//------------------------------//
// Bonus Chapter: Rarity in Wonderland 
// Story: Discord Gets a Job 
// by kingfish 
//------------------------------//

	Rarity sat on the blanket having a peaceful picnic with her friends. Fluttershy sat demurely nibbling on a chocolate-chip cookie, Twilight had her snout buried in a book as always,  Applejack and Rainbow Dash were discussing something tomboyish, and Pinkie Pie was being... Pinkie Pie. And Discord was nowhere to be seen. All in all, it was a very beautiful, normal day. Which is why Rarity was confused when Fluttershy's pet rabbit bolted past them carrying something shiny.
"Fluttershy," she said, "why did you bring Angel with you to the picnic? I thought this was supposed to be an outing of friends."
"Oh, I didn't, Rarity," she said, putting down her cookie. "Oh dear, he must have followed me. I told him not to, but I guess sometimes he doesn't hear me."
"I'm sure he hears you just fine," Rarity muttered. "Well, I'll go over and get him."
"Oh that's okay, Rarity, I couldn't possibly—"
"No, dear, I insist," said Rarity as she stood up. "After all, you were the one who organized this picnic. In addition, getting back from that trip to the Amarezon must have you simply exhausted; I think it's only fair." Fluttershy shrank back into her mane.
"Oh, okay. If you really want to..."
"But of course, dear." Rarity trotted over to look for Angel. She saw a white furry object jump behind a tree and trotted after it in earnest. She rounded the bend and saw in the distance Angel hopping along hurriedly.
"You should come back here, Angel!" she yelled after him. "Fluttershy might start to get worried!" He turned around and Rarity saw that he was wearing an old-fashioned-looking suit and carrying an umbrella and a gold pocket-watch that was much too large for him.
"But I can't!" he shouted back, pointing to the watch. "I'm late for a very important date!"
Odd, Rarity thought. I don't remember Angel having the ability to speak.
"What are you late for?" she asked, her curiosity taking over her brain.
"I just told you, a very important date!" he said. He turned and hopped away again, and Rarity chased after him.
"Wait a minute, that voice sounds like... No, Rarity, you're just imagining things." She considered that for a moment. "...says the mare who just held a conversation with a rabbit carrying a pocket-watch." The unicorn chased the rabbit until he rounded a corner and hopped down into a hole in the ground which appeared to be a burrow. It was at this point that Rarity stopped.
"Uh! I will most certainly not chase you down into that dirty hole. My generosity will only go so far! I must be dreaming, anyway. That's it! I must have fainted in the hot noonday sun, and my friends will wake me up any time now!" She turned and smacked her rump onto the ground. This unfortunately broke the ground around the burrow and she fell backward into the hole screaming.
She fell for only a few seconds before she felt herself hit the ground much more lightly than she thought she would. She looked up and saw that there was a solid ceiling above her. That was quite odd.
"Curiouser and curiouser," she mumbled to herself. She got up and walked down the long hallway presented before her. It was lit surprisingly well for an underground tunnel, despite having no visible light sources to speak of.
Eventually, after much complaining about the ubiquity of dirt in the tunnel, she came to a small door. She opened it, thinking it would be a way out, but it led only to a smaller door. She opened that, and there was another door, even smaller than the previous one. This trend continued and soon, she was looking at a door that was barely larger than her hoof.
Suddenly she saw movement out of the corner of her eye, but when she looked to her right, she saw only a short wooden table. Resting on the tabletop was a small glass bottle. She picked it up with her magic, holding it close to her face and examining it carefully. It had a paper label tied to the neck with a string, looking withered and yellowed by time, but still perfectly readable.
"'Drink me,'" she read. "Hmm... It doesn't look harmful. But what does it matter? This has to be a dream, anyway. Oh, what the hay?" She screwed the top off the bottle and took a small sip, instantly causing her body to convulse. She saw the area around her appearing to grow larger. The table next to her grew and grew, and she realized she must be shrinking. She had never heard of any kind of magic potion that could gradually shrink a pony like that.
