//------------------------------// // Casa Del Derpy [Part One] // Story: Lightning Dust Gets Drunk in a Bar Full of Strangers // by Fire Gazer the Alchemist //------------------------------// Lightning was slow to wake up the next morning. This was, in large part, due to the fact that her head felt like a thousand fireworks were going off at once. She moaned in pain and rolled over. As she did her nostrils were subjected to scents beyond that of the couch she was sleeping on, and the enticing aroma of pancakes caught her attention. Groggily, she forced an eyeball open. The room she was in gave her a moment’s pause before she remembered that Derpy had brought her here last night. Last night. It was almost a blur to Lightning. Aside from Derpy shuttling her into her home, there was almost nothing that Lightning could recollect. Well, except for cider of course. Even if she couldn’t remember it, she knew she had drained a crapload of the stuff; otherwise her head wouldn’t be hurting so badly right now. “Oh good, you’re awake.” Derpy fluttered into the room, setting a glass of water and an aspirin on the nearby coffee table. “Here, I figured you’d want this.” Lightning’s eyes bulged at the sight and she had the aspirin in her mouth before Derpy could blink. “I’m gonna need about twenty more of these,” she mentioned before drinking the water. “You’ll have to settle for pancakes. I can’t have you overdosing on aspirin before you’ve had your breakfast.” Derpy smiled and trotted over to the staircase calling, “Dinky, hurry up! Breakfast is ready.” “Gah!” Lightning wailed. “Not so loud please.” “Sorry.” Forcing herself to sit up, Lightning looked around. Her vision was blurred as a result from her hangover, but she could tell that she was in fact in Derpy’s living room. Despite her bad headache, stiff neck, and about a bazillion other problems, Lightning smiled. She still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Derpy had just given her a place to stay. She might just be the kindest pony Lightning had ever met… though considering her social circle there wasn’t exactly a lot of competition. Hoofsteps excitedly clamoring down the stairs drew her attention. Dinky was bounding down the steps two at a time with enthusiasm unmatched. That’s weird, I thought Thursdays were school days. When she hopped over the last three steps, nearly slipped, and rectified herself, she saw her mother. “Mommy… what happened to you?” Derpy touched her face, having forgotten the massive shiner she had. “Oh, don’t worry, muffin, I’m all right.” Dinky wrapped herself around her mother’s foreleg. “A-are you sure?” “I’m sure, Dinky. Mommy’s okay.” Derpy hugged her little foal comfortingly, and nuzzled her mane. “Go and eat your breakfast, now. You don’t want to be late for school.” “Yes, Mommy.” Turning, Dinky got the next surprise of her day. “Hello Ms. Lightning.” “Hey, Dinky,” Lightning managed through her hangover. Dinky shot a confused glance towards her mother, then back to the mare on the couch. “Are you staying for breakfast?” Lightning nodded as best she could with the pounding in her head. Smiling, Dinky grabbed Lightning’s hoof and managed to pull her off the sofa. The filly led her into the kitchen; Derpy giggled and followed. The breakfast was amazing. Lightning had eaten pancakes before, but only for when she was carbo-loading for her training. The addition of syrup, butter, and chocolate chips – she was still baffled by the fact that Derpy put candy in their breakfast – made the fluffy food all the more savory. Lightning crammed down three before it was time for Dinky to go. Derpy already took the liberty of packing her daughters saddlebags, leaving Dinky with nothing more to do than slip them on. She stood on the tips of her hooves as she hugged her mother’s neck. Derpy embraced Dinky and kissed her forehead. “Bye, muffin,” she whispered into her daughter’s ear. “Bye, Mommy.” Dinky bounded out the door; she waved goodbye to both Lighting, and to her mother. As the door shut, Lightning looked to her friend. “You’re a good mother Derpy, you know that?” Derpy looked at the ground. “Not really. This was the second night this week I’ve come home drunk. I’m not exactly a model parent.” Lightning waved her off. “So you get smashed from time to time. You care, and you try; that’s what matters.” Derpy smiled. “Anyways, what’s the plan for today?” “Well