//------------------------------//
// 2 To the Crystal Empire 
// Story: The Scaly Little Toaster 
// by Brass Polish 
//------------------------------//

	Twilight and Spike had gone to their bedroom at the same time, but Spike didn’t quite make it to his basket. He’d dropped off to sleep a few yards beyond. As a result, when Twilight awoke the next dark winter morning and didn’t see Spike in his basket, she thought he’d left already and went on to the Mayor’s office to tend to her governmental duties for the day. Spike finally awoke to the sound of Owlowiscious hooting madly into his ear.
“Yikes!” Spike shrieked when he realized what time it was. “There’s no way the Crystal Express hasn’t left already!”
He hadn’t even made it to Ponyville Station when he knew he was right about the express. He was over half an hour too late. Fortunately, the upcoming local train would be stopping at the Crystal Empire. Spike would be hours late, but it was better than not being able to make it at all. While he was waiting, the stationmaster asked him to melt the frost on the rails. Apparently, the Crystal Express had a slip start when it left.

The locomotive’s cow catcher made an adequate snowplough, but the rails were slippery everywhere else along the line. The coaches jerked several times a minute, causing passengers to grumble. Spike was not happy, and even less so whenever the train stopped at a station. Halfway to the Crystal Empire, he really got angry when the train ground to a halt nowhere near a station. The conductor walked briskly down the coaches explaining the problem.
“There’s been a really nasty wheel-slip and the locomotive’s coupling rods have come apart,” he said once for each coach he visited. “Please remain in the carriage. We are currently on a bridge.”
Spike opened his window. The train had indeed stopped on a stone bridge, and it would be difficult for the engine’s crew to repair the damage. There was only one building in sight, and it was an abandoned watermill. Spike seethed with impatience. He had to get to the Crystal Empire as soon as possible. He looked up. A pegasus who’d been riding the train had been sent by the conductor to get help. Spike decided to find a pegasus to fly him to the Crystal Empire.
“You gotta be kidding me!” he bellowed after visiting every single coach and not finding one pegasus.
Then he found somepony who might be able to help him. There was a stout earth pony who he recognised from two of the winter events he had helped cater.
“Hey, it’s Spike the cook,” he said when he saw Spike.
“Can you help me get to the Crystal Empire?” Spike asked.
“Anything for Equestria’s favourite chef,” replied the Stout pony.
Spike didn’t bother to retort. He hurriedly ordered the Stout pony to go out to the watermill, and ran back to his seat. Before anyone on board realized what he was doing, he’d reached under his seat, pulled out a backpack and exited the train himself.

In his frustration and haste, Spike had thought that train seats had parachutes underneath the seats. By the time he’d realized he’d mistaken trains for aircrafts, he’d already put on the empty backpack (which a previous passenger had left behind), stood onto the waterwheel, and called to the Stout pony to jump onto the wheel. He tried to hold onto the wheel as it spun and spun, but quite soon, he got too dizzy to hold on and was flung high into the air. Head still spinning, he yelled as he saw the ground spin in front of his eyes.

Suddenly, Spike landed on something. He was nowhere near the ground. Something woolly was brushing his face. He gave his head a shake, trying to see properly.
“You OK, Spike?”
Spike recognised the voice. One more head shake later, what he saw confirmed that he had landed on Spitfire’s back and she was wearing a scarf.
“Hey, Spitfire,” he said. “Boy am I lucky you found me.”
“What happened?” Spitfire asked. “How’d you get launched into the air?”
Spike, face burning with humiliation, told her about his lapse in judgement.
Spitfire chuckled. “Well, you are a baby dragon. Um, do you need a ride?”
“Sure! Could you take me to the Crystal Empire?”
“You bet,” said Spitfire. “I’m in no hurry.”

