What makes you think it isn’t already too late.”

Amethyst stared right into my eyes. “It takes time to gather energy like that doesn’t it? I know enough about this world to know there’s magic even in the smallest bit of dirt… but if you’re gathering it from beyond the sky… even down here there’s only the tiniest bit of magic in the air.”

I paused for a moment. “… My, my… you really are the pony’s greatest living wizard. Still it’s just a matter of time until I have more than enough power to drape all of Equestria in my power.”

“The ponies of Equestria will stop you long before that happens!” Amethyst said in a heroic tone I had heard so many times before.

I grinned at her darkly. “Oh really? Now that I’ve told you my little secret, what makes you think I’ll let you go home alive to rally some foolhardy army?”

Amethyst didn’t even flinch. “You didn’t kill Whiplash and Longshot and you won’t kill me.”

“Oh?” I replied, my mouth opening wide showing a set of razor sharp teeth I decided to create for effect. “What makes you so certain I’ll let you go the same way I did them?”

Amethyst scowled. “Because you’ve never killed any of your attackers before. I doubt you’re about to start. Even if I am the greatest threat you’ve ever encountered.” Amethyst raised an eyebrow. “You actually enjoy being challenged in surprised. And even if your very existence is on the line, this is all just a game to you.”

I stroked my beard with my talon thoughtful for a bit and smiled. “See, this is why I enjoy getting to know a pony over so many decades… you old codgers are the only ones who truly understand me.”

Amethyst gave me one more scowl and turned, marching away from my castle. “Spare me your sentimentality, you morally empty beast. I’ll be back soon… and I won’t be alone.”

“And I’ll be waiting…” I said as I steepled my talon and lions paw together.

I watched as Amethyst left, the sun slowly starting to rise back into place again. I momentarily thought about returning the moon just to stick it to the unicorns a bit more, but decided to cut Amethyst some much needed slack. With the area around my castle being mostly flat it was a long time to watch an old unicorn walk away, and her shoulders slumped and her proud march turned to a haggard trudge once she was a few hundred yards down the path.

I shook my head and returned to my castle, allowing my thinking tree to grow below me and lift me high up with its thought branches.

Draining her own magic to create weapons and attacks that could actually harm me clearly had taken its toll on the old fool, both physically and mentally. I must admit I felt some degree of melancholy that our next encounter would also be our last.

I must have seen that song and dance routine dozens, if not hundreds, of times before. Some proud warrior or mage announced he or she was going to rally an army to crush me. Though they seem to always follow through on the ‘rally’ part, they always came up short at the ‘crush’ part.  Still, my old foes always gave it their all… pushing their old bodies far past what they knew they could handle.

Amethyst would do the same… she was tired. She wanted an out from her years of coming up short against me.

Not to say she didn’t believe she had a chance, they all believed they had a chance… that they could simply try hard enough and ‘poof’, mean ol’ Discord would be gone and all their children and children’s children would get to live quite little boring lives devoid of the Chaos the ingrates would certainly miss when I was gone…

…

… Oh give me a break! I was a different Lord of Chaos back then! A thousand years trapped in stone gives you a much different perspective on things! Years of being trapped and watching ponies enjoy the quiet tranquility of the castle gardens made me realize just how dear a little piece and quiet meant to you all…

…So of course when I was free, I unleashed my chaos purely out of spite.

Now where was I?

Oh yes, another brave hero’s last stand where they go out in a blaze of impressive glory that no doubt would be remembered and passed down through their families for years to come but left them no less dead.

Still, Amethyst was right when she said she was my greatest threat. She had by far had the best chance out of all them. You wouldn’t believe all the spells that had been used on me or even the objects ponies tried to trap me in! I think one even attempted to seal me away in an old pot they had used for cooking rice…

Amethyst had actually come up with something that could potentially actually eliminate me, and while she was ready to see what lied beyond this mortal coil, I was still having too much fun.

As tedious as it was, I’d would have to soon return to gather more energy. Perhaps this was all just a game to me, but it was a high-stakes one this time around and I had to give it my all. I mentally prepared myself for several more days or weeks of boring energy gathering, however the sound of my door knocker banging and slime being ejected over my recently shaved lawn broke my concentration.

“Hmm… that was quick,” I said. I grinned. “Old codger probably wants to try blasting me one more time before heading out. Let’s hope her heart can take it…”

I created a dignified butler’s uniform for myself. I was sure Amethyst would appreciate this after her little attack that would no doubt leave her laying on her side in front of the door, gasping for breath.

I opened my doors wide. “Welcome back madaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh?”

Unless Amethyst was now several shapeless blue-and-black beings of pure energy, who or what was visiting my castle was not her.

I simply stared at the cloud like beings for a second as they stared back. Floating yellow eyes where the only notable features amongst the swirling mass of their… bodies….

I cleared my throat.

“Slime?” I asked I produced a tray full of glasses.