//------------------------------//
// Chapter 7 
// Story: A Knight's Aria 
// by chillbook1 
//------------------------------//

Sir Wub-Wubs levitated a knife from his cape pocket and floated it over to the smoke cloud. He buried the blade up to the hilt, waited a moment, then removed it. The sharp steel of the knife was completely gone.
“I figured as much. Molecular Diffusion Field. Spreads apart the atoms and molecules of whatever it touches until it becomes nothing.” said Sir Wub-Wubs.
“Eh. Doesn’t sound like the worst way to go.” said Vinyl.
“In the top 5. It would be excruciatingly painful and would take a relatively long time. 3 minutes for a complex creature such as yourself.”
“How are we gonna get past?” asked Derpy.
“Good question.” said Wub-Wubs. “Anypony got any ideas?”
“Derpy could fly us over.” said Vinyl.
“Too risky. She might drop us. What else?”
“We can go around.” tried Derpy.
“An entire city? We just don’t have that type of time.”
Sir Wub-Wubs was so wrapped up in thought that he didn’t notice the faint song coming from the shadows. Vinyl slowly took a step forward, being drawn toward the cloud of smoke.
“This doesn’t make sense.” said Derpy. “I was just here the other day. It was fine when I was here and now it’s gone!”
“I can only think of a few ponies who could completely destroy a city in such a short period of time. None of them make sense.”
“What doesn’t make sense?” asked Vinyl, stopping just outside the shadow.
“Well, only so many ponies could pull off destruction on this level. Lady Luna, Lady Celestia, this Princess Cadence I heard about could do it, uh… I could do it and… Well, even if she could, she wouldn’t.”
“Hey, I want to try something.” said Vinyl.
“What?” asked Wub-Wubs, noticing Vinyl for the first time. “Vinyl! Get away from there!”
Vinyl stepped forward, walking into the smoke. Wub-Wubs sat with his jaw dropped as Vinyl exited the smoke, completely unharmed. Just to boast, she jumped in and back out.
“Are you dense, mare?!” shouted Wub-Wubs. “You could’ve been killed!”
“But I wasn’t.” said Vinyl. “Why is that?”
“Why does it matter?! What were you thinking?!” 
“But how?” asked Derpy. “You should’ve been killed! I’m glad you’re not, but how?”
“I dunno. I just felt like I should try it. That song just made me feel like I could do it.”
“Song? What song?” asked Wub-Wubs.
“You guys didn’t hear it? It wasn’t exactly loud, but if I heard it, you guys should’ve.” said Vinyl, scratching her head.
“What did the song say? Was there lyrics or just a melody?”
“It said ‘go.’ It told me to walk into the smoke.”
“And you listened?! You just listen to any old siren-song mindcontrol?!”
“Well, it worked out for me.”
“Scratch, that was the dumbest, bravest, most moronic act i’ve ever seen. Not to mention useless.”
“What do you mean, ‘useless’?” asked Vinyl. 
“I mean that this doesn’t get us any closer to a solution. All that accomplished was giving me a heart attack.”
“Dude, the solution is obvious.”
“What is it?” asked Derpy.
“Duh! If you guys keep a hold of me, you’ll be okay!”
“How do you know that?” asked Wub-Wubs.
“The song told me so.”
“And we’re just going to trust it?”
“It didn’t let me down before.” she said.
“Well, maybe it won’t be so generous this time. Maybe it was lying to get us all to walk in together. And what makes you think you’re protected permanently? Sounds like a huge nugget of good luck.”
“Maybe this is why the Whispers are after me. You said I have something Hades wants, and maybe this is it! Some weird power that can resist his magic!”
“We could always go home.” said Derpy. “Tell the princesses what we found. I thought that’s what we were going to do anyway. Why do we have to get through Appleloosa?”
“I told you when you joined.” said Wub-Wubs. “We have to fight Hades. Hades is in Tartarus and a portal to Tartarus is a hard thing to create. Only Lady Luna and Lady Celestia could do it, and they can only do it once every thousand years, so it’s up to us to find one. I know where one is.”
“It’s in the Badlands, isn’t it?” said Vinyl. “If we have to go, there’s no other way but to trust the song.”
“That’s a lot of blind trust I’m putting into a piece of music.” said Sir Wub-Wubs uncomfortably.
“Your people had a special relationship with music. You trusted it and you still do. Just give it a chance.” said Vinyl.
“I don’t trust a song if I can’t meet the composer.”
“Then trust me.”
Sir Wub-Wubs thought it over, trying to find some sort of flaw in Vinyl’s plan. Besides the obvious risk of death, he didn’t come up with much. He let out a pained sigh, disappointed that he would have to depend on a mare.
