//------------------------------// // Chapter 6.3 // Story: A Slice of Life // by Twilitbook //------------------------------// Dear Princess Celestia, I regret to inform you that last night I was unable to see your sister's beautiful meteor shower. The peagsi of Cloudsdale have done a less than spectacular job, and all I was able to see where the bottom of rain clouds. Please inform her of all my apologies and the best of intentions to- SURPRISE! What the- Pinkie Pie? What the heck are you doing here? Your not suppose to show up till chapter- Up up up! No spoilers! Now comeon! I have the biggest, most spectacular surprise party possible set up for you! We'll have cake and pin the tail on the pony, and drink sasparilla and there'll be streamers and balloons! AND CAKE! OMIGOSH THERELL BE CAKE EVERYWHERE! Pinkie... its just my birthday, its not a big deal. Yes it is! You've turned four today! ....don't you mean twenty? Twenty? You don't look that old. *GASP* Are you an alicorn? No Pinkie... I'm not. Now if you don't mind, I have a chapter for my fans I need to finish writing! What, all work and no play on your birthday! Not for my friend! THere'll be games, and presents, and fanart, and tvtropes pages, and maybe someone even make a song, and there'll be remixes of that and- Are you high? Can I buy a dime of whatever you have? Always! And no! Of course not! Drugs are bad for you! The fan stuff could happen! NOW LETS GO! HOP INTO THE PARTY CANNON! *manages to hit the submit button before the crazy party pony drags him off* “Repair bill to fix a century old Veneightian glass window: eleven thousand bits.” FWUMP! “Cost of the hospital bill and paid leave for over a dozen injured guards: forty-seven thousand bits.” FWUMP! “Grocer’s bill for the purchase of over thirty-one thousand boxes of Moon Pies: one hundred and fifty-five thousand bits.” Celestia smiled. “Having the greatest Moon Pie fight in the history of Equestria? Priceless.” “With all due respect,” Feather Duster commented dryly, “maybe next time you could pick another, less expensive place, for your shenanigans.” With more force than was probably necessary, she slammed another stack of papers onto the desk. “That reminds me…” Feather Duster hefted another novel-thick stack with her magic. “It’ll cost at least another million or so bits to fix the palace exterior.” Celestia scoffed, her eyebrows raised high at the exorbitant amount. “That’s absolutely insane. The marshmallow isn’t stuck on there THAT badly. Can’t we, you know, have Luna just lick it off or something?” “Uuuuurgh…” Celestia looked to the side of her study, where Luna was lounging on a couch. Bits of white marshmallow and crumbs of graham cracker clung to her indigo coat, her lips smeared with chocolate. The sticky night goddess had a hoof dramatically draped over her forehead, the other pressed against her bloated stomach. “I could not dream of another bite…” Luna said weakly. “…at least for another few hours. Give mine stomach time to digest…” “After what I saw today, that may have been a viable option for us to use; had the damage solely been the mess of food you created.” Feather Duster shook her head in disbelief. “Did the two of you really have to give those pies a layer of explosive magic?” Celestia had to admit that Feather Duster had a point. Celestia also knew that Luna was an incredibly fast flyer who didn’t play fair, and there was nothing better than a gooey explosion to keep her grounded. Now if only her aim wasn’t so off… “Okay… maybe that was overdoing it… but Luna started it!” Celestia pointed an accusatory hoof at her sister. Luna acknowledged the claim with a low moan, and clutched her stomach. “I confess to the deed. May mine punishment be as delicious as the act.” The frazzled Feather Duster gave a loud, frustrated sigh. “Itching powder in the guards’ armor. Buckets of tree sap and feathers in the noble quarters. Poison joke juice in the wine bottles.” She listed off, pacing in front of Celestia’s desk. “Your highness, you know my one and only purpose is to serve your interests, and so long as nopony gets hurt I have no intention of ruining your fun.” Feather Duster said, turning a pleading eye to her goddess. “You’ve pulled a lot of pranks over the years but I can’t turn a blind eye to this. Out of everything, this takes the cake.” “Speaking of cake, any chance of convincing the Kitchens to whip something up? I heard it was the Royal Archivist’s birthday today and I’d absolutely love a slice of-“ “You highness, you know as well as I do that is impossible. I am bound by oath, and I’d appreciate it if you’d stop treating this as a joke and started acting as someone of your station! I mean, look at yourself!” Feather Duster fumed. The unicorn magicked a mirror in front of Celestia. Celestia wasn’t much better than Luna was looking at the moment. Dark chocolate and bits of marshmallow smeared her snowy form. To her immense amusement, not even her ethereal mane had escaped unscathed, as bits of Moon Pie clung to the solar wind strands. The Sun Goddess hated to admit it, but it seemed that Luna was a better shot than herself. “I think it’s a good look for her.” Luna quipped from the couch. “You’ll be the laughing stock of Canterlot if the nobles see you like this.” Feather Duster urged, as she banished the mirror into oblivion. Celestia pressed a hoof to her mouth to hide the smile she was trying to keep down. “You sound like my mother.” “My apologies, your highnesses” muttered a less than sincere Feather Duster, bowing as she backed out of the room. Her pocket watch was slowly brought out and the maid sighed as she saw the time. “You wisdom is as sound as ever and your actions are a credit to the great nation of Equestria. Now if you will excuse me, I’m going to go take care of tremendous amounts of damage control. In the meantime, IF in both your infinite wisdom and maturity, you decide see fit to NOT destroy half your kingdom with