//------------------------------//
// Episode 10: Christmayhem- Dan Vs. Christmas in Equestria 
// Story: Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship(Season 1) 
// by Barrobroadcaster 
//------------------------------//

Somewhere in the humble, picturesque town of Hohman, Indiana...

"Ralphie! Turn that thing down, you're going to wake the neighbors!"

My mother said that about everything in the house. The television set, the radio, the stove, the fridge, light switches, if it could make noise and it was on for too long, mom was sure it would disturb our neighbors. 

"RALPHIE!" 

"All right, mom," I conceded and lowered the volume, but I couldn't lower my excitement. Our first color television set was the most expensive and coveted thing in the house. Every weekday, I'd only have a scant and sacred half hour with the mystical device after school before the old man came home and dominated our living room once again. Luckily, my kid brother and mom hadn't yet discovered the powers of the box and concerned themselves with other trivial matters like trading cards or cooking dinner.

This year, unlike last year and the year before, a precedent had been broken. For one December in my life, I actually didn't know what I wanted for Christmas this year. I was desperate to watch television, read magazines, do anything to give me some kind of idea for a Christmas present that wasn't a football. You'd think they'd have gotten the message after last year.

"You wanna give me a hand in the kitchen?"

Oh no. There it was: the 'request' I dreaded the most. Mom's voice calling out of our kitchen might as well have been an air raid alarm. I pressed my back against the recliner, tried to get as low and as quiet as possible. Maybe, if she thought I'd gone upstairs, she'd give up on trying to recruit me for Operation: Supper.

"Ralphie? I know you're there, young man!"

Of course, she probably had a listening post nearby. Spies were everywhere, these days. "In a minute, mom," I groaned a response. Telling her outright 'no' would ensure I'd receive soap as an appetizer before a meal. 

*Crang! Hrrrnnng! *Arf-arf-ARF-worf-arf-arf*

"Ohp, looks like your father's home."

And then, the bombs dropped. Dad must've gotten off early meaning my time with the sacred t.v would be ending shortly.

"Mangy, disgusting inbreds! Get out, get out the lot a' ya!" Dad shouted at the Bumpass' dogs as he entered. Like a knight storming a castle, the old man had to fight his way inside through our neighbor's hounds before he could get inside. "Every year, Bumpass! Next Christmas, I'm sending animal control down your chimney!"

Inevitably, one of the dogs would get stuck when dad slammed the door. "I'm cutting it off next time, fleabag!"

I was facing threats from both sides. Mom in the kitchen, desperate to enlist me to help her with one trivial matter while the old man had just arrived to reclaim his throne. I could barely fight one of them off in secret but two? No... but I couldn't leave my post! Not when at any second, I could receive intelligence on a crucial gift of some kind! Or it could be another cartoon.

"So, what's the gang up to, today?"

I could practically here mom's footsteps from the kitchen. They met by the door, only seconds until they conspired to end my plans.

"I was just asking Ralphie to help me in the kitchen."

This was it. The united parental front was about to oust me from my seat of power.

"Hey, what's going on with the television?" Dad asked. In the grips of my fear, I hadn't realized the screen had cut out!

"Ralphie, what did you do?"

My heart began to race. "Nothing! I just turned it down and then-"

I turned back around to see the screen had changed again. This time, it was on some kind of cartoon but not like any I'd ever seen before. Unlike any anyone had seen before. At least, in the sixties.

"What's that you're watching?" Dad asked.

"Oh, it's my new favorite show! It's, uh.... it's....." What was the name? What was it called? Why hadn't DVR been invented yet?! "It's..." I saw it! At the edge of my seat, I read the title as fast as I could. "It's Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!"

"Oh!" Dad nodded, ever the understanding father. "Looks like a lot of fun. I'll help your mother in the kitchen; you can have the t.v. So, what are we having tonight?"

Saved! I'd been saved! I had no idea what kind of glitch in our television had caused it to happen but whatever it was, I was sure it had been a miracle. I may not have heard about it before, but it was definitely my favorite show now.

"We'll be right back to Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship after these messages..."

"Great," Of course, it goes straight to commercial break. And of course, dad noticed.

"Ah, it's all right, son. You know those Christmas specials always have tons of commercials."

"Thanks for the reminder, dad." And with that, I slumped back in the chair and turned up the volume again. Some time to just relax and enjoy a Christmas special might've just been gift enough.





One day,
You wake up to find~
Nothing
In your whole life is right!
Feels like
You've gone completely blind
But somehow, you can still see the light~

You can show any rule
You're not scared to defy it
Show the world some healthy opposition
If there's something new, you're not afraid to try it
And you're free to make your own decisions
This is your life- no matter what others say~
Rise up! Stand strong and face the day!

So you're stuck
There's not much you can do
It's like
Everything's out to get you
But still
You can find a way to forge a new path and make your dreams come true!

You can show the whole world
You're not scared to believe it!
Stand tall and defend your position!
No matter how cold the truth is, you're not afraid to receive it!
And keep moving forward with your own mission!
This is your life- you've gotta live it your own way
Rise up! Stand strong and face the day!

It's tough to see what the truth really is
When all you've got is mixed messages
Seems like the problems that come around
Are setup just to keep you down
Nothing seems right!
And it's like your entire life's just plight after plight!
But no matter what the problem is or how long the struggle's length,
You can still find the courage to stand and find your inner strength~

You can show any rule
You're not scared to defy it!
Show the world some healthy opposition!
If there's something new, you're not afraid to try it!
Because you're free to make your own decisions!
This is our world! The game is on and we're gonna play!
Rise up! Merry Christmas and happy holidays!!





An icy and refreshing breeze blew through Ponyville, perfectly complimenting the winter landscape Equestria had taken on. Dan and the ponies disembarked their train at the Ponyville Train Station, having just returned from Canterlot.

"Thpppppppppppppp!" Fluffle Puff jumped off the platform and ran into the street. Next time, let's fly there!

Dan and the others followed her, allowing her to stretch her legs after the long train ride.

"I have to say," Chrys remarked, "that trip was a lot more relaxing than last time."

"Yeah," Dan agreed, sounding almost disappointed. "They could've at least giving us first-class seating, though."

"Awwwww," Pinkie noticed Dan's change in tone, "I think a certain upright mammal might actually enjoy a little bit of excitement."

"Excitement?!" Dan asked, back to his traditional voice, "you nearly killed all of us over cake! TWICE!"

Pinkie giggled. "I know! But wasn't it fun?"

"Arrrrrrrr," Dan groaned. The group was returning home from seeing and taking part in the annual reproduction of the Hearth's Warming Eve play, a presentation detailing the story of how Equestria was originally founded. As they had each year since Twilight moved to Ponyville, the ponies reprised their roles in the play but this year, there were a few more in their party. 

With all parts in the play cast, Fluffle Puff accepted a job providing(and consuming) refreshments while Chrys pulled the curtain. Dan donned his royal guard uniform and played the part of an usher. Over the course of the evening, he threw out two ponies for failing to cover their muzzles before sneezing, one mare on a hooves-free device and Prince Blueblood for being himself. They had all been let back in afterward though they were considerably quieter the rest of the performance. Which had been the point and Dan had been happy to exercise his authority for once.

Rainbow Dash, ever-hovering nearby, nudged Dan in the shoulder. "Yeah, not every mode of transportation is the same. You should let me fly you guys there next time; I'll show ya how to ride in style."

"Sure," Dan said sarcastically. "And I'll have Rarity design a classy parachute so when we go down in flames, I can bail out in style! How's that for twenty-percent cooler?!"

Rainbow smirked at Dan's comment. "Depends on if you stick the landing."

"Speakin' of fallin'," Applejack changed the subject, "snow sure is comin' down hard." The cowgirl tipped her Stetson skyward rather than pulling it down, a salute to the change in weather.

Rarity trotted up to Dan. "I could make you a parachute but perhaps we could start with some warmer clothes?"

Dan's demeanor instantly changed at the offer. "I'd appreciate that. Can you give me something in black, maybe with the word JERK imprinted in bold on the front?"

An awkward, forced-polite grin came over the fashion-minded mare's face as she realized Dan was simply describing what he was wearing now. Still, it was a request she could manage... she hoped. "I'll... see what I can do."

"Thank you," Dan replied. "Wasn't this cold when we left."

"I'll have to bundle up all my animals extra-warm tonight," Fluttershy remarked. "Barry needs his warm fuzzy mittens, and Hairy needs his long underwear, Maryjane will need her slippers, I'll have to get out Angelbunny's humidifier, the Cobra Commander needs his weather control device recalibrated..." the yellow Pegasus began a long list of various animals/plants/references of things she needed to prepare for the winter back at her cottage.

"The pegasi worked fast to roll out this winter," Twilight said, eyes skyward. A thick blanket of gray obscured the view of the sky as snowflakes fell. "The perfect opportunity to try out some new cold-weather magic. Looks like another chilly Hearth's Warming Eve."

"Hearth's Warming Eve?" Dan asked. "You mean the holiday the play was about? I thought it was today."

The purple mare shook her head. "No, it's in a couple weeks. We usually have it on the anniversary of the first Hearth's Warming but we had to up the schedule this year after the... well, the accident on the tracks," she confided.

"I can't wait for Hearth's Warming Eve!" Pinkie bounced. "We'll be singing all day, dancing and baking cookies and then the next day, singing, dancing and eating those cookies! Why don't we have it every week?!"

"And of course, there's the gift exchange," Rainbow added. "Pegasi dropping gifts all over Ponyville, Ponyville launching presents up to Cloudsdale, it's the best kind of weather there is!"

Dan looked over his shoulder at the mare. "You catapult crap into the sky and then drop stuff down on your neighbors? You call that a holiday?"

"We call it tradition, pardner," Applejack said.

"It's the spirit of the season, Dan," Twilight said, patting him on the back. "This is the time of year ponies come together to celebrate harmony, warm each others' hearts. Even the ponies that are normally on the cold side are usually warmer this time of year."

Dan had to admit she was right. Looking over his shoulder and past the mares, he could see Samule L. Jackson, the porter who tazed him, along with racist post office worker Sendback and even the solo traveler Ozzy Osbarn. All three of them were helping passengers disembark by carrying their luggage off the train, smiling and laughing. "You... may have a point. I guess this is a pretty nice time of year."

"And soon, there'll be all the singing! Caroling, going to each others' houses and making with the merriment and food! That's my favorite part!" Pinkie proclaimed.

Dan frowned at the idea. "An excuse for solicitors to try and sell us holiday garbage? I'm not having that. I was on board for shooting things skyward but ponies singing on our doorstep? I'll be setting the security system for "free target" tonight."

"Awww," Chrys whined. "But you like singing, Dan. You even sing with us a lot of times... or almost every episode."

Dan scowled. "That's when I'M doing the singing and NOT when strangers show up at my house to sell me insurance. You ponies can warm your little hearts out; wake me up when it's Christmas."

"Christmas?" Spike asked. "What's a 'Christmas'?"

"Ha," Dan chuckled. "Good one. Earth has its share of holidays before Christmas, too, just let me know when yours starts."

"Uh, Dan?" Chrys asked. The human walked off home, following a snow-covered Fluffle Puff.

Twilight walked up beside the changeling, both of them realizing the problem before them. "You want to tell him or should I?"

"I... I think we should both tell him," Twilight said. "Hey, Dan?" the pair broke into a gallop to follow him through the snow-filled street.




Dan tromped through the snow, somewhere in between Fluffle Puff rolling around ahead of him and the collection of ponies plus dragon following behind. The streets were busier than usual, even busier than they had been in previous holiday seasons. Dozens of ponies wrapped in winter hats and scarfs traveled in groups about the town, others decorated buildings in holiday furnishings as the snow continued to fall.

Despite the traffic, Dan was able to keep Fluffle in sight as they continued back to their home. The holiday season in Equestria wasn't any different from the one Dan knew of back on Earth; one of the happier things the two worlds shared. It was one of the few times a year differences and past problems were forgotten, temporarily resolved so that peace would reign for at least a few weeks. But unlike Earth, in Equestria, harmony continued all year round, disrupted only by the unpredictable.

It was a curious sort of phenomenon and not something the average pony or human would notice. When something disrupted what little harmony Earth had, it was managed quickly, handled and responded to swiftly because the disruption to harmony was incessant. In Equestria, when something disturbed the natural order, it took ponies more time to react and resolve. With Dan's help though and his insistence on enforcing safety, security and sanitation, ponies were rapidly learning how to respond to crisis. Especially when Dan WAS the crisis.

"That looked like the line for the raffle to me."

"No, no it wasn't. That wasn't the line for ANYTHING."

Dan looked up to see a pair of earth pony stallions walking his direction down the street. The two's arguing carried over the sounds of the towns ponies around them. He could also tell the pair weren't looking where they were going, busy arguing amongst themselves.

"Well, then where IS the line for the raffle?"

"For the last time, there isn't going to BE a line for the raffle because there IS NO RAFFLE!!"

"Hey!" Dan stopped both of them before they bumped into him. "What's the problem with you two? Why are you both yelling in the middle of the street?!" Dan yelled.

"Uh, sorry," Michael, the brown sunglasses-wearing stallion said.

"I'm sorry," Barro, the white stallion added his own apology.

Seeing them up close, Dan actually recognized them from his trip to Canterlot. "Wait a minute, you're those two guys who were in line at the Castle, aren't you?"

"Oh uh, yeah," Barro remembered. "That was us."

"Didn't we also see you at the post office?" Mike asked. "Or the line for the-"

"Don't," Barro stopped his friend. "THERE IS NO-"

"You're both still arguing about this?!" Dan shouted at the pair. Both ponies' heads dipped low, eyes to the ground. "It's been months since the anniversary! Why is this still a problem?!"

"My friend here purchased what he thought to be raffle tickets a while ago, spending a good portion of our money in the process and since then, he's been looking for the line to buy more," Barro explained.

"I'm gonnna win the CD player and the golf bag!" Michael exclaimed.

Dan's palm was two seconds from his face. "Well, he CLEARLY doesn't understand what's going on. You're pretty sure he's been scammed, right?" he asked.

Barro nodded. "I think that was obvious by the fact that there was no raffle scheduled during the anniversary."

"Well, why don't you explain that to him?" Dan suggested. "Did you ever think of that rather than endlessly fighting about it?!"

Barro paused, realizing that Dan was right. He turned to his best friend. "Michael?"

"Mmmmmmm yesssss?" the distracted pony asked.

"Mike, you do know we've been screwed, right? Whoever sold you those tickets just wanted your money," Barro said.

"But, I got the tickets," Michael protested.

Barro turned back to Dan, finding it difficult to explain. The human gestured back to Michael, knowing that the only way to make him understand was to spell it out. Behind him, Twilight Sparkle and company stopped in the middle of the street, quietly observing the display.

"Michael, they're fake raffle tickets. You were scammed and whoever sold them to you has most of your and my money," Barro said, his tone clear and sympathetic.

Behind his sunglasses, Michael's eyes widened. Finally, he understood. "We... we've been swindled!"

"Finally!" Barro exclaimed, relieved. "You get it now! You wasted most of our money buying fake raffle tickets because you didn't come to me first!" The white pony jabbed the other. Michael's head hung low in shame.

"That might be part of the problem," Dan said to Barro. "You've been so focused on blaming your friend here that he didn't even realize his mistake."

"I..." Barro stopped. "I... you're right." The realization hit him pretty hard as well. The two stallions were equally distraught.

Dan grabbed the duo by the shoulders. "I've been scammed before, too. It happens. What you need to do is educate yourselves and learn to recognize scam artists when you see them," Dan explained. "You've both been fighting each other when you could've been trying to track down the ones who scammed you in the first place!"

The ponies' heads lifted. "You're right!" Barro said. "We could be going after the guys who sold Michael the tickets in the first place!"

"You're not always going to be able to do that," Dan cautioned them. "So you need to protect yourselves against future swindlers. With knowledge. But there's always a chance you can find the ones who screwed you and get even with them."

Michael tapped his chin. "Well, I didn't really get a good look at the seller because he was wearing a cloak or something. But maybe the raffle tickets have a phone number on them or something."

"That's a good idea," Barro said. "Even if they don't, we might find somepony else who recognizes them and could tell us where they came from."

"See? Now you're on the right track!" Dan patted them on the back. "Now, get out there and get yourselves some payback!"

The two stallions smiled. "Thank you, Dan!" Barro couldn't help but give the human a hug, a common pony gesture even towards those that might not have been familiar.

"Yes, thanks a lot!" Michael joined in.

Dan returned the spontaneous hug, teeth gritted in an awkward smile. He was happy to have done at least some good work. As he patted them both on the shoulders, it was at that moment the smallest flash of magical light appeared on Dan's own shoulder. With his shirt on, it was unnoticeable to him but Twilight thought she saw something from just a few feet behind him.

The duo departed shouting "PHONY RAFFLE TICKET SALESMEN!!", galloping off on their own quest for justice. Dan smiled as he watched them run through the streets, no longer arguing.

"Dan," Twilight approached him, looking over her shoulder. "That was really nice of you. You helped them resolve their conflict."

"Yeah, well they were yelling in the middle of the street, disrupting both traffic and the peace," Dan remarked.

"Who were those two, anyway?" Chrys asked.

"Just a couple loudmouths," Dan replied. He turned around and the group resumed their course home.

The Golden Oakes Library, like the surrounding area, was covered in a thick blanket of snow. The tree's sturdy branches held up the snow, though the tree itself had shed a good portion of its leaves. Since the zombie invasion, Dan had reinforced the new additions to the house, the new tactical "command and control" wing as well as added support to the structure of the tree itself. The security system had been recalibrated and now operated regardless of weather conditions. Fixed, fortified and functional, the library was finally back to the way it should be and ready for anything.

Fluffle rolled up to the door first and hopped near it, eager to be inside and warm up like an adorable pony-pup. With content brimming in his expression, Dan grabbed the door knob, allowing the security system's biometric analysis programming to identify him in an instant, pulled it open and entered.

"Ah, good to be back home," Chrys said. Saddlebags full, she tossed her souvenirs on the couch. "We should visit Canterlot more often," she remarked.

"Canterlot was my first home," Twilight said, stepping inside with Spike on her back. "But I'll always think of Ponyville as my real home."

"It's your BEST home!" Pinkie announced, bouncing in. "Because you have all your best friends here!"

"That I do," Twilight giggled. "Home is where the heart is... and my heart is with my friends." Her friends gathered around her for an impromptu group hug with Chrys joining them. Dan wasn't paying attention until Fluffle Puff darted back, collided with him and carried him with her as she joined the cuddly embrace.

"Again?!" Dan's tone strained as he was absorbed into the pony affection collection. "Can we at least get the door closed? Seriously, we just got home, we're covered in snow, it's cold," the human complained while loving pressure was placed on his spine. Not skipping a beatt, Twilight's horn glowed and the door closed. Hug time would not be interrupted.

When they released, he found Chrys was still attached to him, nuzzling her muzzle on his chest. "Uh, Chrys?"

"Oh!" the queen blushed. "S-sorry, I kinda get into it."

"Yeah, like I couldn't tell that," Dan said. The snow that had been in Chrys' mane had come off on Dan's shirt, curiously forming together to spell the word "Boyfriend" above the word "JERK" along with several snowy hearts. Dan probably would've noticed the letter-forming if he hadn't been wearing the shirt at the time; he brushed off the snow.

"It's all right," Dan said, a light smile cresting his face. "Excessive embraces are to be expected this time of year. All part of the Christmas spirit."

And that reminder was enough to make everypony else in the room frown.

"What the hay is a Chris-" Pinkie's mouth was abruptly filled with Rainbow's hoof. She twitched against Rainbow's action, not out of resistance but more out of just her being hyper and unable to be still at the moment.

Rainbow Dash and the others leaned closer while subduing Pinkie. "How are we gonna break it to him?"

"For starters, do we even know what a 'Christmas' is? Perhaps Equestria already has one," Rarity said.

"Maybe it's celebrated somewheres far off," Applejack suggested.

"And maybe we could send Dan there," Rainbow added. The rest of the group glared at her for a split second. "Just for the holidays! Sheesh!" the Pegasus quickly clarified. "We take him to where the Christmas is and then bring him back after Hearth's Warming. Easy."

Twilight shook her head. "We might as well send him back to Earth."

Rainbow tapped her chin, thinking about that idea. "If we send him to Earth, can I go, too? I have a feeling I'd be popular there."

Pinkie spat out Rainbow's hoof. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed Rainbow by the head, looked into her eyes and plainly told her, "You have no idea."

"O-kay...?"

"Seriously, you don't wanna know," Pinkie said clearly.

Rainbow pouted. "Now I wanna go..."

Fluttershy took that moment to pipe up. "Maybe we could have Christmas here for him?"

Pinkie's smile returned. "Oooh! Yes! I like that idea! The more holidays, the better! AND LEIF ERICKSON DAY NEXT!"

"Do we even know how to throw a... Christmas?" Rarity asked, a valid question. They all pondered it for a moment.

Applejack calmly adjusted her Stetson. "Why don't we just ask him and get it over with?"

"I think that might alert him to the fact we've never celebrated Christmas before," Rarity made another valid point.

"So?" AJ retorted. "Feller's bound to find out eventually. Might as well be now." 

"We're going to tell him," Twilight said resolutely, remembering they had all vowed to be up front with information at the anniversary. "We're not going to try and hide or alter anything from Dan. We tell him the simple truth."

Applejack gave a knowing nod in agreement.

Spike scratched his chin. "So... who's gonna tell him?"

"One-two-three not it!"

"Not it!" the other mares declared in unison, even Chrys and Fluffle Puff, though Fluffl's was more of a negative "thbbth."

Twilight sighed heavily. "We're ALL telling him TOGETHER."

Her declaration was followed by a display of innocent smiles. "Of course... that's what we all meant," Pinkie said for the group.

The purple pony shook her head at her reluctant friends and led them to her alien houseguest in the living room. Dan was reclined on the couch, watching t.v and hadn't been paying attention to Twilight's conversation with her friends. He distractedly channel-surfed, noticing several commercials he hadn't seen before about something called FIST. Vaguely, he remembered it being the name of the corporation the lab coat-wearing stallion with metal hands he'd met in Cloudsdale. He made a mental note and recorded one of the commercials to examine later.

"Hey, Dan?" Twilight asked, she and the collection of friends assembling around the couch.

"Whatcha watching?" Pinkie asked. "Is the new Lightning Seven this week?"

"Nah, next Thursday," Dan replied, changing the channel. "You guys need something? The passcode for the security cannons changes on intervals of three, five and nine hours, guys."

"It's not that, Dan," Twilight walked around the couch to him. "It's about Christmas."

"What about it?" Dan asked, still flipping through the channels. "I was actually about to say something about that myself; there aren't any Christmas specials on. I'm gonna have to have a chat with the local provider about that."

"Let's save that for another episode," Chrys suggested.

"All right, fine," Dan sighed, bored.

"Dan," Twilight started, "the reason there aren't any Christmas specials on this time of year is because..." She thought how to phrase her words, then decided to just tell him. They'd decided before to be upfront and not sugarcoat it, so the time was now. "We've never celebrated Christmas in Equestria. We've... never had Christmas here."

Chrys patted Twilight on the back for not trying to avoid the issue with Dan. She was happy with herself and her friends. They hadn't tried to dodge the problem, they hadn't tried to create some huge scheme or an elaborate ruse to keep Dan believing ponies still celebrated Christmas, no, they had taken the honest, straight-forward route. No deception, no obfuscation, no running from the problem, just the truth. In this situation, they had done everything right. The chances of any upset were miniscule because they had made the right choice. They had told the truth and been upfront about it, truly the best course of action.

Right?

Twilight then looked closer at Dan and saw the channels had stopped changing. He held the remote outstretched and pointed at the t.v but he wasn't pressing any buttons.

"Uh, Dan?" Rainbow, hooves draped over the couch from the back, poked Dan's shoulder. He budged but didn't respond.

"Are you all right, Dan?" the innocent Fluttershy's voice asked.

Fluffle Puff repositioned herself as an ottoman underneath Dan's feet, propping up his legs but the human remained stunned.

Dan's expression changed from a blank and then he shook his head. "Sorry, I was reading the number for that FIST place." He chuckled. "Ha, it almost sounded like you said you'd never celebrated Christmas in Equestria."

Twilight's heart sank. "Well uh, that's because... that's what I said. We've never celebrated-"

"YOU'VE NEVER CELEBRATED CHRISTMAS IN EQUESTRIA?!!" Dan's voice boomed. Instantly, he was up on his feet demanding an answer from the princess.

