//------------------------------// // The Gravity of the Schist-uation // Story: Maud Pie Becomes an Alicorn Princess // by Smoker //------------------------------// “All you gotta do is move your little rump! All you gotta do is give it a hop, skip and a jump! She’s an evil enchantress, who does evil dances…” Twilight groaned once more. “Maud, how much longer until the top of the mountain? I don’t know how much more of this 'Greatest Hits of Pinkie Pie' song I could stand.” Maud looked back at Twilight over her shoulder. “We’ve only been climbing for ten minutes.” She stated bluntly. Twilight looked past Maud up the mountain to see that they’d barely made any progress climbing up the mountain at all. She groaned again, continuing to climb the sheer cliff face, relying on her earth-pony-stamina to keep her strong and aware. “…and she’ll gobble you up in a big tasty stew, so watch-watch-watch-watch-watch out!” “Pinkie…” Twilight said. “Watch-watch-watch-watch-watch out!” “Pinkie!” Twilight said more firmly. “Watch-watch-watch-watch-watch watch-watch-watch-watch-watch watch-watch-watch-watch out!” “UUUUGGH.” Twilight grumbled as Pinkie moved on to the Pony Polka. “Maud, remind me once again why we’re climbing the mountain at all? I thought you said theomnus or whatever the hell it is was inside the volcano.” “Memorized the interior structure of the volcano before we got here. It was in my geology books.” Maud stated. “Only way in is through a downward-sloping cavern at the top.” Upon hearing yet another groan from Twilight, she added, “Only another two days’ journey to the top.” “What?!” Twilight cried. “But it took us two days to get here!” Upon not receiving another response from Maud, Twilight sighed and continued to climb as Pinkie looped her song, going back to the beginning, “Giggle at the ghosties”. XXXXXXXX The vulture’s keen eyes scouted the landscape far below it, searching for a potential meal. It was quite hungry, as it had not eaten in a few days. The carrion bird was startled when a grey hoof suddenly, smoothly pulled over the cliff. Squawking, the bird flew off to find another perch, as Maud Pie coolly climbed up onto the ledge. “Everyone all right.” She stated, looking behind her. “guuh… huuuh…. huuh…” Twilight gasped, barely dragging herself over the edge of the cliff. “gugh… ugh…” she gurgled as she flopped down onto the rock, sweating like a pig. “Phew! What a workout!” Pinkie said, also climbing up onto the cliff. For some reason, she now had on her exercise gear. “That must’ve been two hours straight of climbing!” Pinkie said happily, not even breathing heavily. “And to think we’re probably not even a tenth of the way there!” “Can we… take… a break…” Twilight gasped and puffed. “I suppose. Just for a bit.” Maud stated. “We still have a ways to go before dark after all.” “Hey, look! I can see my house from here!” Pinkie said. Her exercise gear had disappeared to somewhere or another, and she stood at the very edge of the cliff. “Pinkie, be careful not to lose your balance.” Maud said blandly. “Are you kidding, Maud?” Pinkie said, turning to her sister. “I’m the most balanced balancer who ever balanced!” To prove her point, Pinkie stood on her hind legs, waving her forelegs around. “Look, Ma! No front hooves!” she giggled. Meanwhile, the before-mentioned vulture was circling around idly, still looking for food, when he spotted the pink pony’s precariously perched position. Now, Vultures and other carrion birds nearly never attack. Nature never designed them to attack, just to rip and tear what was already attacked. When a vulture such as this one sees a potential meal, though – such as, for example, a tasty entrée just waiting to be scrambled on the desert sand far below – They do, on desperate occasion, give that potential meal a little nudge in the right direction. That said, the vulture swooped into position, and, just as Pinkie leaned a bit in the right direction, dove down, and flapped its wings in her face. The maneuver only took about two seconds, but it had the desired effect. Even as the vulture flew off, the disoriented Pinkie’s center of gravity went just a smidgen too far. “Whoa – WHOA!” Pinkie cried, her forelegs windmilling around. “PINKIE!” Twilight screamed, trying to light up her horn, but it was too late. Pinkie screamed as she fell headfirst off of the cliff, hurtling downwards to her imminent demise. And as she fell, Pinkie continued to scream… …and scream… …and scream… It took almost thirty seconds of continuous screaming for Pinkie to realize that she actually wasn’t falling, but staying in place, suspended upside-down. Confused, she opened her eyes and looked up (or was it down?) over her chest, to see Maud’s hoof latched on to her hind leg, in a grip of iron. With strength unimaginable, Maud literally pulled her