//------------------------------//
// Chapter 26--Trixie Returns 
// Story: What You Don't Know 
// by Flaming Pulsar 
//------------------------------//


Chapter 26--Trixie Returns

After spending the next four days hauling home my split of the profit, I wanted to start an invoice to keep track of my money. So, I asked Twilight what the monetary symbol for a bit was and she drew this on a paper for me:  explaining that it was an E transcribed inside a Q to represent the abbreviation of Equestria.
With that knowledge in mind, I just had to count my money. After making various Sierpinski’s triangles with my bits--a 12th iteration, an 11th iteration, a 9th iteration, two 8th iterations, a 7th iteration, a 5th iteration, two 4th iterations, a 2nd iteration, and two 1st iterations which just looked like triforces--I concluded that I had 2,232,000 bits. I then went to talk to Twilight to see if we could create an exchange rate between the USD and the EQB. After compensating for fluctuating prices and surpluses that may occur, we determined that 1 bit equals about $1.11. With this knowledge in hand, I made a mental note to not tell her how much money I had and simply asked if there was a bank nearby. She gave me directions and after telling Mim to not let anyone in my room, I took Qene and went to the bank.
When I got there, I was greeted by a mare who said, “Welcome to the Equestrian Bank.” Wow, what an original title. “How may I help you...sir?”
“Yes, I am a male, good job. I would like to open a high security account,” I told her.
“How high are we talking?”
I showed her a piece of paper with the amount on it.”
“Um, let me get my boss.” She left for a moment while I pondered whether the Apples had a bank account. Then I remembered that they’re farmers so they probably just kept all their money in a secret vault because they don’t trust banks. I made a mental note to ask Applejack sometime. By the time I was does musing, the mare had returned with an elderly looking unicorn stallion.
“Diamond here explained the situation to me. I am Golden Gallium, the owner of this branch of the Equestrian bank. If my sources are correct, you’re the infamous human that’s been living here in Ponyville, Síor, isn’t it?”
“Yep.”
“Well, Síor, I am happy to welcome you to our bank. I assure you we have many vaults that would be perfect for your needs. If you’ll follow me, I’ll take you to them.” He led me to the stairs which I assumed led to the vaults and I followed. “Our next unused vault is number 666. It is made with pure titanium and reinforced inside and out with diamond. It also has our highest level of magic defense. It is 3 meters high, and 26.5 meters long and wide with enough space to hold up to 15 million bits. This amount, however, is if one were to lie each bit end to end and stack them perfectly atop of one another so it is only recommended for 10 million bits so you have enough room to move around in the vault.”
We got to the vault and he opened it to show me inside, it definitely seemed secure. “Do you have ways to access my money from different locations?”
“Each vault is actually in a way, just a pocket universe, which is why we are able to have the doors directly adjacent to one another. We have branches in all of the main cities and towns in Equestria and even in some small towns. Each branch has access to each vault and safe so should you need any bits, you should be able to access your vault from any of our branches.”
“I don’t see a key hole on the door, how do I open it?”
“Typically, we use horn, wing, or hoof identification but we will clearly have to make an exception for you. What would you suggest?”
“Well, I was thinking a key, but at the same time, I lose keys too easily. Thumbprints are too unoriginal--”
“They can’t be that common, I’ve never heard of a thumbprint.”
“That may be the case, but I’ve had many occurrences where thumb or fingerprints were required and they were both monotonous and didn’t work very well. Hair is too easy to get a sample of. Could we do a tongue recognition?”
“I suppose… although you could also do an eye scan.”
“True… but I’ve already suggested the tongue scanner so it sounds like the best idea. We’re going with a tongue scanner.”
“But wouldn’t that get kind of gross?”
“If I’m the only one using it, then why would it get gross?”
“But what if there’s an attempted robbery?”
“Oh? Are you questioning your own security?”
“Um, I’m not sure how to answer that…”
“Don’t, it’s a trap question. I’m not gonna worry about the possible grossness that may occur because my mouth has been many places and I know some of those weren’t very clean.”
“...Was that a sex reference?”
“It could be. Let’s hope you don’t find out.”
“Agreed.”
“So where do I sign up?”
“We can go back upstairs to my office to deal with the paperwork.” I followed him into his fancy-looking office and we started talking business. “Here is your contract.” He handed me a couple pieces of paper.
“Give me a second while I read this.” I skimmed through the formal wording. It basically just explained that for the increased security, I had to give them 1000 bits. It also said that upon the time that I required an upgrade, I would have to sign a new contract and give them another split. There was other stuff but it was rather insignificant. I signed and initialled where it designated.
