I was in my living room, standing behind the old loveseat. Ann was in front of the French doors with the gauzy curtains billowing softly around her. She was wearing that knee-length green dress she loved. Behind her, the wine-red light of the setting sun was streaming in. She stood there, a light smile on her ruby lips, her green eyes with flattering eyeshadow looking at me with casual interest. The only sound was of the soft breeze rustling the leaves outside.
I felt my heart pound in my chest like some lovestruck teenager. “I’ve missed you. So much.”
Her smile grew, “I know. I missed you too.” Her smile grew sultry, “But I have to ask you one… little... question.”
I eagerly answered her, “Anything. Anything at all.”
Her smile changed to a frown, and she jabbed a deep red lacquered fingernail at me. “If you missed me, so very, very much,” her voice grew to a scream, “then why did you fuck a goddamn horse?!”
Her scream hurt worse than the slap in the face I had expected. I couldn’t breathe. The lump in my throat was so large that I couldn’t even swallow. Her hatred was all I could see.
I pleaded, “Please, Ann. It’s not like that.”
She sneered as her eyes burst into flames, her teeth became fangs, and her voice deepened, “As God as my witness, you will never see the kids or me ever again!”
I grovelled, inching forward. “Please, let me explain…”
Her face became a visage of rage, and she carried on without hesitation, “I hope you took your ring off when you did it, because it is never coming back on.”
My left hand was pulled painfully down by the ring finger. I looked to see my old wedding band, sold for food so many years ago, had grown so large it painfully pushed my pinkie and index fingers aside. The heavy burden had the word Treachery engraved in flaming letters on the surface. My eyes followed the ring as it slipped off and hit the ground with a dull, echoing thud.
I looked back up to Ann and whispered tearfully, “I was so alone for so long...”
Her voice became demonic as she spoke her final pronouncement upon me. “You’re worthless and weak. You are nothing. You will forever be nothing. The only thing you will ever be is a two-timing son of a bitch.”
The room spun, furniture shattered, and everything disappeared into a blurry, crunching mess.
In an instant, everything stopped, and I was in my old living room, sitting on the old comfy leather couch. All the other furniture was gone, the shelves with CDs, DVDs and nicknacks were empty, and there was a ragged hole where the television used to be. On the wind, Ann’s final words whispered in my ears.
... two-timing son of a bitch.
In the corner of the room, I saw a life-sized plush doll of Dash with a little Scootaloo doll lying on the ground in front of her. Slowly, the head turned to look at me, and I heard her voice saying, “I just can’t love someone as disloyal as you. Come on, Scootaloo, let's go.” I blinked, and they became the real Dash and Scootaloo, not toys. Scootaloo lamented, “I guess I don’t have a daddy anymore.” They stepped out the back doors through the billowing gauze and flew off.
I howled in frustration, anger, sorrow, and in the knowledge I was not worth pity.
My mind wrestled with the question, ‘What about self-pity?’ The roaring blackness thrice damned me for a fool. I don't deserve any pity after what I did. Holy vows meant nothing to me. Hallowed bonds I casually broke without a thought. Sacred promises I lied through my teeth. I am truly beyond redemption.
My failures, my weaknesses, my horrors, they all stabbed my heart. Each one a betrayal of someone who trusted me, or had never harmed me, or would have done good in the world had I not caused them to be snuffed out.
I fell off the couch and kept screaming. On the edge of my vision, I saw a dark blue shape.
“Go away!” I roared.
I closed my eyes, willing them away from me. Anyone helping a wretch like me would only be complicit in my vile treachery.
There was a roar of righteous anger, “Enough! Begone Foul Abomination!”
Despite the anger in the voice, it rang with compassion and grace. Compassion and grace that I didn’t deserve.
I flinched away as I felt a hoof on my cheek. I begged, “Please, go away…” I opened my eyes to see who this foolish person was.
Upon opening my eyes, I stared into Her perfect teal eyes. Her mane was like the darkest night with a dusting of brightest shimmering stars. Her smile was pure, kind, and hopeful. I knew she would walk by my side into the heart of death with no expectations, not even needing to be asked. I was absolutely certain she would carry me if I fell from grace. I knew this because she knew what it was to fall. Alone.
I then had a moment of clarity. ‘Celestia. This is just like Celestia. The projected emotions are being forced onto me. Different emotions to be sure, but less intense.’
In a tone that was as delicate as a snowflake in a spring breeze yet as powerful as a thousand hurricanes, “Alexander Jean-Paul Roberts! I Greet Thee And Give Unto You Glad Tidings.”
I looked up at her in horror. I simply could not understand what was happening. This loud, shouty alicorn was completely overwhelming.
She took a step back, seeing my awe. “I See That Our Presence Is Perceived As Strongly As Our Sister’s. Allow Us To Compensate For This.”
