PANG! PANG! PANG! "Rise and shine! You don't have a rooster so I guess- GET UP!!" exclaimed unicorn Box covered in a suit of pots and steel drums. Its five in the morning and for years I woke up at seven or eight to feed the rats in my cell. Even though I'm free I still feed the Manticores.
"Wha is goin onah?" I ask in a slurred grog from sleep.
"I'm making a man out of you so drop and give twenty push ups."
"Why shood I-" my sentace was cut off by me falling out of a chamber face first. I looked towards my bed to see a zombified me in it.
"Good you're awake. Thirty push and ten crunches. Oh wait I forgot, you always stop at five. Bear crawl to the throne room when you're done." he said, flipping out the door.
Its almost noon when I reach the throne room. How did he do that?! Inside is a whiter than white human highschooler with flame styled hair and blue eyes. He almost resembled a tall, muscular Jonny Test. He had on jeans, Nikes, and a shirt that was red on top transitioning to yellow at the bottom. He was doing one handed pushups over an apple.
"You took a while! By the way, yes I can become a human. Had the DNA acquired when hunting Sunset Shimmer years ago. Who would've thought that me could become even paler? HA! It was priceless!"
He lifts himself over his hand before backflipping into Luna's thone. To be honest I wondered if he was in a circus or something!
"Lesson one: morphing."
"Morphing?" I asked. I thought he was going to make me do an exersize sequence like in 'Rocky III' or in 'Karate Kid' (I miss earth Netflix) but instead I get morphing. Simple.
"Become Rarity like you did with Discord at the Crystal Empire. We have a date with real Rarity to teach you how to walk like a proper lady." Box said with his nose in the air and normal tone.
"Wait... What?"
"You heard me. I already have the gear there and ready. Your pony walking sucks more than the slow and crappy bear crawls I just saw. You could pass for an abused child than a mare."
I think I was just issued a challenge! My body turns black as charcoal as I'm reshaped to the smallest detail into the exact look of the element of generousity bearer. He led me to the foyer only to chunk me inside a crate and blow it up. The mini me's cleared the rubble to reveal me, a recolored Rarity with a anime-like crazy lemon-lime mane and tail with a pink body. Taped to my butt was a mark of a lemon.
"Long story involving me painting my house. We're a tad late so ya better learn to run!" Box said turning into a pegasus as he ran. My schedule is empty so I decided to hoof it... once I stopped tripping over myself. The hind legs are easy its just my front legs won't move in sync.
"Hey minion me, over there, get on my back." I said to a mini me staring at me. He hopped on my back and as instructed soon after, used a stick to guide my leg movements. Next thing I know I've sped to a good speed to almost see Box at a distance talking to Apple Jack at her shop, he turns to me with a knowing smirk.
"Hi! Are you new here? I'm Pinkie Pie! What's that on your back?" our annoying pink pony said, appearing out of nowhere.
And in my best sad face girl voice I responded, "*cough* *sniff* B-Box..."
"hm? What's wrong?" Pinkie asked, her hoof on my shoulder.
"M-my name is Lemon Life and that pony with the fire... fire hair c-c-called me ugly! WAHHHHH!!!" I'm not a great actor, but I think Rarity's face made it work because she soon turned her head and "went ape" on Box.
I took out my map and ran to an alley to go the long way to the Boutique. As I ran by stallions whistled at me and tried to talk to me, until they heard my voice.
"I was born with a filly face, back off!!!"
Once I arrived Rarity greeted me in and guided me to a tread mill. An hour later my minion let Box in with Pinkie death hugging his leg behind him, he had silly string all over his body and a pie on his head. "I hope you happy Jake. For this you're doing pony laps around the castle."
"Worth it, besides I found a new power." I said stumbling a bit with my hoof work.
"Really, darling, what is it?"
"Its not a MOD so I could've done it for years if I'd known . I can redesign myself and my forms now so Lemon Life is a thing now... Though I'm thinking dark colors for my Flash Sentry body with a styled mane."
"Cool cool. Think fast." as soon as he said that I was knocked off the tread mill by an apple and dropped the diamond axe I placed in my mouth.
"That wasn't a nice thing to do!"
"Either your motor skills suck or the ability is more incomplete than imagined. Not only can you lack in aquired voices, but you lack in magic too."
From the floor I returned to my normal form (also attracting my axe to my inventory) and sat up, "Who throws an apple?!"
"The Apple family, darling."
"Never mind. Who made you Yoda?" I said followed by Box summoning a... crate. I looked to my left to see my minion grimace and looked at me with a face that said either 'OMG what've you done?!' or 'boo! I'm scary!'