He looked at the contract and said, “I thought your name was Síor, not F--”
“Ah, don’t say it. When Twilight summoned me, I decided that my real name should only be known by the people I trust the most. Thus far you are the only person I trust enough with this information. That and I haven’t figured out how I should do my signature with just ‘Síor’ so you get to have my real name on record.”
“Well, I am honored to be the first person to know your name. Where are you keeping your money currently? I need to send somepony to collect the money.
"I’m staying at Golden Oaks Library. I’ll be heading back there if your person wants to follow.”
“The pony I was going to send was Diamond. Just grab her on your way out.”
I left his office and went to get Diamond before we left, telling her that she was supposed to transport my money and that if I found any of it missing other than the 1000-bit deposit then there was going to be bad stuff happening. She seemed to get my point so we started walking back to the library. When we got there, I showed her the giant stack of money and she got to work moving it with the bags she brought. After that, Twilight pulled me aside.
“So, who’s that?” she asked.
“The bank teller that’s moving my money for me.”
“And how much money would that be?”
“That is none of your business.”
“Whatever. I need your help.”
“What for?”
“I got a letter from Trixie requesting a magic duel.”
“Who’s Trixie again?”
“The blue unicorn who came here a few months ago and tried to upstage everypony. The reason you had to fight the Ursa Minor.”
“Oh yeah, that. So why do you need my help?”
“Because usually when somepony summons you for a magic duel, it means that they have some semblance of power considering the fact that it requires quite a bit of magic to send a magic duel summons.”
“Why is that?”
“Because unicorns got tired of being summoned for magic duels by weak unicorns so they put all kinds of enchantments around the spell required to send a duel summons.”
“I guess that makes sense. So why do you need me?”
“Because she specifically requested that you come.”
“Am I allowed to refuse?”
“If you refuse a duel summons, your opponent has the right to do anything they want to you for an entire day.”
“Who makes these rules?”
“The High Council of Unicorns.”
“...That was meant to be a rhetorical question. In any case, I guess I’ll come. It’s not like I have anything better to do. Can I bring Qene though?”
“I’m afraid not. The rules around magic duels are very particular about not allowing anyone who was not specifically summoned to go to the duel because it could cause collateral damage.”
“Fine. So where and when is this thing?”
“It’s at an old castle in the Everfree Forest. She drew us a map from here. We’re supposed to be there tomorrow at sunset.”
“What am I allowed to bring?”
“Anything that’s not alive.”
“What are you allowed to bring?”
“Anything that I used magic on. Technically, I could bring Spike since I hatched him with magic but he’s too young and I don’t want him getting hurt.”
“Well, according to this map, it will take about 12 hours to get there. I say we pack now and meet in the kitchen to leave after dinner.”
“I agree.” With that we broke our meeting to prepare for the battle. This basically involved me getting  my pocket knife, crossbow and bolts, dagger, and robe. I also grabbed some reading material because I knew we would be camping out. That done, I went to the kitchen for dinner.

After our uneventfully boring dinner, we got ready to go. “Spike!” Twilight called.
“Yes, Twilight?” he called back as he rushed to her.
“Síor and I are going out for a couple days. I need you to watch over the library while we’re gone.”
“Where are you going?”
“I’m afraid I can’t tell you that. What’s important, though, is that we will be safe. If we’re not back in three days, send Princess Celestia a letter telling her to look for us in the Everfree Forest.”
“What are you doing for three days in the Everfree Forest?”
“Again, I can’t tell you. We have to go now, Spike. Be good.”
We left after that and started walking to Sweet Apple Acres because that was the best entrance to the Everfree. After walking for about three hours, we decided to set up camp. As I was attempting to pitch the shitty tent that we had, Twilight noticed the book I brought in my bag.
“Why did you bring this?” she asked as she pulled it out of my bag.
“Just a little something to help me fall asleep,” I replied.
“The Thrills of Knighthood, Everything you need to know about the different types of knights in Equestria and what comes with being a knight,” she read the title. “Interesting choice of casual reading.”
“Well, since the princesses are fighting over whose knight I’ll become, I figured I should do a little research.”
“Oh? And what have you found out so far?”
“Well, everything Fancy told me about the skills and perks that each knight gets is true. There’s also some sort of dream monitoring that comes with being a lunar knight but I didn’t find much about that. And I saw something about Umbral knights. Do you know anything about that?”
“As I recall from my own readings, the Umbral knights are a special kind of knight that is essentially independent. They don’t serve a single princess and they have the right to reject an order if they seem fit.”
“Sounds too good to be true. What’s the catch?”
“The Umbral knights are the most trusted ponies in the entire royal guard--”
“There you go again with that ‘pony’ stuff. Just say people.”
“Actually, this time it’s accurate. Because the Umbral knights are so trusted, only ponies are allowed to be Umbral knights to ensure the utmost loyalty.”
