The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 15 Pinkamena Vs. Dan*
Chapter 146 Everyone Vs. Everyone Else
-oooooo-
‘RATATATATATATATATATATATAT!’
Bullets ripped through the night air towards the feminine figure outlined by the brownish-red dust. Fairy Girl felt sharp stabs of pain pierce her skin and plunge deep into her abdomen. She bent over and placed her left arm over her wounds. Though traditional bullets were not fatal to her kind, being shot still hurt like one wouldn’t believe.
The Lady smiled. “What was that? ‘I’m on fire,’ was it?”
Fairy Girl gritted her teeth. Something was wrong. Unless she was struck by iron, her wounds should have healed almost immediately, but blood continued to seep from the bullet holes in her stomach and she felt a burning sensation in her lungs. She glanced around at the dust around her that had begun to cover everything like a thin layer of rust-colored snow. The dust… could it be…? Better end this quick then sort out what this is afterwards.
Fairy Girl pointed her right hand out toward The Lady. Around her index finger was a silver ring designed with uneven zigzags that went all the way around and surrounded a cobalt-blue gem. She squeezed her hand into a fist and the ring began to glow and crackle.
The Lady’s smile dropped as she noticed the glow. She quickly raised her arm again and pointed. But where a torrent of bullets had poured out of before, the only thing that came out of barrel this time was a series of unsatisfying clicks.
Fairy Girl smiled as she noticed the first few tiny sparks of electricity jump from the ring. Her smile quickly faded as noticed the sparks failed to join into a single bolt that propelled forward but instead arced about the dust around her, she briefly felt her hair stand up on end before a sensation that seemed to alternate between burning and numbness overtook her body.
“AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” Fairy Girl screamed as electricity coursed through her. She collapsed to the rust dusted concrete below, her head falling into a pool of her own fiery red hair.
‘STOMP…’
‘STOMP…’
Fairy Girl glanced up as the Lady walked towards her with heavy steps. She wasn’t sure if this was for dramatic effect, or if the Lady’s suit had simply taken a little too much electricity and was acting up. Either way, she was finding the act of defending herself, or even standing difficult at the moment.
The Lady chuckled to herself. “And here I thought you had something bigger like a lightning cannon or an electrical discharge generator… You surprised me with that tiny ring. Still… it seems your item there doesn’t function as well when surrounded by semi-conductive material.”
Fairy Girls eye darted about the brownish-red colored dust that settled into a thin layer over the surroundings. “Cough… Wha… what is it…?”
The Lady grinned. “Iron oxide powder. It’s highly magnetic and my sensors can use the particles to help make a very accurate mapping of my surroundings. That’s how I was able to find you.”
The left side of Fairy Girl’s lips pulled up in a sneer as her left eye twitched slightly. That bleedin’ idiot has no idea what I am still! She thinks because she shot me and I ended up shockin’ meself that she won. She has no idea the dust is killin’ me!
Fairy Girl felt a profound sense of rage come over her. It was doubtful her death here would be any more permanent than her last one, but she knew her death was certain at this point. Her bullet wounds refused to heal and she could feel burning from her lungs with every breath. Her body started to ache and her vision was going blurry, and she wondered if the fine metal powder had begun to poison her very blood. Still, it was not the method that filled her with fiery anger, but the idea her opponent had bested her out of sheer dumb luck.
‘STOMP…’
‘STOMP…’
The Lady bent down and wrapped metal fingers around Fairy Girl’s neck, hauling her up and holding her off the ground.
Fairly Girl managed a grin through all the pain. “Cough… cough… Ye’r a fool for getting this close.” Fairy Girl placed her right hand against the Lady’s power armor and squeezed it into a fist.
The Lady smiled as she simply reached out with her other hand and grabbed Fair Girl’s wrist as the ring began to glow. “And you’re an idiot for thinking I had forgotten about your little toy.”
Fairy girl quickly reached out with her other hand and attempted to pull the Lady’s arm away, but the Lady’s power-armor-covered arm didn’t budge. Soon the ring was positioned right under Fairy Girl’s chin.
Fairy Girl let out one more glare before she felt another wave of burning and numbness rip through her body. She let out one more scream before going silent.
Elise Sr. unceremoniously discarded the now lightly smoking body on the concrete next to her. Her suit’s systems gave a few more beeps of protests and then went silent as the lights on her helmet went dim. She couldn’t feel the burning sensation anymore, but then again, she was having trouble feeling much of anything.
“Guess that wasn’t my best idea…” Elise Sr. said as she slowly lowered herself to a sitting position. The final lingering glow of her visor went out, and Elise Sr. removed her helmet. Her eyes were getting harder and harder to keep open.
She glanced up down the line of warehouses, but she was having trouble making them out at this point She looked down at the body of Fairy Girl. “Well… guess it was nice being number two on the FBI’s most wanted list… if even for a little while…”
Elise Sr. closed her eyes as her body went limp.
