//------------------------------//
// Remember When You Burned Our House Down? 
// Story: Remember When 
// by Cheesey Microwave 
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	Celestia woke up, her entire body aching. Probably because she fell asleep on a pool table.
What in the...? She got off the creaky wood and stretched her legs as far as they would go. A couple other ponies were passed out on the ground, one of them the ever regal Prince Storm, whose mane was still perfect despite his messy surroundings. The other pony was vaguely familiar, but the princess couldn't quite put her hoof on it.
"Storm, get up." Her majestic and firm voice came out as a hoarse whisper. Aggravated and confused, she shook her royal nephew. "C'mon, get up."
He groaned and kicked at her lightly. "My head hurts."
"Get up! What happened last night?"
"Uh... you invited me over, I brought some friends, we did some tasting, you didn't want to make Rosemary go bankrupt so we drank from the cider they were about to throw out..."
"I told you that was a bad idea," a grouchy and all-too-familiar voice nagged.
"Shut it, Lame Flower!" The prince seemed out of character. Or perhaps I just don't spend enough time with him, Celestia thought.
"Lame Flower? Is that really the best you can do, Priss Snot?"
Celestia sat down and watched the name-calling escalate into a physical altercation, which May Flower quickly and easily won. The ex-servant took a seat, right on top of the prince. "And then... I really don't know. Something about flowers, and rice everywhere...?"
A shrill scream from another room soon led to the answer: Belt Buckle, a stallion of high breeding with a knack for developing new fashions, found himself wearing a golden ring on his horn. The mare wearing the matching ring was Turnip Soup, a gluttonous chef with a real knack for beating ponies senseless with kitchen utensils.
"Oh, yeah! The wedding!" May Flower grinned and clapped her hooves. "They seem so happy together!"
"About as happy as a hamster caged with a snake," Storm remarked.
Celestia put a hoof to her muzzle to silence her snickers. The elegant gentlecolt burst into the room, shouting something about "a hideous sack of rotten kale and twice as putrid smelling". The obese mare came "galloping" after him, although to anypony besides a sloth it seemed more like a slow-motion walk.
"Y'all said I was pretty in the dress, dang it!"
"I was drunk, you harpy!"
"That ain't no excuse for tryin' ta leave yer wife!"
The conversation continued as they ran throughout all the recreational rooms the hotel had to offer. 
May Flower got up and stretched a bit. "Well, I suppose I'd better be off. If you ever come back, don't try to include me in the party, okay?"
Celestia's face turned a light shade of pink. "Look, how was I supposed to know that it was fermented?"
"Smell test. Seriously, next time you try to make punch with any juice whatsoever, just do a smell test." She smoothed out her mane and trotted out.
Storm still lay on the ground, a hoof placed on his forehead. "I think I had something I needed to do today, but I don't remember..."
The next words he uttered were a long string of particularly foul names and adjectives, some of which Celestia herself didn't know. With an amazing burst of speed, the prince got to his hooves and zipped out of the hotel in a matter of seconds.
Perhaps I should leave now.	



