Ch. 30 - Rage Against The Dying Of The Light
“Hmm...not good.”
The wanderer turned to his compatriot. “Mr. Rose, may I suggest...”
P. Rose had a hand clasped over his mouth, fingers digging into his cheek. He glared at the wanderer. A piercing glare that could bore into the heart of a neutron star.
As far as the wanderer knew, such a feat was literally possible. For one of them. He gulped. “...shutting up, sir.” He turned back towards the world, watching intently as the latest rising star fell.
Painwheel fell.
Her stomach churned. Wind whipped her hair and her garments. How it tickled her memory. It was just like...that time. When the world gave way, and she fell from hers, into another.
I'm leaving this world the same way I entered it, Painwheel thought, ruefully. How appropriate.
Her eyes wandered, watching the castle begin to shrink away from her. Spires of purple and gold towered high above, topped with miniature representational suns that glittered in the morning light. Shone radiant for the sake of their inspiration.
Painwheel looked down, rushing air chilling her eyes. Blinking away the tears, she continued to take in the landscape expanding to meet her. It was verdant green. Was this sight to be the last she saw?
Her heart palpitated. Pounded in her chest, in her extremities, in her ears. She could hardly hear over her own blood. Painwheel winced, the parasites roiling and writhing over the entirety of her body. Their thorns dug into muscles and scrapped bone, adding scratches to the heartbeats she heard in her head. The Gae Bolga twisted about, wracking Painwheel's body with stinging pain. She groaned.
Did the parasites know? Could they understand what she was doing? Or were they responding to her heightened state of agitation?
No, it wasn't merely agitation. Painwheel frowned, sweat forming on her brow and shearing away in the steadily increasing breeze. She was more than agitated. Painwheel looked upon that verdant greenery and felt something much stronger. More definable.
She felt fear.
No, she thought, shaking her head. She shut her eyes tight. There's nothing to be afraid of. It'll be over soon. Then I'll have peace.
She held her eyes shut, against the wind and against sight. She hugged her arms, letting herself drop. It wouldn't be long now. But it seemed to take so long. The sound of blood rushing through her head came in waves. Swells and ebbs that played out inside her; a black sea she carried with her. Each beat – each wave – took forever to come.
What if the end came without her knowing it? The thought sent a jolt through her heart, and Painwheel's eyes shot open. That green was still there, scarcely closer than when she closed her eyes.
She grimaced in pain...and in terror. A niggling thought entered her mind: what if it doesn't kill me? What if I lay on the ground, but my body heals itself too much to die?
Painwheel fell with her body parallel to the ground, facing forward. In a panic, she leaned forward, flapping with her arms to orient her head downward. Now, when she landed, it would be head first, where she'd have the highest chance of...
It's going to be okay, she thought, shaking like a leaf. She closed her eyes again. It'll be okay. My life was over when Lab Zero captured me. When...Filia betrayed me. When my parents rejected me.
The ponies will move on when I'm gone. They never really liked me anyway. They tolerated me, that's all. No one would want a monster like me. I'm just a reminder of terror, or of a terrible past. It's better if I just die.
She opened her eyes again. The verdant green was closer now. It wouldn't be long.
This is fine, she thought, hugging herself. Feeling the parasites squirm under her skin. This is just fine. It's better this way. I deserve this. I need this. I...I want this.
...don't I?
“What this one called, mommy?”
A small girl pointed to a white flower, jumping up and down impatiently. She tried to read the plaque placed by the park employees, but to her dismay she couldn't make out the words. Staring at the plaque, she scrunched her face. “Ma...mag...gno...magno...ol...”
The girl's mother approached, out of breath but smiling softly. “That's a Magnolia, dear. Isn't it beautiful?”
A rapid nod from the girl. “Mhmm!” she hummed, staring up at the flower. “It's really pretty.” She stepped over to her mother, pulling on the woman's sundress. “What does it mean? What does it mean, mommy?”
“It means nobility and dignity,” the mother said, patting the child's head lovingly.