Twilight didn't really know how to explain it. Although ponies didn't formally celebrate Christmas, the works of Christianity and Jesus Christ were prevalent in Equestria in the form of artworks and music. Most religions from Earth had some representation in Equestria in one way or another, mostly through paintings, sculptures or even cave drawings. Even the occasional religious figure visited Equestria like the Pope, Buda, Apollo and Kratos having journeyed to Ponyville at one time or another

The only instance of religious conflict occurred when Muhammad, the prophet of Islam, was briefly mistaken for a cow because the ponies interpreted his name as Moo-hammad. Muhammad then attempted to wage a jihad against all of Equestria over the mixup but fortunately, it was cleared up by a group of actual visiting cows before any harm could be done. Since then, there hadn't been a single problem over faith or a holiday in Equestria.

Until now.

"We've just never celebrated that holiday, Dan," Twilight reiterated, stepping around to the front of the couch in an apologetic stance.

"None of us had even heard about it until you showed up," Chrys said, equally timid in her posture. "There's just no Christmas here."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO CHRISTMAS HERE?!" Dan shouted, pure outrage. "YOU'RE PRACTICALLY REINDEER!"

"Reindeer?!" Rarity gasped, appalled. "Not with those unruly antlers!"

Pinkie sniffed consciously under hear left foreleg-pit. "I did switch to a new non-bubblegum based deodorant recently..."

"NO!" Dan yelled contemptuously. "Reindeer! The flying ones?"

"Reindeer don't have wings," Rainbow Dash pointed out. "And their horns are the non-magical kind so I don't know why you're comparing us to them."

"NOOOOOOO! I'm talking about Santa Claus!" Dan protested.

"Who?" the ponies asked.

The human hit himself in the face with the remote. The channel changed in response. "How can you not have Christmas here? You have Halloween!"

"Hallo-what?" Chrys asked.

"Nightmare Night! The last episode! Remember?!!" Dan felt like he was the only sane creature in the room. Actually, he felt that a lot. But right now more so than ever. "You have your own version of Halloween, Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day," he listed.

"That's right Dan," Twilight put a hoof on his shoulder, stopping him from pacing. "We have our own version of a lot of things."

"Like Xbox," Chrys pointed out. "Which... is actually identical to the ones on Earth, if the information in your cell phone is accurate," she said with a giggle.

"But they're our versions of those things," Twilight said. Dan stood and huffed, grasping with the revelation. Earth and Equestria inhabited dimensions parallel to each other. Some things in fact were incredibly similar to them such as species of animals, plants and even forms of technology. Locomotives, helicopters, radios, types of music, there were many things the two sister worlds shared but they were different no matter how similar they were. The same way even genetically identical twins were different, so were things in Earth and Equestria. Even the things that were the same ultimately were still each dimensions own versions of similar entities.

"We don't have a Christmas here, Dan," Twilight patted his back. "But we could if you wanted to."

"It looks to me like you already DO," Dan stated angrily. "And you call it Hearth's Warming Eve or whatever."

"So there's a Hearth's Warming on Earth, too?" Pinkie asked excitedly. "WHEN CAN WE GO?!"

Rainbow elbowed the pink mare. "I thought you said we didn't want to go." 

"I said you didn't want to know," Pinkie clarified. "And ya don't. Trust me, ya really don't, Dashie. But we can still go there to visit! Can we please?" she begged Twilight.

"One thing at a time, Pinkie," Twilight rubbed her temples. "The point is, we can have Christmas in Ponyville. Just for you, Dan."

And the moment she said that, Dan's heart melted. Hunched over in rage, he looked over his shoulder at Twilight Sparkle. "...Really?"

"We'll talk to the town, see what we can do about them putting up some extra decorations. You can even supervise the whole thing. I'm sure ponies won't have a problem celebrating two holidays simultaneously," Twilight assured him.

"Thank you," Dan hugged Twilight. The gesture caught her off guard but she returned it and soon another group hug was formed. "I know it's not a big deal to you guys but it is my favorite holiday. And now I can show the whole town how to celebrate it the right way! We'll have Christmas AND Hearth's Warming Eve!"

"DOUBLE HOLIDAY!!!" Pinkie cheered. "I LOVE THIS IDEA! WE SHOULD DO THIS EVERY FIVE MINUTES!"

"Let's go ask the mayor about it right now! We'll talk to the local business, Wubway, and see if we can get some more decorations and trees set up! C'mon!" Dan led the group eagerly out the door.

Twilight and Chrys were at the back of the group, following the others outside. The purple princess stopped to arm the security system of her own house, taking a moment to follow Dan's safety procedures. He was her royal guard captain for a reason.

"Looks like catastrophe has been averted," Chrys said, stopping by Twilight.

"Mhmm," Twilight nodded happily. "It looks like we won't be having any problems this holiday season."

"Yeah..." Chrys rubbed the back of her neck. "Unless the town has a problem with it."

"I'm sure there won't be any trouble accommodating Dan," Twilight said. "I don't think requesting another holiday be added to the schedule will be too difficult. I am a princess, after all," she said with a light smile.

"For the moment, anyway," Chrys reminded her of her decision.

"And it's time to make the most of that moment," Princess Twilight said with confidence. "Now, let's go make a royal decree and give Ponyville its first Christmas!"





"I'm sorry, but I really don't think we'll be able to have another holiday this month," Mayor Mare informed the group.

Ten mouths went agape at the statement. The mane six, Spike, Fluffle, Chrys and Dan's jaw almost hitting the floor.

"BUT WHY?!!" Dan almost screamed. "You've practically GOT all the decorations set up all over town! I'm just wanting us to put up a few saying that it's also Christmas and-"

"And I'm telling you," the mayor looked him in the eyes over her shoulder, "that that's quite impossible at this time, captain. I'm sorry."

"But... why?" Even Twilight was distraught. "Why can't we just call it something else? Celebrate two things at the same time?"

"I can do that! I can celebrate ten things at once and then-" Once again, Pinkie's mouth was stuffed with hoof, Applejack's this time.

The mayor's office was just as busy as the town streets had been. Aides trotted back and fourth carrying notes, and talking into hooves-free devices.

"I'm sorry citizens but we're just far too busy with Hearth's Warming Eve this year. Rearranging decorations, scheduling new events or even making an announcement at this time is out of the question. This is the largest influx of tourists Ponyville's seen in a very long time and changing things, ANYTHING at the last minute could cause confusion among the masses," Mayor Mare informed them.

"But," Twilight tried everything for Dan. The human's lower lip trembled as he looked back at his friend Twilight, encouraging her to fight for him. "What if I make a royal proclamation? I mean, I am a princess. I can do things like that... right?"

The mayor looked back at her sternly. "The fact you're a princess and that you're all connected to the royal family is the only reason I'm even able to see you right now. I apologize girls, gentle... sirs," she regarded Spike and Dan in the room. "But we're not going to be able to accommodate you right now." Mayor Mare returned to her business, letting the phrase "see yourselves out" hang in unspoken tones on the wooden walls and floor, also decorated in a Hearth's Warming Eve fashion.

Chrys leaned over to Twilight and whispered. "So much for the 'princess card."

The entire group felt a wave of defeat wash over them. Heads sunk low, Pinkie Pie on the verge of tears, Fluffle Puff hugging Dan tightly to comfort him, none of them knew what to say.

"Dan," Twilight grabbed his arm. "I-"

The human turned and walked out the door. The group followed him. Sitting in the lobby, a curious stallion in a lab coat with metal gauntlets over his forelegs and an indigo-colored Pegasus with a broken horn watched the group go by. The pair might've been noticed by Twilight and the others if they weren't so distraught.

"They travel in a group..." Vice Grip whispered to Lightning Claw. "Make a note of that."

The purple Pegasus turned to his boss. "And when I fought Dan in the woods? What was that? We were both alone."

"Did you make a note of it?" Vice asked.

"No-"

"Then they travel in a group."

Lightning Claw sighed heavily and got out his quill. Nothing else to write with, he decided to jot the "vital" piece of information down on a spare raffle ticket.





Dan stormed outside of heavily-decorated town hall into the Ponyville street. Part of him wanted to burn the building down, destroy all the decorations but he knew he couldn't do that. He felt like the entire universe was playing for a fool but really, it was just his own expectations. He stood in the street in the cold wind, fuming hot with rage.

"Dan!" Twilight galloped up to him. "I know you're upset, but we can still-"

"Upset?" Dan asked. "Why would I be upset? Just because YOUR world doesn't celebrate the same holiday and just because they can't do a single thing to adjust it, to acknowledge the fact that MAYBE people celebrate things OTHER than the same holiday at the same time and that even THEY can't be accommodated EVEN ONCE DOESN'T MEAN I'm going to lose all control and go on some sort of vigilante crusade to have Christmas in Equestria by any means necessary," he said, ending the long-winded sentence with a chuckle. He sighed, put his hands on his hips and turned to the rest of the group, smiling happily. "Besides, at least I can still decorate a Christmas tree, right?"

Rainbow Dash couldn't help but ask, "A what?"

Dan's teeth gritted, his fists balled, steam rose from the ground as his shoes melted the snow beneath him. He threw his hands into the air against the fury of winter itself and yelled at the top of his lungs, "CHRISTMAS IN EQUESTRIA!!!"



Chrys dashed out into the street next to Dan. "WHAT HE SAAAAAAAAAAAAAIID!!!"

A silence followed, ponies stopped briefly to stare at Dan and Chrys in the middle of the town square. Turning to Dan, Chrys saw the human had a grumpy frown for her.

"Sorry..." Chrys bashfully apologized. "Always wanted to do that."

With a grin, Dan patted her on the shoulder. "I suppose we can overlook it seeing as how it's close to Christmas... oh wait," his smile faded, "EXCEPT IT'S NOT!! IT'LL NEVER BE CLOSE TO ANYTHING EVER AGAIN!!"

Fluttershy raised a hoof. "There's still Hearth's Warming-"

"I KNOW!"

The yellow mare lowered her hoof.

"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR," Dan growled. His friends came to his side. With the feeling of multiple sympathetic hooves on his back, rage gave way to futility and he slunk his head arms down.

"I'm really sorry, Dan," Twilight spoke for the group. "Maybe next year."

"Yeah, yeah..." Dan wasn't consoled by her words. "And maybe next year, Hearth's Warming Eve can last all month long."

Pinkie's eyes went wide. "Is that a thing? Can... can that be a thing?"

Rainbow once again covered her friend's muzzle, her way of say that now was not the time.

"This holiday means a lot to you, doesn't it?" Rarity asked.

"Yeah," Dan sighed. "It was always the one time a year that people were just as angry... and just as motivated... as me."

That made everypony else's eyes go wide. They exchanged glances of mixed mild confusion and slight concern before Dan elaborated.

"All month long after Thanksgiving, people would rush to get things done, prepare for Christmas. They would drop everything, buy gifts, send letters and decorate their houses all for people they hadn't seen in a year. Humans would travel long distances to visit relatives they barely knew to spend Christmas with them. The increase in travel caused traffic to become a disaster, put pressure on friends and family alike and caused wide-spread aggravation the nation all over a single day. Normal people would snap, breakdown and rage at the smallest things just because of one day. It was wonderful." Dan's eyes twinkled as he reminisced. He remembered people yelling at each other in the streets, surrounded by their own children and parents, screaming into the skies in rage. Just like Dan.

"You... like Christmas because it makes humans... rage?" Rarity asked, swallowing.

"Yes!" Dan said enthusiastically. "No other holiday mattered as much! No other holiday required as much coordination, as much planning, as many things to go right! And when they didn't, people would get so infuriated, they wouldn't be able to contain it! They'd yell at their neighbors, they'd yell at their families, they'd yell at themselves and at the world and whatever else was in the way! It pushed people over the edge! There's nothing on Earth more inspirational than watching people trying to survive the Christmas season!"

"I... I think I understand," Twilight said, tapping a hoof to her chin. "Christmas was the only time of year when you..."

Dan's voice became soft. "When I... felt normal."

The square became silent. There was nothing the ponies could say, nothing they could add to what the human had told them. Some of them opened their mouths as if to try but not a word was spoken.

Twilight stepped forward, finally breaking the silence. "Christmas made you feel like... the way you normally acted wasn't that strange. Because every human was acting like that."

"Most of them," Dan clarified, remembering Chris and his wife, Elise. "Christmas was just... I don't know, I always thought it was inspirational. People would yell and fight with each other all month long but no matter what happened, when Christmas came, they were always happy just to be together. No matter what, no matter how much they fought, everything would be resolved for just one day. It was kind of... nice, I guess."

Although Dan wasn't really what you'd call a religious man, he had his own unique spiritual experiences. Dan had slammed the door and physically threatened representatives of every major religion on Earth from Agnosticism and atheism to Zen-philosophy and Buddhism. On occasion, he'd visit a church, temple or other such institution during an event or holiday. Inevitably during his visit, he would confuse the religious group's message for promises of free food or cash and then would proceed to try to vandalize, deface or burn down said institution for what he would claim as "false advertising."

If you asked Dan if he believed in God, not that anyone ever did, he would say that God had to exist. To Dan, the universe was far too complicated and yet simple, much too abstract and yet clear, all too mysterious and yet familiar to be an accident. Dan had some kind of faith just because he believed that everything in the world was a little too... perfect to not have been done on purpose. Someone had to have thought it all up. Because Dan knew that nothing was ever that convenient for him.

Dan was fine with the religions of Earth. Any organization that gave out free food was okay in his book, so long as they delivered. The violence some religious radicals committed he didn't see as any different to the riots sports fans caused on occasion, and another reason to stay away from organized sporting events. No, faith in religion had never been a problem with Dan. It was faith in humanity Dan had lost a long time ago.

Christmas was a time each year he got a little of it back.

"Christmas sounds like a wonderful holiday, Dan," Rarity said.

"Yeah... " Dan said, still melancholy. "It was. I guess now I won't be le to enjoy it any more..." he sounded defeated.

"Don't be that way, Dan," Twilight held his chin up with a bit of magic. "Maybe we could celebrate Christmas next month."

"In January?!" Dan asked, appalled. "Come to think of it, HOW can you have the same days, same months as Earth but not have the same holidays?!"

"As we said before, Equestria and Earth are in parallel dimensions so only some things-"

"Some things are similar but nothing's the same," Dan finished for her, sounding defeated again. 

"Are... are you sure you don't want to celebrate Hearth's Warming Eve with us?" Pinkie Pie asked. "You already said it was a lot like Christmas, didn't ya?"

And just then, Dan had an idea. He looked around at the decorations, the warm-clad ponies trotting in the streets, the wreaths on every door, the snowpones being built by fillies and colts. Yes, Hearth's Warming Eve was a lot like Christmas. In fact, you could say it was Christmas in Equestria. There were only a few things it was missing.

A wide grin spread across Dan's face. He spun around on his heels to face the group. "You know, I think I will celebrate Hearth's Warming Eve this year!"

"Really?!" Pinkie asked. Ecstatic excitement spread through the group like wildfire. Even Twilight and Chrys looked happy... before they noticed the sinister-ness of Dan's smile.

"Absolutely!" Dan decreed. "And knowing you, Pinkie, I bet you have something big planned for the holiday, don't you?"

"I do!" Pinkie bounced with glee.

Dan's smile grew. "Something one might say is perhaps... explosive?"

The naïve, pink pony giggled. "You bet! It's downright dynamite!"

"That's wonderful!" Dan exclaimed. Then his tone lowered a solid octave. "Why don't you show me where it is?"

"Um, Dan?" Twilight asked.

"Daaaaaaan," Chrys added in a worried voice.

"You can't start the finale now, Pinkie!" Spike pointed out.

"Uh, yeah! That's right!" Chrys quickly added.

"Yeah, Pinkie, we wouldn't want 'master mayor's holiday schedule to get upset," Rainbow remarked. The other mares save Twilight and Chrys gathered around Pinkie to urge her into other Hearth's Warming Eve activities. Five of the mane six soon were swept up in the discussion of celebration, leaving a narrow-eyed Dan to seethe next to the remaining mares.

Wanting to calm Dan down, and avert disaster, Twilight tapped his shoulder. "We'll find someway to celebrate Christmas."

A familiar malevolent smile reappeared on Dan's face. "Yes. We will."





While Dan's dangerous desires were momentarily derailed, Twilight and Chrys both knew he wouldn't let things go that easily, though it didn't stop them from hoping he would. With only the slightest noticeable forced enthusiasm, they encouraged him to take part in other Hearth's Warming Eve traditions, if only to get his mind off vengeance. It was their hope that when he saw how much fun their winter holiday could be, he'd celebrate it with them and they could have a Christmas next year.

Fortunately for them, it was the season of hope and miracles. Unfortunately, that season was on Earth, not yet on Equestria. With that in mind, cue the montage!

Dan had never before been dragged to so many holiday activities in his life. Chris and Elise would force him to do something once in a while like go shopping with them, volunteer or sit through some kind of performance but it was different with the ponies. They dragged him to practically EVERY Hearth's Warming event in town.

From caroling in the streets to dancing, from carving ice sculptures to ice skating, from window shopping to decorating each of the mane six's respective houses and all of Fluttershy's animals(including her Abomasnow), Dan did everything with the ponies. Throughout the town they built snowmen, snowpones, snow igloos, snow forts, snow igloo-forts, a snow Taj Mahal, the Snowpeak Ruins from Twilight Princess-

Oh crap! That's the boss from Snowpeak Ruins! HOW DID WE EVEN BUILD THAT?! RUN! EVERYPONY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! CUT THE MONTAGE, CUT THE MONTA-

"Barro, zoom the camera out."

OH! It's in a snow globe, that's cute. Whew... had me a... a bit frightened there for a second.

"Frightened? Yeah... yeah, we'll go with "frightened." You okay?"

Yep, fine. We're good to go.

"All right..." Dan placed the snow globe on the shelf in Sugar Cube Corner. "That's the last one. Are we done now?"

"Eeyep!" Pinkie declared, checking the item off the list. "And that montage lasted ten hours. That's gotta be some kinda record!"

"Mhmm," Twilight agreed. "The town's decorated and everything's ready for Hearth's Warming Eve. We all did a great job."

Dan climbed down off the stepladder. "What does any of this stuff have to do with Heart's Warm Whatever anyway?"

"It's tradition, Dan," Applejack stated, sweeping up the floor.

"These are the things we do every year to celebrate Hearth's Warming Eve," Fluttershy added.

Twilight walked over and put a hoof on the angry alien's arm. "These are the traditions passed down from our founders, the original ponies who had the first Hearth's Warming Eve. Doing these things honors their memory and the things they did so we could have the future we enjoy today."

"And they're really fun!" a bouncy Chrys declared.

"But what do they have to DO with your actual holiday?" Dan demanded. "I watched the play. You're celebrating harmony, unity, togetherness and all that... err, stuff. What do snow globes have to do with that? What does making snow sculptures and launching gifts into the sky have to do with Hearth's Warming Eve?"

"Ummm..." Chrys tapped her chin. "We went over the fact that they're fun..." Maybe she wasn't the best pony to ask considering how she'd had to celebrate Hearth's Warming underground the past thousand years.

"This is just what we do for the holidays, Dan," Twilight bashfully informed him. She didn't know the full details of each festive ritual either but she was open to having a good time.

The door bell to Sugar Cube Corner jingled, announcing somepony's arrival.

"Sup gang!" Nightshade announced as he stepped through. "Ey Fluttershy~" the brown stallion gave a special greeting to his yellow mare apprentice, who blushed lightly in response.

"Oh, great. The gardener's here," Dan said sarcastically.

"Yep!" Pinkie made another mark on her checklist. "We're almost up to quota on our holiday cameos!"

"Jus' saw you guys in here, thought I'd drop by," Nightshade said. "We all ready for Hearth's Warmin' Eve?"

"Yeah!" the ponies cheerily said.

"Yea-arrrrrrrr..." Dan grumpily joined in.

"Yeap, i's gonna be a major one this year," the Canterlot gardens gardener remarked, taking a look out the window as he leaned. "I've ad my work cut out fer me since you lot took down the Magic Gear. Barely ad time to prepare the castle grounds fer winter."

"We've had a couple other 'incidents' involving Magic Gear since that anniversary party," Dan said. "Not that I needed any help from any OTHER royal guards or secret agents conveniently disguised as landscapers. No, we just love fighting technological terror without support from the country's security forces, thanks."

"Glad to hear it," Nightshade replied. It was impossible to tell whether Dan's sarcasm went over his head or if he actually understood it. Perhaps it was both. "Unicorns in Canterlot are jus about ready to start teleporting gifts to Ponyville and Cloudsdale for the exchange. I's gonna be awesome to see; we never had this many ponies in Equestria for Hearth's Warmin' before."

"Why are so many ponies here?" Spike asked. "We're getting a lot more visitors than usual, it seems."

"Ah," Nightshade nodded, "not sure why that is. Could be somethin' to do with the new railways that FIST company led in recently. New opportunities to travel and whatnot."

"Or maybe they just have nothing better to do than celebrate not-Christmas," Dan suggested irritably. "So tomorrow, all three towns send each other gifts?"

"Same as every year," Nightshade replied. "Pegasi drop 'em using balloons, unicorns teleport 'em to ponies' front yards and earth ponies launch 'em using catapults."

"Or cannons!" Pinkie proclaimed. "And I've got my party cannon fully-upgraded this year!"

"That's not a holiday," Dan shook his head, "that's just insanity! Equinsanity! Seriously, that can't have ANYTHING to do with Hearth's Warming Eve!"

"But we're doing it on Hearth's Warming Eve," Pinkie pointed out.

"You could do it any other day and it would mean the same thing! It has no special meaning to Hearth's Warming Eve!!"

"But we're doing it ON Hearth's Warming Eve," Pinkie said again.

"GNRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!" Dan grabbed his hair. "THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT A HOLIDAY TRADITION!"

Chrys rolled her eyes. "C'mon, Dan, it's fun."

"It has NOTHING to do with Hearth's Warming Eve! And yet I still can't celebrate Christmas! That doesn't make any sense!!" the human raged.

"Well, what the heck do you even do for Christmas?" Chrys asked, annoyed herself. She'd only celebrated a couple Hearth's Warming Eves with Twilight and friends since her reformation and she wasn't going to let Dan's attitude ruin it for her. Even if she did drool over Dan in her free time. Or every other minute of the day. "Don't tell me every holiday tradition on Earth magically makes sense."

Dan opened his mouth, then closed it for a moment, thinking. To be fair, many traditional Christmas activities were actually derived from pagan festivities adapted to American society and beliefs. But that didn't make them any less sacred to Dan or have anything less to do with Christmas.

Twilight grabbed Chrys' shoulder, trying to urge her not to tempt Dan. Her other friends, Nightshade included, reeled back from the two as they argued. Honestly, they didn't care that much which holiday they celebrated as long as they did it together.

"You seriously don't have any goofy traditions on Earth? What is it you do every year for Christmas, Dan?" Chrys asked, more genuinely curious than anything else.

Unfortunately, it was the wrong time. Dan returned Chrys' question with a grin. "You want to see what I do for Christmas? You ALL want to know how I celebrate a holiday?"

The ponies cowered except for Chrys who replied with, "Sure."

Dan's grin broke into another sinister smile. "Fine. I'll show you!"

Twilight raised a hoof. "You mean next year... right?"

"Of course, Twilight!" Dan declared. "Next time!"

"I said next year..." the frightened alicorn said.

Dan didn't bother correcting her. "Anyway, I've had about all the fun I can handle for today. We done?"

Pinkie checked her checklist again, then checked it twice. "Yep! Ponyville is properly prepared for full Hearth's Warming Eve party potential!"

"I guess we're calling it a night," Chrys said.

"Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, everyone!" Twilight announced. They all enjoyed one more group hug. Dan joined in, hugging them all just a little tighter than normal. It was their turn to be discomforted.

The group departed from Sugar Cube Corner and went their separate ways, Rainbow Dash taking to the night sky and Nightshade taking the same path as Fluttershy home. Dan followed Twilight, Chrys, Spike and Fluffle Puff who was covered in wrapping paper.





Having celebrated most of the day, Twilight and others didn't have much else activity the rest of the night. They shared a nice meal with an overly-cheery and all-too-quiet Dan before bed. Unbeknownst to the others as they adjourned for the night, Dan continued to plan how best to bring Christmas to Equestria throughout the evening.

As visions of sugar plots danced in their heads, and honey-maple-brown sugar roasted bacon-ham in Fluffle Puff's case, they tucked themselves in and went to sleep. As the ponies nestled in their beds, Dan did the same and before long, the tree house was filled with the sounds of snores. Mostly Fluffle Puff's; she snores quite loudly when dreaming of ham.

Just as they all finally got to sleep, Dan's eyes shot open. With the sounds of slumber to muffle his footsteps, he inched his way out of bed and crept across the floor of the bed room. The floor creaked under each of his sneaky strides but not enough to wake anypony as he closed the door behind him.