This was very true. Spike had never seen the captain of the Wonderbolts fly this slowly.
“Am I heavy or something?” he asked. “I didn’t even have breakfast.”
“Nah, nah,” replied Spitfire. “I always take it slow in winter. Wonderbolts do less air shows during this season. Breathing in so much cold air is pretty bad for pegasi.”
“And yet no pegasi wanted to ride the train today,” Spike muttered to himself.
“Plus, I’m already carrying something,” Spitfire went on.
She held out her hoof and showed Spike her saddlebags.
“I’m  gonna make a deposit at the Las Pegasus bank,” she explained.
“Why that bank?” Spike asked. “Why don’t you keep your money at the Cloudsdale bank?”
“The one in Las Pegasus has a better interest rate,” smirked Spitfire. “That’s appealing when you don’t work every month of the year. I cancelled my account with the Cloudsdale bank and got one with Las Pegasus’ yesterday, so now I’m transferring my money.”
“Why aren’t you wearing those saddlebags?” asked Spike.
“Well, I couldn’t fly if I had saddlebags on,” Spitfire sniffed. “And then you’d have fallen out of the sky. It’s not better carrying them, though. My hooves are getting numb.”
“You should probably buy yourself some boots before you make your deposit,” Spike suggested.
“Maybe I will,” said Spitfire. “But I don’t think I’d be able to hold onto the bag if I had boots on.”

Despite Spitfire flying slower than her average, which was breakneck speed, Spike was sure they were making good time and would arrive in the Crystal Empire before too long.
“Say,” Spitfire piped up as they were passing over Clopley Hill, Steeds, “have you learned the Cloudsdale Anthem yet?”
Spike felt embarrassed again. “Uh, no I haven’t.”
“Huh,” chuckled Spitfire. “If ya like, I could teach you it.”
“Sure. Why not?” Spike shrugged.
As he shrugged, he realized that he was still wearing the empty backpack he’d found on the train.
Why do I still have this? he thought.
He took it off just as Spitfire leaned back a bit and cleared her throat. Spike leaned forward to avoid sliding off Spitfire’s back, and ended up dropping the empty backpack.
“♪Oh…” Spitfire began.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the falling backpack and mistook it for her saddlebags, which she couldn’t feel in her numb hooves.
“Whoops!” she exclaimed before diving down.

Spike couldn’t believe what he’d just witnessed. Spitfire had let go of her saddlebags and grabbed the empty backpack instead.
“That was close,” Spitfire sighed.
“That’s mine!” Spike cried just as Spitfire realized that the bag she was carrying was a lot lighter. “You’ve just left all your money behind!”
Spitfire yelled in horror, and turned sharply around. Spike wasn’t ready. He slipped off Spitfire’s back and began plummeting to the ground. But before he could yell for help, he found himself going slower and slower. He could see a clear green aura around himself. He looked straight down.
“Oh, no,” he groaned, smacking his face.

“Well, look who dropped in!” boomed Flim as his brother gently lowered Spike into some sort of open vehicle. “Our very first passenger!”
“Passenger?!” spluttered some angry voices.
“Yes! Passenger!” Flam said loudly. “You see, we are not only a snow removal service. We are also an omnibus service!”
“Name your destination, young dragon!” Flim turned to Spike with an expectant smile.
“Um, the Crystal Empire,” Spike responded.
“Haha! Where else but the place where everypony loves ya!” Flim gestured wildly. “Hit it, Flamo!”
Spike quickly looked around. There were angry-looking ponies standing around this vehicle. They looked like they were about to smash it to pieces. Beyond the crowd, there were several buildings. About half of them were covered in snow, and the other half were not. Flam fired a green light from his horn, which was poking through a wildfoul cap identical to his brothers’, and the vehicle hummed and shuddered.
“Make way, good folk of Clopley Hill!” he bellowed. “VID coming through!”
The next thing Spike knew, there was a roof of snow above him and the Flim Flam Brothers, which buried the ponies they had left behind.