“Oh,” the girl said, looking towards the flower, deep in thought. “...what does that mean?”
The mother giggled. “It means to have honor. To carry oneself well. Like a proper lady or gentleman.”
“Will I be a proper lady when I grow up?”
“Only if you work really hard,” the mother said. “Being a lady means acting the part. That means having proper etiquette. Minding your manners. And always acting in a proper, noble fashion. Can you do that?”
“Yes!” the girl exclaimed. “I sure can...oh!” She looked in the near distance, spying a different flower. “What's that? Over there!” She took off running, the happy mother following steadily.
Carol gushed.
“And now, the act you've all been waiting for! The Vitali Circus' pride and joy! CEREBELLA!”
A roar of applause rose up around the big top, heads craning to the ceiling with fists raised in excitement. Eyes locked on the wires as a teenaged girl was illuminated by spotlights. She didn't stand tall, her body was wiry, yet the hints of maturity were forming in her figure. Evidence that, not too long yet, she would fill out into a full-figured young woman. Her head was topped with short, green hair.
She waved to the crowd, blowing kisses, then donned a hat, with the face of an angry rabbit on its crown. The hat expanded, two muscular arms sprouting like daisies. They took hold of a bar suspended by cables from the ceiling, and the girl – suspended by her wondrous hat – swung over the vast expanse in the tent.
Far below, a growing preteen girl clutched a bag of popcorn tightly, eyes locked upon that figure as she sailed through the air. The girl gasped as the acrobat's headwear let go, then heaved a sigh of relief as the figure caught another waiting bar with the hook of a leg.
“Amazing!” the girl exclaimed, pointing.
Carol beamed.
“To hear your voice...is pomegranate wine...to me...I draw life from hearing it...”
Atop an ornately decorated stage, a massive lotus split open. Fog – undoubtedly from a fog machine – billowed around the base of the flower. As the petals parted, they revealed a woman. Dressed in the richest finery – her skin the color of polished bronze – the woman sang.
“Could I see you with every glance...” The woman – clad as if pulled straight from the shores of the Nile – sang softly, crooning into a stylized microphone. A piano played slowly in the background. “It would be better for me...than to eat or drink...”*
Seated at a table in the audience, a brown-haired teenage girl stared, mouth agape, drinking in the sound. She absentmindedly stroked the surface of her glass, trailing fingerprint paths through the condensation. Suddenly, she felt an elbow jarring into her arm.
Her blond companion smiled at her, eyes jerking towards the singer. “I told you she was the bees knees,” she whispered. “And you wanted to stay at home.”
The teenager sighed, relaxing. “Thank you for bringing me, Filia. You didn't have to, but...”
“But I know a good show when I hear it,” the blond interrupted. “Plus, you need to get out more.”
“Aren't shows like this expensive?” the brunette asked, tapping her glass lightly against the table. “Where did you get a reservation?”
“Dad is rich,” the blond said, turning to face the singer. “And has a lot of connections.”
“Oh.” The brunette girl also returned her eyes to the main event. As the woman swayed seductively on stage, the teenager noticed the stage flanked by walls of flowers. Cornflowers, daisies, mandrakes, and roses. Irises, myrtles, jasmine, narcissus, and ivy. Rosin Cress, celosia, water lilies, and poppies.** “...thank you.”
“No problem,” Filia said, patting her friend on the shoulder.
Carol blushed.
“Happy Birthday!”
Carol inhaled deeply, the yellow candlelight flickering across her face. Bending close, she blew at the flames, dispersing them. Soft little pinpricks of fire snuffed out, leaving trails of acrid smoke to trail away.
“Yay!” Carol's parents cheered. Her father landed one of his great hands on her shoulder. Her mother smiled, leaning close and rubbing her cheek against Carol's.
Carol placed a hand on her father's, and her other hand around her mother's waist.
Carol felt loved.
I've made a huge mistake.
A tear formed on Painwheel's cheek, disintegrating in the rush of air.