"I've seen so much in my years of freedom. Many wars fought both won and lost. I provided food to the starving in the areas I stayed in as well as made book that made you look great, to pass the time. Those stories are not just adapted versions of your poorly written diary, they were reminders to me of how to start the life of a hero. You know? With immortality, since you can't die all you would need to do is remember the lost. I do. I hear their laughs, their cries, even their voices in my dreams." he said standing on a soap box wearing a glare that seemed vacant, "I dare you to knock me off this old crate without getting injured."
To be honest I almost had tears from his words, but a dare was actually enough to brighten my mood. I must be a cruel jerk to think of dares over talk of lost lives...
"Without getting injured?" taking one step forward, "I think that would be easy task to com-" I was cut off by Box stepping off the box and a pain in my left shoulder catching my attention.
"Quit the dramatics... unless taking a step closer was just a step. If you looked around, you would've seen one dark blue tile on the ground of this light blue kitchen floor. Observe behind me is a lemonade pitcher full to the brim of tea, but how is it full with the hole on the side?" Box said displaying said landmarks, "I hid a pressure plate and dispenser with one arrow. You got injured and I was still on the box in the meantime."
I looked to said arrow stuck in my shoulder, blood slowly oozing from the wound. "Even if you did get close to me, you would've learned that I was standing on a sticky piston. Well I think I have a report for Celestia to write and a boutique to unarm." he said, taking nearly everything at the surprise of Rarity.
"Darling, did you just say 'a boutique to unarm'?" Rarity asked.
"Yes. Its been armed for sometime- That reminds me, I forgot to find the TNT in Golden Oaks! Hopefully she doesn't have an experiment involving giant fireballs!"
I heard a pop, inside my inventory a blue envelope appeared. I opened it up to find a neatly folded paper and a smaller blue envelope. I opened the paper, on it's corner is a green Cyrix logo meaning it was from alternate me.
-Look at Paper-
If you can respond, how can a fireball cause an explosion to a tree? I doubt ponies use gas- wait never mind.
Anyway in case this is early, prepare for a giant... um... what's it called?
Huge, red. Sucks a lot? Has black hooves and is very muscular? Grows bigger the more it sucks?
Anyway prepare to fight Discord again.
- Jake Witt (earth)
-Put away Paper-
Big, red and black that sucks a lot? Sounds like "Kill La Kill" to me. So I have to prepare for eating lemons and a terrible anime? Done! I look over at the small, blue envelope and read the note aloud.
Read Note
Spoilers~!
End Note
"Spoilers? That reminds me! I need in eat the almost expired cakes! Gottagobye!" Pinkie said leaving, filling her mouth with a "pixie stick" sugar as she closed the door. Looking out the window, colorful straws, once full sugar, litter her path. Where do ponies keep things without an inventory? My guess, the might have pockets or pouches.
Waving good bye, I ran out the door and off the nearest cliff. Later grabbing my stuff from my dead body, I walked into town.
Everywhere ponies stared up at my very being as I tower over them. It has been a long time and with these new skills acquired... what? months? meh. I can finally do this one thing I've been dying to do!
I started jumping and stacking wooden boxes under me, getting a few shocked gasps from the ponies below. I stopped when the crowd looked like little ponies... wait. Screw it, I can say what ever- well technically its thinking, but still. I take a balancing pose as I crush a few blocks under me to get into better view.
"Hello ponies! Look at that unicorn, now back to me. Look at your nearest minotaur, aaand back ta me. Sadly, they aren't me." I said, pointing with my free leg. "But if they learned summoning spells and could break a tree with ten, one fist, punches may be. Just may be they could be me!" I hop down and tossed two command blocks at my box stack, sending both command blocks along with their load to Sweet Apple Acres. (Shes raising another barn)
"Look at my hand, its an apple. Look up, back down. Fiiive Golden Apples~! Four potatoes, three big carrots, two wooden sticks, and cake for for a princess!" I sang balancing golden apples in my right hand, potatoes on my knee, holding two wooden sticks with carrots and a cake impaled on said sticks.
"Turn around look again! Where are we? We're near a dragon horde, about to be burnt to a crisp!" I said in diamond armor, juggling burning potatoes on blaze rods. (My summoning material is limited...)
"Jump up, stomp down if your gonna come around! If we work together helping Twilight win the crown!" I shouted, as we all appeared in Twilight's library everyone wearing tourist outfits as Twilight and Spike just stared at the spectacle, "Anything can happen if your pony isn't bland!"
We reappear in the market place, back to normal except for me, "I'm on a pig." I finished, riding off towards Fluttershy's cottage, with command blocks tied to ropes following, where a sunset was at apparently. So I was riding a pig towards the sunset? meh, who cares? Not me!