With Hearth's Warming Eve tomorrow, Dan had only precious few hours before the ponies awoke. And when they woke, he planned to have a nice holiday surprise for them. "If they think all their decorations are so important that they can't put up anything for any other holiday, let's see just how the mayor feels when I CHANGE all the Hearth's Warming Eve decorations into Christmas ones!" he whispered to no one in particular, adding a hushed maniacal chuckle at the end.

When all at once, there arouse such a clatter, Dan's eyes scanned the room to see what was the matter. Away to the living room window he flew like Rainbow Dash, he tore open the shutters and rolled up the venetian blinds(which are impossible to get back down once you mess them up.) Luna's moon on the cleavage of new-fallen snow gave a luster of midday to objects below.

When, to what Dan's wondering eyes should appear but a miniature sleigh and... and Eddie. And a man in his bathrobe with a big red ribbon on his head walking towards the front room window.

"Merry Christmas!" the mildly-intoxicated Cousin Eddie announced to Dan through the window. "Wait a minute... this isn't Clark's house." He looked around, confused at the library-tree in front of him.

"You're in the wrong dimension, pal. Now get off my lawn," Dan told the strangers, sternly but not too loud.

Mr. Shirley at that moment spat out his gag. "Help! POLICE! I've been kidna-" but Eddie quickly re-gagged his hostage.

"Now, don't be trying to escape. You got a bonus to make up for when we get to Clark's house," he informed the food additive tycoon.

"We don't have a lot of cops around here," Dan informed the pair, "but not to worry! I've invested heavily in a state-of-the art security system. Let me show it to you."

Dan added the pair's targeting parameters to the system, not easy to do since the scene is non-canon and switched the turrets on.

"Perimeter defenses activated." Turrets, guns, lasers and TF2 sentries of all varieties popped up from various nooks and crannies around the tree house. The mailbox transformed into a bazooka. They all aimed at Eddie and Frank as they stood in the snow.

"Sorry to bother you!" Eddie quickly yelled out. "Have a merry Christmas!"

"I feel like I need a Christmas Vacation," Dan muttered as the two ran away. He closed the blinds and turned back around, thankful that the non-canon incident had been settled without waking Twilight and the others. Unfortunately, another non-canon event was waiting right in front of him.

"Woooooooooooooooo~" a ghostly voice said. "Woooooooooo-oooooooooooooooohh!"

"AND IT JUST KEEPS GOING!" Dan yelled.

The spectral form of a pink pony materialized in the center of the living room. "Ebenezerrrrrrr..."

"It's Dan, Pinkie."

"I mean, Daaaaaaan..."

"What do you want?" Dan asked the pink wraith.

"I'm not Pinkiiiiiiie... I'm the ghost of Pinkie. YOUR FRIENNNNNND!"

"How nauseating," Dan said. "To what do I owe the discomfort, oh pepto-spectro?"

"Tonight, you will be visited by three GHOSTS!!"

"Including you?"

"Nooooooooope~!"

Dan looked around the pink phantom. "Are they behind you?"

Ghost-Pinkie turned to see the three spirits of the founders of Hearth's Warming Eve standing just behind her. "Um, yeah... that's actually themmm."

"And you guys are here to do... what?"

"Dan, you don't understand the meaning of Hearth's Warming Eveeeeeeeeee... so now these spirits will show it to you!"

"But I watched the play," Dan pointed out.

"Whaaaaat?"

"The play, I was there. I know what Hearth's Warming Eve is about. And I ain't afraid of no ghost."

"Awww," Pinkie ghost pouted. "But why not? I mean, Whyyy noooooo-"

Dan smiled. "Because I know who to call." Reaching into his pocket, he pressed two buttons on the touch pad and had to only wait two rings for a response. "Hello? Yeah, it's me. Uh-huh... yeah, and could you get here fast? Yeah, yeah, the holidays... okay, thanks." He closed the phone and pocketed it.

"Whooooo did you callllllll?"

His smile broadened. "I think we both know the answer to that."

The front door burst open. Three figures tumbled in and rolled into position in the living room. The hum of charged proton packs soon filled the air and the glow of the equipment illuminated three filly faces.

"Cutie Mark Crusaders Ghostbusters go!" the three announced.

"Thanks for getting here so quickly, guys," Dan thanked the CMCGB.

"No problem, Dan!" Scootaloo said. "Trap ready!"

"Light 'em up, Apple Bloom!" Sweetie Belle shouted.

"Light what up?" Pinkie asked, excited. "Are you guys having a party?! I can be like Casper and crash my own-"

The proton packs engaged and the CMCGB blasted the three ghost founders with wrapped energy. Towing them like spectral fish on a hook, the fillies wrestled the phantasms over the trap.

"Don't cross the streams!!" Dan cautioned them.

But the Cutie Mark Ghostbusters were professionals. And once the ghosts were directly over the trap, Scootaloo opened it and the specters were sucked inside.

"We're good!" Scootaloo announced.

"Awww," Pinkie, the only ghost left, moaned. "It took me forever to channel those three spirits."

"It's all right, Pinkie; this isn't canon anyway," Dan comforted her. He walked over to her and removed the ghost cloak from her, returning her to her normal, solid, living state. "You got this from Professor E. Gadd, didn't you?"

"Yeah..." Pinkie admitted. "It was a Hearth's Warming Eve gift.."

"Well, at least it went over better than his PS Vita Horror idea. Some things just weren't meant to be crossed over..." Dan said, remembering back to yet another obscure reference. "Anyway, don't try to sneak up on me with this again." He bundled up the Gadd Science Inc. ghost cloak up and handed it back to Pinkie.

"Okie dokie lokie, Danny..." Pinkie said, walking to the door and exiting along with the CMCGB.

"So, are you going to pay us now?" Apple Bloom asked.

"You can pay us by helping us earn our cutie marks!"

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!" Dan slammed the door on all four of them. He grabbed the smoking ghost trap off the floor, opened the door again and tossed it out, then slammed it again. "Bustin' makes ME feel good," he said to himself, walking away.

Late-night disturbances over with, Dan proceeded to the command and control wing of the library past the clop fiction section. With considerable menace in his mannerisms, Dan retrieved all the supplies he needed for his diabolical plan.

"All the ponies think that Christmas is so strange... well, when they wake up tomorrow, they'll see everything's changed! They'll celebrate Christmas, I'll make them all believe! From now on, they'll have Christmas instead of Hearth's Warming Eve!" Dan diabolically rhymed.

Satisfied that he had the tools that he required, he turned around to see Chrys standing in the doorway, looking tired.

"Dan?" the sweet changeling did ask with a yawn. "It's almost midnight... why do you still have clothes on?"

"Because, Chrys," Dan patted her on the shoulder and did say, "I'm preparing Ponyville a gift for Hearth's Warming Day."

"Oh really? Dan, that's really sweet. I hope everypony enjoys your Hearth's Warming treat."

"I'm sure they will," Dan said, with practically horns on his head. "Now, I have a lot of work to do, so you should get back to bed."

"Okay," Chrys yawned again as she took her leave. "Oh, and Dan?"

"Yes, Chrys?"

"Merry Christmas and happy Hearth's Warming Eve."

Chrys' gesture wasn't entirely lost on Dan. For just a brief moment, he reconsidered his plan. But before his heart could be changed, there was a small bit of doubt. "I might as well use this stuff; it's already out."





And so, Dan began prancing through town, putting up Christmas decorations and taking Hearth's Warming ones down. He put up Christmas trees and lights on rooftops and homes. In Pinkie Pie's yard, he made elves out of her garden gnomes.

With Rarity's house, he tried something unique. He made a mock Santa's workshop out of Carousel Boutique. Dan took all her fabric and sewed in new designs. He made all her latest fashions into a new Christmas-themed line. And when all that was left was a sweater and hat, he stuck sticks to it and made a reindeer out of Rarity's cat.

At Sweet Apple Acres, Dan continued his spree by turning the apple orchards into fields of Christmas trees. Every tree, he decorated with ornaments and lights and when he turned them on, the acre's glow lit up the night.

At Fluttershy's house, he found it hard to keep creeping lest he wake up her dozens of animals sleeping. Rather than risk waking up so many creatures from her bed, he decided to just decorate Fluttershy's shed.Now usually for the wingless, Cloudsdale is too high. But Dan had a helicopter, and for stealth, he did modify. And with a motor-quieting silencer, he took to the sky.

Unlike last time when he tried to get to Cloudsdale and crashed, this time Dan found it easy to get to Rainbow Dash. He turned the rainbow mare's cloud-house into one big Christmas display and added lights in two lines to make a runway. He even built a dock for Santa's sleigh.

Did Dan actually believe in Santa Claus? Whether he did or he didn't, it would not give him pause. Dan believed in Christmas and he believed it was right. And he would make Equestria believe it in the space of one night. From Rainbow Dash's house in his chopper, he descended. He had one more thing to do before his escapades ended.

For his final act of holiday redecoration, Dan defaced the Hearth's Warming Eve banner above the train station. He took some paint and a brush and wrote over the sign. In place of the words To All, A Warm Hearth's Warming Eve, he wrote above it, MERRY CHRISTMAS PONYVILLE! IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, LEAVE!

When finished, Dan took time to look over his work. He admired every piece of it, the insufferable jerk, and walked through the streets of Ponyville sporting a most satisfied smirk. All that was left was for ponies to see it and for the excitement to perk.

Eager to witness firsthand the results of his plot, he hid behind a street wagon in a secluded spot. Just as he did, the sun's rays hit the street with impeccable timing. "It's the first day of Christmas, Ponyville," Dan said, and then added, "now enough with the rhyming!"

All over town, ponies woke up with excitement and glee. Dan wondered what they'd think when in each house, they found a Christmas-

"I SAID ENOUGH WITH THE RHYMING!"

tree -d-display. Yes, that's what I was going to say- uhh, that's what I meant. Any... anyhow, the townsfolk trotted out their doors, somewhat confused but still merry. Neighbors greeted and wished each other happy holidays. The streets quickly became filled with revelers celebrating, trotting to friends' houses, practically singing as they did so.

"Happy Hearth's Warming!"

"Happy Hearth's Warming Day!!!"

"IT'S HEARTH'S WARMING DAY! WOOOOOOOOO!"

Dan's own delighted smile quickly turned to a frown. "No, NO!" he shouted. He ran into the streets amongst the celebrators. "Can't you ponies read?! IT'S CHRISTMAS!!"

"Christmas? Where?" a passerby asked.

"Christmas, that's that tavern on Fourth Street by Denny's."

"You mean the one by the Wubway with the new roof?"

"No, the other one."

"NO!!" Dan yelled again. "It's Christmas TODAY!!"

"You mean the parade? Or the Hearth's Warming Exchange?"

"No, he said Crystal Mist. I'm on my way to her place with Cross Eye and Gary Busey."

"Do you know where they're selling raffle tickets?"

"AAAAAAAARRRRRrAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUGH!!" Dan grabbed his hair and twisted in pain. "How... how can they just IGNORE the decorations?!! All I went through..."

Despite causing a scene in the middle of the snowy street, most ponies were too busy to notice more than a second of Dan's dismay. They did notice the decorations however, though most attributed whatever "Christmas" was to either be a typo or mean Hearth's Warming Eve in another language.

Dan held his head in disbelief for good couple minutes, trying to find out what had happened. "I did everything, replaced all their decorations, displays and gifts with Christmas ones and they're STILL celebrating Hearth's Warming Eve!!!"

"I told you it wouldn't do any good, Mr. Dan," the mayor's voice spoke loud over the revelers. Dan looked up to see her and a pair of her assistances walking towards him through the constantly moving crowd. "All your actions would do is cause confusion. We probably could've accommodated you next year but as for today... nopony is celebrating Christmas in Equestria."

The human was the only creature in Ponyville at that moment that felt a pang of cold in their chest. He couldn't think of anything to say back to the stubborn politician. Part of him wanted to just crawl back home, turn on the television and forget this day even happened. For the first time since coming to Equestria, Dan felt like he was something that just didn't belong there. He felt completely, utterly alien and alone. But he wasn't.

"That's not true, Miss Mayor," Twilight said.

Dan turned around and saw his friends, Twilight, Chrys and all the others gathered on the other side of the street. They were each dressed with antler headbands on their heads, Spike dressed as an elf and Chrys in the lead with a red bulb on her nose. And behind them, they were pulling a sleigh. On either side in bright-lighted letters were the words "Merry Christmas and Happy Hearth's Warming Eve!"

"We decided to find out about Christmas and well... do something to make it a bit more Christmas-y for you here, Dan," Chrys said.

"You guys..." Dan said, nearly stunned. "You really did all this for me?"

They all nodded cheerily. "We didn't want you to feel left out, Dan," Twilight said. "We all pitched in and built this for you."

"And you dressed up as reindeer!" Dan exclaimed, going to each harnessed pony with a delighted expression on his face.

"Well, as close as reindeer as we're gonna get," Applejack corrected.

"And I... wouldn't advertise it to everypony," Rarity blushed.

Dan continued to marvel at the sleigh. "It's... perfect. Better than the chariot I had in Canterlot." He brushed his hand over the polished finish of the red vehicle, tears pressing on the corners of his eyes. "You guys..."

The ponies watched him and could see his reaction. "This is the best Christmas... AND Hearth's Warming present I've ever received." With that, Dan and the ponies shared a group hug so warm it practically melted the snow under them. "I'M NOT CRYING! It's... it's just cold."

"No, Dan," Chrys said, "it's not cold at all with you here." The hug grew tighter with that statement. Ponies noticed, held hooves to their chests and d'awwed at the sight in the street. Truly, the spirit of the season was alive and well. Whether it was Christmas, Hearth's Warming or both, hearts had never been warmer that moment in Ponyville.

"Now," Twilight said, "there's just one thing missing."

"What?" Dan asked, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"We need someone to drive the sleigh," she nodded over her shoulder.

Dan's face lit up like a Christmas tree. Without another word, he dashed up to a seat and took the reins of the sleigh.

"Excuse me," the mayor's sharp voice cut through both air and enthusiasm simultaneously, "but I believe you're all forgetting about our holiday regulations."

Two other stallions, a bright indigo Pegasus with a broken horn and a stallion on two metal legs in a lab coat stepped forward, each wearing smiles of their own. Though the two weren't interested in any holiday, they were about to do a lot of celebrating.





"Happy Hearth's Warming, my friends," the bipedal stallion smiled.

"Happy Hearth's Warming!!" Pinkie shouted and waved. Dan and the others were too perplexed at the appearance of the two other ponies to say anything. But it turned out, Twilight had something to say.

"Professor?"

"Professor?!" Dan and the others repeated, turning to Twilight in disbelief.

"Professor Vice Grip?" Twilight asked.

"Twilight Sparkle!" Vice exclaimed and the purple mare came running to him. "My brightest student! I heard about your coronation!"

Twilight blushed slightly at the mentioning of her princesshood but was happy her old professor still called her by her name without the title. "It's so good to see you again! How have you been?"

"I've been quite busy, actually, working to develop new inventions in time for the holiday season." The pair hugged, Vice wrapping his metal gauntlets around Twilight's shoulder in a friendly embrace. Seeing it kind of unnerved the rest of Twilight's friends, especially Dan. Lightning Claw, beside Mayor Mare also was discomforted by the display.

"Twilight?" Chrys asked, walking over to them, "would you... care to introduce us to your friend here?"

"PROFESSOR?!!" Dan growled in disbelief again.

The mare bashfully turned around. "This is Professor Vice Grip, he was one of my teachers at Princess Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns in Canterlot. He was one of the top science instructors the school ever had."

The lab coated stallion kindly accepted the accolades. "Please, I prefer just Vice. I've left the world of teaching to pursue a much more pertinent goal."

Chrys raised an eyebrow. "Wait... why would an earth pony teach at a school for gifted-"

"Shh-shh-shh," Spike whispered. "Just go with it."

Vice looked around Twilight. "Is that Spike I see over there?" The purple dragon waved. "My, seems like just yesterday you were hatched. Took us a while to fix the roof, if I recall," the stallion chuckled.

"What are you up to now, professor?" Twilight asked her former teacher.

"Yes, what ARE you up to?" Dan's tone questioned more motive than activity.

The upright stallion stood taller, seeming to stare over the heads of the other ponies and off into the distance. But not over Chrys' head. "Equestria is changing rapidly, Twilight. The rediscovery of the Crystal Empire, the presence of humans in our world, you becoming a princess, a lot is happening to our world very fast. But the population doesn't seem to be changing along with it, not fast enough, at least. It just seems like so many ponies are set in their ways, not seeing how quickly things can change. And then when something new happens, they find they're not prepared for it."

Twilight's gaze hit the ground when he mentioned that. "I know what you mean..." She didn't say more but part of her wanted to. What Vice Grip said rang true to her more than anypony else and she felt it. She knew her lessons on the magic of friendship weren't being applied the way she wanted them to, she didn't have a good enough relationship with the princesses or her family and she wasn't prepared for anything that had happened recently in her life. Except, strangely, Dan, Chrys and Fluffle Puff.

"Which is why I founded a corporation based in the Crystal Empire called Future Integrations Stable-Tec," Vice continued.

"We set it up on Kickstarter!" Lightning Claw added with a giddy smile. "We did a whole campaign, got donations and told ponies what we wanted to build for them was a better future today and soon everypony started donating bits and-'

Vice covered his comrade's muzzle. "We uh, we have quite a storied history in our short time since launching but mostly, we started with the name Future Integration and then we bought out a smaller company called Stable-Tec and acquired a lot of their technology, resources and a few underground structures they were building."

"That's amazing," Twilight said. "You started your own company?"

"On Kickstarter?" Dan asked, voice heavy with skepticism and contempt. The end of his question almost asked a pained "really?"

"Yes, and it's now one of the chief security providers and research corporations in Equestria," Vice proudly stated. He rubbed his chin. "Speaking of security, I heard a certain princess received a new royal guard recently," he smiled at Twilight.

The purple princess' wings fluttered as she stepped back, allowing Vice full view of all her friends, most of which harnessed to the sleigh. Except for Pinkie, who walked back into frame sipping some hot cocoa from a nearby street vendor. She gestured out with her hoof. "These are all my friends I've met since moving to Ponyville."

"WE'VE actually met already," Dan said in an aggressive tone. "BOTH of you. But YOU," he pointed to Lightning, "you're that pony that jumped me in the Everfree Forest!"

Lightning backed away at the accusation. "I uh, I was just-" Sparks of electricity flicked at his hooves as he instinctively drew on his powers. Consciously, he knew Vice didn't want him to use his abilities in front of other ponies lest they ask questions but he sometimes couldn't help it. Dan's aggression was making his emotions flare and his body began producing electricity as a precautionary defense, one which threatened to blow his cover.

Fortunately, Vice stepped in between the two. "I can explain that," he clasped his hands behind his back. Dan stopped and met the gaze of the standing stallion, willing to hear what he had to say but already convinced it was total buck. But Dan knew Vice was smart, so it was going to be long, clever buck.

"I do apologize for my associate's earlier actions against you in the Everfree Forest, Dan," Vice's hands clasped behind his back, locking together with a steel clack. "I'd tasked Mr. Claw with overseeing Flim and Flam's distribution of our commercial-model Magic Gears and he perceived you as a threat."

"Um, yes," Lightning Claw stepped forward, timidly but faithfully. "I... I uh, I thought you were a monster or something... in the Everfree, I mean. There's all sorts of monsters there and I thought you meant to harm our distribution process," he explained, bashfully rubbing the back of his neck with a hoof. He and Vice had rehearsed this charade but he still didn't know if Dan would buy it.

Dan remained skeptical, but he had nothing else to go on. "I... probably would have," the human admitted. "I didn't trust Flim or Flam OR whatever they were trying to sell for that matter."

Vice Grip nodded, much to his surprise. "And you had good reason not to. It turned out, the two of them had grossly altered my design without approval and without my knowledge, causing all sorts of problems with our customers. I do apologize for the misunderstanding, though, and take full responsibility for all FIST's employees in the matter."

Dan's eyes were still narrow at both the ponies but he decided not to press the issue. "Certainly," the human replied, his tone not hiding every ounce of distrust he felt towards them. He didn't trust most other beings, though, he was learning to trust more lately. But for some reason, Vice reminded him of something all too familiar from Earth, something more than just a salesman, a bureaucrat or a politician.

Vice was the only pony Dan had met that wanted to change Equestria, disagreed with everything around him that everypony else thought was great. Dan wasn't aware of it, but somehow, Vice Grip reminded Dan of something he never thought he'd ever find on Equestria.

Himself.

"You're the one who developed Magic Gear?" Twilight asked. "Including the one at Canterlot?"

Vice nodded again. "Yes, KNIGHT/ROOK was our early prototype of the Magic Gear defense system, a final solution to all the threats facing Equestria. Future Integrations Stable-Tec, or FIST, was contracted by Princess Luna to provide our nation with the ultimate defense to things like monsters, invaders rogue arcanists, errr-" Twilight and a few of the others raised eyebrows at the term 'arcanists'.

Not a polite phrase to use in front of magic-users, the word "arcanist" was a derogatory, though very old, remark used to describe unicorns or other magic-users to those who had no knowledge of sorcery. Typically, it was heard in areas where the use of magic was exceedingly rare and still looked on with a good amount of fear and uncertainty, referred to simply as "the arcane." To use it in front of a princess was unheard of.

Vice cleared his throat to cover his mistake. "*ahem* uh, magic-users and other dangers to Equestria. Each Magic Gear was designed to be the watchful protector of ponies, built in the image of the citizens it protects as a message to those who may try to attack us."

Having not harped on the use of the word arcanist, Dan continued his dialogue. "Yeah, you mentioned that in Cloudsdale. I also remember you saying you're concerned with the future of Equestria."

"That's right," Vice returned to enthusiasm, "that's what FIST is about, after all. Delivering the future of Equestria today through advanced technology, research and social integration."

Dan raised an eyebrow. "And through giant pony robots? That you can barely control?"

"Barely control?" Vice asked. "Whatever do you mean by-"

Dan stomped over to him. "Barely control, as in, you don't control them. The one under Canterlot Castle nearly nuked the town and you already said Flim and Flam modified the others. AND your... 'associate'" he gestured to Lightning Claw, "flew off the handle and into my face here, so tell me how am I to believe you've got things 'under control', mister Grip?"

The brown stallion quickly regained his composure. "I can tell you're very concerned about the safety of Equestria, my friend," he patted him on the back with a metal glove. "And as I said, each of the prototypes you encountered were modified without my knowledge. But they are indeed my responsibility so you are absolutely right; we could indeed have handled the situation better. Which is why I'm here today."

Boss approaching...

"FIST is here as a gesture of goodwill to Ponyville," Mayor Mare said. "With my permission, they've organized their own addition to the annual Hearth's Warming Eve gift giving celebration."

Boss approaching...

Chrys raised an eyebrow at the three. "What kind of addition?"

An uncomfortable sensation hit Dan in the stomach. "Oh... oh no..."

Lightning Claw closed his eyes smugly and stepped forward with a confident smirk. "Using research we gathered from previous iterations, FIST has designed a new Magic Gear that's gonna change the way ponies celebrate the holidays."

"A... a new Magic Gear? Here?" Concern finally found its way into Twilight's tone.

Vice Grip beamed. "Just in time for Hearth's Warming, we thought we'd surprise Ponyville with a present the whole town can enjoy...." his smile grew just a little too wide as he added, "that all of Equestria can enjoy."

Dan looked back and fourth quickly. "Well? Where is it?" he demanded. He put an ear to the ground. "Let me guess, huge panels are going to peel back and it's gonna rise out of the ground from a secret platform hidden underneath. Is that it?"

Warning! Boss arrival imminent!

Vice regarded the human kneeling on the frozen ground. "Not this time, my friend." A dark shadow cast over the ponies. It scrawled past them and soon the entire group was in the shade. Confused faces turned to the sky, followed by dropping jaws. Dan had to be hoisted off the ground by Chrys but soon he understood what they were all looking at.

"Not some prototype, not a commercial model, nope, this is the real deal, folks!" Vice announced loudly. The object blocking out the sun descended to the streets of Ponyville on twin metallic wings that reflected light off the edges. Air was blasted by the group as four leg-attached jets carried the colossal metal pony to just above the road.

Lightning Claw stepped to the side to address the 'captive audience'. "Fresh off the assembly line, the first OFFICIAL Equestrian defense system, approved by Princess Luna herself," Vice's voice joined his in announcing, "Magic Gear ACE!"




Anti-Alicorn Mobile Assault Weapons Platform Mk. 1
Magic Gear ACE
The Gift that Keeps On Crushing



"WAIT JUST A MINUTE!!" Dan shouted. He ran up to Twilight's side and pointed at the machine, "How is that monstrosity even relevant to Hearth's Warming Eve?!"

