Cubic Zirconia

by arcum42


Space Oddity

Woosh!

A greenish blur whizzed by to Diamond's left, to the accompaniment of a few barks. Had that been a tree?

"Stop!" Another blur barely missed them to their right.

Oh no, there was a pothole just up ahead! No, now it was behind them, she guessed. Think, Diamond. You need to convince Apple Bloom that they need to stop. And it has to be in character, doesn't it?

"Captain! The wheel— chairship is experiencing heavy turbulence!" she ventured, hoping she was on the right track as she tightly gripped the handlebars. "We almost hit a wormhole and barely missed a, er, facial anomaly. The ship's dangerously overbalanced, and we need to jettison excess cargo immediately!"

"Belle, recommendations?" Apple Bloom asked, not seeming nearly as concerned as Diamond was. She almost had to wonder how Apple Bloom hadn't broken her legs before now, at this rate. Fortunately, the path was leveling out, and the wheelchair was slowing down enough to almost be back under her control.

"Captain, I estimate an 86.479 percent chance of ending up in a collision at our present speed and course," Sweetie Belle hurriedly said. "Suggest we drop to impulse, and send an away team to the anomaly?"

Diamond wasn't quite sure what an 'away team' was, finding herself woefully unprepared for a silly science fiction trek. Still, away was good, especially if it was away from the wheelchair.

"Make it so," Apple Bloom said as she pointed vaguely forward with one hoof.

Diamond was already digging her back hooves into the ground by now, not wanting to trust to a positive reply, and she winced as the wheelchair came to a halt. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle scrambled off the sides, and Apple Bloom nudged Winona until she stopped barking excitedly and jumped down, panting.

Diamond adjusted the padding on her injured hoof and breathed a sigh of relief. Now that they were off, she could probably steer it properly. Of course, there were other things she was unclear about.

"So, what is my position on the crew, anyways?" she asked, half to herself. If she did have to play along, she needed to know the rules. You couldn't take advantage of them and skirt around them if you didn't know what they were, after all.

"Welll…" Apple Bloom scratched at the base of her bow. "Belle is both my science officer and first officer, and Lieutenant Scoot is in charge of engineering. Maybe you could be security? I bet we could find a red shirt for you."

Somehow, that idea didn't sit well with Diamond Tiara.

"How 'bout the ship’s weapon's officer?" Scootaloo suggested. "Ready the futon torpedos! Fire at will!"

"Or maybe you could be the ship's counselor?" Sweetie Belle asked.

Diamond shook her head. They were supposed to be on the bridge of a spaceship, right? Why would a ship's counselor be there? And as tempting as being the weapons officer was…

"Maybe I'm your navigation officer? I am steering, after all," she said, and smiled weakly.

Apple Bloom frowned. "I suppose that does sort of make some sense, though I think that's the helmsmare, and it involves talking in a real funny accent."

"And you have to take a dip in the pond to get all wet, an' then go running all around with a sword, don't you?"

"Aww, are you sure I can't be the helmsmare?" Scootaloo asked.

This wasn't making things better. "I am not talking in a silly voice, swordsfighting, or getting myself all wet. But I am the navigation officer or helmsmare or whatever you call it."

"Oh, fine," Apple Bloom said.

"I still kinda think Counselor Tiara would work, but okay."

"Maybe I get to do the swordfighting, then?" Scootaloo asked.

"Anyway," Apple Bloom said, "Tiara, set a course."

"Where to, Captain?" she asked neutrally. "Shore leave? We could go get ourselves lunch, or some supplies, rather."

"Perhaps we could plot a course to the planet of plentiful pink pony pastries?" Sweetie Belle suggested.

"The Borderland Burgers and Bazaar?" Scootaloo countered.

"I think," Apple Bloom announced, "that our destination should be the Sand Witches of Carts."

"The what of where?" Diamond said, feeling rather lost.

"Remember in the town square, where all those carts were?" Scootaloo asked. "There's a sandwich shop over near there. Just head back over there, and we'll be fine."

Diamond shrugged. That should be easy enough. She turned the wheelchair so it was headed in the right direction.

"I've locked in a course, Captain."

"Engage."

Diamond started pushing at an even pace, in no mood for another ride like she'd had going down the hill, and Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo walked on either side of her. As they got into town, navigating became more difficult, especially as everypony took the opportunity to give her directions, or what they thought of as directions.

"There's an Andorian pleasure vessel to the right," Sweetie Belle reported. "Evasive maneuvers."