“I...I don't want to die.”
“OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH OH MY GOSH”
Twilight Sparkle couldn't keep a single hoof on the ground for more than an instant. She tapped in place, then started running to and fro around the balcony. “Oh sweet Celestia, what do I do? What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?!”
Nearby, a certain draconiquus floated in space, neck craned over the edge. He looked up and back, frowning. Seeing the mare galavanting about, he rolled his eyes so hard the pupils stretched the bounds of his eyeballs. “Really, my dear?” he said. “How about saving her?”
Twilight stopped in her tracks, signs of mental distress so indicative to the mare setting in. Disheveled hair, grinding teeth, full-body twitches. But this was tinged with a distinct, personal horror. “B-but she said...” Twilight began, jerking her head from side to side. “...she said...”
“And you listened to her?” Discord said, raising an eyebrow. He waved towards the railing. “Why in Equestria would you heed that? Or did you really learn nothing from that...modeling incident, or whatever it was Fluttershy went on about that involved Rarity? About keeping promises, even if it would hurt your friends?”
…
Twilight Sparkle stopped completely, for a moment. Her eye twitched.
Then she rushed towards the railing, wings flapping. She didn't even wait for Discord to move out of the way, the latter simply allowing himself to go two dimensional and spinning like a cardboard cutout about its axis.
The alicorn princess dove. “Painwheel! I'm coming!”
She flapped her wings, harder and harder. Eyes set forward, straining shut against the cold moving air. Twilight blinked repeatedly, scanning the vast ground beneath her. “Painwheel...where...are...you?”
Her heart raced, beating engine-like in her chest. Could a heart beat so fast and so hard it burst from the chest? It was a fascinating question, and one deserving an experiment. Plans would need to be drawn up, variables isolated, and safeguards put in to prevent instantaneous death by heart attack. Asking Princess Celestia for grant money would be the next logical...
Twilight shook her head violently. This was no time for science, as heretical as it seemed.
Well, perhaps a little science. Twilight swore to herself. Her wings hurt, and she couldn't be sure if she was gaining any speed. Unlike Rainbow Dash, who could accelerate downward at such a rate as to eventually break the sound barrier, Twilight...
She gulped, sweating forming on her brow. Limited as she was to terminal velocity, there was no way Twilight could ever catch up to...
“Painwheel!”
Twilight saw it. In the distance below was the shape of a spinning swastika. And it was growing larger – closer – by the moment.
“Painwheel!” Twilight yelled, excitedly. “Painwheel, I'm coming! Hold on!” She flapped harder, straining her already sore wings further. They screamed for rest. She pressed on, gritting her teeth. “Just...a little...more...”
The emaciated figure came into view, and grew closer.
“Painwheel! Painwheel! Pain-”
The human zipped right past.
“-wheel?”
Buar Drive blades spinning, Painwheel flew over the railings to the balcony.
“Ah, there you are,” Discord began, smirking. “I-”
Painwheel tackled Discord to the ground.
The avatar of chaos gasped, straining and clawing at his neck, clutched as it was by the human's bony fingers. Those strong arms pinned him to the ground. “Oof! I...ack...say,” he coughed, “is there something the-”
“Shut. Up.” Painwheel's eyes bore holes through the chimera's face, burning red like hellfire. She tightened her grip on his neck. Discord promptly stopped talking.
Behind them, a panting and straining Twilight flapped over the balcony railing. “P-pain...wheel...” she panted, then dropped like a stone onto the deck. “Y-you...what are you...?”
“Twilight, please,” choked Discord, peeking over at the mare, “can you ask this human to-”
“I said shut up!” Painwheel yelled into Discord's face, causing the creature's hair to blew back with the force.
“P-painwheel,” Twilight wheezed, getting to her hooves. “You came back. I'm glad. But...why?” She coughed, then smiled hopefully. “Did you realize as you were falling that your problems weren't worth dying over? That there were other ways?”