-ooo-
Jean pulled out a palm sized rectangular black item with a red button on the top and continued to smile as the red lights of the dentobots eyes remained focused on him. Without hesitation, Jean pressed the button.
Dr. Pullum simply looked at the box and sighed heavily. “Alright, what animal does that thing summon and what ridiculous properties have you engineered it to possess?”
Jean grinned wickedly. “Bats, they’re now the size of cocker spaniels, and their echolocation can be used as an attack that vibrates things until they fall apart.”
Dr. Pullum sneered. “Bats?! I hate bats!”
“I know…” Jean replied with a smirk.
Dr. Pullum cocked his head slightly. “Still, unless that sedan you came in on was towing invisible bat pens, I’m guessing they won’t show up right away.” One corner of Dr. Pullum’s lips curled up slightly. “What’s to keep me from having my dentobots finish you off now?”
Jean smiled and shook his head. “Oh, Jackie… You don’t want to just kill me. You want to prove you’re better than me. That you’ve surpassed me. Having your robots stab me to death with their hooks won’t prove that.”
Dr. Pullum frowned slightly. “No… I suppose it won’t. Alright, we’ll wait for your ridiculous bats.”
“Says the man who thought two long hooks shoved into something that looks like a metal E.T. all balanced on a unicycle was a good design.”
“… You know what? I don’t think I care if I’m better than you anymore… I just want to kill you.” Dr. Pullum glanced behind him. “Dentobots!”
The dentobots all pointed their forearms at Jean.
Jean smiled as high pitched shrieks accompanied by the sound of heavy wings flapping in this distance could be heard in the distance.
“Too late,” Jean said. He raised his hands in the air as dozens of massive bats flew in from behind him, blocking out the moonlight as they dove at the dentobots.
The robots looked up as the bats came down. With ear-piercing screeches, the robots began to rattle, fall apart, or simply collapse into piles of long metal hooks and scrap metal.
The robots still functioning and possessing limbs lifted their arms and fired off thick lengths of white strands that entangled the bats and brought them to the ground. Soon the area was a mass of flailing hooks, leathery wings flapping about, cracked and shattered round metal heads, and a tangled mess of dental floss. All of this shaking violently as the bats screaming shook the ground and the warehouses around it.
Jean threw his head back and laughed maniacally at the chaos in front of him.
Dr. Pullum narrowed his eyes, focusing a determined look at Jean. A blood-curdling shriek filled his ears as he felt his teeth chatter and very bones shake as if threatening to pop right out of his skin.
In a flash of movement, Dr. Pullum pivoted and pointing an end of his staff upwards. A blue beam suddenly shot out from the hook, hitting the bat that was screaming at him. Small arcs of electricity flickered across the bat as its flapping became sporadic. It fell to the ground and began flaying its wings about, apparently too disoriented to regain flight. It began screeching in random directions, damaging robots but catching other bats in its shrieks as well. The rattled bats began to drop from the sky.
Dr. Pullum turned again, took aim, and fired, bringing another bat to the ground that screamed in all directions. He repeated the process two more times, and soon the sky was every bit as chaotic as the ground below.
Jean stopped laughing as he managed to make out a new sound from amongst the screeches of the bats and clattering of metal. He looked back down as Dr. Pullum stepped over fallen machines and entangled bats, laughter pouring out of him as he clutched his double-hooked staff and walked closer and closer to Jean.
-ooooooo-
Pinkie, Chris, and Elise continued walking past massive warehouses as the full moon lowered itself in the night’s sky. The once completely clear sky now sported the odd cloud here and there, though the group took no notice, each one’s focus on something else entirely.
Pinkie stared on with determination even as the cat on her shoulder begun batting at an errant strand of long pink hair.
Chris held a smartphone in front of him and moved his finger over the screen as he squinted at the words he was typing.
Elise similarly stared down at a screen, her tracker seemingly working as expected once more.
Chris perked his ears up at the sound of horrendous screeching coming from behind the group. “Is it just me, or does it sound like it’s getting weirder and more dangerous back there?”
Pinkie rolled her eyes. “Kinda getting fed up with all these distractions, Chris.”
Elise looked up from the screen of the device which casted a soft glow on her face. “Don’t worry, the warehouse is coming up.”
“It better be!” Pinkie cried. “If I go much longer without seeing Dan, I think I might scream so hard I tear a fabric in space time… again.”
Elise pointed down the line of warehouses. “Just a few more warehouses and we’ll—AAH!” Elise exclaimed as she suddenly found herself moving sideways.
“WHOA!” Chris too found himself moving.
“Merow!” Mr. Mumbles cried as she clung to the shoulder she was on. Pinkie merely stared off into open space with a grumpy expression as a massive freight door opened and the ground beneath the trio of people and one cat shifted until they were inside a dark warehouse.
With a loud ‘Thoom!’ flood lights from overhead switched on, revealing a wooden stage with a single man standing in the center. He looked up and stared at the group in front of him with an eager smile and narrow, mascara-surrounded eyes. “Good afternoon, boys and girls!”
Pinkie glared. “It’s night, and there’s only one boy here!”
