//------------------------------// // Chapter 20: Sorrow and Guilt // Story: World of Chaos // by ugugg93 //------------------------------// The stars twinkled high in the sky as the two ponies walked along the expanse near the Everfree Forest, silence hanging in the air as the two made their way back towards Sarlaka's lair. The moon was still high in the night sky, the pair had set out early, though Twilight knew that any moment now, the sun would replace it in its Discordian way. She had tried to think of anything to say to Rarity to strike up some sort of conversation in an attempt to alleviate the pair from the heavy quiet that smothered them. However, every time she tried, the images of Rarity screaming in pain, slicing her horn off, the panicked wails that escaped Rarity's lungs upon the discovery of her disfigurement, and the shame of her participation in the vile acts always stopped her short. A dozen times she had opened her mouth to try, and a dozen times she closed it, the act of uttering a single word threatening to send tears to her eyes. It had been this way for the past day now, the endless brown plains on either side of the pair past by without a single wayward thought as they traveled. After Rarity found out about her horn, she had cried her heart out, refusing to be consoled by the very one who caused it. However, after only a single hour, Rarity's tears had dried, her sobbing finished, though her mood never lightened. After a simple few questions to make sure the Element of Generosity was safe, the white mare sat at the edge of the water, and stared off into the distance, never acknowledging either Twilight or her own image in the water. In fact, Rarity had rejected dinner and also did not join Twilight in the tent that night, settling to simply staring off into the distance. Either she had done this all night long, or had gone to sleep after Twilight did and woke up before the lavender unicorn rose from her slumber, for when Twilight went to sleep and when she woke up, Rarity was in the exact same position. Fortunately, Rarity did accept some breakfast, a simple orange, and after Twilight had broken down camp, the pair made their way out of the forest. Either because of simple absent mindedness, or because she longed to forget what she lost, Rarity had abandoned her sword on the ground when they left, leaving Twilight to carry it with her. Through it all, Twilight blamed herself. 'If only I were faster,' she thought to herself, 'If only I had told Rarity to be more careful. If only I didn't just let Rarity be the brave one, and take the front. If only...' “Its not your fault, you know.” The words broke Twilight from her mental scolding, and she turned towards the cracking, yet familiar, voice. Rarity didn't turn her head towards Twilight, but it was obvious that, at least for now, she was acknowledging her existence; something that the lavender mare wasn't going to complain about. Still, the shock from the sudden words caught Twilight off guard, gaping at the hornless unicorn, she was unable to think of any sort of response. “Did you hear me? Its not your fault,” Rarity spoke again, still not turning her gaze towards her. Stammering at first, Twilight finally broke out of her stupor, “But... but Rarity! What makes you think that I would be imagining that?” “Because, Twilight, its written all over your face.” Twilight debated asking how Rarity could notice that when she wasn't even looking at her, but decided against it. “But Rarity, I not only let you get up close to that thing, but I nearly FORCED you up there. There I was, standing in the back, hiding behind you, while you were up close!” “You didn't force me up there, I chose to get up next to it, and let you do what you do best, which is shoot the thing with your magic. You never once hid, and when I was thrown across the room, you-” Twilight stopped her walking, and closed her eyes, “Rarity, I almost didn't get you enveloped in that shield. I almost failed you. I DID fail you. I should have known that the Ursa was too powerful.” “Twilight.” “I should have known that the blood caused issues with magic, I should have been more forceful with my magic and held nothing back, and I should have-” “TWILIGHT SPARKLE!!” Twilight opened her eyes in shock, and saw herself looking into Rarity's eyes. Even with her disheveled mane, the dirtied fur, the destroyed horn, and the various cuts and scratches, Rarity's azure eyes were still filled with a passion that the mare always had within them. This time, that passion was brimmed with a sense of force; it wasn't rage, but, perhaps, disappointment. Her voice sure carried the tone of a mare enraged though, “I will not, and I will repeat, I will NOT hear you blaming yourself for what happened! It was not your fault that I was hit. In fact, you saved my life, and Celestia help me if you keep denying that fact, I will make SURE you realize it. It was not your fault