Diamond looked curiously to the right, unsure what that would even look like, and realised she was headed straight for a table. A blue mare sat there gossipping away, mouth half full of a taco that she was getting entirely too much pleasure out of eating.

Diamond swerved around, the mare not even noticing as food dripped down from her taco onto the table. Some ponies had absolutely no manners or grace.

She tried to look through the crowd in front of her for a path, as moving was getting a little tricky. As she moved forward, she glanced down an alley, and the cutest little black kitten she'd ever seen looked back at her. It wasn't wearing a collar, and looked about as underfed as she felt.

She waved to the kitten, hoping to catch its attention. "Here, kitty, kitty, kitty…"

"Ferengi maintenance vessel dead ahead!" Scootaloo called out, and she snapped out of it. A donkey was right in front of her, hauling a huge cart behind him that smelled absolutely foul, and she quickly got out of the way.

"Maybe you could pay a little more attention to the road?" Apple Bloom said. "Here kitty, kitty? What were you even doing?"

"I saw the cutest little-" Diamond looked back in the direction of the alley, but the kitten had already scampered on. "Sorry, got a little distracted. Why's everypony out right now, anyways?"

"Food?" Sweetie Belle said, and received a glare in reply.

"There's clearly an intergalactic summit… or truce or something going on," Apple Bloom said, not particularly convincingly.

"It's the weekend!" Scootaloo volunteered. "Everypony's getting their shopping done."

"Whatever," Apple Bloom said, and started looking through the crowd herself. What she saw put yet another frown on her face. One of these days, Diamond was going to have to start classifying them. She could even write a book, 'The Many Frowns of Apple Bloom'. "Why are those idiots glaring at me?"

Diamond looked over and sighed. Snips and Snails were watching them from a nearby record shop, and Archer wasn't far away.

"Captain Archer and her crew? They aren't. They are glaring at me," Diamond said. "They were some of the ones hassling me the other day."

"We'll have to do something about that. I'm the only one that gets to hassle you," Apple Bloom said. "Wait, where are we going?"

Diamond had started back into the crowd on seeing them, and was steadily making her way to the town square, and most importantly, away from those jerks. She didn't want another confrontation right now.

"To the destination you requested, Captain," she replied neutrally.

"But- I guess," Apple Bloom said reluctantly. "I'll deal with them Monday."

"Do we really have to?" Diamond asked. She really didn't want to have another confrontation with them.

"Not 'we', since it'll be me dealing with them. You'll just be right behind me, pushing me along," Apple Bloom said. "What's the matter, no stomach for a couple of bullies picking on you? We've had to put up with it, like, forever."

"But that's diff- It's just-" Diamond glanced around fervently and found her salvation for the moment. "Is that the sandwich shop right ahead?"

It would be highly surprising if it hadn't been. Besides the sign declaring this to be "Sunny's Sandwiches", with a big picture of a sandwich on it, there were several tables outside with a few ponies munching down on sandwiches. There was even a menu in the window with various types of sandwiches and prices listed.

"Good. Enter a standard restaurant-centric orbit, and prepare for docking," Apple Bloom said.

All in all, Diamond was starting to wish she had a better grasp on the basics of cheap science fiction. Nopony had ever told her there was going to be a quiz, and she certainly didn't have Silvy's notes to crib off of this time. "Huh?"

"Let's go get some grub!" Scootaloo translated.

"I've been out a few days, so I reckon it's my turn to pay for the three of us?" Apple Bloom said.

The three of us. Of course she wasn't included. Somehow she'd been expecting one of them to pay for her food again, but maybe that was unrealistic. She started digging through her saddlebags for her bag of bits, though she hated spending anything she didn't have to.

"Um, I got enough from my sister this morning that I figured I'd just pay for all of us for lunch today," Sweetie Belle said, causing her to pause for a minute.

"I haven't been here for a few days, though, so it's my turn," Apple Bloom firmly said.

"Let's split it. You pay for yourself and Scoots, and I'll get me and Diamond," Sweetie Belle replied, seemingly ready to out-stubborn Apple Bloom. Scootaloo's ears drooped and she seemed lost in thought, though Diamond couldn't say why.

"You and Diamond?" Apple Bloom said. "Oh."

"You've already gotten me breakfast a couple times, you know. I do have a little money," Diamond said. It wasn't that she really wanted to pay, but she was feeling like a horrible, no-good, filthy freeloader. Daddy would have had some choice words right now.

"And do you have any way of replacing that money?" Sweetie Belle persisted.

She sure hoped so. "Maybe."