“...yeah,” Painwheel said gravely. She looked over to Twilight. “I realized I shouldn't be sad or give into despair.” That sort of thing didn't help her before, and it wouldn't now. Nearly turned her into a Skullgirl.
Twilight smiled wider, the light catching in her eyes like the sparkles that were her namesake.
“I should get pissed off!” Painwheel said, turning back to Discord and punching him in the cheek.
“Ow!” Discord yelped. A lion's paw rose up and rubbed his cheek.
Twilight's joyful expression changed to dismay. “...uh...”
“Ow, ow, ow!” Discord whined. “Really, was that necessary? I-” Then he was slammed back against the ground, dust billowing from where he landed.
“Don't you fuck with me!” Painwheel yelled, barring her teeth. Her full weight – over three hundred pounds, although that was mostly metal and parasites – bore down on him. “I'm tired of everyone fucking with me, and I'm tired of taking it!” She glared, locking eyes with the draconiquus. “Slavery? Pain? Death? Fuck that, I take a fourth option.
“You want a deal, Discord? Here's mine: you fix me right now, or I beat the living shit out of you!”
Discord stared wide-eyed in amazement. “...really?”
“Really?” Twilight said, mouth agape.
“Really,” Painwheel said, raising a fist and squeezing it in front of her. “I don't care if you are the manifestation of disorder. I don't care if reality bends to your whims. Give me any more bullshit about me not earning my happy ending, and I'll show you exactly what this Anti-Skullgirl weapon can do.” She leaned in close enough that Discord could feel her breath on his snout. Painwheel's brows knit down, jaws clamped hard enough she spoke through her teeth. “Am. I. Clear?”
Laying there, on the ground, Discord stared in bewilderment. The angry face of a human reflected in his eyes. Then...he started laughing. “...ha...ha ha...ha ha ha ha ha!”
Painwheel's grimace faltered. “...huh?”
“Ho, ho!” he chortled, in spite of the heavy teenage girl on his chest. “Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha, ho ho, bwa ha ha!” Discord finally brushed a tear from his eye, laughter beginning to subside. “Oh my...ha ha...yes...Yes!” He grinned broadly; ecstatically.
“What?” Painwheel said, confounded.
“Yes! Good!” Discord said, pointing towards Painwheel, causing the human to recoil in surprise. “That's it. That's what I wanted to see.
“Rage. Rage against he dying of the light. Rage against death, and the cession of life. I detest the forces of Stasis, true, but I despise Entropy more. But you...” Discord's head cocked to the side. “You didn't give in. You turned away from oblivion, that most boring of states.
“Excellent. Humans...are such fascinating creatures.”
Painwheel sat stunned, then grimaced. “You think this is a game!?” she yelled, pulling her fist back behind her head.
“Painwheel!” Twilight gasped. “No!”
“AAAAHHH!” Painwheel screamed, aiming a hard punch to Discord's face.
In response, that grinning face simply disintegrated, causing the fist to slam effortlessly through it.
Painwheel gasped as her fist met no resistance. I didn't hit him that hard, she thought, did I? Then she recoiled, as the entire creature exploded. Falling onto her rump, Painwheel could only see a cloud of cherry blossom petals spread out in front of her. “Wha-”
“The heck?” Twilight said, eyebrow raised and jaw slack.
Petals spread out before them, a cloud of pink that tumbled in the air and began falling in waves. Amid the petals, a figure appeared. “Oh, what fun we have.” The figure turned around, revealing Discord...in a sailor uniform. “But really, Painwheel,” he said, eyes sparkling majestically, “how in Equestria did you think picking a fight with I, Discord, would turn out?” He waved his arms, posing dramatically, pointing two fingers over his forehead, with the other paw pointing at Painwheel. “In the name of Chaos, I must rebuke you.”
Painwheel gaped.
...it's just like one of my cartoons, she thought. Then she slapped herself, shaking her head. “W-wha...what the...what the fuck?”