Her horn glowed a blinding silver light. Then she suddenly went from an overwhelming force of nature crashing onto my senses to merely one of a strong presence. I could see clearly now the hurricane of emotion was gone. I felt relief and collapsed a little more, the misery that had been driven away fading into a distant memory, never to return.
She seemed to perk up, “Much better. It would not do to have my champion prostrate himself before me. I hope you think of me as a friend, Alex, for I am here to help you.”
As I scrambled to kneel properly before a Princess, “Princess Luna, I’m so sorry I overreacted. I meant no disrespect. I-”
She laughed kindly, “You do apologize so.”
I felt relief. This was a dream. I doubt Luna would be in my living room back on Earth. ‘This vision of Ann was all guilt. Dammit, I already felt guilty enough, I don’t need this crap. All except Luna. She’s real. As real as I am.‘
She spoke as if replying to my inner dialogue. “This is true, Alex. This is just a dream, and that was not your true human wife. And, yes, I am real. As real as you.”
I stood in a slightly crouched combat stance and took a step back. “Did you just... read my mind?”
Her head tilted a little. “Of course. How else would we gain knowledge of you?”
I started remembering the worst GWAR song I could as loudly as my imagination allowed. Luna’s eyes widened in surprise and maybe a little shock.
I licked my lips nervously. “With all due respect, Your Highness, please stay out of my head. You really need to ask permission before you do that.”
Her expression became confused, “Do I? I am your Princess. I only have your greatest good as my intentions.”
I rubbed my dream face, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” She was startled by what I said, and she looked like she was getting angry. I swore to myself, then decided to take a more respectful approach, “Please understand, I fear having my mind read. My experience with this sort of thing in the past has been very negative.”
She took a step back and composed herself. “You are correct, of course. The road to Tartarus is paved with good intentions. If I am to garner your trust, I must show you trust. Thus, I must respect your privacy. Please,” she bowed her head, “accept my sincerest apologies."
I sighed, “No, Princess. You don’t have to apologize. I’m sure this would be how you would treat me if I were a pony. But, please understand, this is something that terrifies me.”
She seemed hesitant, maybe a little confused again. This time, she spoke without that royal tone. Instead, her voice has a slightly nasal tone to it. “Y-yes. My little ponies are joyful when I see into their hearts and can guide them to the solution to their problems.” She evaluated me for a long moment, looked around the wrecked dream room we were in, and bowed her head slightly. “Come. Let us walk a happy dreamscape and talk. I will answer any question you may have.”
I thought for a moment, “First off, thank you for stopping the nightmare. I really appreciate it.”
“I am the Princess of the Night. It is my duty to protect your dreams. I must confess I have not dared venture this deeply into your dreamscape until now. It differs greatly from a pony, or even a gryffon’s, dreams. I wished to enter properly, like this, without forcing and causing you distress.”
“Well, Princess, I really appreciate that you knocked on the door and didn’t just barge in. So, I guess I’d better make it quick. The cows will be coming home any second now.” I couldn’t help but grin as I said that.
She smiled kindly at me, “In the dream world, we can take however much time we need. However, if the cows do arrive, I’m sure they shall wait.”
The sun was bright and warm as we walked in silence through a beautiful cherry orchard. A light breeze kept the temperature just perfect. It was Yoshino, Japan, where Ann and I had visited before the kids. The flowers were in bloom and very fragrant. The Princess seemed to be enjoying it, even giving a ride to a dream child that had wandered by. I didn’t know what cherry trees were like here, but I suspected they were basically the same.
I addressed the little girl, happily enjoying her pony ride, “Alright, sweetie. Me and the Princess need to talk. Go back to your folks.” The child obediently hopped off, bowed deeply to both of us and ran off, giggling. I watched her disappear among the cherry trees. I chuckled.
Luna spoke lightly, “She reminds you of your daughter?”
I gave her a warning look.
She returned my warning glance, “I did not read your mind if that is what you fear.”
I cocked my eyebrow, “Then how-”
She smiled a little sadly, “Alexander, I have lived for many millennia. I know how to read ponies.” She chuckled warmly, “And humans, it would seem.”
I looked away, embarrassed. “Some Paladin I am. Here I am accusing my boss of breaking her word a minute after she gave it.”
She spoke softly, “I do not blame you.” She continued in a friendly tone, “Many times, the eyes, the face, and the body speak more loudly than the heart. But,” she indicated our surroundings, “it was your mind that conjured this dreamscape, so everything here is important to you.” She chuckled, “And even if your expression can be somewhat difficult to read, I could see that you watched that child wistfully. That was the look a father reserves for his children.”
I smiled sheepishly at her and walked on with her by my side. She was giving me time to sort my thoughts, and I appreciated this. I hope, one day, I can give her the same gift.
We walked through the main gate of Osaka Castle. A table laid out in a traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony was waiting for us in the courtyard. I half smiled, knowing this was all based on old half-remembered details, all likely wrong, but I thought it fit the mood. The Princess seemed to be enjoying it, as she was now wearing a silk kimono. I poured her a cup of tea in a delicate English tea cup and filled my own old faded Spiderman mug. I enjoyed a sip of the rich Irish Breakfast tea.
