//------------------------------// // Chapter 7 // Story: Of Owls and Hats // by Malcolm Merlyn //------------------------------// In the Everfree forest for a several mile radius. Birds scattered at the sound of the screaming. Not from the massive red dragon that was torching up a good portion of the forest, but from the incomprehensible screaming that came from four unfortunate men who had just so fortunately pissed off a massive dragon. The four of them did the only sensible thing they could have done in the situation. Run around with arms flailing, scream incomprehensible things and just sprint into the direction they came from. As for usual tradition to intruders who disturbed a dragon's slumber, the great beast remained upon the ground as it chased them. While it could have easily went up into the skies to find it's prey, the thick tree cover would have allowed the mercs to hide. Down here where it could even see the prints, there would be hiding. Just running until someone either got away or got turned into roasted flesh. From the looks of things, it was probably going to be the second of the two. "INCOMING!" Heavy screamed as the wall of fire came charging at them like Pyro on a bad day. Thankfully, no one was made into human barbecue. Not thankfully, the smell of cloth on fire suddenly filled the air. For a moment, everyone looked around confused while running. Until Scout took a glimpse of Demoman's rear. "Eh... Cyclops? Your butt is on fire." The man took one look. ONE LOOK. ONE LOOK before letting out a scream that vaguely sounded like an air raid siren before making such a mad dash in circles that Professor Zoom would have been jealous at the speed the scotsman ran. "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!" Demoman screamed as he tried to pat out his burning butt. The flames didn't actually scorch him, just felt quite hot. Of course, while his rear would remain mostly intact, the same could not be said for his clothes as when the flames finally were pat out, everyone got a nice view of those white boxer shorts with red hearts all over them. The roar of laughter that came from everyone was only stopped by the fact that scout soon found out that his hat was on fire. "KEEP RUNNING!" "Ah. A cup of coffee in the afternoon. Keeps us grunts going eh?" Soldier asked to himself as he took a deep gulp of the dark beverage. "Okay. Now where are those buffoons I sent to get that turkey for turkey day?! They are late!" "Maybe zey've run into problems?" Medic suggested as he sat down twiddling his fingers. "Probably. Can't seem to rely on anyone these days." Soldier grumbled. "Spy!" "Yes?" The Frenchman asked irritably. "I need a man to monitor the robots! Go do that now!" "My pleasure." The Frenchman replied sarcastically. At least if any backs are mysteriously stabbed, the money would be all his... "Alright. Now where did I leave my keys?" [Back to the forest] It probably should have been funny that Demoman wore white boxers with red hearts. Under normal circumstances, this kind of revelation should have entertained many crowds for years to come. Right about now however, it was entertaining no one when yet another wave of fire caught Sniper's hat on fire, which would set him back about a few hundred dollars in terms of finding another high-quality crocodile skin hat. Needless to say, the Australian was PISSED. "Ya bloody lizard!!" Sniper cried in rage as he watched his proud head decor catch right on fire. Quickly, he threw a jar of jarate at the dragon in an attempt to slow the big beast down. All it really did was cause the dragon to maybe bat a single eye. Besides him, Demoman had attempted to do the tried and true "Stickyspam" at the dragon. What no one told him was that the only thing he was doing was pissing it off even further. The next rush of flame burnt Scout's duffel bag into tinders and caused Heavy to trip. "WHOA NO!" The big Russian screamed. Rather suddenly, a sandwich fell straight out of his pocket and landed on the dirt right between him and the dragon. With a loud stomp, the good food was crushed underneath the food of the dragon. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" The heavy screamed in despair as he sank down to the earth waiting for the great beast to finally finish him off as he lost his beloved sandwich. "Fatty! RUN!" Scout screamed as he stopped for a moment to watch the dragon rear up it's head, ready to breath fire. Except it didn't. Instead. It found itself staring at a certain butter-colored Pegasus who stared into it's eyes. "Now. You got to be ashamed of yourself!" "Scout. Am I seeing things?" Engineer asked as he took one look at what was going on. "Nuh uh." The Bostonian replied as he took a glance at what was stopping them from turning into roast dinner for the dragon. A tiny little horse with wings. "Oh I am so sorry." Fluttershy began as the dragon left. "He's a bit jumpy. From what he told me, he woke up and was feeling so grumpy! It was just unfortunate you boys were caught there. Are you all lost?" No one was really sure how to respond. Especially when the right way to reply was "We stole a turkey from a nearby farm and it ran here so we tracked it into a cave and almost got eaten." "Umm... yeah?" Scout asked. "Okay. How 'bout we get a way out of this darned forest?" "Is... is that pony talking?!" Sniper asked in disbelief as he scratched his head. "Alright mates. This is weird." "Hey. Be polite to horse. Horse saved Heavy's life from big dragon." Heavy rumbled. "What is your name?" "I am Fluttershy!" The pony nodded. "Are you lost?" "Didn't Demoman just answer that?!" Scout asked irritably. "YES! We are fricking lost! Now if you, um... Shutterfly..." "Fluttershy..." The pony corrected inaudibly. "Whatever. Just get us out of this goddamn forest." "Okay then. Follow me." Fluttershy nodded. "My cottage is not too far out here. You're welcome to stay for all you need." "This is excellent! Our sales from day indicate that we'll be making roughly 15% more profit overall!" Gray smiled as he looked at the big board indicating sales made in Equestria. "Ha! Building a portal into an alternate dimension to sell hats was the best idea I've ever had!" In addition sir, our profits, we are now making 0.013% more revenue than Mann Co. "YES!" Gray Mann cheered as he almost jumped up into the air in his joy. "TAKE THAT SAXTON! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE A FOOL OUT OF ME YOU HAIRY TWIT! Listen up! This calls for a celebration!" At once.