//------------------------------// // Changed Opinions // Story: Suicidal Ideation Is Magic // by Shukawarioserfi //------------------------------// I seem okay now so Dr. Discord allowed me to join the others for dinner. I'm a bit surprised he did after the puking incident. Although I did miss lunch, I still feel like I probably shouldn't be eating after that. I feel weird, not necessarily sick but warm. Usually I sweat and feel hot with anxiety but this is not an anxiety response. I don't exactly know what to make of it. By now I know where the cafeteria is, but still nurses escort all of us there. When were all walking along side by side I feel like our steps are all synchronous. Is it that we subconsciously pick up to step patterns of those around us? I'm eager to eat dinner now, I see that they are serving hayburgers today. That seems acceptable to me, I grab one as well as a few food items on the side. "Have a good day." I say to the cafeteria pony smiling and waving my hoof. Wait? Since when did I care about other ponies having a good day? Well I guess it's about time I did. I sit next to Penny Rye and Lithia Sault, both ponies seem upset about something. "Well what seems to be the matter?" I look to them concerned. "Penny Rye is having anxiety and I just hate life." Lithia Sault said. I don't understand why the both of them would be so upset. I hope I can do something to cheer them up. I squish an orange to the side of my face. "Huh?" I smile and giggle sheepishly. Penny Rye chuckles a little but Lithia stays as gloom as ever. I wish my jokes could make everypony happy. "Don't worry about her." Penny Rye says. "She's just on the other side of her mania right now." Penny Rye looks down at her food in discretion and begins to take a bite. "I can't help but worry about her. Brains should not work that way. You can't be super excited one week and be sad about everything the next. It's not right." I say concerned. "You're one to talk, you acted like a total nut at breakfast today. Do you have schizophrenia like Illumina?" Lithia said, annoyed. I shake my head. "I have a number of things, but schizophrenia is not one of them." I say. Whatever happened at breakfast seems to have slipped my mind. All I can remember is how absolutely wonderful it was. "Breakfast was good." "Focus on your dinner, it'll get cold. And pretty soon everything will be cold." Penny Rye says quietly, quickly sobbing. I follow her advice and take a bite of my hayburger. "Apparently you seem to forget that he puked earlier." Lithia Sault said, pointing to me. Penny Rye retches a little in her mouth. "I tend to block those things out of my memory banks." Penny Rye continues. "There's too much sadness and fear in my mind to make room for disgust." My hayburger tastes good, I take another bite. Thankful to be eating something. "Not bad at all." I smile, with my mouth hanging slightly open. "Are you kidding me? These are disgusting. Like my thoughts." I finally see Lithia Sault crack a hint of a smile, but her head stays low. "Prison food is better." Otani chimes in, sitting beside me. I never really noticed him until now. I mostly only noticed Penny and Lithia, who were sitting across from me. "Do you still have homicidal ideations?" Lithia responds to Otani. "No, not really." Otani says. "I'm surprised at how quickly they changed." "If you did I was going to ask you to smother me in my sleep." Lithia Sault blurts out. I quickly place a hoof over her mouth. "How could you say such a thing." I defend. "After all this you should be getting better. You've been here longer than me." Lithia Sault scoffs. "Otani had a perfectly planned murder-suicide, Holley cuts her hooves non-stop, and Bird Droppings came here after a failed suicide attempt. We all still have problems, kay?" Lithia sighs. "You can't just wish them all away." "Bird Droppings?" I say in shock. "But she's so sweet and innocent." "She wasn't when she first came here. They had to invent a new acronym for her disease ADEHMRD." Lithia Sault explains. I scratch my head. "And that stands for?..." I'm not particularly good at guessing ridiculously long acronyms. "Attention Deficit Epileptic Hyperactive Mild Retardation Disorder." Lithia had no flaws in reciting this long terrible disease. I'm surprise she's not proud at herself for that. "That sounds like an impressively difficult disease." I'd rather not we talk about Bird Dropping's disease when she's just a few feet across the table. Although she seems to be paying us no mind. I take another bite of my hayburger and sip from my juice box, grape. Apparently my sipping is to loud for Penny Rye, who begins to cover her ears and sob. "Suction! SUCTION!" Penny Rye bawls, placing her hooves over her eyes in despair. "Could you sip any louder?" Lithia barks. "You're sipping so loud that Penny is having tragic flashbacks again." "I'm sorry." I apologize as I scoot the juicebox to the other side of my tray. The nurse yells time. I was so wrapped up in conversation that I didn't finish my food. I can't say that's happened before.