I sat back on the comfy couch that just appeared under me. Luna reclined regally on the other half of the couch that had expanded to become a huge pillow. “You’re right. This is much better. And thanks for the time to think. That Ann-thing hurt. No, I need to speak to the real deal. She thinks I’m dead or worse, that I ditched her.” I took another sip. This time it was Earl Gray. “Anyway, she needs to know about me and Dash from me.” I leaned forward, letting the cup warm my hands. I spoke softly, sadly, “This isn’t easy for me. Hell, I imagine this wouldn’t be easy for anyone.”
“Thy words are true. I have seen such things only a few times in my life, and it was always most difficult.” She took a sip from her cup, then sat quietly in thought for a long moment. “Would you like me to communicate with Ann? Perhaps together we can resolve this situation?”
I quickly spat out, “No.” Then continued in a calmer tone, “I mean, no thank you. This is something private between a man and his wife. I appreciate your offer, but this is… private.”
She bowed her head, “Of course.” We sat, enjoying the beautiful scenery around us.
I sat enjoying my tea and absentmindedly humming a tune, something I usually don’t do unless I’m alone or I’m very comfortable with whoever I’m with. In this case, it was someone who I knew cared. After a few bars, I stopped, “You know, in my earlier days, when I was still very frightened, I turned to God. I prayed, and I pleaded. Asked for help, for deliverance, for mercy.”
Luna turned to me in interest, “God? As in a deity? Which one? Did they give you the guidance or protection you sought?”
I chuckled mirthlessly, “Honestly? I don’t know. Oh, I knew there were plenty of lowercase ‘g’, gods, beings of great power. Heck, I even met a few. As a matter of fact, there’s one beside me keeping me company.”
Luna gave a small, kind laugh, and I think she held back an eye roll.
“But was there an upper case ‘G’, God? A God that knows all and sees all and has a plan for us all, even the lowercase ‘g’ gods? If there is, what does he do? A creator, a guide, or maybe something to fear? Does it even matter out here, in a world without religion? Then again, I haven’t been here long enough to actually confirm that.”
Luna tilted her head, “Allow me to confirm that for you. I have spoken to Rainbow Dash, and she repeated your description of religion to me. I do not know of any religions as you described, though some have sought to codify what we princesses wish from our little ponies.”
“That answers that question. Where I came from and a lot of the worlds I passed through, there is an innumerable number who claim they are the one true way. It was hard to keep track of them all, honestly. But a lot did have something in common. Many shared the most common tenet of, ‘God is Love’, or some variation.”
Luna’s tilted head showed me she was very interested in our topic of conversation. “‘God is Love’? A noble sentiment, though Discord is in the details. Do they define it the same way?”
“Maybe. Where I come from, we can’t send Him a letter and get a concrete answer. Mind you, the same God in the same book is also a spiteful, jealous God, wiping out the entire population of the world for some perceived slight. I like the loving one better, but it’s complicated. At least here, the theology is simple.”
She nodded, and we both sat contemplating the universe around us. I put the empty cup down and started walking the parapets of the castle. After what seemed like days of slowly strolling, I broke the silence by taking a deep breath, “Princess, I have a question.”
She bowed her head slightly, “Of course.”
I gestured toward her, “Why me? Why didn’t you pick a pony as your champion?”
She tilted her head, analyzing my words, “I do not understand. Are you not pleased to be my Paladin? Should I have chosen one of my loyal Night Guards? Sir Noctus, perhaps?”
I dismissed her question jovially, “Oh, no, don’t get me wrong. I love the job. It’s decent pay, and the hours are good.”
Luna chuckled at my joke. “You do use thy humour to smooth social situations, do you not.”
I gave her a gallic shrug, “It’s that or run away screaming.”
Luna chuckled again. “Still, you have posed a good question, and we believe we owe you an explanation.” She paused, seeming to collect her thoughts. “You came to my attention when you first arrived. To be precise, approximately thirty-seven minutes before you arrived, there was a burst of 1.27 megachaons from the outskirts of Ponyville.” I must have looked confused because she seemed to catch herself. “Forgive me, the technical details are interesting only to natural philosophers.”
I chuckled, “No worries, Princess. I've always been a science buff. Let’s pretend I completely understood that.”
She smiled kindly, “To answer the question, I, myself, do not precisely know why I chose you. Looking back upon my first personal contact with you, I was struck by how you looked outside yourself from the very beginning.” She playfully kicked a small stone on the path. “When you offered your letter from your heart to me, you did not demand as would a lord in assistance in adjusting to a strange new world. You did not stomp your hoof like a courtier for material goods or even beg like a simpering plebeian for simple information. Rather, you gave me simple, heartfelt thanks.”
She stopped, as did I a step or two later. “Is it so very surprising that I would take someone who demonstrated such honest humility despite their dire circumstances?”