that I took the front. I chose to be there, because I knew you needed your concentration with those spells, and I knew I could dodge that thing much better than you. It is not your fault that I got that Ursa's blood on me. I was in the front by choice, and with what I did to the thing, I'm surprised that blood didn't get on you as well. Furthermore, it is not your fault that you didn't know about the Ursa's blood thing. Sure you run a library, but that doesn't mean that you can possibly know everything, and if you try to claim that, I will smack the denial out of you. “Not only that, but after that happened, you saved my life, which would make it the second time that day that you did. Yes, it was an awful decision, and there was no good choice, but if I knew then what I know now, and I could change what happened, I wouldn't do anything differently. Like I said, you saved my life. I should be on my knees thanking your sorry flank, not listening to you feeling sorry for me, because I will let you know, Twilight, it doesn't help me. What WOULD help me is you to stop blaming yourself for what happened to me, because I don't blame you in the slightest! For the love of Luna, just let me thank you!” After several deep and labored breaths, Rarity lowered her head, her eyes now staring at her hooves, “Please... please just... let me thank you...” Twilight studied Rarity as she stood there, head down, as if bowing in reverence to her supposed savior. Thinking about what she said, Rarity was correct in a lot of respects. If it wasn't for her quick thinking, a lot of things would've happened in those few minutes to turn a bad situation into a disaster. She did save her friend with that shield spell, she did save her from the magical overload that was spreading to her skull. She had also grabbed the element, Rarity, their gear, dragged them out, all without using magic in fear of whatever happened to Rarity would happen to her. Twilight had done a lot, and Rarity was right Twilight spoke, her voice somber, “I'm sorry Rarity, but even if you are right, it is still my fault. I could have, and should have done more, and now you are paying the price.” Rarity never picked her head up as Twilight witnessed the remaining will within her friend shatter at the rejection. Twilight watched as her broken friend turned, and continued down the road, never sparing another glance behind her. Taking an extra second to inhale and release a deep breath, Twilight trotted up to Rarity, who had returned to her silent and stoic march. Catching up, the pair made their way through the bare hills on their way back to their sanctuary. As they walked, Twilight dared to speak, “Hey Rarity, I was able to save your sword and your diamonds. Do... do you still want them?” Never sparing even a glance she calmly spoke in a level voice, “Those things are as dead to me as my magic, my dreams, and my entire existence.” Her eyes grew wide once more as Twilight looked at Rarity, “What? Rarity, how could you say that!?” “Twilight, my entire life revolved around me using my magic. Sure, my special talent isn't magic like yours, but I use it every day. Without it, I can't make my dresses, I can't find gems, I can't apply my own makeup, hell,” Rarity paused, chuckled a short and hollow laugh, “I can't even use a spoon anymore.” The lavender mare's ears lowered flat onto her head as she looked again at Rarity, “Rarity, I-” “Twilight, lets just get back to that damned cave and be done with all of this.” ______________________________________________________________________________ Rainbow paced on her little cloud island in the sky as her mind raced. The sun had not come up just yet, and while the alcohol still flowed in her system, its strength had been mostly neutralized by this point. The dizziness in her head was only slightly present and the stumble in her step was mostly gone. The cyan mare suspected that she had her quick metabolism to thank for her quick sobering, but she also suspected that the massive influx of adrenaline just an hour ago was also to thank. While her sobering had helped with her physical coordination, it came nowhere close to helping her cope with the current situation in general. Namely, the fact that she had... slept with Fluttershy. Rainbow winced at the thought, the idea that she did anything like that with one of her friends, especially the most timid and shy one, frightened her. “Ok ok ok,” Rainbow spoke to herself, still pacing, “this isn't that bad. Its just a one night fling. Everypony's done that before. Sure, I haven't, and I know Fluttershy hasn't either, but... well... ugh! This isn't helping... why do I always have to buck up like this? We were doing great, we were making good time, and I have to go and have drunken sex with her. I am such a buck up...” Rainbow Dash sat down on the cloud, and brought a hoof to the arch of her muzzle, “Ok, talking down to myself is not helping here. Lets look