At the Inn of the Prancing Pony
Chapter 40: That Trapper’s a Keeper
“Craaaap...” Ellen groaned. “I was hoping it would be a genie skull.”
“There’s no such thing as a genie skull!” Erica cried out.
“And there’s only two places you’ll ever see bleached white skulls,” M.J. lectured her sister. “In a museum, and in the vicinity of an acid-spewing nasty.”
“Well!” exclaimed Susan, perhaps a bit too happy. “I vent my frustration with this crazy game, as well as try to save Midnight’s life, by attacking the monster.”
“Crossbow and Bolt +2?” asked Alexia.
“Yes.”
“I ready my most powerful magic,” Erica said haughtily, “my Wand of Lightning Bolts.”
“Choss gives off his battle cry, and then tries to roast the monster with fire,” said Mary Jo.
“Luckily for Midnight, trappers are resistant to fire damage,” said Alexia.
“Yeah, Choss doesn’t know that,” said M.J.
“Can I try to escape?” Ellen asked hopefully.
“No,” said Alexia. “The thing is squeezing you so tight that you can’t move. No saving throw.”
Mary Jo looked down at the array of character sheets she was responsible for. “Burnished attacks with his magic sword, Capriccio Bitalien. Facet uses her Staff of Striking, triple charge. Itty Bitty uses her bastard sword +2—because I always think it hilarious that Itty Bitty has a bastard sword. Bumble changes into a pegasus, which uses up his turn. Sophia looks around at the tiny room, which uses up her turn.”
Erica looked to her sheet, then to the crude map. “I move to one of the corners so that I won’t hit anypony, then let loose a bolt of lightning to hit the thing.”
“Well, moving will take up a turn,” said Alexia.
Luke sighed. “No backstab damage on this thing, huh?”
“No back!” Alexia said with a laugh. “The rest of you are behind too many others to attack. OK, let’s go through these in order. Torn Deck.”
“Miss.”
“Ameri moves. Choss.”
“Hits with breath weapon for...seven damage.”
“Which only counts as three because of the trapper’s fire resistance. Burnished Lore.”
“1!” M.J. exclaims with annoyance after rolling her die.
“You drop Capriccio, which exclaims something nasty in Bitalian. You’ll have to spend the next round picking it back up. Facet.”
“Hit!” exclaimed M.J. happily, knowing this was potentially the most powerful weapon to be used this round. “Fifteen damage.”
“Itty Bitty.”
“Miss.”
“And that ends the round. The next round, the trapper...hits Midnight for 5 points of crushing damage.”
Ellen bit her lip, marking Midnight down from 8 to 3 hit points.
Susan sighed. “I’m pretty much a lightweight when it comes to damage, so I step aside to allow the others to have their turn.”
“‘Can we mind-control it?’ Dragon Choss asks—he’s sort of preoccupied with mind control. ‘We only have anti-mind control circlets,’ answers Bumble. I shall not repeat Choss’ reply, as it wasn’t very polite. Choss goes in for claw attacks. Bumble attacks with his dagger +1. Burnished is picking up his sword. Facet uses her Staff, again at triple charge. Itty Bitty uses her sword +2 again. Sophia runs in...for a hoof attack, apparently. And Hope…‘Will this do?’ Where’d she get that mind-control circlet from? She runs in and attempts to put the circlet around a pseudopod of the trapper.”
“Carry On attacks with Nosey—that’s his magic sword +2,” said Luke.
“Ameri looses a lightning bolt.”
Mary Jo starts rolling dice. “Choss hits one out of two times, for three damage. Bumble misses. Facet misses. Itty Bitty hits, for ten damage. Sophia hits once, for three damage. Hope...succeeds in getting the mind-control circlet around a pseudopod! As a result, Midnight is no longer being crushed, and can begin to fight back on the next round. And Carry On...misses. Next round.”
Susan shrugged. “Torn Deck takes a shot with his crossbow and bolt +2.”
“The usual for my characters,” said M.J., sounding somewhere between bored and frustrated. “Claw attacks for Choss. Dagger +1 for Bumble. Capriccio Bitalien for Burnished. Staff of Striking, triple charge, for Facet. Bastard sword +2 for Itty Bitty. Hoof attack for Sophia. And Hope...is trying to pry the trapper open to free Midnight? Why didn’t you say that first? I would have had everypony helping you!”
By this point, the players and audience had become so used to “Hope’s” antics that they didn’t even notice anything out of the ordinary.
Ellen smiled and clasped her hands together. “Is it my turn to try and escape?”
