Rainbow remembered being nervous—it was, despite her outward appearance and her best attempts to maintain a cool and calm image to the public, one of the greatest constants in her life. She remembered the feeling she had right before the Best Young Flyer competition, and the crippling fear of failure that had so many times gotten the better of her, had reduced her to little more than a sobbing wreck on the ground, or a nervous little filly staring at everything as if she was afraid the very clouds would come to life and gobble her up.
Tonight, Rainbow felt all of the nerves she had ever felt pale in comparison to her fear, her worry and her distress. This was the night she had been waiting for for a month, now, the night when everything she had been dreaming of would either be crushed or realised, and Rainbow was no longer entirely sure that she really wanted to know which it would be.
She stood on the porch of the library, her hoof raised. She had been standing like that for what seemed like a minute, now, and Rainbow was still incapable of lowering her hoof, whether it be to knock or to give up and go home. Both options frightened her, and Rainbow was completely unsure what she should do now.
What do you do when your only options are both terrifying?
Rainbow swallowed, taking deep, uneven breaths in a failed attempt to calm her nerves. Of course it wasn’t working—it never worked, because some things were just facts of life and one of these was that Rainbow Dash was not good at dealing with fear. If she had one thing she hated about herself, it was that.
She had thought she had made up her mind (although she had already thought that twenty times that evening, and look where that had got her!) and tried to move her hoof down. Just as she began to do so, her eyes closed from fear, she heard the gentle tingling sound of light bells and was surprised to find her hoof made no contact with wood. Instead, she felt her hoof glance off a soft, sharp surface and opened her eyes to see Twilight standing in the doorway, her eyes wide and her mouth twisted in a little expression of pain and surprise. Rainbow felt her eyes shoot wide open, and she started to talk before she could even begin to think.
“Oh my gosh Twilight I’m so sorry I didn’t realise you were opening the door I was just getting so afraid of knocking that I had to close my eyes to do it and oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh I am so, so sorry I’m not supposed to hit you—”
“Rainbow Dash?” Twilight asked, cutting Rainbow’s rambling off, her brows furrowing in question. “What are you doing here? And why are you so afraid to just knock on my door? You know it’s a library and the door is unlocked most of the day, right?”
Rainbow swallowed.
“I, uh, yeah,” she said, confidently. “I knew that.”
“So what’s got you so worked up?” Twilight asked, smiling at her, but continued speaking just as she tried to open her mouth to reply. “And don’t try to apologise for hitting me. It was an honest mistake; I know you’d never do that on purpose.”
Rainbow closed her mouth again, her words taken away from her. She tried to reformulate her thoughts, keeping her mouth shut to stop it from saying anything before she was ready to. She wasn’t going to blunder into this like she had with Applejack, all those years ago—though it was nice to know a friendship could heal after that kind of rejection (and Rainbow wasn’t entirely sure it would have were it not for the Elements of Harmony) Rainbow wasn’t entirely sure she could deal with the few months of awkward glances and uncertainty that would undoubtedly follow if she messed this up. Tonight, she had to get things just right.
“Rainbow?” Twilight said, tapping her hoof against the floor. “I was actually trying to go somewhere when I opened this door, you know.”
Rainbow’s eyes opened wide in panic. She couldn’t let Twilight go away tonight! She had spent so long trying to get everything perfectly arranged.
“Oh?” Rainbow replied, casually. “Where are you going to?”
Smooth and simple. Easy. Her eyes weren’t still wide, she was sure, and her momentary expression of panic couldn’t have been noticed by Twilight. She was definitely not still panicking; she slid herself gently to one side, allowing Twilight room to push past her (and she definitely didn’t deliberately leave just too little space for Twilight to avoid rubbing against her on the way out, because she wasn’t that desperate to feel the warmth of Twilight’s coat against hers, the soft texture of her fur rubbing against her sides.)
“I was heading out to Sugarcube Corner, actually,” Twilight said. “I’ve spent all day studying and I really felt like getting a sundae. Would you like to join me?”
“Oh,” Rainbow said, her voice not dropping in disappointment. “Yeah, that would be nice, I guess. I mean, I was coming over here because I’d wanted to see if you’d like to go for a picnic, but Sugarcube Corner is good, too.”
“A picnic?” Twilight asked, confused. “Rainbow, you’re being almost as random as Pinkie Pie.”