“Merow!” Mr. Mumbles mewed in agreement.
The man on stage motioned to himself. “I am… Magnifico the Magnificent!” He turned focusing his attention on Elise and smiled wickedly. “And I need a volunteer to help me do some… magic!”
Elise froze in place as traumatic memories of her eighth birthday party came flying at her like knives thrown towards her as she spun helplessly shackled to a large wheel. Traumatic memories all courtesy of a teenaged Magnifico the Magnificent.
Chris gasped. “He summoned us here with his magic!”
Pinkie sighed. “Chris, I know being stupid is like your thing and all…”
“Heeeey!” Chris protested.
Pinkie looked down. “…But I’m pretty sure this is a big conveyer belt painted to match the color of the cement.” Pinkie stomped down a couple times. “Cement doesn’t bounce when you step down on it, for one.”
Elise stared up at Magnifico in determination, she handed Pinkie the rectangular device she was holding. “Pinkie… go… Find Dan.”
“‘Kay,” Pinkie replied as she looked down at the device.
“This is something I have to do on my own.”
Pinkie furrowed her brow as she looked up. “I just said ‘‘kay’!” she cried in irritation. “I’m going! We can skip the dramatic explanation!”
Chris’s eyes nervously darted from Elise, to Pinkie, to Magnifico.
“It’s time for me to face my fear, once and for all!” Elise announced. “You have your own destiny to face.”
“Oh my gosh, Elise! I literally said I was leaving a few seconds ago!”
Elise balled her hands into fists…
“No! Stop that!” Pinkie demanded.
…threw her arms into the air…
“You stop that right now!”
…and shouted at the heavens.
“MAAAAGNIFICOOOOOOOOOO!”
Elise
Vs.
Magnifico
“WHAT DID I JUST SAY!?” Pinkie exclaimed.
Chris frowned heavily and turned towards Pinkie. “Well… I guess we better…”
Pinkie leveled an index finger at Chris. “You stay here!”
“But Elise said…”
“I DON’T FLIPPIN’ CARE!” Pinkie cried shrilly. “If you come with me you’ll probably run into some nemesis or something…”
Chris narrowed his eyes. “Like the Secret Order of the Calorie Counters…”
“Yeah like… Wait, what?” Pinkie quickly threw her arms up and waved them about. “No wait! I don’t care…” Pinkie glanced at Elise, taking note of her tensed hands that shook slightly as she held them by her sides. “Just stay here! I don’t want to have to explain to Dan why I killed his best friend because I was getting super annoyed with everything!”
Chris pursed his lips slightly. “Well… he might understand… I mean… he’s come close to killing me one or two times… but uh… Yeah… Guess I’ll just hang back and help Elise.”
Pinkie nodded. “Good! Make sure she makes it out of this one alive.”
Chris smiled. “I guess that’s sort of my job…” He gave Pinkie a serious look. “Go save Dan… and take care of yourself, Pinkie.”
Pinkie nodded. “I will…”
Elise slowly raised her hand, desperately trying to keep it steady as she focused her eyes on Magnifico. “Me… I volunteer.”
Magnifico grinned. “Elise! It’s been a spell.”
“You stole that line from Dan, you jerk!” Pinkie cried out as she continued to walk away.
Magnifico glared off into the warehouse. “HE DOESN’T HAVE A MONOPOLY ON MAGIC PUNS!”
Elise reached into her coat. “I should have done this the night Dan embarrassed you at your show.”
Magnifico smiled as he reached for either side of the open coat over his bare chest. “Abra…cadabra!”
The silver jewelry on Magnifico’s chest jingled as white doves flew from his open jacket, heading straight for Elise.
“Wha!” Elise cried out in alarm as she frantically pulled a boxy pistol from her suit jacket.
‘BANG!’
Elise’s pistol went off, firing wildly into the air before she dropped it. She put her hands in front of her face as the doves coming towards her scattered.
Magnifico chuckled darkly. “You dropped your little gun, Elise.”
Elise narrowed her eyes. “It’s fine, I have lots more… Bigger ones, too.”
“Oh, I’m sure…” Magnifico replied. “For my next trick…” He stepped down hard on the stage and suddenly the warehouse itself began to shake.
“Beautiful…?” Chris said.
“Don’t worry!” Elise cried as she reached her hand into her coat again. “I got this under contro—”
Elise’s eyes went wide as she watched her assault rifle fly from her coat; this was followed by several other firearms and large, medieval weaponry that all landed on the stage as a large metal pole wrapped in copper wiring rose from below the stage. Each item soon slid across the floor of the strange and clung to the pole.
“Che…cheap trick…” Elise uttered. She tried to force her body to stop shaking, but she couldn’t shake the feeling she was once again helpless to the whims of the man in front of her.
“Cheap?” Magnifico said as he raised an eyebrow. “I’ll have you know this is one expensive arcane artifact.”
Chris squinted at the item. “Is that an electromagnet?”