I nodded quietly and continued walking.
I was surprised by the sudden chuckle and friendly shoulder check. “I know it is obvious to any but the dimmest of fools, but you know compassion. The truth is, few ponies would have offered an armistice with the diamond dogs. An act even my beloved sister, in all her glory, might have missed. I am pleased to say you have proven yourself. You see that not only do all deserve mercy, but they also deserve a chance at redemption.”
I woke quietly, feeling very rested. ‘Should have asked her why everyone can speak English. Maybe next time.’
Dash was sprawled beside me on her stomach. Her wing was stretched over my belly. The feathers tickled me with their light touch.
I looked over at the clock. It read 5:37. Dash was still snoring softly, and I didn’t want to wake her. I carefully lifted her wing and slipped out from under it. Creeping to the dresser, I pulled out fresh clothes: a grey tee shirt and matching sweat pants, underwear, and socks.
I slipped on the undergarment, pants and shirt without incident. I was determined to get myself dressed without any help. Applejack did not have the market cornered on stupid pride.
I fumbled at my socks, the green goo making it impossible to move my fingers in the way they needed to or my arm to bend as I needed it. Finally, I gave up and slipped my feet into my house slippers.
I started trying to strap my knife on with difficulty. It slipped from my grasp and made a loud crash as it landed handle first onto the wood floor. I froze and held my breath, listening for Dash’s snoring. After what seemed like hours, she finally started again. I let out my breath in relief. I picked up the knife and managed to strap it on.
Satisfied that I was ready to go, I headed out of the bedroom. As my foot crossed the threshold, a certain rainbow maned pegasus spoke in a groggy but rapidly waking voice. “Where the buck do you think you’re going?”
I replied sheepishly, “Out?”
Her reply was flat, “Out where?”
I answered without much bravado, “Ponyville?”
“Really? It’s,” her head turned away momentarily, “5:49.” She yawned. “Explain.”
Why do I feel like a kid getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar? “I… I…” ‘Suddenly, I could really go for a chocolate chip cookie.’
I could hear her grin, “Go on.”
I give a resigned sigh. This is one fight I would never win. “I’m following a lead.”
She sat straighter in bed, her unevenly sagging wings fluffing and tightening to her sides. “A lead? This isn’t a who-dun-it, Alex. We know who dun it.”
I tried rubbing my face but stopped as soon as the green rubber-like material touched my skin. “I know, but I think why-they-dun-it is much more important in this case.”
Dash gave me a tired smile, “Why not leave it to the guard? They’re trained professionals.”
I nodded in agreement, “Maybe so, but an extra set of eyes that thinks laterally can’t hurt.”
“Is it that idea you had last night? Where they attacked for food? I went along with it, you know, to support you, but I think it’s just the DD being scumbags.”
She was just humoring me? I involuntarily scowled, “Huh. Well, in the future, if you think I’m wrong, say so. I don’t care who we’re in front of. I respect you, and I want to know your opinion. I may not always like it, but I always want to hear it.”
She seemed taken aback for a moment, then flashed me a loving smile. “Heh. Got it. Still not used to it, that’s all.”
I smiled sheepishly at her, “I hope I didn’t make you feel bad. I just don’t want you making yourself… I don’t know, subservient to me or something.”
She threw her head back with a laugh. “No chance of that, fat head. I’m a mare of the first millennium.” She came closer with a cocky grin. “I may not be your little homemaker. But I can do it if there’s a need.”
I looked down at my feet. "Hey, Dash?"
Still smiling, she looked at me with half-lidded eyes. "Yeah?"
I pick up the discarded socks, "Could you help me with these?"
Her eyes went wide, and her cheeks became amaranth. "T-Those? I thought you said you wanted to go out... also, I thought the doctor said to avoid strenuous activity."
I was confused, “What do socks have to do with anything?” For the life of me, I didn’t know what she was getting at.
She raised an eyebrow with a frown, “Just forget it.” She quickly grabbed the socks in her teeth and slipped them on before helping me into my regular shoes. I noticed her wings start to extend a few times before finally being clenched firmly to her sides.
She followed me down the stairs to the front door. There, she hovered up, gave me a kiss, and warned me, “You watch your flank out there, okay?”
I smiled confidently, “Yes, dear. I’ll be back by eleven. Noon at the latest.”
“I should be back by then, too. I’ll be checking on Scoots and the girls. I’m not worried about them, but, you know, just to be sure.” She flashed me her confident grin.
I touched her nose with my right index finger, “Wouldn’t expect anything less from my beautiful wife.” As I walked off, I waved goodbye and headed to that big gryffon’s place. If my hypothesis held up, it would be picked clean.
The town was busy with everyone cleaning up. Most ponies waved or gave me a simple greeting, too busy for anything more. I also passed a few Royal Guard patrols; the Day Guard barely acknowledged me, whereas the Night Guard would salute respectfully or give me a friendly slap on the back.