“So, in other words the princesses are racist bitches who don’t trust non-ponies. I guess I’ll have to actually choose between one of them.”
“You really shouldn’t talk about our princesses like that.”
“Our princesses? They’re your princesses. I pay no servitude to them. Unfortunately, that mindset will have to change because they’re forcing me into this knighthood bullshit.”
“You know they’re only trying to keep you out of trouble, right?”
“What trouble could I possibly get in if I can’t even leave the greater Ponyville area?”
“You can leave whenever you want, Síor, I only said you couldn’t leave because I didn’t want you hurting yourself or anypony else.”
“I swear it’s like no one trusts me around here.”
“Well, you are supposed to be the most dangerous species to ever exist.”
“Shut the fuck up and help me pitch this tent.” She used her magic to set up the tent and we crawled inside and went to sleep.

The next morning, we had a quick breakfast of eggs and went back to walking. “Can’t you just magic us there?” I asked.
“Teleportation only works for places I’ve been to or places I can see,” she annoyingly replied. “You know that.”
“Yeah, I know, I was just hoping the rules of magic had forgotten.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“It doesn’t have to make sense, I’m drunk.”
“No you’re not. After that last cider season, I learned quite well of your little experiment with Applejack and I know that alcohol is required to get drunk.”
“That’s not entirely true. There are other substances that produce the same results as alcohol.”
“You do know that alcohol is supposed to be illegal in Equestria, right?”
“Yeah, your point?”
“You could get arrested if someone were to rat you out.”
“Yeah but no one would be stupid enough to rat me out because everyone’s scared of me. And even if someone did rat me out, it might not be a bad thing. I mean, I’m sure the princesses wouldn’t allow a felon into the Royal Guard so it would probably fix my whole knighthood problem.”
“I don’t know, Síor, the princesses seem rather intent on making you a knight no matter the cost. They would probably have you pardoned or something.”
“You make a good point. Either way, though, I either don’t become a knight or I don’t have to deal with the charges of illegal alcohol production.”
“Is there any way I can stop you from being a complete idiot?”
“Nope. My idiocy is how I learn. If I jump into an active volcano and nearly die, I’ll know that I would need to have better protection the net time.”
“Why would you jump into an active volcano, let alone twice?”
“I don’t know, it sounds like it might be fun.”
“There’s just no reasoning with you.”
“You can reason all you want, I just might not listen. But if you want to debate something that I find interesting then I’d be happy to have a good intellectual conversation.”
“You? Intellectual? Yeah, right.”
“Ouch, my feelings. You seem to be forgetting that before I became your bitch I was a scientific prodigy. I was accepted at one of the most prestigious colleges in the country where I was chosen among thousands of equally brilliant students to get an internship at NASA. The scientists at fucking NASA said I was too smart for them and they sent me to CERN Laboratories. The CERN Laboratories. I was one of the best entry-level scientists they had at CERN before the accident happened. I could tell you in detail about things that the human race built that are beyond your wildest dreams. So don’t go saying I’m not fucking intelligent.”
“I’m sorry. I forget about all that because you don’t really act like--”
“Because I don’t act like an uber-nerd in a labcoat with no life outside of science? I hate to burst your bubble but not all scientists are like that. Fuck, you’re a scientist of sorts and you have a life, sort of. Just remember, anybody can have any level of intelligence if they try hard enough. Sometimes it’s safer to hide your intelligence though.”
“Why would it be safer?”
“How do you think everyone would react if they knew I was a fucking genius? Everyone would be all up in my face to get information about shit. Fuck, the princesses would demand that I tell them everything I know. And do you know what some people would do to get their hands on my kind of intelligence? I already got kidnapped once just for being connected with Celestia. If news about my mind got out, governments worldwide would be fighting to get me to use as a tactical advantage. All I’m saying is that I act the way I do because I can, it’s more fun, and I value my own safety. How much farther?”
“Um… about 6 more hours.”
“Let’s walk for a couple more hours and then stop for lunch.”
“Uh...right.”
We continued walking until lunch time. We had some sandwiches and continued walking. We finally came to the castle as the sun was reaching the horizon. “So, what’s the plan?”
“Stay alive.”
“Oh, that’s promising.”
“There’s no telling what kind of magic Trixie has now so we have to be cautious with her. There’s no way she could have advanced her magic naturally in such a short time so I’m assuming she’s found something that amplifies her magic. We need to find whatever it is and sever her link to it.”
“Sounds easy enough. You ready?”
“I’m never ready for magic duels but that doesn’t change the fact that we have to do it anyways. Let’s go.”