Magnifico sighed. “I suppose that’s one way to describe it. Congratulations, you learned one more secret about magic.” He reached into his jacket and pulled out his wand. “Too bad it’ll be your last.”
Elise reached into her jacket, her hands shaking. She checked her pocket for the small, round compact mirror. Much to her relief, the item was still present. She pressed the button to open it and slowly began to pull it out of her coat. I sure hope Twilight is fast on the draw… I know Magnifico is a magician, but showing off I have a magic mirror with a winged purple unicorn who can fire magic out of it to someone this famous probably wouldn’t end well.
Chris placed his hand in front of Elise.
“Chris, what are you…”
“I got this under control, honey.”
“WHAT?!” Elise cried. “Chris, you don’t even have laundry under control most the time!”
Chris turned and smiled. “Look… I may not have sciencey potions, or know what chemicals will make an animal shoot radioactive fire out of its nose… but I do have lots of experience with lunatics who want to kill me for whatever reason.”
“Oh… alright, honey…” Elise said in an unsure tone. “Just be careful.”
Chris stood in front of Elise. “Don’t worry. This experience has taught me something… and I think I’d like to share it with Magnifico.” Chris looked up and narrowed his eyes at Magnifico.
Magnifico grinned. “Volunteering to be the first one shocked to death, how noble. I suppose I… Wait what are you doing…?” Magnifico stared down at Chris in confusion as Chris bent down and raised his foot up in front of him.
“I’m taking off my shoe,” Chris explained as he removed his loafer.
“Okay… but wh—”
‘THWIP!’
Chris’s shoe sailed through the air, spinning as it reached its target.
‘THUMP!’
“OW!”
Chris’s shoe bounced off Magnifico’s forehead.
Magnifico brought his hand up and rubbed the spot the shoe had just hit. “That really hurts! I’m going to have a lump there, you idiot!” Magnifico held his hands up and to his sides. “Who throws a shoe?! Honestly.”
‘THWIP!’
‘WHACK!’
Chris’s next shoe was right on target, knocking Magnifico’s wand right out of his hand.
“AH!” Magnifico cried in alarm as a red and a black wire dangled from his sleeve. He quickly opened his jacket revealing a knob which he turned to the off position. He breathed a sigh of relief and turned towards the front of the stage.
Chris was now standing a couple feet away from him, towering over the magician and glaring down at him.
Magnifico quickly raised his hand towards Chris’s face, but Chris swiftly wrapped his own hand around Magnifico’s forearm. Chris followed this up by pulling Magnifico’s jacket sleeve down slightly, and grabbing the tiny spray vial of chloroform around his wrist.
Magnifico looked on as Chris casually discarded the vial off the stage. He swallowed as Chris turned back and leveled an angry glare at him.
Magnifico looked up nervously and reached into his coat, pulling out a deck of cards. “Want to see a card trick?” he asked with a nervous grin.
‘POW!’
Cards went everywhere as Chris delivered a blow directly into Magnifico’s face.
“That’s for traumatizing my wife, you creep!”
Magnifico rubbed the cheek that had just been punched. “Alright, sorry about that. I mean… I probably was a little rough on an eight year—”
‘POW!’
Magnifico fell backwards as Chris punched him again.
“And that’s for trying to kill her just now.”
Magnifico groaned as Chris leaned down and gripped the edge of his jacket tightly. He pulled Magnifico up with his one hand as he pulled the other back and clenched it into a fist. “And this is just because I never got to hit you way back when you stole my great-great-grandmother’s necklace.”
“Chris, wait…”
Chris paused as Elise walked up behind him. “Uh… Hey, beautiful… just uh… violently defending your honor.”
Elise placed a hand on Chris’s shoulder. “I know and you did a great, job. But I think you’re done…”
Chris frowned. “Oh… okay…”
Elise gently pushed Chris back as she leaned down to grab Magnifico’s arm.
Chris’s frown only increased as his wife helped Magnifico to his feet.
“Tha… thanks, Elise…” Magnifico said as he woozily raised a hand to the side of his head. “I hope we can put all this traumatizing and attempting to kill each other business behi—”
Elise suddenly jumped straight up, spinning her body as she extended a foot.
“HAI-YA!”
‘THWACK!’
Magnifico went sailing off the stage as Elise kicked him in the head. He landed with a hard ‘thump’ on the ground below.
Elise looked up at Chris and smiled. “Sorry, I wanted a turn before you knocked him unconscious. Now what the heck was up with all that talk about animals and radiation and stuff?”
Chris’s cheeks turned slightly red. “Oh well… I mean… You and Jean just seemed to hit it off so well… and er… he’s been so useful tonight… it seems like all I do is drive the car… I’m not even that good at it…”
Elise’s eyes opened wide as realization set in. “Chris… you’re jealous of Jean?!”
Chris sighed. “He’s just so smart… and I’m… well…” Chris trailed off as if his intelligence pretty much spoke for itself.
“Chris, if I tried to date Jean, I’d probably end up fifty feet tall and firing who-knows-what out of a random orifice within a few days.”
“I… uh… You think?”