“Well, you know me,” Rainbow said with a chuckle. “I’m always spontaneous!” There was something missing from her voice, Rainbow Dash knew, but she couldn’t quite put her hoof on it. Even in her head, she didn’t quite sound like herself—she sounded like a nervous, scared little filly and Rainbow didn’t like that one bit.
Twilight hummed for a moment, thinking. “You know, I haven’t been on a picnic since we had that one before Shining and Cadance’s wedding,” she mused. “It sounds like a lovely idea!”
Rainbow couldn’t stop the huge grin that broke out across her features, although she knew it was totally uncool. For Celestia’s sake, she was supposed to be playing it cool tonight, being smooth and casual and friendly, not messing up and beaming at even the prospect of having a picnic with Twi! It felt like she was a schoolfilly again, asking Gilda out for their first date—trying to act cool and failing miserably.
“Are we meeting the other girls somewhere?”
And just like that, there went her grin. Rainbow scolded herself mentally, wincing at the harsh words she thought; she was being stupid! Twilight had no way to know that she was trying to invite her on a date, what subtext could she possibly pick that up from? Twi may have been a genius, but she wasn’t smart enough to work things out with no clues whatsoever to go on.
“I was, uh,” Rainbow said, her sentence cut off by racking coughs. She spluttered for a moment, breathing deeply and slowly to calm herself down as Twilight watched on with wide, concerned eyes. Way to go, Dash, way to go.
“I was hoping we could just hang out together,” Rainbow said. It was more a question than a statement, though she tried not to phrase it like one; she had to sound confident. “I packed some Daring Do books—I thought it might be nice to just sit and read, or chat over dinner or something.”
“Aw, Rainbow,” Twilight said, sticking her tongue out in jest, “that’s so sweet of you.” She batted her eyelids suggestively at Rainbow Dash and Rainbow had to keep her heart in check as it fluttered like a butterfly in her chest, light and fast and almost chaotic. It was only a joke, she shouldn’t overreact to it.
She maintained her composure just enough to wink playfully back at Twilight, who laughed and grinned at her. Rainbow grinned back, wide and unrestrained and she wasn’t entirely sure she wasn’t blushing.
“Okay, Rainbow Dash,” Twilight said, smiling brightly. “A picnic it is. Where are you taking me?” Twilight chuckled, almost nervously, to herself, before adding, “You know, it almost does sound like a date when I say that.”
“Would you care to accompany me to the top of yonder hill, fair maiden?” Rainbow asked, bowing deeply before Twilight, mostly just to hide her burning face. This was not how it was meant to go, and Rainbow was having difficulty thinking how she could possibly get the evening back on track after this.
Twilight giggled and swatted playfully at Dash’s head, the latter rising from her bow and trying her best to grin cheekily.
“You know,” Twilight said, “for such a ‘cool’ and ‘awesome’ pony, you can be a bit of a dork sometimes.” Rainbow opened her mouth wide in mock indignation, holding her hoof to her chest as if she had been injured.
“You wound me, madame,” she said, doing her best impression of Rarity in her ‘woe is me’ mood. “My reputation lies in shatters! However shall I survive this ordeal?” Twilight rolled her eyes and shook her head.
“Hey,” she said softly, “I’m a dork. I thought you made a pretty cute dork.”
Rainbow completely failed to hide her blush, she was so stopped in her tracks by that statement. Twilight laughed once more. “Wow, Rainbow Dash,” she said, “you’re really easy tonight. It’s like you’re just setting yourself up for these.”
Rainbow muttered darkly to herself—mostly nonsense syllables, if she was honest. It was more for the effect than anything else. She made sure the word ‘easy’ was audible, though, as if she resented the implication Twilight had made. The unicorn frowned for a second before blushing deeply herself, her eyes wide.
“No, I didn’t mean—” she began, before noticing the mischievous glint in Rainbow’s eye. “Oh, har har,” she said, her voice flat. “Very funny. Shall we just get going?”
Rainbow snorted and nodded, turning towards the hill in the distance, just outside Ponyville. Twilight soon fell into step beside her as they walked, their hoofsteps matching up stride for stride. They walked in silence for a little while, each thinking about the exchange they had just had.
After a few minutes, just as they passed the last houses at the edge of Ponyville, Twilight spoke up.
