The Moment No Pony was Waiting For (A Death Battle Parody)

by TundraStanza

Orange Player Two

Please make sure that your "Formatting" is set to "Dark", not "Light". Thank you.

A/N: I reconsidered.
Properties in this chapter belong to Hasbro, ScrewAttack, and Sega.
Battle setup inspired by the AnimatedJames "VS" series.
---

Razor tails versus hyper-motor wings? At least they're not out-in-the-open ninjas.

They tail a blue speed-demon as a sort of younger sibling, though sometimes they end up doing the teaching instead.

You know that they'll never give up trying to be awesome.

Tails: Sonic the Hedgehog's trusty sidekick.

Scootaloo: Rainbow Dash's little sister from another mother. He's W and I'm B.

And it's our job to analyze their weapons, armor, and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle.

Tails
-Miles Prower
-IQ: 300
-Capable of repairing planes, building new devices from unlikely materials, and resisting robotic control
-Can spin his tails to fly, cut through metal, and increase speed up to levels approaching the speed of sound
-Carries ring bombs and a grappling ring
-Arm Cannon (rip-off of Mega Buster)
-Shield bot & Medi bot
-Cannot fly indefinitely; low stamina
-Afraid of lightning

"I can't depend on him forever. I know I can do this by myself!"

Miles Prower is the sidekick often associated with Sonic the Hedgehog. I guess repairing a plane all by yourself is a sound way to form a friendship.

Despite being a preteen, he can do machines!

Right, he is fluent in techno babble and understands the ins and outs of almost every machine he's ever come across. He uses this genius understanding to repair, modify, and even build new devices with the most unlikely of raw materials.

Like a TV out of toothpicks and dishwashing detergent. How the hell does that work?

He's fairly intelligent in other aspects of life as well. He invented the Spin Dash technique that Sonic uses almost every day. Plus, despite every logical aspect that should prevent this, his dual tails can provide the lift necessary to perform flight.

Ha ha! Suck it, physics!

Though, his stamina seems well within realistic expectations as he cannot fly indefinitely and longer flights tire him out quicker.

He's got a bunch of gadgets that help him out like ring bombs that can be thrown at clusters of enemies and a grappling hook in the shape of a ring.

Tails can use a shield bot to defend against all damage and pull out a medi bot to heal wounds over time.

And he can turn his arm into an obvious, royalty-free Mega Buster.

While he's a cunning strategist in battle, his fears can sometimes override his rational judgment and leave him cowering.

But that didn't stop him from mopping the floor with an even bigger coward named Luigi.

"Okay, time to fly!"

Scootaloo
-Pegasus filly
-Lives in a house (contrary to mass fan speculation)
-Owns a blue scooter that can somehow be steered in spite of the handlebar not being attached to the wheel axles
-Can utilize the magic satchel; limited to her scooter and her helmet
-Cannot currently fly
-Can flap wings in a motorboat way to hover about one foot off the ground and provide speed on her scooter
-Can reach speeds on scooter that equal RD's average flight speed; impressive stamina
-Idolizes Rainbow Dash
-Afraid of letting Dash down

"I said, 'You got a problem with blank flanks'?"

Scootaloo lives in a house somewhere in Ponyville. After a fateful meetup at a cute-ceañera, she formed the Cutie Mark Crusaders alongside fellow blank flanks Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle.

Since then, they've been getting into all kinds of trouble and creating messes bigger than the average elementary kid should ever get into during their lifetime. Getting caught in a taffy puller, throwing books off the library shelves, getting covered in tree sap, and causing all sorts of property damage are just what happen to them on a good day.

In the wake of their destructive tendencies, Scootaloo has found the time to admire previous Death Battle winner Rainbow Dash. This is emulated through her childhood dreams of being Rainbow's younger sister and flying fast and fearlessly.

*cough* Stalker! *cough*

Despite her strong desire to do so, Scootaloo has yet to fly for very long distances on her own. Instead, she channels her wingpower into cruising along the streets of Ponyville on her scooter. Her full-throttle is actually fast enough to match Rainbow's average horizontal flight speed, somewhat faster than sound itself.

Plus, she can travel at that full-throttle speed the full distance between Ponyville and the Crystal Empire and still have enough energy to perform a flag-carrying routine with her friends. How she wasn't winded is completely beyond me.

