//------------------------------// // Chapter - Tub // Story: Equestria's Crazies // by Thorax //------------------------------// “Good news!” Twilight shouted as she galloped down the dungeon stairs “Prince- I’m mean Celestia, great news I found a loop hole in your “murder charges” Gods do I love legal loopholes.” The Alicorn stated happily as she came to a skidding stop in front of Celestia’s cell… Celestia’s empty cell. “Chrysalis?” the mare asked as she shifted her gaze from the cell to the Changeling currently submerged in the grand tub a small rubber duck floating next to her. After several seconds of silence Twilight moved closer to the tub unable to see the Changeling Queen’s face beneath bubbles that floated on the surface. “Chrysalis? Glub once if you’re alive, twice if you’re dead… again.” Twilight waited several seconds with no response from the Changeling Queen. The lavender Alicorn slowly reached a hoof into the tub hoping to drain the water by removing the plug. “GAH!” The Changeling Queen inhaled as jolted upwards breaching the surface of the water. Causing the unsuspecting Alicorn to scream in surprise which caused the confused Changeling Queen to scream in response. “What in the name of Tartarus are you doing Sparkle?!” Chrysalis shouted in-between gasps for air. “What are you doing sticking your hoof into someone’s bath?” “What am I doing?” Twilight asked in a mixture of anger and confusion “What are you doing?! I thought you were dead, your legs dangling over the side and your head underwater. You are aware you’re not supposed to sleep in a tub right?” “Of course I wasn’t sleeping” Chrysalis answered as she pushed her dripping mane from her face. “I was playing find the shuggoth with Morty.” The Changeling finished matter-of-factly “Isn’t that right Morty?” Chrysalis added as the Skeletal Draconequus’s head emerged from the water. “He is a very crafty Shuggoth” Morty stated bluntly “Like that slippery badger I had to reap a couple months back. Who knew those tiny badger hands could cause so much damage.” “That’s great and also seems incredibly wrong.” Twilight spoke with a raised brow “But you’re looking for this “Shuggoth” thing in a bathtub? Glad to see you and Morty are becoming fast friends but I really don’t think you should be looking in the tub at the same time, especially with you and Sombra doing whatever it is you do. “Nonsense Sparkle” Chrysalis chuckled “Sombra is helping us, isn’t that right Sombra?” Chrysalis finished as this time Nibbles breached the surface followed by Sombra. “Nibbles and me help find Shuggy so we can give him his bath.” Sombra stated happily before diving back below the surface. “First off, I’m not even going to ask who else you have in that tub. Secondly, I hope at least one of you see the irony of trying to find someone hiding in a tub so you can give them their bath. Finally, did any of you see where Celestia went?” “Oh Sunbutt?” Chrysalis asked as she raised a brow “She escaped through her tunnel a couple hours ago to get her revenge.” Twilight looked back at the empty cell for a couple seconds before turning back to face the Changeling “There is no tunnel.” She stated flatly “Oh of course not, she couldn’t break through the prison floor with her crown so she teleported outside of the cell and dug her way into the castle.” Chrysalis finished before diving back into the tub leaving Twilight confused and alone. “Gah, sometimes I feel like the only sane one left.” Twilight muttered to herself. “I know how you feel” came an unfamiliar voice from one of the other cells. The Alicorn carefully trotted over to the cell confused as to where this new Prisoner had come from. “Thorax’s punishment cell” Twilight read the sign above the cell out loud before shifting her gaze towards the Changeling lying inside the cell. “What are you in for?” “Monopoly” the Changeling answered flatly “wasn’t even allowed to pass go or collect two hundred bits.” The Changeling continued to mutter to himself. “She cheats you know, connect four? She only connects three. Karaoke night? She sings Winter Wrap Up. She cheats you know, she cheats!” the Changeling yelled before falling back to the floor. “Right theeeen.” Twilight spoke as she backed away slowly while maintaining eye contact. “Well you serve your sentence and don’t do it again.” Twilight finished before bolting back up the stairs. Ten minutes later Twilight was back in her throne room alongside Luna and Nightmare Moon and Discord. “Mares, Stalli- Discord, I’ve called you all here because we have a serious issue.” “Oh gods, Sombra’s gone insane and is planning to kill us all isn’t he” Discord blurted out as he attempted to hide beneath Nightmare. “No!” Twilight shouted slightly shocked and horrified by Discord’s accusation “Celestia has escaped and is planning on taking revenge.” Twilight paused for a couple seconds before the four of them burst into a fit of laughter. Once the four of them managed to get some