When she stopped shrinking, she saw that she was now the perfect size to fit through the door. She walked to it and tested the knob with her magic. It being unlocked, she walked through and suddenly found herself inside her Boutique, apparently full size. She looked around and noticed she was surrounded by dancing clams.
"What?" she said in utter confusion. Suddenly, Discord appeared wearing a garish walrus costume that appeared to be made out of a burlap sack and crudely glued-on googley eyes.
"♫We're cabbages and kings!♫" he sang. The clams all clapped their shells in applause, prompting Discord to bow. "Thank you, thank you!" he said.
"Discord, what are you doing?" asked Rarity. "And where's the rabbit?"
"What rabbit?" Discord asked innocently, but Rarity knew better.
"The white rabbit! Angel! I followed him down into this bizarre world and—is that green on my walls?!" Indeed, the walls of Rarity's Carousel Boutique were painted a garish color of cactus green, along with many other colors and patterns that did not match at all. In a single second, her whimsical dream had transformed into a twisted nightmare!
"Oh, Rarity, you simply must relax. After all, how else will you slay the Jabberwocky?"
"The what?"
"The Jabberwocky. You already have the vorpal sword; you might as well use it." Rarity looked around and, amazingly, she realized she had indeed been holding a silvery sword in the grip of her magic. When she saw it, she immediately dropped it, causing it to snickersnack loudly against the ground, likely scratching her beautiful hardwood floor.
She turned around to shout at Discord and saw that, lo and behold, the walrus suit had inexplicably disappeared, leaving him sporting a pattern of plum and magenta stripes and a pair of cat ears. Rarity decided to promptly ignore those details; she would never understand Discord no matter how hard she tried.
"Discord!" she said. "Stop this mischief this instant! This is mad!"
"Oh, but Rarity," he replied with a chuckle, "didn't you know?" His ever-present grin suddenly began to grow, the lips slowly stretching in opposite directions across his face. His teeth showed through, shining like ivory in the light of the Boutique. The rest of his body was fading, and eventually the only parts of him still visible were his differently-sized eyes and creepy grin floating in the air.
"We're all mad here," he finished, his grin reminding Rarity of Twilight in full breakdown mode. He chuckled the same dark and evil chuckle that she remembered so well, and as it progressed it soon morphed into a crazy, terrifying cacophony; the cackle of a madmare.
The clams suddenly began advancing on her like an angry mob. There was no chanting, as would be expected; they conveyed quite enough threat through simply their stance and body language alone. There was no knowing what those infernal things would do to her if they caught her.
Horrified, Rarity turned and galloped away toward the back of the Boutique, heading up the stairs toward where she thought her bedroom should be, Discord's haunting laughter echoing off the walls and following her like a little black thundercloud. When she reached the top of the stairs, she opened the door with her magic and leapt through into abyss. She fell and fell and fell, screaming and crying hysterically all the way.
"I WANT TO GO HO-HO-HOME!!!" she sobbed as she fell. Soon, she saw a little speck of light below her, and then she suddenly felt herself impact on what felt like wood. A second later, her head shot up to attention as she heard Discord's insane cackling once more. She jumped up and bolted off, galloping across a flat plane of wood covered with white lace. Tree trunks of stained porcelain rose up on each side of her, gigantic vases and bowls rushing past her in a frenzy.
Off to the side, Discord stood leaning against the side of a crystal vase. He turned to his right and gestured to the galloping fashionista.
"What a drama queen," he said. The magically animated playing card he was speaking to scowled at him and said nothing. Unfortunately, no matter how much she wanted to, she had no legs of her own and so could not leave under her own power. She did, however, turn away, trying to give Discord the nonverbal signal to shut the hay up.
"I say off with her head," he said with a grin. The Queen of Hearts glared at him.
"Will you shut up?" she said. "I already told you to leave me alone."
"Oh, come now, Queenie. Surely you don't mean that. Maybe you just need to play a nice, relaxing game of croquet."
"Go away," she said again. He turned to his left.
"What do you think, Dormouse?" The lid lifted off the top of a tiny teapot, revealing a small, sleepy-looking mouse dressed in a little purple tuxedo.
"Where's the March Hare, Hatter?" he yawned.