we don’t have work–” “THANK Celestia!” Lightning flopped into her chair, relieved knowing she would not have to lift any heavy mailbags today. “–So I was thinking maybe we could have a little fun.” “What did you have in mind?” “Well…” “This. Is. Amazing!” Lightning shouted, her entire body vibrating at once. “It goes faster too,” Derpy exclaimed. “Go on, try it!” Lightning hit the red button at the top of the gadget, and suddenly her speed increased dramatically. The vibrating feeling was in full force, and Lightning thought her whole body might explode from the sheer awesomeness of it all. “Holy buck! How did I not know about Grand Theft Carriage before today?” She swerved, her body pushing the machine replica along with it, and the avatar on the digital screen before her mirrored the action. “I guess it’s just because you’ve never been to an arcade before today.” Suddenly, Lightning’s carriage onscreen exploded in a massive spectical of digital fireworks. “Dammit! Can I have another bit?” “We’re all out.” Derpy turned the coin purse she brought inside out to prove it to Lightning and her gaping mouth. “B-But we just got here!” Lightning protested. “How can we be out already?” “Lightning, it’s been seven hours.” Aqua-marine eyelids blinked slowly as their owner absorbed that information. “Whoa.” “Yeah, you kinda lost track of time.” Derpy smiled. “But it’s okay. Come on, if we hurry, we can pick Dinky up from school and go get ice cream.” A grin broke out on Lightning’s face. “Hell yes!” She hopped off the machine, excitement fueling her. She is just like a filly sometimes, Derpy noted as they began trotting out. It was a cute trait for sure, but Derpy reprimanded herself immediately. She knew she shouldn’t dote on something like that. They left the arcade, Lightning Dust flying out and doing a loop in mid-air. She landed next to Derpy and asked, “So which way to Dinky’s school?” Derpy indicated with a nod of her head and they both started flying. Lightning didn’t leave her in the dust this time, choosing instead to start off slow. “You know, I didn’t think you had ever tried ice cream before,” Derpy admitted. “Why would you think that?” “Well, you talk about how you didn’t have a normal foalhood. I mean, training 24/7, never touching the ground, today being the first time you went to an arcade, etcetera.” Derpy shrugged. “I guess I just felt ice cream would be one of those things you never had.” Lightning snickered. “Maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought.” Derpy paused to consider that. She had only known Lightning for the better part of a fortnight, and despite many bouts of drunken bliss the two of them were still – in a way – strangers. “Some best friend I am,” Derpy mumbled inaudibly. “What was that?” Lightning asked, and Derpy cursed herself for not being nearly as inaudible as she thought. “Tell me about yourself,” she covered. “I-I want to know about you.” “Oh. What do you want to know?” “Everything.” Derpy swerved to avoid an oncoming cloud, Lightning merely busted right through it. When she positioned herself by her friend again, she noticed Lightning’s golden irises swelling at the demand. “Really?” Derpy nodded. “Okay then. Well… I… uh… I was born on a Tuesday… and… I think it was sunny? I don’t remember it too well, but you can probably fill in the horrible smells, shrieks of pain, and all that yourself.” “How riveting.” Derpy giggled. “You don’t have to tell me everything about everything, silly. I just want to know a little more about you.” Derpy scooted a smidge in Lightning’s direction. “You know, so we can be closer.” “Right, right,” Lightning grinned. “I knew that. Anyways, I was homeschooled. My mom taught me most of the book stuff, and my dad was in charge of keeping me active. He was a former trainer for a derby team; so flying was kind of a big deal. I never really had it easy.” “Was it really bad?” “Are you kidding?” Lighting asked. Then she puffed out her chest and deepened her voice, likely imitating her father. “Lightning, you’re not flying nearly as fast as you could be! What’s with all this “I need a water break” talk? If you’re thirsty, then drink your own sweat for pony’s sake. I need twenty more laps in the next ten minutes, so hop to it while I eat this box of donuts!” Derpy giggled. “Is that last one true?” Lightning joined it. “He never actually said the donut part out