semblance of composure back Luna was the first to speak. “I assume you want us to humor her?” the Night Alicorn managed to get out between the odd chuckles. “I mean she’s not really all the good at being evil and we don’t want to hurt her feelings.” “Hey Luna?” Discord spoke up “You remember that time she was evil for a week and decided the day would last forever?” “She did what?!” Twilight blurted out “Calm down Twilight” Luna spoke “She broke after a half hour because she thought she was being too harsh. So she declared "Taco Day" would only be held on Tuesdays and that the day would last an average length.” “Yeah” Nightmare laughed “Even when she’s evil, she’s still overly sweet. Even now, you’ve been shot twice and don’t even realize it.” Nightmare finished as she pointed towards Twilight’s flake where two small spitballs now sat. “That’s right” came the familiar voice of the Sun Goddess gaining everyone’s attention as they turned to face Celestia who stood atop the large stone throne. “All of you shall come to fear the dreaded Nightmare Sun” The Alicorn finished with what could only be describe a school filly giggle before scampering up into a large air vent in the ceiling. “Oh good, she’s Nightmare Sun again.” Nightmare stated flatly “Also when did we get air vents?” Discord, Luna and Twilight shrugged before going their separate ways each wondering what “horribly evil” schemes Celestia had in store for them Twenty minutes later Nightmare Moon was the first victim of Nightmare Sun’s campaign of terror. Nightmare Moon sat at the large dining hall table a half empty mug of coffee and the morning newspaper sat on the table in front of her. Across from her Nightmare Sun stood doing her best to be menacing. “Now Nightmare, do you surrender or shall I unleash my secret weapon on you.” Nightmare Sun asked proudly as she tapped cage that clearly held Nibbles. “Celestia, I know that’s not a secret weapon, it’s clearly Nibbles except you put a luchador’s mask on him. Secondly Chrysalis is going to kick your flank if she finds out you put Nibbles in a cage. Thirdly how did you even get Nibbles into a cage?” “Very carefu-“Nightmare Sun cut herself off as she almost revealed a secret that could destroy her plans. “This isn’t Nibbles this is my genetically engineered super soldier!” Nightmare Sun shouted with an “evil” laugh as she opened the cage door and awkwardly watched as her super soldier scampered away. “Well that’s awkward” Nightmare spoke as she took another sip of her coffee. “Besides you banned Biological Weapons in our games after the Raccoon City incident.” Celestia was momentarily shaken from her boredom induced insanity as she flashed back to the horrors of that day. “All those raccoons and all those genetically engineered trash bags. It took weeks to convince everyone that it was just swamp gas and weather balloons.” “I still can’t believe Bulk Bicep punched a boulder into lava.” Nightmare spoke as she too was partially lost in memory of that trash bag filled day. “Genetically engineered lava” Celestia added before shaking herself out of her memories and returning to Nightmare Sun “You may have survived this encounter but next time I swear you will break.” Nightmare Sun shouted before once again climbing into the vents after several seconds her head poked back out. “I forgot to ask, can you tell the chefs will be having some guests from the Crystal Empire tonight?” “Sure thing Nightmare Sun” Nightmare Moon answered as she returned to reading her paper. “Thank you” Nightmare Sun shouted before returning to the vent “But you will still break” she shouted before scurrying away. A couple minutes later Nightmare Sun had found her second victim. Discord had been enjoying a nice bout of thinking in his thinking tree… well “Thinking Shrub” his tree was currently on loan to a family of angry squirrels. Either way he had been enjoying some nice quality thinking time until “Nightmare Sun” came along and started throwing acorns at him. “Do you surrender yet?” Nightmare Sun asked as she held an acorn aloft with her magic “You are aware I am the master of annoyances right? You should go bother your favorite pet instead” Discord asked with a raised brow as he rose from the pile of acorns that had buried him for that last couple of minutes. “But if you want, I can play your game. I can surrender and be with you ever single second of the day.” Celestia’s “evil grin” slowly began to fade as Discord continued to speak. “Just think” the Draconequus continued “Instead of being with Moony all the time, I’ll be with you Sunny, 24/7. Me and you forever.” Discord was prepared to keep going but sadly for him the dreaded Nightmare Sun apparently had better things to do as she quickly galloped off. “You’re not as stupid as you act.” One of the patrolling guards muttered as he passed by gaining the chaos gods attention. “See” Discord began “The longer the lie goes on, the more real it becomes.” He spoke with a light