at this logically, like Twilight or something.” Rainbow paused, and cleared her throat, “First off, do I even like mares? Hell, does SHE!? Of course she does, we had intercourse, but that means that if she does because of that, I like mares too, but don't think I like mares, but then I wouldn't have had intercourse with her, but I did, but then she wouldn't have, and she did, but that would mean that... AGH!” Collapsing onto the cloud, Rainbow rolled over onto her back, her front hooves covering her eyes, “Why does Twilight have to be so complicated! Or me acting like her. Or... ugh. Forget it. Lets... what would Applejack tell me? “Well, Ah have to be honest with myself,” Rainbow Dash thought out loud, “If Ah slept with her, then Ah have to love her. At the same time, if she slept with me, then she must love me. An' hell, even if we don' love each other, because we had sex, tha' means that we have to marry, or else one of our father's will kick us to death... or something. But wait, don' that only happen if I get her pregnant, or she gets me pregnant? Or does it? An' what about the whole two mares thing? Ain't that... wait... did I just say ain't'?” Rainbow Dash picked herself back up, and shook her head vigorously, “What was that? I guess Applejack Me is a bad choice to figure this sort of thing out. Let alone the fact that I now feel like kicking a tree, she's less helpful than Twilight Me, and I didn't even know what Twilight Me even said!” Sighing, Rainbow resumed her pacing, “What would Pinkie say?” Shaking her head vigorously again, she started speaking quickly, “Ohmygosh ohmygosh ohmygosh! You two are together!? That's amazing! You know what this calls for!?!? A party!” Rainbow nearly yelled, her forelegs throwing themselves into the air, half expecting confetti to suddenly appear, “And we have to invite everypony in the whole wide world like Applejack and Twilight and Rarity and Clyde and Martha and that one guard pony who I don't kno-” Rainbow shoved a hoof into her mouth, halting the endless assault against her ears, her words now muffled by the mass of cyan in her mouth. After a few seconds, Rainbow stopped, slowly looked around, and took her hoof out of her mouth. After removing her hoof with an audible “pop”, she carefully wiped the saliva off of the appendage. A slight blush forming on her cheeks at the random outburst, she sighed, “Ok, that was so much worse than the others, I'm not even going to say the reasons why. Ok, so Pinkie Me wants to throw a party for, well, me; Applejack Me wants me beaten in the face unless we get married, I think; Twilight Me wants... well... I don't even know what she.. or I... or it wants. Hmm...” Rainbow Dash tapped her slightly damp hoof against her chin, “What would Rarity be like? “Oh my! That is absolutely MARVELOUS!” Rainbow said, drawing out the last word excessively. She took a forehoof, and brushed her mane out of her face with an exaggerated brush, “I never knew that such scandalous love could foster between the two of you! I mean, look at it? Rai... umm... me: athletic, strong, and quick on her... my hooves. Meanwhile, there's Fluttershy: shy, well thought out, and kind beyond belief. This is a match destined for the most romantic of stories, the most glamorous of weddings! Two childhood friends together at last!! Wahahaha!!” Rainbow stopped as she noticed that she now stood tall on her hind legs with her hooves curled up in front of her and with her wings spread out wide behind her to keep her balance. With an audible groan, she flopped herself back onto her back, the cloud cushioning her fall. “Rarity is crazy.” She laid there for a few minutes, letting her mind empty as she focused on nothing except the feeling of the fluffy cloud below her, the puffy mass slightly moist to her touch. The vaporous cloud, while made up of water, never truly soaked her coat, merely cooling it. To any other race of ponies, these white masses would feel like nothing more than humid air as they fell through it, but for her, it was as comfortable as any bed. Above her, the wind blew softly, her mane gently blowing the cool night breeze. The wind up here was much harder than at ground level, and was cool enough to send a small chill through Rainbow, though it was a good chill that reinvigorated her. But the flood of thoughts and memories inevitably came rushing back, filling the mare's mind with a sense of worry, fear, and something else; something very small that she just couldn't put her hoof on. It was an interesting feeling. The worry within her made her want to roll over the side of the cloud, and upchuck her entire stomach, though the fading alcohol might be a contributing factor. The fear made her want to run and hide, something that was completely against her entire being, and something she felt she could never do to any of her friends, though the desire was still there. That last feeling though made her want to do the complete