loud… but yeah.” She increased her seriousness. “He actually sounds… really awful.” “I thought so too. But it all changed the day I saw the Wonderbolts in action.” Her expression sombered some. “Man… I can remember it like it was yesterday. I’d just gotten done with all the book work my mom gave me, which meant I had to go train with my dad. I was bummed, but then he told me we were going to see the Wonderbolts in action.” Lightning became starry-eyed as the memory took hold. “When I saw them preform it was… wow… probably the best thing I’d ever seen as a kid, you know? I felt like my eyeballs would explode ‘cause they were so awesome.” Derpy nodded. She’d seen the Wonderbolts preform on a few occasions herself and experienced similar feelings of eyeball-explodiness. “When I saw how awesome Spitfire, Soarin and all the rest were… well, I knew right then and there what I wanted. I wanted to be like them. Fast, cool, and just plain awesome. It was then that this beauty showed up.” Lightning indicated her flank. Derpy looked at the sight that had become rather… familiar to her over the past few weeks. A lightning bolt and three stars stared back at her, and Derpy smiled wondering what filly Lightning must have done when she saw it. “Anyway I kinda got caught up in the Wonderbolt hysteria after that,” Lightning continued. “Training with my dad became a blessing instead of a curse, and I pushed myself like you wouldn’t believe. The day I got my acceptance letter to the Academy I literally squealed with happiness. I mean, me squealing. Can you even imagine it?” “Hardly,” Derpy admitted. Lightning did many things: drink, fly, crash virtual carriages through downtown Manehattan; squealing wasn’t on that list. “Yeah so… you know the rest of the story I suppose.” Lightning’s voice dropped and Derpy knew not to press further. The topic of the Academy was one neither of them wanted to broach. Luckily Derpy found a way to swerve around it. “Hey look, here’s Dinky’s school.” They landed, noticing a swarm of kids already leaving a building. One in particular took notice of them, or rather, of Derpy. “Hi Mommy,” Dinky chirped as she rushed into her mother’s waiting hooves. “What are you doing here? I can walk home by myself.” “I know you can, muffin,” Derpy said giggling at her daughters attempt to display some independence. She ruffled the filly’s mane. “But I was thinking that we could grab some ice cream together. If you don’t want to though I totally understand…” “No!” Dinky rushed. “Of course I want ice cream! Why wouldn’t I?” “Hehe, all right kiddo. Ice cream all around.” “Awesome!” Lightning pumped her hoof up in excitement, and Dinky took notice of her. “Oh… hi Ms. Lightning.” Dinky looked genuinely confused at Lightning’s presence. She glanced over to Derpy, hoping for an explanation. Derpy put on her best “I’ll tell you all about it later” face and nudged her head toward the nearest ice cream parlor. The trio began trotting over; Dinky still shot oblong glances curiously at Lightning Dust from time to time, but seemed to have accepted her presence. When they reached the ice cream parlor, they were pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn’t crowded at all. Dinky bounded inside with speed that matched Lightning. They were up at the counter before Derpy took a step. “What kind of ice cream do you two want?” The pony at the counter asked. “Vanilla!” Dinky and Lightning shouted simultaneously. Derpy trotted up to the counter and inspected the ice cream behind the glass. “And I’ll have a scoop of cake batter,” she ordered. “They have cake batter today?” Dinky asked, pressing her face against the glass. “Mom, can I switch my order?” “Go ahead,” Derpy replied, reaching for some money. She was too slow. Three bits clinked onto the counter, rolling around slightly before coming to rest. She turned her head to see Lightning smiling proudly. “I got this one.” Lightning grabbed her cone and passed Dinky hers. “I could’ve paid for it,” Derpy protested, accepting her ice cream and watching as her daughter ran to the nearest table. “Nah, I owe you for giving me a place to sleep that isn’t shit.” “Hey, cool the bad words, my daughter is within earshot.” Lightning sheepishly grinned. “Sorry.” “That does remind me though,” Derpy realized. “I still have to tell Dinky that you’re staying with us for a while.” “Well, what better way to do it