“Hey, Rainbow?” she asked. “Not to be nosy or anything, but since when did you walk this kind of journey?”
Rainbow frowned. “Are you saying I can’t walk?” she asked. “You do remember the Running of the Leaves, right?”
“All I really remember is beating you in a race,” Twilight said, smirking. Rainbow glared at her and she dropped the smirk, grimacing in apology—clearly this was still a sore spot or, at the very least, Rainbow’s particularly tense mind was thinking of it as one, even if it hadn’t been in a long while.
“Sorry,” Rainbow said after a while. “You were having a bit of fun and I reacted like a jerk—actually, that goes for after the Running of the Leaves, too. I was really mean to you that day.”
“No you weren’t,” Twilight said, confused. “I just remember you being surprised that I beat you, which is how anypony should react—”
“Really Twi?” Rainbow asked, raising an eyebrow. “You’re the expert on friendship—do you really think a good friend should react with shock and surprise rather than congratulating their friend on an amazing achievement? I mean, hay, you placed in that race; that’s really impressive for a first-timer.”
“Thanks,” Twilight said, quietly, “but I still think you reacted normally.” Twilight sighed, turning to look at Rainbow as they walked, her eyes only occasionally glancing ahead at the hoof-worn path. “If I’ve learned one thing about friendship, it’s that it never works if you keep expecting everypony to be perfect all the time. Nopony’s perfect, Rainbow Dash, and nopony should be expected to be something they’re not.”
Rainbow opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again. Twilight had a point—Rainbow remembered the days of her youth, when she had first performed the Sonic Rainboom. Everypony had always expected so much of her, for her to be always the very best and never make mistakes, because if she made a single mistake she had clearly been lying and if she got it all right then it was just what was expected of her.
It was a mentality that had carried through into her adult life, the idea that she would have to always get things perfect and be the very best she could be because otherwise nopony could trust her or believe her. Every experience she had ever had before Twilight had arrived in her life had shown her that being perfect was the only way to be, that if she couldn’t clear the skies in ten seconds flat, if she couldn’t keep her promises and be dependable and loyal, then everything she had ever achieved was worthless, or forgotten.
That was the life of the filly in the spotlight, and around Twilight she didn’t have to be that.
It seemed off, really, that it was on the way up the hill she had spent weeks planning to ask Twilight out on that she truly realised how much Twilight meant to her. In fact, the entire situation seemed so utterly absurd that, before she even knew it, Rainbow Dash was laughing as she walked, her eyes squeezed tight shut and her pace slowed to make up for the spasms that shook through her body.
How stupid did she have to be to only realise this now?
She didn’t care that Twilight was giving her the strangest look, or that she’d practically stopped still in the middle of the hoofpath, of that she looked totally not cool right now. Rainbow Dash just laughed, and it was a while before she could stop.
“Are you going to tell me what’s so funny?” Twilight asked once her raucous laughter had finally died down, her tone unimpressed. Rainbow grimaced, surprised to find herself almost self-conscious; but then, lately she’d been feeling quite self-conscious around Twilight. Rainbow blamed it on the crush.
“I’m an idiot, Twilight,” Rainbow said with a smile, reaching forward and placing a hoof on Twilight’s muzzle when the mare looked like she was about to respond. “Don’t. You have no idea how stupid I’ve been. And trust me, it’s funny.”
“How have you been an idiot, then?” Twilight said as her magic pushed Rainbow’s hoof from her lips, and Rainbow couldn’t quite drag her thoughts away from the sensation of Twilight’s lips on her hoof that lingered still. It was—almost—a kiss.
“It’s nothing important,” Rainbow said, shaking her head, her hoof held just slightly above the ground. She flapped her wings, and gently hovered by Twilight’s side. “Picnic?”
“Picnic.”
The two mares continued on in silence, one walking, one flying, until they reached the top of the hill where Rainbow had laid out a picnic blanket and basket hours before. Twilight was looking at the spread with a mixture of surprise and bemusement, her face twisting and scrunching up just that fraction that showed she was really paying attention. She walked over the the blanket, smiling slowly, and Rainbow Dash found herself just watching Twilight walk, paying almost as much attention to the swaying of her hips as Twilight was to the blanket. She hovered in the air for a moment, letting her eyes wander over the
“Hey, Rainbow?”