“Fine. I’ll trust you to lead us through the smoke.” said Wub-Wubs, placing his hoof on Vinyl’s flank. She slapped it away angrily.
“Dude! You can’t just touch my butt like that!” she said.
“That was your butt? Ugh! I’ll have to burn this hoof.”
“If you didn’t want to, why’d you do it?”
“I’m blind, remember?”
“Oh, yeah, the old ‘I’m blind’ excuse! I’ve heard that one before!”
“I thought I made my feelings for you clear: I don’t like you that way. In fact, I barely like you the other way.”
“Please stop!” said Derpy. “We have to go, right? So why don’t we stop arguing and get moving?”
“Alright, alright.” said Vinyl, moving Wub-Wubs’ hoof to her back. “But no matter how sweet and soft it may look, keep your hoof away from there, alright?”
“With pleasure, Vinyl Scratch.” said Wub-Wubs. “Are you on, Derpy?”
“Am now.” she said, placing a hoof next to Wub-Wubs’. Vinyl took a step forward, passing into the smoke. The air was different, more dense and smelly, like old cheese. It was all they could do to stop themselves from coughing on the rancid stench of the evil black smoke. About halfway through, Vinyl started feeling dizzy, as though she would pass out at any moment.
“We have to get out of here soon.” said Derpy. “This stuff stinks.”
“That’s gonna help me narrow down who could’ve done this.” said Wub-Wubs. “I’ve gotten it down to a grand total of one pony with this ability, and I know he didn’t do it.”
“How can you be so sure?” asked Vinyl.
“Because you were sleeping on his chest when this happened. This is definitely Muussist magic, and I’m the only one left. Of course, this could be some weird mimicry magic, which places blame back on Hades. This looks like his style and his work, so I have no doubt in my mind that it’s him doing it.”
“I can see the exit!’ said Derpy. “Wait, is it real or a vision? It’s getting hard to tell.”
“It’s real.” said Vinyl. She could also see the break in the smoke a few yards away, sun pouring in the otherwise impenetrable gas cloud. The trio trotted carefully through the break, being careful as to stay touching. When they escaped the shadow, Vinyl let out a sigh of relief and told Wub-Wubs that it was safe to let go.
“Thank Celestia that worked.” said Vinyl.
“You had doubts?” asked Wub-Wubs.
“Not at first, but then that smell started hurting my head, not to mention that I’m freaking starving , all of that combined and got me a little worried about our survival.”
“Now that you mention it, I’m kinda hungry, too.” said Derpy.
“I could go for a bite.” said Wub-Wubs. He reached into his cape pocket and removed two knives, which he handed to both of the mares.
“What are we gonna do with these?” asked Vinyl.
“Go find a cactus and cut as much as you can. Then, bring it back here so we can have some breakfast.”
“You expect us to eat cactus? No way, dude. I’m a hay-burger-and-fries kind of mare.”
“Little known fact: Cooked cactus greens are delicious. Like roasted walnuts, but sweeter.”
“But how are you gonna cook them?” asked Derpy.
“Another little known fact: I’m a genius. Just get the cactus and I’ll do the rest. Oh, and make a little cup or something out of the greens. We need water.”
Derpy and Vinyl began their search for cacti, which was proving a much more difficult task than they thought. It seemed that this desert, while rich in sand, reptiles and other desert-esque things, was severely lacking in cacti.
“Where’s this stupid cactus?” asked Vinyl. “We’ve been walking for, like, ten minutes!”
“I see one!” said Derpy. “Right over there!”
“Cool. I see it, too. Let’s go!” said Vinyl, picking up speed. The cactus was only a few feet away, and they were slicing at it’s inner flesh in a few seconds.
“Hey, Vinyl.” said Derpy. “What’s up with those glasses?”
“What do you mean?” asked Vinyl, forming a little container out of the cactus. She used it to catch the water leaking from the plant.
“Why don’t you take them off? Do you have a problem with you eyes, too?”
“Nah, nothing like that. I wear these glasses to show that I’m a disk jockey. The glasses are the difference between Vinyl Scratch and Dj Pon-3.”
“Then how come you never take them off? I’ve only ever seen Dj Pon-3. When am I gonna meet Vinyl Scratch?”
“To tell you the truth, I don’t care for Vinyl Scratch too much.” said Vinyl. “I prefer the Dj. I met most of my friends as Dj, so why not just stay?”
“Uh…”
“Exactly. We should probably get this back to Wubs before another badger comes along and makes him pee himself.”