Elise smiled at Chris. “Look, Jean is smart, and he’s very nice. Easily the nicest mad scientist type I’ve ever met.” Elise’s smile dropped to a serious look. “But he’s still a mad scientist, and believe me, those are not the funnest types in the world to date. Besides, Jean doesn’t have what I’m looking for in a long-term relationship.”
“He doesn’t?”
“No!” Elise insisted, her smile returning. She reached a hand up and lovingly stroked Chris’s cheek. “I want someone who’s stable… mentally especially… My work is so crazy, so unpredictable. My social life is crazy and unpredictable. Chris, I need someone who will always be there for me, who will put up with the more bizarre aspects of my life.”
Chris frowned. “I’m sure Jean would understand, I mean… you have the experimenting thing in common.”
Elise frowned but kept her hand on Chris’s cheek. “I also need someone who won’t stick a needle in me while I’m sleeping and inject me with something just to see what it does.” Elise shook her head. “Look Chris… I’m not going to pretend I think you’re the smartest person out there, or even the smartest person I’ve dated…” Elise held a palm up matter of factually. “I mean, I’ve dated many guys with multiple PhDs—”
Chris scrunched his brow slightly and gave a small frown. “You’re going somewhere with this, right?”
Elise nodded. “Absolutely! While you may not be the smartest person I know, you’re certainly the most gentle, kindest person I know. You’ve treated me with a respect and adoration I’ve never gotten from another person ever before… Including my own family… Especially my own family. You may be the only person I’ve known who’s really loved me for me. Plus, you just beat up the person who caused my traumatic childhood fear! So what if you don’t know what molecular structures compose DNA?”
“Elise, I can’t even remember what ‘DNA’ stands for…”
“DeoxyriboNucleic Acid,” Elise informed. She waved a hand about dismissively. “Uh… but that’s not important. What is important is that you love me with all your heart and I love you. What’s important is you’re someone I want to be with for the rest of my life and start a family with.”
Chris smiled and reached up for Elise’s hand, clasping it in his own. “So we’re back to wanting children? I thought we were taking care of Dan?”
Elise shook his head. “He has Pinkie for that, and a lot more friends… I think… maybe… just maybe we should try thinking about ourselves and what we want to do with our own lives again…”
‘CRAASSSSSSSSSCHCHCHCH!’
Elise and Chris jumped slightly as a robot and giant bat burst through a window across the warehouse and fell to the floor. Tangled to the robot with copious amounts of dental floss, the bat released an ear-piercing shriek directly into the red ‘eye’ of the robot. The eye cracked and went dim, and the robot ceased its struggling.
Elise frowned as she stared down at the tangled mess of broken robot and bat attempting to squirm its way free. “You know… assuming those lives continue past tonight…”
Chris smiled and leaned down, moving his face close to Elise’s. “Well… better make the most of the time we have.”
Elise smiled, closed her eyes, and leaned up slightly.
“Elise…?” Twilight’s small voice called out from inside Elise’s jacket. “Are you alright…? I heard you open the mirror on your end, but it’s dark and…” Twilight paused as she heard a familiar sound of content hums and lips smacking.
“Are you making out with Chris?!” Twilight cried. “Ugh! Can’t I have at least one magic dimensional communication mirror where I don’t have to listen to the sounds of people lip wrestling all the time?!”
>-ooo-<
Jean snickered as he looked past Dr. Pullum to the mess of metal behind him. “Geez, can’t you make robots that don’t break over the littlest thing?! I mean you’ve been at it for years and you still can’t—”
‘POW!’
Jean was cut short as Dr. Pullum drove a gloved fist into the side of his face. He quickly raised a hand up to his cheek and glared at Dr. Pullum. “That was a cheap shot, Jackie.”
“I’m a villain, remember?” Dr. Pullum replied. “And while you spent your days cooped up in a lab, randomly combining chemicals and applying them to vermin, I’ve been keeping in shape.”
Jean cocked his head slightly. “What the heck does… does working out have to do with being a dentist?”
Dr. Pullum sent another fist straight into Jean’s mouth.
‘CRACK!’
Jean clamped down on his teeth hard as the blow hit. He felt something small and solid in his mouth. He spit into his hand and examined a small bit of blood around a small white object that he identified as a chip from a tooth. “Right… sorry I ask—”
‘WHACK!’
Jean was sent reeling towards the barrier behind him as Dr. Pullum hit him with the blunt side of his staff.
Jean woozily looked up and glared at Dr. Pullum. “You’re going to wish you hadn’t done that.”
Dr. Pullum grinned wide, showing off his mouth full of eerily perfect teeth. “Oh, I doubt that… Even if you have another animal to call on, you know I can defend myself, unlike certain others I can name.”
Jean rolled down his left sleeve past his elbow then reached into his coat and pulled out a syringe full of a neon green liquid. “Don’t be so sure about that. Come any closer and you’ll find out just what this does.”