baked goods, I would suggest that Princess Celestia prepares for court. I think it goes without say that we are far behind schedule.” Celestia thanked her hoof-maiden as she gently shut the door behind her, and with a feeling of dread, turned to the massive column of work in front of her. How she longed for the days of yore, when scantily clad stallions would feed her grapes. Being an all-powerful goddess seemed so much more promising back then. “Thy maid seems more concerned with thou being a princess than thyself.” The white alicorn sighed. “Feather Duster means well and has been invaluable to me. I won’t hold her words against her. I think I can fathom her stress. We did get carried away.” With great reluctance, Celestia began to tackle the work in front of her. Celestia silently chewed the tip of her quill thoughtfully as her eyes scanned the first page. There is no requirement for CMIA to provide the parties with the amount due, or the amount they should set aside to cover future payments, before settlement so they can appropriately allocate and resolve these Equicare obligations during settlement. The end result is uncertainty for all parties involved. CMIA is unsure when it will receive repayment. The primary payer is unsure about its bottom line, and the beneficiary, who Equicare is meant to protect, is unsure if they will receive the coverage they were promised… Celestia swiftly crumpled up the piece of paper and sent it flying into the fireplace. The flames quickly licked at the ivory surface of the page, the edges curling in black. The sun princess whole heartedly believed that the paper was now serving a better purpose as fuel. Something about the amount of trees cut down daily for the sake of bureaucracy ticked her off. The forests of Everfree, her home, were already smaller than they were a decade ago. There was no reasonable purpose to cut into the sacred wood. Slowly, Celestia made her way through page after page of proposals, treatises, and bills. Some were spared the flames of her fireplace with a quick signature, and carefully placed in a separate pile. But, as always, the humble fire in the hearth was being well fed today. Celestia raised an eyebrow in disbelief at the signature of the document, a conflict of emotions tugging at her lips. She wasn’t sure if she should laugh or cry. “Luna… what is this?” With a loud groan, Luna managed to prop herself up into a sitting position. “What is what, Tia?” Celestia levitated the document in front of her sister’s face. “This proposal of yours… care to explain what it’s about?” Luna’s eyes quickly sped over the familiar paper. “Just some recommendations about how Equestria’s space program could be improved. I see nothing implausible about it.” The princess made a grab for the paper, but Celestia lifted it just out of her sister’s reach. “Luna, half of this document is a ridiculous idea to coat the moon in a layer of chocolate.” “As I said before, I see nothing implausible about that.” “Alright then, before I start about the logical flaws and implications of this plan, do you know how many bits this would cost?” The moon princess gave her sister a flat look, and then turned her attention to a suddenly interesting blob of chocolate on her nose. “Sister, do I look like an abacus to you?” “Probably over a billion bits.” “Ah.” Silence passed between the two sisters for a small lull. “Could I count on you turning the moon into marshmallow?” “That depends, Tia. Does thou think Feather Duster would think highly of this plan?” “Absolutely not.” Celestia brought the paper back over to her and scribbled her name on the document. “Sister, I cannot find words suffice to state my love for thee.” “I know, Luna… I know…” Celestia murmured tiredly, as she reached for another document. With a grunt, Luna miraculously heaved herself off of the couch, and slowly trotted over to Celestia’s desk. “I shall deal with this, Tia. Thou should not waste thy time with such mundane frivolities. Clean thyself and do not keep our subjects waiting.” “You sure?” Celestia asked, a surprised feeling of warmth moving through her. “Oh ancestors, Luna, you have no idea how much easier you’ve just made my day.” Luna offered her sister a smile and sat down at the desk, levitating the quill with her own magic. “Think nothing of it, Tia. Thou hast enough to deal with.” The moon-pie splattered moon goddess offered her sister a sly smile. “Now be off, lest I change mine mind.” Her footsteps as light as a pegasi’s, Celestia practically pranced her way to the door of her study. It wasn’t until her hooves started to stick to the carpet that Celestia was forced to pause. “Luna… you don’t think there’s hot water left somewhere in the palace, do you?” Luna paused in her reading and looked up at Celestia with worry. “I don’t think so. Oh my… how does thou intend to get clean?” A smile crept to Celestia’s face. “I have an idea…” The sun goddess raised a hoof to her mouth and licked up the smear of chocolate she found there. A shudder of delight went through her body as the sweet flavor melted on her tongue. Luna’s lips curled into a smile that mirrored Celestia’s own, and gave her sister a wink. “I won’t tell anypony if thou won’t.” Special thanks to everyone whose wished me Happy Birthday today. It trully... trully means alot to me. And major thanks goes to the increadibly awesome Darth Lolita and John Perry. Darth for, what it seems, spamming everyone who reads Slice of Life, and John for the increadibly awesome Birthday Plug on his wall. Also thanks to my younger bro for editing again. Again, thankyou to everyone, and all of you guys rock. Best. Fandom. Ever. As you've noticed, this chapter isn't as funny as the previous ones.Tried to do something a little shorter and different. Good things its only a small part of Chapter 6, right? My little birthday present to you all, till the next chappie comes out (which will be soon, I promise) Your faithful archivist Dawn