The scenery. There were a lot of interesting trees around the clearing, of course, and Rainbow had been looking at them, and that was why she was only turning her head to face them now, as Twilight’s own head turned. The warmth on her cheeks was due to the sun, of course, because she’d just turned her head out of the shadow to face Twilight again.
“Why are we up here?”
Rainbow bit her lip, dropping to the ground and walking slowly over the the blanket, taking a seat on the far side from Twilight. She watched Twilight out of the corner of her eye, her own gaze drifting over the horizon until it settled on the distant mountain-city of Canterlot, barely visible against the shadow of the mountain for now, but Rainbow knew that at night the city would light up like a firefly. She stared at it for a long time before she even considered replying—to her relief, it seemed Twilight was more than happy to just wait for an answer.
What did she say? It wasn’t as if she could just up and ask Twilight out now—the entire idea was to butter her up with the sandwiches, which Rainbow admitted was a plan born mostly out of Pinkie Pie’s love of a good pun than any serious thought. At the very least, Rainbow had wanted to spend some time just chatting with Twilight first…
But then, this entire evening had rather gone a little unlike how she had planned. Rainbow considered for a moment when it had started to go wrong—for a little while she thought it might have been when she had accidentally struck Twilight (and the very memory of that moment almost made her wince, the pain Twilight had felt most likely nothing compared to the pain she felt at hurting her) but eventually Rainbow settled on the moment she had arrived at the library door and found herself unable to knock. That, really, was the point at which the evening had started to change quite drastically from what she had intended, and was there really much of a point in trying to follow tracks long abandoned?
Twilight seemed to get bored of waiting after a little while, turning to the basket and peeking inside. Rainbow chuckled gently to herself, nodding as Twilight looked up with pleading eyes; soon, the entire basket’s contents were laid out carefully over the blanket, around and between them. It wasn’t long before an unspoken agreement passed between the two and they were eating, just enjoying the view of the colours of dusk bathing the sky.
Rainbow wanted to start a conversation—the air felt heavy and empty between them, and something was missing—but she knew that she couldn’t without answering Twilight’s question. To simply ignore it would be rude and mean of her.
“I, uh—” Rainbow paused, clearing her throat and grimacing slightly under Twilight’s watchful gaze. She began again. “I guess I just wanted to spend some time with you. I mean, we spend a lot of time together anyways, but I thought it would be nice to… well, you know. Just you.” Rainbow bit her lip, looking back towards Canterlot. “Without the others,” she added, just in case. She looked at Twilight out of the corner of her eye, and could see the mare smiling nervously.
She almost snorted at that, but held it back. What was Twilight nervous about? She hadn’t spent all week trying to plan a romantic evening for two, then watched it all fall to pieces.
“That’s a lovely thought, Rainbow.” Twilight’s voice was a gentle breeze on a late Summer evening, wafting towards Rainbow with a lazy kind of calmness; it took Rainbow almost a second to realise it was there, but she absolutely welcomed its presence. The silence and the heat had been getting to her more than she had thought.
“Thanks,” Rainbow said. “I mean, I don’t get to spend an awful lot of time with just you, and I think it’s just a shame. I don’t have anypony else I can talk to about reading, y’know?”
“I’m sure Fluttershy would love—”
Rainbow snorted, almost derisively. She shook her head slowly.
“Please, Twilight,” she said. “Don’t ever suggest I talk about books with Rarity and Fluttershy. Have you seen the kinds of things they read? It’s always those boring little novels about the hunky stallion on the beach, or the forbidden romance between the prince and the lowly mare. They don’t understand Daring.”
“You’d be surprised,” Twilight replied. “Fluttershy has read most of the Daring Do books, you know? I think she finds them a little frightening, but she once told me that she likes the opportunity to be scared in a way that makes her feel safe. It’s one of the things I’ve always liked about books, too,” Twilight added, almost as an afterthought, her gaze drifting towards Canterlot on the horizon, now a shining orb of light just above their eye level.
“What do you mean?” Rainbow asked. A part of her brain was telling her that the idea was just stupid (what was the point in seeking out a “safe” kind of scare? Being scared was all about the thrill of the danger) but the rest of her was very quickly telling it to shut up. It was one of those little things Rainbow was only just starting to notice about being around Twilight.
