Apple Bloom looked at her two closest friends, whose heads were nodding very nearly in unison. “Ah dunno,” she said at last, “ah’ve never heard of a ball-bouncin’ cutie mark before.”
“It’s not for cutie marks!” said Scootaloo. She waved excitedly at the balls bouncing on their heads. “We’re doing this to help out Rarity and Rainbow Dash, because they trust us with important stuff!”
Sweetie Belle gasped. “Hold on… Scootaloo, what if we helped them with important stuff and got ball-bouncing cutie marks? That would be even better!”
“Now, wait just a second!” Apple Bloom drew herself up as far as she could go in indignation. “That ain’t fair! What if you two got ball-bouncin’ cutie marks and ah didn’t just because nopony gave me a ball?”
“Well,” said Sweetie Belle, looking thoughtful, “I guess we could keep switching off. Like every five minutes, everypony passes their ball to the left. Sound good?”
“Sounds awesome!” said Scootaloo.
However, in practice it was a little less awesome and a little more boring. There really wasn’t anything especially exciting about bouncing a ball up and down, and when a couple of rabbits ran in front of them and Scootaloo thought maybe they should become Cutie Mark Crusader Rabbit Hutch Builders, that seemed a much better idea. Applejack was easy enough to convince to help out either Rarity or Rainbow Dash – they had forgotten by then which ball was which – and Big Macintosh tended to agree to things…
Carrot Top looked out across her carrot fields to check up on the barn of her marketplace rivals. The Apples were definitely up to something, and with the success they’d had with the weird rituals involved in Zap Apple production, she didn’t put it past them to have some financial motive in mind. She would have to check this out in person.
“Applejack,” she said, leaning lazily against a fence post, “what in Equestria are you two doing?”
The lighter-colored farmer pony looked glumly up at her head, where a starry pink ball was bouncing in place of her usual hat. “Carrot Top, ah only wish ah knew,” she said. “Best ah could figure from those crusader fillies is that this is maybe for some kind of contest. One way or another, these balls are supposed to keep on bouncin’, but ah gotta say it’s awful boring.”
Carrot Top frowned. A contest? Perhaps… an agricultural contest? She really couldn’t afford to let any opportunity to get one over the Apples pass her by. “Well, Applejack,” she said, “I’d be glad to take that ball off your head for a while. What else are neighbors for?”
Applejack gave her a wide smile. “Why, thank you kindly, CT.” Her head bobbed, and the ball was bouncing on top of Carrot Top instead. “Don’t suppose y’all have got anypony in there who might want to take Big Mac’s, too?”
Carrot Top froze for a moment at the idea of a certain clumsy pegasus giving it a try. If these balls were supposed to keep on bouncing – for some reason – she’d need somepony with a little more coordination. “Dinky!” she called to her house behind her. “Come outside for a second!”
“Lyra?”
“Yeah?”
“There’s a ball bouncing on top of your head.”
Lyra grinned cheekily. “Yeah! And check it out… no hands!”
Bon-Bon gave a weighty sigh. “Why is a ball bouncing on top of your head?”
Lyra thought about it. “I dunno. Linky gave it to me while we were out sitting on a bench. She said it was supposed to be important that it keep bouncing.” She looked at Bon-Bon. “Hey, you’ve got one too!”
Bon-Bon nodded, turning over to inspect her tray of candy while a pink ball bounced up and down on her. “It was Twinkleshine’s or something. She said it was important and didn’t really know why. The things I do for a customer!”
“The pink’s kinda clashing with the pink in your mane,” said Lyra. “Want my white one instead? I could use a nice contrast from all my green.”
“That sounds nice,” said Bon-Bon. They tilted their heads in perfect synchrony, and the two balls flew across the room, the pink landing on Lyra’s head and the white landing on Bon-Bon’s. “So what have you been up to today, Lyra? Just sitting on that bench?”
“Yeah, pretty much…”
Candy Mane watched sadly as two pegasus mares, both purple with ice blue manes, floated by above her. Each was bouncing a ball on top of her head while they talked animatedly about something or other. She sighed. Was it really worth trying out ball-bouncing too? Maybe she was just never going to get a cutie mark, full-grown adult though she was.
“Don’t bother. Some marks just aren’t worth it.”
Candy Mane turned to look at her friend Junebug, who tended to carry baskets around to conceal her own blank sides, standing beside her. “Sorry, I didn’t know I said any of that out loud.”
“You didn’t. Trust me, I know how you react to these things by now.”
“Lily, there’s a ball bouncing on your head!”
“AAAAAH! Oh no, Daisy! There’s a ball bouncing on your head too!”
“Get it off! Get it off!”
“Rose! Now it’s on you!”
“AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!”
Silver Spoon looked worriedly at her closest friend. “Um, why are we doing this again?”