Dr. Pullum turned his staff vertically and put it on the ground, leaning his weight against it. The sound of ocean water shifting just behind the barrier filled the night air as the bats and robots behind Dr. Pullum went quiet.
Jean raised an eyebrow. “Give up?”
Dr. Pullum shook his head. “No, I’m curious to see what happens when you inject yourself with that. You didn’t even tell me what it’ll do to you, so I’m guessing there’s about a fifty percent chance it just makes you sick or kills you.”
“What?!” Jean cried. “Why would I inject myself with something like that?!”
Dr. Pullum grinned. “Because you’re you and desperate! More often than not you had no clue what your little potions did exactly.” His grin soon turned into an angry glare. “You just lucked out with your animal subjects and they usually ended up growing to several times their size or shooting rays out their eyes…” His grin returned. “But humans weren’t your forte, Splicer… and this isn’t university.” Dr. Pullum’s face suddenly went serious. “This is the real world were an angry man can catch wise to your alter-ego and ruin decades of hard work with a power drill!” Dr. Pullum leaned his head down slightly, his helmeted casting dark shadows over his face. “So just take that syringe and pump your veins full of whatever that is… Let’s see how well your luck works when it’s your life and not just mid-terms on the line!”
Jean’s eyes widened slightly as he stared up at Dr. Pullum. His right hand began to shake slightly as he brought the needle closer to his left arm.
“Hesitant?” Dr. Pullum asked with a grin. He suddenly raised his staff high above his head as if preparing to strike with it. “Maybe I can encourage you. Go ahead and inject yourself, Jean. You’ll at least have some chance against me that way.”
Jean narrowed his eyes. “Killing me like this won’t prove you’re better than me… My bats still destroyed your robots!”
Dr. Pullum raised an eyebrow, “Yes, and I took out your bats, made them a threat onto themselves, physically overpowered you, and am about to skewer your brain on the end of a giant dental tool. Jean, if that’s not proving you’re better than someone, I don’t know what is.”
Jean merely stared up dumbly at Dr. Pullum. “Uhhh…”
“You better hope that syringe gives you super strength, Jean,” Dr. Pullum’s smile opened into a massive malevolent grin. “Personally, I’m hoping it makes your death agonizing and painful.”
“You’re willing to take that chance?”
“I haven’t stabbed you in the head yet, have I?”
Jean sighed. “No, I suppose you haven’t…” He slowly inched the needle closer to his arm until he could feel a slight prick against his skin. Both he and Dr. Pullum looked down with intense interest at the syringe as Jean held the needle against his arm.
‘PACHOOOOOM!’
Without warning, a purple bolt of energy slammed into Dr. Pullum.
“WHAAAA!” he cried as he flew over Jean’s head and over the barrier.
‘SPLASH!’
Jean looked up as he pulled the syringe from his arm. Chris and Elise casually walked over the strewn bits of robots, taking care to avoid stepping on any of the exhausted bats that were stirring amongst the debris.
“But… but I had him!” Jean insisted as he placed the syringe full of the unknown liquid back in his jacket.
Elise chuckled to herself as she removed her hand from out of her jacket. “Sure you did.”
Jean sighed as Chris approached with a smile and an offered hand.
Jean took the hand, allowing Chris to help him up. He turned and stared off into the ocean. “He’s never going to let me hear the end of this.”
“AAAHHH! SHARK! SHARK!”
Jean squinted as he watched Dr. Pullum rapidly swim through the water, a big grey shark fin behind him.
“… If he lives, that is…” Jean added.
Chris also squinted as he stared out into the water. “Is that Greg?”
Elise raised an eyebrow. “Greg?”
Chris rubbed his chin. “No wait, Dan settled on Chompy after we stole him from the aquarium…”
Elise held up her hands. “Whoa! The less you tell me, the less I might have to testify against you in court.”
Chris chuckled. “Fair enough…”
Jean looked at Chris in awe. “You and Dan stole a shark from the aquarium?”
Chris shrugged. “Yeah… You see, Dan was angry at the beach, and—”
Jean quickly waved a hand about dismissively. “The reason doesn’t matter… You just must tell me how you two managed to steal a shark that size!”
Chris’s face lit up. “Well, first we dipped crossbow bolts in tranquilizer and…”
Elise put her hands over her ears as she took a few steps in front of Chris and Jean, leading the way down the line of warehouses. Though her ears made it so she couldn’t track the conversation, she could hear the cheerful conversation behind her. Elise smiled to herself.
-ooo-
“Meow?” Mr. Mumbles mewed as Pinkie jogged on, holding the device Elise had given her in front of her face.
“We’ll be there soon, Mr. Mumbles,” Pinkie replied. “Just so long as we don’t run into—”
“Hold it right there, half-a-brain!”
“OH, COME ON!” Pinkie shouted at the sky as she stopped running. “I never even finished my sentence!” Pinkie looked down and glared at a familiar bald, muscular man dressed in black.