“A long time ago, Pinkie told me that sometimes it’s fun to be scared,” Twilight said thoughtfully, “and I realised that she was completely correct. Being scared is fun and exciting; I’ve read a few papers on how it affects our minds, how it fills our bodies with adrenaline and makes our hearts beat faster. It’s why so many pegasi love doing all the crazy, daredevil stunts that you spend your afternoons practicing.” Twilight shot Rainbow a grin, and she bowed her head in acknowledgement.
“But not all of us love actually being in danger, you know? Before I came to Ponyville, I’d spent almost my whole life in libraries and surrounded by books; I was so tucked away behind my reading that I never really gave the outside world any thought, but I knew that I did not want to really go to any of the frightening places I’d read about. The only reason I dive headfirst into danger these days is to keep you girls all safe.
“I can understand why somepony wouldn’t want to go and put themselves into a real-world, dangerous situation because it’s not something I’ve ever really wanted to do. I mean, I still find it thrilling and exciting, but I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think I had to. Imagine how a pony like Fluttershy would feel? Remember all that time ago, when we went to deal with the dragon?” Rainbow nodded. She didn’t really understand why anypony wouldn’t want to seek out the challenges and thrills in life, but she’d known Fluttershy long enough to know that there were ponies like that.
“I can understand why Fluttershy would like Daring Do, precisely because she was so frightened of that dragon,” Twilight said, and despite being pretty sure that it made no sense Rainbow absolutely understood what Twilight was saying. That, she considered, was not an altogether common experience.
“I think I get it,” Rainbow said, nodding slowly, “though I’m going to be honest, it’s kinda weird.” Twilight laughed at that, loud and clear, and Rainbow just smiled at the sight of her friend, her head thrown backwards and caution thrown to the wind, her face lit up with joy and humour.
She could feel her heart beating in her chest all too quickly, the loud and thunderous thumping that threatened to make her whole body shake and spasm with its force. She didn’t want to glance down at her chest, because she was sure she would be able to see her coat moving in and out with each beat.
“Hey, Twi?” she asked, nervously. No, she shouldn’t be nervous. She had to be cool. Twilight wouldn’t want to go out with somepony who was stammering and awkward.
Twilight hummed in acknowledgement, turning to face Rainbow with a kind of content curiosity on her face. “What is it, Rainbow Dash?”
Rainbow closed her eyes. Closing her eyes seemed to help her do frightening things, today.
“I didn’t just ask you to come up here because I wanted to spend more time with you,” she admitted, almost rushing the words out. She didn’t dare open her eyes. The darkness was much more comfortable than the judging, watchful glare of her friend. “I wanted to ask you something—and, geez, Twi, if you think facing a dragon or standing up to Nightmare Moon is frightening, you should try this some time.” She chuckled, and could almost hear Twilight’s eyebrows raise in confusion; she could certainly see it in her mind’s eye. Her breath was shaking as she waited for Twilight to respond.
“What do you mean?”
It was now or never. Rainbow swallowed and, squeezing her eyes tight shut for just a fraction of a second more to comfort herself, opened her eyes and stared straight into Twilight’s.
“Twilight Sparkle,” she said, slowly and deliberately, “would you like to go out for dinner with me?”
Twilight’s eyes grew wide, but Rainbow Dash refused to look away, standing her ground. She wouldn’t curl up into a ball, or fly fast away from the hilltop, no matter how much she told herself she should. She watched as Twilight’s breaths quickened, her lips quivering in what looked like shock.
“A-as in…”
“A date, yeah,” Rainbow added lamely, her own lips stretching into a nervous grimace, her teeth clamping down on her lower lip gently. “I-it’s fine if you don—”
“Why?” Twilight asked quietly, and Rainbow’s expression switched to confusion. Her fears lingered, but she was too shocked to think on them. This was absolutely not how this was supposed to go. “Why me?”
She licked her lips. She couldn’t just dive headfirst into this answer; Twilight deserved to hear what she truly thought. This was the one time she couldn’t just say what was on her mind, no matter how much she wanted to just smoothly answer ‘because you’re hot’. Now wasn’t the time for pretending to be somepony she wasn’t.
In fact, that was really why she was asking in the first place, wasn’t it?