I happened to pass Derpy’s house on the way. What a mess. Her front door was off its hinges, and Derpy was sweeping up broken glass. Caramel was boarding up a window while Dinky was picking up the remains of some dried vegetables.
Derpy looked up and grew concerned, “Oh, Alex! What happened? You look hurt.” She dropped her broom, dashed over, and started inspecting me with a mother’s eye. She was soon satisfied, “It looks like someone took good care of you.” Her expression became hopeful, “The rumours are that you captured the Alpha. Is that true, Alex? Oh, please say it’s so. I can’t imagine that… that beast running around and threatening my little muffin.”
I smiled kindly, “I can assure you, she’s in custody as we speak. Dinky is safe and sound. I promise.”
She breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank you.”
I made as if to turn, then tapped my temple, “I do have one question. Did the diamond dogs steal anything?”
“Now that you mention it, yes. It was mostly food, like the milk, cream, cheese, and a lot of the fresh and dried vegetables.” Her voice went from mild irritation to a tone that spoke of cold vengeance. “They also stole a big batch of muffins I had made, took the muffin tin and everything. They didn’t touch the hay pucks.” Her head popped up as she recalled a detail. “Oh yes, and the fish was gone, too.”
I was a little surprised, “Fish?”
She nodded, “Traditional pegasus feast food. Carmel and Dinkey love my fish, and I’m sure they’re really upset.”
Behind Derpy, Caramel shook his head and mouthed, ‘Don’t bring it back.’ Dinkey made a ‘yuck’ face.
I caught myself. This was calling for blood by pony standards. Keeping a friendly expression, “Well, we’ll see where the evidence takes us. Thanks again.”
As I walked through town, the same pattern was repeated over and over. Houses were broken into, yet when I asked, only food had been stolen. There was the occasional report of valuables or cash stolen, but this was the exception and not the rule.
I passed by Bea’s house. It was dark and seemed undamaged, except for a few scorch marks on the northern wall. I suspected she was asleep but was soon proved wrong.
Beatrix ‘The Great And Powerful Trixie’ Lulamoon’s slightly nasal and breathless voice made me smirk, “Gotta say, boss. Ponyville sure knows how to welcome a girl.” I turned as she trotted towards me, a confident grin. “Captain Nightshade said you had some fun too. Glad you’re alright, Alex.”
“Good to see you in one piece, Beatrix.” I had a sudden thought, “Any word from Sweet Apple Acres?”
Bea smirked, “Big Mac and Applejack took care of things. No one other than Diamond Dogs hurt. Luckily, there were only a few scouts. I almost feel sorry for them.” She gave me a quick hug. “Alex, I would love to hang out and chat, but this show mare’s been on the stage for the last twenty-four hours. The Tired and Grumpy Trixie needs her beauty sleep.”
She spotlighted this statement with a huge yawn.
I nodded, “I totally understand. We’ll get together once things calm down, say, in two or three days?” Bea nodded, looking totally beat. “Now go on, get out of here. Get some sleep.”
“Thanks, boss.” She smiled weakly and trotted back to her house.
I finally made it to my destination. The building was freshly painted, and the sign said Garbo’s, written in a Germanic script. Like so many people in town, the people who lived and worked there were busy cleaning up the mess. This place looked like it had been particularly hard hit, with the front and side doors torn off their hinges and the front dining room windows smashed. I saw the large gryphon I had seen last night carrying out a damaged table. Beside the building, a smaller, greyer gryphon with some woodworking tools was waiting. He, I presumed it was a he, was repairing a damaged table with two more damaged tables beside him. There were two other gryffon. I guessed they were female, sweeping up the broken glass and organizing unbroken dishware.
The smaller of the two females spotted me. “Hey, Gary. I think that weird-looking guy you talked about last night is here.” Her voice made me pause. She sounded like a teenager from 1950s New York. At least, the stereotype of one. With a hint of Eastern European. I suspected it was an affected accent, like Rarity. I was also fairly sure she was chewing gum.
The large gryffon, who I assumed was Gary, put the table down gently. “Hey, Dad, there’s the tough guy I was telling you about. Took down the alpha.” He added significantly, “Alone.”
The old gryffon’s eyes narrowed, “Is that so?” The corner of my mouth lifted for a moment. He sounded like a stereotypical Russian? No, Romanian. “Well, boy?” He lightly cuffed his son, “Hospitality. He must be a constable and must be paid.”
Gary looked at me, embarrassed, “Sorry about that. He’s still used to how it’s done in the old country. He doesn’t mean any disrespect.”
I was not quite sure how to react. “None taken. I’m not exactly a cop, more of a Champion of Luna. And I don’t take bribes. Unless it’s a cultural misunderstanding of some kind and not taking the bribe is an insult of some kind.”
Gary paused and sized me up. “No feathers off my neck if you’re honest.” He grinned and put out a big taloned claw. “Gary the Roc, son of Garbo.”