Pinkie tapped her head, making a distinct hollow plunk each time with her hoof. "It could be a decoration! A really BIIIIG decoration!" she suggested.

"Noooo," Dan dismissed. "The mayor said ALL the decorations had to be Hearth's Warming Eve-themed or that could cause confusion... whatever that means."

Chrys turned to the mayor, "Really, Mayor Mare, that's kind of pushing it to deny Dan like that."

The mayor facehooved. "If ANYPONY thinks they can do a better job of holding this town together for the holidays, they are MOST welcome to try."

The changeling transformed into an exact copy of Mayor Mare on the spot. "Challenge accepted."

Before the two Mayor Mares could fight further, Dan stepped forward and bellowed, "That STILL doesn't explain how this latest contraption is Hearth's Warming Eve approved!! So unless you can do that, I'm gonna-"

Vice rose a hand. "One moment." From his coat pocket, he withdrew a small remote control. The moment Dan saw it, he knew he was going to regret calling Vice out on it. Without hesitation, the pony pressed a button on the remote and the large robot deployed a lit-up green wreath from around its neck.

Dan frowned. "Deck my halls."





Magic Gear ACE's glowing visual sensors narrowed at Dan. The forty-foot festively-themed filly crouched slightly, lowering itself just a bit into a pre-predatory stance. Dan and the others didn't notice its change in posture, the creature now acting like a large, playful pony-cat before cornered mice. But Vice noticed; it was another reason why he held the remote firmly.

Despite the fact Vice's original plans for the Magic Gear didn't include an A.I, he had to admit, Luna's modification was practical. As the first in the line of production-model Magic Gears, ACE was designed to be piloted from the cockpit located in her "head." Learning from the defeat of KNIGHT only two short weeks ago, Vice had decided that having multiple control options was for the better. Now, ACE and her sisters could be controlled either manually from inside, via remote control or by voice recognition.

"I don't care what you say. That thing has nothing to do with Hearth's Warming Eve!!"

Mayor Mare gave a frustrated, head-shaking sigh. "They filled out the proper paperwork, they applied in advance, they-"

Vice placed a hand on the mayor's shoulder. "Please, mayor, allow me." He looked across to Dan and smiled. "Of course, Dan. You know all the cultural details of the Hearth's Warming, don't you?" his voice was heavy with snide sarcasm. "You've been in Equestria for what, a year now? I'm sure you're well-versed on all our customs."

Dan's fists balled. The giant robot in front of them may have had his attention but now, the human's glare was fixated solely on the smiling, bipedal stallion who introduced it. 

Vice knew more about Dan than the young man realized, another fact he found infuriating. He knew Dan's fury had many triggers but that it ultimately was more offensive than defensive, which, like Magic Gear, made it the perfect defense mechanism. Dan got angry and sought vengeance at many things; individuals that annoyed him, bureaucracies that restrained him, regulations and systems that inconvenienced him, but whenever Dan lashed out at something, it was usually at least partly justified. And Vice knew Dan needed justification.

People like Dan were usually so angry, so vindictive when provoked, that most individuals wouldn't ever intentionally try to make them mad. But Vice knew that was the point. In so doing, Vice knew that the best way to deal with Dan's rage was actually to provoke him in ways he couldn't justify retribution. Pushing Dan's buttons, that was his weakness. Because if you knew which buttons to press, you could control him just as easily as you could Magic Gear. And Vice simply knew of the best instrument of all to push Dan's buttons with:

The truth.

Twilight noticed Dan's rage building, the snow underneath him practically evaporating. She walked over and grabbed his arm with her hooves. "Dan..." her voice tried to calm him. But he still seethed. It was then Twilight realized what to do. Eyes narrowed, she walked in front of Dan, much to everypony else's surprise.

"Miss Mayor, I know how hard the holidays are for you," she turned to her friends and gestured with the wave of a hoof, "They're tough on all of us. They can cause strain between the closest friends and families because we all expect so much. But there are always little things we can do, things to show each other that we care and can get along and all have a happy holiday."

"That's right!" Chrys jumped up to Twilight's side. She also quickly changed back to her normal form, having previously been Mayor Mare. "That's why we built this sleigh... and wore these ridiculous antlers."

"And I don't think Dan did anything to prevent anypony from having a happy Hearth's Warming," Twilight proudly proclaimed. Her friends agreed with a resounding "Yeah!", assembling around her, Dan and Chrys, even pulling the sleigh closer to show their unwavering support.

Dan's rage melted into confidence, happiness and... love. Feeling his friends all around him, he turned back to Twilight. "I did my best to bring Christmas to Ponyville... but it was already here. Thank you, thank you so much... Twilight." The two hugged, which quickly turned into yet another group hug.

Lightning Claw shed a couple tears at the display before being nudged by Vice. But even Magic Gear ACE behind them had a couple robotic sniffles from watching such good friends. The mayor simply adjusted her glasses.

"You still defaced the whole town, Mr. Dan," Mayor Mare said. "I told you this could cause confusion to those from out-of-town if we were to just have another impromptu holiday on the same day. You changed every decoration in town and quite possibly set back our entire event schedule. We're going to have to change them back before we can even begin Hearth's Warming."

The group groaned, Fluffle blew a disapproving "PHBBBBBBBBBBBTTT" but Twilight stood her ground.  She thought; there had to be something that connected Christmas and Hearth's Warming together. Then she realized the answer was all around her.

"I don't think we need to change anything. Do you, Dan?"

"What?" Dan asked, not understanding.

Chrys caught on immediately. "No... no, I think Dan's festive adornments are quite the addition to Hearth's Warming."

"My animals enjoy it," Fluttershy said.

"And Cloudsdale finally got to see snow instead of making it!" Rainbow Dash added.

"I don't think Sweet Apple Acres has ever looked more festive," AJ commented.

"My winter clothing line's gotten some much-needed flare added to it as well," Rarity chimed in.

And then Pinkie Pie bounced forward. "EVERYTHING IS DIFFERENT!! It's like Opposite Day and Hearth's Warming Eve combined! OOOOH! Let's call it OPPOSITE DAN!!"

"No."

"FIIIIIIIINE." The cocoa was making her more hyper than usual.

"And as for the rest of the town, I don't think Dan's done anything to deface the current decorations," Twilight remarked. "In fact, I think Dan's made them even better."

Mayor Mare bit her tongue. "I... I suppose that..."

"Better?" Vice scoffed. "Trying to replace a beloved holiday our nation has celebrated for generations with some foreign pseudo-pagan ritual, of course, that's much better than our time-honored traditions, thank you," he said sarcastically.

"You can't ignore the fact that what you did was still vandalism, Dan," Lightning said to the human.

The mayor groaned. "That, that is still true, Princess Twilight."

"Not if he modified them as a result of safety concerns," Chrys said. "As a member of the Sparkle Guard, he has the authority to alter standing public structures in accordance with security regulations."

"We haven't updated those in years!" the mayor protested. "That law was meant for putting up new banners and red carpets for when the princesses came to visit! It hasn't applied in years and only when a princess arrives!!"

Twilight raised her hoof. "Ima princess."

"UGGGH!!" the mayor yelled. "Why must everypony insist on making things so difficult?!"

"Mayor," Chrys came forward, "this is what we want. What we all want for Dan. Can we just have that?"

The mayor looked to the pleading faces of the mane 6, all in antlers and harnessed to a ramshackle red sleigh. They looked back at her with extra-wide innocent eyes, even Fluttershy did the stare and Fluffle Puff held up a sign prompting the audience to go "d'awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww."

"Fine, fine, fine!" the mayor threw up her hooves. "I swear, I am retiring after this!" The elder political mare stormed off through the snow.

"Um, mayor?" Lightning tried to stop her. "Mayor! Our demonstration?"

"You're on your own, boys. Happy/merry Hearth'smas/whatever day!"

Lightning's outstretched hoof lowered as the mayor departed quickly. It was times like these he questioned his partnership with Vice, and when he did, he was immediately reminded of his own broken horn. He rubbed it self-consciously, generating just a little static electricity with his hooves. It was an odd habit but had the side effect of releasing excess electricity.

"Vice,... sir, maybe we should pack it up?" he tugged on his mentor's coat. "We could try this another day, after the holidays. Or we could make our own holiday!" He suddenly became excited at his own suggestion. Lightning hopped shook Vice's hand enthusiastically, trying to get a response from him. "Come on, boss! We can make our own holiday! Like... FIST-Day! Or combine our names! Umm... Vrightning! No, uh, Lice Clip!" his eyes widened for a moment. "Okay... that sounds terrible, scratch that. But we could pick a new day, Vice, come on!"

Vice was silent, staring an impenetrable gaze at Twilight, Dan and the others. A victorious group of colorful antler-wearing heroes merrily celebrated and danced together. Behind him, Magic Gear ACE began drawing a picture in the snow with her hooves, dragging them so deep into the snow they plowed to the hard ground beneath.

The bipedal stallion checked the time on his gauntlet's watch display. "Lightning Claw, I believe it's time for us to open our presents."

Lightning Claw knew what that meant and swallowed hard.





The momentary celebration ended when Dan and company noticed Vice giving them a stare colder than the snow they were standing on from a few feet away.

"What's the matter?" Chrys asked. "You guys aren't going with the mayor?"

"Professor!" Twilight called. "Professor, would you like to celebrate Christmas and Hearth's Warming Eve with us?" Despite the conflict, Twilight was eager to try and reach out in spite of their differences. While some might of seen that as naïve, it was just in her nature.

"IT'S A DOUBLE HOLIDAY!!" Pinkie shouted, jumping up and down. "That means double the parties! Double cake, double punch, double dancing, doubling down, double dutch, double dipping, Double Dragon-"

"Double duct tape," Dan finished, holding up some packing tape in front of Pinkie Pie. The pink mare quieted down in response.

"Just kidding! It's Christmas!" Dan used the tape to adorn the mare's mane with mistletoe. Pinkie smiled, happy that her exuberance had a place. "Hey!" Dan called to Vice, cohort and massive metal mech pony, "You guys wanna join us for a Christmas party? You're welcome to come over if you park that thing outside the house."

Chrys leaned over to Dan. "You're actually going to invite... them? And the robot?" She looked over to Vice and the other broken-horned alicorn, Lightning Claw. It looked as though Vice's subordinate was trying to get him to reconsider, almost like Twilight urging Dan not to go through with something.

"Why not? It's the spirit of the season. They'll be fine!" He said with uncharacteristic glee. Then he added with a sadistic grin, "And they'll be in range of the turrets."

"You can't solve every problem by shooting it, Dan," Chrys warned.

"I NEVER GET TO SOLVE ANYTHING BY SHOOTING IT!" Dan yelled. "In case you hadn't noticed, we haven't used ANY of my security systems, plans, equipment, strategies or procedures for anything!"

"We tried to blast our way into Canterlot," she reminded him.

Dan shook his head. "That WAS a security system! So it doesn't count!"

Chrys raised an eyebrow. "How does that not-"

"HEY! Do you guys wanna-"

"ENOUGH!!" Vice bellowed. Lightning Claw was taken aback, as were the others. Magic Gear ACE snapped to attention at the sound of its creator's voice booming. "Enough of this farce. I came here to deliver a presentation and it's about time I delivered," he spun around, taking the controls in hand.

"What kind of demonstration?!" Dan shouted back, advancing to where Twilight stood. "Don't tell me that thing sings holiday tunes?"

"Dan," Twilight cautioned her friend but he was already continuing.

"Honestly, what does a giant robot have to do with Hearth's Warming Eve?" Dan yelled at him but his back was turned, fiddling with the controller for the Magic Gear. "You talk a lot about what a great innovation that thing is but the last three you've made have only wound up demolishing whatever they try to protect. You after some kind of protection racket?"

"Vice," Lightning Claw lifted a beckoning hoof, "Vice, bossbud, please. We talked about this."

"Yes, we did," Vice agreed, his tone malicious.

"We're just going to do the snowcones, the lights and the launcher, right?" Claw asked, hopeful. Vice gave no answer. "Vice?"

"I wasn't anticipating to unveil this until tomorrow but I guess now's as good a time as any," Vice said.

Dan had enough of being ignored. He stomped up to the lab coated stallion and pulled him around by the shoulder. Vice didn't even look up at Dan. "You talk a lot about wanting what's best for Equestria but all your mechanical garbage has caused more harm than good so far. So what is it? What are you planning?!"

"One moment..." Vice said.

"ANSWER ME!!" To say that Dan didn't trust Vice was an understatement. But he had no evidence that he was untrustworthy, just that he had a bad attitude. And that made him more uncomfortable to Dan than anything else.

An electrified hoof separated Dan from Vice Grip. Lightning Claw stepped between his superior and the aggravated human. A single glare for the indigo subordinate to send a clear message to everyone that this was not the time for messing around.

The controller finally beeped. ACE's eyes blinked and turned a cold blue. "Magic Gear ACE online."

"You want to know what my plan is, Dan?" Vice asked rhetorically. "You want to know what Magic Gear is for?"

"Vice," Lightning tried to caution one last time. But of course, it was to be for naught.

Vice continued flipping the controls, typing in commands to ACE as he spoke. "I'm delivering Equestria's future, Dan. Equestria was founded on Hearth's Warming and today... its future is."

Lights appeared all along the sides of Magic Gear ACE. The wreath around its neck disappeared and its horn began to glow an icy blue that grew to a darker purple.

"Professor..." Twilight asked, her voice holding a concerned innocence. "Professor, what do you mean?"

He smiled at Twilight. "I'm happy you're here to see this, Twilight. This involves you, too."

"It does?" Twilight didn't like this. Vice wasn't acting anything like he had been when she knew him long ago. She was beginning to get suspicious, the same way she'd been suspicious when Chrys impersonated Cadence at her brother's wedding. Something was very, very wrong. "Professor, does Luna really approve of this demonstration?"

"Magic Gear is a gift to Equestria," Vice ignored the question. "And my personal gift to our princesses. For today, you will finally get a real holiday." He spun around to the Magic Gear. "This is the real power of Magic Gear! Activate the Celestial Grip!!"

"Celestial Grip online." Magic Gear ACE's horn pulsed. Ripples of magic, other-worldly force exuded in waves around the horn and coalesced into a ring around the base. Energy built around its hooves, circulating into its body as it drew extra magic from the environment itself.

"I think we might want to get behind something..." Chrys said, huddling behind Dan. The human stood his ground, gritting his teeth as the display continued.

Wind whipped around Twilight and Dan, making it hard for them to stand against the cold rush. "Dan!" Twilight called, "I think we should have approval over public demonstrations from now on!"

Dan covered his eyes with his arm, still staring at the glowing gear. "All you had to say was screw the mayor! I'm on board!"

Fluffle Puff's eyes locked with Vice's. "That's what he wants," she whispered, not loud enough to hear.

ACE's horn fired a purple bolt into the sky, lighting up the entire town as it ascended. It blew past the clouds, farther and farther up into space. With a thunder clap, it was gone. The town fell silent.

The group opened their eyes.

"Is that it?" Rainbow asked.

"I'm happy it's over..." Fluttershy commented.

Vice wagged a metal finger. "Not quite. Wait just a minute..." he pointed up at the sky. Cloud cover obscured their view. There was nothing to indicate that anything had happened at all. "Just... give it a minute."

Finally, a break in the clouds appeared. It took a moment for them to notice but then finally, they all saw it at once.

"What... is that?" Chrys asked.

"What did you do to the sun?!" Twilight asked, shocked.

High in the sky above Equestria, the sun had taken on its own 'decoration'. A dark purple gear surrounded the yellow sphere, a similar one around ACE's horn.





Dan, Twilight, Chrys and their friends were stunned speechless by the ominous display. There was no remark Dan could make because the danger almost spoke for itself. Neither was there a witty response for Chrys to make or something funny for Pinkie to say. For the first time, it was just too serious, too concerning for any of them to make light of.  And that's exactly what Vice Grip wanted. 

The moment was perfect and for once, none of Dan or Twilight's friends could do anything to ruin it. So naturally, genius ruins it for himself.

"Hahahahaha! Impressed?" he asked the awestruck group. "That's right! That's right! I have the power to control the sun now!" He practically hopped through the snow, pacing back and fourth in front of the Magic Gear like a giddy school filly. His smile couldn't have been brighter as he took in the expressions on their faces.

"You really don't have anything to say, do you? Not even the pink ones!" Vice said, pleased with himself. "I think now you all finally understand the TRUE power of Magic-" *CRUNGK* Too pleased with himself to look where he was going. The proud professor tripped over the edge of Magic Gear ACE's left hoof, the toe of his own metallic leg clanking against the chrome and face-planting him into the snow.

"Self-defense mode engaged."

"...Gear...ugh," Vice finished, lifting his head up. The remote control for ACE, the size and shape of any radio-controlled toy controller, had been in the grip of his right gauntlet when he fell. The metal hand had apparently crushed it but not before triggering the robot's defenses.

"Professor... Vice Grip!" Twilight yelled, eyes darting between the two gears. "What have you done?!" Unlike Earth's sun, Equestria's sun was capable of being viewed from the planet's surface. This made it easier for Celestia to maintain, especially during that time of the month when the solar flares cropped up, even though she often controlled the sun with her eyes closed. But never had it been done by any other pony, by any method other than magic, and that is what shocked and, honestly, horrified Twilight Sparkle.

Vice Grip, still getting up after losing pretty much all composure, cleaned the moisture off his muzzle. He was about to answer Twilight's question with a raised metal finger when Lightning Claw appeared behind him.

"Oh, hey, you got it to work! Cool!" Lightning said while munching on a snow cone.

The lab coated scientist was about to chastise his subordinate for showing lack of confidence in their invention when he noticed what Lightning had in his right hoof. "What's that you're eating?"

"Snow cone," the indigo-pink pony replied, casually taking another bite. "Five bits for three flavors. I got lime, cherry and blue raspberry!"

Vice practically face-gloved. "You bought a snow cone?"

"Yeah, they're selling 'em over by the-"

"Why would you BUY a snow cone?!" Vice interrupted in frustration. "Look around you! What do you see on the ground?!"

Lightning innocently took in his surroundings. "Snow," he replied.

"Exactly! There's snow all around us!" Vice yelled, enraged at his colleague. "So why would you spend money on something that's literally falling out of the sky?!"

"I like snow cones~" Lightning said with a squee-inducing smile.

Twilight and friends had now turned their attention to Vice Grip and Lightning and once again found themselves bewildered. In this middle of this dangerous show of force, the two ponies were arguing. And yet, something about it felt familiar.

Chrys leaned over to Twilight's ear. "Those two arguing, is it just me or do they remind you of... someone else we know?"

"It does..." Twilight said. She then looked up to the sun again while the pair continued arguing. "There's something too familiar about all of this..."

"You're wasting OUR money!" Vice shouted. "There's snow all around us and you just PAID somepony for it!"

"Yeah, well... it doesn't have three flavors," Lightning defended, holding the snow cone away from Vice. "And it isn't in cone-form. Snow's always better when it's in cone-form."

Vice Grip rubbed his temple in frustration. "Your head must be in cone-form for it to fit so far up your-"

"Vice Grip!" Twilight interjected, "What is the meaning of all of this? The sun is Princess Celestia's responsibility, she's the only pony who can move it!"

"Oh, but that's the idea!" Vice turned to face the group again. "Now, everypony in Equestria will have the power to control the sun. Not just one privileged alicorn."

"Professor," Twilight stepped closer, trying to reason with him. She knew something wasn't right but she had to try to get through to her former teacher somehow. "Professor, this is too much power for anypony but the princess to have. The sun has always been Princess Celestia's responsibility. Did you even ask her permission before you... you did this?"

Vice was about to say something when Lightning answered for him. "Nope!" the horned Pegasus called out. Vice Grip seethed at his comrade's response.

"You built a robot that can control the sun and you didn't even ask the one pony that's done it before? Literally EVERY DAY for the past millennium?!!" Dan demanded, asking his own questions. "Did you consult with ANYPONY who knows ANYTHING about astronomy before building this thing??!"

"No again!" Lightning yelled happily, starting to have a good time himself.

Chrys piped up. "Did you at least try to test it first?"

"Yep!" Lightning answered again. "If you're counting just now!" he added with a laugh.

"Enough!" Vice Grip shouted angrily. "Why would I ask those pompous, pretentious little princesses for anything?"

Twilight and the others gasped.

"You don't talk about the princesses that way!" Fluttershy was the first to yell.

"YOU are no gentlecolt!" Rarity added.

"You just done crossed the line, pardner," Applejack pulled down her Stetson.

"You better start apologizing right now, bub," Rainbow Dash threatened.

"I'M PINK AS HECK AND I'M NOT GONNA BAKE IT ANY MORE!!" Pinkie Pie declared, tossing a tray of cupcakes she spontaneously appeared with at Vice Grip. The tray and cargo splatted into the snow a few feet away from Vice, who didn't flinch at the ponies defending their sovereign. Lightning picked up a cupcake from the snow, dusted it off and began munching it.

"Mmm... I guess you can call that the mane six second rule," Lightning snacked.

Vice scoffed at the display. "Since when is there a rule for developing technology to reposition stars? There's no laws or decrees saying I can't try to control the sun on my own."

"It's common sense!" Dan spoke out. In a line with all the ponies and Spike beside him, he rose to defend Equestria with them. "You don't know anything about the sun or magic! You should've consulted with the princesses before pulling this crazy stunt!"

Vice's menacing expression quickly broke into a grin. "The same way the princesses consult with anypony else?"

"That's why we're doing this," Lightning, having finished his treats, joined his friend at his side. "To show ponies that FIST cares about the future enough to share it with everypony. Thanks to Vice, all of us can control the sun and the moon now."

"And to demonstrate that anypony can control the sun, we've invited a special guest to test Magic Gear ACE's Celestial Grip capabilities," Vice gestured off to the side. A small brown colt with a propeller cap and backpack came walking up towards the other ponies and took a side by Vice Grip.

Dan and company gasped in disbelief once again when they saw who it was.

"Hi Twilight!" Button Mash waved to the group. "I'm with the bad guys!"

Vice and Lightning facepalm/hooved. "Button, we're not bad guys; we're innovators."

"You're into what?" Button asked, perplexed.

Lightning Claw knelt down to the smaller colt. "Button Mash, we're not evil. We're rebelling against an oppressive government by offering technological advancements to everypony in order to redistribute power back to the masses from its tyrannical overlords we're overthrowing."

The young gamer turned his confused expression to Lightning Claw. "You're into what?" he asked again. The entire group, including Magic Gear ACE, facepalm/hooved. Button held up a stack of papers. "It says right here in the script that FIST are the bad guys and Magic Gear is a weapon built by an evil mad stallion. That's you guys, right?"

Lightning Claw snatched the script and whapped Button Mash in the head with it. A shower of confetti rained upon the two as the paper struck the side of Button's face.


Best Original 4th-wall Break Involving Two OCs and a Copy of The Story within The Story Award: 2015!
(Applaud yourselves too, audience. It's not a 4th-wall break without you.)


"Button Mash," Dan said in a reprimanding tone, "why are you with THEM in the first place?"

"Um," the young pony scratched his chin. "What am I supposed to do again?"

Vice handed the youngster the Magic Gear control. "You're going to be the first pony in Equestria to move the sun by Magic Gear!" he said enthusiastically.

"Oh, okay. Gotcha," the gamer confirmed. As with every pre-adolescent, two seconds was all he needed to examine and fully understand a piece of sophisticated technology. After examining the buttons and nobs on the damaged controller, Button Mash was now an expert in its operation by way of the law of young kids and new video games.

Satisfied, the scientist turned back to his captive audience. "I'm a pony of my word. ANYPONY will be able to control the sun using our Magic Gear. And to show you how, our volunteer Button Mash will now turn the sun forward three hours!"

"Vice Grip, don't!" Twilight warned. "This is wrong! You need to talk to Princess Celestia first! You need to talk to ANYPONY first!" Her wings flared. Twilight Sparkle had had enough and was about to exercise her own powers to stop the demonstration, the others could tell that. "You need to stop and think!"

"Nopony wants you to do this, pal!" Dan added his voice to Twilight's. "I'm ordering you to stop this nonsense before somepony gets hurt! NAMELY BOTH OF YOU!!"

"Duly noted," Vice responded venomously. "Button, mash it."

But the young colt had disappeared.

"Button? Button Mash?" Vice looked around. He even looked under one of ACE's hooves until Lightning tapped him on the shoulder.

"I'm sorry boss but that was all the screen time his mom would allow him to have."

Vice glared at Lightning but was more angry at the situation. He grabbed the control from his subordinate's hooves and keyed in the controls to move the sun himself.

"Celestial Grip Activated: control time plus three hours initiated. Commencing..."