"Hay if I know," said Discord, putting on a top hat with a card stuck in the rim reading "10/3."
Rarity, meanwhile, ran and ran, eventually entering a swirling tunnel. She glanced behind her and saw countless enemies chasing her; Nightmare Moon dressed in a red robe, her cat Opalescence with her fur died purple and pink, and two Diamond Dogs dressed in leotards and beanies. She saw a door in front of her, and she tried to reach the knob, but she could not quite reach it. Her hoof slowly got closer and closer, but the mob was gaining on her. She finally reached the door, wrapping her hooves around the knob, and tugged—then discovered that it was locked.
"No!" she screamed. "Please! Don't hurt me! I'm just an innocent fashionista!"
"Rarity! Rarity!" the mob chanted, advancing on her menacingly.
"No!" she cried, jiggling the knob frantically. "No! No!"

"Rarity? Rarity!" The white mare mumbled in her sleep, tossing as she was jostled by Twilight.
"No, don't... I'm innocent..."
"RARITY!" Twilight screamed, and Rarity woke up with a start.
"Ah!" she shrieked, sitting bolt upright. She looked around and saw that she was back at the picnic. She twisted further to look around and fell off her red couch, landing on the grass with a quite undignified "oof!"
"What happened?" asked Rarity, rubbing her head.
"Ya fell asleep, Rares," said Applejack. "We weren't gonna wake ya up, but then ya started mumblin' like ya were havin' a nightmare or somethin'." Rarity was silent for a moment, then threw her hooves down on the ground triumphantly.
"I knew it!"
"Knew what?" said Rainbow Dash, who was hovering in the air as usual.
"I knew it was a dream! I knew it from the very beginning!" She paused, much of her confidence leaving her as she stared off into space. "But it felt so real..." She suddenly heard a masculine voice that should not have been there.
"What did you dream about, Rarity?" She turned around to see the offender standing behind her couch.
"Discord!" she growled. He shrugged.
"Yes. Your point being?" Rarity turned to her friends.
"What is he doing here?!"
"Oh," said Fluttershy, "he just wanted to be part of the picnic. He got here right after you fell asleep." Rarity pointed an accusatory hoof at the draconequus.
"That ruffian meddled with my dream! I dreamed about shrinking potions and evil dancing clams and talking cards, and he was there wearing a huge, honking grin and singing about cabbages!" Applejack quickly put her hoof on Rarity's, forcing it down.
"Whoa now, Rares. Ain't no need to go blamin' Discord. Ya sure it wasn't just, ya know... a dream?"
"Honestly, you girls don't give me enough credit sometimes," said Discord, crossing his arms and pointing up his chin with a harrumph.
"Don't you even talk about us giving you credit, mister," said Rainbow Dash.
"Rainbow..." said Fluttershy cautiously.
"You already betrayed us for Tirek; how much credit do you think we should give you?"
"Rainbow!" yelled Fluttershy, giving her the Stare. The pegasus slowly floated down to the ground and hid behind Applejack, keeping her eyes on Fluttershy lest the normally shy mare do something herself to make her stop.
"S-Sorry," Rainbow said, having apparently switched personalities with her friend at some point during the argument. The rest of the group, who had been watching the exchange, turned back to Rarity. The unicorn promptly dropped the rock she had been levitating behind Discord's head and cleared her throat.
"Shouldn't he be acting more hyper?" she asked. "He's being awfully nonchalant about his denial."
"Rarity," said Twilight, "I think you should calm down a bit. I'm sure it was just an odd dream. Have you eaten anything odd in the last few hours?"
"Well," said Rarity, knowing her defeat was imminent, "I did eat some of the potato salad..."
"You must have just had an overabundance of vitamin B6 in your system. That's been known to cause extremely vivid dreams."
"I guess so..."
"Come on over here," said Applejack. "Let's eat."
Sitting a distance away from the picnic, Discord watched them with a smile on his face. The smile grew until it was taking up his entire face, then his body gradually started to fade away. First the legs disappeared, then the arms. The rest of his body disappeared in a coiling fashion, then came his head. And the last thing to disappear was his toothy grin.