//------------------------------// // Wyld Stallyns // Story: Snips and Snails Excellent Adventure // by thewaffler //------------------------------// The two had snuck out around outside to the biology department where they had a plan on getting into the school. They had been lucky so far, which for them wasn’t a good thing as that usually meant something bad would happen to balance it out, charma if you will. The plan itself wasn’t very clever; it mainly consisted of Snails trying to get the attention of his marefriend Peppermint Twist, while the teacher’s back was turned. Once that was accomplished, phase two was to get her to open the door from the inside and thus letting them in and avoiding... “Uhmm,” coughed Strict-Land. The three looked behind themselves “Damn,” said the idiot twins in unison. While Twist just glared at the two for making her an accomplice. “Well, if it isn’t Snips and Snails making a new personal best and showing up an astounding fifty minutes late, but what’s this looks like we have new friend to join you two in detention. Tsk, tsk, tsk. I expect this kinda crap from these two slackers, but not from you Miss Twist,” said Strict-Land moving from tones of very heavy sarcasm to disappointment then to slight irritation and finally ending on mild disappointment. He then turned to the three and giving them slips of paper and walked away. “Well not that I don’t enjoy spending time with you, but I need to get back to class or what’s left of it as it’ll be over in ten minutes,” said Twist to Snails as she starting walking back to class. “Oh and remember you promised to meet my parents for dinner tomorrow night,” she said while walking down the hall back to class. “Um…Yeah, I didn’t forget and I’ll see you then,” Snails yelled out nervously. Meanwhile, Snips just stood here fiddling with his locker. “Come on you cheap piece of crap open up,” he muttered to himself. Snails banged on it with his one his front hooves and it opened, slightly annoying Snips. “What are you, Fonzy?” “No, he’s teaching shop at the other end of the school.” “It was rhetorical,” Snips said rubbing the bridge of his muzzle in slight irritation. The bell rang for the end of first class and thus effectively ending this conversation that was going nowhere fast. They got to their world history class just as Professor Spike was handing out the test. Snips being normally cocky was now sweating bullets after glancing down at the questions below, which might as well be written in another language. At the same time Snails looked at his test and said, “screw it” under his breath and decided to just wing it, being mostly multiple choice he was bound to get something right even if it was by accident. Thing about Snails is contrary to popular belief wasn’t a total moron and the subject he excelled in was biology especially in the subject of gastropods. Whereas Snips was pretty good when came to applied mathematics. History on the other hand as the old saying goes, “Those who don’t learn from it, are doomed to repeat it.” Truer words haven’t been spoken in their case as it would seem. After fifty-five minutes Spike collected the test and paid close attention at two tests in particular. The thing is after grading about thirty or so test from the previous class, he had basically memorized the answer key and noticed a great many things wrong them. The bell rang signaling the end of class. “Okay, class remember your oral presentations on What Would Historical Figures Think of Modern Day Equestria is due this Friday and is worth forty percent of your grade. Oh, and Snips and Snails I’d like to see you after class immediately,” Spike called out to his class as they were leaving. The two unicorns hadn’t been fortunate enough to leave prior to Spike’s request for an after class conference. First and foremost Snip and Snails had been good friends with Spike when they were little, but Spike was seven years older than them and was now twenty three years old. The two upon seeing as it was their old friend as their teacher had thought this class would be easy and that they would be given special treatment. Oh, how wrong they were. The situation was because he was a new teacher and wanted to be taken seriously by both the faculty and his students, Spike needed to be harsh with grades and even stricter with these two to keep anypony from suspecting favoritism. “You probably know why you two are here.” “Well, I’ll admit our grades aren’t the best, but…,”said Snips before being interrupted by the furious adult dragon who was clenching their test papers in his hand. “…Joseph Stallion invaded Gallop during the Blitzkrieg Bop?!? That was a short answer pulled from your test Snips. Oh, here’s a gem from Snails’ test; Jolt Delorean invented the carriage and was arrested for drug trafficking. Still wrong, but at least the second half of it makes sense. Do you two have any idea where you rank in my class? Before you answer that question, I’ll let you know it was rhetorical. Let’s just say that oral presentation is your only hope of passing at all,” said Spike in a harsh tone. “Come on cut us some slack,” said Snails. “Trust me if I didn’t think of you two as my friends I couldn’t care less for two lazy stallions in class on the road to self-destruction, but because I care I’m extremely strict with the both of you. You aren’t like Pipsqueak, Diamond Tiara, or Silver Spoon whom will either get out by a hoofball scholarship or just being rich. I see potential in you guys, just very little drive. That’s all I have to say, I’ll write you a pass for third class and please remember what I said.” The two left the classroom in a defeated mood. “Anyway Snails, we’ll meet after school at your house for band practice.” “Yeah, no wait actually we need to go your house my dad’s coming home today.” They two went to their respect classes. The rest of the day seemed to speed up as there was no real incident and before they knew it school was over. After school they had one tiny errand to do as they met up with the massive hoofball quarterback ironically named Pipsqueak who for playing such an Equestrian sport spoke with a thick Trottingham accent. The only thing they actually hated about the stallion other than his cocky self righteous attitude was that he basically lucks out when it comes to any actual exams and school work because of his school status as Celestia’s gift to sports. “Aye, blokes I can’t thank yea enough for spicing up that party at me house while my parents were out and as promised here’s the agreed sum,” he looks back and forth to make