Derpy and Vinyl carried the spoils of their adventure back to Sir Wub-Wubs, who happily took the knives, cacti and water from the two mares. He used some of the cacti to make two more cups, then divided the water into them. He handed the mares a cup, which they drank from thankfully. Wub-Wubs stabbed his remaining four knives in a circle, all tilted at an angle, then placed the cacti in the center.
“Now we let Lady Celestia cook our food for us.” he said. “Am I good or what?”
“What?” said Vinyl.
“I said ‘am I good or-”
“I heard you.”
“Funny. You should go on the road with that routine.” he said sarcastically. “A stand-up comedian. The funny, the charming Dj Pon-3.”
“How do you know my stage name?”
“You talk in your sleep.” said Wub-Wubs with an evil smile. “You made quite a fool of yourself.”
“How did I do that?” asked Vinyl, falling for his trap. 
“‘Coming to the stage now is the mare with the sweetest drops in all of Equestria! Dj Pon-3!’.” mocked Wub-Wubs. “‘Hello Ponyville! Come talk to me after the show if you wanna drop more than beats if you know what I’m sayin.’ Classy of you, mare. Looks like my courtesan assumption was on point.”
“You think you’re so funny. You better sleep with one eye open. Not that it matters.”
“Guys! I think the cactus is done.” said Derpy, poking at the dark green plant. Wub-Wubs took a knife, stabbed a piece of cactus, then handed it to Derpy, he repeated the process for Vinyl and himself, bowed his head in his pre-meal prayer, then began to dig in.
“Huh. Never would’ve thought to eat cactus.” said Vinyl. “It’s pretty good.”
“I love it!” said Derpy, chowing into her third serving. It was a good thing they had plenty to spare, because Derpy was swallowing the cactus like another pony might breathe.
“I’m glad you guys enjoyed it. Lady Luna was the one who first fed me cactus.” said Wub-Wubs. “We were on an adventure, not unlike this one, and we stopped to eat. Lady Luna made cactus salad, cactus sandwiches, cactus burritos…”
“Cactus muffins?” asked Derpy.
“Yeah. Why?”
“I love muffins, all kinds of muffins! Banana, blueberry, cherry, strawberry, chocolate chip, lemon surprise! Makes my mouth water just thinking about it!”
“How about this? When this is all said and done, I’ll personally make you a batch of cactus muffins.”
“I’ll hold you to that, Sir Wub-Wubs.”
“Hey, it’s a mouse.” said Vinyl, pointing at the small, golden-brown rodent.
“Nice try, Scratch. I’m not falling for that twice.” said Wub-Wubs.
“She’s not joking.” said Derpy. “It really is a mouse. Wait, no. Not mouse. Mice. There’s… one, two, three… seven of them.”
“What are seven mice doing in the middle of the desert?” asked Vinyl. “Do mice travel in, like, packs or whatever?”
“No. There must be some sort of reason why. Maybe it’s just dumb luck, or Hades’ magic, or a big mouse family reunion. I don’t get it and I also don’t like it.”
“How long until we get to Tartarus?” asked Derpy.
“Hm… A few hours, at most.” answered Wub-Wubs. “I’m not worried about that, though. What we need to think about is how we’re going to defeat Hades. We need a plan. My blade will not be able to fell him alone, and I don’t know if I have any songs that will be strong enough to help.”
“What if I sang it?” tried Vinyl. “You said I sang the song better than you did, so maybe it’ll be enough.”
“No. You should only be able to sing that one song, since you’re not a Muussist. Equestrians can learn the songs of my people, but can only perfect one.”
“I could fly back to Princess Celestia.” said Derpy. “I can ask her for help.”
“There is no help. If Lady Celestia had somepony else to call, she wouldn’t have called me.” said Wub-Wubs, thinking it over. “Let’s think for a moment. What do I know about Hades? He’s clever, I know that. Conniving. He’s sneaky and deceptive, and chooses to have his enemies surrender before him rather than actually fight them. He has a habit of making deals with mortals, deals that look like they would give the mortal whatever they wanted, only to find out that something was hidden in the fine print.”
“Like a genie.” said Vinyl. “Rub a lamp, genie gives you three wishes. When you wish to jump high, he turns you into a frog.”
“That’s an interesting analogy, but it paints the picture correctly.”
“Trick him!” said Derpy. “You make a deal with him and then turn it around! You’re smart. I think you can do it, and that way, you beat him without risk of getting hurt.”
“That is brilliant, Derpy Hooves! You are a genius!” said Wub-Wubs. “I’ll offer Hades something he can’t refuse, and then I get him when he least expects it!”
“It was Vinyl who gave me the idea. I just read a book about a genie who got tricked and sucked back into his lamp!”
“That genie analogy was even better than I thought. Good job, Scratch. You just might’ve saved us.”