"Did you have fun, Celestia?" Rosemary gave her favorite sun-princess a strained smile.
"I don't remember. I accidentally... um... got drunk..."
"Oh, sure." The green elder rolled her eyes. "How many times have I told you, alcohol isn't any good for you?"
"It was an accident, though! You said you were paying for it, but I think I might've had them put the bill on Silk Hat because I didn't want to buy him a wedding present... but, anyways, I wanted to make some punch and theirs was really expensive, so I went and bought some juices from the store... and... um... oh, yeah! They were out of apple juice, and the chefs were about to toss a barrel of cider out the window, and I just thought, 'What's the difference?' and used it in the punch. I didn't know it was-"
"Smell test," Rosemary interrupted.
"I know," Celestia grumbled.
Just as Celestia was about to continue with her story, none other than the famed Starswirl the Bearded burst into the house. "Celestia, this is far more important than visiting with the elderly! Somepony has left a letter in the ruins of the castle, but it's not made of paper!"
Rosemary shot the eccentric scholar a nasty glare. "Stuffy know-it-all."
"Wrinkled hag," he shot back.
"Grouchy old coot!"
"Brainless doll!"
"Enough. Give me the letter." Celestia put a hoof on her former nanny's shoulder. "And be nice. The 'wrinkled hag' is near death and certainly doesn't need you stressing her out."
"That's too bad, I suppose. Oh, and you can't have it! Don't be ridiculous, Celestia! I put an analysis spell on it. So far, it's almost purely magical, with some bits of mane and fur that somehow got stuck in it." Starswirl put a hoof on his magnificent beard. "Truly an odd thing. Do you think that Nightmare Moon is trying to contact you? After all, Luna has always been a bit tricky, especially when you least expect it."
"Luna and I have been writing to each other," Celestia replied rather nonchalantly, as if sending letters to a being within the moon and receiving letters back was no big thing.
Starswirl's eyes went wide. He grabbed Celestia by the shoulders and shook her as he shouted, "You fool, have you any idea what could happen from doing so?!"
"No. Do you?"
"No!" He let go and stamped his hooves. "And that is precisely why it is so dangerous! Did you know that almost sixty-percent of all major teleportation spells have drastic side effects? Why, I had a friend named Clay Shield, his bark was worse than his bite and he loved traveling! So, you know, I managed to figure out a spell that would get him across the world without ripping him into tiny little bits in the process. The problem was, once anypony went near the spot he had stood in as I performed the spell, they went to the exact same place he was at the time! It was the strangest thing, and I never figured out why!"
"Well, this is part of an effort to get Luna back earlier, and I don't hear you offering any other suggestions." Celestia stood up just a bit straighter. "The second your analysis is finished, bring me the letter. If one letter, jot or tittle is smudged, I will have your head on a stake. Understood?"
He sighed. "Very well, then. Oh, er, by the by, Miss Rosemuck-"
"Rosemary!"
"Rosemary, yes. Is there any flower you're, ah, particularly allergic to?"
The mare put a hoof on her chin. "Well, tulips don't- why, you little!" In her rage, she snatched Celestia's crown off her head and tossed it at the unicorn. It struck him on the forehead, leaving a nasty bruise.
His jaw dropped. "Why, I oughta..."
"Go," Celestia snapped. "And if you ever lay a hoof on her-"
"You'll have my head on a stake. Honestly, Celestia, think of some new threats!"