than over ice cream?” “I guess you’re right.” They reached the table. “Dinky, Mommy has something she needs to tell you.” Her daughter’s pupils dilated. “Am… am I in trouble?” “Should you be?” Lightning asked. Derpy gave her a nudge. “No, nothing like that.” She took a seat along. “It’s actually about Ms. Lightning.” “Is she in trouble?” Derpy smiled. “No. Actually, she’s going to be staying with us for a while.” Dinky glanced over at Lightning, who was face deep in her ice cream, and then back at her mother. “Why?” “She needs a place to call home for a little while,” Derpy said. “Is that alright with you?” Dinky thought about it for a minute, stared at her ice cream, and thought about it some more. “Okay.” Derpy couldn’t quite place the emotion in her daughter’s voice as they both dove into their ice cream. It wasn’t enthusiasm, nor was it disdain. It wasn’t even apathy, which Derpy had expected. In fact, it had almost sounded like… hope. “OW! Buck!” Lightning dropped her cone on the table and clutched her head. “Lightning?” Derpy asked with concern. “B-brain fuh-freeze...” “Sorry for… you know… cursing in front of Dinky like that,” Lightning said. “I heard you the first twenty times,” Derpy told her. “I could’ve sworn I’ve apologized more than that.” “You did. I just tuned them out after twenty.” “Oh.” Derpy trotted over to the second to last lamp in her living room and switched it off. The room immediately felt darker; now there was only one tiny lamp on the counter, and the full moon shining through the window. It had been hours since the whole ice cream headache debacle, but only five minutes since Derpy had been able to get Dinky to stop using the word she just learned and go to bed. “You don’t have to worry about Dinky, I’ll just tell her she can’t have muffins if she uses that word anymore.” Lightning’s eyes widened. “Do you often threaten to withhold the holy grail of breakfast foods?” “Only when she’s really bad.” Derpy walked over to the last lamp. “Don’t make me threaten you with the same fate.” “Yeah, yeah. No more cursing in front of Dinky.” Lightning hopped on the couch. “So we got work tomorrow, right?” “Yep, I’ll be sure to wake you up.” “Awesome.” The light flickered off, and Derpy started walking away. Her hoofsteps reverberated through the house as she ascended the stairs, and Lightning was left to her own thoughts. It was her first time sleeping over at Derpy’s home while sober. The feeling was… different. Not a bad kind of different, but it just felt off. Her body sank into the comfortable couch below her, the blankets tightly clinging to her. It was warm, enjoyable, and relaxing all at once. It felt like home. But not like any home Lightning had ever had before. It was not the brittle bed of her old apartment, or the plush cloud she slept on at her parent’s house. This just had a home-y feel about it, and she liked that. Lightning smiled, her eyelids drooping heavily. She was out a few seconds later, a light grin creasing her lips in her sleep. When she woke up, it was because Derpy was shaking her. Violently. “Come on, get up! We’re late!” Groggily, Lightning snapped open her eyes. “What?” “Lightning, we have work in ten minutes!” Derpy grabbed one of her forelegs and pulled. She felt her belly slide across the couch’s upholstery until her friend yanked too hard and they both ended up tumbling to the floor. “Come on.” Derpy stumbled to her hooves. “I gotta get some breakfast in you.” “What was that thing you said about work?” Lightning mumbled from the floor. “We have to be at the post office in ten minutes!” Derpy forced Lightning to stand up. “Derpy, remember who you’re talking to. I’m the fastest pony ever to come out of Cloudsdale.” Lightning battered away sleepiness by rubbing her eyes. “It won’t even take me a minute to get there.” “But I still take a while to get there! Not to mention we haven’t eaten breakfast, and if I don’t start a pot of coffee for the girls they might be groggy throughout the whole day, and–” “Whoa, slow down,” Lightning interrupted. “Don’t worry about it too much. Let’s just shove some muffins in our mouths and go.” Before Derpy could utter a protest of any sort she found herself being dragged at the hoof. They entered the kitchen, Lightning immediately going for the tub of muffins in the corner. “So if we’re so late for work, why didn’t you wake me sooner?” She tossed Derpy a