chuckle. “Let them kill you here and there, pretend to be clueless and innocent and they’ll never suspect you for the odd bouts of chaos that happen each day. Eat someone’s farewell cake and pin it on a Changeling and they’ll never suspect the Chao God whose “lost his touch” “You truly are a monster.” The guard laughed before wandering off. “Another clever word sets off an unsuspecting herd as you step back into line a mob jumps to their feet.” Discord sang to himself as he returned to his thinking shrub. Elsewhere in the castle Princess Twilight Sparkle had managed to isolate Nightmare Sun within one of the unused portions of the castle. “How long do you plan on doing this Celestia?” Twilight asked as she stared at the former Princess through the magic wards she had placed where the door should have been. “Until my demands are met or I have my revenge” Nightmare Sun shouted “Or until supper whichever comes first. “And what are your demands?” asked as she raised a brow. “What could you possibly want?” “I want the throne!” Nightmare Sun shouted with another failed laugh “Sure” Twilight answered happily as she tossed her crown to the Sun Goddess and trotted off. “Well that was easy….” Celestia muttered to herself as she picked up the crown and made towards her throne, quickly slamming into the ward sealing her in that portion of the castle. “Uh Twilight? Can you let me out?” the newly re-crowned Princess asked awkwardly, silence being her only response. Several hours later Celestia had managed to escape and was currently preparing for supper. Meanwhile Discord was waiting just outside, the same guard from his earlier encounter stationed next to him. “All according to plan my friend” Discord stated happily. “How is this your plan?” The guard asked in confusion “With Princess Celestia back she can freely kill you whenever she wants.” “And that’s the price you pay for Chaos my friend.” Discord laughed. “You see, Celestia is far more chaotic as a Princess than as a villain. Why be the God of Chaos and when I can let the “Good Guys” do it for me. I mean seriously, last time she tried to help she ended up creating genetically engineered Trash Bags that stole an entire food supply of a city. “So let me get this straight” the guard spoke trying to put the pieces together. “The reason you’re so “Mellow” is because you’re getting others to cause your chaos for you?” “That’s right” Discord answered with a smug grin. “Before they put me in stone the world was too peaceful and boring on its own. Now everything is just so chaotic on its own. Most don’t even notice but chaos is the natural order now and Celestia is my greatest weapon.” “You are aware of how messed up this all is right?” The guard asked “It’s beautiful, and the best part is nobody will believe them if you tell them.” Discord stated smugly before teleporting off. Against his better judgement the guard decided to risk looking the fool and approach the princess and inform her of Discord’s scheme a couple minutes later he had finished telling her everything that Discord had told him throughout their encounters. Celestia laughed catching the stallion off guard. “Well my little pony, I’m glad you came to me. Even after my little outburst today. However, I’ve been aware of Discord’s scheme since it began.” “What?!” the guard blurted out “I’ve known Discord thinks he’s been tricking me into causing chaos for him. To be honest I’ve known since the beginning. But it keeps him calm and happy. Plus, tricking a trickster is more fun than you’d think.” Celestia spoke with a light chuckle. “So I play his game every once in a while and he plays nice with everyone else.” “I think I understand” the guard answered. “Very good” Celestia spoke once again as some of the cooks began bringing trays of food. “I do apologize for dismissing you so suddenly, especially after our talk. But I have several guests from the Crystal Empire arriving soon and I must prepare myself. I also need to go find out where all the air vents came from.” “I understand Princess; I must resume my duties as well.” “Oh and before you leave” Celestia added “I would be grateful if you kept both my conversation and Discord’s between me and you. Nobody else is aware of either of our game plan and I’d appreciate if lie remained real.” “As you wish Princess” the guard added with a light chuckle before trotting off. Back in the dungeon "I knew he was in here!" Chrysalis shouted as she did her best to escape the Eldritch Abomination's grip. "Bad Shuggy" she shouted as she tried whacking the indescribable being with a News Paper. After several seconds of flailing and striking the beasts Shuggy quickly re-submerged himself in the tub. "Follow him!" Chrysalis shouted as she dived below the surface quickly followed by Morty, Sombra, two elite Changeling Guards a catapult and a S.W.A.T team. Thorax silently watched in confusion "Not even going to try and understand" the Changeling groaned as he fell back to the floor.