He scowled at her. “I’ve been sent to—”
“JUST SHUT UP!” Pinkie said as her eye twitched and she gritted her teeth. “I’M A PENT-UP BALL OF RAGE AND A WHOLE BUNCHA OTHER STUFF YOU DON’T WANT TO DEAL WITH AT THE MOMENT. I’M JUST TRYING TO FIND THAT WOLF-MAN SO I CAN HACK HIS LIMBS OFF AND BEAT HIM WITH THEM BEFORE HE BLEEDS TO DEATH! IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?!”
The large man blinked a few times. “—uh… I’ve actually been sent to escor—”
“Pinkie?” a masculine voice called out from behind.
Pinkie turned. “Sarge?”
“Hey Pinkie,” Sarge said with a smile as he walked up with a slight limp. His black jacket was torn almost to shreds and hung loosely off him. The jacket arm he had let go limp because of his cast was now completely missing. “I got here as fast I could… Sorry, I took so long. Things got really crazy! You see there was a dinosaur that attacked town, and…”
Pinkie held up her hand. “Sarge, I’m sorry, but I just don’t care… But you’re a big guy…”
“Uh… Yes, that is a thing people say about me.”
Pinkie pointed behind her with a thumb at the large man in black. “He’s a big guy…”
Sarge tilted his head slightly. “Yes, I would also say that about him.”
Pinkie nodded. “So you two just have a big guy fight while I go rescue, Dan. Okay?”
Sarge puffed out his lower lip. “But I didn’t even get to tell you about the best part…”
“Tell me later!” Pinkie cried as she bounded off. “I need to deliver this chainsaw into a wolf-man’s chest cavity!”
“Oh… alright…” Sarge said in a disappointed tone.
The man in black threw a glance at Pinkie as she ran off, then turned towards Sarge.
Sarge just stared back at him. “So uh… do we gotta fight, or what?”
The large man nodded. “Yeah, you ain’t supposed to be here.”
Sarge frowned. “Alright, but… I have you at a severe disadvantage.”
The large man cocked an eyebrow. “Seriously? You have one arm in a cast and you’re all banged up.”
Sarge reached into his coat and pulled out a bell. “Yes, but I have this.”
The large man flicked his wrist and he was suddenly holding a wand. “Yeah, but I have this… It shoots lightning, real lightning.”
Sarge chuckled. “Well, if I intended to fight you myself, you’d probably win. With a broken wing and me all busted up like this, I’m not quite up for bell-to-wand combat at the moment.” Sarge held his bell downward and gave it a few rings. “But I guess I at least get to show you the best part of my night.”
The large man rolled his eyes. “Someone dropped a twenty in your donation bucket?”
‘Thom!’
‘Thom!’
‘THOM!’
‘THOM!’
The large man paused and looked down as the ground shook in rhythm to a stomping sound.
‘THOM!’
‘THOM!’
A sound that was getting closer and closer.
The large man’s eyes went wide as the stomping stopped. He swallowed as he felt heavy breathing on his back. He turned and was suddenly face to snout with a big green tyrannosaurus-rex.
‘ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!’
“AAAAAAAAA!” The large man screamed before he turned and broke into a sprint.
‘THOM!’
‘THOM!’
Tyra bounded off after him, a hungry look on her face.
Sarge raised put his bell back in his tattered jacket and raised a hand up to his mouth to try to amplify his voice. “No, the best part of the night is that I tamed a dinosaur!”
-ooo-
Pinkie slipped Elise’s device into her pink handbag as she stared at the door in front of her. “Welp… this is it.”
“Meow,” Mr. Mumbles replied.
Pinkie bent down, lowered her chainsaw case, and extended her other arm to the ground. “You might want to get off for a second… this could get bumpy otherwise.”
Mr. Mumbles complied, bounding down Pinkie’s arm and onto the ground. She looked up and wagged her tail back and forth as Pinkie took a few steps back from the door.
Pinkie shifted her body so her shoulder was now facing the door. She then shifted her weight back, then forward quickly.
‘CRUNCH!’
The door’s hinges gave way as a pink blur smashed into it. It fell forward with a ‘THUD!’ into the dark warehouse as Pinkie bent down to retrieve her chainsaw case.
Pinkie walked on top of the fallen door, Mr. Mumbles bounding behind her. Pinkie’s eyes caught a single light illuminating an empty patch of concrete. Aside from this and large windows that lined the top of the warehouse, the rest was darkness.
“… That door wasn’t locked or anything… but that was a nice entrance…” a masculine voice called out from the darkness.
Pinkie scowled past the single light source. “SHUT UP! I’ve had to deal with just so much obnoxious interruptions tonight! I’m not putting up your sarcasm!”
Dan* chuckled as he stepped into the light, once again clothed in his blue shirt, tie, and jeans. “Alright, I suppose I have done a good job of making sure things were as difficult for you as possible.”
“Hey!” Pinkie said. “How come you aren’t all fuzzy and growly and stuff?”
Dan* pointed up towards a large window in the warehouse.
Pinkie looked out, noticing a bright patch of clouds.
“The moon’s a little covered at the moment,” Dan* said. “Don’t worry though, just a few minutes and we can have the big showdown you’ve been waiting for… if you live that long, of course.”