chocolate chip muffin and grabbed one for herself. “I tried. A good half hour of shaking, cymbal banging, and shouting was what it took to wake you.” Derpy bit into her breakfast. “Where the hay did you get cymbals?” Lightning asked with her muffin already shoved into her mouth. Derpy’s eyes met with the clock (Well, one of them did. The other was pointed out the window admiring a bluebird) and she recoiled in shock. “No time, let’s go!” She yanked Lightning Dust abruptly, causing a few muffin crumbs to escape her mouth and fall to the floor. When she had been pulled all the way outside, Lightning felt like Derpy might rip her leg off with how fast she was going. Snapping open her wings, Lightning took the lead. Derpy’s hoof lingered only slightly before she too took to the air. Lightning could have easily made it to the post office in a few seconds, but she forced herself to slow down to allow Derpy to keep up. Considering the pace the gray mare was pushing, it wasn’t that slow. They landed a few minutes later outside a semi-crowded mailroom. Lightning cleared the way while Derpy frantically ran to unlock the doors. “Sorry girls,” she wailed, the key chinking off the doorknob a few times before finally sliding in. “I can’t believe I overslept.” Rainbowshine glanced from Derpy to Lightning and back again. “No worries, Derpy. I can imagine you’ve had a really sleepless night.” Next to Lightning, Blossomforth giggled. The aqua-marine pegasus raised an eyebrow at this, and looked to Derpy. Her friend’s face was beet red, though Lightning just attributed that to overexerting herself during the flight. “N-no, I slept,” Derpy assured Rainbowshine. “By the way, what happened to your eye?” Derpy instinctively touched the raw bruise on her face. “Long story,” she muttered, pushing the door open. “Come on, let’s get to work.” “Don’t forget about me,” a voice called. All four mares turned towards the sound. A mare with a yellow coat and a teal mane landed next to Lightning. “Raindrops!” Blossomforth exclaimed. All the veteran postal workers suddenly crowded the new mare while Lightning tried to figure out where she’d heard that name before. “I thought you’d be on maternity leave for a few more weeks,” Derpy stated. “You did just give birth last month.” “As luck would have it, I found a nanny for the little guy. Besides, I wanted to get back as soon as possible.” Raindrops finally recognized Lightning around the same time Lightning recognized her. “So who’s this?” “Oh, this is Lightning. She’s the newest member of the Ponyville Post family… and uh… she’s kind of been borrowing your uniform while you’ve been out.” Raindrops nodded. “Nice to meet you.” The two shook hooves. “Quick question, you didn’t jack off in my uniform, did you?” Lightning’s face contorted into a look of disgust and confusion and she recoiled back. “What?!” Rainbowshine snorted. “Great first impression, Raindrops.” The yellow mare grinned. “Sorry,” she said to Lightning. “But I had to ask. One year we hired a temp who got a little too… heated I guess is the right word, in the back room. I just wanted to make sure my uniform wouldn’t have any unexpected stains on it.” Lightning had yet to change her expression. “What?!” Derpy meekly grinned, and reassuringly patted her on the shoulder. “Relax, Lightning. Just consider this some… uh… hazing. You know, a little good, clean fun?” “There is nothing clean about what she just suggested.” The girls all gave a laugh at Lightning’s clear discomfort, so she shook her head in an attempt to reset her facial features. “Calm down.” Raindrops grinned. “It’s not like I would have worn it if you rubbed one in with it on.” “Hey, I have an idea,” Lightning loudly put in. “Let’s just drop this whole conversation all together.” “Sounds good to me,” Derpy concurred. All five of them crammed through the tiny doors of the post office and began walking towards the break room. Lightning unconsciously distanced herself from Raindrop as they did so, until she realized something. She tapped Derpy on the shoulder. “Hey, if Raindrop’s back, then what am I going to use for a uniform?” Derpy, Rainbowshine, and Blossomforth shared a few excited glances. “What’s going on?” “Well,” Derpy said. “We’ve… uh… had a surprise ready for you, and I guess now would be the time to reveal it.” Lightning cocked her head, before finding herself pulled into the break room by