Dan and the others looked in helpless horror as the Magic Gear responded. It lifted its head higher and pulled with its horn. The purple gear around the sun spun faster, silently rotating and pushing the star through the sky. Shadows on the ground bent in accordance with the sun's new position, nature and the measurement of time now dictated by a new master.

Twilight's mouth was agape, so were that of the other ponies and even Dan. Fluttershy covered her head with her hooves, Rainbow Dash hovered off the ground but they were all equally powerless to stop the maniacal manipulations of the mad stallion's Magic Gear. Within a few moments, the sun shuddered as it reached its new location and the purple gear slowed again.

"Time established. Awaiting further commands."

Vice Grip and Lightning smiled. The two practically high-fived; they couldn't have been more proud of themselves. "We did it! We did it!" they chanted merrily.

Magic Gear ACE wasn't really in a condition to celebrate. The purple spell gears around both the sun and ACE quickly dissipated while Vice and Lightning rejoiced. ACE lowered her head and her horn stopped glowing, unable to keep the spell up any longer.

Unbeknownst to many ponies, the magical power required to reposition bodies like the sun and the moon was quite intense. For a pony to do so, it required extensive magical knowledge, strength and skill to even attempt to move something like the sun. Even for Celestia and Luna, the daily task required a great deal of concentration and magic. It was honestly very physically taxing, even for them who had the burden of performing the ritual every day for the past thousand years.

"Hey... you notice something?" Chrys asked, pointing a hoof.

Twilight sighed. "How they just like Dan and we do? Yeah, I noticed," the princess's head lowered. "Was kind of trying not to." 

"No," Chrys shook her head. She picked up Twilight's and pointed again. "The robot! Look!"

It took a moment to realize what had happened to ACE. The giant metal pony's features weren't immediately noticeable from up close but the robot seemed to be bobbing its head and flexing. No... it was panting.

"Haa... haa..." The coolant was causing moisture to condense around its head and neck, effectively sweating. The filly's massive chassis heaved and its air intake worked in overdrive. Moving the sun was something Vice understood scientifically but magic was about more than numbers. On pen and paper, Magic Gear ACE should've been fully capable of moving any celestial object with ease for a considerable amount of time with little effort. But actually moving the sun and the moon required a little bit more which ACE didn't have very much of.

"It's... it's tired," Twilight said. "It looks like it's exhausted."

"Maybe it needs new batteries," Pinkie said.

"Or Vice Grip the Science Dip didn't wind it up enough," Rainbow suggested.

"We've made a first today!" Vice Grip announced. "FIST is the first organization in Equestria to offer solar repositioning services for an affordable price! Farmers, solar farmers, sun bathers, ponies will line up for days to get a turn on Magic Gear! And we'll be able to decide how long days are!"

"The news is gonna spread like wildfire!" Lightning Claw hovered happily. "They're sure to put a Magic Gear in every city now! We'll finally be able to fully control the weather no matter what!"

Twilight's teeth were gritted but she didn't know what to say. What could she do? As a princess, a pony or whatever else she was?

"You've both done it now!" Dan suddenly shouted. "You disobeyed a princess! And her royal security advisor!"

Vice rose an eyebrow at the human's accusation. "Oh? And what law is it we've broken, captain? Since you know so much about our regulations." Both he and Lightning chuckled at Dan, laughing at the primate's predicament.

"This was a scientific demonstration. I'm sure Princess Twilight Sparkle can appreciate our efforts to learn from Princess Celestia," Vice said innocently. "I'm certain all the princesses will be more than lenient. After all, it is a holiday."

Twilight's cheeks burned. Her former professor had maneuvered all of them into a position where it was hard to do anything, even say anything. The situation was not in their favor.

Dan got down on Twilight's level, holding her by the shoulders. "Twilight, we can't let him get away with this. He's endangering all of Equestria!"

"I know..." Twilight said. "But he's right. There's no rule forbidding this and the princesses would overlook it... it's a holiday."

Chrys' eyes lit up. "It is! It's Hearth's Warming Eve!" The group turned to the hopping changeling.

"Yeah... he only moved the sun three hours," Dashie said. "Still plenty of daylight left."

"No, Vice said that this whole thing was a HOLIDAY demonstration!" Chrys exclaimed. "And as a security advisor, Dan has the authority to determine whether holiday displays violates safety regulations!"

"And I say your machine isn't up to code!" Dan declared. "You disobeyed direct instructions from me NOT to go through with your little show and jeopardized the safety of the whole world in the process!"

"Please," Vice Grip batted away the accusation. "I have express permission from Mayor Mare." Lightning Claw started sweating, despite the cold.

"Technically," Twilight interjected, "Dan's authority on issues of safety supersedes the mayor's when it comes to the safety of a princess."

Dan folded his arms, smiling at the lab coated stallion. The tables had turned once again.

Vice Grip's smile had vanished. "Um... I, uh..."

"So, Vice Grip, what do you have to say for yourself?" Chrys asked.

The genius professor thought but couldn't come up with anything other than. "Um... Merry Christmas?"

The group, now bolstered with confidence was about to give Vice the gift of judgment when a low rumble was heard. Not from Magic Gear, not from anything nearby.

"What? What's that noise?" Vice asked.

"THE GIFT EXCHANGE!" Pinkie shouted. "IT'S STARTED EARLY!!!"

From the southern part of town where the Ponyville residents had collected the gifts for Cloudsdale and Canterlot, cannon fire was heard. Low booms and thunder echoed as presents were launched from one city to the other. While not the most orthodox method of delivery, it was a Hearth's Warming tradition.

"Why would the gift exchange... oh," Twilight realized. "It's because YOU tampered with the sun! The whole town thinks the festival's now instead of in three hours!"

Vice shrugged. "What difference does it make? So, we've lost three hours. I can easily adjust it so we can regain the time we lost, no harm done."

Unfortunately, Magic Gear ACE had something else to say about that.

"Self-defense mode engaged."

"What?" Vice asked. He and Lightning turned around to see what the machine was doing. Despite having its power drained, the robot was beginning to deploy its various defensive weapons.

"Auto-cannons online, missile tracking system online."

"I knew it! I knew it!" Dan shouted, hopping up and down. "I knew that thing was gonna go crazy and try to destroy everything!"

"Calm down," Vice chastised. "It's programmed to obey my voice first, this will just take a moment," he turned back to the machine. "Command override! Disengage!"

"Power levels at 50%. Voice recognition unavailable. Please input manual instruction."

"Ohhhhhhhh crap," Vice muttered. Another reason why there were multiple command interfaces was in the event the machine was able to determine one from the other. But of course, there was always the chance that they'd all get impaired at once.

From the sky, balloon, parasol and parachute guided gifts descended to Ponyville as part of Cloudsdale's gift exchange. Other presents began appearing magically at the doorsteps of houses from unicorns in Canterlot. And of course, cannons and catapults from both Ponyville and Canterlot continued a steady barrage of presents that landed packages throughout both towns with surprising accuracy.

Two panels on ACE's sides to reveal twin-barreled turrets. Another panel on the robot's back pulled back to reveal a massive drum that extended, and then the center pushed out once, twice, transforming into a colossal minigun within a larger minigun frame.

"What's it doing?" Chrys asked.

Dan put a convenient helmet on his head. "I believe it's going to exchange."

"Gifts?" Pinkie asked.

"Fire," Dan answered.

Inside the Magic Gear's head, its targeting systems identified the incoming presents descending from the sky and landing all around them. The robot turned around and aimed its own cannons skyward.




"She's targeting the presents!!" Lightning panicked.

"WHAT?!" the others yelled.

Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy rushed to the air. "We've gotta stop that thing!"

"Calm down!" Vice waved them back. "It's just a slight malfunction; everything is under control."

"That's what they always say!" Dan shouted in appalled rage, pointing at Vice with the steel finger of accusation. "That's what they all say! And then thing goes crazy and blows everything up!"

"Identifying inbound targets." More panels on ACE's back pulled back revealing the tips of missiles. Additional turrets and cannons deployed on the sides of her ears, top of her head and under her chin. As targeting relays corresponded with sensors, the guns took aim at the innocent parcels descending.

"That's NOT going to happen," Lightning Claw blocked Dan from Vice. "We're going to take care of this, everything will be-"

"TWILIGHT!" Dan grabbed her by the shoulders, "We're the only ones who can stop that thing! You've got to believe me, it's up to us to-"

"DAN!" Twilight grabbed him and shook back. "I believe you! Now how do we shut it down?!!"

Suddenly, Dan hugged her. His eyes were almost teary. "Thank you..." This had been the most times the human had ever shown or accepted physical affection in a single day and not just because it was a holiday.

"You're welcome, Dan," Twilight said back softly, patting him on the back. The two shared the moment despite the impending doom just a few feet away from them.

Dan was just genuinely happy his friend was listening to him. And as he realized this, he pulled away, still holding her shoulders.

"AND IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!"

Chrys tapped them on the shoulder. "Can we please do something about the terminator now before it shoots down all the flying free stuff?"

"Right!" Twilight announced. She ran up to Vice at the foot of the machine. "Professor, we're taking care of this ourselves."

"Twilight, I've got everything-" he tried to defend himself but she wouldn't let him.

"No Vice, your demonstration is over," she told him. She then turned to her friends still behind her. "We need to stop that robot from destroying all the presents before they get to Ponyville. Anypony got any ideas?"

Applejack, antlers still on, tugged at her harness. "Not much we can do still hooked up to this sleigh."

"Acquiring targets..." Magic Gear ACE, unlike her predecessor, was built to evaluate threats and could very easily focus on multiple targets at once. This made sure she didn't fall prey to being distracted by a single target like KNIGHT had. But still, missile lock did take a few precious seconds to acquire.

"If we can't stop the robot, we need a way to rescue the gifts!" Pinkie said.

"I have an idea," Dan declared.

The ponies turned to him. "What's that, Dan?"

From front of the sleigh, Dan grabbed the reigns. "HEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAH!" He whipped them down, sending an impulse into each mare through the cords that motioned them to break into a gallop and carry him through the street.

And the mares just stared back at him. Not being trained animals, impulse didn't work too well to motivate them unless it was their own. "What?"

Dan covered a disappointed glare with his hand. "Fly up to the presents, put them in the sled so the robot doesn't shoot them. Save Christmas."

"Ohhhhhh," they said in unison.

"Good idea, Dan!" Twilight called. "HEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAH!" She jerked forward, the rest of the group followed and the sleigh lurched and accelerated. Dan was pushed back to his seat with the sudden motion and soon the sled was racing through the street. Though he wasn't in control, he held onto the reigns so he wouldn't fall out while Spike and Fluffle Puff held onto him.

Vice and Lightning Claw had to dodge as the group flew past them and into the air. Both ponies behind Magic Gear ACE's back legs, they watched as the troop took to the sky.

"Okay, so..." Lightning said, watching the group, "how do we get ACE to stop?"

Vice fiddled with the broken remote in desperate frustration. He heard his friend's question but didn't respond, still hoping the controls would somehow magically start working again.

Lightning walked over to him. "Vice?"

His superior looked back up at him with a surly expression. Still, he didn't respond to his comrade but pulled a cell phone out of his lab coat pocket. He silently dialed a number and then held it up to his ear.

"Who are you calling?"

"Tech support," Vice said, voice a tad shaky.

Lightning deadpanned at the reply. "But... we built it. We... we made Magic Gear! Together! I WAS THERE! I SAW US DO IT! Doesn't that make us tech support?!"

"You see any tools around here?!" Vice asked. "It makes us responsible, it makes us liable and it makes us look bad! Also... I can't remember how to fix the controls."

Lightning facehooved hard. He opened his mouth to further question the confidence of their shared endeavor when Vice held up a metal hand to stop him.

"Hello? Yes, this is Vice Grip, FIST executive clearance authorization-"

Holiday music began to play through the phone. "We're sorry! Tech support is currently unavailable for Hearth's Warming Eve! We hope to get back to your request shortly! Thank you for choosing FIST."

Lip trembling, Vice pocketed his phone again. Lightning looked at his friend, noticing his extreme nervousness and then sharing it. "I... I may have given everypony the day off for Hearth's Warming Eve."

Lightning Claw gulped. "So... what does that mean for us?"

Vice gulped as well and in a frightened voice answered, "It-it means we're tech support."

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!! AAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!"

"AH!"

"AAAAH!"

"AH!"

"AAAAH!"

"THPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!"

"Will the three of you keep it down?!" Rainbow asked over her shoulder. Dan, Spike and Fluffle Puff clung onto the reigns, each other and  the sleigh itself for dear life as the other ponies carried them through the sky. To help Rainbow Dash, Twilight, Chrys and Fluttershy fly, Applejack, Rarity and Pinkie Pie had each been given a holiday-themed wing spell to remain airborne. Pinkie's included a set of balloons and right now, Dan was once again wishing he had a parachute.

"All right, we're coming up on the first group of presents!" Twilight announced. She and Rainbow were at either side of Chrys with the queen in the lead and the other mane 6 close behind them.

"Wait! Wait!" Dan shouted over the howling wind, "We've got nothing to secure the packages with back here!"

"Or ourselves for that matter!" Spike added. The tiny dragon dug his claws as deep as they'd go in Dan's shirt without them ripping it.

"You're gonna have to improvise!" Twilight called back. "You're good at that! You'll think of something!"

"In a matter of seconds?!"

"No, now!" The sleigh sped toward the first floating gift and Twilight's magic plucked it from the air. Using a simple levitation spell, she magically passed it to Rarity's sorceress grasp, who in turn passed it to Dan. The human frantically released his grip on the reigns to grab the present. Thinking quickly, he took the balloon it was tied to and rubbed it on Fluffle's fluff, creating a static cling and securing it fast to the furry companion.

"Ha! It actually worked!"

Fluffle Puff gave Dan a not-amused glare. On any other occasion, she would've been less inclined to accept near-disrespect of her fluff but it was a holiday. And they were kind of saving it.

Chrys guided the sleigh to more presents and aided Twilight in catching them. With all their efforts combined, they gathered the gifts before ACE had a chance to target them.

Back on the ground, ACE's guns swiveled and acquired new targets. Each time a gift was snatched up by Dan and crew, ACE was forced to aim its guns at another. Because it only vaguely identified the gifts as a targets and not a direct threat, its targeting system was slow to fire. And thankfully because it was programmed not to directly attack ponies, Dan and the others weren't classified as a threat.

Lighting and Vice watched the efforts of the others from the ground. "Well, at least it's not targeting Twilight," Lightning remarked.

ACE shook her head, frustrated. Every time she acquired a new target, it disappeared from her sensors. Like it had just vanished. They had to be going somewhere but where could they- oh! There they are! A large group of low-danger inbound threats clustered together appeared on her radar. Happily, ACE smiled and pointed her guns at Dan's sleigh.

"You were saying?!" Vice questioned his subordinate. The sheer amount of presents Dan and the others had rescued actually made them appear on Magic Gear ACE's sensors. Twilight and the others, because they were in such close proximity and interfering with the threats, were now classified as threats themselves. And therefore, targeted.

"Now it's gonna blast Dan AND the elements!" Lightning shouted.

"You just HAD to say something, didn't you?!" Vice continued to chastise.

"I've... I've gotta go warn them!" Lightning took off as fast as he could and bolted for Twilight and the sleigh.

"That's not gonna- YOU'LL END UP TARGETED YOURSELF, MORON!" Vice shouted but his friend was already gone.

"Target acquired, firing."

Vice's eyes went wide. The enormous gun barrels ringed on an inside ring of gun barrels began rotating, heating up as the rounds prepared to fire. They were aimed directly at the sleigh.

*CLANG! RRRRRRRRRRRRSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR-

Super-accelerated shots pierced the clouds just beyond Dan, Lightning Claw and the others, narrowly missing the group by a fraction of a degree.

ACE raised a digital eyebrow. Missed? How could she miss? A quick diagnostic revealed that her main battery, the Galvanized Reciprocating Rotating Repeating Rapid Revolver(a redundant system if ever there was one) was in need of recalibration. She turned her head all the way around, possible only because she was a robot, to make a visual inspection of the weapon. And she found herself perplexed when she saw the cause.

Vice Grip was holding the cannon up from her back, altering its aim just slightly enough to miss its target. He strained himself under the weight of the weapon, holding it up using his augmented metal limbs.

"I am... YOUR CREATOR!!" Vice growled. "You will obey ME now!" He had to get through to it somehow, the voice recognition software, the control interface, SOMETHING had to work. This was the only way to save Dan, the others, Lightning Claw and his demonstration. It had to work.

ACE's red eyes glared back at him and narrowed to slits. "Request denied."

Before Vice could blink, Magic Gear ACE swiped him off her back with a hoof, careful not to damage the barrel of her gun over him. The giant leg struck Vice and brushed him off like a fly off the filly's back.

"Ungoooofff!" he landed in the snow, air knocked from his lungs. He tried stand but ACE was on him before he could even get out on two legs.

Being closer to her and hindering her objective, Vice had just reclassified himself as a direct threat. ACE moved in to neutralize him.

Vice raised his metal arms against the robot as it approached, doing anything he could to defend himself. To no avail.

"Target confirmed."

ACE brought a metal hoof down on its master like a hammer, it clanging off Vice's own steel limbs. Its hoof stopped, unable to crush the stallion. Raising an eyebrow again, ACE then saw Vice push her leg off himself, holding it up and standing. He pushed off the ground and ACE was repelled.

Vice panted. "Okay, the next version... I'm installing a clapper on." His own metal arms and legs enhanced his already considerable strength, enabling him to at least counter a smacking blow from Magic Gear. Like Dan, Vice was resilient and tenacious, allowing him to withstand a bit more than the average pony.

But ACE could do more than smack with her hooves. Narrowing her eyes again, she rose on her back legs. Vice backed away, now terrified of what was about to come, though, he wouldn't have enough time to contemplate it. ACE cocked back her right foreleg like a slingshot.

Vice's eyes went wide again before a piston-punching hoof slammed into him, pounding him into the ground. The machine followed it with three hard punches, smashing the stallion into the dirt. Sparks emitted from the metal gauntlets as they cracked and broke, digits becoming mangled and steel toes breaking. Vice himself heard something pop in his head before everything went black.

ACE chuckled to herself. "Target eliminated. And tech support down."






Loading...
..........................
Beginning transmission>Forward Prosperity Command
PTX-62 Unit MGE-725/ACE
Unit Responding
Current Status: Defensive Protocols Engaged[WARNING], Self-Defense Mode Engaged[WARNING]
Current Objective: UNAVAILABLE[WARNING]
..........................
Uplink to S5 Control Station established, network access currently unavailable
Beginning System Diagnostic...
..........................
Main Processing Systems: ONLINE
Creative Processing Systems: ONLINE
Communications Module: ONLINE
Command Interface: ERROR[WARNING]
O.A.T.E.S: ONLINE
Primary Weapon Systems: ONLINE
Secondary Weapon Systems: ONLINE
Special Weapon Systems: OFFLINE[RECHARGING]
Defensive Countermeasures: OFFLINE[N/A]
Movement and Navigation Systems: ONLINE
Utility Function Systems: ONLINE
Ammunition Level: 100%
Hull Integrity: 100%
Hydraulics Level: 88%
Coolant Level: 74%
Main Generator: 80%
Secondary Generator: 100%
Power Regulation Systems: 96%
Power Supply: 54%[RECHARGING]
..........................
Unit Status: Self-Defense mode engaged, targeting parameters and threat evaluation expanded[WARNING] All inbounds currently registered as [HOSTILE], full force authorized to engage.
Identified Targets(by classification): Queen Chrysalis(Abomination), Twilight Sparkle(Arcanist), Dan(Moron), The Audience(Bronies), The Author(Immature), Lawyer(Interloper)
..........................
All targets considered hostile, proceeding with elimination.
System engaging resource replenishment.
Diagnostic complete. End transmission.






Lightning arced up through the clouds, racing towards Dan and the others and fast as he could. But something behind him was racing, too.

*zhew-zhew-zhew-zhew!!* Rounds cut through the sky just above Lightning Claw, then continued to just barely miss Dan and the others ahead of him.

Still gripping the reins, Dan turned around, searching for the source. "The frig?! They're shooting at US now!!"

"DAN!!" Lightning called, cupping his muzzle to shout. "ACE IS GUNNING FOR YOU NOW!!"

"OH REALLY?!" Dan yelled back. "THANKS FOR THE UPDATE, SPARKY! HADN'T NOTICED!!" His voice was just loud enough to carry the sarcasm over the wind.

"What did he say?" Twilight asked over her shoulder.

"Oh, nothing!" Dan responded. "Just that the robot's about to use us as skeet shooting practice, no big deal!"

Twilight stopped in midair and spun around. "They're shooting at us?!"

The abrupt motion prompted the others to stop but the sleigh, not so much. The moment the team halted, the sleigh, held up only by the reins and harness, was pulled down by its own weight, passengers and cargo.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" Dan screamed, hanging onto the reins as they swung him down and into the now vertically-facing sled. He slammed against the polished vermillion wood finish, bouncing off it but not letting go. Spike was cushioned by Dan's own body, claws now digging into the left leg of his jeans.

Without the forward momentum to keep the sleigh aloft, it now dangled as the mares struggled to remain airborne.

"You guys all right?!" Rainbow asked, being the only one who's wings were strong enough to keep flapping without gritting her teeth. "Dan? Spike? Fluffy?"

"WE'RE FINE BUT NEXT TIME, I DEMAND A WING SPELL!!" Dan shouted. "OR A NEW JETPACK FOR NEXT CHRISTMAS!!"

"I'm okay!" Spike called.

Twilight and the others immediately felt their hearts skip a beat when they heard, or rather, didn't hear a distinctive and familiar "Thpppp", "Thbbbb" or "Phbbbbbb" afterward.

"FLUFFLE PUFF?!!" Chrys asked. No answer.

Spike glanced over his shoulder to see a pink ball covered in gifts rapidly descended. "SHE FELL OUT!! SHE FELL OUT!!"

The entire sled bucked as Twilight, Chrys and Rainbow pulled it around to search for her. They pulled it in a U-turn and dove, trying to get a better view of the ground. Passing clouds made searching the sky against the background of the surface nearly in possible but they did so, frantically.

"FLUFFLE PUFF!!" Twilight yelled.

More bullets sliced past them as they searched, piercing the clouds obscuring their view.

"Wait... if ACE was targeting us because of the presents... and the presents are stuck to Fluffle Puff..." Spike thought out loud.

"Those guns would rip her apart before she..." Chrys' voice cutoff. Their hearts sunk, bodies froze. None of them could do anything.

Dan pounded the sleigh with a balled fist. "WHY?! Why didn't we give her a wing spell?!! Why didn't we give her a parachute?"

"Why don't you turn around?" a familiar voice asked casually.

The group responded, spinning quickly around to see Lightning Claw flying up alongside Fluffle Puff. 

"Fluffle Puff?!" Twilight asked. "But how is she-"

Fluffle flew by Twilight and the others to show off a pair of lightning-infused wings made of cloud. "THPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!" She zipped in a circle around the others in delight.

"Never too late to give a gift from the heart," Lightning said.

They were all astounded and relieved to see Fluffle flying. "How were you able to make her wings out of clouds?" Twilight asked.

He would've answered but Dan had a more pressing question to ask. "Can we discuss the finer points of a Christmas miracle when we're not in danger of FALLING?!! GET US BACK DOWN TO PONYVILLE!!"

They all answered him by making for a rapid descent for Ponyville.

"Wait a minute," Spike asked as they continued to street level, "we're flying back down now? Won't that make it easier for the robo-pony to shoot us?"

"It doesn't seem to be firing now," Lightning sitting next to Dan and Fluffle Puff. "Vice must've found a way to shut it off."

Dan looked over at him. "Who said you could sit next to me?" His new indigo copilot smiled sheepishly in response.

They broke through the cloud layer and landed on the street, slowing to a halt near where they took off before.

"Well, there's no sign of Doctor Strange Gloves or Mecha Ponzilla," Dan said. The streets were empty of everything but snow.

"Maybe they went for some hot cocoa?" Pinkie suggested, thinking about doing the same herself.

"Or double-As," Rainbow Dash added with a chuckle.

Lightning Claw examined the ground. "There's nothing to indicate ACE took off. If it flew, it would've melted at least some of the snow where it's jets lifted off. But there's no signs of ignition."

"No," Twilight agreed, "but there are hoofprints."

The others turned to her and the purple mare pointed in the direction of large, circular indentations in the snow.

"So, it's still in town. The question is: where?" Chrys said, tapping her chin.

"Ligh... Light-ning..." a weak voice murmured.

Still harnessed on the sleigh, the team approached a larger indentation in the snow by a house. 

"URGH-AAAAAAAAAGH!!" the voice screamed in pain as the group swung by the house.

"It's Vice Grip!" Lightning said, recognizing it as his friend. "Boss! Where are you?"