“Twilight,” she said, shaking her head, “you are one of my best friends, and believe me I wouldn’t want to risk our friendship by dropping this on you if I didn’t really think you were something special. And you are; you’re gorgeous, you’re smart, you’re brave and strong and willing to do just about anything to protect the ponies you love.
“But if that were all I probably wouldn’t be here right now,” Rainbow said, cutting Twilight off before she could interrupt and dispute her points. “Because frankly I’ve met plenty of ponies who fill those criteria—and, yeah, I’ve dated a fair few of them. With you, though, there’s more. You’re the pony who convinced me that reading wasn’t just for eggheads, and without you I don’t think I’d ever have found Daring Do, and now I can’t even imagine my life without it.
“Without you, I’d never had realised I can just be who I am without worrying about whether everypony thinks I’m cool,” Rainbow said. Twilight’s eyes were wide as saucers now, and Rainbow could see that, though her lips were no longer quivering, her breath was shaky. “Around you, I don’t have to pretend, and that’s something that I haven’t been able to do since I was a filly. Around you, I can stop caring about my image, about my reputation, and just be me.
“Every time I see you, Twi, I get nervous and start thinking. I don’t just blaze in impulsively, just doing whatever seems cool at the time—the last few months, I’ve actually planned stuff, like, days in advance. Every time I look at you I see somepony who doesn’t care if I’m cool or not, who just likes me for who I am.”
Rainbow took a deep breath, and gave Twilight a weak smile. “I think that you’re probably the best thing that ever happened to me, Twilight Sparkle. Meeting you has changed my life, getting to know you and the girls has made me truly appreciate the ponies around me… but you? You are the pony who makes me better. I like being able to be me. It’s like you were saying earlier—I don’t have to be perfect, Twi, and everypony else seems to expect that of me, even me.”
“Rainbow,” Twilight said softly as she trailed off, unable to add anything more to what she had said, “I… you think I’m gorgeous?”
Rainbow almost laughed out loud, the tension was almost too much to bear. “Yeah, egghead, I think you’re gorgeous. I’d say ‘pretty’ or ‘beautiful’ but I don’t want to sound like something out of Rarity’s cheap novels, and I’d say ‘sexy’ but I don’t want to scare you off.”
“B-but… I thought you were…”
“Straight?” Rainbow guessed, raising an eyebrow. Twilight nodded, swallowing in shock, and Rainbow sighed. “Twi, Applejack and I dated a few years back. Basically the entire town knows I’m into mares. Where the hell did you get that impression?”
“I dunno,” Twilight mumbled. “I guess I just didn’t want to let myself think…” Her voice trailed off. Rainbow leaned closer, but couldn’t quite hear what Twilight was saying. She raised a hoof to her ear, and Twilight sighed in resignation. “I didn’t want to let myself fall into the trap of thinking you might like me,” she said, her eyes fixed on the ground.
Rainbow stared.
For the first time that evening, a weight lifted from her shoulders, tentatively. She didn’t want to believe what she had just heard—she wanted to be absolutely sure before she allowed herself to think that her worries, her nerves, might all have been worth something, but she couldn’t unhear the words that had floated quietly into her ears.
“How long?” she whispered, her voice cracking and shuddering. Twilight bit her lips, her eyes closing.
“My first day in Ponyville,” she answered. “I mean, it was just a crush then, but…”
“Then?”
“Well,” Twilight answered with a grimace, “we’ve grown a bit closer since then. I guess I’d have to say it’s been a bit more than a passing crush for a little while now…” Twilight’s voice trailed off, and she chuckled lowly, almost bitterly. “I didn’t want to let myself get hurt, so I just assumed…”
“So, uh…” Rainbow began, nervously. “Is that a yes?”
Twilight looked up, smiling gently to herself. Rainbow was almost surprised how small the distance between them was, now, but found herself even more surprised when Twilight closed that gap and pressed her lips softly against Rainbow’s.
It was the briefest of kisses, little more than a peck, but in that one moment Rainbow felt all her anxieties and all her fears slip away. The world around her, the deep red sunset and the glimmering city of Canterlot in the distance, faded away as Rainbow could focus on nothing but the sensation of Twilight’s lips pressed gently on hers, the warmth of the unicorn’s flesh and the dampness of her breath.
In that moment Rainbow couldn’t think of a better way to be told ‘yes’.