"Well, we've done some scouting around, and it seems that there are only two places that would be able to expand as the population did. The first one is closer by, but it's out in the open, leaving the capital practically defenseless. Walls would have to be built-"
"Next option." Celestia stared at the assistant, eyes half closed, mouth mid-scowl. 
The mare coughed. "Er, of course, your Highness. The next is, well, a mountainside. It offers quite a few more advantages in protection, although it will be pretty easy to see from a bird's eye view once completed. Some of the unicorns in the group of royal architects do have an idea for disguising it, but it would be incredibly difficult and require constant maintenance and I won't even speak of the cost. It'll be pretty high up. We could build an artificial lake, or just build it by the waterfall."
"How much more expensive will building in the mountain be?"
"Um... let's see, here... oh. Oh, my." Her yellow face turning pale, she turned the paper around and lifted it to Celestia's face.
The snow white princess was now a light shade of green. "Do we even have this much money left in the treasury?"
"Just barely. Of course, that would be for a castle of similar size as the old one. If we were to create a smaller one... well, it's still expensive, but not as bad." The mare pulled the paper from under Celestia's muzzle and circled a smaller number with black ink. She then gave it back to Celestia. "That's including the basics for a city as well as a castle."
"We might as well. When will it be finished?"
"If we start today, the castle will be built in a week... oh, wait, in mare-hours. In terms of a realistic workday... three or four weeks. The castle won't be furnished, of course."
Celestia nodded. "Get going, then. You have my permission."
"Please sign here..." The assistant gave Celestia a piece of paper and tapped on a line. "And here," she added as she repeated the process with a different piece. "And here. And here. Oh, and here."
A few illegible scribbles later, Crow Quill was on her way to the head royal architect. Celestia put her head in her hooves and sighed. Outside the rented office, she could hear a few ponies having a bit of a scuffle. Curious, she crawled over and put her ear to the door.
"I have to see the Princess! It's a matter of grave importance!" That voice belonged to Starswirl.
"I've said it once and I'll say it again: prove to me that you're the real Starswirl!" That one was familiar, but she couldn't put a hoof on it.
"So what if I've been gone for a month or two? You know what I look like! Now step away from the door, dear sir, or I will have to use my..."
Oh, no.
"...powers of..."
I can't believe he's actually pausing for dramatic effect.
"Kung-fu! Hi-yaaaaa!"
The sound of a hoof against something soft and squishy followed the cry. Next came a groan of pain from the advanced unicorn. "Frankly, even if you aren't really Starswirl, you're not much of a threat."
"So... I can go in?"
"Yes. But make it quick."
The door opened. Starswirl strolled in, holding one of Luna's signature letters in his aura. "Now, Celestia, I have a few things to say. Number one, your guards' behavior is simply atrocious! Number two, the analysis revealed that there's nothing to fear about the composition of the letters. Number three, regarding the content of the letter itself..." He paused and put a hoof on his fluffy, regal beard. "I actually haven't read it yet." Ignoring Celestia's protesting, he opened it and began to read, muttering under his breath as he did so.
"Starswirl, stop that!" Celestia tried to seize the paper with her own magic, but the scholar's ability to dodge rivaled her own ability to act quickly.
"You did what? Oh, Celestia, you're such a silly filly!" He burst into laughter, wiping the tears from the corners of his eyes as he continued to keep the letter away from the princess' grasp.
"Stop that! Give it to me! Now!" Embarrassed and desperate, Celestia jumped on him and pinned him down. This, however, did nothing to make Starswirl stop reading.
He started laughing again. 	Furious, the princess slammed her hooves over his eyes. Starswirl began to panic, shouting "I'm blind!" over and over until his words became mangled and unintelligible. 
In his state of terror, Celestia managed to take the letter away. "Get out of here! Now!"
"Well, maybe if you got off of me first..."
She sighed and delicately stepped away from his somewhat crushed body. Despite her svelte body, Celestia still weighed quite a bit. 
"Good day, your Highness!" Starswirl gave her a quick nod, then marched out of the room.
Somewhat disgruntled, she sat down and began to read.