“What is this thing?!” Spike called over the noise of the vehicle and the snow soaring above them.
“What you are riding in is the Flim Flam Brothers’ Ploughmobile!” announced the two brothers.
“What, a snowplough?” asked Spike.
“This little baby can slice through snow like a peeler through apple skins!” said Flim.
“Making her the most reliable, the most dependable, the most useful winter machine in the whole of Equestria!” Flam declared.
“Is that why we’re going so fast?” Spike looked back at Clopley Hill. “To get away from all those satisfied customers?”
The brothers shuffled a little bit.
“Only Equine nature after all!” said Flim. “No pleasing some ponies.”
“It’s not easy to provide an efficient service with ponies coming up and badgering you to help them just before you’ve finished the job you’re on!” Flam sneered.
“Let me guess,” Spike grimaced. “Your Ploughmobile just moves the snow and it gets on all the walkways and doorsteps around it. And more and more ponies come to you demanding that you move the snow that you’d just dumped on them.”
“One would think to complain to their local weather team about an abundance of snow,” Flim said, “but in Clopley Hill, they seem to prefer to complain to the ponies providing the solution!”
“Such abuse of our technology warrants early retirement!” grunted Flam. “What a shame for a freshly-built machine to have to be sheeted away in her prime! Wouldn’t you agree?!”
Spike found this extremely amusing, but he couldn’t complain. We was getting a ride to the Crystal Empire, which was sure to be uninterrupted as Flim and Flam obviously wanted to get as far away from Clopley Hill as possible.

The journey was not smooth. With any snowplough, there was no telling what was buried in the snow that was about to be shoved aside. Flim and Flam weren’t driving their Ploughmobile along any road because there was no road to the Crystal Empire (and even if there was, there’d be no way to see it in the snow). Their sense of direction was not bad as they’d more or less been all over the country, but they still weren’t a hundred percent sure of where the rail line was until they’d bounced over it.
“Attention passengers, we’re experiencing a bit of turbulence!” Flam announced.
“I already mistook something for an aircraft today!” Spike bellowed. “Don’t make it worse!”
“The Flim Flam Brothers’ Ploughmobile does not make things worse!” Flim insisted. “Its sole purpose is convenience!”
“And efficient transportation!” put in Flam.
The jolt when they’d hit the railway tracks had knocked the plough loose. No sooner had Flim and Flam staked their claim when the long, large sheet of metal clearing their path flipped upwards. The snow it was moving was now shooting up in a steep arch, making a massive pile behind the vehicle as it hurtled along.
“Improved visibility!” Flim said as though they’d intended this.
“And there’s our destination!” Flam pointed ahead at the Crystal Empire.

Spike wasn’t looking ahead. He was looking at the enormous mound of snow forming behind the vehicle. Suddenly, the other end of the plough snapped off. It flew backwards and pelted into the mound it had created. Snow began tumbling down after the Ploughmobile, and without its plough, it couldn’t cut through the snow and outrun the avalanche.
“Thank you for travelling with the Flim Flam brothers!” Flim hastily shook Spike claws.
“No charge! This was the Ploughmobile’s terminal voyage!” Flam said quickly.
“Now if you’d like to join us in our withdrawal plan…!”
Spike and the twin unicorns weren’t quick enough to jump off. All three of them were hit in the face by a wall of snow. Spike tried exhaling fire to melt the snow around him, but more just took its place. He went on tumbling, getting dizzier by the second. Then, his face was scraped against something soft. He got a mouthful of glossy green grass. Quite suddenly, he stopped tumbling and landed on a shiny purple stone pathway.

He looked up. Flash Sentry was standing there looking down on him in surprise. He turned away and cued the fanfare standing close by.
“Great and Honourable Spike the Brave and Glorious!” he announced once the trumpets has ceased.
Everyone in the Crystal Empire was looking at Spike, half-buried in snow and clearly out of breath. There were cheers all around. Princess Cadance and Prince Shining Armour hurried up to Spike.
“Are you alright?” asked Shining Armour.
“Yeah,” Spike grunted as Cadance helped him up. “I had a little trouble getting here. How late am I?”
“About three hours,” answered Cadance. “Do you need a rest? We could send you to the Crystal Spa.”
Spike shook his head. “I’m fine. Let’s get cooking.”