"You... ran... over me you... idiots..." Vice said weakly. Lightning looked over the back edge of the sleigh, followed by the heads of Dan, Fluffle and Spike. They saw Vice Grip laying on his back in a patch of dirt surrounded by snow, as if something heavy had smashed him so far into the ground it caused the frost to part.

"Boss!!" Lightning immediately jumped out and rushed to his friend's side. 

Vice didn't have the strength to move his head but he was able to see his would-be rescuers from the corner of his eye. He was in a great deal of pain; the taste of blood was present in his mouth and he was fairly certain the number or broken bones in his body outnumbered the ones still intact. And a sled had just ran right over his lower legs. Other than that though, he was fine.

Lightning was careful not to step on him as he knelt down by his friend. All four of the metallic attachments on his limbs were broken, seemingly crushed by whatever had smashed him. His hands sparked and the fingers were bent at twisted angles, the casings on his legs were cracked and leaking and his toes had been mangled beyond recognition. But his body didn't appear to be that damaged.

Vice Grip knew the reason for this, though he felt there were more important things to tell his colleague at the time. While Vice had been hit by Magic Gear ACE's full force, his robotic limbs had actually taken most of the impact. Though crushed, they prevented Vice from taking the blunt of the blow, resulting in only minor injuries to the scientist.

Dan walked up from behind. "Looks like Dr. Frankensteed met his monster. Oh well."

Twilight and the others approached and encircled them.

"Are you all right, Professor?" Twilight asked, her own voice concerned. Despite the damage he'd caused them, she was still the first among them who was willing to care about his well-being.

Vice smiled at her. It was one of the moments he really regretted that he was actively trying to destroy and remake everything she held so dear. "Been better, Twilight. Been better..."

"What happened? What did you do?"

He really hoped that when the time came, he'd be able to spare her. "What was necessary, Twilight. Just what was necessary."

"Where's the Magic Gear?" Twilight asked.

"I don't know," he answered honestly. "I'm sure it couldn't have gotten far."

"Well, what are you going to do about it?" Dan asked sternly. "Are we supposed to just wait until it runs out of power or do we call tech support now?"

"I'm sure you'll figure something out," Vice said.

Lightning leaned in to whisper to Vice. "Boss, we're not just going to leave it here... are we? We have to do something about ACE before it wrecks the town."

"We're going to do a lot, Lightning," Vice answered his associate, not whispering. "You've been taking the medication, right?"

"I... yes...," Lightning answered. He didn't understand the question and soon, he wouldn't remember the conversation.

"Good, good," Vice said. "Listen to me carefully-"

Lightning did lean in but once again, Vice didn't whisper. It wasn't like Dan or the others would understand the conditioning anyway. He spoke loud and clear enough for all of them to hear, especially Lightning Claw. "Command override code Vector-Gamma. Activate Red Charge protocol and return to base.

"I..." Lightning's mind went blank. "Yes, sir," he replied in a stoic tone. Standing up from Vice Grip, Lightning Claw rubbed both front hooves together. The motion quickly built static friction and electricity built up around his fetlocks. Sparks crackled around the edges of his hooves and blue lightning circled around them. Once the charge was high enough, Lightning knelt down and pressed both hooves against Vice Grip's chest.

"CLEAR!" Chrys yelled and the others backed away from the spectacle revival.

Vice Grip convulsed the moment Lightning's energy hit him. While it looked like the violent ali-pegasus was applying a defibrillator to him, he was actually infusing Vice with a bit of magic and energy to rejuvenate him. The lab coated stallion immediately jumped up, standing in almost a single motion as the action recharged him. He patted Lightning on the back with his now somewhat-more functional gauntlets.

The action did more than just revive Vice Grip; it stunned the rest of the group. Dan and the others were shocked to see Vice flattened into the snow one second and standing the next. Twilight was speechless at the display of magic. And Vice could tell.

"How... how did you do that?" Chrys asked.

Lightning stared blankly forward, still waiting for Vice Grip's next order. The scientist stallion smiled at the group, happy to have finally impressed them. At least one thing was obeying him. "Just a little bit more of FIST's magic, my friends. Oh, and one other thing,"

The others looked at him, expecting him to reveal more devastating consequences for them. And he didn't disappoint.

Vice couldn't help but smile at their exhausted expressions. Despite his delight, he continued. "Since the demonstration is a holiday performance and Dan's in charge of all of those... I'll leave you all to take care of it for us. Have fun!"

"You think you can just send in your wind-up toy and run away?!" Dan accused Vice.

The scientist tapped his chin, considering the analogy for a moment and then nodded. "Yes! Happy Hearth's Warming!" Before Dan could Dan and the others could pounce on him and restrain him, Vice snapped his fingers. A flash of lightning erupted from his companion, blinded the group momentarily. When they looked again, they both were gone.

Dan frowned. "Well... can't say I'm surprised."

Twilight looked at the scorched marks on the snow where the pair departed from. "This raises so many questions."

"Yeah, but I think the first one is still: where's the giant doomsday machine?" Chrys remarked.

"I hope one of us got a metal detector for Hearth's Warming," AJ said.

"Wait, no... look! I was right! It did go get cocoa!" Pinkie pointed behind them.

"Pinkie," Twilight turned to her friend, "giant robots don't run on..." she trailed off. 

Behind them in the distance, Magic Gear ACE had located the town's water tower. The machine stood on its back legs, leaning on the tower like it was a water cooler in an office break room. She held cup in her right hoof and filled it from the water tower and knocked it back. The exhausted robot refilled the massive cup and drank again, replenishing her hydraulic and coolant supply via the town's own water supply, which thankfully had enough to spare. Finally, it noticed its primary targets staring at her. She shot a sharp, vertical 'sup' nod at the group.

"HEY!!" Dan shouted. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!!"

"What? I'm not allowed to take a break?"





The entire group deadpanned, Dan more so than the others.

"You're... you're taking a break?" Dan asked, dumbfounded. Disbelief quickly turned to rage, "I'll give you a break! I'll break off each one of your legs and shove them up your-"

"Uggh," the giant pony rolled its eyes. After one last drink, it crushed the container it had been using as a cup and threw it over her shoulder, tossing it into a large open-air recycling collection area. Just because you were a giant weapon of mass destruction didn't mean you were allowed to litter. She then returned to quadrupedal stance and made her way over to the group.

"Do I really have to explain this to you?" ACE asked. "Fine, I'll spell it out for you." The guns retracted on the machine and were quickly replaced by enormous speakers and amplifiers.

"What's it doing now?" Dan asked.

"I think it just replaced its cannons... with bass," Chrys remarked. "Here comes the song!"

The wheels are turning
The world you know is changing
Completely rearranging 
along new and different lines... 
twisting into a new design...

So, I'm here to tell you all
The revolution starts today!
You can either follow or get out of the way
My friends, the future has arrriiiiiiived!
Standing forty feet tall and mechaniiiiiiiiized!

Magic Gear, it's like nothing you've seen before!
Finally here, My Little Pony Weapon of War
Your magic of friendship is useless and there's no debating!
With my Magic Gear! BECAUSE NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING!

[NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING]


"How does ninety millimeters of tungsten strike you?!"

[NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING]

Gears are grinding
Our rulers, who have let our future rust
Will be ground into dust!
We will end their magical tyranny!
Not through magic but the power of technology!

So it's time
For all of the ponies to see!
Strike back against the princesses and take back your liberty!
Join me, my fellow ponies! Open up your eyyyyyyyyyyyyes!!
Our future is here, 600 tons of steel and fully-weaponiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzed!!!

Magic Gear! It's the Equestrian Revolution!
Crystal clear, My Little Pony Final Solution!
Fully-armed, fully-charged and totally devastating!
Magic Gear! BECAUSE NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING!!

[NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING]

"There's nothing you can do that we aren't expecting.
Haven't you heard, my little pony? Tank beats everything."

I will not surrender! I will not yield!
Until their lies and oppression are revealed!
For every drop of blood they've spilled,
I will take back what was stolen from me and I will rebuild!
Through rock and metal and time our legions riiiiiise!!
Our dream, our world, our future will be realiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiizzzzzzzzeed!!
ONE NATION BOUND IN STEEL AND SYNCRHONIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIZZZZZZZZZZEDDD!!!

Magic Gear! The ultimate weapon to take their place!
Striking fear, destroying everything until they're all erased!
A vision of the future we're creating!
MAGIC GEAR! BECAUSE NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING!!

[NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING]

Johnson knows what the ladies like... so there's no use complicating!
MAGIC GEAR! BECAUSE LADIES LIKE ARMOR-PLATING!!

Lightning Claw: And we're working to improve the safety-rating!
MAGIC GEAR! BECAUSE NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING!!
MAGIC GEAR! BECAUSE NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING!!!
BECAUSE NOTHING BEATS ARMOR-PLATING!!!
...
Nothing beats armor-plating.

"Wonderful," Dan said flatly. "It has a karaoke mode. Now it's also the ultimate psychological weapon."

"Like we needed another reason to blow it up," Chrys added.

"I don't know if it was more threatening shooting at us or singing," Twilight commented. The entire group broke out into laughter a moment later at the unintentional joke.

"I dunno, I thought it was pretty catchy," a familiar voice said.

The others spun around to see Vinyl Scratch and Octavia on the roof of a nearby building.

"Vinyl?" Twilight asked.

"Hey guys!" the DJ mare, clad in winter apparel complete with fuzzy headphones, waved down at them.

"What are you guys doing on the roof?" Twilight asked.

"Seemed like a great time for a cameo!" Vinyl called back.

"It's kind of our tradition," Octavia said, blushing. "We're celebrating Hearth's Warming our own way."

Vinyl held up a violin and bow. "We're playing fiddles on the roof!"

"Uh huh," Dan said. "Well, we're dealing with another kind of 'public demonstration' down here so you guys might wanna take cover."

The pair looked at each other, considering it for a moment, then back to the others. "All righty, then! Muzzle tov, yo!"

"Nice girls," Chrys said. "I just hope they end up marrying the right stallions."

"Eh," Pinkie shrugged. "If you watch the whole thing, it doesn't really make a difference."

The giant metal pony facehooved in response to their conversation, creating a resonate clang in the process. "You're gonna make my  targeting system reclassify you all as non-sentient."

"Nonsensy-what?" Applejack asked, wondering if she'd heard the word properly. To be fair though, Twilight and Chrys were the only ones who fully understood ACE's phrasing. The term 'non-sentient' was lost on most of the group but Rarity and Dan comprehended enough to know they were being insulted.

ACE tossed her metallic mane to one side. "Looks like further elaboration is required." The colossal filly sauntered through the streets, her massive white-chrome frame taking up most of the road as she swaggered her way over to the group. Dan and the others were once again stunned by the display but were more appalled than awestruck. Nose in the air, head to one side and in the prissiest fashion manageable for a forty-foot filly, she approached them with eyes shut in the highest and mightiest of expressions of snobbery. Prince Blueblood would've given his whole-hearted approval.

"Oh, what is this?!" Dan shouted sarcastically. "Is this the Grand Galloping Gala?! GET A MOVE ON!!"

"I don't think I'll be relinquishing my coat if she wants to avoid a spill," Rarity remarked. The comment was as close as the mare would ever get to a derogatory statement, despite the fact that the machine had insulted her itself.

"I'll give her a spill," Dan stated over his shoulder. "I'll spill her batteries out all over the street if she doesn't follow the other two genius dinguses back to the Crapple Store." The human also looked to Twilight during his declaration as a way of almost requesting to act against the threat. While he didn't usually ask for permission from others, with Twilight, he'd never have to.

Twilight gave him a firm node. "Take it down, Dan. We're right behind you."

He gave her one of his maniacal smiles that for once, she was happy to see. His sadistic nature was on their side and was about to be unleashed upon the machine in front of them. She smiled right back, encouraging him to indulge himself.

Dan turned back to face the menace, "All right, Mechwarrior-reject, time for you to get going back to the hardware store with the other two morons."

"Need I remind you, I still have a job to do," ACE said, dropping the upper-crust attitude and pointing her guns at the sleigh full of boxes that had been detached from Fluffle Puff.

The ponies immediately jumped to defend them with Twilight, Chrys and Rarity overlapping three shield spells over the sleigh while the others took up defensive positions. Pinkie Pie and Spike each rolled up snowballs in preparation to return fire.

Dan just stared back the cannons, unfazed. "So do I. And even with your wings and tracking systems, I don't think you'd be able to find those presents if Twilight just randomly teleported them somewhere."

The purple pony's ears perked up. "Dan, I can't teleport all of them that quickl-"

"SHHHHSHSHSHS!!" Dan whispered back through gritted teeth. "She doesn't know that."

Weighing her options, ACE tapped a hoof to her chin. She then pointed at the presents, then pointed at Dan.

"What?" the human asked. "None of those are from me! My present was more symbolic and-"

The robot shook her head. With narrowed eyes, she pointed a hoof at Dan, then back to herself. Then back at the presents again.

Dan followed the motion. "You're... you're our Secret Santa?" he guessed.

Twilight walked up to his side. "Dan, I think she's saying she wants you."

Chrys immediately steps up, wings deployed. "Uh, no."

Twilight puts a hoof on her friend's chest, holding her back. "No, I mean, she wants to fight him."

"Oh," Chrys nodded in realization. "I... I see..."

The human's eyes lit up. "Oh?! Oh, she wants to go one-on-one? Dan Ex Machina Magica?" He turned to face the machine for confirmation and it nodded at him again, two red, digital eyes glowing at him.

Chrys shook her head. "I'm not comfortable with you going one-on-one with another mare."

The group turned to Chrys, questioning. "What do you mean 'another' mare?"

"Umm!" the queen turned red. "Umm... I mean, another Magic Gear! You already fought that first one alone and I think it's too dangerous to try to fight this one by yourself."

"Hmm," Dan rubbed his chin. "It was easier dodging those missiles than bullets..."

Magic Gear ACE responded. She pulled back on her back hooves, standing up. Her front legs out stretched and the massive minigun on her back ejected. It was followed by the other guns, turrets and lasers that all detached and fell to the ground. As a last act, she even detached her wings, which hit the ground with a massive thud before collapsing.

"Ah, she's evening the odds!" Dan said, actually impressed. "Let me guess... you remember what I did to your sister, don't you?"

The robot gave two eager nods. If its muzzle wasn't blank metal, she would've been smiling.

"Okay," Dan smirked. "So if you win, you get the gifts?" he asked.

ACE nodded in confirmation.

"What do I get if I win?" Dan asked. While his goal was for her to just buck off, he also was curious what she could offer. After all, it was the season for giving.

Magic Gear ACE thought for a moment, considering. She then came up with the perfect prize, the only thing she had left. With one hoof, she reached up and grabbed her own horn. Twisting to the left, she detached it from her own head and held it up before the group. The metal sides of the horn unfolded, blooming like some sort of deadly flower to reveal a glowing red cone in the center. Ribbons of red and purple energy, magic, or possibly both wrapped around it from the tip to the base while on the inside, glowing bright-red spheres floated like stars inside their own miniature universe.


FIST R-82 Tactical Zenfusion Arcane Weapon
Sword Spell
The Equestrian Equivalent to the Nuclear Bomb... and the Fallout Catalyst






"Th-that's the... th-the part that goes boom... right?" Fluttershy asked nervously. Her concern was mirrored by the entire group; indeed, they all knew what the glowing horn represented. The yellow Pegasus was just able to express it.

Dan opened his mouth to answer her when the machine answered for itself.

"The R-82 Sword Spell has an approximate yield of three megaarcs with an aura effect radius of eighteen lumiles from the epicenter," the robot said in a high, computerized and monotone female voice. "Anything within an immediate twelve lumiles of the blast will be vaporized instantly while the aura glow will reduce anything within a further six lumiles to microbial particles. Infusing overlapping forms of magic ensure that nothing will endure the blast. Residual glow will effect the area around the aura for months to come unless dispelled by tier-one arcane or other cleansing techniques, twisting the environment with projected hostile outcomes. So, yes... this is the part that goes boom."

Fluttershy lowered herself and recoiled to the back of the group, regretting having asked the question.

"How... how is it LEGAL to build something like that?!" Dan demanded. "How did Cloppenheimer get permission to build a magical nuclear bomb?!"

Twilight shook her head and shrugged. "If Princess Luna commissioned him, then-"

"GNNNNNNRRRRRRRRRRRR!!" Dan growled. There was always some kind of excuse or garbage reason. "So, if it's okay with a princess, you can build your own nuke. Good to know. Remind me to stop by the hardware store next week so we can pick up some PLUTONIUM! Prices on FISSILE MATERIAL should go down after the holidays!"

"You don't know anything about FIST's weapons projects," ACE informed them. "But you can. If you defeat me, my Sword is yours... to do with whatever you wish. The massive metal filly tossed her own horn in her right hoof like it was any other bauble. All eyes were on the Sword Spell as she casually flipped it like a ball they were about to play with. More than a few of them in the group swallowed hard, wondering what would happen if the robot actually dropped it.

"Let me get this straight," Dan said. "You want to fight me alone, without any of your weapons and gizmos. And if you win, you get to turn all Christmas-"

"Hearth's Warming," Pinkie corrected.

"-presents into confetti. And if I win, you're going to give us... your own atomic horn."

ACE nodded slowly. "Affirmative, primate. I will refrain from utilizing my advanced defense systems and in return, none of your friends shall interfere. To the victor... a very warm Hearth's Warming, indeed." Lifting up her other foreleg, she spun the Sword Spell like a top on its tip, intensifying the glow and creating a strobe-like effect. As its rotation stalled and it fill, she switched hooves and tossed it again, letting its simple presence weigh heavily on the group's minds.

Dan thought about the possibilities. Chrys and Twilight approached his sides.

"Dan, you don't have to do this alone," Twilight said. "She's just trying to goad you into a fight. We can take her down together."

"And I'm not comfortable with you taking on any other mares by yourself," Chrys added. "I mean, I'm not saying I'm not open to something like that but I at least want to be involved and even-"

"Mm-HEM," Twilight cleared her throat at Chrys.

"Umm... yeah, I mean, we can do it-this together, Dan. You don't have to go it alone."

"But if I do... think about it," Dan scratched his chin. "You think you can reverse engineer that S-word Spell if we can get it?"

Twilight looked at the spell, thinking. "I'm not sure. It's a magic-infused weapon, not a spell."

Chrys raised an eyebrow at the insidious device. "Didn't the science guy say it was part potion or something?"

Twilight shirked. "Maybe we could ask Zecora, then."

"All right," Dan raised his voice, stepping up to the Magic Gear. "You wanna settle this man-to-toaster, fine. How're we doing this?"

"Right here, right now, biped." ACE put the Sword Spell on the roof of a nearby building. She then dug the edge of her hoof into the ground and dragged it through the snow. Between her and Dan in the middle of the street, the Magic Gear drew a line. When she was done, she stepped back a few paces and then stretched the servos in her neck. "Get one of the arcanists to count to three. On three, you are free to engage."

"Three?" Chrys said. Technically, it was a question but ACE didn't see it that way. 

"Leg drive motor charing."The robot charged, rushing towards Dan with the intent to simply trample over the small, pale biped. Dan and the others dodged any way they could, separating as ACE ran past them like a four-legged freight train.

"Great, Chrys, you started this early!" Dan shouted, standing after having dove into a convenient space between storefronts.

"I'm sorry! I've never done this before!" the changeling apologized. "Is there a safety word or something?"

"Oh yeah, I'm sure the killer robot is programmed to stop after I say uncle!"

"Not really what I meant..."

Dan didn't bother correcting her; he just dusted himself off, gripped the snow hard and walked back into the center of the street.

None of the other ponies were its target; ACE was focused solely on Dan because the primate had destroyed her sister. But the younger, production-model Magic Gear had calculated things accordingly. Heavy snowfall, residential houses, her metal body could tear through any structure in town and the weather hindered Dan's movement. None of the arcanists would assist him and he wouldn't let them due to his pride, she predicted. It was her ballgame.

ACE's tactical display tracked Dan as he walked back in the center of the street. His friends tried to join his side but he waved them down. She had to credit him with at least sticking to the rules, not that it would help him.

The Magic Gear pulled back on its back legs, pushing off with its left-front hoof. Her right hoof, she cocked back to deliver a quick slamming stomp. In one fell-swoop, she would avenge her prototype sister and end the primary threat to FIST's dominance over the complacent little princesses. Again, she almost smiled. "Target elimina-."

Before she could finish her sentence, a snowball struck her right in the face. "The buck-" Her optical sensors were momentarily blinded, despite the small size of the condensed water ballista and she was forced to bring her front hooves down just short of her target. Unfortunately, this was a bit closer than the calculations for her precise strike had planned, and the robot literally stumbled over its own legs.

Dan dove to the side again, narrowly missing as ACE crashed right in front of him.





The ground shook as ACE came crashing down. Loose snow was knocked from the overhanging roofs of the storefronts Twilight and the others had chosen to hide nearby.

"We should've got her to fight you away from the town!" Twilight said, concerned about the residential area.

"Are you kidding?!" Dan shouted back. "This is perfect! We have the home field advantage!"

"Yeah..." Spike looked away. "As long as we don't wind up fixing the house again."

ACE wiped her eyes clean of snow and carefully stood again. She was now regretting not keeping at least one of her laser turrets before engaging Dan.

Dan ran across the street, trying to get a better view of the robot before it recovered. While he knew the titan wouldn't have been damaged by the spill, he was at least hoping it would reveal some structural flaw he could use to his advantage. Unfortunately, there was none. ACE was not a prototype; she was built to have no weak points, nothing to exploit and streamlined for efficiency. She was designed to succeed where her sister failed.

The robot regained its footing and turned around. While it still had the desire to play fair, it did detect the arcanists hiding along with their sleigh in an alleyway off to the side. She kept that in mind for if Dan decided to try anything funny, ACE would have plenty of hostages to choose from. Maybe even be the first Magic Gear to take out an alicorn. Not a bad achievement, considering it was their goal.

She spotted Dan across the street, peering out at her from behind a building. Bringing her front hooves up, she stomped the ground hard. "Face me, coward!" Even from her distance, the shockwaves reached Dan and knocked him to the ground. Snow fell off the rooftop above him, covering him in a pile of powder. While he was momentarily incapacitated, ACE strode over to his position, intent on ending this quickly.

"Dan!" Twilight called, concerned about Dan more than anything else. "You have a plan, right?!"

Dan spat snow out of his mouth. "I always have a plan!" he shouted back. The robot walked over to him quickly during the exchange, towering over him. He looked up at it as ACE's eyes narrowed in on him.

"What's the plan?!"

The human watched as the robot brought up a single, metal hoof above his head. "TACTICAL RETREAT!!" Dan yelled. He scrambled forward as ACE stomped the snow that had only moments ago covered him, practically making the buildings at either side jump.

Dan darted out of the alleyway and down the street, breaking into a full run.

Rather than smashing through the two wooden structures at her side, ACE carefully backed herself up to pull out of the narrow space. While she didn't really care if she destroyed Ponyvile or not, she did consider it part of their agreement to keep it between her and Dan. For now. And this action bought Dan a few precious seconds to bolt down the street away from her but, she backed out just quick enough to catch the human running down the street.

There was no place Dan could hide behind and no building ACE wouldn't break through to get him. The alleyway trick and the snowball might've been good strategy but he was careful never to use the same tactic twice. He ran down the street, searching for anything that could give him an edge but there was nothing. At least, he had a little distance between himself and the robot as he ran back to Twilight's house.

CRANG!! ACE slammed into the ground in front of him, having used her legs to jump to his position.

Stunned, Dan quickly backed away as ACE stepped forward. It brought a single hoof down but rather than smash him, she brought it down slowly in front of him. The human braced against it, pushing back as she brought her leg forward. Like a wall bearing down upon him, it pushed him backward.

"My maker was correct about you; humans and arcanists are quite alike. You always rely on some form of deceit or subterfuge to achieve victory. When faced with superior opponents, you never rise to the occasion. Without a tactical advantage of some kind, your position falters. And you fail. You just can't win against somepony who is simply better than you."

"Better?!" Dan retorted, still pushing against the metal hoof against him.. "Bigger, maybe and definitely heavier but better? I don't think so." He pushed the hoof to the side, bracing his back against it, using everything he could to try and stop it from simply smashing him. ACE responded by changing direction and pushing him towards a convenient tree nearby.

"And this is why there was no risk in giving you my Sword Spell. Like the arcanists, you simply lack the will to use anything that is truly better, even if it means fighting fair."

"UNnngh!" Dan groaned against the hoof. "You call... beating up creatures smaller than you fair? Why don't you... pick on somepony your own size!"

