"I'm afraid we don't have much time," Celestia said. "Bring the Element bearers here."
A familiar voice chuckled. "Oh, my dear Celestia. I'm afraid it's far too late for that."
"Discord!" Celestia yelled. "Show yourself!"
"But of course, mon ami."
In the blink of an eye Discord appeared in the middle of the courtyard.
"The one, the only, Discord!" he announced to the entire room. Then he appeared in front of me wearing a cheesy grin and said, "By the way, kid, thank you for helping free me from that cursed statue. I never would have escaped without your help!"
I smiled. "Discord, my main man!" I said, "Give me some lovin'," and held my fist up for a fist-bump.
Discord laughed and bumped my fist with his own. "I love this kid!" he yelled.
Before he could turn his attention elsewhere I said, "Now Discord, Celestia's been a right prick to me ever since I've got here. Could you do me a favor and wreck her shit?"
Twilight's eyes became mere pinpricks in shock, and Discord laughed his ass off.
"Wellllll," he said, "it would be a little out of my way. I mean, it's not like I was planning on doing exactly that or anything, buuuuuut... for you, my favorite interdimensional jailbreaker, I suppose I could do it. But only because you asked me nicely."
He turned to Celestia and said, "You see? It's amazing what you can do with a polite request."
Celestia's eyes narrowed at Discord.
"I won't let you have your way!" she yelled. "I will stop you, no matter what it takes!"
Celestia's horn glowed with a brilliant white aura. A white-hot beam of light shot from her horn, striking Discord dead-center. Discord writhed in pain.
"Oooh!" he yelled. "Augh! Ow! Stop it, ooh, stop it! Oh, that tickles, Celestia!"
He cackled, then slurped up the beam of energy like it was a long spaghetti noodle. He belched once and a small puff of smoke escaped his mouth.
"Ooh, that's a spicy meatball!" he said saucily.
Celestia stared at him in shock. She charged her horn again.
Discord was suddenly wearing a baseball jersey and hefting a baseball bat. "Hey, batter, batter," he chanted.
Then Celestia turned her head to face me and released the energy.
This happened too fast for me to react to it. This is probably a good thing, because if I had been able to react, and if I had died because of her attack, my last words would probably have been "holy shit!"
As last words go, I'd like to think I can do better.
Fortunately for me, the energy release was not too fast for Discord to respond to. He swung his baseball bat and cried, "Swing, batter!"
Celestia's attack ricocheted off his bat and punched a hole in the ceiling.
"It's going, it's going, it's gone!" Discord yelled.
I turned to Discord. "Give me a power-up."
"What?"
"That bitch just tried to kill me. Give me a fucking power-up."
"I don't think you understand-"
"I was summoned here because of earthed Chaos energy. That means I should be compatible." I reached over and grabbed Discord's arm. "Now give me a fucking power-up!"
My entire world was pain. My right arm felt like it had been dunked in red-hot lava while being stung by bees. I collapsed to the floor, writhing in agony.
I heard Twilight yell, "What did you do?!"
"I gave him what he asked for," Discord responded. "It's not my fault if he can't handle it."
The pain subsided and I looked at my right arm. It was now covered with black chitin. My fingernails were gone. Instead, each black, shelled finger now ended in a sharp point.
"You're welcome," Discord said. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have a kingdom to overturn. Tah-tah!"
With that, Discord snapped his fingers and vanished.
I got to my feet, then focused on a nearby potted plant and snapped my fingers.
*snap!*
The plant was now a small, confused-looking trout.
*snap!* *snap!* *snap!* *snap!*
The trout briefly became a flamingo, a potted cactus, and a ball of yarn, before returning to its original form of a potted plant.
Celestia looked distinctly uncomfortable. I faced her and held my chaos-infused arm between us, my fingers ready to snap at a moment's notice.
"Now Celestia," I said, "Let's talk."