sure no one sees the sack full of bits he’s pulling out from his pack and tosses it to Snips, before darting off. “Sweet, now we can go get that new amp for my guitar and some new strings,” exclaimed Snails. “We wouldn’t need to get a new amp for you if you hadn’t stuck your hoof threw your old one.” “But who suggested I play like a rock god?” “I didn’t mean for you to smash everything like the bucking Who,” Snips said trying to make his point as they walked to Fender’s music shop. A store for whom the two were frequent customers and would go to when they needed the advice of the owner and proprietor a kindly old griffon named Dem Fender. “Hey, guys what I can do for you today,” asked Mr. Fender quietly. “Well we need a new guitar amp, a cheap one preferably and some guitar strings,” Snails whispered matching Mr. Fenders tone. “Oh and why are we whispering?” Mr. Fender pulled a basket from behind the display case and placed it on the counter. “Because I’m babysitting today as this little one’s mother is in Manehattan for a fashion exhibition and her father is going be staying late at work for a meeting,” Mr. Fender spoke softly as he revealed the odd looking sleeping infant whom had just started to bellow smoke rings in her sleep. “err… anyway how much will that be” inquired Snips “Normally your total would be sixty bits, but because I scared of what will happen if this child wakes up and because you two are regulars and are extremely accident prone. I’ll sell them to you guys for forty bits just to get you out of the store. However, the cost means you will have to take a refurbished amp.” “Sold,” Snip said as he placed the bits on the counter and thus lowering funds received from earlier down to ten bits. Snails meanwhile grabbed the amp and guitar strings and headed out the door, but not before accidentally slamming it. In the background were the sounds of a panicking griffon who was two weeks away from retirement and the roar of fire from a very cranky baby dragocorn. They proceed to walk back to Snails home to get his guitar from his room. Snips reluctantly decided to wait outside, which was probably the smartest thing he’d done all day. Little did he and Snails know that waiting inside was Snails’ dad Sergeant Mollusk who was on leave and very pissed. Luckily Snips was outside and avoided the impending shit storm. A few moments after Snails went inside the yelling commenced. The only pony anyone heard was the Sergeant. “GODS DAMMIT SNAILS!” “WHAT’S THIS I HEAR ABOUT YOU SLACKING OFF IN CLASS AGAIN AND FOR WHAT SOME CRUMBY LITTLE GARAGE BAND!?” “DON’T KNOW YOU? I DON’T NEED TO KNOW YOU, ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW IS I THAT SUPPORT THIS FAMILY AND IT’S MY WAY AND THAT’S FINAL!” “IF YOU DON’T GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND START GETTING BETTER GRADES, I’M SHIPPING YOU OFF TO THE CANTERLOT MILITARY ACADEMY MYSELF!” “WHAT? YEAH. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY SIGHT!” Snails walked out of the house pretty steamed and without his guitar. “Dude, you alright,” asked Snips in concerned voice. “We’ll forget band practice and go back to my house, get some herb, hang out with my cousin Dinky and eat some frozen pizzas.” “Forget him, bro and thanks but now I really want to get some practice in today,” said Snails with determination in his voice. “But, I’ve only got one axe, I mean yeah there’s Dinky’s drum set, but you’ve admitted that you aren’t very good with those and I can’t think of too many other options.” Snails glanced up saw that the window to his room was still open and got an idea. Using his unicorn magic felt around his room till, “I think I’ve…got it.” Snails levitated the instrument out of the window, but not without banging it into walls several times on the way out only to elicit a yell from the Sergeant. “WHAT THE BUCK IS THAT , GODS DAMMIT?!” The two galloped down the street and several minutes later were in front of Snips house or rather his aunt Ditzy Doo’s house seeing as he had been living there since he was nine following the off screen deaths of his parents in a tragic barbershop incident. They were greeted by Snips' over enthusiastic cousin Dinky who was running out of the small cottage towards them. “Hey, guys, so are you two going to practice? Can I watch,” asked Dinky as she spotted Snails’ guitar case and Snips holding the bag with the new amp from Fender’s music shop. “Alright you can chill with us, but only if you throw some frozen pizzas into the oven,” said Snips to his younger cousin to which she nodded. About fifteen minutes later, Snips, Snails and Dinky were relaxing in the garage, well not so much a garage but more like an old tool shed with a couple of bean bag chairs, a water pipe, an old radio, and some band posters haphazardly thrown on the walls. Following their arrival the room was filled with smell of pizza, the aura of smoke and the sounds of three unicorns laughing while reminiscing about how each of their respective days had gone. “…then he was like I don’t need to know you and I’m like forget you and we bolted not before really pissing him off,” said Snails giggling as he recounted the final moments before arriving at the shed. “I think it’s time we got some practice in today,” said Snips trying to free himself from his bean bag prison. Snails agreed, but was also having trouble because like hammocks bean bag chairs are impossible to get out of without causing harm to one’s self. Meanwhile Dinky just sat there watching and laughing at the spectacle of two grown stallions trying to get enough leverage to free themselves. A few minute later they were finally free and began setting up. Snips got his guitar out and began tuning it as Snails was stringing his guitar and getting the new amp ready. Confident they were ready Snips let out a solid guitar riff, soon followed by Snails although his axe still needed minor tuning, they began to fill the room with the sound of somewhat random guitar tabs from various artists as neither of them knew what to play. “PLAY FREEBIRD,” shouted Dinky in a slurred voice still slightly out of it from this afternoon’s activities. The two looked out in front of them and they were no longer in a tiny shed outside Snips home with an audience consisting of one very high unicorn, but now they were in a packed arena with screaming fans as far as the eye could see with lights and giant speakers. They looked down at the crowd and grabbed their mics and shouted. “It’s great to be back in Hoofston and WE’RE WILD STALLIONS” they screamed to crowd in unison.