//------------------------------// // 127: School of Hard Derps // Story: Lyra's Human 2: Derpy's Human // by pjabrony //------------------------------// “Hey, Karyn!” Derpy almost jumped at Karyn with her embrace as she greeted her for another visit. Once her hooves were around Karyn’s neck, though, she flapped her wing to swing around instead of knocking her over. She misjudged the distance a little, and banged her hoof on the edge of Karyn’s bureau. It hurt, but she seemed not to care. “You’re in a chipper mood today,” said Karyn. “I ought to be. I visited Gertie twice this week. We had a great time. She’s a lot like you. Because she’s a stranger to Ponyville, I get to show her things that most ponies know, but she doesn’t. Then I look smarter than I am.” Karyn nodded and got to work on breakfast. “I talked to her about working at the post office too, but I haven’t brought it up there. They’re not actively looking for anypony right now, and I’m afraid that she’ll be disappointed if she can’t get in right away. Also they might be hesitant because she’s a griffon, but I think they’ll let her work there. That would be something I’ve never had: to work with someone that I knew as a friend first. I’ve made some friends at work, but that’s different, you know?” “Uh-huh.” Derpy looked around. “Yeah, it’s gonna be great. We won’t have the same route, but we’ll be able to fly to work together and sort together and...are you all right?” “Yeah.” She went to sit down on the bed, but Derpy found it unkempt and the pillows askew. She cast her eye over the apartment again. Karyn turned away, and Derpy saw that she was worried about being called out on the state of her apartment. Normally Derpy would have done just that, but she could see that this wasn’t the time. “No you’re not. I can tell. Don’t worry, I won’t bug you about anything.” “You’re not going to tell me that I’ve been too messy or should have cleaned yesterday?” Derpy got off the bed and held Karyn’s head in her hooves. “I prefer it that way, but it’s more important that you’re OK. If I thought it bothered you regularly I wouldn’t do it. But most of the time you know and agree with me. So when you don’t I know that it’s something big. So tell me about it.” “The shame of it is that I’ve been keeping up a good streak. You haven’t had to criticize me in a long time.” “Forget about that. Talk to me.” Karyn finally looked up with half of a smile on her face. It vanished immediately when she started talking. “You remember how I was talking about the midterms?” “I do.” “I got all the grades back. All A’s except one. I got a C-minus. A da...well, I don’t want to swear, but a C expletive minus.” Now it was Derpy’s turn to have her expression fall. “Hey, I know you wanted to get them all, but you worked hard at it, right? You tried your best?” “That’s the thing!” Karyn was now full of energy. “I did work hard. I studied so much and I was confident going in. Let me give you some background. I have to do some general courses along with my IT stuff. They can’t all be electives where I get to take fun classes, some of them are things that the college just wants everyone to know. So it’s this economics course I have to take. They’re not telling me anything that I don’t read in the news, but they’re doing it with lots of graphs and fancy terms. Well I studied it hard just as I did for all the other midterms. I got in for the test and I was cruising. Now, the test was in two parts, multiple choice and essays. I’m working through these multiple choices, bam, bam, everything was something I remember reading. Then I hit the essays and again, I know all these questions. I’m being pithy, clever, showing off that I know it backwards and forwards. There are five essays and I had to choose four. I didn’t even think about that and just ran through the first four questions there. Derpy, believe me when I tell you, having taken a lot of tests, I was good. I was the first one finished. I think the whole thing took me forty-five minutes. I was happy about that, I’ll tell you. Gave me basically another two hours off.” “So what happened?” “I went into class this week waiting for the grade—this is the kind of professor who hates posting things online. I think she’s just too lazy to do it. I’m hoping for the A but I’m expecting no worse than A-minus, B-plus if all went wrong. And I stare at the paper. At first I couldn’t believe it. I thought that it was someone else’s, but there was my name. Then I thought that maybe I had put all the multiple-choice answers on the wrong line, and I could explain that and get it changed. But no, I had gotten all the multiple-choice questions right. Didn’t miss a single one.” Derpy inhaled. “So it was the essays?” “Yes. I went through and she had marked me down anywhere she could. She had vague comments like ‘Not enough information’ or ‘improper terminology.’ What I think is that she didn’t like the fact that I finished early and decided ahead of time that she was going to grade me as hard as possible. Whether that’s because I showed her up for not writing a difficult test or because she just hates the idea of someone having an easy time and then getting to leave early, I can’t say. But I absolutely think that I got screwed.” Having finished this rant, Derpy saw that Karyn looked less tense, and she could tell that Karyn had probably been saving it up all week to tell her. It was one of the rare times that she was sorry she didn’t have a cell phone or some way to hear from Karyn during the week. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you so mad.” “I normally don’t like to pour things onto you. You’re my friend to have fun with, who reminds me that there’s a place where vindictive people don’t get into positions of power where they can mess with others. And the funny thing is that if I hadn’t studied so much, if I’d been less confident, I would have done better.” It was difficult for Derpy to get Karyn to understand that she wanted to be sympathetic in a human way, the way that two girlfriends would discuss one of their problems and bond over it. If she was going to, she would have to do so in an Equestrian way. But what would that mean?” “Do you want to see if we can turn her into an orange?” Karyn laughed. “Yes, I do. That would be a fitting revenge. But not a practical one. Say instead that I’ll fantasize about it, and every time I look at her, I’ll think of that and this way I won’t show in my expression what I really think.” “You said this was the midterm, right? How much does it count to the final grade?” “That’s a good question.” Karyn opened a drawer in her desk. Derpy saw that it was cluttered with papers in a haphazard manner, which would have been another point of criticism, except that she had agreed not to do so, and in general she didn’t mind if Karyn kept things in disarray if they were hidden from view. “What are you looking for?” “The syllabus they gave us at the beginning of the class. A-ha.” Karyn announced that she had found it, but still needed to search through to find the breakdown she was looking for. Derpy understood none of it, but seeing that it was mostly about the course work and less about the requirements backed up Karyn’s statement that the professor was a tough one. “OK, here’s how it is...she doesn’t even give points for attendance or classroom participation like most of them do. But that makes the calculation easier. It’s just the midterm, the second midterm, and the final.” She put some numbers into her computer. “In theory, if I get a complete hundred on both remaining tests, I could average a 90, which could be an A or an A-minus depending on how she puts it in.” “How about the other tests?” Karyn bit her lip. “This is the only thing keeping me from a perfect record.” “OK, but...I know it’s not the same, but if sometimes I screw up at work, I don’t let it get to me because I know I’m still getting paid. I guess what I’m asking is, are you really going to lose out from this one class if you don’t get an A?” “Well...there’s no direct material reward like that, but if I can pull up my overall grades, it’ll look better on my resume. But more than that, if I can show my folks that I’m getting all A’s, well, they’ve been talking and hinting about helping me out a little bit. I’m going to be out of school soon, and I’m going to have to start paying my student loans. If it takes me a while to find a job, I’ll be in a squeeze. If my folks will float me over for that time, I’ll be saved a lot of stress and money.” Taking a second look at Karyn’s calculations, Derpy stuck out her tongue. “OK, we’re going to do it.” “We? Do what?” “Make sure that you get full marks on the last two tests.” “Ha!” said Karyn “Fat chance. Well, maybe on the final. That’s all multiple choice. I guess that once the term ends, she doesn’t want to have to spend time grading essays. She just wants to run the fill-in sheets through the reader and go home. So if I study as hard as I just did, I could do that. But there’s one more test, and it’s going to be the same format.” “Then there’s only one solution.” “What’s that?” Derpy paused. Part of her didn’t want to say it, but she had to. “You’re going to have to write down everything she says in class and memorize every part of the book she tells you to. Then, when the second midterm comes, you’re going to have to put it all down on paper. Fill up an entire answer book for each essay if you