Diamond Tiara rolled her perfect eyes perfectly. “Guh! I told you, Silver Spoon, we’re bouncing these balls so that ponies will take photographs of us! After all,” and she lowered her wonderful eyebrows for the most exquisite possible smirk, “if I can’t make the news… I might as well be the news!”
“Oh, all right,” said Silver Spoon. She looked at the white ball bouncing on top of Diamond Tiara, narrowly missing getting punctured on her friend’s immaculate headpiece. “I guess it is kind of fun.”
“Fun?” Diamond Tiara’s scowl was transfixing. “We’re not doing this to have fun, Silver Spoon! You’re not having any fun, are you?”
“No, no, no!” Silver Spoon backed away quickly. “I didn’t mean it! Like, this is, um, totally boring and stuff! Who could possibly be so lame that they’d enjoy bouncing a ball on their head?”
“Sister,” spake Her Royal Highness Princess Luna, “we… that is, I do not understand why you art bouncing that ball.”
Celestia’s royal head dipped and wove in time with the gem-bearing spheroid bouncing thereupon. “It’s fun, sister!” she said in answer. “After all those meetings I had today, I could use a bit of simple relaxation like this!”
“If so you sayst,” said Luna. Such senseless frivolity still struck her most dubious. Then another burst of emerald flame embrightened the room about them, and a second ball, this one picturing the starry sky that was her home, appeared to them. Luna thrust her head underneath of it before it could fall to the floor.
“Huzzah!” said she. “The fun hath been doubled!”
“And so, lowly denizens of Trotsdale, the Great and Powerful Trixie stands victorious once more! Is there no pony she cannot beat? No skill she cannot best? Is there anypony but Trixie who so delights in these rhetorical questions?”
“Now hold on just a second!” said a voice from the audience. The crowd before her parted to reveal two tall yellow unicorns with shining red manes. “Now hold on just a second,” repeated the one with a mustache, “because our skills are insurmountable!”
“We’ve talents, acts, and daring-do,” said the other, “that you’ll have to call uncountable!”
The mustached one spoke again. “So, brother mine, tell her she’ll find we’ll soon beat her agility!”
Two illusion spells dissipated at once, revealing two balls, jumping up and down on the two yellow unicorns’ heads…
“In all your act, this thing you’ve lacked: a ball-bouncing ability!”
Braeburn stood happily on the crest of the hill, staring down at the apple orchard below him. The upcoming harvest would be plentiful indeed. Appleloosa’s peace with the buffalo tribe was stronger than ever, and he and Little Strongheart had been spending a lot of time together in recent times to celebrate this fact. She was, in fact, supposed to meet him there any minute.
“Braeburn!” came the strong, confident voice of his buffalo friend from behind him. “We’ve often smoked my family’s peace pipe together. Tonight I thought we could try out one of your pony traditions.”
Braeburn turned to face her with an enormous grin. “Sounds great, Little Strongheart! What did you have in mind?”
Little Strongheart bowed to her side, where two buffalo from her tribe stood in solemn silence. Two balls, one pink and one white, bounced regularly up and down on their heads. “A pony gave these to us,” explained Little Strongheart. “She was passing in a traincar and told us she and her fellows were done with them. I think her name was Cherry Jubilee. Shall we bounce?”
“I don’t get it, Dash,” said Gilda the Griffon. “You show up in my life again after who knows how long… just so we can bounce balls on our heads together? You know this is totally lame and I wouldn’t do this for anypony else, right?”
Next to her on the cloud, Rainbow Dash fidgeted. “Um, I’m not actually Rainbow Dash.”
“What?”
A sheen of green magic passed over the form of her old friend, to reveal a large black thing that only resembled a pony at best. Her mane was long and blue, and there were holes in her body. “I am Chrysalis, Queen of the Changelings,” said the not-Dash. “However, my subjects are all brainless morons, and I really wanted someone to bounce with. I am sorry to have intruded on your privacy.”
Gilda sighed. “Nah, it’s fine. Really my life is normally kinda boring and lonely. We can keep bouncing these suckers.”
“Berry Bubble,” said Dusk Shine testily, “I don’t know where you got those balls, but put them back this instant.”
The jungle air was stifling, and the clinging vines brushed uncomfortably against her sweat-coated legs as she traipsed determinedly forward. Still, she would not let herself be dissuaded now. She had made it through the traps of the ancient temple, forded the wide river, and navigated the vast crystal maze, and the Scepter of Night was just a few feet away, in the clearing on top of this hill. She threw aside the last few enormous leaves to reveal…
“Ahuitzotl!”
“Hello, Daring Do!” said the evil creature standing before her. “As ever, you arrive at your treasure mere moments too late! But this time, I have a deal to propose.”
