I'm having the nicest dream.
I'm cuddled up to a warm furry pillow, resting my face in the marshmallowy softness.
The Pillow twitches, and screams, “Unhand me Ruffian!”
I'm having the worst dream.
Suddenly I'm flying through the air, through a solid wood door, off the railing and tumbling down the stairs.
Also my stomach really hurts, must have been when the pillow bucked me in the gut.
I think I wake up, I'm really not sure at this point. I'm sprawled on my back, upside down on the bottom steps, my head resting on the floor at an... well, everything's at an awkward angle.
To quote a minor character from another cartoon series, ALL I KNOW IS PAIN.
I hear the BAMF of a teleportation and suddenly Rarity is there, looking at me with great concern.
I give her a pleasant smile, reach up and gently touch her cheek, “You're my Lucky Diamond.”
The last thing I see before lapsing into peaceful blackness is Rarity's beautiful ivory face blushing bright pink.
Beep... beep... beep...
Eyes slowly open. I'm laid out on a bed, the sheets up around my bare chest
Sounds like a hospital but it's not white enough. One hand reaches up and touches my head only to run into something made of metal with wires sticking out of it.
2 + 2 = 5...
Ahh I get it, I'm in the... bum bum buuum.... Lab of Dr. Twilight. And the metal thing is a copy of that sensor gadget from Feeling Pinkie Keen that looks like a salad strainer with lights wires and such, My theory is proven by the presence of the machine sitting next to the bed spewing out a stream of paper.
“Oh, good, you're awake” comes the voice of everybody's favorite ubernerd of Awesome Arcane Shit. “I was starting to worry that Rarity had really hurt you.”
“My Dear Princess, if that was all it took to hurt me here, I will have to turn in my Tank character class card and find a different job, my stats have changed since I landed in your world.”
Twilight rears up and puts her front hooves on the side of the bed, her eyes alight, “You've played Ogres and Oubliettes?”
Taking a wild stab at the multiverse theory, I ask, “Which edition?”
Twilight squeals happily and does the 'hopping around in a circle in glee chirping “Yes! Yes! Yes!” ' thing.
Direct hit, Captain! We have pushed Purple Stuff's geek button!
Adorkable, thy name is Twilight Sparkle.
I chuckle softly and wait for her to settle down, “So give it to me straight Doc, am I gonna live?”
Twilight gives me a look that would make a Bugbear back down, “You'd better, You're the only pony I know that knows about ONO outside of comic book shops in Canterlot!”
I grin, “Good enough, How's Rarity holding up?”
No sooner do I ask then I hear the lab door slam open and a teary eyed Rares comes tearing in, dragging Pinkie behind her. “Darling! I was so worried!” She skids to a halt at the side if the bed.
Pinkie loses her grip and bounces out of sight. Whatever stopped her must have been expensive from the crash and the way Sparky reacts, running after her. “Oh Nonono! Pinkie!!!”
I hear the Pink Wonder cheer, “Whee!”
Rarity pauses, mouth agape, at a loss for words.
I sense Hijinks. I finally give in to curiosity, pull the colander helmet off and look.
Pinkie's walking on the ceiling... I mean it. Upside down and everything.
I stand err sit corrected. nNot Hijinks, Hi-Pinks.
I have a terrible urge to pull out a camera, snap a picture, and say, “Neat!”
`
Twilight's clearly not expecting this kind of reaction as she's frantically digging through her notes and muttering to herself, the words “impossible”, and “no it's Pinkie” mixed in.
“Pinks, I know you and gravity have an on and off again relationship, but this is just silly.” I put my legs over the side of the bed and realize I'm completely naked. “Could somebody hand err, hoof me my pants?”
Rarity gives Sparky a withering glare.
Twilight 's brain is forced to shift gears from an antigravity earth pony to the practical matter of pants. “Hehe, well I did need to examine him.” She blushes cutely, then points a hoof at a chair where my clothes are laid out.
“Perhaps Darling, but how thoroughly?” Rarity floats my pants over to me.
“Rares, This is Twilight Sparkle we're talking about here. I'm sure she knows everything from my blood type to if I like Pina Colada's.”
“Perhaps Darling, but a lady would ask.” Rarity huffs.
I stand up, repantsed and approach the inverted Pink Pony, “ Well, Twi, I'm glad you acted like a doctor and not a lady. Otherwise you'd have had to wait for me to wake up, that might have taken a while, speaking of which, what time is it?”
Pinkie giggles and tries to get away, running across the ceiling, “It's eleven, lunch rush at the Corner! I need to get to work!”
“Not like that you aren't Pinks. You step outside you could end up floating away.” I manage to get my arms around her barrel with a jumping grab, the two of us float slowly down to the floor.
Twilight observes this and adds to hwr notes, “you two are about even weight wise, I'd say Ced's got a few pounds on you, Pinkie, If you agree to stay tethered to him then I would approve you going to Sugarcube Corner as long as you stay inside once you get there.
Pinkie giggles, and wraps her hooves around my left forearm, all four of them. “Okey Dokey Loki!”