have to.” “It’s not supposed to be a stenography course. If I’m doing all that I won’t have time to learn anything.” “You did say that it’s not one of your core courses. And you don’t know that. Teachers are different. I remember Dinky had some that she didn’t like, but I told her she had to learn from them just the same.” Karyn was jarred by the image of any pony teacher being compared to her strict professor. “But didn’t she have any that you would agree were just bad?” Derpy thought about it for a while. “Nope! Of course, I’m not the best judge. I only had one teacher. In school, I mean, with tests and such. And he was nice. I just wasn’t that great at learning. But for folks like you and Dinky, you can learn from anyone.” “I’m grateful that you have so much confidence in me. Personally I think she’s just a bad teacher. There are plenty of them who aren’t good at their jobs, who don’t want to teach but just to lecture. Now, for some they feel that teaching is secondary because they’re doing research or writing books. I could understand that even if I don’t approve. But some just want a sinecure.” “A what?” “An easy job,” she said as she sat down by the laptop. “But come on, let’s figure out how I’m going to pull this off.” Karyn got out her textbook and showed Derpy what she had learned in the first half of the course. Derpy didn’t understand the material but she could see how Karyn was rephrasing things. “Don’t do that,” she said. “Just say it like it’s in the book.” “But I don’t have that good a memory. When I was in high school and they had us try to memorize passages from plays or speeches, I always took the longest.” “OK, so even if you can’t do that, use the keywords, the nouns and verbs, that they use in the book. If you can do that at least it shows her that you’re following.” Karyn was writing down everything Derpy said. “I don’t want to show her that, though.” “I know, but since she’s the one giving you the grade, you have to play by her rules. Once you get the A, you can go stick your tongue out at her if you want. You won’t have any classes with her next term, right?” “Ha, no I won’t. OK, I’ll keep my focus by thinking about doing that at the end. Or giving her some other gesture which you wouldn’t understand. And in fact can’t physically do, since it requires a finger.” Derpy didn’t understand, and that was probably for the best. “I know you’ll work your hardest. Even if it doesn’t work, please don’t be too disappointed. As time goes by, it’ll be less and less important.” “Well, let’s make it less important right now. I’ve done all I can today. When the time comes, and I’m in class, I’ll remember this and work as hard as I can. But right now let’s have fun.” “Yes, let’s! What do you want to do to have fun?” Karyn got up and grabbed her coat. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not sitting around here watching internet movies. I want to go out. I’ll have to use gas for the car, but I’ll try not to spend a whole lot of money.” “No, I think you should.” That got Karyn to stop while her arm was still sliding into the coat. “Really?” “Yes. What you did today was very difficult on you emotionally. I can tell. It’s fair to give you a just reward by letting you spend some money. So long as you don’t make a habit of it.” “How about this? I need to do some shopping anyway for the holidays. I can start on that. Most of that is stuff I’m going to have to buy anyway, so I won’t really be out any money. On the way, if I see a thing or two I want to buy for myself or for you, I can pick it up.” “Yeah!” said Derpy. They got in the car and Karyn drove with passion, as if she was fleeing her apartment. Derpy didn’t know the road they were traveling, but it was a fairly large one. She asked where they were going. “It’s a mall my parents used to take me to when I was a kid. It’s on the way home, about halfway between here and there. Back then, I thought that nothing would ever be better than having a car and being able to go there whenever I wanted. I would take all my friends and be so cool and hang out there all day.” “But you’ve moved on?” “Yeah. I can’t afford it even now.” She pulled off the cloverleaf that led right into the parking lot. The way it was designed forced them to drive up close to the mall entrance before getting to the spaces, and it took them a long time to find a space. “It seems crowded.” “Yes, because lots of other people will be doing holiday shopping as well. Most of it I do online, but I can grab a few little things here and there. I like the experience, being among other people, feeling the rush and the hustle. Everything gets intense before it gets relaxing.” They took the long walk through the cold and wind, and