	Dear Celestia,
I don't particularly feel like being sappy today. I'm sure you understand. 
I do, however, feel like embarrassing the stuffing out of you. Let's begin, shall we?
Before we met Discord or the war even started, we all lived in the loveliest little cottage. Was it small? Yes. Were we crowded? Yes. Did we love it? Yes. 
The roof was thatched, the walls were made of log-halves Father had split himself, the floors were literally dirt, the windows were just holes Mother made while building the house and the door was hundreds of long wheat stalks we had dried out for no particular reason during a day of great boredom. Before we decided to do that, there was no door! Our parents may have been alicorns, but they certainly weren't good architects!
One lovely summer day, Mother and Father were out on one of their dates. I was hardly six, but I still knew dates were something we didn't want to be around. Slow dancing, romantic talk, kissing... blech! We were perfectly fine with staying all by ourselves.
In the sweltering heat.
With the nearest lake being three miles away as well as the exact place they were going for their date.
Now, you were quite the little pyromaniac. You had a strange fascination with burning things. You would take two sticks, rub them together at a furious pace and begin lighting things on fire. The ring of dirt around the cottage stood as testimony for your love of flames. 
Dragging me along, you decided to leave the house and visit the pristine meadow behind it, with one purpose and one purpose alone in your mind:
Burn everything. 
I tried to talk you out of it, but you would not listen to me.
"I shall burn it; thou cannot stop me!" Sticks clutched tightly in your magical grip, you began galloping towards the lovely green fields at a furious pace. I held onto your back, too fearful of being snatched away by the wind to speak.
Once we arrived, I slid off your back and collapsed into a fearful pile of shivering blue fur. Tongue protruding out of your mouth, as it usually did when you were concentrating, you began to rub the sticks together at such a fierce speed I feared you would wear a groove into your hooves.
The tip of the top stick was lit afire after a moment. You held the flaming twig with your aura, inspected it carefully, put me back on your back and jumped off the ground. Your wings were flapping as hard and as quickly as they could to make up for the extra weight.
"Now... burn, ye green stalks! Burn and grow no more! Ye shall never plague dearest Mother and Father again!" With that, you dropped the stick.
It was extinguished before reaching the ground.
Frustrated, you pulled two sticks out of a bush and tried again. Since the wood was green, the fire would be little and the smoke would be plentiful. You always hated smoke, but that didn't stop you.
This time, once the pitiful flame came into existence, you carefully let it touch a particularly dry stalk of grass. 
The trip back home was either within moments or took hundreds of years. I cannot remember which, as my young mind was divided into two sides that remembered the ride a bit differently: the first was fearful of the flames, since some of them leapt high enough to singe your tail; the second's anxiety was caused by the idea that Mother and Father might return early and, not only would you get in trouble, I would be punished as your accomplice!
Once we were safely home, we watched through the back windows as the fire reached the edge of the meadow. You began spouting off some nonsensical facts that only a fellow pyromaniac could've understood. I just watched, nodding every now and then.
Before I continue, I want to tell you this: I have done hundreds of stupid things. The lovely letter you just sent me, as well as my imprisonment, are two very good reminders of that.
But, as you did this, you were being so... honestly, I can't even describe it. Did your brains fall out as you flew away or something?
You, the intelligent big sister with a knack for magic and lectures, the little filly whose hoofwriting was far superior to her parents', the soon-to-be princess/military leader, ripped the wheat stalks form the top of the door and places them all in a neat line that stopped just a few centimeters or so from our house.
They ate them up so quickly, you didn't even see the first little ember that started it coming. 
The wall felt particularly warm at first, I remember that. You were so amazed that the last bit was taking so long to burn.
And then we both realized it wasn't the wheat burning.
I started screaming and hid under bed. You had to pull me out and- I'm a bit embarrassed to admit this- tie me to your back using some yarn mother had left out. ("I shall try knitting someday," she said. "I shall make ye gloves, to cover your hooves." My mild case of frostbite said otherwise.)
Your hooves did pound against the dirt so hard, deep hoofprints still remained when we visited the cleared land a month or so later. You jumped atop Cobblestone Mountain, a.k.a the pile of rocks we had made on a rainy day that grew every time we found a rock bigger than your hoof. We were safe from the flames, but not the smoke. You grew dizzy and had to lie down. In your exhaustion, you forgot that you had a little filly on your back who was rendered mute by fear. I let out a bloodcurdling shriek, which prompted you to get off the mountain as quickly as you could and gallop to the lovely lake Mother and father were by.
Luckily for us, they were just getting done with swimming and noticed us from a hundred meters away. You screamed to them a poorly-worded story about what happened, and if I remember correctly, you tried to pin some of the blame on me. I've forgiven you for that, of course. I've forgiven everything I could possibly be angry about.
They wasted no time in getting there. Father decided to literally drag you alongside him. 
The house was fully aflame, its brightness rivaling that of the sun you now own. As Mother went to find held, the roof collapsed. At this point, there was no salvaging it.
We had to go stay with Grandmother Drop-Spindle. It was an awful stay at first: we would take turns complaining about the potential loss of valued trinkets, Mother would roll her eyes, Grandmother would try to comfort us and Father would reprimand us.
There is something I must tell you before I end this letter: The nightmare forces have lost their will to patrol, or so it seems. I have the distinct feeling that I will be with you sooner than you thought.
All my love and hope,
Luna


Celestia's face had turned red, then white, then pink and finally white again. This was proof that the spell was working! Surely Starswirl would stop worrying about the side effects once Luna was back, wouldn't he?