I matched his smile and put out my right green rubber encrusted hand. “Alexander Roberts, Paladin of Luna.”
His huge clawed hand gently wrapped around mine, and he gave a single light shake. “This is my dad, Garbo the Sharp, son of Greg; my mom, Georgeena the Huntress, daughter of Frenn, and that’s my little sister, Georgette, daughter of Georgeena.”
I gave them as charming a smile as possible under the circumstances. “Pleasure to meet you all. I’m sorry it was under these circumstances.”
After eyeing me for a few seconds, Garbo spoke up. “Don’t be. You fixed head of that bunch of thieves.” He spat, then added darkly, “Now, I hope justice will be done.” With that, he stabbed a knife into the small stump he was using.
I replied softly, “I hope so, too.” Continuing strongly, I added, “Now, Mr Garbo the Sharp, maybe you can help me in my investigation by answering a few questions.”
The old gryffon waved me away, “Feh, I do not have time. I am to be fixing tables. Gary. You will be the flock speaker for this.”
The big griffyn smirked, “Sure thing, Dad. Alright, Alex, ask away.”
I cleared my throat and continued. “Mr Gary the Roc-”
He gave me a friendly smile, “Just Gary’s fine. I’m not much for formality.”
I matched his grin, “Neither am I.” I looked around, “I see your home and business got attacked. Was anything stolen?”
He fumed, “Most of our food. Those beakless dirty dogs took all the meat, all the vegetables, and most of the cheese. I guess I could say there was a bright side where the guard ponies brought a lot of it back. They shouldn’t have bothered. None of it was salable or anything I would want to eat. May as well give it back to the dogs.” He sighs, “All that pork liver paste gone to waste.”
For a moment I was lost in thought, wondering if he could make me some crotons. I gave my head a shake, “Yes, that’s what I expected. Did they steal anything else?”
“Not a floating feather. They even left a cash register full of bits. I tell ya. If I hadn’t been coming back from Manehatten on business, I would have pulped them mutts,” he smashed one clawed hand into the other with a solid smack.
I nodded in understanding, “Alright. This certainly helps my investigation. I won’t take any more of your time.”
Gary held up a claw, “Hold up there, skippy. You’re not just assuming the dogs are to blame, are you.”
I shrugged, “Not exactly. They are to blame, but why they did what they did isn’t clear.”
He slowly scratched his cheek, “Dogs are thieves, sure, but I guess they would have to be desperate to attack this town. It’s not some undefended backwater. Everyone knows the Elements of Harmony live here.” He paused for a moment, and then he seemed to reach a decision, “I think,” he paused again, “you need an escort,” he concluded. He then added, “Just in case.”
I took a bit of a step back, “No, that’s all right. I can take care of myself.”
He grunted in irritation. “You don’t understand. You’ve got their respect, and you’re not a pony. That ain’t easy.” He continued, a little embarrassed, “Last night, I spotted you in the alley. I saw you grab your weapon, but you didn’t charge in. You just wanted to make sure I wasn’t trouble, and as soon as you knew I wasn’t, you put it away.” He smiled again, “I know how hard it is to get trusted by ponies, especially when you’re a predator. I just want to help you do your job. So, like it or not, I’m tagging along and helping.”
I hesitated.
Why did I hesitate?
He seemed like a decent guy. He lived in this town, so he had a horse in the race, so to speak. If he was a pony, would I have had any second thoughts? I liked to think I would, but if I was honest with myself, I likely wouldn’t.
I put on my winning charm, “Alright. Get to know your neighbours, help the community, and make sure I don’t fall over. I can get behind that. Shall we, sir?”
His eyes narrowed just a touch, “Sure.”
We walked towards the centre of town, chatting with anyone we passed. Again and again, the same stories of stolen food. Even ponies who lived in apartments, like Nurse Redheart, had reported the same. Gary had generously stayed behind a few minutes to help her with some heavy lifting while I carried on.
I turned a corner and almost stumbled into Lyra and Bonbon. I smiled, “Lyra, we have to stop bumping into each other like this.”
Lyra brightened, but they both became worried as they saw my green goo bandages. Lyra carefully touched my enveloped hand. “Oh, my goodness. You’re paw- I mean hand-”
Suddenly, they both shied away, looking behind me with slightly worried expressions.
I turned to see Gary grinning, "I believe I’ve met at least one of these ladies before she scampered away." Bonbon blushed a little and smiled at him sheepishly.
“Lyra, Bonbon, this is my new friend, Gary the Roc. He’s helping me out. Gary, this is Bonbon, top-notch candy maker, and Lyra Heartstrings, uh...”
Lyra came to my aid, smiling brightly and extending a hoof, “Interspecies researcher and musician.”
Bonbon followed suit, “Nice to see you again, Gary. A little startling, but nice.”
I overheard a slight mumble under Gary’s breath, “A pleasant greeting, for a change.”