three eager mares. “Okay seriously now, what’s going on?” They stopped dragging her when they made it the lockers. Derpy bounced into view. “Okay now, close your eyes and hold out your hoof.” Though the request was slightly odd, she complied. Her eyelids fell shut, and her hoof extended. A second later something small and metallic was dropped into it. Her eyes instinctively popped open. In her hoof was a small, shiny key. Lightning’s head jerked up as she looked from the key to the locker in front of her. “No.” She glanced at her co-workers. “You guys didn’t.” “We did.” Blossomforth grinned. “Go on newbie, test it out.” Lightning inserted her new key into the lock and turned. Derpy’s face looked like it might explode with giddy anticipation as the tumblers click, unlocking the metal door. Opening it with a firm yank, Lightning’s eyes widened as she spied its contents. Inside was a fresh, pleated mailmare’s uniform. And it looked to be just her size. “Holy bucking shit!” she screamed. “Is that for me?” “It’s in your locker, you idiot,” Rainbowshine said jokingly. “Who do you think it belongs to? Princess Celestia?” Lightning grabbed the uniform and pressed it close to her, inhaling the scent of fresh linen. “You guys are the best!” “Group hug!” Derpy leapt into Lightning, wrapping her in a tight embrace. Rainbowshine and Blossomforth joined before too long, and even Raindrops slipped in. They stayed huddled up for a moment, Derpy burying her head into Lightning’s chest, but eventually all came to the consensus that work had to start soon. Disentangling themselves from each other, Lightning began to try on her new uniform. “Fits like a glove,” she exclaimed, the hat squarely placed on her head. The rest of the uniform snuggly wrapped around her body. She strutted around for a few seconds just to break it in. “Yep, and this one you can jack off in if ya want,” Raindrops threw in, going for her own locker. Lightning was about to recoil, but Derpy intervened. “Since you’re already suited up, do you want to grab the letters for today? I’ll be out in a sec.” “Sure,” Lightning decided, happy to escape any more potential masturbation comments from Raindrops. She trotted out of the break room and went for the mailbags. Conversation drifted out from the break room as the other mares changed, but she managed to tune them out. That is… until her name came up. “…Lighting Dust and you are totally a thing now, right Derpy?” Blossomforth asked. A thing? What the heck does that mean? Out of curiosity Lightning strained to hear more. “Come on, we’re friends… it’s not like that.” “Are you sure?” Rainbowshine piped up. “Cause word around the block is you came home last night toting a very curvy, gold-haired pegasus on your back.” “Really?” Raindrops asked. “What’s that all about, Derps?” “It’s… we’re just living together, girls. No big deal.” “No big deal? That sounds like a very big deal to me! Either you two are getting a little hanky-panky going or–” “It’s not like that, I swear!” Mailbag in tow, Lightning began walking back to the break room. Whatever the discussion was about, she could tell Derpy didn’t like it and needed an excuse to leave. “But you want it to be like that right?” Lightning rounded the corner just as Blossomforth finished speaking. Derpy’s face was redder than a tomato, her out of sync eyes darting about while the other three mares were all giving her info-prying looks. “Hey Derpy,” Lightning interrupted. Four heads snapped in her direction, each looking shocked and embarrassed as if they’d been doing something wrong. Lightning didn’t think too much of it and held up her bags. “Mail’s ready.” “Oh… right.” Derpy scurried away from the other mares and began walking with Lightning out of the post office. “So… uh… how much of that did you hear?” “Not a lot,” Lightning lied. She didn’t know why she said that; maybe she didn’t want Derpy to be more embarrassed than she already was, or maybe it was just her subconscious feeling that it was a topic not to touch. Either way, Derpy seemed happy to have the subject dropped. “We better get to our rounds then.” Lightning heard her stomach grumble. “Can we make them quick? I know we just ate but I’m already ready for our-“ “-Lunch break!” Derpy had to duck to avoid Lightning’s enthusiastic hoof pumping. “Watch it.” She smiled. “I don’t need another black eye.” The response was immediate; Lightning