It seems choreography is a natural instinct for Scootaloo as she can perform the spin for a classical piece of music perfectly. However, her singing voice still has a bit of ways to catch up with that.

Her singing isn't nearly as bad as certain plot holes that writers and animators overlook. I mean, how the hell did she pull out her scooter at a second campsite when she clearly lost that same scooter during a sleep-deprived ride over?

Actually, it's quite simple. Scootaloo has a very limited control over the magic satchel.

Wait, you mean this little filly can break the fourth wall?!

Well... yes and no. Yes, she can conjure her scooter and helmet from just about anywhere. No, she isn't aware of an audience or the medium that she exists within. It's a rather specific fourth wall break when it comes to Scootaloo.

Oh no, it's worse than I thought. Deadpool, Discord, and Pinkie Pie are breeding illegitimate love children. The future generations will shatter the fourth wall into fine paste and then they'll move onto the fifth and sixth. We're all going to die!

Calm down, B. None of them are here now. You can handle the breach of one pony and her namesake.

B takes some deep breaths.

Okay... okay... okay...

Despite what she'd like to be, Scootaloo isn't completely fearless. While scared of threats like the Headless Horse and the old mare looking for her rusty horseshoe, her biggest fear is letting Rainbow down and not living up to the expectation of being cool, brave, and awesome.

Oh, I know a quick fix to that fear. Just be me!

... Deadpool spawn.

Augh! Where?! ... Er... I mean...

You were saying?

That is irrelevant!

"Winners or not, we still have the chance to be awesome!"

All right, the combatants are set. Let's settle this debate once and for all.

It's time for a Death Battle!

Princess Luna flies up to the moon for a little alone time. Obviously, she's not going to fly the entire way there. That would be ridiculous. Instead, she disappears in a white light before reappearing on its surface. She takes a deep breath and admires the sight of such a vast, night sky.

While trotting along, she notices a splash of color where there should be mostly gray. Normally, she chalks this up to being the vibrant flag that humans placed there a while ago. However, this particular splash is orange. As she approaches, she realizes that it is a fox-like creature. With a sneaking suspicion crossing her mind, she teleports again.

---

"Sister, may I have a word with you?" asks Luna.

Celestia is happy to get a distraction from the mundane meeting. "Certainly, Luna. What is it?"

"Did you by chance banish a fox to the moon recently?"

Celestia rubs her chin in thought before a lightbulb turns on. "Oh, right! That Miles-Per-Hour critter. Yes, I remember him. He wanted physical evidence that magic was real. His specific words involved me appearing right behind him and sending him to the moon."

Luna stares deadpanned. "Really?"

Celestia chuckles. "I guess he's been up there long enough." Her horn glows brightly for about two seconds.

---

Twilight Sparkle is currently in her new castle's library. Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle are there for their typical Twilight Time reviewing and practicing their learned skills. All of a sudden, a certain fox teleports in out of nowhere, startling the inhabitants.

"Oh hi, Tails," greets Twilight. "It feels like forever since I've seen you."

"Yeah, time flies when you're stuck on the moon for several days," comments Tails.

"Oh, yeah, I almost forgot about that," admits Twilight. "So... now do you believe in magic?"

Tails hums for a bit. "No."

"What?" Twilight looks surprised. "What do you mean 'no'?"

"Scientific observation requires me to look at things objectively," explains Tails, "and objectively, your Princess Celestia meeting my specifications was just variables interfering with the scientific method."

Twilight scoffs humorlessly. "You are incorrigible. The evidence of magic was right there!"

Tails shrugs. "I look at the facts, not the flukes. For example, I know for a fact that Sonic is the fastest thing alive."

A exclamation point briefly appears over Scootaloo's head. "Uh, excuse me, Kid, but I must have heard you wrong. You do know that Rainbow Dash is the fastest in the world, right?"

"Who are you calling 'Kid', Kid?" Tails raises an eyebrow. "I'm twice as tall as you are... and Sonic is faster than that living gay-straight alliance flag will ever be."

"No way!" Scootaloo exclaims while lowering her eyebrows. "Rainbow Dash is totally faster than that Mickey Mouse reject... and I'm three years older than you."

Tails deadpans. "You've got that wrong."

"No, you've got that wrong!"