ACE pushed him into the shadow of the tree. "That simply will not happen. You creatures will never allow magic or technology that's not bound by your archaic traditions to flourish. Arcanists will never let go of the past but FIST has a grip on the future. You rely too much on your little friends, your magic and your sneaky tactics to achieve victory. Using them and not progressive technology is why you will ultimately fail."

Dan gritted his teeth. Only feet from the bark of his home, he dove out of the way. ACE's hoof slipped forward and gently brushed the side of the tree, hitting a couple low-hanging leaves.

"There's something else you forgot I like using!" Dan announced.

ACE rolled her digital eyes. "And that is?"

As her hoof touched the tree, dozens of turrets, missile batteries, machine guns, fireworks emplacements, laser emplacements, railgun arrays, rocket launchers, grenade launchers, pistols tied together in a bunch, disc launchers, torpedo launchers, foam and rubber dart launchers and a super soaker squirt gun all deployed from every nook and cranny of the recently-renovated Golden Oakes library. And they all aimed at ACE.

ACE's eyes went wide as its optical sensors tried to identify the weapons currently aimed at it. But there were too many.

"SUPERIOR FIREPOWER!" Dan declared.

The robot swallowed. The guns fired.

For a brief moment, Equestria celebrated Hearth's Warming, Christmas and the United States' Independence Day all at the same time. Ponyvile shook and lights flared that could be seen from as far as Canterlot. Explosive ordnance, projectiles and destructive energy of almost every kind imaginable were unleashed by the 'modest' security system Dan installed on the library. While not every bullet, beam or bomb hit ACE, there were more than enough fired.

ACE was proud of herself. She was the production-model Magic Gear, the first in a line of nuclear-armed robots that would protect Equestria from any and all threats. Unlike KNIGHT/ROOK, she had no weaknesses, she was even more resistant to magic and weapons and her processors couldn't be tricked by conflicting orders. She was built to succeed where her sister failed.

"Criticalzzzzzzzzzsh! Critical damage sustained."

But, just as she had told Dan, there were some things that just came down to a test of strength. And her armor could not withstand Dan's superior firepower. The human's penchant for overkill had been something FIST had not considered, a fact ACE felt as every round punctured her defenses and tore her to shreds.

Blast after blast destroyed her armor, ripped through her subsystems and blew her to pieces. Smoke from the guns and from ACE's own hull filled the streets and began to rise like a cloud. Rounds pounded her, sundering the polished chrome and causing her systems to fail.

There was too much smoke for Dan to see what effect the weapons were having. He crouched down behind the tree itself, careful not to get hit by the crossfire. All the various defenses Dan had painstakingly put into place were finally being used. He didn't know if he was happier that they were actually working or that he finally got the drop on the toaster. Either way, he was smiling.

As the explosions and gunfire finally subsided, an alarm klaxon could finally be heard. When the smoke cleared, Dan saw the damage that all his incredibly expensive weapons had done.

"N-not... f-fair..." ACE's digital voice weakly muttered through static. To her credit, she was still standing, just barely. Her armor was more scorched black than white and pieces of it lay twisted and burnt on the ground. Large sections of her frame sported holes where burnt wires were exposed and precious fluid leaked. Bits of her machinery were near her hooves and smoke rose from her own internal heat. Lastly, her back-right leg had been shot off at the hip and what little armor remained on her chassis did nothing to cover her vital systems, which sparked in different places and were charred like a damaged terminator. Or gutted toaster. Her one, still-functioning red eye regarded Dan like a specter inside a ghostly steel skeletal battery. Even it was fading, struggling to remain online.

Before she could make one final attack, the defense system on the mailbox kicked in. A small, mechanical cuckoo clock-style man in a kilt with a bagpipe was deployed from the back of the postage container. It traveled the length of the metal mailbox with an angry, gritted-teeth expression and pulled out a small popgun from the golf bag on its back. The wind-up toy figurine fired a single, small dart at Magic Gear ACE and with a suction cup attached to one end.

The suction cup dart landed on ACE's forehead right between its eyes. She had time to look at and question what it was just before it exploded with the force of two and a half tons of TNT.

The blast blew back the library's leaves and limbs in a rush of explosive power but the tree was fortunately unharmed. Another cloud of smoke covered the area but only silence followed as it quickly dissipated. A triumphant Dan stepped out from behind the tree and walked over to his defeated opponent.

"You have anything else to say?! Come on! Where's your attitude now?!!"

When the smoke cleared, ACE was in pieces on the ground. Its body was unrecognizable save for the frame of its head. A single glowing eye flickered as Dan approached along with a still-attached hoof that twitched near the body. An alarm klaxon wailed and running lights flashed red as the machine lay broken.

"You're tough, I'll give you that," he approached to deliver a triumphant coup de grace.  "But I think it's game over for yo-"

"List-en," ACE's voice muttered. There was no static this time and curiously, that fact made Dan stop in his tracks. ACE's voice sounded almost... alive. 

"Listen..." With its left hoof, it tried to point at Dan or maybe something behind Dan. "Listen... to me."

More concerned now than confused, he stepped forward cautiously. "What is it?"

"Not... sorry. There are two... and she is not sorry."

Dan shook his head. "What do you mean? You're not sorry? Your sister isn't?"

"Not like us... she is of here. She watches you... and she is not sorry. There are two... and she is not sorry."

"Two what? You're not making any sense! WHO ISN'T SORRY?!!"

The machine's gears clicked and grinded, lifting its barely-functioning, ruined hoof to point at the ground. Its eye focused directly on Dan's, its voice becoming low and serious. "Two... Yours... and hers. She... she wants yours. Always has. Break everything... not sorry." Its light flickered out completely, half a metallic shunt covering its eye as ACE went permanently offline.

Dan would've pondered the machine's cryptic message longer if a strange whirring noise hadn't filled the air. He found out it was coming from ACE's frame just in time for him to jump out of the way as it began to glow brightly. Whether or not you knew anything about machines, glowing bright and high-pitched noise meant something bad was about to happen and so Dan ran for it, taking cover once again behind his tree house.

Rays of red-orange light peeked from the cracks in ACE's hull as what remained of its reactor began to meltdown. Different types of energy both magical and technological surged and collided, building to dangerously high levels that its broken systems could no longer contain. Sparks, flares and flames shot fourth from various parts of its ruined chassis as more light shown fourth from within. As the energy inside the Magic Gear reached its peak, it glowed like a second sun before exploding.

What was left of Magic Gear ACE was vaporized in an instant as the explosion threw bits of charred metal and snow into the air. Dan ducked behind the tree to avoid being pelted by bits as they rained through the leaves and branches, hitting the bark and bouncing harmlessly off. When the vibrant colors of smoke dissipated, only a crater and unrecognizable mechanical remains were left.

Twilight, Chrys and company, no longer pulling the sled behind them, came running up to see the aftermath of Dan's fight with Magic Gear ACE.

"Wow..." Applejack remarked. "Talk about your roasted chestnuts."

"Eh-ha-ha-ha-ha," Dan mockingly laughed. "Like no one saw that one coming."

"Dan!" Twilight and the others exclaimed, happy to see Dan was okay. They galloped to their singed champion as he walked out from behind the tree. "Dan, you're all right!"

"Of course I am!" Dan shouted, as if to dissolve any doubt that he'd be victorious. "You think I don't know how to take apart a renegade fax machine? Throw this pile of Decepticrap back on the scrap heap because there was some disassembly required," he boasted, hands on his hips and triumphant grin on his face.

The ponies and Spike gathered around the crater in the snow. Nothing was left of Magic Gear ACE but burnt metal. It didn't take them long to deduce how Dan pulled it off.

Rainbow Dash, hovering nearby gave Dan a congratulatory elbow nudge. "Nice trick, I'll have to remember that one. Of course, if some robot is chasing me, I'll have to make sure I slow down enough so it can track me."

"Heh," Dan chuckled. "Too bad it didn't want to race or I could've given you my shirt and let it think you were me."

"You lured it back to the house and then blew it up with the defense systems, didn't you?" Twilight asked, turning to Dan. "That was your plan the entire time, wasn't it?"

Dan's eyes shot open wide. "Oh yeah, I PLANNED to get chased through town by a giant George Foreman grill and then shoot in the face on the front lawn. Yeah, that's what I knew was gonna happen all along," he answered sarcastically. "Now, where's my bomb?"





"Umm, yeah, we should probably go get that before anypony sets it off by mistake," Pinkie said. Quizzical heads turned to her, as if already accusing her of something. "What?! Is something on my tail?"

Dan patted the confused mare as she examined herself. "Pinkie, I don't think we have to worry about anypony accidentally detonating a nuke around here."

"Why's that?" Pinkie asked, skeptical.

"Because you're here," Dan explained. The entire group laughed, Pinkie Pie included, though she didn't fully understand it. The group then departed for the rooftop where ACE had left its Sword Spell. Still glowing red, they were thankful it was undisturbed when they reached it.

"What're we going to do with it?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Do we happen to know if anypony wanted a giant lava lamp for Hearth's Warming?" Rarity asked. A few concerned glances were turned her way. "I mean, after we've removed the... exploding parts first, of course," she clarified.

"We're going to take it apart piece by piece somewhere safe," Dan declared. "Then, Twilight's going to find out how we can make a shield or something to protect us in case Dr. Eggmane and Wildberry show up again."

"You... you think I can actually do that, Dan?" Twilight asked, a little shocked at the vote of confidence.

"Of course you can!" he rubbed her mane. "You're better at magic then anypony! You could probably figure out all the spell-parts of the Sword Spell, Zecora can help us find out what the potions are made of and Trixie can show us how they work together and explode."

"Wow," Chrys said. "That's... actually a great idea, Dan."

"Except I believe we have a few ideas of our own," Vice Grip's voice said. The group stopped in the center of the roof, searching for where the voice came from. The scientist ascended from the other side of the store, hovering on jet-powered boots along with Lightning Claw beside him. The pair landed next to the Sword Spell while eating snow cones.

"See? I told you the three flavors made it worth it," Lightning said.

"Agreed," Vice said. "We'll have to add a snow cone machine to the winter models."

"Well, nice to have Geek Squad join us as we collect our prize. You guys come to gift-wrap it for us?" Dan asked.

"Should've known they'd never let us leave with one of their weapons," Chrys commented.

Although the others weren't that surprised, Twilight was. "Professor, you're all right? Where did you go?"

Vice had to smile. He would've been taken off guard by her kindness if it hadn't been something he was entirely counting on. "I'm fine, Twilight; my associate and I were just sampling some of Ponyville's confections while you took care of things… as I knew you would."

"That figures," Dan rolled his eyes. "You let loose your mechanical monster in town, let others take care of it and then swoop in at the last second and play the 'sacrifice in the name of science' card."

"Your machine nearly destroyed the town! Nearly flattened all of us!" Chrys shouted, pointing a hoof.

"Professor, what you did was really irresponsible," Twilight stepped forward. Even though she thought of Vice Grip as a mentor, this did not excuse his actions. "Your invention could've done a lot of damage to the town and you disobeyed… us when we told you not to go through with it. Even though you had prior approval from the mayor, you didn't have my-I mean, our approval."

"Appvoral?" Vice's smile disappeared. "Of course, I didn't have YOUR approval; that was my mistake. Any new development, any new innovation or process, anything new at all has to have YOUR approval, the approval of a PRINCESS before it can be used. Yes, I fully understand. I understand all too well." His tone was menacingly aggressive, the kind of rage that made each word seem like a threat.

"This isn't about her being a princess," Dan argued. "That thing was uncontrollable. A danger to everything around it."

Vice's smile came back. He looked up at Dan. "Like you?"

Lightning Claw chuckled, knowing that would get under Dan's skin.

"You can't help but notice the similarities, can't you Dan?" Vice grinned. "Look at what you've done without their 'approval'. Painted the whole town, altered each and every decoration, ruined the mayor's event schedule and for what? For customs you miss from back home? What happens when you don't get your way?"

Chrys put a hoof on the human's chest, defending him. "Dan doesn't put his friends in danger like your Magic Gizmos."

"Dan trusts us! And WE trust Dan," Twilight fired back. She and the other ponies assembled at his back, a show of unwavering devotion.

Dan beamed with pride at his friends' support. For once, having others stick up for him wasn't unfamiliar. And it felt good. "That's right! Unlike your metal monstrosities, my friends have faith in me! And together, we can crush your crazy contraptions and any other little haywire demonstrations you can cook up!"

"Is that so?" Vice asked in a mocking tone. He took several long strides forward, metal boots tromping the snow underneath. "You're saying you actually managed to take down ACE? How shocking. Well, it's fortunate you were here in PONYVILLE to handle things."

"Oh yeah, blasted your Gear with the security system right on the front lawn. Blew the whole thing to pieces and made one heck of a mess, fortunately, we can just turn on the sprinklers to wash what's left of it off," Dan boasted. The group laughed at his comment while the two standing across the roof from them looked less impressed. "How's THAT for a demonstration? I guess that pretty much wraps things up."

Vice's grin never faded. "Not quite," he informed them as he reached into his coat pocket. Lightning Claw sported a somewhat mischievous smile, already predicting what would come next.

The ponies, dragon and Dan braced themselves for the professor to pull out a ray gun or explosive up some sort. But instead, he simply held up a walkie talkie. Holding it to his muzzle, he pulled out the antenna and said, "Vice to all units, report in." He then held it up to the group for them to hear.

"Group-one reporting from Canterlot, sir. Magic Gear ARC deployed and fully operational."

"Group-two Cloudsdale checking in. Sir, Magic Gear AXE is online and ready. Enclave troops mobilized to secure target zones."

"Manehattan's Group-three responding. MGU AMP is rolling out and drawing a lot of attention, sir."

The group's jaws collectively dropped as they heard the broadcast. They stared in a mixture of awe and horror, reactions Vice couldn't have been happier to see. Each time the frequency cycled, a new voice reported in and their hopes sank a little further.

"This is Group-four in Appleloosa, sir. Encountering light resistance from local buffalo but ARO is taking care of things. Status is green."

"Group-five from Las Pegas checking in, sir. AIM unit is unloaded and proceeding to objective. We've uplinked to the grid and are receiving targeting information."

Suddenly, static as the radio switched. Vice frowned, and pulled the walkie talkie back to him.

"Group-six, what is your status, over?"

Static answered the stallion.

"Group-six Zebropolis, respond at once!" Vice ordered. Finally, a panicked voice broke through the static.

*kzzzzzt*"-ost all power! This is Flare Fang at the Zebra Unit! We've suffered a total systems failure! Controls not respond-"*krssshhht!*

"Flare Fang, report! What happened to your strike force commander? What's going on over there?!" Vice demanded. He just now noticed his captive audience looking more confused than scared. The demonstration was losing its effect. To complicate things, Lightning Claw walked over to him.

"My brother? Is something wrong?" the indigo stallion asked. While not technically related, Lightning did feel a sort of kinship to ponies who had undergone experimentation like he had, in this case, the fire breathing green earth pony, Flare Fang.

"That's what I'm trying to find out!" Vice whispered harshly.

"Sounds like your demonstration's come up short, Vice," Dan chuckled.

It earned him a glare from Vice but the status of his team was a bit more important than his ego, for the moment. Finally, the radio piped up again.

"Suffered a total-*kzzzzzt!* overload, main computer offline! This is sa*kzt*tage! It's the lawyer, sir! He's hacked our systems and-*krrrssht*"

Vice turned off the radio and quickly pocketed it, cursing for the third time the fact that ace attorney had gotten away from him.

Twilight stepped forward. "Phoenix?"

Vice turned to Lightning Claw. "Go. Handle it."

In a flash electricity, the enforcer pony vanished leaving just Vice Grip between Dan and a warhead. For a moment, it was silent as the two stood and stared each other down like entire worlds were between them.

"More technical difficulties?" Dan asked with a coy smile of his own. "Well, at least your customer service is 'lightning-fast'. Or is he going to have to stop and get batteries on the way first?

Vice opened his mouth to say something, then reached into his pocket and brought out the walkie talkie again. "Lightning?"

"Yeah?"

He pinched his eyes, trying to ignore Dan's gloating expression on him. "Fang reported a power failure so you… might have to pick up some batteries from the store."

"Oh, thanks. Should I get more of those snack packs you like with the rice crispy-"

Vice quickly switched off and pocketed the transceiver. He then turned back to Dan. "Setbacks are to be expected, my friends. That's exactly why we staged this one here in Ponyville."

"Wait…" Chrys said. "So that means the reason you showed up here-"

The scientist's sinister confidence returned. "The Magic Gear you destroyed here was a diversion, our ACE in the hole. In order to make sure you didn't interfere with the other demonstrations, we had to sacrifice the one here so you wouldn't suspect anything. ACE wanting to fight you on her own wasn't planned for but it hardly makes any difference now."

"I knew it! I knew this whole thing was a set up!" Dan literally hopped mad.

"Sure ya did," AJ commented.

Vice clasped his hands together, delighted the advantage was once again his. "Hahahaha, you humans are so predictable. As are the arcanists, Luna and Celestia." The remark caused most of the group to gasp.


"Vice Grip!" Twilight yelled angrily, "You don't talk that way about the princesses! You don't talk that way about my friends!"

"You and your pathetic friends are holding Equestria back!" Vice shouted back. "Your precious princesses have squandered our future long enough!"

"What the hay are you talking about?!" Rainbow asked. "Celestia and Luna are the rightful rulers of the kingdom! We work towards our future together!"

Vice waved his gauntlet to dismiss the idea. "No, no you don't, little stunt mare. Precious little Tia and Luna sit idly on their thrones, manipulating everything with their magic and molding society into whatever they choose. They force every pony to rely on their magic, something they can't control and can't understand and when something goes wrong, they shut themselves in their little castle and let your intrepid band handle it. And we just saw what happens when you can't make it: you fail. That was the real demonstration."

"So, what are you saying?!" Dan demanded. "You'd rather have giant robots protecting Equestria? When they've threatened to destroy the town twice already?!"

"Twice because you've stopped them!" Vice shouted in angry declaration. "YOU! All of you, NOT Celestia or Luna, just YOU! But not even Arcanist's Allies can be everywhere at once! All you do is rely on archaic magic or your own dumb luck to solve your problems!"

Twilight had finally had enough. "We use TEAMWORK! Because we believe that the magic of friendship can-"

"Oh, save it arcanist junior," Vice batted away her prattling. The entire group gasped. He had never actually insulted Twilight before, his former student from the School for Gifted Unicorns. Now, it was very clear that her former mentor had turned his back on her. "At least you have a proper understanding of science but you still place far too much faith in that sorceress garbage to make ever make a real difference."

Too stunned to speak, the purple mare turned her head away from Vice. But Dan strode right by her side and up to the confrontation. He pointed a finger right at him. "I get you have a problem with magic, pal," he said, voice pure venom. "But that doesn't mean you get to say-"

"Problem?!" Vice asked. "Problem?! No, no my neanderthal friend, I have a SOLUTION to magic. A way for us all to finally get that accursed arcanist spell-slinging scum out of Equestria once and for all! A way for us all to get a hold on the future!"

"You better get a hold on what you're saying, buddy!" Rainbow fought the urge to uppercut him.

Dan turned to Twilight and simply asked, "Can I arrest him now? Please?"

Before Twilight could answer, Vice laughed maniacally again. "Oh, you didn't think I'd tell you all this and just let you take me away, did you? I know my rights and there's no law against disrespecting the princess. Otherwise, that Gabby Gums article would've generated a lot more heat than it did.

"You've crossed the line, Grab Bag!" Dan pointed right at him. "I don't know whatever it is you're up to, but you're not gonna get away with it as long as I'm here!"

"Of course, I could never put any of my plans into motion with you around," Vice chuckled as he keyed two controls on his gauntlet. "Which is why I'm happy you chose to spend Hearth's Warming in Ponyville and not the Crystal Empire."

"The Crystal Empire?" Twilight repeated. "What are you talking about?"

Vice smiled one last time at his former student. "I'm sure you'll find out soon enough. Until next time."

"NOW YOU WAIT JUST A MINUTE!" Dan shouted. "You're not going anywhere! You put the whole town in danger, you insulted my friends and now you're flying away on a jetpack!"

Even as Dan said it, Vice Grip was already flying away in a jetpack, leaving them to watch him soar off into the distance. Dan would've cursed Vice Grip's name but he'd already done that with the holiday itself and he tried to limit himself to one per day.

Chrys and the others walked up from behind him. A collection of hooves patted the goateed man on the back as he frowned in a mixture of frustration and rage. He sighed heavily. "Well, at least we still have the Sword Spell."

"Umm…" Rainbow Dash said, hovering around the giant horn in question. "About that…" She touched her hoof to the edge and the entire shape fell over, revealing it was a cardboard cutout. On the back were the words scrawled in black ink:


Authentic Sword Spell Life-size Replica
Available for $19.99 just in time for Hearth's Warming!



"I really hate those guys."




None of the group said much after they left the rooftop. Dan briskly walked at the front of the group, trying to keep ahead of the feeling of disappointment following him rather than his friends. Still, although his pace was moving forward, his mind kept drawing back to what had transpired between them and Vice Grip.

He was convinced they should've seen it coming, they all should have. Equestria wasn't supposed to be like Earth; it was supposed to be better, a second chance. But then how had this happened? Christmas, his holiday which he should've been able to easily incorporate into his life here had faced the same bureaucratic problems a new holiday would've had on Earth. Politicians, big business, incompetence had all three conspired to make things difficult for him here. Just as it would have on Earth.

That fact above all else made it uncomfortable for Dan. Furiously uncomfortable.

Hoofsteps behind him grew louder forcing his mind to rejoin his body's pace in the present.

"Hey Dan… you doing all right?" Chrys asked.

"I'm sorry all of this happened," Twilight said.

"It's not your fault," Dan said, keeping his eyes firmly down. "It was Bill Neigh and the purple spark plug that nearly blew up the town."

"Well, it's kind of my fault," Twilight's eyes lowered as well. "I hadn't seen Professor Vice Grip in so many years. He seems so changed but I didn't realize it at first. He was my friend and teacher a long time ago and I… it made it hard for me to see what he was doing was wrong."

Dan turned to Twilight. "The guy shows up with a giant robot that can destroy the town… and you don't see anything wrong with that?!"

"You did install a bunch of guns and stuff in our treehouse, Dan," Chrys countered.

"But MY security system SAVED the town!" Dan fired back.

Spike waved in front of the three. "Hey, maybe it's not what kind of gadgets we're using but who's using them that makes the difference?"

"I guess you're right," Dan said. "It's okay for me to use all the heavy firepower because at least I have half a brain."

"And good intentions," Twilight added with a smile.

The human shrugged. "Most of the time. Seriously, the sign says 'NO SOLICITORS' for a reason. Point is, I protected the town, saved every pony's presents, so our state-of-the-art security system is okay to have around."

"Speaking of presents, looks like they're still in the sleigh where we left them," Spike remarked. Practically over flowing with parcels and packages, the gifts and sleigh were still intact despite being jerked around and shot at. Dan ran up to it immediately.

"And it's not cardboard," he said, relieved. "Half-expected them to have taken all the gifts, too."

Chrys tapped the sleigh. "Well, looks like all the stuff is here. What are we going to do with all of it…?"

Just as she asked, ponies began walking towards them from the other end of the street. The entire population of the town suddenly appeared, a roar of constant chatter as the ponies approached. At the front of the herd was Mayor Mare.

"Well," she announced as she walked up to the group, "I have to say to you all…"

"You what?" Dan interrupted. He slid down the pile of presents to face the mayor upfront. "You know we screwed up Doc Cog's performance? You know we nearly wrecked the whole town? You know we practically ruined Hearth's Warming for all of Equestria?! Why not say it?! There's not anything you can possibly say to surprise me on this holly jolly holiday from-"

"I have to say, I enjoyed your decorations," Mayor Mare smiled.

Her words surprised Dan into silence. For a stunned moment, his mouth and mind worked to reboot and form words but they couldn't connect. He managed parts of syllables but nothing coherent. Finally, he managed a confused "Thank you…?"

"You're welcome," the mayor approached Dan. "Perhaps I was a bit strict with formality this year. I understand you weren't trying to cause any harm. I should've listened to you and considered your request but there was a lot I was dealing with. So for that, I'm sorry."

Again, Dan uttered the same quiet "Thank you…" as before, though this time with less confusion. "I'm happy you enjoyed the display, mayor. To make it clear, it is a CHRISTMAS display," he clarified. "And… I had some help from my friends." The group huddled around him in a hug.

"I understand," the mayor nodded. "As far as the presents are concerned, I think there is something we can do about them."

"Oh?" Chrys asked. "What would that be?"

Her answer came in the form of a queue that formed moments later. Every pony in Ponyville lined up to receive a gift from Dan's sleigh, handed out by Dan himself with help from Twilight and her friends. While Dan wasn't enthusiastic about manual labor, his friends' excitement more than made up for it.