lowered her legs and looked almost ashamed. Derpy sighed, her eyes rolling. “It was a joke, Lightning.” “I know, I know.” Lightning forced a smile. “I just… I still feel like an ass, okay?” “You are an ass. Sometimes,” Derpy said with a grin. “But you’re my ass. Uh… I mean… you’re my friend.” Lightning’s smile was genuine this time. “Hey, do you think we should invite Time with us? Knowing him he’s probably worked right through every lunch since we last saw him.” Derpy only needed a second to ponder the suggestion. “Good idea. Afterwards I’ll force him to hang out with Dinky. Can’t have him breaking a promise to a foal.” With a nod, Lightning concurred. She glanced down the street. “This way to his place, right?” “Yep. You’re getting to know your way around town pretty well.” They started walking towards the clock shop. “Well, considering I live and work here now, I should get some kind of mental map going. Wait a minute…” Derpy cocked her head. “What?” “Why the buck are we walking? We’re flippin’ pegasi!” She snapped her wings open and lifted into the air. Derpy followed suit, and the two soared low to the ground on their way to Time’s place. They reached the clock shop in a matter of seconds, and Lightning practically kicked the door in. On the other side, Time was in the middle of a heated argument. “Shut up!” he screamed. There was a clock before him, a cuckoo clock to be specific, and it was being very noise. “Cuckoo! Cuckoo! Cuckoo!” “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” Time raged. “Don’t make me take a screwdriver to you. You know I will.” ‘Cuckoo!” “Gah!” Derpy and Lightning shared a look. “Um… should we come back later?” Time whipped his head around, a smile coming to his face despite the blaring noise from the clock behind him. “Oh, hi girls, I didn’t see you come in.” He glanced back at the cuckoo clock with a pissed look. “Or hear you.” “Yeah well,” Derpy spoke over the loud background noise. “We were wondering if you’d join us for lunch.” “Sure. I just need to fix this damn thing before I go.” Lightning briskly walked forward, calmly took the cuckoo clock in one hoof, and proceeded to bash it against the counter top repeatedly. After five of six hits, the gears inside whirred and the noise ceased. She tossed the battered mess on the floor and turned to Time. “Fixed.” Time Turner opened his mouth, and let his jaw hang for a moment. “Eh,” he finally said. “I never liked that clock anyways.” “So where to, Derpy?” “I was the thinking the Hayburger,” she replied, nudging her head to the restaurant across the street. “Fast food?” Time asked. “I dunno…” “Don’t be a priss.” Lightning grabbed his hoof and yanked him forward. “All right, fine.” The trio made their way to the Hayburger; Lightning’s hungry stomach propelling her forward. Derpy opted to hang back with Time Turner. “So,” he annunciated. “How are… things?” “Lightning Dust moved in with me,” Derpy blurted out. Time blinked. “Uh…” “She really needed a place to stay,” she continued. “And, my home was available… kinda… and I didn’t want to keep it a secret from you.” “Uh…” Derpy blinked. “You think I’m being stupid.” “I did not say that.” “You were thinking it.” “…Maybe.” Derpy bit her lip. “Well what was I supposed to do? You didn’t see her place Time, it was… Celestia, there are no words to describe how retched it was. She needed to get out of there.” Time sighed, his chestnut chest exhaling a long, unsteady breath. “Derpy, are you sure this is about what’s best for Lightning and not …” he looked to make sure the aqua-marine pegasus was still out of earshot. “…that thing you told be about at the bar?” Her gray features morphed into mortification. “You think I’m letting Lightning sleep on my couch because I think it will make her love me?” Turner barely had time to blink before Derpy delivered a slap to his cheek. “Ow!” “How dare you even insinuate that!” Derpy was fuming. “Do you honestly believe I would–” “Of course not,” Time interrupted. “I just… I don’t want you making choices that you may regret later.” “What?” Derpy’s anger dissipated, giving way to confusion. Unfortunately, she did not get anytime to press Time for questions. “Hey guys!” Lightning yelled from up ahead. “Move it will ya?” Shooting her friend one last look of frustrated confusion, Derpy turned toward the Hayburger and broke into a trot. Time Turner wasn't too far behind.