Twilight Sparkle rubbed her eyelids. “Ugh...Discord, please,” she groaned. “Can we get back on track?”
“Oh, alright.” Discord snapped his fingers. With a flash, his school uniform disappeared. “But really, Painwheel, I had your best interest at heart.”
“Bullshit,” Painwheel barked, “you wanted me as your slave.”
“Why would I want that?” Discord said, raising a hand, palm up. “Slavery is a kind of order, you know. The relationship between Master and Slave is the height of order, and its very worst manifestation. I've switched sides dozens of times in history for the expressed purpose of preventing the order that comes from domination...well, that and because I'm just unpredictable like that.” He smirked. “I didn't want you as my slave. I wanted to galvanize you.”
“Huh?” Painwheel said. She rubbed her head. “What are you talking about?”
“What I said was true. You were focusing so heavily on escaping pain, you forgot to seek life.” Discord folded his arms. “You said no – in this case to pain – when you should have been saying yes. Yes to a better life. If I had snapped my fingers and cured you, no cost, you'd accept the relief, but wouldn't be any closer to appreciating your own life. Your own freedom. You were in a rut; a fixed pattern of depression that would not simply have gone away if the pain did. I know full well your hangups about being used; I knew the price I cited was one you weren't willing to pay. It was because I knew you'd reject the offer that I made it in the first place.
“Well, that and because I wanted to see how you'd react.”
Painwheel scowled.
Discord stroked his beard. “I expected your refusal,” he said, “to reject it out of hand, and try to renegotiate the deal. Honestly, you'd think humans never heard of haggling.” Then he sniggered. “But then...he he...but then, you went above and beyond my expectations. You didn't just reject me, you rejected everything.” He pointed excitedly at Painwheel. “You were willing to die to get everything you wanted. That impressed me greatly...though, as I said, I abhor the choice on principle. A good thing you changed your mind.”
“And what if she didn't change he mind?” Twilight asked, frowning. “Because of your stupid games, Painwheel could have died.”
“I was watching her!” Discord said, throwing his hands up defensively. “I planned on teleporting her back up here to safety...or materializing a cushioning pool of pudding to break her fall. Whichever.” He cocked an eyebrow at Twilight. “Makes me wonder why you didn't just use your magic to save her yourself. Hmm?”
Twilight opened her mouth, but paused in thought. Her expression dropped. She facehoofed.
Painwheel groaned in frustration. “Enough of this,” she said, fists balled up. “Are you going to fix me, or not?”
“Of course I will...for a price.”
“Oh come on!” Twilight groaned.
“You son of a bitch!” Painwheel said, stepping closer and flexing arms.
Discord splayed his hands out defensively. “I'm not asking much,” he said, “but what I said of needing to be paid was the truth.”
Painwheel had a fist pulled back, but she let it drop. For now. She frowned.
“I'm not asking for a lifetime of servitude,” Discord continued. “Besides, you're very much like Fluttershy. Being the straight woman in my routine would ill suit you. That's the problem with...sensitive types...” He smiled disarmingly. “No, what I want is more of a...quest. An errand, really. A trifle.” On his eagle claw he raised two talons, finger and thumb. How he had thumbs was another matter entirely. “A small task I need done.”
“...and then you'll fix me?” Painwheel said. Her eyes were narrowed in suspicion.
“And then I'll fix you, and you need never bother with me again.”
“You're not fucking with me?”
Discord puffed out his chest and ran a claw over it. “Cross my heart...” He flapped his arms like a bird. “...hope to fly...yadda yadda, I promise.” He punctuated the last part by raising two claws in a salute. “Crusader's honor.”
“...okay, I'll do it.”
The alicorn princess looked back and forth between the two, then stepped towards Painwheel. “I'm sorry,” she said, “but don't you want to know what he wants first?”
“If it's any single thing, I don't care.”
“Splendid!” Discord cheered, clapping. “Then let's get right to it, shall we?” He whispered under his breath, “Wasted enough time already...”
He snapped his fingers, and the world went white.