“What is it now, Ahuitzotl?” she asked. The knife in her hat was ready if she needed it.
“Two of my feline friends have brought me a couple of lovely children’s toys,” said Ahuitzotl. He gestured, and Daring Do watched while a jaguar and a panther entered the clearing, each bouncing a colorful ball on its head. “I challenge you,” he continued, “to a ball-bouncing contest for the ownership of the Scepter of Night.”
Derpy Hooves was a very happy pony. She was given a ball! A pink ball! Now the ball was bouncing on her head because she was a good bouncer. Oh no! Her head had moved stupidly! The ball was going to fall!
Wait, Rainbow Dash had caught it on her own head! Wow! Rainbow Dash was really amazing. “Thanks, Rainbow Dash!” said Derpy Hooves.
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” said Rainbow Dash. “Uh, thanks for the help, Derpy. I’ve gotta get this ball to somepony a little more reliable…”
Screwball not had Discord. Discord was in stone. Screwball not could still fly. Screwball not had job. Screwball not have reason in life. But Screwball had ball. Ball bounced in Screwball head! Now Screwball needed only screw. Also turnip. Also novelization in Titanic. Eleven? Tense mood. Camel!
Unicorn took ball. Unicorn Rarity. Screwball still needed screw.
Flemish? “Oh dear,” Rarity Unicorn said. “I must find somepony a trifle safer to bounce this ball for me, I think. Aha! I know of just the pony kind enough not to pass this on to anyone else…”
On the outskirts of Ponyville, a few feet away from the edge of the Everfree Forest, stood a little hut surrounded by animals and happiness. In the hut lived a gentle yellow pegasus who was very good at being quiet, very good at tending to her friends’ injuries, and very good at a few other things as well. Just then, she was being very good at sewing. Also her head was darting rapidly from side to side: as her head passed to the left, a pink ball would land there and bounce back up again, and when it passed to the right, a white ball would bounce off of it. In this way she managed to bounce both balls at once with little worry or imprecision.
Fluttershy supposed that counting on Pinkie Pie hadn’t been the best idea. Pinkie was good with promises, but she did have to remember the promise in order to keep it, and it had been a long time since Fluttershy had thought to remind her of this particular promise. Far from making sure that Rainbow Dash never got too close to breaking the ball-bouncing record, Pinkie had actually encouraged her to do so. Next Fluttershy had sought Rarity’s help, but Rarity had only sent things even farther out of control by introducing that awful contest into the mix.
Perhaps there were some tasks it simply wasn’t safe to trust one’s friends with? Somehow, though, fortune had brought both balls to Fluttershy, and now she was prepared to keep them both as long as necessary. And in the meantime, of course, to keep bouncing them. Shortly after Rainbow Dash and Rarity had left, she had annulled the contest and converted the bounces into a standard bid for the record. Or perhaps bid was the wrong word.
True, some might have seen it as a little unfair that Fluttershy was also a registered observer for the Equestrian Book of Records and as such qualified to judge her own ball bouncing. But by not getting other ponies involved, she kept things safe, and Fluttershy liked safe things. Right then she was engaged in a very safe attempt to boost the ball-bouncing record – as well as the related record for bouncing two at once – to such a high level that Rainbow Dash would never try to break it again.
She was the world champion, after all.
“Are you sure the contest is still going on?”
Colgate looked up from her newspaper and shrugged amiably at Twilight. The purple unicorn stood in the middle of the field, still a little wet from that morning’s rain, the enormous ball-bouncing guide lying discarded at her hooves. “Dunno! You should probably just go ask them.”
Twilight’s eyes rolled back into her head a little. “I can’t! The rules state very explicitly that as the referee, I am forbidden from leaving this spot until the contest is complete!” She whimpered. “If it were over, somepony would have thought to come and tell me… right? It's been days!”
“You would think,” said Colgate. “Hey, I’m going to go to your library and eat all your food. Is that cool with you?”
“What?! No!” Twilight stared beseechingly at her, hooves still rooted to the ground. “Colgate, I need food to live!”
“Don’t worry,” said Colgate, beginning to walk off. “It’s surprisingly easy to stop me from eating somepony’s food. They just need to be there in their house to tell me not to. Unless some ridiculous sense of order and propriety prevents them from following me there, of course.” Twilight growled. “You want me to bring you back a book to read?”
“Ooh, yes, please!”
“Which one?”
Twilight gazed into space for several seconds. “Can… can you bring me Beachberry’s Boundless Beginners’ Ball-Bouncing Bible, Volume 2 of 4? I wouldn’t like to leave the series unfinished, and I want to be sure there aren’t any rules for the referee in there that I’m missing…”
“Don’t worry, Twilight,” said Colgate. “I’m sure you’re the most dedicated referee Equestria has ever known.”