Before anyone can see it coming, the pegasus filly tackles the fox out through the lower section of one of the windows. Twilight, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle stare at the opening in shock with eyes and mouths wide open. Thankfully, it isn't that long of a drop. After the grassy landing, the two orange individuals stand on their feet relatively unharmed.

"FIGHT!"

Tails performs a Spin Dash and rolls quickly along the ground. With determination, Scootaloo leaps up and flaps her wings as fast as she can. This is just barely high enough to avoid the spinning orange ball of doom. She sticks the landing with a smile. Her smile is quickly removed as the fox cancels his dash, turns around, and runs.

Thinking quickly, Scootaloo hops onto her front hoof and spins in place. Similarly, Tails starts spinning on one foot with his tails lashing out behind him. They bounce off slightly upon impact. Both combatants do their best Beyblade impression as they continue to spin and repeatedly hit each other.

Suddenly, something that looks like a ring goes flying off of Tails. It collides with the filly with an inaudible explosion and Scootaloo is forced to halt her wicked dance move. Tails halts his move and lifts his hand up. In a flash of red, the hand transmogrifies into an arm cannon. He points this cannon forward as it charges a yellow orb at the end.

Scootaloo shakes off the dizziness before noticing Tails' next move. She reaches her hoof just off the screen. She yanks her scooter to rest underneath her and her helmet to cover her head. Her wings buzz loudly. Just as the cannon fires, she zooms out of the shot's way.

The boy with the cannon fires some more shots. Each time he fires, the shot barely misses a blur of orange and blue speeding to the left and right. Grunting in irritation, he curls up. He jumps into the air before spinning his tails like a propellor. He starts tossing explosive rings. These also miss their speedy target.

Tails focuses a bit more carefully before aiming his next ring. It makes direct contact. Instead of exploding, however, it pulls Scootaloo right off her scooter and soaring into the air toward Tails.

"Get over here!" he yells before spinning in place. His left tail slams into the filly and knocks her hard into the ground. His head and feet start dangling against propelling tails that are rotating much slower. He drops to the ground with a plop on his feet. He lets out a sigh of exhaustion.

Scootaloo slowly picks herself back up onto all fours. Tails then gets the bright idea to throw all of his ring bombs at once. He follows up by immediately charging his arm cannon for one big shot. Scootaloo grabs her scooter and rides, despite the fact that she is several feet away from her vehicle's position. She zooms forth before the rings make any impact.

The fox spins his tails to quickly rush forward. He just has to fire a few inches before the estimated time of collision. However, the slow-motion cameraman decides to play with the footage. In the second just as the shot leaves Tails' cannon, Scootaloo performs a kickflip on her scooter to sail just above the yellow orb. She then moves straight into a 1080 all over the fox's face.

...

As the motion comes back to real-time speed, the audience can see that there is a smooshed fox across the dirt path as well as a bit of fur sticking to the scooter's wheels. Scootaloo sticks out her tongue in disgust.

"K.O.!"

Holy crap! I thought for sure that Tails' gadgets would send Scootaloo for a loop.

It's true that Tails was the smarter combatant and his flight provided greater mobility. However, just because his mind was fast enough to process the change in battle doesn't mean that his body would be. Miles' top speed with his tails is just under the speed of sound. Scootaloo, however, can reach speeds faster than sound with her motor-like wings and scooter. Additionally, her stamina is in a larger pool than Tails, meaning she can endure more pain and punishment in the long run.

I guess that's true. I mean, there was that one time where she survived the sudden stop and then immediately going in the reverse direction of falling down a waterfall when Rainbow Dash snatched her up. A similar combination of physics' laws killed Gwen Stacy in the Spider-Man universe.

Also, Tails tends to rely on gadgets only to the degree where he feels he needs them. He doesn't always bring his most destructive bombs or robots against lesser opponents. While Luigi proved to be a much tougher opponent that called for his magic arm, Tails wouldn't have used such sophisticated equipment against a child with less gear. But this would prove to be his downfall. What Scootaloo lacks in quantity, she makes up for with versatility and the small magic satchel.

Scootaloo simply found her window of opportunity.

The winner is Scootaloo.

Next time on Death Battle...

In his story, he lost to Akuma. In an analyzed battle, he was destroyed by Shao Kahn.

In the words of a certain man, "You get one more."

...

A certain green-and-red-eyed grin flows out of the shadows.
---