opposite of what the rest of her mind was telling her body to do. That last feeling was telling her that she had to go back to Fluttershy, make sure that she knew that she was sorry for leaving her, make sure that she knew that she would never run away again, snuggle up next to her, and continue their blissful slumber. Rainbow shook her head, trying to shake out that previous offending thought that was invading her mind, trying to deny its existence, but no matter how hard she tried, the warm feeling remained within her, and continued its weak, yet constant, pull on the mare's mind and heart. It was a small feeling yes, but it was slowly growing by the minute. Finally, Rainbow started talking to herself again, still on her back, her voice slightly frantic in tone, “Alright, forget my friends, or me acting like my friends, or my friends acting like me acting like them, or whatever. Lets just look at the good and bad about this sort of relationship... or friendship... or mareship... or shipship. I mean, the mare is slow, physically I mean, and probably could never keep up with me if I really tried. I always wanted somepony that could keep up with me and help me with my tricks, and I have to say, Fluttershy isn't that kind of pegasus. Second off, she's quite literally my best friend, and... I don't know... are best friends supposed to have some kind of unspoken rule where they DON'T get together romantically? I'm sure there's a law or something that Twilight could tell me about, though we aren't really in Equestria anymore I guess, so would that make it ok? Grr!” Rainbow picked herself back onto her hooves, and resumed her pacing yet again, her speech speeding up in turn, “Not to mention the fact that things could get really awkward if something were to happen between the two of us. I mean, Elements of Harmony, friendship, and all that jazz would be hard to maintain if we were to break up. What would happen then? I mean, would they still work? IF I was still loyal, she kind, and we hated each other? Wait... she kind and hating me? Is that possible!? Oh, and of course this is completely ignoring the manticore in the room: the fact that we're both mares. I mean, sure, I don't have any problems with mares that... well... swing that way, but do others? Do our friends? And that's not even considering the fact that I don't even know if I like mares like that. Sure, Fluttershy is great, really great, and kind, and... well... actually...” She stopped in her tracks, a small smile slowly started to take over her face, the first genuine one she had since she came to her cloud haven. Smiling she continued to monologue, this time is a much smoother and calm voice, “I guess that girl is really great, huh? I mean, I guess it goes without saying that she's the kindest mare I've ever met, and I would guess the kindest one out there period, considering the whole element thing and all. If nothing else, she always makes me smile, no matter how... well... frustrating she can be, which is pretty awesome in itself. Not only that, but I don't think there's another pony out there I get along better with than her. Sure, Applejack is cool to hang out with and compete against, but that's kinda it. Pinkie is fun to prank with and I love her parties, but that's kinda it as well. The other girls too have their qualities, but none of them come close to how close us two are.” Rainbow grinned wider, a slight blush burning through her fur, “Heh... not to mention how nice that flank is.” The naughty thought subsided as fast as it came, but the confused mare's smile did not. She looked up, and saw the moon high in the air, lighting the world all around her. “I guess I really don't know what I want, huh?” She said to the moon itself. Looking down, she saw just a short distance away the inn that the pair of pegasi had been staying at. She had been gone for well over an hour now, and considering she really didn't know what time it was and she really didn't want to fly back to the inn while the sun was up, she decided it was time to head back, even if she wasn't really sure what she was going to say to her yellow companion. Spreading her wings slowly, she gave them a gentle few flaps, making sure that her feathers were all situated in their right places and her muscles were properly stretched after the stressful hour of panicked pacing. With a gentle flap of her wings, she took off from her lofty perch, and soared through the sky. Leveling off, she settled on gliding down, letting her speed keep her aloft, drifting down, and towards the room that the pair were sharing. Light now spilled through the open window she had escaped from, signaling to her that Fluttershy was most likely awake now. Through it all, even if she didn't know what she was going to do about the whole situation that she had gotten the two of them into, a subconscious smile overtook her face as she thought about the mare she was about to confront.