"Musty Pages, bring me any and all books that cover the topic of reversing banishment spells!" Starswirl's voice echoed throughout the Canterlot public library.
The head librarian of the now-destroyed castle library shot a nasty glare his way. "You can look for yourself. You were supposed to help restore the books an hour ago, remember? They still need your help." Musty pages pointed towards a rather inconspicuous door nestled between two wooden shelves.
Starswirl saluted her, than marched into the room. "I'd love to stay and help, but this is a matter of grave importance! How many books have you recovered so far?"
Two other unicorns were in there, carefully inspecting two piles of books. Misty Winds, a petite mare the color of the sky, pointed to the larger heap of books. "Firtht thingth firtht, though, you have to repair your thare of bookth. It'th only fair, you know!" Her lisp had caused a pool of saliva to form at her hooves.
With a sigh, Starswirl sat down at the smaller pile. Most of the books were charred and torn. This would take a while.
"What were you going to look for?" Kingfisher, an orange stallion with a strange obsession with birds, sat down beside the bearded scholar. "
"I need any and every book that even references banishment reversal and shortening spells." Starswirl's aura surrounded a thick hunk of charcoal. Slowly, slowly, the black was washed away to reveal the cover of a lengthy medical journal. He set it down next to the pile of repaired books and moved on to a different one.
"Let'th thee, here. Hithtory of Villainy..." Misty tossed a book aside. "Onthe Upon A Betrayal... yuck, I alwayth hated that book. Helping Loved Oneth... Dirt-Caked Roadth... Book of Banithment..."
Starswirl rolled his eyes. "Let me clarify: any and every non-fiction book that even references banishment reversal and shortening spells."
Misty paused for a moment, then put Once Upon A Betrayal and Dirt-Caked Roads back in the pile.
As Misty pulled out books, Kingfisher went through them and put scraps of paper in the sections where "banishment reversal" or "banishment shortening" was mentioned.
Six hours and five hundred books later, Starswirl had finished repairing books. "It's about time! Now, who wants to help me study?"
Nopony replied. As Starswirl looked around, he realized that there wasn't anypony else in the room.
"Clearly, they have no idea how important this is," he muttered under his breath. "On second thought, why would they? I barely told them any reason why I wanted the books. Come to think of it, I didn't tell them any reason for wanting the books!"
Satisfied with his acquaintance's behavior, Starswirl opened Destruction of Empires on the paper mark Kingfisher had left. 


Ha'lmakthar had once written a spell meant to reverse banishment, but it failed on every try. Queen Calthri knew he wouldn't be a wise addition to her staff, so she refused the offer almost immediately.


Nothing useful there. He opened Book of Banishment.


A great wizard once wrote of shortening accidental or improper banishments, but tha book, Helping Loved Ones, is incredibly rare and most of the spells have extreme side effects. They're also rather odd, as they seem to be more ritual-like than a true and proper spell. There have, however, been reports of it working.


Starswirl slammed the book shut and opened Helping Loved Ones.


	Side effects of any and all of these spells including aging reversal, accidental re-corruption, inability to speak, difficulty in adapting to anything new, memory loss, susceptible to mind control and socially awkward behavior. This is not, I repeat, this is not a complete list. As more and more ponies try to use these spells, the more side effects are being discovered and the more warnings I have had to add to whatever books I can get my hooves on. This book is an incredibly dangerous thing, and you must be very careful. If something or somepony Is holding the banished one captive, they will start to lose their will to guard. Do not, under any circumstances, advise the banished to escape upon seeing this. I have only heard that this happens, and I don't know of anypony who tried to escape early, but do not do it!


Many more warnings followed. Starswirl's face grew pale. 
What has she done?