We walked into the castle and the portcullis closed behind us, leaving us in a wide open courtyard. “Trixie was beginning to think you wouldn’t show,” Trixie’s voice rang out over the courtyard. She appeared several feet in front of us. “Welcome to Trixie’s home. Of course The Great and Powerful Trixie actually lives in the castle proper but you will not be entering the castle. In fact, Trixie has placed an enchantment over this courtyard. Nopony can leave until one side is defeated. Now, shall we begin?”
Before we even had time to react, she shot a bolt of lightning at Twilight which looked like it hit pretty hard. Then, before I knew what was happening, I got a rebound strike from the lightning which, while not doing much harm to me, hurt like a bitch while it happened.
Twilight struck back by shooting a beam of magic her way which she tried to dodge but jumped the wrong way. It didn’t seem to hurt much but it got her attention.
It was my turn to do something so I quickly armed my crossbow while Trixie was stunned and double-shot her. Each bolt was a solid hit, one in her right foreleg and the other in her side. Needless to say she was rather pissed about that and also badly wounded. It was an awesome moment for me but I doubted that I could do anything that epic any time soon so I decided to stick to some more standard tactics.
Trixie countered with a rather unexpected move: summoning a familiar. “Meet Flavros. He is Trixie’s familiar.” He looked much like a leopard but I suspected there was more to him than that.
“You have a familiar?” Twilight asked in shock.
“Now ain’t exactly a good time to chat, Twi.”
Before she could snap back into the battle, though, Flavros jumped forward and breathed fire right onto her. She was helpless to try to dodge so the fire just hit her straight on. She looked like she was burnt pretty badly afterward and there was even some remanence of fire still on her that she was quick to put out.
She wasn’t in the best state but she was hella fucking pissed. She conjured a ton of magic and put it into a giant magic ball that she flung at the familiar. The force of the magic ball flung him back a few feet and it looked like it hurt pretty bad.
“Hey, Twi, you see that thing around Trixie’s neck?” I called to her.
She looked at the strange-looking amulet on the other unicorn and said, “I bet that’s what’s fueling her magic.”
I decided to try to get the thing off her so I ran to Trixie and got all up close and personal. I tried using my dagger to slice the thing. Instead of cutting the amulet, though, I slipped and cut Trixie in the cheek.
Trixie gasped. “How dare you tarnish Trixie’s beautiful face you ape!” She jumped back and surrounded herself with a giant ice wall. I could see the light of magic coming from inside and I heard her saying, “Terra, coelum, et iungere arcana; tribus unus spiritus; magna vis est, quod natum est…”
“Twi, she’s up to something in there.”
“She’s creating a new spell! Hurry break down the wall and stop her.”
Flavros didn’t take to kindly to being ignored so he took his chance to attack Twilight. He jumped forward and latched onto her with his teeth. She started bleeding pretty badly from the bite and that just fueled the creature’s bloodlust.
“...propter tribus ad minus; tribus unum deum victimis; virtus ultra tres…” Trixie continued.
Twilight, in her panicked state of mind, simply picked up a rock with her magic and hit the familiar on the head with it. He let go of her and started bleeding from the wound.
I started doing what I could to break through the ice so I started chipping it with my dagger. Luckily, the ice wasn’t very strong so I was able to get pretty far through it.
While I did that, Flavros jumped back on Twilight swiping at her with its claws. Twilight didn’t look like she could fight much longer but luckily I was through the wall. Unfortunately, Trixie was nearing the end of her spell: “...virtutem continendi cum a; vincere inimicos virtus!”
“Oh no!” Twilight yelled.
“What?” I asked.
“It was one line too many!” she explained. Trixie’s eyes turned to panic as she realised her mistake. “Síor, get out of there!”
I rushed to get the fuck out of there but I was too late. The magic energy exploded destroying the ice surrounding us and sending me flying, knocking me out.


An endnote from the best god of chaos ever.
Needless to say, the magic duel was set up by yours truly. I should have known better than to trust Trixie with something like this. I was, however, kind enough to pull her out of there before the magic energy exploded. Síor wasn’t so lucky but he survived. I pulled Trixie to my little interrogation room, if you will.
“Do you have anything to say for yourself?” I asked her.
“Trixie is sorry, Master.”
“Sorry won’t cut it. Do you understand how important it was that you captured the human? Punishment is in order. Luckily for you, I’m too annoyed to think of anything worth punishing you with.” She seemed relieved to hear that. “So instead, I’ll let ‘your’ familiar do whatever he pleases to you for the next--let’s say a week.” Her relief suddenly turned to fear as she realised the implications of that.
“No, Master. Please! Trixie promises she’ll do better next time!”
“I’m sure you will, especially after knowing just how bad your punishment truly is. I’ll see you in a week.” I waved at her as the familiar dragged her off. “Now, let’s start thinking about how to make my great escape in the spring."