Now I like Pinks as a friend, but seeing as her head's at my elbow, I don't wanna think about where my hand is.
“How long do you think this will last Twilight?” Rarity asks, in a combination of frustration and concern.
Twilight blinks, the gears spinning in her head for a couple seconds, “I'd say about an hour. Ced, Could you watch her and take notes?”
I shrug, “Sure, but could you read them afterwards?”
Twilight facehooves, “Right, Language barrier. Rarity?”
Rarity shakes her head, “I am already delayed on an important order for a dignitary from the Crystal Empire, I couldn't possibly.”
I snap my fingers (on my right hand) “Tell you what, I was planning to check out my car this afternoon around three, far as I knew all the girls were going to be there for the reveal. I'll give you my findings then, a verbal report. Will that work for everyone?”
Twilight nods with a smile.
Rarity nods as well, “That should give me time to get caught up.”
The topsy turvy pink pony currently straddling my arm giggles, “Fine by me!”
I nod, “Good, Let the others know, would ya Twi?”
“No problem,” Twilight nods, “Spike!”
Oh great, I knew this was coming.
The lab door opens again. Enter the Spike, the look of suspicion across his face doubled when he sees my somewhat compromising position ( left arm above my head, Pinkie wrapped around it.)
“What's he doing here? And what's he doing to Pinkie?”
Rarity tries to intercept, ”Spikey Wikey, He was hurt this morning, after a fall down the stairs.”
Spike smirks, “and Pinkie?”
Twilight responds, “lab accident.”
Pinkie giggles, “Yeah! I'm totally upside downey right now! She lets go of my arm and floats back up to the ceiling.
Spike observes this and blinks... “ookay...”
I decide to break the ice. “Hey, we got off on the wrong foot, I got some cool stuff to show the girls at AJ's at 3, wanna meet up a little early? I wanna have a little chat with ya.”
Spike looks at me for a few seconds, “Alright, as long as it's ok with Twilight.”
Twilight smiles and gives an ephatic nod, “Would you send a note to the other girls?”
Spike smiles “Sure!” he pulls out a blank scroll and scratches down a quick note, then breathes a puff of green fire at the page, which splits into three sparkling trails which dissappear out the lab window. I gotta admit that's cool, magic message carbon copying.
“Thanks Spike, I'll see you at 2:30 at AJ's” I then jump up and pull a squirming, giggling Pinkie Pie off the ceiling.
Spike chuckles, “Sure thing.” he shakes his head and walks out, muttering something about, “only Pinkie Pie....”
After the door closes, I ask, “Hey Rarity, could you loan me some gems? I want to give him a peace offering. I'll help you dig some later.”
“Certainly Darling.” Rarity smiles, “I'll have Sweetie Belle bring them by Sugarcube Corner”
“Perfect” I say as Pinkie latches onto my arm again.
Rarity steps up close, “I don't envy you this daunting task my hero.”
I smile and gently brush Rare's cheek with my free hand, “I'll be fine, Milady, Spike and I will be great friends.”
Rarity closes her eyes and leans into my hand, “Mmmmm, Then I shall see you at 3 on the dot.”
Pinkie climbs up/(down?) my arm and starts softly humming 'the wedding march' in my ear. I counter with a boop on the nose, which makes her giggle and stop.
Rarity 's eyes open wide, then narrow thoughtfully, “Ta-ta for now then, I have art to make!” She turns and trots out of the room, her rump swaying.
Twilight smirks, “Not the fastest I've seen her fall in love. That bodes well”
Pinkie nods her head rapidly, “I know! Remember Trenderhoof? That was a disaster!”
I smirk, “Especially when AJ decided to play along.”
Twilight starts giggling, “Rarity as a farm pony was hilarious! Celestia told me Luna was rolling on the floor at the picture I sent her with my Friendship Report”
We share a good laugh.
I come to a minor realization “Hey Twilight? Got like a belt or rope or something to keep me and Pinkie attached?”
Twilight hmms and bamfs in a small harness “I have this harness and straps from when the Crusaders were doing ziplining... a little expansion magic and.... “
Poof, a harness sized to fit a Pinkie Pie, with a couple of extra straps clipped on, makes us a pink pony backpack.
I shrug and snap my fingers, “Drat, was hoping to have a Pinkie Pie balloon that could make faces at ponies as a prank”.
Pinkie OOOhs, “That would be EPIC!!!!”
Twilight frowns, “Which is why we aren't going to do that.”
Pinkie awws,
My response is, “Yes teacher. No pranking allowed.” with a sidewise look at Pinkie and a mouthed 'yet'.
Twilight points a hoof, “I'm not against pranking, but you're new and we want to set a good tone.”
I shrug and carefully hold Pinkie out so she can be harnessed.
Twilight, with her levitation magic, makes short work of the task,
I strap Pinkie on (gotta watch that wording), Her belly is to my back and she's looking over my shoulder.
Pinkie rests her forehooves over my shoulders, “This is comfy!”
Twilight smiles thoughtfully, “Good, Are you ok with this Ced?”