I decided to gather a little data, “Now that we’re all reacquainted, did you guys get robbed in the attack?”
Bonbon nodded, “Our house was spared, we made sure of that, but my candy shop was wrecked. They left the candy and sugar but cleaned me out of cream, butter, and all my nuts.”
I rubbed the stubble on my chin with my right thumb and muttered out loud, “Now, why did they leave the sweet stuff? It's a good, dense source of calories that's easy to carry. Doesn’t make any sense.”
Lyra started rubbing her own chin, “Diamond dogs are on the carnivorous side of omnivore, just like we’re on the herbivore side of omnivore. I wonder if that has something to do with it.”
Bonbon deadpanned, “Could be they just don’t like the taste?”
I smiled, “Makes sense. Thanks, guys. Now I’m really glad I bumped into you two.”
Lyra looked crestfallen, “You mean, you weren't happy before?”
I chuckled, “No, I was just happy before. Now I’m happy and grateful. This information may be the key to their defence.”
Bonbon’s muzzle scrunched up in confusion, “Who? The Diamond Dogs?”
I was a little hesitant to answer, “Y-yes. I’ve got a hypothesis-”
Lyra threw her hooves in the air, interrupting me, “Finally! Someone who uses the right word. Do you have any idea how many ponies use ‘theory’ when they mean ‘hypotheses’?” Before I could answer, she blurted out in frustration, “Too many!”
I chuckled, “I know, right? Even Twilight does it.”
Bonbon deadpanned, “Cool it, egg-heads. Alex, you were about to tell us your theory-”
Lyra blurted out, “Hypothesis!”
Bonbon continued without missing a beat, “Hypothesis before you two nerdgasmed.”
I think I can appreciate Bonbon’s sense of humour. “Oh, right.” I cleared my throat. “The Diamond Dogs are hungry. Actually, starving would be a better word. Why else would they attack? No one mounts a raid on a whim, not without some big reward. Too much chance of losing tribe members.”
Lyra spoke softly and sadly, “Those poor things. Were they just hungry? Why didn’t-”
Bonbon snarled out, “Poor things!? They wrecked my shop, Lyra. It will take weeks and bits I’m not sure I have to get everything back in order. I’m not even sure my insurance covers this. If this is considered an act of war… my plot is in a sling.” Now, it was Bonbon’s turn to be teary-eyed. “All those years of hard work, gone. All because some Diamond Dog tribe was too lazy to get food.”
I stood silent for a moment, not sure what to say.
Gary, who had been quietly taking it all in, spoke up. “I know how you feel, Bonbon. We moved here about three weeks ago, and we lost all our inventory. The Night Guard tried to save it, but… anyway, I just want to say I’ll come over this afternoon to help you guys out. Your flock is my flock. The magic of friendship is all about neighbours helping neighbours, right? That’s why my family came here, to get away from the old ways, all those politics in the old country. If I want to live here, it would be hypocritical not to offer.”
Bonbon and Lyra looked up at him in slack-jawed surprise. It was Bonbon who reacted first by launching herself at him and throwing her hooves around his neck, sobbing. “Thank you so much! You don’t know how much it means to me!”
Gary looked a little panicked at first, then accepted the hug graciously. He patted her back, “There, there. All for one and one for all and all that.”
Lyra grinned at him, “I knew gryffon gallantry was biological and not just socially based. I wish I had my gryffon notebook here.”
Gary looked at me questioningly. I responded with a shrug.
As we left, Gary muttered, “Well, that was emotional. Are ponies always like that?”
I sighed. “Yeah, more or less. Ponies change their emotions so fast you’ll get whiplash some days. Still, they also have good hearts, even if you have to point them in the right direction sometimes.”
We were on the edge of town near my house. I saw a streak of colour headed in the general direction of the house, and I knew it was Dash. I smiled, knowing she would be waiting for me.
Okay. I’ve had enough of saving the world for today. I addressed my new gryffon friend, “Well, Gary, it’s almost noon, and I need to take care of some very important personal business.” My voice dropped to a defeated mutter. "I need to fix my family. Both my families." A deep, painful sigh forced its way out of me. "Maybe Ann can wait till tomorrow."
He was surprised but seemed to understand. “I can respect that. Family is important. If you need any help, you let me know, understand?”
I idly considered, only for a moment, letting Gary talk to Ann in my place. I decided that would be a bad thing to do, “Thanks, I appreciate that.” With that, I returned home. The willow tablets of the morning were wearing off. The walk home was slower than I would have liked, but all things considered, it could have been worse.
Dash was waiting for me in the backyard, reading the latest Daring Do in one hoof and munching on a beet and tomato sandwich in the other. Both were carefully placed on the table before she leapt in the air to give me one of her fierce hugs.
With a quick nuzzle, she asked me with a smirk. “So, hero, how did your sleuthing go? Did you find out what you needed?”