“Can you just stop being cryptic and show me what you’re talking about?! I just want to murder you, rescue my boyfriend, and then lock ourselves alone in our bedroom for like… an entire day.”
“Meow!” Mr. Mumbles said in protest.
Pinkie glared down at the grey cat by her feet. “Oh whatever! You’ll have the TV all to yourself! What do you care?” She looked back up at Dan*. “Seriously! Just show me what stupid thing is supposed to be my doom so I can rip it to shreds before I rip you to shreds.”
Dan* motioned with a hand. “Well… since you asked nicely…”
Another light flickered on. Sunset Shimmer and Helen stood in front of a dangling Dan, who continued to hang from shackles bolted to the wall behind him.
Helen held up a katana menacingly. “Hello again, pink-haired girl.” She pointed her katana out at Pinkie. “You and I have unfinished business.”
Sunset held a baton in front of her. “And I guess… I’m going to hit you in the shins for the whole trophy and leaving me to die of hypothermia thing…”
“Dan!” Pinkie cried out.
“Hey!” Helen protested. “I’m literally here to kill you! Pay attention to me!”
Sunset raised a palm to her face. “She just found her boyfriend alive and relatively well, you idiot! Of course she doesn’t give a lamb you’re here!”
Dan looked up with an unusually happy expression. “Hey, Goofball!”
“Hey, Dan!” Pinkie said in chipper tone as she waved. “I’m going to murder the heck out of this guy who looks like you and then you and I are going to have mad smoochies!”
Dan grinned. “You’re the best girlfriend ever…”
Pinkie giggled to herself. “Hehehe… Yeah… I know…”
“I’d help,” Dan said. “But I think I’m pumped full of morphine at the moment… Magic power fist isn’t working so good…”
“That’s okay!” Pinkie said. “I’m ticked off enough for the both of us!” With that, Pinkie quickly opened the clasps on her chainsaw case allowing it to fall to the ground. She quickly raised her red chainsaw to her face, gripped the starter in her teeth, and yanked her head back as she pulled the chainsaw forward.
The chainsaw roared to life.
‘BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrNnnNNNnNNNN!’
Sunset’s eyes went wide. “I’m out!” she announced as she dropped her baton and held her hands up in front of her.
The baton clattered on the ground below.
“What?!” Helen cried. “You coward!”
Sunset just rolled her eyes.
“Just like that, huh?” Dan* asked.
Sunset nodded at Dan*. “I just brought a police baton to a chain-saw fight! I think I’m just going to leave and hope I’m squarezees with these two…”
Pinkie looked at Sunset in disbelief. “… Really? You don’t want have some epic showdown with me?”
“Shell no!” Sunset cried. “I can’t even begin to tell you how pupping tired I am of this whole thing! I just want to go home, take a nice relaxing bath, and unwind.” She pursed her lips slightly. “Why? You’re not disappointed I don’t want to fight, are you?”
Pinkie waved a hand about. “No, no, no! By all means! Leave! You’re just the first person today to cut me a break in all this.”
Sunset waved as she walked off towards a door with an illuminated red exit sign above it. “Well, I’ve done enough damage over a silly trophy, a boyfriend who hated me, and almost dying…” She glanced over her shoulder at Dan*. “Hey, if you’re not completely murdered by the end of this, give me a call, alright?”
Dan* smiled as he raised a hand, curling his index, middle, and ring finger as he extended his thumb and pinkie into something vaguely phone-shaped he brought up to his mouth and ear. “Will do.”
Sunset Shimmer walked towards the exit, opened the door, and stepped out into the night.
The door closed behind her.
Pinkie turned towards Dan. “Alright… Is it just me, or does she have ketchup-and-mustard hair?”
Dan smiled. “I said the exact same thing a while ago!”
Pinkie giggled. “Hehehe… I know, right! I just want to take a corndog and dip it in her hair!”
“HEY!” Helen cried as she brandished her sword. “Condiment hair may not want a piece of you, but I’m finally going to have my revenge!”
“Right! Brutal murder!” Pinkie said as she began walking up to Helen. “I’ll get right on that…”
Helen raised her sword. “Oh, you’ll be on it alright.”
-o-
Sunset Shimmer walked briskly past warehouses and light poles, not even bothering to pause as the sound of a chainsaw engine from the warehouse behind her came to life. This was soon followed by the sound of a window breaking and a woman’s scream that seemed to get closer and closer.
Sunset looked behind her, and casually stepped to her side as the spot she was standing on just moments before brought a quick end to someone’s short flight from the warehouse.
Sunset leaned down and smiled at the woman lying in a broken, bloody heap on the concrete. “Why Helen, would you like a ride to the hospital?”
Helen moaned and opened her eyes. “… Yes, please…” she replied.
Sunset nodded. “Alright, but if you bleed on my seats, you’re paying to have them reupholstered.”
Sunset Shimmer grabbed Helen’s hand and began dragging her away down the long line of warehouses.