they were grateful to finally get in the doors. The south side doors led to the food court, and even though she had gone invisible, Derpy’s stomach was audibly grumbling. “Can we get something to eat first?” “Sure. Want to go to the salad bar?” Derpy scanned the line of eateries. “I was thinking more of that pretzel stand.” Karyn said nothing, but Derpy could hear the silent reminder of her diet. “Come on!” she said, “Don’t I deserve a reward too?” “What for?” That caught her up short, but she improvised. “For being so nice to Gertie.” “Actually, yes, that does merit something. You stepped outside your comfort zone.” With a cheer, Derpy took off for the stand. Karyn followed up with, “Just don’t make it a habit.” Karyn had to order for both of them as usual, and the bored cashier handed her the two salted pretzels. Now they had a problem. The food court seats, and most of the mall, was too well populated and well lit for Derpy to eat her pretzel without being seen. They could not use their usual tactic of taking a seat by a wall, because there were none. “Should I go outside and eat this?” Derpy asked. “I can get up high where no one will see.” “No, it’ll get too cold. At one end there’s a little side hall where a few stores and the bathrooms are. It’s usually empty. Just eat fast.” “That I can do.” They found the hall Karyn mentioned, and Derpy went down while Karyn, who had finished her pretzel on the walk, looked in one of the shoe stores that had a sale display. Derpy didn’t mind and found a quiet corner to munch away in. When she was finished, she went back to the shoe store, but it took her a while to find Karyn, eventually having to resort to flying and perching on the top of one of the aisles to spot her. In haste, she knocked over a box of shoes. The loud thump from the long fall got Karyn’s attention. She had been looking down at her own feet. “Hey, Derpy,” she whispered. “Is everything all right?” “Yeah, I was just flashing back to when my mom would take me here every year to get new clothes for school. I liked getting new dresses or shirts, but getting shoes was always a hassle. Guess I’m not a typical girl who loves shoes, huh?” Derpy considered. “I don’t really like shoes either. Pulling the nails out of my hooves always makes them look bad. It’s hard to find a good farrier.” “Not quite the same thing, but yeah. And then she would take me for a pretzel, but they weren’t like the ones we had. They were puffier and the salt was bigger.” “It’s fun to be nostalgic sometimes, isn’t it?” Karyn sighed, and she saw that she was attracting the attention of one of the clerks, so they left the store. “Yes, but now, here I am, again having pretzels and again shopping, and I wish I could capture the same feeling. Or enjoy this at all.” “You’re not having fun? Even though we came here specifically for that?” “I still can’t get my professor out of my head. All that I’ve had to put up with from her over the past couple of months. It’s just not fair. And I shouldn’t be shopping to try to cheer myself up.” Derpy started to say something, but held up when she felt that Karyn was being deeper than just anger at an authority figure. “You said you had to get some gifts, right?” she asked at last. “Let’s take care of that, so at least you’ll have it over and done with.” “Indeed.” They tried a couple of different shops, but in each of them Karyn couldn’t find exactly what she wanted and would still have to buy online. The only purchase she did make was of a gift card, and even then she wasn’t happy with the selection they had of card images. Derpy could sense Karyn’s disappointment. “You all right?” “Yeah.” “You want me to drive home?” That at least made Karyn smile. “Thanks, no. I might be amenable to letting you fly me home, but then I’d have to come back for the car next week, and I wouldn’t trust it in a mall parking lot for so long. Security would probably think I abandoned it.” Driving back to Karyn’s apartment, a cold wind came and shook the last leaves off some of the trees. Clouds rolled in, thick and gray. The sound of the car doors closing when they got out was muffled in the thick and quiet air. Karyn mounted the steps to the apartment, tossed the gift card down next to her laptop where she would find it when she needed it. Derpy decided that it was time to do all she could to help. “Karyn,” she began, “I don’t know if I really understand why you’re so down. Yes, we talked about the lousy class you’re taking and yes, our mall trip wasn’t as fun as you’d like. I know that it’s not the same as when you were a little girl. But I still think that there’s more. I can’t make you tell me. Just please know that when you’re ready, I want to hear about it.”