“As a matter of fact, I did. They were stealing food, Dash. Everything else was pretty much ignored. Now I know for sure the poor buggers must have been desperate. It all adds up. Now, I need to figure out how they got to that point. If they live in Equestria, aren't they Equestrian citizens? Why did the government let them starve? If they’re not citizens, what is their status? Ugh. This is going to get complicated.”
She nodded, “Yikes. Sounds like it.”
I smiled at my soon-to-be wife, “But that’s for tomorrow. Today, I need to fulfil a promise I made to a little girl. What do you think?”
She brightened, “That’s a great idea. Let me get the scrolls and a saddlebag, then we can go.”
I gave her one of my best smirks, “Don’t forget your lunch. Don’t want to pass out mid-interview from starvation.”
She looked up at me a little sadly, “That’s… not as funny as you would think. But, yeah, I am kind of hungry. Anyway, the kids are probably having lunch. No point in messing with their meal.”
“Very true. On that subject, I think I’ll grab myself some lunch. I’m starving.”
Dash hovered up in a snap, “Hold up, mister.” She examined my hand and arm. “You’re all messed up. One arm doesn’t bend, and the other doesn’t grab. I can’t see how you’ll feed yourself.” She pointed to one of the Adirondack chairs under the tree. “Sit. I’ll make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” I started wondering how I would feed myself. She must have seen my expression because she shook her head and smirked, “And I’ll feed it to you.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “You sure?”
She waved a hoof dismissively, “Yeah, yeah.” Flashing her most confident grin, she continued, “But don’t get used to it.”
She soon returned with a sandwich cut up into small bite-sized pieces. With a smirk, she offered me a small bit of food balanced on the front edge of her hoof. Despite feeling a little silly, I was really hungry. Besides, I appreciated her thoughtfulness. The process of being fed by someone you love was quite intimate, especially since she insisted on feeding me one small piece at a time.
When there were only a few pieces left, she gave me a big grin and rested her forehead against mine. “You knuckle head. I really hope this won’t be a regular thing.”
I nuzzled my nose against hers, “I hope not either. I hate not being able to take care of myself. Not fair to you.”
She laughed, “Fair, shmair. You would do the same for me without a second thought. Why should I do anything less?”
“I guess not. I still reserve the right to feel guilty.”
She put another piece of sandwich in my mouth, “You’re allowed to redeem yourself too, ya know.”
I swallowed. “I’ll think about it. Well, enough sexy banter from you, missy. Let’s get our little girl.”
Dash looked at me lovingly, “That sounds like a sweet plan.”
Dash and I sat in the waiting room at Sweetheart’s office. I held those three scrolls in my left hand. Examining them, I noticed one scroll had something splattered on it. I think it was blood, and I wasn’t sure whose it was. Dash was looking away, lost in thought. I don’t think she noticed it, so I rubbed at it with my thumbnail, trying to remove the stain.
A flustered-looking Sweetheart opened her office door. “I’m so sorry for the wait. My little ponies are all still quite excited. Now, I assume you have the reports?”
I dropped the scrolls on her desk.
“Ah, yes, thank you. Let me see…” She first picked up the scroll from Lyra.
Dash became worried, and she started chewing her hoof. I kissed the top of her head. She stopped hoof chewing and leaned into me.
Miss Sweetheart snapped the seal on Lyra’s thick, multi-page scroll. It opened up and landed in a pile on her desk. Sweetheart read the cover letter and then skimmed the supporting evidence. She gave us a smile, “I must say, Mr Alex Roberts, Miss Heartstrings has certainly given you a glowing recommendation. Let’s see how you did with the others.”
Dash relaxed a little and snuggled closer.
The social worker picked up Mr Cake’s scroll with a smile, “Mr Cake should be another glowing recommendation.” As she read, her expression became neutral, and her tone nervous. “Ah. Well, that was a… response.” She gulped, and her eyes shifted from side to side as she muttered, “I am well within my rights to interpret this in any way I choose.” She quickly sealed it in a scroll case and dropped it in her desk drawer. She looked up and smiled broadly. A little too broadly, perhaps.
It was my turn to become worried. What had Mr Cake said?
“Now, on to the last scroll.” She picked up the ornate scroll with Golden Coins’ seal and quickly opened it. She snickered. “Mr Coins is always direct and to the point. A very adequate response.”
Dash stood, leaning over the desk, “And? And! Can I see Scootaloo? Can I see my little filly now?”
Miss Sweetheart beamed, “Congratulations. You’re parents.”
The door slammed open, and Scootaloo burst in. I noticed there were a bunch of other kids cheering her on, including that grey-coated kid, Steelskin, I think was his name. I didn’t have time to dwell on it.
“Mom! Dad!” Scoots crashed into us, knocking the wind out of me. I didn’t mind one bit.
Dash chuckled, “Careful with your new dad, squirt. He’s a little beat up.”
She giggled while hugging us, “Sorry, Dad!”
I hugged them both as best I could. “I can’t think of anything better.”