"Well, you can buy me lunch when you do, then. But I'm getting you lunch today, and Apple Bloom is getting Scoots’ lunch."

"So, cripples together, then?" Scootaloo said, tiredly, just loud enough to hear.

"I said I was sorry, Scoots…" Apple Bloom said.

Scootaloo shook her head, blinked, and seemed to shrug it off, though Diamond wasn't sure she believed her sudden mood change. "Never mind, it's nothing."

Sweetie Belle pretended not to notice the byplay between them. "In fact, lets make it even more fun. Let's share sandwiches!"

This was something new. "Share? I'm just getting half of your sandwich?"

"No, silly! Let me know what you want, and I'll order both our sandwiches, but they'll be cut in half and we'll swap halves!"

So she had to eat half of whatever monstrosity Sweetie Belle decided she felt like eating? "I don't-"

"Sounds good to me," Apple Bloom cut in. "I'm not sure if I'm up to Scoots' usual, though."

"What, are my sandwiches too awesome for you?" Scootaloo said, picking back up a bit of her enthusiasm from earlier.

"Well, I won't know for sure until I see what you pick," Apple Bloom replied. "Why don't we head inside, at least?"

Doors and wheelchairs. This could be difficult. "Could somepony hold the door open while I get Apple Bloom inside?"

"Got it!" Scootaloo pulled the door open, and Sweetie Belle pressed against it, making sure it stayed open as Diamond pushed the wheelchair in.

A bell on the door jingled, and a fair amount of the customers inside looked their way. Glaring at the crowd, Diamond got a few of the less rude ones to go back to what they were doing as they got in line.

Behind the counter, a yellow mare was taking down orders, and a large menu showed all the shop's advertised specials with pictures of the sandwiches in question.

"There!" Scootaloo said, pointing at one of them. "I'm going to have that one with lots and lots of horseradish."

Diamond looked where she was pointing. The sandwich in question seemed to involve provolone cheese, mushrooms, avocado, sprouts, mustard, pickles, onions, and was dripping with horseradish already. She didn't want to think what that would do to her insides.

Apple Bloom must have been thinking the same thing. "Lots and lots of horseradish on the side, thank you. I don't need all that spicy stuff on my sandwich."

"You're probably just going for something boring."

"An alfalfa, lettuce, and tomato hayburger should be just fine to my way of thinking."

Sweetie Belle looked sideways at Diamond Tiara. "So what did you want?"

Scanning the menu, one thing did stand out. "I was thinking of that roasted bell pepper and eggplant panini with the vinegar and feta on it."

"Okay! And I'll just get the avocado, swiss cheese, and sunflower seed sandwich with oat bread, I think."

That sounded bland, but comparing it to Scootaloo's Sandwich of Fire, she was most likely coming out ahead. Thinking of all that horseradish did bring one thing to mind. "I'll have a glass of ice water too."

This, of course, started a chorus of drink orders, which worked out, as the mare behind the counter had just finished with the customer ahead of them. A few orders and an explanation of how they were splitting the bill, and soon enough they were seated with their sandwiches.

Sweetie Belle happily swapped half her sandwich with Diamond, and Scootaloo did the same with Apple Bloom after a bit of nudging from Sweetie Belle.

On Apple Bloom's part, she was eying the two fragrant containers of white goo on Scootaloo's tray, wincing as Scootaloo started merrily dumping it in both her sandwich halves. Diamond couldn't blame her. Who really ate that much horseradish?

"How can you even put that all in your mouth, Scoots?" Apple Bloom asked, as Scootaloo bit off a big chunk of her sandwich and started chewing.

"What d'you mean?" Scootaloo said between mouthfuls. "It's awesome! 'Sides, your mouth goes all numb after a while anyway."

"That's probably not a good thing, you know," Apple Bloom said.

"So, as long as we're here, anypony have more ideas for getting our cutie marks?" Sweetie Belle asked cheerily. She seemed to have produced a notebook and pencil from nowhere, though logically it must've been in her saddlebags.

Scootaloo swallowed. "You think we should try songwriting again? I still have that one I was working on."

"I don't think that worked out too well last time." Apple Bloom rolled her eyes.

"Your song was, er, original, anyways…" Sweetie Belle said.

"Yeah, I know! I think it'd be great!" Scootaloo said, warming to the subject.

"You wrote a, what did you call it, a epic rock ballad about a sunbathing chameleon," Apple Bloom said. "Who'd want to hear that?"

"Chameleons?" Sweetie Belle guessed.

"Everybody!" Scootaloo said.