"Next!" Dan shouted. He handed yet another of the countless parcels to the pony that approached him.

"Thanks. Happy Hearth's Warming, Dan," the small colt said before trotting off.

"Merry CHRISTMAS!" Dan corrected aggressively over his shoulder.

Like Christmas, Hearth's Warming also involved the giving of gifts but there was less emphasis on what was given. Because the gifts themselves were literally launched through the air, teleported or dropped, it was impossible to tell who sent what. They were presents to let ponies know that their neighbors, their family, all of Equestria cared about them and this was the one day a year that they showed it. They all did, regardless of what they received themselves. It was something they all shared.

"Next!"

"Aw, thanks guys! I really like your Hearth's Warming decorations, Dan."

"Those were CHRISTMAS decorations… and you're welcome."

"Happy Hearth's Warming!"

"CHRISTMAS!!… Next!!"

"Is this the line for the holiday raffle?"

And that's the way it was for the entire town. Every pony, entire families and friends, even the mayor herself received a gift direct from Dan that Hearth's Warming day. Twilight and the others helped pass them out, wishing each pony a happy Hearth's Warming before moving on. As the gift giving continued, they noticed something. Dan eventually stopped correcting the ponies that approached and before long, he was wishing them a happy Hearth's Warming as well.

At first, his friends didn't know what to think but then, they were happy to see it. As the last townspone received their gift, the group began walking home, exhausted but satisfied.

"That's one Hearth's Warming for the records," AJ remarked. None among them disagreed with her.

Pinkie's head sunk low for a moment. "Yeah… too bad we didn't get to shoot any gifts ourselves."

Chrys patted the pink pony's back. "Chin up, Pie girl. There's always next year."

Pinkie did perk up at that though, her mind undoubtedly already planning on something even grander for next time.

With Christmas/Hearth's Warming over, Dan strode home at the front of the group, alone with his thoughts again. But he was never really alone.

"Hey Dan," Twilight trotted up to him. "I noticed you saying Happy Hearth's Warming to the end there."

"Yeah?" he asked her, wondering what she meant by the question. "And?"

"Well," Twilight shyly added, "I hope you had a good time."

Dan nodded as he walked. The group approached the Golden Oakes Library, wreckage of ACE still in front of it. "I… did. It was nice doing some good for every pony. It was a good Christmas… and a good Hearth's Warming. And now, once we get home, I'm going to embrace another Christmas tradition."

"What's that?" Chrys asked.

"I'm going to make eggnog and then I'm going to put it in me until it starts coming out of me. I don't recommend being around me when that happens."

"Well there might be something else for you at home," Twilight said. "Because... I have a surprise for you."

"Oh?" he asked skeptically.

Twilight and the others rushed in front of him, cued by her motion. They assembled in front of the tree as if to take a family picture.

"There's just one home you forgot to decorate, Dan," Twilight said.

Dan knew what was coming next but he wasn't prepared for it. Then again, maybe he could enjoy a surprise just once.

"Merry Christmas, Dan!" With the stomp of a hoof, the Golden Oakes Library's leaves and branches changed. Ornaments, lights and decorations all appeared from every nook of the tree. Tinsel wrapped itself around the foundation and a star on top completed the display.

"What do you think, Dan?" Twilight asked. "Is this Christmas in Equestria?"

Dan couldn't speak again. He was stunned, moved by the display to the point that tears were in his eyes. But it wasn't the decorations; it was what his friends were displaying. And that meant more to him than any decoration.

"You… you guys," the human welled up. They saw Dan's emotion and gathered around him. "I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH!!" he burst out.

"We love you too, Dan!" they shouted back.

With tears in his eyes, Dan balled up his fist and shouted to the skies, "MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY HEARTH'S WARMING TO ALL! AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!"

After that, Dan, ponies and Spike headed to the door, hearts warmed indeed. As they walked through the snow, Chrys moved to the back of the group next to Twilight.

She looked over her shoulder. "There's just one thing I'm wondering about," Chrys said.

"What's that?" Twilight asked.

"Well, how did Dan activate the security system against Magic Gear ACE? Didn't he say that the targeting watchamajiggies had to be in the computer first?"

Twilight gasped slightly. "You're right. The defense system had to have targeting parameters put in manually," she explained, recalling to when the turrets failed to activate when a hoard of zombies were assaulting the house.

"But then, how did he activate it?" Chrys asked.

Twilight thought. "Someone would've had to have input the specifications for Magic Gear into the system."

Chrys shook her head. "But who could've done that?"

"Maybe someone who had a copy of the schematics," a voice spoke from behind the door.

Dan and the others stopped as the front door to the tree house opened from the inside and out stepped a familiar face.

Twilight gasped. "Phoenix!"




Ace attorney Phoenix Wright smiled as he opened the door. "Hey Twilight, hey every pony," he said warmly. "It's so good to see you all agai-"

"NIIIIIIIXXXX!!" Rainbow Dash shouted. In a flash, the pegasus leapt at the second human and tackle-hugged him to the ground.

"Pheeny!!" Pinkie exclaimed, joining in.

"Mr. Phoenix!" Fluttershy added.

"Rainbow! I'm happy to see you, too and-" Before the lawyer could finish talking, the others followed Rainbow Dash in tackle-hugging him. In an instant, every pony glomped Phoenix Wright, including Chrys and Fluffle Puff who honestly glomped for the sake of glomping.

"Guys…! It's great to be back but… I can't breath!"

"Yeah, they do that," Dan remarked at the pony piling. For once, he realized, it wasn't happening to him. And as the realization came to him, he seemed to feel some kind of pang of regret that it wasn't him being smothered. He frowned, an unfamiliar feeling: jealously.

"Nix!!" Dash exclaimed, "Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! When did you get back?!"

"Wazt monf," Phoenix answered, face being squished by loving hooves. (So much love… and pain.)

"C'mon guys, let's give him some air," Twilight said, herself releasing the lawyer. "It's so great to have you back, Phoenix!"

"I'm happy to be back, Twilight," Phoenix said, getting up. "I would've stopped by earlier but a few things got in the way. A few of them giant and metal."

"I know, we got your letter," Twilight replied. Before she continued, Dan cleared his throat, prompting her to introduce him. "Oh, and these are my new friends, Dan, Chrys and Fluffle Puff." In her defense, she was about to do just that but was a tad late.

"Hai~" the taller changepone waved. "I'm Chrys. I can turn into other creatures, I used to be a villainess and my color changes in warm and icy water!" The only other human she'd ever seen, Chrys found her eyes somewhat drawn to the slick-back haired lawyer in the doorway. He stood about at least a hand or two taller than Dan and unbeknownst to her was about the same height as Chris from Earth.

Fluffle Puff gave a short, fluffy curtsy. "Thbbb-thbbb-thb." I am Madame Lady-Madame Flufflington "Hot Wheels" Busey Von Pufflmanjensen the eleventieth-eth esquire. But you may call me by my stage name, Fluffle Puff.

"And I'm Dan," Dan said, brandishing a smile that quickly faded into his traditional 'why are you even' face. "So, you're the famous Phoenix Wright every pony's been talking about."

"Err, yep. That's me," the attorney replied, hand instinctively rubbing the back of his neck. He wasn't used to his reputation proceeding him, much like Twilight. "Defense attorney and… defense investigator a lot of times too, I guess."

"So I've heard," Dan said. "A friend of mine practiced law a long time ago; he chased ambulances and staked out hospitals and police stations just for the chance to defend someone in court. He was so dedicated."

"Yeah, it's… definitely a thrill," Phoenix said awkwardly. (Chasing ambulances? Who does this guy think I am? Not that there's anything wrong with checking in on the Hotti or the Hickfield Clinic occasionally but still.)

"So, when did you get here, Phoenix?" Twilight asked, voice full of excitement.

"Yeah, Nix, tell us all about it!"

Phoenix thought back to the events that brought him here. "Well, it's kind of a long story…"

"Great," Dan announced. He strode past Phoenix Wright, almost strong-arming past him into the house. "I'm going to go make some egg nog during the scene transition. You like the nog, Nicky?"

"Uhhh…"

"Good answer; more for me."

Phoenix slowly turned back to the others. "You've got some… interesting new friends, Twilight."

The purple mare rubbed the back of her own neck. "Yeah, that's one way of putting it. He's really nice, though."

"Once ya get past all the shouting and potential crimes against nature," Applejack added.

"I'm sure he is," Phoenix replied. (And I'm sure his ironic t-shirt is only meant to show people how funny he is.) "So, when did you all meet Twilight? Was it before or after we solved Ace Swift's-"

"HEY!" Dan shouted from inside the kitchen. "I said SCENE TRANSITION! Now, get inside! I'm rearming the security system!"

"That's probably a good idea," Twilight said. None of the others disagreed and so moved the discussion inside the library.

"SCENE TRANSITION!!"

Fine. Phoenix sat on the couch, surrounded by the others and explained to them what exactly he'd been doing in Equestria up until now. There, happy?

"Thank you!" Dan said to the narrator whilst mixing his egg nog. He was only half-paying attention to Phoenix's story in the other room. Despite having apparently saved the day, Dan still didn't fully trust the lawyer and whilst he didn't know it, he honestly felt just the smallest bit jealous of the attention HIS friends were giving this new arrival. He focused on his drinks, frowning a bit harsher than usual as he did so.

"…and that's when I heard about the Hearth's Warming demonstration."

"Wow," Twilight said. "So you were at the anniversary party?"

"I was," Phoenix nodded. "I just arrived when I'd heard you, Dan and Chrys had been arrested. I tried to secure your release but I arrived late, then I was ambushed by some kind of pony in a cloak."

"Pony in a cloak?" the others asked.

"Whoever they were, they referred to themselves only as 'The Director'."





The reunion lasted long into the night. Phoenix and the girls spent hours telling the stories of what had all happened since they last saw each other. While Dan's drinks didn't contain alcohol(the only cocktails he ever made were Molotovs), his focus was primarily on flipping through the t.v stations and less on socializing with the others.

"...then, we found out the forcefield shocky-thingy didn't even go all the way up! We could've just flown over it the entire time!" Chrys said through bouts of laughter.

As the others chuckled over the memory, Dan added a sarcastic laugh. Of course it was funny to all of them; they weren't the ones who got electrocuted.

"Sounds like quite a party," Phoenix remarked. "Sorry I missed it."

"It's all right, Phoenix," Twilight patted his knee. "Thank you for trying to get us out of the guard prison, though."

"Don't mention it. I would've gone to trial to get you guys out."

Twilight smiled. "I don't doubt that at all."

After a moment of heart-warming silence, Dan asked, "So, what are we gonna do about Vice Grip?"

Another silence followed as the group considered Dan's words. None of them really had an answer, even if some of them had ideas.

Chrys raised a hoof from her belly-laying position. "Do we even know what he is?"

Fluffle Puff sighed. "He's like you."

They all turned to Fluffle Puff. "Come again?!"

"You can talk?!" Dan asked, exasperated.

"She can talk, she's just… a little shy," Fluttershy explained.

"Oh, well THAT's convenient."

"Wait," Chrys asked, "You said 'he's like you'… did you mean me or Dan?"

Fluffle sighed again and looked away. "Both of you."

"How can you tell?" Dan asked.

She turned her fluffy head back to both of Chrys and Dan, her eyes beginning to tear.

Chrys gasped. "Is he a changeling?!"

Fluffle's expression immediately frowned. "No. I mean, he's just like both of you… on the inside."

Chrys walked over to Fluffle. "What do you mean?"

"He's carrying a thousand years' worth of pain."

"Oh…" Chrys had tried to comfort Fluffle, then found herself in need of comforting. Fluffle noticed this and patted her best friend.

"He's angry, he's driven and he's very much in pain. I don't know why but when I saw him, I could tell he was driven by severe pain, the kind that…"

"The kind that breaks you," Dan finished for her, his tone suddenly serious. "The kind of pain… that you just can't ignore. Like a fire you can't put out, can't run from. It just burns inside you and when you think it subsides, you can still feel the heat, the tendrils of the flames against your chest. All you can do is try to blow off the steam and smoke… even if it means everything around you must burn."

Twilight got up from the foot of the couch and began pacing. "Whatever's happened to him now, the professor used to be a friend of mine. Back at the School for Gifted Unicorns, he taught classes on almost everything: history, chemistry, physics, magical theory and I was one of his best students. I loved his lessons and we talked a lot after class."

Dan got up. "Did you guys ever just casually chat about taking over the world? Designing weapons of mass destruction, ending all life as we know it, destroying Equestria?"

"Oh sure, he probably had all sorts of notes and stuff about overthrowing the princesses in a school NAMED after one of them," Rainbow said.

"Maybe," Pinkie clutched both her cheeks as the idea came to her, "maybe he's been planning this for years! Maybe he KNEW Twilight was gonna be a princess all along and tricked her into being his friend so when he confronted her, he'd have the advantage!"

Again, the room was silent for a moment. Fluffle Puff uttered a punctual "Thppbb" but other than that, nothing. Dan pointed at Pinkie and asked Twilight, "Can I spray her with the hose when she does that?"

Phoenix rubbed his chin. "I think you're on the right track, Dan but I don't think Vice would be so blatant with Twilight."

Dan opened his mouth to speak, then stopped. He wasn't expecting support from the lawyer and again, found himself caught off guard. The others were a bit surprised as well, turning to Phoenix and waiting for an answer when Dan asked, "What do you mean?"

"I mean, he probably wouldn't have revealed any portion of his plans, especially not to a student unless he was planning on directly involving them. But he may have tried to recruit her or some of the other students at some point."

"Like how? Brochures? He had brochures, didn't he?" Dan asked.

"Not exactly," Phoenix stood. "But did he ever say anything or do anything that would seem suspicious now?" he asked Twilight.

She shook her head. "I don't think so. He always was kind of eccentric but… he was also inspirational at times, too. Some of us thought it was a little odd for an earth pony to be teaching at a school for unicorns but he was a good instructor."

"Did he always have those weird gloves? And the… metal feet things?"

"Yes, actually," Twilight said. 

Dan almost face palmed. "You didn't think it was kind of weird Dr. No was teaching science class?"

"He always told us he just preferred doing things differently, that technology was his gift. He said that we all had the ability to make Equestria better and all we had to do was find out how. It's hard to believe he's doing this."

"I'm guessing his way of making Equestria better involves nuking the whole thing and starting over," Dan plainly stated. So blatant were his words that the others, even Phoenix shuddered at the idea.

The lawyer sighed and scratched his chin. "Whatever he's doing, it involves all of Equestria, not just the princesses. If he just wanted them out of the way, it's likely he would've destroyed Canterlot already."

"Phoenix!" Twilight yelled, appalled.

"Never!" Rarity and Rainbow Dash both declared. The entire group practically attacked the idea that Vice would destroy Equestria's capital or the princesses. The attorney practically jumped to dodge the accusation.

"What did I say?!"(Seriously, it's not like that's not an easy conclusion to jump to! I don't need to see his psych-locks to predict what a magic-hating scientist would want to do with a bomb!)

"They're a bit touchy when it comes to their princesses, Nicky," Dan said, patting the fellow biped on the back. 

Chrys strode forward. "They have those Magic Gears set up all over the place now. We don't know how many there are or what he's planning on doing with them."

"We can sure as hay bet he ain't making popcorn with 'em," Applejack stated.

Dan refilled his egg nog one more time and then took a seat in his recliner. "Well, whatever he's planning, we'll take care of it eventually."

Twilight looked over her shoulder at him. "I hope we can."

"Of course we can!" several of her friends shouted optimistic praises but Twilight kept her eyes on Dan as he began flipping channels again, sipping his drink.



Dan took a swig from his drink as he got settled. "Yep, but for now, it's still Christmas."

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know ponies celebrated Christmas."

Twilight grabbed the attorney's arm with several of her friends quickly following suit. "Phoenix, you might want to be careful with that."

"Errr-uh, okay?" Phoenix said nervously. 

Dan looked up from his chair with an angry, sarcastic smirk. "They didn't. Until today. I had to bring Christmas to Equestria, despite all the regulations nonsense in my way. And I did," he explained in his trademark passive-aggressive tone. He then noticed the others looking at him and added, "With help.*sip*"

Chrys rubbed her left leg with the other. "It's kind of a touchy subject after today."

"Touchy? Touchy?!" Dan got up. "I just fought for the right to celebrate a holiday in this place! I saved the town from a giant robot AGAIN and the thanks I get for it is the wonderful opportunity to pass out free stuff to the populace! AND NONE OF THEM EVEN KNEW ABOUT CHRISTMAS!!"

The ponies and Spike recoiled at Dan's fuming outrage but not Phoenix. "It seems like Christmas means a lot to you, Dan."

The other human's rage dissipated in almost an instant. His arms slunk at the mentioning of the truth. "Yeah, it does," he said almost wearily.

"If you don't mind me asking," Phoenix approached casually, "what makes Christmas so special to you?"

Dan sighed. "It's… complicated I guess."

Twilight and the others approached together as Phoenix continued his questioning. "How so?"

Dan looked up. "Are you some kind of therapist and an attorney?"

The taller human chuckled nervously at the thought. "Hehe, well uh, actually, you'd be surprised."

With another sigh/groan, Dan picked his head up and began pacing. "You may not notice this but I'm not the easiest guy to get along with sometimes."

"Sometimes? Did you say sometimes or all times?" Pinkie Pie asked. The others all slowly turned to her and gave her an expression of 'now was not the time.' And perhaps never.

After the awkward moment, Dan continued. "I know that I can be a little hard to get along with now and then. People tend to describe me as hostile. They throw terms around like "aggressive" or "obnoxious" or "clinically unstable and prone to violence," he made quotations with his hands for emphasis. "And it's like that every day, all year around. But when Christmas comes…" his tone suddenly changed to somber. He looked out the window as if seeing the past, present and future all at the same time.

"When Christmas comes, everybody… kinda acts like… me," Dan said. "Everyone has all these expectations of how things are supposed to go, they plan them out so carefully and no matter what, it never goes quite exactly as planed. People get frustrated, they yell at each other, yell at inanimate objects, yell at the world," he smiled. "It was so… wonderful to see. For once, people knew how I felt every day."

"Christmas made you feel like you were accepted," Phoenix said.

"Yeah," Dan admitted. "And no matter how horrible things were throughout the entire year, no matter how much they fought each other through the months up to winter, when Christmas day came, we all put our differences aside to just be together and have a good time. It was just so… heartwarming."

The ponies gathered around him and each put a comforting hoof on his shoulders and back. Phoenix, encouraged by the gesture, also patted Dan on the back briefly. He nervously recoiled his hand after the short motion but Dan barely even noticed. It was best to take things slow.

"But we do accept you, Dan," Twilight said, patting him as well.

"And not just for Christmas but all year long!" Chrys added happily. The others proclaimed their own agreements.

"I know…" Dan said. He turned back to them, tears in his eyes. "I just… wanted to celebrate Christmas here with you guys because…"

Tears formed in Twilight's eyes. "Because you we're your friends and you love us."

Dan nodded. "I know…" The collection of mares moved to hug him again so tightly it was as if the previous group hugs were high-fives by comparison. "You guys are my friends and I do love you!" he broke into a cry.

Phoenix hung back, unsure of what to do. "Well, uh… I'm happy that you guys are so… acceptant of one another…"

At the center of the pone hug, Dan's eyes opened and cast a fierce expression at the lawyer. "Get in here, Nixy!" he commanded.

The attorney did as he was told, embracing the and being embraced by the ponies.

"We love you too, Nix!" Rainbow exclaimed, messing up Phoenix's hair as she did so.

"I… I love you guys, too," Phoenix said, giving into the power of the hug.

"And Dan?" 

Phoenix swallowed hard. "Uh-uh-um, well, I just met Dan-"

"No, it's Christmas," Dan declared. "You love everybody."

"O-okay," Phoenix nodded.

"Say it."

He swallowed again. "I-I love everybody…"

"Everypony," Dan corrected.

"Everypony…"

"No, say the whole thing."

"I love everypony!" (What have I gotten myself into?!)

"And we love you, too!" Satisfied, Dan released his grasp of the collection and the ponies and Spike followed suit. Phoenix slowly let loose himself to find Rainbow Dash still attached to him.

"It's great to have you back, Nix," the rainbow mare said. She then nuzzled her face on his tie.

"It's-it's great to be back," Phoenix said. (If she shows me any more affection, my suit is going to smell like Skittles.)

Rainbow nuzzled again. "Skittles aren't that strong scented, Nix."

"Well, sometimes they are, especially if they get kinda melted," Phoenix thought aloud. "Hey! How did you know I was thinking that?!"

"Same way I did, Pheeny!" Pinkie remarked as she passed by.

"Oh," Phoenix said, realizing. And then the second realization hit him a moment later. "Wait, that still doesn't make any sense!"

Twilight held onto Dan also as the others released. "I'm happy you feel so accepted here, Dan."

"Me too," Dan said, drying his eyes and smiling. "Thank you for sharing Christmas and Hearth's Warming with me."

"And we get to share it with Phoenix, too!" Chrys interjected.

"That's right!" Twilight exclaimed. "It's going to be so exciting having Phoenix back!"

"He'll make a great addition to the team!" Dan agreed. "And he'll be able to handle all the legal stuff while we take action! We're practically above the law!" The three hopped ecstatically, each one for different reasons. Dan because of the possibility of a human get-out-of-jail free card, Twilight because a friend of hers was back and Chrys because unknowingly she was attracted to male humans and part of her brain was happy to have more potential man candy around the house. She's over a thousand, has had a civilization's worth of kids(literally) and the most affection she's ever received was a kiss. Cut her some slack.

"So, where are you staying now that you're back in Ponyville, Phoenix?" Rarity asked.

"Well, I was staying with Vinyl and Octavia at their new music shop but the roof kind of got damaged during the fight with ACE…"

Twilight immediately turned to him. "Phoenix, you could stay with us!"

Dan's delighted smile turned to a frown. "Wait a minute…"

"Heh, gee, thanks Twilight," the lawyer said bashfully.

"Wait wait wait," Dan stopped. "Where is he gonna sleep?"

That night, Twilight and the others found accommodating Phoenix easier than his previous visit. Dan, however, did not.

"I hate you. I hate all of you," Dan muttered, staring up at the ceiling.

"Well, it could be worse," Phoenix said.

"How?" Dan asked.

Phoenix stretched, his legs hitting Dan's on the other side of their shared bed. "The bed could be pony-sized. It was last time I stayed with Twilight."

"Well," Dan shifted, "why don't I just go out and get a big, red ribbon so I have something nice to wrap it in when I start go give a buck?"

"Just saying," Phoenix commented.

Dan turned his head to Phoenix. "If we find another bed, WHEN we find another bed of ANY size, you're sleeping in it and not mine."

"Sure thing, Dan," Phoenix half-heartedly agreed, settling himself under the covers. "But until then, there's just one thing left to say."

"What's that?"

Phoenix smiled. "Merry Christmas. Would you mind scootching over?"

Dan reached his balled fists up to the ceiling and replied, "AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!!"






Next time on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship…



"And in a startling decision today, the Crystal Council unanimously voted to make FIST founder Vice Grip official regent of the Crystal Empire."

"What did he just say?"

The countdown to crisis begins…

"They're taking over everything. If FIST controls the Crystal Empire, that means…"

"They control the fate of Equestria."

"And more."

"We have to get to my brother and Princess Cadence!"

But things are not so crystal clear...

"After the daring capture of King Sombra by FIST's Magic Gears, the entire empire has seen fit to honor Vice Grip as a hero, trusting his corporation with the protection of the Crystal Empire's future."

"My crystal ponies, your future could not be in better hands."


"OBJECTION!"


As FIST and Vice Grip move to seize the Crystal Empire, the only hope in restoring the kingdom lies with an old friend… and an older enemy.

"Wait, Phoenix! What are you guys doing?!"

"Look, all of this happened because they all think Vice Grip is some kind of hero, right?"

"What if he isn't?"

"Well, we KNOW he isn't, Nix but how do we prove it?"

"There's only one way we can."

Friendships will be tested, battle lines will be drawn and news will arrive that will threaten to shatter the Crystal Empire...

"You're not doing this. You seriously CAN'T be thinking of doing this!"

"It's what I swore to do, Dan."

"He's evil! He's a tyrant, he's a maniac, he's a slaver, he's-"

"He's not guilty and I'm going to prove it."
"I'm going to defend King Sombra."

Episode 11: You Just Got Turned About! Dan Vs. An Ace Attorney! Next time, Phoenix Wright returns to the courtroom to solve a Crystal Imperial Catastrophe next Saturday on Dan Vs. The Magic of Friendship!

"Mr. Wright! How good to see you again!"

"Ugh… hey judge…. swim anywhere nice lately?"

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