I smirk, “Have a hyperactive kid riding piggyback? Wouldn't say it's the first time or the last.”
Pinkie lightly bops me on the head with a hoof, “Hey! I am not a goat! I'm a pony! And you're not a pig! You're a Hyooman!”
At that I chuckle, “Human, and young humans are called 'kids' among other things. And piggyback is what we call someone riding on someone else's back like this.”
Twilight is of course taking a quick note about the semantics.
“Anyway Twi, I'd say we're good to go”
Twilight smiles, “See you at 3 then,”
Pinkie guides me out of the giant tree castle thing, and we find ourselves on the road into town.
“Excellent, I've been wanting to try something since we got tethered...” I comment, A smirk crossing my face.
Pinkie pushes her cheek against mine, so soft, “What's that?”
“This!” I start running, once I get up to speed, I jump... up and up and up... Like around 60 feet in the air.
Pinkie's squealing with laughter, as we start to gently descend, "WHEEEEE! This is Amazing!”!!”
“Yeah! Look at the view!” we can see almost the whole town from here.
A cyan streak starts zooming towards us.
Pinkie points, “Hey it's Rainbow Dash! HI RAINBOW” She's waving.
RD circles around us, “What in Tartarus are you two doing?”
I give her a look like she just grew a third wing “Pinks got an antigravity spell on her, so we're super jumping! What else would we be doing?”
The Blue Blur pauses in mid air to ask a question then shrugs.
I nod, “Yeah, My thoughts exactly, It's Pinkie, Just roll with it.” I pull a Superman, legs together straight behind me, one arm straight forward. “I figure we are like a large air filled balloon together right now.”
Rainbow gets a devious smirk, “Really?” and with that she grabs my hand with her front hooves and starts pulling us along behind her.
Fortunately for us, my estimates are about right, we're not very aerodynamic, so she can really only increase our airspeed by a little, but.... she can lift us higher.
Pinkie, of course goes “Wheee!”
And I get my first head-on impact with a cloud, thanks to Rainbow Dash.
“Ptui!” I spit cloud which feels a bit like a really thick foam. Interestingly, this explains a lot of the pegasus\cloud interaction questions I had brewing in the back of my mind. Like how RD could push clouds, stand on them and punch a hole in one. The goatee i once had has been replaced by a belly length Gandalf of cloudstuff.
Rd lets go of my hand and starts laughing uproariously, rolling of course, on a cloud. Which means Pinkie and myself start sinking.
“On this floor, we have show off blue pegasi on discount.” I quip, “Next floor, after a while, Sugarcube Corner and enough cookies and cakes to make an elephant go into a diabetic coma. Going... down. Later RD, it's been... ”I ponder then smirk, “Educational.”
Rainbow suddenly looks like I insulted her mother. “You take that back! Educational is boring! Hanging out with me is supposed to be Awesome!”
I grin and cross my arms, “well I did take a cloud to the face. I wouldn't honestly describe that as awesome. However, it did teach me about some of the cloud physics here and how they differ from my world's. You see here-” at that point I see RD starting to nod off.
RD gets this dazed look then snaps out of it, the last thing I see of her is her responding, “Now you sound like Twilight. And that means I'm takin' a little nap.”
Once we emerge from the bottom of the cloud Pinkie taps my shoulder with a hoof, “How did you shut Rainbow down so fast?”
“Pattern recognition, My dear Pinkster. After seeing Twilight go into lecture mode and RD falling asleep enough times you build an association. I just kept talking till I saw Rainbow start to pass out.”
“Wow, I didn't know anypony could be this genre savvy.”
“Exactly Pinkie, What am I?
“Not a pony?'
“On the nosey, “I boop her for emphasis, “And not from this world either. Believe you me Pinkie, with my knowledge, skills and Genre savvy, and your reality warping powers, we could overthrow the Princesses, or revolutionize the world, but because we're both of good alignment, with a little chaos thown in, we just like to mess with the normals a little, Right?”
“You know Ced, I think I'm starting to fall-”
“Don't say in love, I'm not sure this needs to be a harem story, I already see a love triangle-”
“No! I mean FALLLLLL!”
At that point the bottom drops out. And we go down fast.
“AHH CRAP!!!! Please over the lake, Please over the lake! Please over the lake!” I look down, we are directly over the Everfree. Fuck me... and Pinkie, but be gentle with her.
Out of nowhere we're caught by a musclebound white pegasi with itty bitty wings.
Pinkie shouts, “Thank you Bulk Biceps! Thank you! Thank you!”
I have to admit it, that was a turn I wasn't expecting. “Mucho props for the save, Brony!”
“YEAH!!!!”
“Umm No offense, but how can you even fly outside of your magic? Do you have an edge?“
“YEAH!!!”
“Is it what your fan name suggests, or is it something else?”
“RAINBOW JUICE!!!!!”
“Ooohhh.” from both Pinkie and me simultaneously. He probably downs that shit like Red Bull.
A few Minutes later and we're safely on the ground outside of Sugarcube Corner. (Which is right next door to Sugarcube Coroner, where Cupcakes was filmed, Just kidding.)