sister from the brink of death. After several tense moments, she had successfully dragged Pinkie Pie back onto the cliff. “Phew!” Pinkie said, smiling as she got back to her hooves. “Thanks a million, Maud! I thought I was done fo-“ SLAP! It took a second for Pinkie to realize her head had snapped to one side. It took another for her to register the stinging pain in her cheek. She looked forward again to see Maud’s hoof still in the air. “Maud…” Pinkie said quietly. “You slapped me? But… but…” “What were you thinking.” Maud stated, a surprising amount of emotion in her voice. Still only a smidgen of feeling, but a surprising amount nonetheless. “You almost died.” Before Pinkie could respond, Maud hugged her tightly. “Don’t do that again. Don’t ever do that again.” Maud said quietly. “I don’t want to lose you, Pinkie. Not for anything, and especially not for something as stupid and petty as that.” “Maud…” Pinkie whispered sadly, hugging her sister back as her eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry… I’m so so sorry…” There was silence for a few seconds while the sisters embraced. This silence was broken when Twilight suddenly spoke up. “Well! I’m feeling refreshed now. What say we keep going?” The group’s eldest alicorn stated, swinging her hoof in false cheer. After a pause, Maud nodded. “Agreed.” The grey mare turned away from her sister, and to the cliff face leading up the mountain. “Use the same footholds that I do, as before.” Maud stated, before beginning to climb, followed by Twilight, and Pinkie in the rear. Twilight tried her hardest to ignore the quiet sobbing coming from below her. XXXXXXXX The rain poured over the desert. It was a rare occurence, but it still happened on occasion. Twilight didn’t notice, though: she was fast asleep. She, Maud and Pinkie had been fortunate enough to stumble across a cave earlier, not long before the rain started. After a bit of chatting around the campfire (“I never knew you could make fire from rocks!”), they’d settled in for the night. A loud boom of thunder jolted Twilight awake. “Ugh. Really?” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes. “Yeah, like I’m gonna get back to sleep now.” She grumbled, lying on the rock floor. She looked over at the sleeping form of Maud, then over at the- Empty spot. “Pinkie?” Twilight whispered, eyes widening. She looked around the small cave, then to the entranceway of the cave, which was pitch black in the night. Suddenly, lightning flashed just outside the cave, illuminating everything for a brief moment… including the curly-haired silhouette sitting in the cave’s entrance. “Pinkie?” Twilight whispered again, standing up and walking over to the cave’s entrance. As she got closer, she saw it was indeed her good friend, who sat by the entrance of the cave quietly. “Pinkie, what are you doing?” Twilight questioned, sitting down next to the earth pony. “You should be asleep right now. You’ll need your rest for when we-“ “I’m not going with.” Twilight paused. “Sorry?” She questioned, sure she had misheard. “I’m not going with you guys.” Pinkie said in a very somber voice, turning to Twilight. In the faint light her eyes had adjusted to, Twilight saw the rain trickling down Pinkie’s face, as well as the two rivulets of tears coming from the corners of her eyes. “What do you mean, Pinkie?” Twilight questioned. “You can’t just-“ “I’m leaving. I’m crawling down back the cliff and I’m leaving.” Pinkie said, looking back out over the dark horizon. “I’ve been nothing but a burden on you guys. I triggered that Antlion, I ate all your food, I’ve bothered you nonstop, I’ve nearly gotten myself killed – I’m nothing but a nuisance and a bother.” “Oh, Pinkie…” Twilight sighed. “…don’t be stupid. What makes you think we care about any of that?” Confused, Pinkie looked back up to her good friend. “You are Pinkie Pie. The same mare who helped defeat Discord, Nightmare Moon, and all the rest. The mare who doesn’t back down from anything, who literally laughs in the face of danger. The mare who has the ability to make even the most depressed pony laugh. You are Pinkie Pie, and I know you’re better than this.” Twilight smiled. “The Pinkie Pie I know doesn’t give up on anything, and she sure as socks doesn’t abandon her friends, even in the middle of a mission. You may not be the element of loyalty, but you’d go through the pits of Tartarus with a smile on your face if it meant saving a friend.” Pinkie sniffled. “You think so?” Twilight giggled. “Oh, Pinkie, of course I don’t think so… I know so.” Twilight hugged her friend tightly. “Friends stick together, Pinkie. Remember that. Now c’mon, you need your rest. We have a lot of climbing to do tomorrow – the upwards variety.” Twilight retreated back into the cave, and with a newly refreshed smile, Pinkie hopped after her.