None of the crystal ponies or holidaymakers complained about Spike’s tardiness, and when the failed stopping train finally arrived, the passengers who’d come to the street fair were relieved to see that Spike had survived being shot into the air via waterwheel. Spike spotted the stallion who had launched him. He was unharmed as well, but he’d landed in the frozen river beneath the bridge and now he had a cold. A crystal pony offered him boiled lemon water, but he said he couldn’t stand the taste and was unable to gulp it down. Spike reminded him that he’d be providing the fire to boil the water, so it should make it taste good.
“Thanks for helping me get here,” Spike said as his fan sipped his hot drink.
The Stout pony liked Spike’s boiled lemon water so much that he kept coming back for more. When the street fair was drawing to a close and the Stout pony returned for one last mug, Spike announced that it really would be the last.
“Has anyone got a torch handle I could use?” he asked to crowd.
“Here,” a crystal guard walked up and gave him a bright blue stick.
“And here’s your payment as well, Great and Honourable Spike,” he said, handing him a big bag of emeralds.
“Thank you,” said Spike. “And thank you all for being here for my retirement.”
Gasps echoed around the Crystal Empire.

Flim and Flam had long since dug themselves out of the avalanche they’d created and had decided to follow the trail their Ploughmobile had made instead of waiting on the station platform and letting ponies see them in a mess. It took them a while to find the path they’d made due to having to walk a long way around the huge snow pile caused by the broken plough. By the time they’d found it and had reached the spot where the Ploughmobile had hit the train tracks, a passenger train was coming and they had to wait before crossing. As the train passed, Spike poked his head out of a carriage window.
“Catch!” he called.
He threw the torch handle he’d been given out of the window. Flim magiced it still and held it up for him and Flam to look at. Spike had lit the torch with his flavourful fire.
“Thanks for helping me get to the Crystal Empire!” Spike called to the surprised brothers before the train sped away.

Miles back, Spitfire was freaking out. She hadn’t managed to find her bag of money. No one in Clopley Hill had seen where it landed. Most of the townsponies had been getting ready to demolish the Ploughmobile and lynch its drivers at the time. Some ponies had helped Spitfire search, but her bag and her money were nowhere to be seen. Spitfire had just begun looking around Steeds Central Station when the train Spike was on arrived.
“Catch!” Spike called through an open carriage window.
He tossed his bag of gemstones to Spitfire.
“What- what’s this for?!” cried the dumbfounded gold-medalist.
“My way of saying thanks for the ride,” smiled Spike.
Spitfire was very grateful, and the ponies on the platform cheered for Spike as the train took him away.

“I have officially announced my retirement,” Spike told Applejack and Rainbow Dash when he’d returned to Ponyville. “It was nice to be able to make so many ponies happy and all, but I just couldn’t keep it up. It was too much pressure.”
“So you gave those two schemers your fire?!” burst out Applejack. “The money they’ll make…!”
“Oh, they’ll mess it up somehow,” Spike shrugged.
Applejack had to admit that he was probably right. Rainbow Dash was happy to hear that her idol would not be declaring bankruptcy.
“After this, no one will care if you don’t know the Cloudsdale Anthem,” she snickered.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash hadn’t even walked Spike all the way home when he heard that familiar yelp.
“Oh, there’s a spider,” he smiled, picking up his pace.
Once he was at the front doors, he ran inside, quickly found Twilight, spotted the spider, scooped it up, and ran it out of the castle.
“Hey, thanks for not waving it in my face this time!” Twilight called after him.
“It’s fine!” Spike called back. “I mean, it doesn’t feel good to hold all the cards sometimes!”