"Daddy says that most musicians don't actually make too much money anyways," Diamond added, in an effort to be included in the conversation. "The real money is made by companies that sell all their records."

"We shouldn't sing?" Sweetie Belle said, not sounding thrilled about the notion. Diamond backpedalled.

"I didn't say that. I just think you'd make more recording music other ponies sing and selling their records."

Apple Bloom rubbed her chin. "I dunno. Don't think we've got any way to make records, an' who'd buy them from Sweet Apple Acres, anyways?"

"You could sell them directly to the record store, but it doesn't really matter, I suppose," Diamond said, giving up for the moment. Sweetie Belle was scribbling away in her notebook, and out of curiousity, Diamond glanced at what she was writing. "'If you listen carefully, on every corner there's a rhythm playing-' You're still writing song lyrics?"

Sweetie Belle flushed and she belatedly tried to cover up what she was writing. "Um, kinda. It's probably no good, tho'."

"Looked good to me. I think some ponies do nothing but write song lyrics and sell them to other musicians, too. That'd be something else you could try."

"Mmmmmyh!" Scootaloo said, as well as she could with half a sandwich stuffed in her mouth and both cheeks bulging.

"Honestly, Scootaloo," Diamond said, "how can you even eat that much at once, especially with that much horseradish on it? What were you, raised in a barn?"

Diamond got to see all too much of the sandwich as Scootaloo chewed it with her mouth open, then gulped down the remnants, following it with half her sarsaparilla.

"Yep!" Scootaloo said unabashedly, buzzing with enthusiasm, or possibly horseradish.

"There's nothing wrong with a good, honest barn," Apple Bloom said. "I could think of worse places to be raised."

Diamond rubbed her forehead, trying to keep her headache from coming back. Spending most of her time with them wasn't going to be easy. "It was a figure of speech, all right?"

Before anypony could reply, she picked up her eggplant sandwich and took a small bite, then another. It, as least, was excellent, if slightly chewy. She let the conversation drift away from her, and just sat back and listened.

Trying to keep in the conversation had probably been a mistake anyways. She didn't really belong here, even if she had to be here now, and she wasn't going to fit in with them, whatever she did.

Just listening was interesting in itself, though. Something seemed off in their conversation. As the conversation continued, it occurred to her that while Scootaloo would respond to things Apple Bloom said, she was mostly talking to Sweetie Belle.

That wasn't really that surprising. After what she'd said a little earlier, she was probably still pretty irritated at Apple Bloom. She just wasn't sure why Scootaloo was trying to hide it. If she was irritated, Diamond had normally made sure everypony else around was well aware of it and why.

She could always ask Scoots about it later, though. Diamond finished up the eggplant sandwich half, and started in on the avocado one from Sweetie Belle. Despite her worries about it being bland, it wasn't bad at all.

Of course, Sweetie Belle and her half of the eggplant sandwich didn't seem to be going nearly as smoothly. She seemed to have managed to yank a large piece of eggplant out of the sandwich with her first bite, and after chewing off a piece of it, was gainfully employed trying to put the rest back in her sandwich without getting everything else all over.

At least I'm better than her at some things, Diamond thought. She took another bite of her own sandwich, and as she did, the avocado slid out of the section in the middle she was holding the sandwich by, and several pieces of avocado fell down onto her plate from the other end.

She made a valiant effort to ignore them and finished up her sandwich. Afterwards, they were still there, mocking her.

Normally she'd have thrown them away or left them on her plate. But she was still hungry and far too conscious of her limited budget, even if she found the idea of eating something that fell out of her sandwich a little icky.

Self-consciously, she cut the remaining avocado into smaller pieces, and started spearing them with a fork and eating them one by one. Finishing the last piece, she looked up to notice several eyes on her.

"What? Is everypony done?"

Surveying their plates, that certainly did seem to be the case. Maybe she was just imagining that they'd all been looking at her, or had just looked up at the wrong moment.

"So where next? The Carousel Boutique? Or were we headed somewhere else first?"

There was silence for a minute. Then Apple Bloom spoke.

"I guess. I didn't really think about where we were going. I just wanted to be away, really. I wanted to do something fun, but how much fun can you have sitting down, no matter where you are?"

"We can still have fun!" Sweetie Belle said, sounding a little too enthusiastic to be real. "Come on, and let's brave the fierce feline natives and retrieve our cargo!"

Apple Bloom sighed, though a slight smile crossed her face. "Right. Prepare to disembark."

Diamond got up, and went into what was now seeming like her normal position behind the wheelchair. They headed out of the sandwich shop, and were quickly on their way.