“Yes,” said Alexia. “If you try to escape, then that basically means that both you and Hope are using Strength checks to try and break the trapper’s hold. Maybe two of you will be enough...maybe it won’t.”
“Can Carry On try to help as well?” Luke asked, figuring that it would be a better use of time than stabbing stone-like skin.
“Yes.”
“I’m in,” said Sally. “Chestnut is pretty strong.”
“Alright, that’s all that are going to be able to fit in this round,” Alexia said, picking up her 20-sided die. “And let the dice rolling begin!”
“Torn Deck misses,” reported Susan.
Mary Jo started to play out her character’s attacks. “Choss hits one out of two times...again. He must have a wonky claw. For three damage. Bumble hits, for four damage. Burnished misses. Facet...ooh, rolled a 1. Facet broke her Staff of Striking. Itty Bitty misses. Sophia must also have a wonkiness problem—she hits once, for three damage. Hope succeeds at her Strength check.”
Luke nodded along with the results. “I got a four, well below my strength, so I succeed, how about you, Ellen?”
The second Powell sister just looked relieved. “Might be a step away from being unconscious, but I succeed.”
“And so does Chestnut,” said Sally.
“Between the four of you, you manage to pry the arms of the creature apart long enough to pull Midnight free. At this point you have a weird-looking thing that looks kinda like a stone tulip.”
“‘Trappers can’t move,’ says Burnished. ‘So unless you want to bash this thing until it dies on the unlikely chance that it’s actually hiding a treasure worth taking, I think we’re done here.’” M.J. smiled rather incredulously at herself. “That’s despite the fact that you’d only collect half experience. It’s not what I would do were I an Equestrian pony, but that’s pretty solidly what Burnished Lore would advise under the circumstances.”
“Well, this is pretty obviously not a combat mission,” said Susan, sitting back, “and the treasure promised at the end is going to be more that worth it, I think.”
“Yeah, just a lesson to be learned...” Ellen sighed.
“Facet looks at her broken stick and whimpers. Burnished comforts her. ‘There, there,’ he says, ‘there will always be more magic items.’”
“‘Well, should I use my healing or speak with Celestia for it?’ Midnight asks the group in general.” As she spoke, Ellen’s lip trembled—she seemed to be taking the whole encounter as a failure of her handling of the situation.
“‘Save your healing for others,’” said Susan. “‘If you’ve got free healing, abuse it! Especially when you’re down as many hit points as you are right now.’ Oh, and while I’m at it, I thank Hope for her awesome moves, because it looks like Midnight here would have been a goner if not for her.”
“Midnight gives Hope a nice big hug. ‘Thank you. I’ll be much more careful in the future.’ Then I think of the sun.”
“Celestia is standing before you, shaking. Not in anger, but in fear. She’s nearly as traumatized as...never mind. ‘You almost died!’ she cries, pulling you into a tight embrace. ‘You almost made me break my promise.’ Her fear turns to rage. ‘Never do something so foolish with that body again!’ She missed a ‘foalish’ punning opportunity. For shame. Oh, and you have an instant suntan now, courtesy of the goddess of the sun. Congratulations.”
“I um...well... ‘Celestia, I’m sorry. I thought I could keep this from happening, and I was careless. But...with all of my...friends and...fans watching, I lost sight of what I needed to do. Please forgive me,’” Ellen begged.
“Celestia steps back, warily judging the sincerity of your expression.” Mary Jo waited for a few seconds, staring at Ellen, until she began wibbling her bottom lip again. “I never could resist that expression, and apparently, neither can Celestia. ‘I forgive you,’ she says. And down comes the horn o’ plenty. Bong!” She reaches forward with her sister’s magic wand from yesterday and bops her on the head with it. “Now stop with the lip!”
The crowd laughed.
Ellen relaxed a bit and smiled. “‘Thank you, Celestia. Thank you for believing in me, and letting me believe in you. I’ll make you proud of me.’”
“Celestia does nothing more than nod in acknowledgement, a smile upon her lips. And you return to yourself. Facet is feeling a little bit better, while Hope...has also recovered her composure.” M.J. looked over at Alexia, signaling that she could resume her control of this part of the adventure.
“There’s nothing else in this room,” said Alexia. “Do you leave?”
“I never even got to go in there!” complained Brittany.
“You’re not missing much,” said Sally.
“Yeah, the room is old hat,” Luke said haughtily.
Ellen chuckled, but seemed more interested in her character sheet. “So, we are still looking for the hexagon, right?”
Erica, who had gotten distracted doodling on her sheet, sprung back into action.
“Yes! Onwards, led by the great and skilled Ameri!”